Hatefully Charming.

Twins.

2008-07-15T16:48:00.001-04:00

I wonder why girls get pregnant so young these days? Hmmm....it's a mystery I guess!

Worse yet, this is from 1983. Eeeeek.

Speaking of animated canines...

2008-07-11T15:58:00.005-04:00

I, from as long as I can recall, was OBSESSED with boys and making out with them. I was never, ever one of those girls that thought kissing was "gross" or "yucky". I always, ALWAYS was so fascinated with it and in search of it. If you know adult me you will also know, not much has changed. Ok, let's put it more frankly: ain't a damn thing changed.

Anyway I remember being so obsessed with wanting to kiss a boy while this song was playing. Other 1980 make out music musts for the then 6 year old Brandy? Don't mind if I do!

Don't Walk Away, ELO- from Xanadu:

Tonight's The Night, Rod Stewart:

Kiss You All Over, Exile:

Annnnnd, gross.

Chihuahua Fatwah.

2008-07-11T15:52:00.002-04:00

I grimly accept my task...to murder those responsible for this. Death to the Hollywood infidels!

I'd Rather Be A Fool.

2008-07-10T13:12:00.002-04:00

I fucking LOVE E.G. Daily and I demand that someone re-make this dress in time for my upcoming birthday. If you haven't seen this movie, we can't be friends. Sorry.

Switch It Up!

2008-07-08T23:18:00.003-04:00

Oh no- it's my pleasure!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I just needed to "SWITCH IT UP!". Just like David Silver!

Almost immediately, I felt sorry.

2008-06-25T21:13:00.008-04:00

This teaser trailer about made me keel over in my chair. Mostly because, I am going to see Liz Phair sing Exile In Guysville tomorrow night, and I keep almost crying when I think about it. Which is so lame. But this, this album in particular, is my mecca, you know? I watch this and I see Liz Phair and Urge Overkill and all of a sudden I'm in my dorm room at Long Beach State, in black matte Docs and fishnets and my dad's jeans I made into baggy cut offs, throwing a flannel over my Beastie Boys concert t-shirt and getting ready to go to the Fabulous Foothill Tavern to see Guttermouth and the Lunachicks, cradling a 40 of Mickey's in the crook of one arm and a Rentals CD in the other, and wishing this guy I was in love, love, love with named J.T. Costa would call me but figuring he wouldn't because he was on acid at the Luscious Jackson show in Santa Barbara.

This was back when the Polaroids that make up the creepy, sexy liner of Exile In Guysville still existed...back when cell phones were only for use inside cars, and everyone had land lines and answering machines with special codes you dialed in to check your messages. Fairly pre-internet, unless you were a huge nerd- so, not so much with the email and the IM and the texting. People had pagers. You could still smoke everywhere, all the time. I'm going to stop now. The point of this is to say:

I forgive you, you awesome crazy broad. I forgive you.

Also, I just found out that the Foothill closed and that made me start to cry. I saw so many awesome bands there. I remember going to see that dog. there and being so drunk I don't even know how I got home. Good times.

No, THUNKS.

2008-06-25T13:56:00.003-04:00

I don't appreciate being followed around and filmed for the purposes of a god-damned video. My life is PRIVATE thanks very much, down to flaunting my oft mentioned true life dream of having myself animated by Don Bluth (who did the sequence in the film Xanadu that I wish I had not seen because I think that's when, right then and there, that I was ruined for life). How RUDE.

Oh wait...this video isn't starring me? It's just an alarming approximation of my life at the present? Oh. Well.

Awkward.

Enjoy the Scissor Sister's Mary. And try not to make eye contact with me for a day or two. K, thanks.

It has been a shitty week.

2008-06-24T14:45:00.010-04:00

In the past week:

I acted like a drunk idiot and did something I regret incredibly. Let me rephrase that, I acted like a drunk 22 year old idiot, and did something I regret incredibly. So much the worse for me.

Some nimrod at my office came to my desk and informed me, since we seem to be having some sort of summer cleaning initiative, that she "loved" my "creativity" but that I was going to have to remove certain things from my desk area. Such as my pristine condition, 1980 bright yellow Animalympics lunchbox. Keep in mind it is strategically placed so I don't have to be on display the entire day to everyone who passes by my desk. Sometimes, we all want a little respite from small talk so we can focus and get things done, am I right? I know I am. When this fellow employee said this to me, I wanted to reply with so many cuss types of things to her condescending peaked little rat face. Instead I stared at her for a long time, then went back to looking at my screen and just sighed loudly, and she scampered off to ruin someone else's day. I know it's just her job, but something about it chapped my hide. It was such a "junior high cheerleader speaking down to an audio visual nerd" moment and I was really not in need of it at that particular time.

Speaking of work, because I know everyone wants to know more about mine, my computer died and all my hard drive stuff seems to be lost. Including my work iTunes. Bleeech. All my Girl Talk mp3s, all gone, poof! Not insurmountable but not ideal.

On a recent Friday night visit to Long Island City, I had a moment of sadness when I realized my nastiness had come back to bite me in the ass, and did so in a public fashion. While I stand by my opinions, I also had the fact that when you say mean things even if they are true and done in an effort to protect people you care for, the results are not always pretty. It's not fun having morals and expecting others to, especially when they then turn around and undermine you. The people I think I care the most about seem, especially in this last year, to disappoint me the most.

To top it all off, I found out an old friend of mine had passed away about a week ago, and I'd been so wrapped up in my own stupid little egocentric baloney I didn't know.

There's more, but it's so stupid I can't even write about it on this, this being potentially the world's most self-absorbed blog. Yeah, it's stuff that's THAT stupid.

Instead of pouting and moping and feeling bad all day again today, I decided to do something about it. My friend Sean had mentioned a website to me called Kiva, where you could make micro loans to individuals in developing nations. I went, picked two people whose loan requests I liked, and with the click of a button, felt instantly better. Like I was doing something of value. Instead of sitting around whinging, wasting time, which some people who I really cared about and admired, don't have the luxury of doing anymore.

You should check out KIVA.org today. With a loan of just $25, you can change lives.

Thinking of a master plan...nah.

2008-06-17T18:31:00.004-04:00

Someone likes herself this video, which will surely keep American Apparel's pornographic swimwear line flying off the shelves, thereby bolstering the recent court woes of its Grand poo-bah pervert, Dov Charney.

Why does everyone hate so much on American Apparel ads, BTW? For the record, I like how not every woman in them is a white super skinny blonde, and that they even show their subject's pores, bruises, scars and even cellulite. You know, how real human females look when half-dressed-- not airbrushed plastic-filled freaks with hair color that's not bleached to shit? I, for one, dig it.

Mezmerized and horrified and delighted.

2008-06-16T13:30:00.003-04:00

Blackwell, by Adela Leibowitz, 2007

www.hpgrpgallery.com

I mean...this sums it up, for me. This right here. So creepy and enchanting and upsetting. I am going to stare at this for the next few hours and feel unsettled. And now you can, too.

And the companion...

2008-06-13T18:13:00.001-04:00

Thanks Crespo!

My First (and last) Kiss.

2008-06-13T15:31:00.004-04:00

I'd say Sara & I had our last dance last night, but a more appropriate description would bethat we had our last sweaty, creepy grind with a guy in a leather cord necklace to Next's hit Too Close. My love and thanks to everyone who came, and to those who didn't, YOU BLEW IT.

Thanks to the amazing cast of this series of videos, and to the wizardry of Carol Hartsell. Here's her very sweet description:

For two years Brandy Barber and Sara Jo Allocco have produced a comedy show that will live on in our memories as a hilarious night of too many drinks, copious make-out sessions, and great comedians. These videos bring together many of The Kissing Booths friends and regulars to say a final goodbye.

Featuring: Becky Ciletti, Emily Epstein, Vince Averill, Matt Sears, Oren Brimer, Neil Charles, Matt McCarthy, Glennis McMurray, Giulia Rozzi, Michael Terry, Carolyn Castiglia, Dan Allen, Eliza Skinner, Anne Altman, Jenny Rubin, Ann Carr, Katina Corrao, Jon Friedman, Michele Colyn, Eliot Glazer, Nathan Kloke, Jiwon Lee, Rob Gordon, Anthony Devito, Carrie Faverty and Jay Bois

Directed and Edited by Carol Hartsell

Produced by Drink at Work and The Kissing Booth

Based on characters created and lived by Brandy Barber and Sara Jo Allocco

And here's the companion- thanks Crespo!
http://video.televisionwithoutpity.com/player/?id=262078

The Kissing Booth: FINAL SHOW!

2008-06-11T17:00:00.000-04:00

The Kissing Booth was a monthly comedy
showcase hosted by duo Brandy & Sara from June 2006 to June 2008. Stand ups, sketch, songs, and more were seen from from NYC's premiere performers, always with a spectacularly drunken finale. After the show, there was a FREE late nite dance party - with cheap booze all nite long. Pucker Up For Comedy!

The Kissing Booth presents: THE FINAL SHOW (a.k.a., We're Sorry)!

WHERE: The Tank
WHEN: Thursday June 12th, 2008
Cocktail hour & reception from 7 - 8 PM with FREE PUNCH!
Final Show from 8 - 9:30 PM
Final After Party from 9:45ish to ?
COST: ABSOLUTELY FREE!
$3 Bud Light available all night, $4 wine, FREE PUNCH 'til the cooler runs dry!

Brandy & Sara are finally at the two year anniversary of their show! That’s right, two solid years of nonsense, hi-jinx, lewd talk and overall drunken bumbling is nigh. After some careful consideration, the gals have decided to take a hiatus to focus on other comedy projects together. So, much like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, they're leaping right the fuck off a cliff together (or running out with guns drawn to certain death, either/or) and getting out while the getting's good.

Come down to the final installment of what some people called their favorite show in New York (thanks Aubrey Tennant), some people called drunken karaoke rebranded as "comedy" and some people actually thought was a fucking monthly, operational Kissing Booth (those people were clearly retarded).

We'll have a lot of sentimental bullshit, and also some performances from:

Jamie Kilstein!

Eliot Glazer!

Matt & Katina!

Jay Bois!

Matt Ruby!

…and more, TBA!

PLUS: Photos taken by NATHAN KLOKE (www.nathankloke.com) and ANYA GARRETT (www.anyagarrett.com) and maybe even a final, tear-stained DRUNKEN SHITTY KARAOKE FINALE!!! Be there one last time or regret it forever!

www.myspace.com/thekissingboothnyc
www.thetanknyc.org

Cats & Chopsticks.

2008-06-11T15:18:00.003-04:00

This is special for so many reasons:

Quietly charming with a worldly flair:

Different, but equally awesome:

Comedy Brilliance Round Up.

2008-06-11T11:35:00.000-04:00

Haven't had a chance to post these fine snaps of me getting to meet some of my biggest comedy inspirations. So here they are, really really late.

OK, Bye.

Not So Much In Touch.

2008-06-11T08:00:00.000-04:00

[Click on image to enlarge]

I love how this yellow-encircled snippet queries whether Mary Kate Olsen has a drinking problem, and then goes on to describe what tends to be my typical Tuesday night.

Oh well.

Insert Gun Shots and Air Horn Sound Effects Here

2008-06-10T13:16:00.004-04:00

I went with my gal pal Joselyn to see M.I.A. at McCarren Park Pool last Friday. The show was dope, and I wish I hadn't gotten so awfully wasted because it's all a pleasant, neon blur to me now. But it seems I took some pictures...and then later when sober, I stole some pictures. Photo credits noted.

What an amazing show, though. All you M.I.A. haters fuck off, she is amazing and her live shows have been an absolute treat. Not so much so for the lame afterparty we trekked to Studio B for which I have to say, made me want to scratch my eyes out. Yuck.

The title of this blog is a quote from Jos used when describing what happened every ten seconds at the concert. Lots and lots of sound effects, which I liked but had I not been plastered I probably would have hit the ground and started praying.

Flyers- Jos swiped a bunch for us. [Photo by Bao Nguyen]

Kisses & fun at the show for these two drunk ladies. Thanks, Turkey's Nest!

When the sun wast setting, thus the light show didst begin.

Palm tree up close. These looked amazing! [Photo by Bao Nguyen]

More blurry stage shots from the back, where we were drunkenly scampering.

Lights and more lights. [Photo by Bao Nguyen]

Best outfit of all time- M.I.A. and one of her great back up gals. [Photo by Bao Nguyen]

Waiting so, soooooooo long for the G we sobered up. Kinda.

My friends are amazing.

2008-06-10T12:27:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I am just awestruck that I know some of the people I do. They make me laugh until I cry when I get to see them onstage or in videos, on TV, and so on. And the best part is I get to go out and get wrecked with them, too. Sometimes I even get to perform with them! Man oh man have I got it good. Yes, I am a braggart ass face.

Case in point: I watched my friends Livia & Biz's above video today and seriously freaked the fuck out. These two scamps have set the bar so high. I am full of interest and delight and fascination for this project. Hail Dirty Jeans & Thunderchief!

July 2008.

2008-06-09T17:09:00.002-04:00

My birthday's coming up and look what popped up on Google today when I was answering an email from Sara! Thanks for your sensitive, thoughtful banner ads, Google! We ALL win!!!

[Click on image to enlarge, fools]

Spaghetti & Meatballs.

2008-06-09T15:56:00.003-04:00

This clip pretty much sums up all there is to me to be said about relationships and romance. Yep. That's about it in my experience.

Tim And Eric Awesome Show Great Job is back with season 3 July 30th, 2008 on Adult Swim. Watch it, you ass.

One To Vomit On.

2008-06-09T12:01:00.002-04:00

My friend Ann Carr sent me this and it made me mostly sad, then somewhat angry then I just sighed and shook my head. Then I went and had a large hazelnut iced coffee and considered how much I hate other people. Not just men, other people- because there are lots and lots of female producers on these fucking shows, too.

What a bunch of bullshit. Cut to me today, on the F train to work, reading in my new print obsession, New York Magazine, about this shrill opportunistic money-grubbung shrew who has the audacity to compare her shit show plays to Eugene O'Neill and makes YouTube videos whining about how she won't get any money from her sickening sham of a "marriage". Then again, that old fool married her. I can't seem to get so much as groped by someone with a full set of clean teeth and this dumb broad is getting millions thrown at her to not have sex and get to buy shoes and shit all the time?!? Can someone make this make sense to me please? Because there is not enough iced hazelnut coffee in this world to do so right now methinks.

This world makes me annoyed. Paaaayyycce.

Songs What I Forgot: Right Here (Human Nature Remix), S.W.V.

2008-06-05T19:15:00.003-04:00

Damn, that's my equestrian jaaaaaam. This song still rules and if I still had a tape player, I'd be listening to it on CASSINGLE. Remember cassingles?! No? Well, Grandma B. sure does.

Get MORTIFIED Tonight!

2008-06-02T12:13:00.007-04:00

Hey all, come on down tonight to see me, that's right, ME, get totally MORTIFIED!

Mortified!

A comic excavation of teen angst artifacts as shared by their original authors before total strangers.

Comix
53 W 14th St New York, NY 10014
8 PM

ADVANCE TICKETS - $15
DAY OF SHOW TICKETS - $20

Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, The Onion AV Club, Esquire, Entertainment Weekly, Daily Candy, and more, Mortified is a comic excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories, and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. As the largest and longest-running project of its kind, our grassroots comedy collective has spent years sifting through hundreds of otherwise forgotten notebooks on a mission to celebrate the extraordinary lives of ordinary people. Mortified is co-produced in New York by Brandy Barber & Anne Altman.

*** Two-item minimum per person in the showroom.

Please click here for tickets!

Mini-Vacation Movie/Sean Crespo Has No Prior Knowledge.

2008-05-27T11:14:00.003-04:00

If you care to do so, click on this fun video to see our pal Sean's TWOP vlog, which is both a commentary on VH1's stable of reality show trash from its Flavor of Love, Rock of Love and I Love New York starring on a new competition show called I Love Money, AND, a living document of our recent Greenport winery trip! BOO YAH!

The Day The Popping Off Died: Bad Girl's Club II is no more.

2008-05-22T16:06:00.004-04:00

I knew it would come to and end, I just didn't realize how empty I would feel inside without my Tanisha fix. There were times I got cross with her for being unfair & unreasonable but you know what, no one is perfect and I have to say she impressed me with her growth. I want the best for her, I truly do. This second season of Oxygen's smash The Bad Girl's Club was my special treat to myself and I enjoyed the bejeezus out of it.

Why would I waste my time, you ask? Reality shows are beneath us, says you? Well, put down your pipe and that leather bound tome of yours, and take a gander at this, Einstein. I defy you to tell me this show was not fucking riveting, rollicking comedy gold afer reading this excerpted entry from Tanisha's online blog, regarding the explosive BGC2 reunion special:

It was shocking that Lyric [who left the house after only 2 weeks and a lot of crappy Rasta-esque poetry and really, really lame raps as discussed by the always amazing Jezebel- Ed.] decided to verbally attack me. I was completely thrown off because first of all I never had a problem with her mal-nourished spaghetti string, broom stick bamboo a$$.

She left the house simply because her sorry a$$ was there for all the wrong damn reasons. I mean come on now. Who the hell is going to sign someone that has the same name as the words of a song? Lyric? Yeah right Melissa! Try using your real name you hating a$$ b*tch! What I want to know is How the f*ck am I jealous of your nasty stringy scrawny dirty filthy a$$? B*tch what the hell are you doing with yourself? Besides making home videos and hitting up your local karaoke clubs and posting them on you tube? You’re a hater and that's all you will ever be Beiotch!

When your a$$ left we left on good terms. I hugged your frail a$$ and said my good-byes and that was that. I even spoke to you over the phone once after that when your pathetic worthless waste of good life a$$ called crying on the phone talking about "I should have never left man. Damn". B*tch get f*cking real!

You call yourself a queen? A role model and a star? Hahaha! The joke’s on you. You didn't last two seconds on the Bad Girls Club, the Tyra show, or the reunion. You’re just a hating a$$ trick that can't get a record deal even if you slept with half of the record execs across the U.S. You make me sick because your wack and weak and so damn fake!

You knew you had to leave the house b*tch because there could only be one captain and that was me! Your a f*cking loser flat a$$ wanna be rapper b*tch! Keep hating because I will always be big and marvelous. And you...well I suggest you go "watch a Tyra".

The only reason why I didn't drop kick your sorry a$$ was because I know how the LAPD gets down in LA. Thank the heavens you good for nothing smut! **On another note it was cool seeing some of the old camera crews. I think that was the best part of all. To the bouncer who held me back: Lyric owes you her sorry a$$ life!**

Whoooo-weeee! Lyric does, indeed, need to fall back like "whoa"! I cackled like a plump, hateful hen throughout this reunion special and it left me wanting oh, so much more. All I know is, I am going to ask Tanisha to be my MySpace friend and if she says no, I may have to pop off this mortal coil.

Farewell, BGC2. Enjoy this final goodbye...a touching song tribute if ever there was one.

PS When you watch Oxygen's video clips for this show, the stupid mini-ad that comes on is for canker sores...say no more.