"But they eat cats there!"

And then we came to the end

2008-07-07T05:55:00.000-07:00

We survived our 36 + hour trip home. Even though Jameson suffered the most during the trip (almost 2 days in a pet carrier with no bathroom break!), she's recovered the fastest.

I don't want to go into the horror of our trip home, but suffice it to say that it was like the movie "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles," but not funny. At all.

I just want to thank everyone for reading along with our adventure and sending me comments. So, thanks :-) I enjoyed writing for you, and I hope that you enjoyed reading it!

I won't be posting here any more since we're home; we're (hopefully) off to a new adventure soon. I'm on the job interview circuit. The picture above is from my first interview location. Pretty, no?

Countdown Day 27: Baby Backpacks

2008-06-29T06:19:00.000-07:00

Off our compound (which is filled with Hong Kongers and newly rich locals), we don't see many strollers. Rather, kids -- from newborns to toddlers -- are transported in people's arms or, more commonly, on people's backs using a nifty 4-cornered piece of cloth. In the photo to the right, gramma is toting a toddler around with one of these cloths.

I have no idea what these cloth carriers are called, but they are cool as hell. Simple, efficient, and, I imagine, easy to make at home. (EDIT: I just Googled it, and it seems that they are called "Mei Tei," not to be confused with mai tai!) It's basically a rectangular piece of cloth with four long straps attached, one to each corner. Put your kid on your back, put the Mei Tei over the kid, and use the four straps to secure the kid and Mei Tei to your body (the straps come together in the front around the boobage area).

Here is a picture of a finished Mei Tei (here they are usually made of prettier fabric). The image was yoinked from this web site that tells you how to make your very own.
Anywho, D and I both noticed that we never hear babies cry here. I wouldn't be surprised that this way of transporting them has something to do with it. In the U.S. babies are usually shoved into strollers. Wouldn't you rather be snuggled up next to mum or dad or gramma or grampa? I know I would.

A cultural difference to note: these baby slings are never worn in the front by Chinese, always on the back. I think that strength -- or lack thereof -- probably has something to do with this. Sometimes we see a little old gramma who probably weighs all of 80lbs with a 20lb kid strapped to her; it would be difficult for her to carry the kid in the front.

If you want one of these things but you're not the sewing type, check out this site (betterforbabies.com); it sells U.S. made Mei Tei that are constructed from organic cloth: EllaRoo Mei Tei

Countdown Day 22: Squatting

2008-06-22T05:26:00.000-07:00

Upon arriving in the Middle Kingdom, I learned two things really quickly: (1) how to use a squatter and (2) that I should avoid sitting on public benches. Given the prevalence of squat toilets here (i.e., they make up 99.9% of the toilets available), the reason for learning how to use them is clear. What might not be clear is why I never, ever sit on public benches. The reason is simple: Chinese people usually don't sit on the benches, they climb up on them, perch on the edge of the bench, and squat. Given the amount of crap that the bottoms of people's shoes encounter in any given day here, I'd rather not sit where they squat.

The Chinese squat, pictured here, is one of the most common sites in China. Everyone squats. Little kids. Big kids. Old people, young people. Men and women. When Chinese people get tired of standing, they squat. If you walk though the local village, you'll see groups of men ~~sitting~~squatting around playing cards, smoking, eating, etc. Manual laborers also make good use of the squat. For instance, the groundskeepers in charge of pulling up weeds on our compound squat down to do so. Their butts are so close to the ground that you'd think they're actually touching (but they're not). It's pretty impressive.

Class standing might play a role in the propensity to squat or not, though. I noticed that the the nouveau riche who live at our compound don't squat as much as other folks do (also, a lot of the people who live at in our compound are from Hong Kong, so there's a difference between their habits and mainlanders' habits, too). If you're on our compound, you will see people sitting rather than squatting on benches. But the little kids who live here still kick it old school -- even if mummy and daddy are sitting primly on a bench, the little one will be squatting down on the ground, happy as a clam (just like kids everywhere!).

Even though I think that adult-squatting looks weird in an urban setting (I always imagine it happening in the country or in "the bush"), it makes sense. It's economical (don't need a chair), and it promotes balance and flexibility. If you want to see a humorous video about the "Asian Squat," follow this link and scroll down to the bottom of the page for the embedded YouTube video. The full post is worth reading, too.

Countdown Day 20: D's Photo Ops

2008-06-21T02:18:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know D know that he's fond of "costuming" -- i.e., altering his appearance, often in radical ways, just for the sheer fun of it. This garnered him some second glances in the U.S. (especially in places like the 'Cuse and Greenville). Here, however, his foreigner status + his wacky look stops people dead in their tracks. (Heck, my own plain Jane self also gets second looks here, so you can imagine what they think of D).

Frequently, the stares (and giggles) are accompanied by cell-phone photo taking or by requests for a photo op with D. For example, just last week when we were in Hong Kong, a couple of businessmen from India wanted their picture taken with him. And today during our semi-weekly Jusco/McDonald's pilgrimage, a group of local teens asked for the same (prefaced by the compliment, "We think you have much fashion."). I've captured that event here. (Notice that two of the females in the picture have their fingers in the "V" position. For whatever reason, most young Chinese -- especially females -- are unable to stand for a photo without making this gesture. When I asked my students what it means, they told me 'Victory.' When I asked, 'Victory over what?' they could not tell me. So, the 'V' mystery lives on).

Countdown Day 18: Tangjia Mutt

2008-06-17T23:58:00.000-07:00

This dog is my favorite dog in Tangjia, the village near our apartment. It's so damn ugly, you've got to love it. I mean, check out that underbite! It lords over the streets, doing whatever it pleases. In person, this dog has a lot of personality -- it kind of reminds of me a grizzled old neighbor who is crochety, but who nevertheless gives out Halloween candy to neighborhood kids.

You'd think that since it's so filthy that it would be a stray. Not so. It lives in one of the businesses in Tangjia. When I took this photo, it was looking a little more ragged than usual, probably because it'd just had puppies.

This is its offspring, who in this picture is sleeping in the doorway of the business where they both live.

Countdown Day 16: Magic Grades

2008-06-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

This is a guest post by the resident pain-in-the-ass-partner, D.

As a teacher, one of the most dreaded and gut-wrenchingly difficult tasks you face is assigning overall course grades at the end of a term. You see, it's not as easy as the "good students get As," the "above average students gets Bs," etc. Usually, you have numerous battles [sometimes with your own conscience, sometimes with
colleagues, etc.] over just *how* to do it – i.e., what system will be fair, ethical, and appropriate to both individual students and the class as a whole?

At the school where RB and I teach, we don't get to (or have to) make ANY of these difficult decisions. These decisions are made for us. RB and I, not so affectionately, have dubbed the process "MAGIC GRADES."

This is how MAGIC GRADES work. Start with the number of students enrolled in your class and then multiple that number by two different percentages: 20% and 75%. This represents the percentage of A grades and the percentage of A and B grades combined that one is strongly suggested to give. On paper, the official guidelines allow for some flexibility; however, I was told ". . . do this if you want to avoid trouble."

For example, I have 77 students in one of my classes. So, I need to give 15 students a grade of "A" (i.e., 77 * 0.20 = 15); and I also need to give a total of 58 students a grade of either "A" or "B" (i.e., 77 * 0.75 = 58). Note, this grade assignment must occur irrespective of the actual score they earned in the class (e.g., a student who earned only 50% of the total class points will magically receive a 'B' rather than an 'F' simply because we need more Bs in this particular class).

And now you know the "rest of the story!"

Stewed, Screwed & Tattooed

2008-06-17T06:13:00.000-07:00

On Monday, D and I took a short break from work to enjoy an overnight stay in Hong Kong. Part of the fun was getting "inked" at Star Crossed Tattoo. The artist in residence is named Julia, a well-known and well-respected local artist and, we suspect, soon to be known on the international scene if she isn't already. We were pretty jazzed that she could book us in for appointments before we left for home since her schedule fills up fast.

The studio is a comfortable place. It has a room where Julia works and also has a separate waiting area with a comfy couch, a coffee table, and lots of tattoo books and mags to look at while you wait. The waiting area even has a plasma t.v. on the wall. D got to watch several episodes of Night Rider while he waited for Julia to finish my piece (which was a real treat after the craptacular stuff we are subjected to on mainland t.v.).

All of the staff at Star Crossed Tattoo were professional and super nice. In addition to Julia, there are two other staff members: Ross (the studio's piercer) and Rob (Julia's apprentice). When we visited the studio was hosting a guest tattoo artist, Kevin Poon from Scorpion Studios in Houston, Texas. They were an all-around cool bunch -- friendly, professional, and willing to chat to make the time pass.

The work that Julia did on us was fabulous. We both brought her challenging designs, and she executed them really well. Note, for example, the super clean lines on D's tattoo.

Mine, a patriotic piece inspired by my year as an expat (location: upper left arm) --

D's work is a political statement of a different kind, which he describes as an informal social experiment that will hopefully cause people to think about gender and maybe engage in conversations about it (location: left forearm) --

Countdown Day 7: Vending Machine Update

2008-06-11T23:30:00.001-07:00

A while back I posted about the new vending machines we got on campus. When they arrived, it was a pretty big deal because they were the ONLY vending machines on campus. There literally was nowhere to purchase a cold beverage -- or any beverage, for that matter -- within a half mile radius before they arrived.

I also shared with you email that was sent out that encouraged us to purchase a certain amount of beverages per month so that the college would fulfill its sales contract with the beverage distributors.

I suspect that you've all been on the edge of your seats wondering if the college was able to pull together as a team and down enough corn syrup-laden beverages to keep the machines on campus. Well, the verdict is in. Take a look at the latest vending machine email, which was sent out last week to all faculty, staff, and students:

--------------------------------------
Dear all,

Please be informed that you have consumed enough quota of soft drinks from the vending machines provided by Coca Cola in last month. There will be no problem to keep them in this College. Thanks for your support.

Mr. Man
Director of General Affairs

--------------------------------------

I must admit that I can't take credit for this rousing success; I only purchased one Coke. Clearly I am not a team player.

So, you can all breathe easy knowing that our campus, at least for now, is rolling in Coke products. I'm wondering, though, what will happen during the summer months when there are no students around. . .

Guiding Philosophy Quiz

2008-06-07T04:28:00.001-07:00

This is a non-China related post, but I thought the quiz was fun, so I took it and posted my results. If you've got 5 spare minutes, try it for yourself!

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Existentialism

Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life.

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”

“It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.”

--Jean-Paul Sartre

“It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.”

--Blaise Pascal

More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...

Existentialism

90%

Utilitarianism

65%

Justice (Fairness)

60%

Hedonism

55%

Kantianism

40%

Nihilism

35%

Apathy

30%

Strong Egoism

25%

Divine Command

Countdown Day 6: Funny English

2008-06-07T00:01:00.000-07:00

When faced with a pile of essays or exams to grade, the prospect of finding unintentionally humorous sentences lightens the load a bit.

For example, the final exam for 2nd-year English asked students to use this phrase in a sentence in order to show its meaning: "no one under 21 should be allowed to." Most students wrote something like, "No one under 21 should be allowed to get married" or "No one under 21 should be allowed to drink wine". One student, however, offered this bit of wisdom, complete with quotation marks indicating spoken language:

"No one under 21 should be allowed to go into the Porn bar," my father told me.

I had to restrain myself from writing "Good advice!" in the margin.

Chinese students are, by and large, pretty naive about sex, and whenever anything even remotely related to sex comes up in class, they giggle and blush. So, the sexual content of their writing is usually the result of an unintended double meaning. Take this sentence, for instance, which my office mate found in a student's essay about feelings [in particular, about helping cheer friends up when they are sad]:

You should give your friend a hand when he is feeling hard.

We both got a puerile laugh out of that one.

Most of the time, teachers can figure out what their students intend to say. But sometimes our students' writing falls into the "WTF" category. D encountered a good example of this in a student project, which was a student-designed survey on the topic of perfume use. One of the questions on the survey asked respondents where they put perfume, and offered several options (A, B, C, D). One of the choices was "Cervix." Ouch.

Countdown Day 5: Home Security

2008-06-06T04:10:00.000-07:00

Folks here take home security seriously, but they mostly kick it old school. For example, barbed wire seems to be the major deterrent of choice. We see it strung up around houses, across windows, laced through shrubbery -- basically wherever someone wants to put a barrier, a no-passing zone.

Barbed wire is fine. Ugly, but effective. My hands-down favorite for it's low-cost and arsty look is the broken-glass-in-cement approach. Take a look at this wall. It looks like a normal wall. Even a happy wall (note the cute mural):

But take a closer look. That cheerful facade sports a line of broken glass embedded in cement that will cut you to pieces snikety-snack if you try to enter this house without being invited:

I have a dream that someday I will live in the middle of nowhere in a house that's off the grid and surrounded by a barbed wire fence and claymore land mines. Given the nanny-state "you-can't-do-that-someone-might-put-an-eye-out" regulations in the U.S., I might just have to retire in China.

Countdown Day 4: Corner Market

2008-06-05T03:53:00.000-07:00

China has big stores, but it has tons and tons and tons (and tons) of little stores. Some of the stores are mobile -- a buggy on the back of a bicycle, for example, or a blanket spread on the ground with wares for sale. But most of the smaller stores are of the "mom-n-pop-corner-market" variety.

Now, before you get images in your head of gleaming 7-11 markets with refrigerated beverages etc., just stop. No such luxuries exist in the village near our house. Rather, this is the typical corner market:
They sell the staples that the locals need: beer, various salty sauces for cooking, eggs (usually), dried noodles, baiju (a fouler than foul liquor), cigarettes, etc. The contents change from store to store, with some stores having a better variety of stuff.

We have a favorite corner market that we frequent that's across the street from the gym. The women who runs it is nice to us and doesn't charge us a foreigner mark-up. Plus, they stock PBR, which is one of our staple foods here.

The coolest part about these markets is that they're open late and they seem to be able to sell whatever they want to. None of these pesky regulations prohibiting them from selling beer before noon (for instance).

Countdown Day 3: China Post

2008-06-04T03:10:00.000-07:00

China Post is the Chinese equivalent of the U.S. Postal System. While their package handling skills could use some improvement, I can say that we have received (eventually) every package that was sent to use from family in the U.S.

One of great things about living here is the lack of mail that we get. When we do receive items, it's usually something important: a package from home, a bill, a post card. We don't get nearly the amount of junk mail that we receive in the U.S. I empty our mailbox about once a month (if that), and I only ever have a handful of items to deal with. This is fabulous.

The postal workers have official vehicles just like U.S. postal workers do. Except in China, the vehicles are of the two-wheeled variety. Here is the "mail truck" for the postal worker who delivers mail to our compound:
And here is said postal worker on his way to deliver more mail (Check out that hat!):

Countdown Day 2: Sweet Potato Guy

2008-06-03T03:02:00.000-07:00

Two treats are especially popular here: baked sweet potatoes and steamed ears of corn. Both can be bought pretty much any time of day from street vendors. When you buy a potato or corn, the vendor puts in in a very thin semi-transparent plastic bag (what are called "food bags" around here) and then you can munch on it without having to touch it with your "bus hands" (i.e., hands that are incredibly germ-ridden from being in public, holding onto the handles on the bus, etc. Remember, most public Chinese restrooms don't have soap or hot water).

The photo here is of one potato seller. He's got his wares laid out on top of the drum that he uses to cook the potatoes. When business isn't good at one location, he just pushes his potato cart to a new one. Pretty nifty.

Oh, and when people eat the potatoes here, they don't eat the skin. They peel it off piece by piece and just eat the insides.

Day 1: The Great Firewall

2008-06-01T00:46:00.000-07:00

This is the first day of the 30-day countdown. Today's topic: Internet censorship in China (a.k.a. The Great Firewall of China).

Most people know that the Internet is heavily censored in China. For example, very few blogs are available here (like this one, for example -- I can post to it, but people in China can't read it). And the CCP takes a pretty aggressive stance toward censoring anything remotely critical of it. In short, entire areas of the WWW are blocked from users in China, some for no apparent reason.

When I try to access a blocked website, this is what I see:
This is a sight that I encounter many times a day, every day. Aside from the lack of access, I find this error announcement to be incredible irritating and disingenuous. After all, nowhere in the list presented does it say that the website has been blocked by government censors. They just do it and pretend like users aren't wise to their shenanigans.

And it's not like they even have to be sly. In my (albeit limited) experience, most Chinese don't care at all about the censors. Some of my students, for example, seem to believe that the government bans sites because "they are bad for us" (exact quote). In fact, some of them are so well-trained that they hesitated to use Wikipedia for an in-class assignment because that site is usually blocked. They asked me, "Is it okay to use this?" (And no, they weren't talking about the quality of research, they were talking about access to it). What could I do? I just told them, "Well, if it's not blocked now, it must be okay to use it, right?" Never mind that tomorrow/next month/next week it will be blocked again. Of course, I suspect that most of them probably just have their workarounds for finding information. Truth be told, they're not all that keen on researching the topics that their government censors (e.g., that place up North with all the monks; that thorn-in-the-side 'renegade' nation to the East of Fujian province; the dude-in-front-of-tank episode). They're much more interested in Japanese pop singers and NBA stats.

The lack of access to the Internet is one big reason why I could never live in China long-term. It doesn't just interfere with my YouTube addiction, it interferes with my research. It's possible that the government will one day case to play net nanny to its citizens, but I don't think that's going to happen any time soon. And while there are "workarounds" to accessing banned sites, they don't always work, and they're a PITA* to use.

* = Pain in the Ass

30-day countdown

2008-05-29T00:43:00.000-07:00

Beginning on June 1, I will offer a daily post that showcases some of the everyday stuff we see here. Since we've been here for 10 months now, some of the things we once marveled at have become mundane. As we prepare to return home, I intend to chronicle some of these things and share them with you all. So, check back soon, and get ready to count down the days with us!

A Traumatic Day + bonus (non trauma) photo

2008-05-25T03:51:00.000-07:00

Some of you may already know that D an I will be returning to the U.S. in July. As you can imagine, my big concern is Jameson, the cat. It was hard getting her here, and it's going to be hard getting her out. There are 10 million bureaucratic hoops to jump through, made all the more difficult because they're all Chinese hoops that are in Chinese.

So, in addition to me tracking down all the paperwork/vets/officials that I need to to get papers to allow the cat to leave the country, I've got to coerce a bi-lingual speaker to go with me to translate. Gah.

Today I had to take Jameson to a vet. In order for China to allow her to leave the country, she needs to be vaccinated against rabies. Never mind that she received a 3-year rabies vaccination in the U.S. before we came -- they don't recognize that here.

Without going into too many of the details, let me say that the lowered standards of cleanliness that apply everywhere else here apply to the vet's, too. Some things were similar, of course -- for example, corporate pet food displays. And just like at vet offices in the U.S., this one had its resident pets. Only here, the pets were kept in a tiny cage with bars for floors without food or water. Nice.

Anyway, Jameson received her shot, we got a certificate for the shot, and the next step is to go to the city quarantine office to try and procure a health certificate for the pet. Oh, to add to the fun, Jameson is reacting badly to her (probably tainted) vaccination. She's been barfing her head off. But, she is hardy, so hopefully she'll be okay.

In other news, the corn here is growing like crazy. The rule "knee high by 4th of July" simply doesn't apply. Photographic evidence (I was talking when D took the photo -- and check out my sweet sun hat that has a neck-protector flap in the back):

Runningburro, Superhero

2008-05-23T19:03:00.000-07:00

Last night after my hour on the treadmill (hello, Wineglass Marathon training), D and I were in the Tangjia square using the ATM.

The square is a big paved area in front of a sprawling multi-story plaza. It's basically used as a multi-purpose area by everyone in the village. On the side of the plaza is a jumbotron television that broadcasts Chinese T.V. at night. So all the locals ~~sit~~ squat in the square and watch some telly, snack on meat-on-a-stick, and so on. In one area off to the side, couples dance for fitness. During the day, the dancing area is used by kids as a skating rink. There's a pool table area, too, where the local dudes rack-and-break while sipping beers and smoking, smoking, smoking.

The square is also home to a few carnival (knock-the-the-bottle-over) type games, a big inflatable trampoline cage that's always over-filled with little kids, and mini go-carts that kids can rent and drive around. As you can imagine, this is all quite hectic. Oh, did I mention that it's also used as a parking lot?

Anywhoo, I was waiting for D to finish his business at the ATM, and I was watching this little kid play with an inflated balloon. This kid was mobile, but he wasn't able to talk yet, so he was pretty little -- baby-ish. He dropped his balloon on the ground, and the wind kicked up carried the balloon across the square away from him. He protested, "EEEEeeeeeeeeeeeee!" His mother looked kind of distressed.

BUT, guess who was standing exactly in the path of the renegade balloon? That's right, me! My super-aunt ninja training skills kicked in and I subdued the balloon and handed it back to the kid who wasn't even old enough to be all, "hey, mom, foreigner!" He just smiled. (His mom thanked me profusely).

It's nice to be of help, especially when I feel like I always the one who needs help around here.

People power

2008-05-20T22:31:00.000-07:00

One of the most fascinating developments in the aftermath of the Sichuan earthquake is the grass-roots response it has encouraged. Everyday people are organizing on their own to provide relief and support. This might not seem like a big deal to those of use in populist countries, but it is a big deal here. Sentiments like this one (quoted in this article) probably make the central government here nervous:

“I haven’t done this [spontaneous volunteering] before,” said Mr. Hao, 36, as he straddled his mountain bike on Saturday evening. “Ordinary people now understand how to take action on their own.”

The college at where I work is organizing its own support. It's planning to raise money to build new schools. And the students here have decided to hold a talent show to raise money.

Apparently, tents are the most needed item right now. Official numbers place the homeless population in the earthquake region at 5 million. Can you imagine?

If you want do do something to help, take a look at this list. It was compiled by the NY Times, and it's a pretty comprehensive overview of charities that are working to alleviate the hardship of those in Sichuan province.

There are also some ideas in the comments section of the post. For example, one commenter claims that habitat for humanity will be in the region helping to rebuild homes.

Open your mouth, and close your eyes . . .

2008-05-17T05:43:00.001-07:00

This sign was posted in a Hong Kong Starbucks. Any guesses as to what the nice surprise is?

Well-adjusted? Moi?

2008-05-14T23:31:00.000-07:00

I took an online quiz called "What Kind of Ex-Pat are you?" It's designed for those of us in China. If you're curious, here is how I scored:
----------------------
Your Result: Well adjusted Ex-Pat --

China might not be everything that you expected, but you can accept it for what it is. After all, it would be no fun if you knew everything before you came, and it's not as if China is being like that just to spite you.

China has it's good points, which are very good, and its bad points, which you don't dwell on.

You also accept that you can't really make much of a difference and so you don't really try all that much.

You have a small collection of open minded Chinese friends with whom you can talk openly about touchy topics, but, for those who are not open minded, you know not to press the point too much. All in all though you are more interested in hearing about them and China, than in telling them about you and your country. And you have no intention of spoiling a good friendship by inserting your foot into your mouth for the sake of a debate.

You can speak some Chinese and, even if you are not very good at it, you still try. When you get home, you will show off your Chinese language skills to your friends.
--------------------------
I'd say that this is mostly true except for the language part. I do know some Chinese, and I do use it on a daily basis, but it's nothing that I could "wow" my friends with.

China Quake Photo "Essay"

2008-05-13T23:33:00.000-07:00

This photo essay has been posted online. It's not for those with weak stomachs or sensitivity to carnage. The images are no worse than those that we saw after Hurricane Katrina, but those images were heartbreaking.

There are several bright spots. First, people are being very generous with their money. Our college alone has collected a sizable donation for the relief effort. It will be handled by the Red Cross in China. Second, the world-famous Giant Pandas seem to have escaped harm. Those critters are already on the endangered species list, so it's a good thing they didn't get smooshed.

12,000

2008-05-13T07:39:00.000-07:00

That's the current death toll from the massive earthquake that hit Sichuan province on Monday afternoon. The only effect we've felt here is emotional; a number of my students are from that province.

Some of the details are particularly devastating: 900 students buried under the rubble of one middle school; thousands of workers killed in one factory. It boggles the mind.

Scarier still is the hand, foot, and mouth disease tearing through Anhui and Guangdong province. That's a bit closer to home. My colleagues with small children are a bit worried.

Conspicuous Consumption

2008-04-30T05:47:00.000-07:00

This week the college got some beverage vending machines delivered to campus. If you're curious, the machines stock Coca-Cola products and canned coffee drinks (Nescafe). The person in charge of arranging the machines sent out this announcement, which I want to commend for its forthrightness.

______________________

To: All staff
From: Mr. Director
Subject: Vending machines

Dear all,

Please be informed that cold drinks in vending machines are ready for use. They are located outside Room E207 and B201, B202 open space. We are required to consume 1,200 units per month/each machine to qualify to keep them here, so please make well use of these machines.

Sincerely,

Mr. Director
______________________

Given the nature of this place, I keep expecting a schedule to appear with required "voluntary" purchasing days.

Pop Quiz #2

2008-04-28T00:30:00.000-07:00

The object that I am holding in the photo above is:

A) my new badminton racket
B) a miniature tennis racket
C) a teacher's helper (you know, for recalcitrant students)
D) a bug zapper

Be prepared to be jealous, dear readers; the answer is D. This is my new anti-mosquito device, and I have to say, it's mighty fun to use. Basically, this thing is a hand-held electric bug zapper. And it works pretty well. When you smack a bug with it, it fries the critter with a satisfying "Bzzzzzzzt-pop!"

"But how does this technological miracle work," you might be asking. Well, take a look at the English instructions, which I have reproduced for you here (I've left the grammar/phrasing "as is"):

FEATURES [number 5 is very non-committal]:
1. Consisting of three (3)layers of metal net
2. Absolutely safe for people to touch the outer nets with bare finger or body but not safe to squeeze the nets
3. Zapping bugs dead instead of squashing
4. Convenient to kill mosquitoes or bugs effectively, quickly and clean in the house or outdoors; no smell, no chemical; and no environment pollution
5. Normally, bugs will possibly be zapped into pieces in one or two shocks.

DIRECTIONS [note the deterministic tone of 4]:
1. Install batteries
2. Grip handle, press the switch button to initiate power on the nets. Be sure to keep pressing the switch button while hitting the bugs.
3. Never shall we get any shock or danger when we touch (not squeeze) the outer nets, so we can flap mosquito stopping on our skin with this safe swatter directly without shocks.
4. Once the mosquito get in touch with the swatter net, it certainly will not be able to escape. it may be either drawn into the inner net or fastened by static force to the outer net: but when any pat of its body approach the inner net, it will eventually get shocks and zapped immediately.

And finally, some WARNINGS [most of these, like the "THIS BAG IS NOT A TOY" warning, go into the "no duh category"):
1. Do not wash the swatter with water.
2. Do not use metal articles inserting into the nets to initiate sparks for fun, as itmay cause shocks to people and damages to swatter.
3. This swatter is not a toy for children.
4. Do not use it at areas where flammable gas or liquid is existing.

They really ought to market these things in the U.S. I can just imagine the hilarity they'd add to drunken July 4th celebrations.