Coffee with Mz. Jackson

Friday's Feast the Tenth

2007-08-03T04:55:00.000-07:00

Appetizer
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how polite are you?
I would say 9. Of course if you count the chin hair plucking in public thing, that might knock me down to a 7. But I would say that all in all, I am very polite. I am, after all, Southern!

Soup
What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?
I watched a rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond where Ray and Deborah are in a standoff on how long the other one can go without sex. Deborah comes in in a black teddy and does one of those sexy crawls across the bed. Ray, who is in silk shorts, tries to do the same sexy crawl. Also, he has oiled himself up and when Deborah asks him if he did so, he says, "No those are my natural juices..."

Salad
Who is your favorite cartoon character?
Spongebob SquarePants. He and Patrick are hilarious.

Main Course
Tell about the funniest teacher you ever had.
Dr. Mark Hellstern, my American Humanities professor. He has this really dry kind of humor that makes you think. Also he gave everyone a short lesson in ballroom dancing and the expression on his face when people stepped on his foot was classic.

Dessert
Complete this sentence: I strongly believe that the bridges in the United States need attention. NOW.

Something you might not know about me...

2007-08-03T04:41:00.001-07:00

I pray everytime I go over a big bridge. Out loud. My family and friends laugh at me, but I have been doing so for years, ever since this happened:

Bridge: Interstate 40 span in Webbers Falls, Okla. | Disaster: A barge rammed the bridge, and vehicles fell into the Arkansas River | Fatalities: 14 | Date: May 26, 2002

And now, this has happened in Michigan:

To me, there is no excuse for this last one. People pay taxes to ensure their roads are safe. There was no earthquake or even a barge to cause this tragedy. This resulted from plain and simple carelessness.

Wake up, state and federal governments! How many people have to die before you get a clue? I shall continue to pray when I go over bridges, but you know what?

I should not have to.

The Five Things Meme

2007-08-01T19:47:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged by my buddy, Rebecca for The Five Things Meme.

List five things in your refrigerator:

American Cheese slices
Deli sliced turkey
Milk
eggs
Pepsi

Five things in your closet:

All of Mr. Jackson's clothes; mine are in an antique wardrobe
Suitcases
Antique books
Shoes
Wrapping paper for all occasions

Five things in your purse or backpack:

Wallet
lottery tickets
Betty Boop calendar
About twenty keys,and I only know what a quarter of them unlock
My badge for work

Five things in your car:

Lottery tickets (are you sensing a theme here?)
My old date book
CD's
Magnifying mirror and tweezers. My kids just love it when I pluck my eyebrows or chin at a stop light. But where else will I get such good sunlight?
Mail I forgot to take inside

Five things in the world you want to see before you die:

The castle in Cong, Ireland, where the Quiet Man was filmed
The Tuscan countryside in Italy
Ancient Greek and Roman Ruins
The Swiss Alps
The Redwood Forest in California

I think just about everyone has already been tagged, but if you are reading this and would like to participate, this tag is for you!

Friday's Feast the Ninth

2007-07-27T04:21:00.000-07:00

Are you as terrified as I am???

Appetizer
Describe a toy you remember from your childhood.
When I was about five, my grandmother bought my Aunt Jill (her youngest child of nine, who was six months younger than I), my sister Trish, and I each a Baby Chrissy Doll for Christmas. Baby Chrissy was a big chubby baby doll whose "hair can be long, or short as can be") because she had a hole in the head where you could pull the long hair out and a string in the back to pull the hair back in. I hated Baby Chrissy from the first time I saw her. I loved tiny baby dolls I could hold like a newborn and Chrissy's head was as big as mine. Somehow I didn't feel like a real mother when my kid weighed as much as I did. But I had to act grateful, which I tried to do without much success. There is a photo lurking around somewhere (wish I could find it!) of me with this huge doll and a sulky look on my face.
Needless to say, my mother wanted to skin my hide by the time we got home!

Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being highest) how observant are you?
It depends. When it comes to objects, I am not naturally observant. But I am very observant of people and am really sensitive to the moods of others.

Salad
Where would you rather be at this very moment?
In heaven.
No, just kidding, I would love to be sitting in my someday dreamhouse, looking over my someday large estate from my someday nicely built deck while I sip a morning cup of coffee and blog on my laptop.

Main Course
When was the last time you learned something new?
At the postal training, believe it or not. I learned that donuts were actually created for a member of the Pony Express by his wife so that he could easily carry bread with him and eat it without stopping.

Dessert
Fill in the blank: I have RIDDEN A ROLLER COASTER ONCE but I haven’t GOTTEN ON ONE SINCE. Few things terrify me as much as that plunge down the hill. Except maybe Baby Chrissy...

Have a happy weekend everyone!!

Thursday's Thirteen

2007-07-25T18:52:00.000-07:00

Though I really love the new mail route I'm working on, I had forgotten a lot of the hazards of delivering mail in a rural area. So for those who might be interested, here goes...

1. Snakes: Yes folks, we have a bunch of snakes in Oklahoma and many are poisonous. We've got to deal with copperheads, rattlesnakes, and water moccasins. With the recent flooding on my route, I've seen several moccasins slithering across the road this week. I also saw a big black snake up on a customer's porch. Needless to say, I did not get out and go to the door!

2. Wasps and bees: I've fought off several wasp attacks this week. They're nesting right now and they love nothing better than to set up housekeeping in mailboxes! (Picture Mz. Jackson using your copy of Woman's World or Family Circle to fend off a red wasp attack) I had a hornet fly in the truck with me this week and managed to get the window down to let him out. I had a red wasp fly in with me today and I couldn't get him out, so we battled and I won. In other words, he died. I felt bad, but it was me or him...

3. Other bugs that bite instead of sting: Some boxes get filled with black or red ants who really resent my opening their new home. I also have to watch for biting flies, horse flies, and mosquitos, all of whom would love nothing better than to feast on Mz. Jackson.

4. Deer: These sweet creatures love to come leaping out of nowhere and into the path of oncoming traffic. I do not want to hurt a deer, nor do I want to have an accident. So I'm always on the lookout.

5. Protective dogs: I almost jumped out of my skin today when a cocker spaniel (who badly needed a trim) came lunging at my arm today as I reached to put mail in a box. I still haven't calmed my heartbeat.

6. The occasional perverted client: I haven't had this happen on my new route yet, but in the past I've had dirty old men come out and make suggestive comments at the box. A fellow female carrier had one customer who would come stand buck naked in his glass doorway when she drove up to the box.

7. Farm machinery: When you're on a narrow country road and you cross paths with a huge hay bailer, you'd best find a place to pull over. That's all I can say.

8. Speed demon cowboys: Cowboys and farm boys are great to have around when you have a flat tire or need your truck pulled out of a ditch. But they like to take those country roads fast in their pickups, so look out! Yee hah!

9. Children: My heart is in my throat when children come running to the box to get their mail. I live in terror of accidentally running over a child, so I'm especially careful.

10. Jewelry on my right hand: You know that little latch on the top of your typical mailbox? Get your ring caught on it as you are pulling away and you could break your arm or rip it out of the socket. So I move my ring to my left hand til I'm done working.

11. Sunburn on my right arm: Mz. Jackson is part Cherokee and so tans easily, but even she needs to remember to wear sunscreen on that right arm. Not only is one tan arm a bit unattractive, but after a while that arm starts to burn, and if I'm not careful I'll end up looking like a dried up piece of leather.

12. Trains: I cross a major train track five times during the course of my route. It would be really easy to forget to look for trains. But I don't want to get smashed, so I do.

13. My own stupid driving mistakes: Needless to say, I am like most drivers in that my own mistakes cause me the most problems. So I try to stay off the cell phone (it's not illegal to talk and drive here~yet...) and to not look at the mail while I'm driving.

Be safe out there everybody!

Scroll Down for Wordless Wednesday...

2007-07-24T17:37:00.000-07:00

Well, the Prodigal Daughter has finally returned to the fold. My training for my new job is finally complete. I am working as a part-time rural carrier for the U.S. Postal Service. What is funny is that I worked as a carrier for over ten years and then quit for a while, but they still made me go through all that training again. That's a government job for you.

Last time I worked as a rural carrier, the area I carried in was anything but rural. It was mostly suburban. This time, I am carrying in a farm community with some of the most beautiful scenery you can imagine. Some of my customer's houses even sit on the lake. I will be working there a couple of days a week and I know I'm going to enjoy it. Eventually I will get some pictures to show you all just how lovely it really is.

I've missed you all and can't wait to catch up on what's been going on around our blogosphere!

Wordless Wednesday

2007-07-24T17:29:00.000-07:00

Check first post for explanation of this slice of Americana...

Time flies...

2007-06-26T17:59:00.001-07:00

Jiminy Christmas, I haven't written anything on my blog since Friday. My only excuse is that I've had to go to training for my new job this week. I will be back on track as soon as possible and I'll be glad because I miss visiting with you guys! Take care.

Friday's Feast, June 22

2007-06-22T12:41:00.000-07:00

Friday's Feast

More than just a meal...

Appetizer
Name a funny habit you have.
I cannot touch a public restroom handle after I've washed my hands. I either use a paper towel to open or go to great lengths to avoid touching the handle with my bare hands. I've even used my foot!

Soup
If you could instantly know how to play a musical instrument, which one would you pick?
Definitely the piano. I had five years of lessons and still can only play the most basic melodies. But my brother played classical music by ear, which made me highly jealous. I still am not over it...
Also, I can so see myself playing the drums. I got rhythm, baby!

Salad
How long is your hair?
About down to my bra strap, and longer if you straighten out all the waves and curli-cues.

Main Course
When was the last time you forgave someone, and who was it?
I forgave Mr. Jackson last night after we got into one of our rare pull-out-all the stops, stupid arguments. I hope he forgave me, too! He's called me from work three times today just to say hi, so I think I'm off the hook.

Dessert
What is your favorite kitchen appliance?
Oo, I love my flat topped stove! So much easier to clean than the old kind.

Thursday's Thirteen

2007-06-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

While my teens were gone to camp last week, I had time to reflect on how my life had changed since they entered a new phase of life. And so, here are...

THIRTEEN SIGNS YOU HAVE TEENAGERS IN THE HOUSE

1. There are thirty~seven messages in your voice mail and only one of them is for you.

2. The words "Mom can I borrow some money?" actually mean, "Mom, can I HAVE some money which you will never see again in this lifetime?"

3. You wash a dozen towels one day only to find them heaped in a damp, mildewy mess on the bathroom floor the next morning. This is especially true if you have teenaged girls, who think they have to use one towel for their bodies, one for their hair, and another to lay on the floor as a rug.

Note: Your requests that the aforementioned problem could be remedied by hanging the towels up are met with the same expressions of disgust you would receive had you asked them to wear someone else's dirty underwear.

4. You suddenly find out your father was right: Money doesn't grow on trees, you don't own the electric company, and an idle mind really is the devil's workshop.

5. If you get within ten feet of your teen's phone conversations, you are treated as if you have committed a privacy offense of Watergate proportions. However, if you are having a private conversation, your teenager's eavesdropping is "No big deal."

6. The bathroom cabinet is so cluttered with toiletries and makeup that you could supply the cast of a Broadway musical with makeup for a month, and yet...

7. ...the toilet paper roller is always empty. It's truly amazing that they can't figure out how to work this simple device, considering that they can run circles around mom and dad while programming the cell phone or the computer.

8. The shower or bath is cluttered with countless bottles of shampoo and conditioner of varying types~all about one quarter full of product.

9. Your spawn nags for chips and popcorn to nosh on, but is the first to blame you when she puts on a couple of extra pounds, because she claims you don't provide "healthy choices."

10. The whole family is constantly on the edge of being high due to fingernail polish and polish remover fumes.

11. You spend a bunch of money on clothing your teen wants because ten of her friends like it only to see it never worn again because one person sends what she perceives as a scathing look in her direction.

12. You drive them and their friends around so much you begin to feel like a chauffeur~except without the tips and the partition window you can roll up to shut out the noise and giggling.

13. Suddenly (and this one is a perk) when they come to your bedroom door and find it locked, they quickly retreat because they finally have an inkling of what might be going on in there~and they don't want to think about it!

Have a great Thursday!

A man I admire...

2007-06-19T14:14:00.001-07:00

Wordless Wednesday, June 20, 2007

This man is one of the most famous Cherokee (Tsa-La-Gi) who ever lived. Does anyone know why?

SE-QUO-YAH – a lithograph from Indian Tribes, McKinney and Hall, 1856. This lithograph is from the portrait painted by Charles Bird King from life in 1828.

Seems like yesterday...

2007-06-18T11:39:00.000-07:00

About twenty six years ago this week, I met my husband, Mr. Jackson for the first time. I was only twelve but he made quite an impression on me from the moment I met him. But it was an unexpected "bump" that set my little heart to crushing on Mr. J.

It was the middle of the week and we were at church camp. Our youth group was playing volleyball against another youth group. I wasn't a very good volleyball player~in fact, I wasn't good at any sport, period~but neither was most of the rest of our team. However, we were winning because Mr. Jackson WAS a good volleyball player and was pretty much hitting the ball all over the court for the rest of us losers.

Church camp volleyball rules are pretty loose, by the way.

Anyway, Mr. Jackson, who liked to win but who was very nice about it, had figured out that if a ball came my way, it wasn't going to make its way back over the net~and so had the other team, who of course, tried to hit to the weakest spot. We were nearing a win, but the ball was coming toward me. As I stood like a deer caught in the headlights, staring up at the volleyball that was catapulting toward me, suddenly Mr. Jackson shot over from clear across the court and whacked that ball right back over the net.

And knocked me right onto my ass.

For a moment, I lay there, stunned, looking up into the blue sky from which the ball had been screaming toward me only seconds before. Then I saw Mr. Jackson's face, his eyes as blue as the sky above him, as he bent over to see if I was all right.

"Omigosh, I am so sorry!" he said. "Are you okay?"

I nodded slowly.

He helped me up and brushed me off as everyone gathered around me to check for broken bones and sprains. He put my arm around his shoulders and helped me limp over to a safe spot on the sidelines. I wasn't really all that hurt, but I have to admit I milked the moment for all it was worth. When I was off my feet, he bent over me again. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded again and smiled at him. He flashed his straight white smile with the left cheek dimple and his eyes sparkled as he patted me on the leg before going off to lead our team to victory.

That was the first time Mr. Jackson took my breath away. But it wouldn't be the last.

Not by a long shot.

Friday's Feast the Seventh

2007-06-15T12:10:00.000-07:00

Appetizer
Fill in the blank: The best thing about where I live is how nice people are. They smile and open doors for you even if they don't know you. My sister, who lives in Houston Texas, often remarks on this when she comes to visit.
Also, I like that my state is shaped like a frying pan. When we say "panhandle" we mean it!

Soup
Create a new name for a deodorant (like “Flower Fresh” or “Shower Scent”).

Stink-be-gone or The Stinkorcist. After all, isn't that what deodorant is really all about?

Salad
What was the last piece of software you installed onto your computer?
Microsoft Office Suite 2007 for Windows Vista

Main Course
If you were to receive a superlative award today beginning with the words ”Most likely to…”, what would the rest of the phrase say?
Hmm, there are so many...
Most likely to forget her keys.
Most likely to forget where she put her keys.
Most likely to lose her keys in her own purse.
Most likely to lock herself out of the house.
Are you sensing a theme here?

Dessert
What two colors do you like to wear together?
I love to wear brown with any complementing color like red or blue.

Now that's what I call a plumber...

2007-06-13T11:33:00.000-07:00

Wordless Wednesday

The year I was born

2007-06-12T11:25:00.000-07:00

I saw this quiz over at Skittles, so I decided to see what my birth year brought to the world.

In 1968 (the year you were born)

Lyndon B. Johnson is president of the US

North Koreans seize USS Pueblo and 83 man crew in the Sea of Japan

Communist troops attack Saigon and 30 province capitals in the "Tet Offensive"

Martin Luther King is assassinated in Memphis, TN

Senator Robert F. Kennedy is shot in California after celebrating presidential primary victories

American troops destroy a town in South Vietnam in the "My Lai Massacre"

Peggy Fleming wins Olympics figure skating gold medal

The United States Congress repeals the requirement for a gold reserve to back US currency

Student protesters at Columbia University in New York City take over administration buildings and shut down the university

LL Cool J, Lisa Marie Presley, Jeri Ryan, Lucy Lawless, Celine Dion, Traci Lords, Tony Hawk, Kylie Minogue, and Sammy Sosa are born

Detroit Tigers win the World Series

Green Bay Packers win Superbowl II

Montreal Canadians win the Stanley Cup

2001: A Space Odyssey and Planet of the Apes are the top grossing movies

The rock musical Hair opens on Broadway

The Beatles' White Album and Simon and Garfunkel's Bookends are released

Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, debuts on NBC

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

Geez, two major figures were assasinated that year! Maybe I should have held on in the womb for about another month and made it to 1969. But my momma probably wouldn't have been too wild about that idea!

Friday's Feast the Sixth

2007-06-08T04:14:00.000-07:00

Appetizer
What do you consider to be the ultimate snack food?
Peanut butter sandwiches...YUM!

Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 as highest), about how popular is your last name?
I'd say Jackson is probably one of the more common names. And there is a song written about "Mz. Jackson," so I would say 9.
"Sorry, Mz. Jackson, I am for reeealll..."

Salad
Who is your all-time favorite sitcom character, and why?

My all time favorite sitcom character would have to be Barney Fife from the Andy Griffith Show. Here are just a few favorite moments:
Barney only getting one bullet for his gun, which he must keep in his pocket lest he shoot himself in the foot.
Barney dressing in drag as an old lady so he can catch a jewel thief and actually believing that he could convince someone his ugly ass is a woman.
Barney accidentally getting drunk because Otis spiked the water jug.
Barney dressing up in a wedding dress as a decoy to fool Ernest T. Bass, who thinks he is his beloved "Charlene."

Main Course
Do you shop online? If so, name some sites you like to browse for goodies.
I don't often shop online, but when I do, I generally go to Chadwicks of Boston. I have checked out Zappos.com as well, but have never purchased anything there yet.

Dessert
Fill in the blank: I think ___________ should be ___________.
I think my bank account should be full of money.

Thursday's Thirteen 06/07/07

2007-06-07T11:38:00.001-07:00

Thirteen Things I will do when I win the Powerball Lottery Jackpot:

And yes, you scoffers, I do believe I'm going to win it!

1. Keep my mouth shut and claim the money anonymously. This is going to be the hardest part, because I will probably want to dance in the streets and roll around naked in a huge pit of money fresh from the bank. But for my own safety and the safety of those around me, I'm going to ZIP IT, ZIP IT, ZIP IT!!

2. Move to a more secure location. Even though I plan to keep my mouth shut, people are bound to find out, so I want us to be in a new (bigger) place with a guard gate. A pool would be nice, also.

3. Set up a large portion in annuities so I can live off the income, rather than just going out and spending it on anything and everything my little ole heart desires. Mz. Jackson does have a practical side.

4. Set up another portion as a charitable trust for the causes I believe in. I've already got these picked out, so sorry Foundation for the Eradication of Toenail Fungus and other such ~ahem~ noble causes.

5. Set up trust funds for my children so they can have a decent start in life and complete whatever education they desire. I have no intention of telling my children how much I won though. Not that I don't trust my lovable spawn, but I have heard of the Menendez brothers. Mz. Jackson also has a suspicious side.

6. Pay off all outstanding debts. And DON'T CREATE MORE!!

7. Help my parents retire early. My dad has two more years and for his health, I really think he needs to retire now. When they retire early, I would like them to move down here so my mom can be closer to her family.

8. Move my sister Mz. Blue Eyes and her husband onto the farm we presently own (remember, we will have moved by then!). For reasons I won't go into, Mz. Blue Eyes needs a little extra care, so this would be ideal for her and for my parents.

9. Buy a brand new Toyota Tundra Extend Cab pickup for Mr. Jackson. Oklahoma Sooner Red.

10. Buy a brand new Nissan Titan Pickup (extended cab also) for me. Candy Apple Red. This country girl loves a pickup.

11. Finish my education at the University of Tulsa. I've always wanted to go here, but even with scholarships, it is too expensive.

12. Help relatives and friends in any way possible without letting everyone know we won the lottery. Again, Menendez brothers. I think I've been watching a few too many of those true crime stories...

13. Go on a nice long vacation with the family. Or maybe send them on a nice long vacation and stay home alone to take bubble baths and revel in the glory of my new found fortune.

What would all of you do if you won the lottery? I'd love to hear your "two cents."

If you want something badly enough...

2007-06-06T11:28:00.000-07:00

Wordless Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Tagged by Us Danes...

2007-06-02T14:18:00.001-07:00

And here's a tag I received earlier from Shaz at Us Danes...

Answer each question with just one word. (It's harder than it looks!)

1. Where is your cell phone? Purse
2. Relationship? Solid
3. Your hair? Coarse
4. Work? Always
5. Your sister? Baby
6. Your favorite thing? Chocolate
7. Your dream last night? Unremembered
8. Your favorite drink? Chai
9. Your dream car? Mustang
10. The room you’re in? Cluttered
11. Your shoes? Comfy
12. Your fears? Conquering
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Novelist
14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? Family
15. What you’re not good at? Waiting
16. Muffin? Blueberry
17. One of your wish list items? Jackpot
18. Where you grew up? United States
19. The last thing you did? Drove
20. What are you wearing? Shorts
21. What aren’t you wearing? headband
22. Your pet? Lady
23. Your computer? Stolen
24. Your life? Busy
25. Your mood? Anxious
26. Missing? Grandpa
27. What are you thinking about right now? Bills
28. Your car? Broken
29. Your kitchen? Spacious
30. Your summer? Hot
31. Your favorite color? Blue
32. When is the last time you laughed? Morning
33. Last time you cried? May
34. School? Unfinished
35. Love? Mr. Jackson (Okay, technically 2 words, but...)

I tag Rebecca and Comedy Plus for this one.

Tagged by Rebecca!

2007-06-02T09:00:00.001-07:00

I was tagged last week by Rebecca and as usual, I'm late! So here goes:

1 person who has changed the course of your life for the better:
There are so many! Family members, friends, my husband (especially my husband!)...But I would have to say in the last few years, my friend Rebecca has really helped me change my life for the better. Before we started hanging out, I was still that "preacher's kid," always afraid to say and write what I really meant for fear of offending someone. Rebecca has helped me to come out of my shell and to write the things I really always wanted.

2 teachers who have contributed to your learning:
Mrs. Belt, my eighth and ninth grade English teacher, who first encouraged me in my writing endeavors.
Mrs. Slate, my sophomore English teacher, who continued where Ms. Belt left off, even driving me to a big ceremony at the state capital when I placed in a statewide essay contest.

2 colleagues who make your job worthwhile:
Again, Rebecca, who I write with, definitely makes the top of the list.
Then I would say my friend, Vicky, who I will be seeing when I carry mail part-time. I've worked with her before and she is always so much fun, never trying to stir up trouble and always working hard while still having a good time.

4 people who make you feel special:
Mr. Jackson, when he tells me I'm beautiful
Her Royal Highness, Jock Genius and Sweet Baby when they call me Mommy, tell me they love me, and laugh at my jokes and smart ass remarks.

5 people you need in your life & why?
Mr. Jackson. I started going out with him when I was fifteen years old and I can't imagine life without him. He's always made me feel special and loved.

My parents: My parents are very loving and supportive and I couldn't get by without that. Plus my dad is as funny as hell.

My kids: They keep my wits sharpened and give me hope for the future.

My siblings: They keep me grounded and help me to laugh at myself.

Grandma Ruth and Grandma Hazel: How could I get along without these women? I don't like to think about it.

Rebecca: Everyone needs a good buddy like this one! I have laughed more with this person than just about anyone in my whole life.

I know this is a lot more than five, but I just can't narrow it down. If I keep sitting here, I'm going to think of even more people, so I'd better quit now!

I think everyone has been tagged on this one already, but just in case, I tag Skittles, Squirrel, and Fancy Pants.

Feather Crown

2007-05-30T12:49:00.000-07:00

Wordless Wednesday 5/30/07

S.O.B.'s and other Surprise Party Tales

2007-05-29T06:42:00.000-07:00

SURPRISE!!!

Not.

As many of you know, my daddy just celebrated his birthday about a week and a half ago (I posted a WW in honor of it). This weekend, we had a special surprise party for him at my home. And so I have some advice for all of you who might be entertaining such a notion yourselves for someone you love.

1. First, consider whether you live in a family full of big-mouthed people . By this, I mean people who would get kicked out of the priesthood or disbarred from the legal profession immediately due to the giant orifices with the flapping tongues in the fronts of their heads. Don't host a party with the word "surprise" in front of it if you have such a family. Just don't.

Not mentioning any names but here's Dad and the bean spiller (Aunt Deb) herself...

2. If the person for whom you are giving the party cannot stand not knowing what's going on and is like a bloodhound on the trail at the first hint of a secret, again, DON'T MAKE YOUR PARTY A SURPRISE ONE.

3. If the person for whom you are giving the party should happen to find out about said party (and he will) and you decide to keep his knowledge a secret so as not to ruin the experience for everyone else (especially those who have traveled hundreds of miles in one weekend just to be there), THINK AGAIN. The other parties will find out the truth at the last minute and BLAME IT ON YOU!!! even though you were not the one who squealed.

4. If those parties who found out at the last minute you kept the honoree's knowledge a secret should get mad at you and then abandon you in the kitchen to do all the work while they go off into the other room like the grand host and hostess and talk to the other guests (all the while talking about you behind your back) DO NOT CONTINUE TO SLAVE LIKE A MARTYR IN THE KITCHEN. Go right into the room with them, sit your ass in the chair, kick your feet up and say, "We'll eat when I get some help."

5. Do not allow your brother
(who used to pick on you mercilessly just to get a rise out of you as you were growing up) to bait you with accusations until you scream, "You sons of bitches!" no matter how much the parties mentioned in Point 4 deserve the title. They will only laugh at you later and your temper tantrum will go down in family lore.

Mz. Jackson, when she is not calling her brother and sister Sons of Bitches.

6. Do not blame your husband, your only remaining source of help, just because he's the one who blurted out that the honoree already knows about the party. He will get pissed, tell you off, retreat to the bedroom and watch baseball in an absolute state of rebellion.

7. Do not expect your honoree to be on time just because he knows about the party. Something will happen to delay him, and everyone will grow hungry and tired of rushing to the window each time the dogs bark at a passing car. Then the crowd will begin to plot mischief against the honoree, like disappearing before he gets there or flipping him off in unison when he emerges through the front door.

8. Always cook a lot of extra food, even more than you would normally imagine to need for a surprise party. When the honoree is late, the guests will grow so famished that when it finally is time to eat, they will load up their plates so fast the food will disappear and there won't be enough to go around.

9. And finally, always remember that it is not the surprise part that is important. What is important is that you honored a person you loved and are so glad to have in your life~even if they can be a royal snoopy shitass who enjoyed sniffing out the secret more than the surprise itself and then sat back and grinned like a Cheshire cat at the mayhem he caused. ~Mz. Jackson lets out a grand, sentimental sniff and wipes her eyes with her embroidered hanky~ I love you, Daddy!

Party on, people!

Note: A special thanks goes out to my little sister-in-law, Fancy Pants, who at least helped me make devilled eggs, even though she'd just driven hundreds of miles. She was NOT included in the SOB remark...

No surprise here!

2007-05-28T13:05:00.000-07:00

Mr. Jackson would tell you there's no surprise here!

I found this quiz over at Rebecca's and it was a lot of fun!

Your Seduction Style: The Charmer

You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.

You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.

By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.

And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

What Is Your Seduction Style?

And here are the results for Mr. Jackson: No surprise here either!

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires.

And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek.

You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships.

It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Friday's Feast the Fifth

2007-05-25T06:37:00.000-07:00

Appetizer
Name a sound you like to hear.
Vivaldi's "Winter"
Raindrops hitting a tin roof
Thunder in the distance.

Soup
What is your favorite kind of cheese?
Longhorn cheddar cheese. In fact, it's my favorite food in the whole world. A good piece of room temperature longhorn cheddar cheese, some apple slices and fresh warm bread right out of the oven is a feast to me!

Salad
Do you sleep late on Saturday mornings? Why or why not?
It's hard for me to sleep late on Saturday (a)because I'm a morning person and (b)because I'm used to getting up early all week. 8 a.m. is sleeping in for me.

Main Course
When was the last time you forgot something? What was it, and how long did it take to remember it?
I forgot my bank card at a drive through teller, remembered it about thirty minutes later and then went back to find it was stolen. Yikes, bad thing to forget.

Dessert
Fill in the blank: I notice a man when he has dark hair and bright blue eyes.
By the way, Mr. Jackson has both these qualities.
I'm also very good at sensing when people are in a bad mood or having a hard day.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Thursday's Thirteen 05/24/07

2007-05-24T07:29:00.000-07:00

It's a rainy day here in Nuda, Oklahoma, a perfect day to curl up in a big leather recliner with a book. As you can see from my photo on the right there, I am often accused of having my nose in a book anyway, rainy day or no. So here are 13 of my favorite books:

1. Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
As a teenager, I read this book at least 20 times. I'm not kidding. My mother thought something was wrong with me. But I couldn't help it. Scarlett fascinated me with her high spirited ways.

2. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
To me, this is one of the greatest pieces of American literature ever written.

3. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
More of a novelette, but a powerful story nonetheless. "Tell me about the rabbits, George..."

4. As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
This book is morbid, but wow, what a challenge! If you love to read literature and try to puzzle the pieces together, this one is a winner.

5. True Grit by Charles Portis
Who could ever forget the indomitable Mattie Ross and her colorful hero, Rooster Cogburn?

6. Any Short Story Collection by O. Henry
I still laugh every time I read "Ransom of Red Chief" and cry every time I read "The Gift of the Magii"

7. The Green Mile by Stephen King
This book is so powerful, I couldn't put it down. Stephen King doesn't get enough credit for his literary works.

8. Delores Claiborne by Stephen King
Again, Stephen King gets not enough credit for being literary. This was one of the most masterfully crafted first person works I've ever read. I was captivated from the very first sentence and have read it several times.

9. Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt
It is very rare that someone can tell a tragic story and have you laughing just as often as you are crying. But Frank McCourt managed it.

10. The Nanny Diaries by Nicola Kraus and Emma McLaughlin
I think the reason I like this book so much is because it is such a true reflection on one segment of our culture. Like The Great Gatsby, it takes a closer look at class system divisions that still exist, whether we want to admit it or not.

11. A Painted House by John Grisham
With this book, Grisham departed from his usual fare of legal thrillers and produced what I consider to be a very literary work. Also as the child of a man who left the discouraging world of farming behind, I can identify with the book's main character.

12. Shannah by Kathleen Woodwiss
Okay, I admit it! Occasionally (and that is VERY occasionally) I will pick up a romance book. This is an oldie but goodie which I liked because of the strong and deeply flawed main character Shannah. There was a lot more to this story than romance and I pick a copy up every once in a while and read it again, just because I feel like it!

13. Rebecca by Daphne DuMaurier
I generally am not wild about English literature (although my daughter, Her Royal Highness loves it, as does my sister Mz. Opera) but this book is absolutely captivating.

There are many other books I love, but these are just some of my absolute favorites, all of which I have read several times. As you can see, I have very eclectic tastes. Feel free to share any of your own favorites in the comments.