random thoughts from a suburban mom

Random Friday - the Vacay Getaway Edition.

2009-07-10T10:27:00.000-07:00

So, yours truly, Submommy, got away with The Girls a few weeks ago, and oh do I have some goodies for you!

I went to Chicago & Milwaukee. Lovely places. Hot, sweaty, humid lovely places.

So, I now give you:

Random Friday, Mid-West Style.

1. Ma'am? Yes, you in the airline seat across from me? When you stand up to let your row-mate in, your very large backside is DIRECTLY in my face. OH! DON'T BEND OVER! PLEASE! GAH!

2. So, when you walk into your lovely hotel room and it smells like sewage....call the front desk. Immediately.

3. Bumpersticker Of The Week: As seen in Milwaukee. Gotta give them some props for this one, those sensible mid-westerners....."I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce."

4. And why on earth can I not find this stuff on the West Coast? Frozen Custard. Who knew? Well, me this West-coast centric girl. Although, it's probably a good thing, now that I think about it.

5. So this is my second trip to Chicago, and no offense to anyone out there - but I just don't think it's my kinda town. Stayed on The Magnificent Mile, and there were emergency vehicle sirens blaring every 1-2 minutes. I would lose my mind. Imagine living next door to the busiest fire station in America. Here comes another one: GAH!

6. Did you know that all along the freeways & highways in Illinois and Wisconsin are these very large dome-shaped structures full of SALT? I didn't have a clue what they were. My west-coastness is showing through again. I'll keep my rainy winters. I DRIVE to snow. I don't walk out my front door to it.

7. I learned that there is no helmet law in Wisconsin. That Harley Davidson lobby must have the Legislators by the BALLS.

8. I went to a Bon Jovi concert. Me. Bon Jovi. And I don't have anything else to say about that.

And I have two wonderful friends that I shared beer, fried cheese curds, Chicago-style pizza, frozen custard, and many many laughs. The majority of which were caught on our Flips video cameras. THAT NO ONE WILL EVER SEE.

Don't Walk Away

2009-07-02T13:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I tiptoe into GC's room at night and just watch her sleeping. She sleeps just exactly the same as she did when she was a few weeks old. The same expression on her face, breathing pattern, her arms up over her head, and the same sense of awe and wonder floods over me.

Then I remember that she's approaching seven: a second grader. It almost startles me. And then a different sense of wonder washes over me and I think, "when did that happen?" When she was a baby, I found myself wishing away the current stage of babydom because I thought the next one would be easier.

I can't believe I wished away moments of her precious childhood, even the difficult ones. So mixed in with the awe and wonder, is a sliver of shame and regret.

As I dropped her off this morning at an all-day big kid camp, where I know I don't enter even the corner of her mind, I watched her tall, ever-growing lanky form walking away from me and I realized - our children start walking away much sooner than we even notice. It's a bittersweet pain that starts as a little scratch, like when they take their first steps, and it grows ever larger as they walk further and further away.

I just know that I'm not ready for her to be out of my reach.

WayBack Wednesday

2009-07-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

Check out my bikini body:

I know that I'm completely upstaged by the rockin' cool 70's decor in the background, but check me out. I even have my hand on my hip.

That's the house I want to live in.

We got rid of the curtains before I was 5, I promise.

So, this was my permanent residence from 1971 until my parents sold the place in 1998. I say permanent residence because it was always my home. No matter where I went in the world, it was still home. From the delicate pink rose wallpaper that my Mom wisely advised me to get instead of the pink foil firecracker wallpaper I wanted in my room when I was five, to the ancient record player in the living room that I would dress up and dance to - always welcomed me with open doors. Hey - wallpaper and 33 rpm's were cool in '75.

We had a metal swing set in the backyard that creaked terribly. I got my first and only bee sting on that. I grabbed a teeter totter post and there was a sneaky little bee on it.

It has a daylight basement. I would bring my boyfriends home and we would go downstairs to ~~makeout~~ watch a movie on the BetaMax. Yes, BetaMax. And if you don't know what that is, you're too young to be reading this. :) My Mom would invent a load of laundry so she could come downstairs to the laundry room and check on us.

I live in my house now. But I really think that the house I grew up in lives in me.

SubHub, the schemer and planner that he is, wanted to pop the question to me, and then go to my parents and tell them that we wanted to buy the house. Unfortunately for me, SubHub kept his Plans For Our Future to himself until it was too late. It's true what they say. Timing is everything. Ours sucked. We moved my parents out into their new house and I almost couldn't bear to see it empty. It hurt my heart a little.

I drive by regularly, as it isn't far, and I wonder - what does it look like now? Do the rooms still have wall paper? Did the new owners pull up the aged carpet and let the beautiful hardwood floors shine through? Does the basement still ~~flood~~ leak?

Do they have as many fantastic memories as I do growing up in that house? No offense to them, but I just don't see how that's possible.

The Year Of Food - an update. And it ain't pretty.

2009-06-29T22:22:00.000-07:00

I've cheated on you, friends.

In January I went on and on about trying to get reconnected with actual food. I'm happy to say that for the most part - I've done pretty well. Of course, there was the unfortunate chicken incident, but I've managed to get SubKids, along with SubHub and myself, to eat asparagus, red, yellow & orange peppers, salmon, turkey, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, pears, apples, whole wheat bread, different varieties of beans.....really. I've done well.

Until last week.

When I ate this:

And then I had Deep Fried Cheese Curds, Mozzarella Sticks, and some kind of french fries that discussed sour cream and chives. I couldn't bring myself to take a picture of that.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I went Here and had a cheese burger, more fries, onion rings, and something I'm still reeling over: Frozen Custard.

O.M.G.

Not to mention the Miller Genuine Draft. I drank MGD. Lots of it.

I'm so so sorry. I have no excuses, other than the fact that I was on vacation in the Mid-west, and this is the stuff they are famous for. So I threw all caution to the wind and ate.

And it was good.

I will say this, though: I felt, physically, crappy. As soon as I was able to, I had a salad.

I cleansed my food soul at the Altar of Lettuce.

Ahhh. I feel much better. Sort of.

Conversations with Boy Child

2009-06-08T21:51:00.001-07:00

I know, you've been missing these, huh?

So, the more chatty BC gets, the funnier he gets. He's a veritable font of mispronunciation. Of course, he's 2.5, so it's to be expected. It's still funny. To me anyway. and I'm the one that matters here, right? RIGHT?

So, here's a mini Boy Child Dictionary.

"Momma! I nee a blankblank." (I need a blanket)

Not to be confused with:

"Momma? A goin' a blank?" (Momma, are we going to the bank?)

And here's a fun conversation:

"Where are you honey?"

"I in a paywomb" (I'm in the playroom)

Paywomb. Yeah.

"Momma buy grass?"

WHAT? That one threw me.

He was saying, "Momma buy GAS."

Then there's the dictionary according to Boy Child:

Fert
Drunk
Beebug
Yoyo
Seebus
ervyoo

So, I'm taking guesses as to what you all I think those words are. Winner gets a hearty congratulations from yours truly, Submommy. I even gave you a hint on one of them.

Random Friday

2009-06-05T22:02:00.000-07:00

1. I experienced a monstrosity called a "Green Tea Latte" at Starbucks last week. Quite possibly the most heinous thing that you can imagine. Yew. I left it full on the sidewalk. Blech. Blech blech blech. You know it's bad if I waste STARBUCKS.

2. On the other hand, the Hand Shaken Passion Tea Lemonade is to die for. Starbucks, you're forgiven. I'll pretend that Green Tea Blech never happened.

3. Because Submommy is there for you: heart attack on a plate, anyone? - think twice about that bacon, people. *shudder*

4. Madam? Yes, you, driving down the road in your snazzy convertible? The top of your car is down. And that means that everyone you are driving by can see you picking your nose. Yep. E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E.

5. I think I may have discovered the real reason so many of today's children are gaining weight......all you have to do to understand is to get stuck behind a school bus when you have some place to be. It stops, almost literally, every ten feet. Would it kill them to walk a little extra? You know, so that I can get to my doctor's appointment on time? 'Cause I'm that self-centered?

6. Horrible Song of the Week: Good Morning Beautiful by Steve Holy. My trusty Imeem failed me on this one, so you'll have to imagine it.

From the moment I heard the first refrain, I felt sick to my stomach. Maybe it's just me, but if SubHub rolled over in the morning, all "up" and stinky morning breath, and said, "Good morning, beautiful, how was your night?" I'd LAUGH. And then I would try to get as far away as possible from the morning mouth.

Blech. This, folks, is cheesy, bad, ridiculous country love song.

7. Hey, random stranger at Target - please don't look at my son and say, "Hey Little Guy, all this shopping, you should get your mom to get you a treat."

HE UNDERSTANDS YOU, DIP WAD.

Coming to you live, from my brand-spankin' new laptop that SubHub can't loan out. It's like I got a limb miraculously reattached.

WayBack Wednesday

2009-05-27T21:22:00.001-07:00

Will be back next week.

I'll be telling you all the story of the house I should be living in right now.

Notice that I'm not living in it right now.

That's a problem for me.

Modern American Wife

2009-05-26T11:15:00.000-07:00

Is that who Kate Gosselin thinks she is?

In case you've been living in a hole for the last several weeks, Jon & Kate are at it again. Yes, another season of, Kate gets a spa day! Kate gets a brand new house! Kate gets a free tummy tuck! Kate gets to drag her kids all over the place for free and yell at them! Kate tries to pretend that Jon is not actually in the room!

But, I have to ask myself - why the appeal? What makes her so interesting to other women in this country? She's made a killing traveling all around the country speaking at CHURCHES, for pete's sake. Why?

So, what I see, is a tv show about a sour, nasty woman who apparently thought that she could berate her husband into being what she wanted him to be. How's that workin' for you Kate?

I can't help but wonder, though, if the reason why she has struck a chord with so many women in this country is because of the way she treats her husband. She has positioned herself as a strong, organized, knowledgeable woman who has it all together IN SPITE of the albatross of a man she has tagging along. Her campaign to publicly marginalize her husband to the role of man-servant has obviously resonated with so-called Modern Women. It's as if she's saying, "He's completely incompetent and clueless without me." And, the more popular she became, the worse it got. As though the ratings for the show, the free stuff, the speaking engagements, all reinforced her emasculating behavior toward him.

The way I see it, is that Kate married a man who, deep inside, she believed to be incompetent and clueless. Whether or not that's true, we aren't given the opportunity to see.

But, what does that say about her?

As much as it pains me to do so, I'm seeing eye-to-eye with Dr. Laura on this matter. What would happen if Kate, and women like her, treated their husbands with something resembling respect? Affection? Who's to say those incompetent clueless men wouldn't rise to the occasion and be the men those women want them to be? If you treat your husband like one of your children, how do you think he will begin to behave? Perhaps, maybe, like one of your children?

We rise or fall to the bar that our loved ones set for us. That we set for ourselves.

So, what do we see now? We see Jon basically rebelling, much like a child. 22 year old co-ed, anyone?

Speaking for myself - I didn't marry an idiot. If I had, what does that say about me? I will never treat my husband like a fool. Largely because, first and foremost, he's a human being, and I love him. Secondly, I think enough of myself that I wouldn't marry someone I thought was an idiot. Thirdly, I wouldn't have children with a man who I thought was an incompetent fool.

Ladies - our husbands don't need us to beat them down. They need us to raise them up. When a man is loved right, he will slay dragons for you. And personally, I appreciate a good dragon slaying once in awhile, because I can't, nor do I want, to slay them on my own.

And Submommy shed a little tear.....

2009-05-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

Of sheer, overwhelming happiness.

Adventures in Potty Training

2009-05-22T18:59:00.000-07:00

This seems to be a theme with me this week, huh?

The end of diapers is on the horizon for us. Boy Child is starting to show an interest in using the pooper like the rest of us. I approach this with some trepidation, because it went SO WELL with Girl Child. Not.

Like the time she insisted on sitting on her little potty chair for 45 minutes. I had to physically pull her off the toilet all the while getting kicked and screamed at.

Then there's the, "Wow, I can double click my mouse when I have big girl panties on! Sweet!" Which led to, "Hands out of your pants in music class, please." (cue broken record.......now.)

But the ultimate "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" (ON THE POTTY) (cue Jennifer Hudson or better yet, Jennifer Holliday) was at our very dear friend KR's house.

Now, up to this point, GC had been flighty about the whole potty thing. Sometimes trying, sometimes not trying, and we were staring hard at the beginning of preschool. Being rookies, we were clueless how to approach getting her to go consistently - or better yet - WANT to go consistently.

Nothing has changed on that front. We're still clueless.

We told her that they didn't make Pull-Ups for big three year olds (LIE!) so we had to save them for night time. We bought her Dora panties by the bag full. Still went in her pants.

So, on lovely warm summer Saturday, we're having a lovely backyard barbecue at KR's house. We brought an extra pair of Dora panties and a change of clothes. We're there for approximately five minutes, and.....cue accident number 1. Soaked.

We change her clothes, all is well, I'm three sips into my first glass of wine, and.....cue accident number 2. Literally and figuratively. Now we have to run home and get panty number 3. We decided that the soiled Dora panties were lost to the cause. We told her, "Dora doesn't want to get peed and pooped on, honey."

Now, lest you think it's not humanly possible to have THREE accidents in the course of an hour - let me assure you - it is.

Only this time she waited a little. Faked us out. This time she waited until we were eating, then walked up to the swing set, turned her back to us, stuck out her backside, and let 'er go. #1 AND #2. Honest - it was like a performance. All we could do was sit there in horror and watch. It was like the most bizarre dinner theatre ever.

And Potty Training Round 745 goes to......Girl Child.

Went home AGAIN. Tossed out Dora panties AGAIN. Brought yet ANOTHER change of clothes. And what came with us this time?

A Pull-up.

This little Blog Blast Adventure in Potty Training has been brought to you by......

The Pull-ups Potty Project, because here's hoping that this time we'll get it right.

And by right you know I mean making our carbon footprint a little smaller and sparing the wear and tear on our car by bringing a minimum of four clothing changes with us anywhere, right?

And...

Parent Bloggers Network. Love them.

Everybody Poops

2009-05-18T21:11:00.001-07:00

I've discovered a sure-fire way to get everyone in my house, um, you know, REGULAR.

Yes, my friends.....beans beans truly ARE the musical fruit. Possibly the magical poop fruit, too.

Thanks to The Crockpot Lady, I have now converted my entire family to this fun little bit of deliciousness called Taco Soup

I stretch all of my culinary skills to brown some ground turkey and open up a whole bunch of cans. Oh, and two envelopes of seasoning. Phew. And....I'm spent.

Boy Child likes it so much that when I went to his room this morning to get him out of bed (still in a crib. THANK GOD.) he said, "Taco SOUP!"

Tomorrow is going to be Fun Diaper Day here in Casa de Sub.

However - this is a REALLY HEALTHY dinner that's super easy and you have copious amounts of leftovers for lunch. Not that SubHub would take it with him, because it may not fit in his perfect microwave bowl.

Give it a try. I mean it.

Random Friday

2009-05-15T00:25:00.000-07:00

1. So Mother's Day was last Sunday, and for you male ~~readers~~ reader, here's a hint for next year:

What NOT to get your wife:

~Spanx - because, you know, nothing says "Thanks for bearing my children" like Lycra.

~Clarisonic skin care system - because, you know, nothing says "thanks for bearing my children" like a zit/wrinkle zapper.

2. Dumb bumpersticker of the week: I'm curious about this one: My (insert ridiculous dog breed here) is smarter than your honor student."

I don't know about you, but I've been a parent for almost 7 years now, and I've yet to see my kids chase their own tails and lick their own butts. I'm just sayin'....

3. Because SubMommy is here for YOU: Ever want to search for a dead relative's grave? (No, I'm not being morbid. I'm talking genealogy research here) Find a Grave. My own grandparents are listed. Pretty cool.....

4. NEW WORD: Adopt it folks: Sheeple, noun, compound word - Sheep + People = sheeple. I don't think much else needs to be said here.

5.Favorite thing: my vacuum sealer. I'm the queen of freezer burn. I get these wild hairs and I buy in bulk and then I freeze it and a year or so later I think, "oh, yeah...." Worth the money, sheeple. (I used it in a sentence! Yay me!) Great for cheese, too.

6. What's grosser than gross?

GC and I take a special little girl's trip to Starbucks this week after school while BC was with the grandparents. I look over, and there's a dude without his shoes on, feet up on the fabric chair they have all set up, fingers IN BETWEEN HIS TOES, chatting it up with a girl. Picking on his toenails a little. Then he uses same hands to nibble on his little Starbucks treat. Feet back in between his toes, feet on the fabric chair.

Na-hasty. Nasty Nasty Nasty. If that doesn't make you want to invest in Lysol, I don't know what will.

7. So, BC and I are shopping our local Walgreen's and they have this utterly craptastic 70's soundtrack playing over their little music system. Laughable. Seriously. When was the last time you heard THIS little ditty?

Horrible song of the week: Carly Simon - That's The Way I've Always Heard It Should Be:

Thats The Way Ive Always Heard It Should Be - Carly Simon

Now, I love me some Carly. She's got some kick-ass stuff.

This - not so kick ass. Annoying.

It's been awhile, my people. All, you know, three of you. SubHub was gone this week and single parenting it makes for little blog time. Stick with me - I've been writing down ideas.....

SubMommy's Annual "If I can do this, so can you" post.

2009-05-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

62% of American women are overweight.

SIXTY TWO.

I used to be one of them. The day I got married I weighed more than I ever have in my life. The problem was, I didn't feel like me. How many of us out there who are overweight somewhere along the scale stopped feeling like ourselves? Trapped in a body that didn't do what we want it to, look like we want it to, act like we want it to?

I discussed my moment of "no more" here

Now, your size, the number in your pants - doesn't matter. Really. It's an arbitrary number sewn into a label. In 1990, my number was 10. I'm the same size now as I was then, basically, and now my number is 6 or sometimes even 4.

I've often wished women's sizing was like men's - W ____ L ____. Done.

That way we aren't stuck feeling like we are what we wear.

But what DOES matter, is whether or not we can walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded. Whether or not we drive around a parking lot for 15 minutes looking for a spot in the front so we don't have to walk that far to the door. Whether or not we COULD run for our lives, OR OUR CHILDREN'S LIVES, if we had to.

Start by taking a walk.

And then leave stuff on your plate. You don't need it ALL. Really. I promise.

Done preaching.

In March I ran in the annual Portland Shamrock Run.

If I can run five miles - SO CAN YOU.

A little hiatus.

2009-05-04T16:21:00.000-07:00

Had to try to get my blogging mojo back. (BloJo? That sounds vaguely dirty, huh?)

So, SubHub loaned out the laptop to a friend in dire need of a laptop. And now I have no way to compute in my kitchen. I have Phantom Laptop Syndrome. My fingers are all tingly and I feel somewhat like I've lost a limb. According to SubHub, it will be coming home this week. I like to think of it as getting my laptop limb reattached.

Stay tuned for more goodies - like, "Mom! Demi Lovato! She's a ROCK STAR!"

Shoot me.

WayBack Wednesday - Or, Why I Never Became a Hairband Groupie

2009-04-22T11:28:00.000-07:00

I think this is a story better told in a picture Top 5....in the style of, "Where Are They Now?"

5. Gene Simmons -

Kiss. Picture him naked, swallow the bile, and I rest my case.

4. David Coverdale -

(Courtesy of Fanpix)

Cliche. I'm sure he got plenty 'o poon for the hair alone, but....yew.

3. Jani Lane - the lead singer of Warrant - who remembers the chart-topping, video chart topping *gem* "Cherry Pie?"

Nice hat, dude.

2. Vince Neil -

Is it me, or does he look a little, um, puffy?

1. Bret Michaels - Whom you may have caught recently on a wholesome little show called "Rock of Love Bus."

How was the long bus ride to skank town, dude?

I want a Man Cold.

2009-04-18T23:08:00.001-07:00

Ever notice that when you're The Mom, you're the last one to get sick with whatever nasty germs are going around, and then when you do finally get sick, you don't have the luxury of sitting around with a Man Cold?

This whole last week I've felt like my head was going to explode. Boom Boom Boom...... And now the snot has begun. Just sitting up there in my sinuses being annoying.

And yet, the world goes on. I still had to drag my ass out of bed, get Girl Child out of bed, fed, etc. ready for school, get Boy Child up and at 'em, change his diaper, etc. Then I have to feed them, take them places, clean up, cook stuff, keep food in the house, make sure everyone had clean underwear, etc. Oh, and then I had to call around all over the place trying to find someone who could cover my shifts at work.

I want a Man Cold. Mom Colds suck.

The Dance of the Avoidance Fairies

2009-04-13T07:29:00.000-07:00

Picture bedtime in SubLand. Girl Child is the last one of the SubChildren to go down. Here's SubMommy walking out the door:

GC: "Mommy? Um......"

SM: Yes, honey?

GC: Um.....

SM: Honey, if you have to think that long about what you might need from me right now, you don't need it.

GC: But.....um.....

SM: Honey, it's time for bed.

GC: Mommy I NEED something.

SM: What do you need, honey?

GC: Um....

SM: GOODNIGHT! LOVE YOU! 'NIGHT!

AAAHHHHH!

Sorry my people

2009-04-09T12:37:00.000-07:00

Don't have it in me this week. I'm collecting a few pearls for Random Friday, but I really don't have anything earth shattering (do I ever) or interesting or snarky to say.

I'm recharging my batteries, I guess.

Stay tuned....

Random Friday

2009-04-03T06:49:00.000-07:00

1. Am I the only one that finds this tragically humorous? Lighten up, friends. The password is: GAME Sports fans need heart checkups.

2. Speaking of sports....so, when you become a parent, you lose just a little bit of your sanity. You do. It's inevitable. However, there is a small percentage of people for whom parenting makes them lose ALL OF IT. I offer you Exhibit A: genetic testing for sports.

3. I crawled into bed on Sunday night and found a soup ladle in it. Which leads me to wonder what GC had in mind when she purposely got the ladle out, brought it into our bedroom, and left it on the bed. Correction - IN the bed.

4. So, SubHub and I are doing our nightly recap of the day earlier this week and this little tidbit made the news: Underwater television watching "world record". There's an underwater tv watching category?

5. Question - what would possess you to purchase a bumper sticker, and subsequently place it on your car, that says "Expensive Porn Star?" Question number two: if you ARE in fact an expensive porn star, why are you driving a mid-90's Pontiac Grand Am?

6. Forgotten Song of the Week: I was a HUGE Big Country fan back in the day. They were a great band and after their first album not much happened for them. The lead singer committed suicide in the 90's. But....this is NOT their "hit." This is, though, a great old song:

Look Away - Big Country

And that's what I got for y'all. (Y'all? Am I channeling my inner redneck again?)

We are now the proud owners of a hop garden

2009-03-31T10:25:00.000-07:00

SubHub, when he gets a wild hair, it's apparently quite itchy and he goes full throttle to scratch.

Just over three weeks ago, he approaches me and says "I want to grow my own hops for beer." (Homebrewing is one of his hobbies.)

I say, "Ok. Where?"

And the already-thought-out-plan unfolds before my eyes. Ears. Whatever.

This was on a Thursday.

On Saturday he had already purchased Rhizomes. He tromped all the way out to some place far away and got all muddy and came home with little baby hop plants.

He brought it up a few days later and said "My Dad is coming out this weekend to help me build some raised beds. I thought we could grow some vegetables, too."

Me: "Ok. What kind of vegetables?"

SH: "Maybe beans. Corn. Potatoes." Those of you who know SubHub know that this is HIS dream garden. Beer, beans, corn, potatoes. The only thing missing is a cow. NO - THERE WILL BE NO COWS IN MY YARD. If you want to read about cows in your yard, go here. She's much better at it.

So now, a mere three weeks later, we're basically growing our food.

I don't know what's come over us him. This whole "year of food" thing is making us a little C-R-A-Z-Y. But, I can't help but hope that this makes the kids, and us, understand a little bit more about how our food gets on our plate.

Let's see if this gets SubHub's itch scratched.

Check it out:

He has pretty good looking forearms, huh?

And our helper (BC was napping):

Random Friday

2009-03-24T22:33:00.000-07:00

1. Ok, so, is it a bad sign that I can't remember the last name of one of my ex-boyfriends?

2. Sir, waiting in the "Take Out Pickup" parking spot at Olive Garden, I can see you picking your nose. Yep, your finger, all the way up there - you don't have tinted windows - so you actually ARE in public picking your nose.

3. A random observation about the difference between men and women: Project vs. task. For women, taking out the garbage is a multi-stage process. You gather, take out, get a new can liner, and put it in the can. For men, you take it out. The end.

4. Things I love: Watching Boy Child learn how to "love" things. He gives hugs and kisses, his stuffed animals kiss and are "friends......" It fills my little heart with joy to know that we're setting an example like that for him.

5. Forgotten Song of the Week: See The Lights by Simple Minds. More than just the Breakfast Club "Don't You Forget About Me" band. This has a specific memory for me. Post-Chicago, which I will someday tell you all the aftermath, this song came out right around the time I started feeling human again. I remember driving my car, warm late-spring day, windows down, and I got the littlest tiniest hope.

See The Lights (2002 Digital Remaster) - Simple Minds

6. Submommy survived Spring Break relatively unscathed. Sure, there were screaming matches, stretches of "Mom, I'm bored," but I can honestly say that it was a successful week. Kids 4 + years apart has good points and bad. Mostly good. Finding things that keep them happy simultaneously - that's the bad part.

7. Why does this movie make me full-on weep Every.Single.Time? Everytime. It's a sappy movie that hits my cry button.

That's it, kids!

Spring Break in SubLand

2009-03-23T15:29:00.001-07:00

Here's what that means:

1) It's cold
2) It's rainy
3) I have to scrape up stuff to do for a week with both kids.
4) I have to try to keep Girl Child quiet during nap time. Like that's going to happen.
5) It's going to feel like forever.

The end.

P.S. I'm a weenie.

Random Friday

2009-03-21T09:03:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to another installment of...RANDOM FRIDAY!

1. I work Thursday nights, and frequently hit my local Red Robin for a salad (NO ONIONS!) and I pick up some "bad breath in a box" garlic fries for SubHub. This Thursday, it was weird all around. Guy next to me says, "How are you this evening?"

Fine. Go away. Don't hit on me at Red Robin's bar.

2. Server gets off work, and shot guns a beer. Only it was in a bottle. How, you ask? He took a bendy straw, folded the top part down, and apparently it had the same effect as the "punch a hole in the bottom of the can" thing.

I went to college. Why did I not know this?

3. And, on a semi-related note, do think it's bad that there is more one bar in town whose servers know my name?

4. Things I Hate: Raw onions. Evil little vegetable. Overpowering all that you touch. Giving everyone heinous breath.

5. Pet Peeve number 6,756: PUT A BIKE HELMET ON YOUR CHILD. For the love of pete, people.

6. Speaking of pet peeves, I've become increasingly annoyed with the whole Jon & Kate + 8 phenomenon. They've always annoyed me, but now rumors about them are surfacing. I just saw a trailer for their "Season Finale" with them saying they're in a "weird place".

NEWSFLASH: You've sold your marriage and your kids to TLC. You're in a "weird place?" How 'bout you pull the plug and try living a normal life? Try having your kids stop being trained TV monkeys? Quit emasculating your husband weekly on tv? "Kate gets a tummy tuck! Kate gets a spa day! Kate gets flown to Kleinfelds for dress number 2! Kate's a battle axe!"

Gah.

7. Horrible song of the week: Let's go wedding style this week:

Don't choose this song for your first dance, ok?

Endless Love - Luther Vandross & Mariah Care

SOOOOO cheezy. And that's cheezy with a 'z' on purpose. And I think I've established here on several occasions how much I can't stand Mariah Carey, right?

Happy Random Friday on Saturday, kids.

Conversations with Boy Child

2009-03-19T11:15:00.000-07:00

So, leaving the mall today, we stroller up to the car, and I pop open the trunk.

BC: w'sat? (What's that?)

SM: The trunk.

BC: Drunk? Mommy! Drunk!

Great. And are there other people in the parking lot? Of course there are.

"I wanna be (aow!) your Sledgehammer!"

2009-03-18T10:53:00.000-07:00

Welcome to another installment of Adventures In Food. So, it's not WayBack Wednesday. That song is. Does that count?

Now - food....

So last week, I got a wild hair and decided to try cooking a whole chicken, as opposed to buying pieces already cut off the bone and skinned for me.

It sat in my fridge taunting me until *right before* the expiration date.

I finally put my Big Girl Chef panties and got it prepared to eat.

So, I'm a little on the squeamish side, so I got some gloves before I totally violated the poor bird. So, I reach in and grab it's leftover insides. Except, I reached up the butt, and not down the neck. Yes, I'm that kitchen illiterate. Here I am trying to get my hand up there to get it's little gibblets or jibbitz or whatever they are - ORGANS - and I'm having a hell of a time. I'm not sure what came over me, but after totally mangling what I believe was the liver trying to pull it out of it's butt, an idea strikes me - 'What about the hole they left when they cut off it's head?' Duh.

Can I just say a few things here? One, how dang glad I am that I had gloves on, and two, chicken neck, even with gloves, is nasty.

So I got that part over with, and prepared to cook it. All went well on that front.

Get this yummy looking chicken on the table, and SubHub prepares to carve it.

And this look comes over him as he's carving the bird that says to me "I'm not feeling so good." I ask him what's wrong, and he says, "Let's just get this over with and eat."

He's got this ashen color to his face, but we proceed.

Flash forward a few minutes, and Girl Child is chowing on a chicken leg and she gets a little piece of tendon or something, and asks, "Daddy, what's this?"

SubHub turns to me, nearly gagging, and says "Um, you're going to have to deal with that."

So here's what we, SubFam, learned:

1) Buy the chicken with the gibberdidibbits already removed.
2) Learn which is the chicken's head hole and which is the ass hole before you jam your hand in either hole.
3) Don't let SubHub carve a chicken, and we can assume that this would extend to turkeys as well.

And the ringer:
4) That we are really far removed from the source of our food. Boneless, skinless chicken breasts were once attached to an actual CHICKEN.