Chrys' World

One Enchanted Evening Review

2008-07-24T09:28:00.000-05:00

From Simply Romance Reviews:
SRR GRADE: A-
Ivy Daniels is your ordinary woman. She fights with the copier at work and plants her gardens, going about her everyday life until she gets an invitation to a party. Not just any party...but one where she magically becomes her favorite fairytale figure, Beauty. She attends the party where every guest is dressed as their favorite character from story and nursery rhyme. She returns home, thinking it was all one big dream but suddenly she finds a gremlin in her copier and fairies in her garden.
Events progress until Ivy is taken back to that enchanted land and finds out all is not well in the land of fairy tales. Crystal Inman gives us the tale of a woman, who prophecy tells will save the land of fairy tales and does a beautiful job of incorporating all of my child hood favorites, from the Old Lady in the Shoe to Snow White. What struck me most about this book was that our heroine, Ivy Daniels was not just a woman who didn't realize how great she was but that she was also not physically perfect. Ivy's self depreciating attitude stems from her slightly rounded belly and not quite perfect hair. It was very refreshing to have a hidden beauty that was truly hidden. I turned page after page, finishing this book in under a day as I followed Ivy on her quest to find out who was destroying the land of dreams. She meets all manner of fairy tale creatures, both good and bad. Her uncertain relationship with the Prince Duncan, while frustrating to the man and at times the reader was true to life and her self image.
If you like fairy tales and long to believe in the world of magic then One Enchanted Evening is definitely the book for you.
~Reviewed by Tonie

I had the best time EVAH!!!

2008-07-23T19:01:00.004-05:00

Oh yes. It's true. Took off for Iowa and had one of the best times of my life. And most certainly the best time in recent memory.
The drive was around twelve hours with numerous bathroom breaks and whatnot. Left at 5:00 am Thursday morning. I am sooooooooooooo not a morning person. Arrived around 5:30 pm that evening. It really wasn't that bad.
Arrived at the hotel. Said hello to K. *grins*
Unloaded the mega van. And thank God it IS a van. Because I swear to one and all that all our stuff would NOT have fit in something smaller.
O
M
G
So not kidding about this one.
We settle in. Grab some pizza. Chill out. The girls go and swim. And did I mention that the hotel had an indoor pool? Oh yeah. Baby chicken was all about the water.
K and I caught up. It was absolutely lovely.
Then...as I'm mentally unfit to carry on any further conversation...I fall asleep. Further events from that night will not be discussed due to their delicate nature.
LMAO
Friday, we went to the zoo in Illinois. Watched "Journey to the Center of the Earth" in 3D glasses. I think we ate at Applebee's that night. Saturday was shopping and watching "Wanted." That movie is a little iffy, but the girls enjoyed it. Great action. I'm all about the HEA. And it sort of had one, but not really. Ya know? "Journey" was fantastic!!! The girls said a couple of times they actually had to take their glasses off. *snickering*
Yeah. It was THAT real.
Oh! And btw, the BIG theater here in town is an eight. You can have eight movies showing at once. The one we went to in Iowa had EIGHTEEN!!!
I look at the monster building and mutter...Holy crap. That is soon echoed by Oldest Chicken as she glances out her window and sees what I see. It's a HUGE building. All flashy and pretty inside.
Quite excellent.
And we go shopping. And it's a lot of fun, but holy criminey I am TIRED!!! But the chickens are eating it up. They get new clothes and school stuffs and all that.
Spoiled, I tell ya. Flat spoiled.
I'll try and post pictures sometime later. I don't have them on this computer.
But all in all...it was the best thing I've done in quite some time for myself and more than worth everything I did to get there.
Yep.
Already planning my next one.
Grins*

Who's going on vacation? Oh yeah!!! That would be me me me!!!

2008-07-16T17:56:00.003-05:00

O
M
G

Will this summer ever end? Not bloody likely. *groan* We've been busier than hell at work. Nerves are frayed. People are just so damn tired, and we're so freakin' busy!
How long has it been since Crystal has been on a vacation?
Too
Damn
LONG!!!
So. Me and the chickens are headed up to the Northeast. I'm a tad bit freaked out (scared shitless) because I've been west but navigated in that general direction. *sigh* And I'm directionally impaired. *double sigh*
But I can't wait to get there!!! Going to be visiting and hanging out with a marvelous friend and kindred spirit.
Leaving early tomorrow morning and will be back on Sunday!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Um...never mind.
lmao
Grins*

DON'T EVER GET INVOLVED WITH CRICKET!!!

2008-07-16T17:20:00.004-05:00

MONEY GRUBBING
EVIL
FUCKSTICKS

That's all you hear here in Oklahoma. Cricket is coming. It's a new phone place. Half the price of its competitors. So I'm thinking...have to check that out. I drop in Saturday evening a little after five.
I don't need a phone, but I wanted to get the modem so that I could have broadband/high speed yada at my home in the sticks.
So I go in and pay $145 dollars. That was a $35 activation fee, a month of service, and something else. It escapes me.
For one...it took forever. And no. I'm not being facetious. There were two chicks there. One was busy talking to her friends on the phone while the other fumbled through my order and looked at my blankly. Frequently.
The chick with more experience told me that if I returned the modem in one day, that I could have a full refund. If I returned it in two-three days, I could have the $110 back but not the activation fee.
I'm well with that.
So I get the modem home. Pop the CD that came with it in my laptop. And all is well. Until I try to activate it.
It wouldn't activate.
I become frustrated. So I call Customer Service. My frustration level rises. I can't understand the girl I'm connected with. And then she keeps repeating this number to me so I can call it.
Let me just say...if you dial 1-800-Cricket and try to GET a customer service person...good fucking luck. Won't happen. It will tell you that it can't understand you and HANG UP ON YOU!!! I'm not kidding.
How poor of a customer service ethic IS THAT???
So I'm like...screw it. I'll take it back.
The store is closed Sunday. So I go back in Monday at lunch and explain that I couldn't get the modem to activate, and I want my full refund.
Um...yeah.
Apparently...I had to take it back THE SAME DAY to get the full refund.
I am not remotely amused.
I look at the girl (oh yeah...it's the same two dumbasses) and say...you told me one day. She said...I meant the same day.
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
OH! And I forgot to mention that they told me it would be a $40 flat fee. But when I got my paperwork, it was $40.55. One of the girls said...Cricket is a "green" company so there is a charge. NO ONE said that upfront!!! Not a damn word. But let's stick it to the customer for .55 under the guise of being "green."
Bastards.
So I look at the girl who has now reneged on her word and said, "You know. You do whatever it takes to make you feel better."
She quickly hands me my money and probably can't wait to see the back of me.
I will also mention that the woman in front of me was having problems because Cricket debited her account but still swore up and down they didn't.
Caveat emptor.
Yeah. No shit.

(Oh. Forgot to tell y'all that I reported them to the Better Business Bureau of Central Oklahoma.)

HA!

I've done tickled myself

2008-07-09T19:29:00.003-05:00

Ok.
You know it. I know it. I'm from Oklahoma. I talk like maple syrup being poured out of a bottle. I have friends who have flowers coming out of toilets on their porch. Yeah. I've seen rednecks. Hell, that's what most of the population IS here.
So as I was researching *cough**cough**surfing the web**cough*, I found something that was so hilarious that I had to share.
So.
I've decided to repost my last post in a specific style. One that I find truly damn funny.
Without further ado...my blog. Redneck style.
****
It's a twisted, twisted wo'ld, cuss it all t' tarnation. Fo'tunately fo' me, it's mine. Welcome.
ah write. ah write on account o' it sestains me. Empowers me. Frees me. ah's sarcastic on account o' it's fun, as enny fool kin plainly see.
O
M
G
ah LOVE th' Writer's Market.
An' guess whut??? Th' 2009 edishun is out! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide! *dancin'*
Oh, yeah. This hyar large book is one of mah favo'ite toys an' resources. An' it highly appeals t'mah office supply/stashunary fetish. *grins*
Eff'n yo' doesn't haf this book, an' yer a writer...GET IT! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide! So...um, dawgone it...ah have ev'rythin' colo'-coredinated wif post-it notes.
Etch page ah's interested in is post-ited on th' top of th' page an' then right on over then intry ah wish t'peruse agin.
I've already decided thet when ah finish Earth Goddess (Book Four of th' Elemental Guardian Series) thet ah will seek out an ajunt an'/o' publisher. An' th' book ah wish t'peddle is about ha'fway done. Git me!! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide! Other than mah Writer's Market fixashun, ah's ponnerin' mah vacashun. Oh yessuh. It's true. ah will be gone th' end of next week an' through th' weekend, cuss it all t' tarnation. How long has it been, yo' ax?
Too
Dawgone
Long
Oldess Possum is in Missouri right now wif Upward Boun'. She's splorin' cavahns an' a-gonna Silvah Dollar City. When she gits home, ah's havin' her backhoe her room, dawgone it.
'Nuff said, cuss it all t' tarnation.
Grins*
****
p.s. I've now officially adopted the saying "Fry mah hide!"
lmaooooooooooooooo

Go here: http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/ and PLAY!!!

Writer's Market

2008-07-07T13:09:00.004-05:00

O
M
G
I LOVE the Writer's Market. And guess what??? The 2009 edition is out!!! *dancing*
Oh, yeah.
This large book is one of my favorite toys and resources. And it highly appeals to my office supply/stationary fetish. *grins*
If you don't have this book, and you're a writer...GET IT!!!
So...um...I have everything color-coordinated with post-it notes. Each page I'm interested in is post-ited on the top of the page and then right over then entry I wish to peruse again.

I've already decided that when I finish Earth Goddess (Book Four of the Elemental Guardian Series) that I will seek out an agent and/or publisher. And the book I wish to peddle is about halfway done.
Go me!!!

Other than my Writer's Market fixation, I'm pondering my vacation.
Oh yes. It's true. I will be gone the end of next week and through the weekend. How long has it been, you ask?
Too
Damn
Long
Oldest Chicken is in Missouri right now with Upward Bound. She's exploring caverns and going to Silver Dollar City. When she gets home, I'm having her backhoe her room.
Enough said.
Grins*

Middle Chicken's Perspective

2008-07-01T12:42:00.004-05:00

I remember when we decided to move out into the country. Most of us were excited. Not Middle Chicken.
We arrive at the house and everyone scatters to explore. MC makes a circuit. She starts in the kitchen. Loops through all the bedrooms. This happens about seven times. Finally I stop her.
"What's wrong?"
MC: "Where's the phone?"
"There is no phone."
"WHAT? How am I supposed to call my friends???"
Needless to say, she was disgusted with the whole idea.
Fast forward a bit.
We were watching Dateline NBC or 20/20 or hell...ONE of those news shows. And they were talking about Amish kids.
MC and BC don't have a clue about the Amish. So I proceed to let them know that it's a very old-fashioned existence. They don't have electricity. They don't have music players. They ride in buggies.
MC looks at me very plainly disturbed and says, "Yeah. And they're DYING inside."
I had to laugh.
Must've sounded like the third level of hell to her.
She's always popping off something very clever and snarky. I'll take credit for some of that. But every once in awhile, she'll say something so hilarious, I fear that I will wet my pants.
Case in point: MC and BC were in the living room talking. Just chit-chatting. NOT fighting, thank God. Because that's the norm.
And out of the blue, MC looks at BC and says, "Your hair looks like the Mayor of Whoville."
O
M
G
This STILL cracks me up.
Never a dull moment, let me tell ya.
Grins*

Anonymity

2008-06-25T19:02:00.002-05:00

Wrote around six thousand words this last weekend. *smile*
Go me!

But what really weighs on my mind this evening is anonymity and the freedom it allows.
I like message boards. Really, I do. I like to pop my opinion out there and either support or negate what is already being said. And for message boards where I visit quite frequently, there is a sense of community.
I love it.
Now. I'm pretty sure we're all aware of my lack of shyness. *GRINS* I'm just saying. But, quite honestly, I don't surround myself with multitudes of people whom I hang out with on a day-to-day basis. Not at all, in fact. I'm very solitary. So I find myself seeking out at least a sense of community.
And since I don't have it in my every day life, I suppose I find it online.

I have a "username." Too much fun picking THAT bad boy out. And I have a profile where I fill in pertinent information. Then I post to my heart's content and find my "friends" online. And it fills the need. Not to mention, these people don't know me. I don't prevaricate on the boards. But it's not like these lovely individuals see me every day and can measure my posted words to my every day words.
There is a degree of freedom in that. In expressing myself without all the disapproval and shit that can go along with it.
I'm me. With all the fun that entails.
So. If you're bipping around and find a slightly snarky individual who loves chocolate with nuts, buttered pecan ice-cream, and has three maddening lovely teenage daughters...don't blow my cover.
Grins*

COME SEE ME!!!

2008-06-20T11:37:00.003-05:00

Monday, June 30, at 7 p.m. local author Crystal Inman will speak about the ins and outs of writing and publishing your own romance novel. Also, during her program titled, "Are You Ready for Romance?", the audience is invited to bring their used romance novels to exchange with other attendees.
****
This will be at the Shawnee Public Library. So come see me!!!
We will have too much fun.
*wink*
Grins*

****************************

My horoscopal truth for today:

Aquarius
You are still a little run-down, but you can tell that your energy levels are just about to spike. If you can wait for that to happen -- tomorrow, most likely -- you should be able to take on almost anything!

Amen, my lovelies. Amen.

The bra saga continues...

2008-06-19T14:53:00.002-05:00

...OMG!
I have this piece of wire sticking out from my left cup and gouging the bejeezus out of my chest.
This little piece of wire could seriously be a shank in the Barbie world. You know...Barbie goes to prison. She could fuck someone right up with this sharp little piece of metal.
Probably double her time. But what does Barbie care? She's a bad bitch. *grins*
Something must be done, I'm telling ya.
But every time I pull the damn underwire out, the bra loses a bit of its shape. Better that, I suppose, than me losing a bit (or more than a bit) of skin.
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Ok.
Pulled out the damn wire.
Girls are breathing easier.
Who invented the underwire bra, anyway? I am sooooooooooooo looking that up and sending bad, bad thoughts to him. Yeah. I'm pretty sure it was a "him."
Grins*

Radical

2008-06-19T12:37:00.003-05:00

rad·i·cal
Audio Help (rād'ĭ-kəl) Pronunciation Key adj.
Departing markedly from the usual or customary; extreme: radical opinions on education.
Favoring or effecting fundamental or revolutionary changes in current practices, conditions, or institutions
Slang Excellent; wonderful.

**********************************************
I'm wondering what I've done (or God knows-SAID) to have the Department of Justice looking at my blog and website. *grins*
I did get quite pissed off when one of the news websites critiqued Danielle Steele's latest and used the term "bodice ripper."
And yeah...I may have left a snarky message referring to the term. Sure. Right. *smile*
Free speech, right?
*muttering*
Department of Justice
What the bloody hell???
****
Also...there's a lovely person from Louth, Ireland that drops by my website on almost a daily basis. Drop me a line!!! I'd love to chit-chat. Then there's the usual "Crystal Inman playboy" search. *eye roll*
Kudos, however, to the individual that googled "Sexy Crystal Inman." You're on my Christmas Card list.

Back to the business of writing this weekend. Royally going to piss off the chickens but oh well. They want to go and do on the weekends. I want to rest and write. Hell of an issue when they get in a snit over it.
Working on Earth Goddess and WATS. Zipping right along there. Looking good. And I feel the urge.
Ahhhhh, gotta love that.
Read "Lover Enshrined" by Ward and "The Healer" by Sharon Sala. Enjoyed both. My only large drawback with LE is that Ward didn't let me revisit all my old favorites. I understand she's moving forward, but DAMN!!! I miss Butch and Vishous.
Seriously.
And, damn it, my underwire in my bra is going haywire. Shit, I have a piece of wire sticking my skin between the girls. *sigh*
Bras suck.
Grins*

Monday, Monday

2008-06-16T12:36:00.002-05:00

Let's see.
Had my last nicotine nail yesterday evening a bit after seven. And do I want one? Or six?
Sure, I do.
I would smoke three or four on the way to work. Two at break. Three at lunch. Two more at last break. Three or four on the way home. Plus at least half a dozen more that night. Usually more.
There's that.

Cleaned yesterday. Did my sheets and whatnot. Caught up on laundry. And did Tae-Bo.
Yep. Ya heard me. TAE-BO.
Let me tell ya, I haven't done tae-bo in years. But when I did, you could really tell. And me, being the all or nothing individual that I am, threw myself right in there. So my right hip is killing me!!! LOL
Sheesh.
Nice feeling of accomplishment going on yesterday.
Today?
Craving the nicotine and cursing the fact that it's Monday.
Higher hopes for tomorrow.
Grins*

Giving up the nicotine

2008-06-14T16:09:00.003-05:00

Oh yes. It's true.
You know...I started smoking about a year and a half ago. After the house fire. After the person I thought was the love of my life-screwed me over and then left. So, um, yeah. It was a great couple of months.
I turned to the nicotine. It was my crutch. And believe, I leaned on it aplenty.
And now I'm rather sick of it. And I'll be damned if I let something else rule me-so to speak.
Screw a large size bunch of that.
Opened up my last pack of cigarettes today.
So when I hop aboard the Bitchfest Central because my body is intensely craving that sorry shit, just bear with me.
I'm sure I'll get back to my lovely self soon enough.
Probably not soon enough for my children. But oh damn well.
Grins*

My head...the Final Frontier

2008-06-10T12:16:00.002-05:00

Caught just the last half of an old Star Trek episode the other day with Baby Chicken. She was fascinated. Just shows the good stuff lasts. No matter the three decade span. *grins*

Feeling a bit apathetic of late. Not too good, methinks. Seems like the economy and life in general just seem to sucketh.
Ok, parts. Not ALL of it. *smile*
But enthusiasm? Not. So. Much.

Oldest Chicken came home for the weekend from Upward Bound. And let me just tell ya...after she ran out of stories...she SLEPT for two days. Not to mention the thoughtless heifer had her bags packed and ready to go Saturday evening even though she didn't have to be back until Sunday after 6 pm.
Good thing I'm not prone to complexes, eh?

Work is damn busy. Summer always kicks our collective ass. So I struggle with getting up in the morning. Once again...no damn enthusiasm. *sigh*
They need to bottle that stuff.
Plus, I feel like I have to be the entertainment director for Baby Chicken. If I hear "I'm bored" one more freakin' time...I'm likely to put aside maternal feelings and say something decidedly unpleasant.
Middle Chicken is just getting along with her bad self. She's been banned (for now) from MySpace and Runescape for taking it upon herself to contact a certain boy on there. It's a bitch being the parent sometimes, isn't it???
Yeah. That's what I think.

Wrote a bit this last weekend. Earth Goddess will be finished by the end of August. It's not an uphill, in the snow, struggle like Wind Goddess. Thank the Lord for that one.
And I want to finish WATS and shove it off to an agent. After I coo and say a little prayer over it. LOL

That's about it from here. I'm sure I've forgotten something. Or several somethings.
Later blogs, my dears. Later blogs.
Grins*

This is what happens when you let your kids read your blog and take them to work with you. Sorry Boo. LMAO

2008-06-05T09:50:00.004-05:00

----- Our chat on Thu, 6/5/08 9:25 AM -----
Blair (9:07 AM): Mom?How do i post a comment on your blog?
Blair (9:07 AM): Hello?
Blair (9:08 AM): what am i doing on here?
Blair (9:08 AM): Am i Iming YOU???
Blair (9:08 AM): This is so kool!@
Blair (9:08 AM): It would be cooler if u talked back to me. u know.
Blair (9:09 AM):
Blair (9:09 AM): I'll be waiting
Blair (9:09 AM): ........
Blair (9:09 AM): MOM!!
Blair (9:10 AM): Check ur friggin email toothpick head!
Blair (9:11 AM): I'm leaving.
Blair (9:11 AM): GOD!
Blair (9:12 AM):
Blair (9:12 AM): I am a monster...
Blair (9:12 AM): i am going to get you...
Blair (9:13 AM): Sewie was so cute when he said that!!
Blair (9:13 AM): I mean stewie.
Blair (9:14 AM):
Blair (9:20 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): ,mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mo
Blair (9:24 AM): mo
Blair (9:24 AM): mo
Blair (9:24 AM): mo
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom
Blair (9:24 AM): 'mom
Blair (9:24 AM): mom]mmom
Blair (9:24 AM): ,mom
Blair (9:25 AM): mom
Blair (9:25 AM): JESUS!!
*************************************************************
Grins*

Wind Goddess Now Available!

2008-06-04T12:46:00.003-05:00

Sylvia Masters lives her life by numbers. She’s a wedding planner with an ambitious eye and a will to succeed. When Tristan Calhoun hires her to put together his sister’s wedding, sparks fly. He’s a man accustomed to giving orders and being blindly obeyed. Sylvia assures him that she’ll be the one giving orders and blindly obeying isn’t in the plan, either.
Tempest, the Wind Goddess, must guide Sylvia to a happy future to ascend to a higher level. But it’s a tall order when the Wind Goddess finds herself trying to help a woman who is as stubborn as she is.
Three powerful people. A couple who don’t know whether they want to kiss or kill each other. And a massive wedding to plan.
It’s going to take a goddess.
*******************************************************************

Obsession

2008-06-03T12:25:00.003-05:00

This is part of the OCD (Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder) cocktail.
And I gots it.
*grins*
I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be. Though my ex often called me "monkish" after Adrian Monk of USA station fame. You know...the character that boils his toothbrush and polishes the doorknobs.
I'm not nearly as frantic as I used to be about checking stats and whatnot. Though my website has increased its hits.
Hey! I didn't go cold turkey, either.

My obsessive traits include constantly checking the front door to see if its locked. (It is)
Checking my alarm clock to make sure the alarm is set for a certain time every morning. (I check four times. It's my magic number.)
The microwave MUST stop on an odd number. And I don't like to hear it ding.
If I get a word stuck in my head...God forbid. Then I have to say the word aloud. I suppose its like purging my gray matter.
All manner of oddities, I assure you.
Now.
I gotta know.
What are some of yours?
Grins*

What does my birthdate mean? Well, let me tell ya.

2008-05-30T11:20:00.000-05:00

Your Birthdate: February 18

You are a cohesive force - able to bring many people together for a common cause.

You tend to excel in work situations, but you also facilitate a lot of social gatherings too.

Beyond being a good leader, you are good at inspiring others.

You also keep your powerful emotions in check - you know when to emote and when to repress.

Your strength: Emotional maturity beyond your years

Your weakness: Wearing yourself down with too many responsibilities

Your power color: Crimson red

Your power symbol: Snowflake

Your power month: September

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

You want to nip/tuck where???

2008-05-29T12:33:00.002-05:00

Yeah, ok. I'll admit it. I've been checking out Foxnews.com and MSNBC.com. *sigh*
Should have known better.

And what do I see? A new kind of plastic surgery that I just NEED to blog about.
Apparently, there are ladies out there getting their goodies worked over. I'm not talking in the breastal area. Oh no. I'm talking nether region goodies.
I am horrified.
There is talk about the justification of having a tighter, more aesthetically pleasing goody area.
And to this I respond...are you freaking kidding me?

So I'm flipping through a magazine in the staff area, and what do I see?
A half page ad for clvri.com. I shit you not. The Central Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute.
We have an institute for this. Process that for a moment.
A client can have Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation. Or perhaps, Designer Laser Vaginoplasty.
And then...there's the G shot.
This is also known as G-spot amplification. Ok. Let's all think about this. You're getting a shot to enlarge this lovely little spot. Pretty soon, you'll be taping it down. But, just think, if you have a healthy sneeze, you'd probably be happy all day. *grins*

I don't personally check myself out. I realize that started back in the sixties. Women with mirrors examining every nook and cranny. Methinks my nooks and crannies are fine. And if they're not *shrug* go play with someone else's.
And what are these women gonna do?
"Gee. Take a little off the top. And maybe a bit on the right side."
Or are they going to bring in a Playboy and point with a smile. "Yeah. I'll have what she's having."
Sheesh. Seriously.
This is for women with more money than sense. Or women with partners who are constantly trying to fit their women into some specific pigeonhole.
Screw that.
And keep your laser away from my goodies.
Grins*

Randomness

2008-05-24T15:23:00.004-05:00

I. Am. Tired.

I, unfortunately, have to come into contact with a person everyday who has a stick up her ass. By God, if she's miserable, everybody else should be, too. *eye roll*
This, also, is really, really old.

Mowed the lawn yesterday. Bought "The Hollow" by Nora Roberts. Read it last night, too. Liked it better than the first. She had a great heroine in the first book. A great hero in the second. And the third has two strong characters that ought to spark ALL kinds of interesting conversations.

Thinking about a trip up to the Northeast this Summer. Plans in motion. Let ya know how it turns out. This is tied into a lovely relationship I'm in.

Hotter than hell here. So thick you could cut the air with a knife.

Writing tomorrow. Chilling out since I was a good girl *snicker* yesterday and did all my running around.
Monday finds me and the chickens at Mom's for a cookout and a little meeting with the new family pet.

I was going to go off on a tangent about something or other. More than likely the unfortunate irritating people that I sometimes come into contact with. But, ya know, they just don't deserve the space on my blog.

Reading "The Last Lecture." Only about three chapters in. And although I'm not a big fan of non-fiction, this reads like the author is talking to me. I love it.

Craving chocolate. Send mine with nuts.

All the good TV is gone for awhile. Have to dip into the summer fare, I suppose. Or I can just let the chickens play Sims.
O
M
G
There is honestly nothing funnier than watching them manage these virtual people. And it's rather telling. I get to see how they react to others, the stuff they like, and what they like to do. Interesting.
And then there's the Oldest Chicken singing the Hairspray soundtrack at the top of her lungs.
Never a dull moment at my house, let me assure you.
In fact, I can't remember the last time we even turned the TV on.
Hmmmm...imagine that.

I'm going to wrap it up. Rest my wee brain.
Have a great holiday weekend!!!
Grins*

For the love of all that's good...

2008-05-22T16:06:00.002-05:00

...I'll update everyone Saturday.
Because, brace yourself, it's gonna be a LONG one.
Grins*

8th Grade Promotion

2008-05-16T12:47:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was busy!!!
Got off work at noon and started the running around. Zipped to Cato's and bought a new shirt. Then Dollar Tree to pick up some decorations. Then Wal-Mart. Zipped home. Took a shower. Picked up the chickens. Raced back to town. Had Oldest Chicken's hair straightened.

It took an hour.

Her hair is so thick and curly that I honestly was climbing the walls because we didn't get out of there until five. STILL had to go to Wal-Mart for her clothes. THEN drive 25 minutes home.

So we hurry out of the hair place and to Wal-Mart. Probably the fastest shopping trip for me in awhile. THEN we got behind this freaking lady who had NO idea what the hell she was doing in the self-checkout. I was soooooooooooo not thinking charitable thoughts.

By this time, it's about twenty til six, and I still have a long drive. And OC was supposed to be there by 6:15. AND...we had to go by the house first and collect her gown and the rest of the family.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

So I'm driving down I-40.

Okay...I'm driving like a bat out of hell down I-40. Made it home in record time. Slammed the sodas in the fridge. Grabbed my camera. Shuffled off to school.

sheesh

It was SUCH a wonderful graduation!!! Oldest Chicken looked so good. And yeah, I gotta admit, there may have been a few tears when they called her name. *smile*

Then we went home and took so many pictures that OC said that there were dots everywhere.

lmao

Yeah, I got carried away.

*grins*

So I've got a fridge full of KFC. Freezer full of ice-cream. And a chicken headed off to high school.

Isn't it great???

Grins*

I had the weirdest dream...

2008-05-15T10:55:00.002-05:00

...about Angelina and Brad.

I think this stems from the fact that I read yesterday that Angelina is expecting twins. And how she "loves" to be pregnant.
I think she's a nut, anyway. This just confirms my suspicions. *grins*
Brad was born in the same city I was. I think maybe my wee brain made a connection there somewhere. Because for some reason, they came to visit me and the girls. And I think we were related or something.
They're all sneaking around and trying to not to be noticed.
And somehow, we were all great friends.
It was all rather odd.
No more MSNBC for me.
Grins*

RANT

2008-05-14T13:36:00.002-05:00

Yes
I've brewed long enough. Now I'll spew forth my opinion on several topics. Woe to those who don't like profanity. Pleasanter blogs to come later.
*******************************************************************
Don't judge me. Don't judge my actions because that's not the way you would have acted. Don't judge my grief because you don't approve. Don't you fucking dare look at me for an apology for emotions that are out of my control.
Don't manipulate every situation to suit yourself. Don't throw your hands in the fucking air, leave everything to me, then get pissed off because I took action. Screw you.
Just
damn
don't
****
Don't judge oldest chicken because of the clothes she wears. A man four times her age doesn't have the right to talk about her because it suits him. Shame on you. And aren't you old enough to know better? And by the way, the girls' school wants females to wear dresses at promotion. OC doesn't own a dress. I've fired off a letter this morning informing the principal she'll be wearing nice dress pants. Don't pull your authoritarian bullshit with me. It's gender bias, in my opinion.
****
How DARE you fucked-up people have children and lock them in the basement! Or train them to be a dominatrix at eleven! Or any of that other sick bullshit that the world almost didn't find out about.
There's a special place in hell for people like you.
****
How DARE you hike gas prices up when people are barely making it as it is. And then the government wants people to spend the stimulus money on luxuries? Luxuries right now are food and gas, you presidential jackass.
****
How dare you dress your child(ren) in rags while your hair is perfectly manicured and so are your fingernails. You're a pathetic excuse for a human being.
**************************************************************************
Ah.
I feel better.
*breathing deeply*
Nicer blog to come this evening.
Crystal*

Happy Mother's Day!!!

2008-05-09T13:23:00.002-05:00

I won't be online this weekend, so I'm sending this out to all those ladies out there with chickens of their own. And well, everybody. Because we didn't hatch now, did we? lmao
Here's a story from MSNBC. And I find it truly hilarious.
Hope you enjoy:
Postcards From Yo Momma is one of those Web sites that makes you slap your forehead and say, "Why didn't I think of that?" It's such a simple idea: invite people to submit unintentionally funny, and sometimes sweet, e-mails from their mothers. You know the ones--the naggy notes, the worried pleas, the guilt-grams, the ALL CAPS missives, the technologically panicked cries for help and the e-mails from moms who compulsively forward dire health warnings to their kids. (Munchausen's by Internet anyone?)
"Call me. I suffer," writes one mom.
And another: "tell me about face book. do you have a page on it? can anyone look at your page? I am worried about this type of thing."
Then there's the short, but direct variety: "std's are on the rise. love, mom."
Here are excerpts of some of our favorite e-mails and IMs submitted to the site:
***Have fun in Houston . Keep in touch with your strawberry
***good news!Our insurance covers : THE HPV VACCINATION.but, this is NOT a license to have wild, unprotected sex, y'know!! hehehhehehee.xox,mom
***Mom: hi kid. on the way to jumble java, i started crying. the kids are moving in to the dorms today and i saw a dad hugging his daughter goodbye and i lost it. that feeling never goes away.
:( mom
Me: don't be lame, mom
Mom: i hope i live long enough to see you experience the same feeling. and i'm not lame.
Me: well at the rate i'm going, i doubt you'll be around to see my kids go to college. even if i do have some, they'll have three heads because i won't have them until i'm 50.
Mom: well then it will be three times as hard to say goodbye.
***Dad and I deposited some money into your bank account since it looks like you blew your last paycheck at H&M.
***Dear Child:
Mummy has to go away on a boat that Daddy will be driving or floating or whatever one does with boats and what with sharks and stingrays and lord only knows what, and also with not being able to swim and with your father being the captain
I'm probably going to drown so I just wanted you to know that this is the sort of thing I go along with because I love daddy so much and I want him to think I'm a sporty, athletic, floatable kind of person instead of, you know, a middle aged lump of non-swimming-ness. Also I wanted to say that I always loved you best of all my children and you must fight for 80% of The Will (I'm taking your father down with me, if I go.... And name all your grandchildren Judith. Even the boys. If I had to put up with it they can too....
Much love
Mummy
***me: mother?
mom: Hey
Jenname: Look at you on Gmail!
mom: How did this happen?
me: How did what happen?
mom: How did you know I was on Gmail? and I didn't know it had IM.
me: I am something of a genius, mom.
***Hi Son, We already sent the response card to your uncle but try calling him or Amy and try asking if you could bring a friend to the wedding. You are about the same age and you played with her while you were kids.For your second question, we usually just let them figure it out. Just wear a appropriate outfit and I like your hair shorter like last time. Being gay i genetic, maybe Dad's side, and we will always love you and we are very proud of you. We are just glad that God gave us two wonderful children.
Love, Dad and Mom
***... We just got a Tivo in the living room. I like it, but I can't figure out how to work it. But Mo knows how, so hopefully she can just keep programming it til me and Dad are dead. Love you!
***... I heard on the radio that people can google themselves. I've done a lot of things to myself before, but I've never googled myself.
***I love you. I will pray for you. Be sure and take some kind of i.d. so if your plane crashes and burns they will know who to call. Hope you do that on all your trips anyway. That way if I don't get a dreadful call, I will know you are just fine and happy.
***This is the best article I have seen on the risks associated with oral sex and how to reduce them. I had never heard of a dental dam before. Please do read this. Love, Mom
***I was in the car listening to the radio, and who is this "shorty" they keep talking about in rap songs?
***me: hi mom
mom: hi pookie...i just booked tickets for zumanity. miss you
me: What is zumanity?mom: it is a very erotic show that explores sexuality. hopefully dad will enjoy it. Lol. it is at new york new york where we are staying
me: oh dear lord. does dad know about this?
mom: yeah....it explores gay stuff too. he he. he shold be ok...there are boobs in it too. zumanity.com
me: well i can't click on that right now because i'm at work
mom: oh...maybe later then
***Lazy boy,I was very surprised to hear your message last night. I already forgot I still have a son in Chicago.
***Lori (Greg's) is pregnant-by the way, she is 31. Also Michelle (Ted's) is expecting in August.
***Me: Do you read my blog? I can track who is reading it and I think you may be. Me no likey mother.
Mom: What's a blag?
Me: It is a sin to lie. Don't play coy with me!! Are you reading my "online journal"?
Mom: I barely have time to call you! I don't know how to do my space or whatever it is. You may recall that when I asked you about how it worked, you never showed me.
***If you are ever thinking about giving up your (beautiful custom handmade) dresser unit, (that Tom made for YOU), please let me know before you throw it out. I really do know that you and Charles are not into wood, and you'd like to get something new, sleek and chrome, silver, or whatever. I've discussed this with Tom. It won't hurt any body's feelings, at this point in time. I can't imagine that you would hold onto something as a keepsake. Please let me know. asap. It's really OK.
***paulhiitsyourmomtryingtolearnemailitsverycoldheretoday-degreesyesterdaywas38hopethisworkslovemom
*******************************************************
LMAO
Grins*