The Tea Makers

Next Sensation: Jailhouse Rock

2009-07-08T16:27:00.002-05:00

July 7, 2009, Courtroom 4 - 9, Toronto

Only ten minutes into the second day of sentencing hearings for Garth Drabinsky and his partner Myron Gottleib on their convictions for
1 - fraud over $1000
2 - fraud over $1000
3 - utter forged document
and we hear that Mr. Drabinsky appears on a CBC television show.

Eddie Greenspan may well be the best lawyer in the history of our country.
Everyone is in awe of him. Karlhienz Schrieber loves him.
He seems the most grounded person in the room, regardless of his ample girth.
He's wearing sandals in court today. The epitome of calm. (and as we already know, that's not good television.)
He's very smart and very thoughtful. (which does however make for good radio.)
At the moment, Eddie is explaining to an Ontario Court judge that in the course of production for a show called Triple Sensation (which comes off like a very trivial pursuit indeed in these circumstances), Mr. Drabinsky became aware that there were at least 34 schools for artistic talent that might benefit from a tour by him, lecturing and inspiring and telling the students "what happened to him".
It would be one way of compensating for the harm he has done, instead of sending him to prison.
You've got to love Eddie, and his careful choice of words.
Seven years after he was busted, and now conclusively convicted, Garth has yet to admit to his crimes.
At trial, the defense suggested that the books had been cooked entirely by the head accountant, a man with very little to gain from all that effort of false record keeping and money transfers that kept the lie going for a significant number of years.

Greenspan is one smooth ...
He has the Crown agreeing that the crimes were not motivated by greed, but rather with a view to keeping the company going.
Why, Your Honour, he was practically doing a public service.

It's several more minutes before Eddie clarifies that indeed when Garth tells the students what happened to him, he'll be sure (here it comes) to tell it "straight".
It's a subtle message to the judge, while Garth sits expressionless, refusing still to admit that he lied.
The defense has already thrown in Drabinsky's polio, (his extremely crippled walk which the judge probably never gets to see), as a reason not to sentence him to a chain gang.
Instead, consider letting him tour the country at his own expense.
The idea is so silly that even Eddie distances himself from it by saying it is not a "suggestion" coming from the defense, just one alternative.
They produced laudatory letters from dotty Martha Henry ("He's the real American hero: larger than life"), amply rewarded with royalties E.L. Doctorow ("I came to admire the man for his inexhaustible energy"), and that handsome fop Christopher Plummer ("I have known him to be steadfastly loyal and exceptionally generous"), each an eloquent and understated way of saying "the cheque cleared".

But the judge here is smart and alert.
She acknowledges and responds to everything in a clear and confident voice.
The question before her is simple, is it ok to lie, to falsify documents and cheat people out of hundreds of millions of dollars?

What do you think?

An entirely rhetorical question, like one you might hear in a play.
Still, Myron and Garth won't get the unavoidable answer until August 5th.

Tonight we welcome a new judge to our panel ...

The Tea Makers has moved

2009-07-07T20:24:00.000-05:00

To http://www.theteamakers.com/.

MAX(imum) HEAD ROOM

2009-07-02T19:02:00.002-05:00

He's funny, cheerful, confident.
He can read a teleprompter better than the average bear.

And it takes only four people to write every word that comes out of his mouth.

war is a force that gives The Current meaning

2009-06-30T17:05:00.001-05:00

It's 8:30 AM.
Time to get depressed.

After a pleasant local morning show that makes my immediate environment seem vibrant, creative and manageable, makes me feel like I'm a citizen and a participant in the affairs and running of my own community, it's time for ... WORLD AFFAIRS.
Gee, thanks CBC Radio One.
North Korea wants to blow me to smithereens and the "i" in CSIS stands for idiots.
Why was I even born?

And how many more minutes until Regis and Kelly?

Qmeshi

2009-06-30T11:32:00.003-05:00

Yes, it pains to admit it, but "Q" is ... yes, you want to grimace, you feel like you've lost a bet, you absolutely do not want to encourage them, but ... "Q" is, apart from the "classics" like Happens and Ideas and Enright and Ms. Rogers ... you pull your finger out of your throat and find you didn't actually throw up ... "Q" is the best show on radio or TV that the CBC is currently producing.
It's actually interesting. And topical.

And yes, it's not perfect.
The flaw is of course the host.
He's not a fake like Strombo, and he's not really a bad person.
But he is someone who likes to say his own name several times each program.
Several times too many. And it's indicative of the most annoying aspect of an otherwise very good radio show.
The host's questions seem longer than the answers. There's just too much of him.
Which is especially irritating because, as a culture celebrity he is so insignificant. (again, unlike Strombo)
He hints at being a complex and deeply insecure individual, traits that would otherwise catapult many other "artists" to stardom. But we sense he is hiding this real person under a giant mask of verbal dexterity. He wants desperately to impress us with his mind, as if being the de facto host of a national radio show (!) with the most fascinating guests and topics, is somehow ... just ... not ... good ... enough.
It's like he turned up for work as a hotel concierge dressed like a Musketeer.

Relax, man, you already have the job.
And it happens to be hosting the best show produced by the CBC today.

Evan Solomon Forever?

2009-06-28T18:53:00.007-05:00

Only in Canada, it seems, does a fundamental principle of broadcasting not apply.
Only in this country of a largely unmotivated population could a broadcaster get away with continually putting someone on the air that does not attract an audience. In fact, someone who actually repels an audience.

No show has ever succeeded with Evan Solomon on it.
But the CBC will not let go of him.
And Evan appears to think himself entitled to on-going employment, as if he had signed a lifetime contract.
Even a meaningless filler of a show on a Sunday TV time slot that has virtually no audience will still fail with Evan as the host.
And in another example of skewed judgement, the same broadcaster that will hold auditions and choose Barbara Budd to voice the great As It Happens, will take a guy who always sounds like his collar is too tight and so can barely get out a sentence, and deem him acceptable as the sole announcer/interviewer for the national radio show The Current.
And, come fall, this person will suddenly transform into a charming, genial game show host.
The next Fred Davis.
Someone, apparently, no, obviously, thinks that there's such a thing as finding the right show for Evan. That he's indispensable. That he will one day, as if by magic, suddenly attract an audience. That there is no one else in a country of 40 million people who is better suited to the task of being a presenter for a national broadcaster. Not at McGill, U of T, SFU, UBC or Carleton. Not anywhere.
But then someone also thinks that if the National Post just keeps doing what it does day after day that one year it will suddenly begin to make a profit.

The same magical thinking that has the CBC believing that anyone wants any more of Evan Solomon.
Ever again.

Can you sink the honour of the CBC any lower, Mr. Stursberg?

2009-06-22T18:54:00.002-05:00

Drabinsky's "success" was complete and utter fakery, yet the the print scribes won't denounce him. They easily forgive his swindling, of pocketbooks and minds, and call him talented. He even writes a book about himself, which despite his lame attempt at humility nevertheless reveals that anything he did that was worthwhile (rarely) was quite simply, a fluke. He just wanted to grow up and become important in some way, and the glamour and excitement of show business is a very good cover for ineptitude and a weak mind (Kiefer Sutherland, e.g.).
He had nothing to offer but bluff, yet over the course of the years that he was pretending to know what he was doing he gave out enough "favours" to the media leeches that they still feel beholding to this charlatan.
He's a convicted criminal, but the management of the CBC has no qualms about giving him a platform of legitimacy and respectability.
As if it were still yet to be conclusively proven that he is a bald-faced liar and a crook.

‘Variety Lives on CBC Radio’

2009-06-18T14:50:00.001-05:00

Another gem from the Canadian Design Resource.

(Typeface, incidentally, is Dynamo.)

KanKonKwiz™

2009-06-15T08:23:00.008-05:00

NOW WITH SOLUTION

For a fun diversion as we head into a long, hot summer of pogey, “blockbuster” Hollywood movies, and high-UV-index Saturdays pretending to give a shit about Toronto FC, take the Tea Makers’ fun new KanKonKwiz™!
(First in a series!)

Can you spot the distinctive, legal-mandate-conformant CBC Television series hidden in plain sight in this omnibus list of brand-new “Canadian” programming, compiled from press releases from CBC and Canada’s valued private broadcasters?

Ford Models Supermodel of the World Canada
Great Canadian Bio-Series
Ice Pilots NWT
Canada’s Super Speller
Pow-wow’s Playhouse
Innovators of Music
Leaders of Lieder
Bloodsport: Opera
Photo Xplorers
Star Portraits
Anna & Kristina’s Style Bag
The Cupcake Girls
Of Kiwis and Men
L’Oréal Paris Presents Spitting L’Image Canada
Re-Vamped
The Jane Show
How to Marry a Millionaire
Battle of the Blades
Over the Bolts
Junk Raiders
Johnny Knoxville’s Jackass: The Series Canada
Peak Season
Crash & Burn
The Half-Hour News Parody Hour
Angel on Campus
Baxter
The Republic of Doyle
Meet Phil Fitz
The Bougons
The Ron James Show
Eat Your Heart Out, Adrienne Clarkson
Stella and Sam
Justin Time
Sanctuary
Traders: The Musical
Bloodletting
All Families Are Psychotic
Homeroom Vampire
Love Among the Tar Sands
Fakers
Harlequin Presents The Kilting Bee: The Colin & Justin Story
Phantom
18 to Life
The Pillars of the Earth
The Foundation
Living in Your Car
My Other Car Is a Prius
Straighten Out Your Life with Mark Tewksbury
My Rona Home
The Basement Design Department
Holmes Inspection
Conviction Kitchen
Realtor vs. Realtor

Answers!

Well, I see nobody gave a shit.

The new CBC shows are Ron James, Battle of the Blades, Canada’s Super Speller, 18 to Life, and The Republic of Doyle (AKA “Not Charlie Jade”).

The list included a number of ringers I made up. You should have spotted at least one or two, but nobody would have gotten all of them. This theory will remain untested.

My Other Car Is a Prius
(as surely any Riverdale-semi-owning CBC manager’s wife’s must be)
L’Oréal Paris Presents Spitting L’Image Canada
(après Project Runway Canada avec Iman, le déluge?)
Leaders of Lieder
(ahhhts programming)
Bloodsport: Opera
(Repo: The Genetic Opera half-assedly cloned 1996–CITY-TV/Canadian style)
Straighten Out Your Life with Mark Tewkesbury
(who’s already doing Newsworld segments)
The Bougons
(from Les Bougon, one of those actually funny Radio-Canada series that tightassed, PC Fort Dork pretends doesn’t exist and isn’t worth remaking in English)
The Basement Design Department
(which got dismantled)
Love Among the Tar Sands
(AKA Son of Wild Roses)
How to Marry a Millionaire
(please: a gimme)
Eat Your Heart Out, Adrienne Clarkson
(hommage to Her Excellency the Sashimïst General)
Homeroom Vampire
(YTV-style tween comedy)
Traders: The Musical
(could it work?)
Of Kiwis and Men
(calque of Des kiwis et des hommes)
All Families Are Psychotic
(après jPod, le déluge?)
Harlequin Presents The Kilting Bee: The Colin & Justin Story
(they really are on book covers; plus they’re reputedly hung like horses)
Pow-wow’s Playhouse
(Cowboy Curtis’s aboriginal reconciliation)

Private-broadcaster secrets now easier to read than ever

2009-06-08T11:44:00.001-05:00

Canada’s new government held sessions with the Privates to talk funding and policy and basically dish! dish! dish! Your government then published transcripts with nearly every point of interest blacked out (“redacted”).

But now you can enjoy this government censorship of government documents on behalf of private for-profit broadcasters in superconvenient Web format.

CBC-related content?

Michel Arpin: If the CBC was to go out of advertising, including getting out of sports... [w]here will that money flow? Will it flow back to organizations like CTV and Canwest or will it go in the specialty sector or in print? [...]
Brian McCluskey: [...] You have really got two CBCs. One is the sports CBC, which is a high-profile player that commands a premium, and one is the other CBC, which is a discount station. So if CBC were to shut down their discount station, the first beneficiary would be the remaining discount conventional stations in the market. And right now there is a sufficient number of them they could easily absorb what the CBC turned away. From the sports standpoint, you would get some migration to sports on the specialties, depending on where those sports went. If they went to CTV, well, the money would migrate with it.

In adversity we shine

2009-06-01T13:16:00.001-05:00

-----------------------------
from: richard.stursberg@cbc.ca
May 28, 2009

It is often the case that in adversity we shine. And over the past several days, this has been the case.

This week, colleagues across the country have received the news that no one ever wants to hear--that their job will no longer be part of the organization. This is not a reflection on those who have come to work day in, day out, contributing to the country's largest cultural institution. It is a sign of the turbulent, unanticipated times in which we live.

But despite all of this, staff have reacted to the news of redundancies with professionalism and grace. And for those who have not been directly affected by this process, you have responded to your colleagues with sensitivity and compassion. These are highly prized values, values that are core to the CBC.

Unfortunately, the changes don't end this week. We'll continue to be unsettled for several months. But we're all in this together.

Take care.

Richard

-----------------------------
from: jennifer.mcguire@cbc.ca

Yesterday was a tough day for everyone at the CBC. Even though we minimized the number of people affected, many of our co-workers were told that their positions would no longer exist. They will be going through a joint management and union process where every effort will be made to place them in other positions. That may not be possible in every case but I know both sides at the table are committed to a process that respects the rights of the individuals affected.

I want to give everyone a sense of where we are at with the CBC News Renewal process. In our department, we undertook to reorganize our structure and reassign many employees so we could position ourselves better for the future. It is a massive change and coupled with yesterday's news, it is understandable that there is a high level of anxiety in many newsrooms.

On Monday afternoon, we will be revealing the new organizational structures for CBC News. At our last meeting we discussed how the new assignment HUB would work and how we would organize the programs in the future. Now we are ready to announce the key leadership and on air positions.

Following that announcement, starting on Tuesday, we will be meeting with every news employee one on one through the week to discuss new assignments. The reassignments are the next step in forming new teams to launch our renewed programming in the fall.

It is a stressful period but it is also an exciting time to be working at CBC News. Great new ideas are being traded. Wonderful opportunities are opening up and, in the end, we will be serving Canadians in new and better ways. And that's what it is all about.

Details about the Monday meetings will follow soon.

Jennifer

Cinema conundrum?

2009-05-28T12:52:00.001-05:00

If you work at Fort Dork, your tastes in private commercial broadcasting probably run more along the lines of CITY-TV. The old CITY, before it got ass-raped by cableco kleptocrats.

How is Rogers borking now? By ignoring its licence requirement to run a Canadian movie every week.

It’s not much of a ploy. Even with today’s compliant CRTC, so unfamiliar to those who cut their gums on yesterday’s compliant CRTC, I don’t see how Rogers is gonna squirm out of this one. They’ll be stuck with the requirement and will get slapped on the wrist for having ignored it.

The CITY CanCon ghetto was a good deal. I saw a lot of decent pictures. Contrary to what Rex Reed thinks, Canadian movies don’t all suck. Ginger Snaps, Waydowntown, Hard Core Logo, Goin’ Down the Road, Last Wedding. These are not bad movies. Seriously. (Now, Pontypool I didn’t like. But it was a great night out at the Fox.)

So why aren’t these movies also on CBC?

The whole late-movie slot is badly programmed. I remember a job posting for a movie programmer a couple of months ago; was it ever filled? Doesn’t look like it.

A lot of the time, the Friday-overnight (i.e., the before-you-go-to-bed-Thursday) movie slot is Canadian. Do you even watch those movies? I always check the program guide to see what’s coming up. (It doesn’t work in any reasonable way: You have to peer at each day’s program grid; there isn’t a permalink for each movie.)

Anyway, tonight’s movie is 20h17 rue Darling; last week’s was Ginger Snaps: The Beginning; next week’s is Once in a Blue Moon. Not fantastic.

This can’t cost a fortune. Why can’t CBC run way more Canadian movies, maybe twice a week? It’s already happening. Why not more, and better? Isn’t this an easy win?

The tweeting wounded

2009-05-28T12:38:00.012-05:00

What was there to be unsure about, luvmuffin? Yesterday was a rotten day.

What makes it worse is that when someone is classified as 'redundant,' it's not over yet. If they're in the union, they get a chance to bump someone out who's not in the union, or who has less seniority. Just as long as they can prove they're qualified for the job.

Know how to operate a telephone? There's a bright future for you in Audience Relations. That sort of thing.

It's that .5 of a job that is the kicker. Who wants the butt end of that job?

Thanks for the vote of support, MickiMaynard. By the way, we have you surrounded. You got any jobs in there?

Crap!

Oof!

Sacre bleu!

Ouch!

Ummmm...

Oh Pumpkins

2009-05-27T14:17:00.001-05:00

As I read the latest posts on “Inside CBC” --- I feel like an Aberdeen Angus that slipped out the back door of the slaughterhouse when no one was looking. I am free, ambling through green pastures, my mind is beginning to clear and I realize how close I came to being turned into hamburger. In the distance I hear shots being fired, one after the other. Bang, bang sounds are coming from the slaughterhouse. I am sad for the herd, but relieved I am free at last.

You know Pumpkins, what’s happening is really not your fault. It is the CBC management, that has proved to be about as flexible as a concrete block. There is a way out of this, but I am not sure they have what it takes—and subsequently none of you have what it takes to turn this thing around for CBC TV.

Here’s an escape for route you all.

Get out of local television. We are experiencing the great media shift. It means many things for the way all of us do our work, but for the CBC is means getting out of local TV. To survive in local TV the news programming (and that’s why it exists) must be intensely local in every aspect. It has to be daily and closely involved with the community and CBC local is not. It parachutes anchors and reporters and weather people in from anywhere but there. That means that the people doing the programming don’t have a deep connection to place where they work. They are just there temporarily. Successful stations put up home grown talent that the community is proud of and often have deep roots in local organizations, sports teams etc. CBC is just not in that game on a local level. They don’t even do weekend newsgathering in most cases.

Secondly, most markets are already served by CTV and Global and in some cases a third station – there is no need for a CBC local station.

Thirdly, CBC is competing with other stations for advertising dollars. No need for that either.

So, what’s to be done. Sell all the CBC local real estate (lets start with Regina) – and set up small newsgathering bureaus EVERYWHERE across the country – that feed into Newsworld ALL THE TIME. Use those resources to actually cover the country instead of leaving large swathes of territory that never SEE a CBC crew.

Make Newsworld a Powerhouse
And lets kill the National. It is over baby. It is boring, turgid, overproduced and out of date. Maybe Pete will take a package eh? Or you can give him a few hours on Newsworld. Bring the talent to Newsworld. That’s where the future is.

Now, what about all of you and your jobs. Well there is lots going on out there. You’re journalists remember – and skilled trades people. There is lots to do. You may not get $75K a year, but most people don’t. Or take a job in Brandon or London Ontario or Yarmouth. At least you’ll be writing stories about Canada instead of kevetching yourselves sick in Toronto and Vancouver.

Wedgie then and now

2009-05-26T12:21:00.003-05:00

The ever-changing moods of the imperious critic we just can’t get rid of, Robert Fulford.

Then: Intelligence anti-American

Low-life bad guys may shoot each other on the mean streets, but the really bad guys are sitting behind desks [and]we know precisely who those bad guys are: Americans. [...] It sounds like the darkest fantasy of a Canadian nationalist. Mary may be devious and greedy for power, but she’s still a patriot. She throws all her resources into the struggle against the American empire. [...]
[W]hen it comes to Washington’s power, [Chris Haddock is]addicted to the conventional wisdom of hysterical nationalism. On the question of water rights, for instance, he assumes we all agree that fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly and Americans gotta steal our water. It’s their nature.
In the old days, paranoid anti-Americanism at the CBC appeared mostly in news shows and documentaries. That was enough to infuriate some of us. But in recent seasons it’s seeped into drama as well. There’s no question that the CSIS heroes on Intelligence consider the Americans our most dangerous enemies. [...]
Conspiracy theorists will say that all this indicates a plot devised by latte-lapping leftists among the filmmakers in Toronto and Vancouver. Unlikely. Their motive is probably pure calculation. Their shows appeal to the anti-American mood that Liberal and NDP politicians, as well as a few editorialists and TV critics, have done their best to foment. They also, I imagine, attract nods of approval from grant-giving Ottawa bureaucrats who consider their product “relevant.” Our TV drama producers have learned at least one rule from American TV: Success begins with an appeal to prejudice.

Now: Intelligence almost “the most convincing drama ever produced in Canada”

Haddock's next series, Intelligence, about a B.C. marijuana magnate and his Byzantine connections with the forces of law, didn't go the distance from primitive to decadent. While at times it seemed the most convincing drama ever produced in Canada, it died quickly when viewers realized they needed almost scholarly concentration to follow the plot.

Vent

2009-05-25T07:32:00.001-05:00

According to the signals emanated, no doubt with a Cheneyesque lack of contrition, from the desk of Dick Stursberg, this is the week 180 CBC English employees will lose their jobs.

Not many of the Tea Makers writers work at the Corpse (use of second-person pronouns notwithstanding). The number isn’t zero, but we aren’t led by Alphonse Ouimet anymore.

I’m not going to pretend to understand the tribulations each and every one of those 180 people will face. This is one of those times when the floor needs to be opened even wider than it ever was. I want everyone to view this thread as a platform they can use to talk about the layoffs – any aspect, up to and including how the process went for you and what you want to do now. Or anything else.

You can stay anonymous or pseudonymous or use your real name, as you wish. Or you can write a full-fledged guest post, again under any authorship you choose. You can do whatever you want. The floor is yours.

Open Doors, Open Hearts

2009-05-24T06:19:00.003-05:00

Everyone was so nice.
A Love-In.
Much needed.
(click on images to enlarge)

A Little ... Weird

2009-05-22T19:20:00.003-05:00

The Floor Director for The Hour is pointing out the many fire exits to the studio audience, as he must before each taping.
But there's an extra addition to his comedic spiel (and The Hour's audience will laugh at almost anything).
There are two tables off to the side that hold a couple of LCD monitors, and chairs around the tables.
He explains that these will be occupied by the producer of the show, and the writers of the show. And that we may see George occasionally going over to confer with them during the course of the show.
Really?!?
This is new.

Don't recall ever seeing such an arrangement for a television show.
The producer has a desk IN the studio?
And the writers too?
That seems so odd.
Are we supposed to think that the show is being altered as it goes along? That is, other than the usual cuts and stretching that goes on when the clock is ticking.

But sure enough, there they are.
Two women as producers, and four guys as writers take their seats as the show starts. Their backs are to the audience. They stay focused on the screens in front of them. You would think they are actually working.

But you have to wonder, what purpose does this serve?
Isn't the show already written, and isn't what's going to happen here largely, even completely, predictable?
Are the writers being punished? Forced to "feel" the reaction of the audience to their jokes?
There's something odd about this.
Is this copied from other shows? Is this a new trend in live studio production?
Who came up with this idea?
Don't writers usually go home when the script is finished?
Are they there to help George if he gets in over his head (and isn't that every night)?

There's a girl at the end of table with her feet up on a chair, as well.
Nothing unusual. But one of the guys sitting with the writers starts to give her a two handed neck massage. And it goes on and on. All very friendly and apparently innocent, and the other guys just stare at the screens.
But this is a work environment and it seems odd that no one wants to tell them "hey, we may be casual here, but that's a little too casual".

In both instances you get the sense that even though it's all kind of weird, nobody is going to voice any objection or question what's happening.

It's the CBC.
You do whatever management says, keep your head down and mouth shut, and you'll do fine.
And if things begin to seem a bit strange, just pretend you didn't notice.

Did we get him wrong all along?

2009-05-17T12:25:00.002-05:00

According to a gushing Toronto Star staff writer, Jee-ahn Go-meshee is:

boyish
eclectic, cultural, skilled
heartfelt, cerebral
an ironic hipster
a single gadabout
prone to career reversals with Denise Donlon: “she’s his boss now”
“ambitious and passionate” (self-declared), but possibly over the hill (self-declared)

Two ways to televise a radio show

2009-05-13T12:09:00.002-05:00

Failed TV pilot for popular nerd podcast the Sound of Young America (q.v.; at iTunes):
(A pilot for whom? CurrentTV.)
Q (“TV”) with Jee-ahn Go-meshee:

Champion of this updated contest of filming a stageplay and calling it television? None: It’s a tie.

UPDATE (2009.05.21): Now teh Gays are doing it (the Proud FM to be simulcast on the OutTV).

How to turn a profit on Canadian programming

2009-05-12T12:53:00.003-05:00

Run 40 repeats on another channel.

The Usual Suspects of the CanCon lobby paid Nordicity to research and write a study (PDF) on the economics of TV programming. The study gives the appearance of marshalling a huge range of plausible assumptions to arrive at the preordained conclusion that Canadian programming can be profitable for broadcasters.

The study considers one-hour dramas, including Da Vinci’s Inquest, and half-hour comedies, including Red Green. (Seemingly all other cited shows come from the Privates.)

Assumptions

By far the most interesting assumptions are:

The Canadian Discount:
Canadian television programming is subject to an implied discount. Canadian broadcasters typically sell television advertising in packages that include a combination of different types of American and Canadian television programs.... [I]t is understood throughout the Canadian advertising industry that Canadian programming is subject to an implied discount of 15% to 25%.
The Schedule Adjustment Factor
addresses the fact that Canadian broadcasters have historically – although to a lesser extent in recent years – typically aired most Canadian prime‐time television programming on Friday or Saturday evening, or during the peak‐fringe period [of 5:00 to 8:00]....
On Saturday, audience levels were 60% to 73% lower than the Sunday‐to‐Thursday average. On an aggregate basis, therefore, we found that audience levels on Friday and Saturday were approximately 51% lower than the Sunday‐to‐Thursday average.... Friday or Saturday time slot reduced a program’s audience by 25%, on average.

40 airings for five grand (or 26 for one)

Our analysis shows that Canadian drama with an average audience of 700,000 between Sunday and Thursday is likely not profitable for a Canadian broadcasting group following the completion of the conventional broadcast window. After seven conventional airings, the Canadian drama generates a per‐episode deficit of $138,264 for the broadcasting group.

Assuming no dead-zone broadcast times, you need 16 specialty-channel airings to “generate a surplus of $5,416.” Include the dead zones and you need 40 airings on a specialty channel.
If we assume an generous average ten-episode run for a season and a gap of 100% between airings, to hit 40 reruns of all ten episodes on Showcase or whatever you need 800 weeks’ elapsed time. Do you really want to be watching reruns of Blue Murder in 2021? Do you think Asper fils is still gonna want to run that show then?
Is that too long a time? You could air reruns on more than one channel to cut down the timespan. I suppose it is possible to pull an April Fool’s Intelligence scenario and run a show on second through eighth windows. But anyway, today are we still watching episodes of Traders? Hot Shots? Straight Up? Urban Angel? Earth: Final Conflict?
You need 26 airings of a half-hour comedy to achieve a surplus of a measly $1,886. That’s five years of off-and-on repeats. Is Little Mosque gonna get any funnier in 2014?

The examples are kind of moot for the CBC anyway, as it lacks a harem of specialty channels onto which to dump reruns. (Does Bold really count?)

Canadian shows do not pay

That seems to be the honest conclusion. The only way to make them pay assumes an ecosystem of B-list rerun channels endlessly rehashing the same shows. Even then the return on investment barely pays for a single plane ticket in the business-class cabins that are the preferred domain of the broadcasting executive whose business was built on rebroadcasting American shows.

Hey you! Tech nuts!

2009-05-08T09:39:00.027-05:00

Who you calling tech nuts, Dianne Buckner?

Look, I don't have any time for the Facebook Phenomenon right now. I'm right in the middle of the Tweethole Meltdown. And I've a whole bag of tweets to get through before the Amazon buys twitter and teamakers and puts it all on the Big Kindle and behind the paywall.

There's not a second to spare, so let's get started.
Don't touch that dial! If you liked the Swine Flu, you're going to love The Border.

Who doesn't love them? And I think you'll find that they're normal people, just like you and me.

Well, maybe more like you than me.

Is it possible that Tod Maffin has missed an opportunity for cross-promotion somewhere? Download my podcastable eBook to find out!

I'm not sure I'm grasping the gist of your inference, homie.

See? Only part of that is in all caps.

If this is what a discussion on twitter about the future of journalism looks like, you can let me off right here plz.

Remind me to steer clear of the bathrooms near the Documentary Department today. Waaaaaaay clear.

Let me guess: because it sucks ass?

I couldn't agree more. Were pitchforks involved?

Me, I like to watch people weeping out of futility in my spare time. And you really want to warm the cockles, we'll call you down for the next lockout! Good times.

Just come home already, JD. You know you want to. I mean, really - CNN? Get real.

Actually, they call me all the time. I think they're just lonely, especially Ian Morrison. And he never shuts up! Always on and on with the American cultural takeover and the Harper agenda yadda yadda yadda... look, I'll subscribe to your video podcast of Ian Morrison speeches overlaid with photos of Ian Morrison and your Ian Morrison Facebook page and Ian Morrison newsletter if you'll just leave me in peace for 30 min to watch Wheel? Sheesh!

A fine gentleman like Jonathan Goldstein has no patience for the fripperies of twitter and the hackneyed phrasings of blogs, I assure you. If you wish to contact him he can be found every second Tuesday holding court around the fire, sipping sherry.

However, it might also be fruitful to consult the Google on these matters before broadcasting your query like an arse.

Who doesn't love pirates? Well, except from the people they rob, rape and kill? Otherwise, bring them on with this timely promotion!

No offence but I'm going to see how this works out before I submit my request for a transfer to CBC North. Call it a hunch.

Calm down lorynsmommy, and stop shouting. Teamakers has got you covered. Just go ahead and show what you have to, I'll answer the phone. And if Ian Morrison calls I'll pretend I'm not home.

‘I’m not here this afternoon to blackmail you’

2009-05-07T12:26:00.002-05:00

When not rewriting Tea Makers posts a couple of days after the fact, near-useless official CBC blog Inside the CBC can occasionally deign to cover real events, like Hubie’s appearance before the Standing Committee on Canadian Heritage on April 27. That blog gave us 343 words.

Meanwhile, I printed out and read all 56 pages of “evidence” (transcripts), published only yesterday, and can offer a highlight of what was said. You pretty much know already about anything not cited here. (All remarks from Hubie unless otherwise stated.)

Miscellaneous bons mots

Hubie: Selling assets to balance your budget, selling assets in fact to pay for your downsizing costs and your severance obligations, is not the best of management decisions, but we have no other choice.

Saving a few lost jobs

Ruby Dhalla: The minister had also stated in the House that even if the government had provided CBC with bridge financing there still would have been a substantial amount of job losses, to the effect of 800. If the government had provided CBC with bridge financing, would you be in the dire situation that you’ve described today and that we’ve heard about from CBC employees across the country? Would jobs have been lost or would bridge financing have helped to save the CBC?
Hubie: [T]his would have allowed us to gain time so that we could have made our voluntary retirement incentive plan perhaps a little more generous, and we could have used attrition, but unless permanent funding had been given to CBC/Radio-Canada, we would not have saved the 800 jobs. Bridge financing was about reducing the number of jobs impacted by this downturn.

Budget decrease in ‘constant dollars’

Hubie: The decrease is about $64 million, but that’s simply on the numbers that are presented. I’m not saying that we have seen our budget decrease by $64.8 million. The $60 million that we hope we will be receiving when we are in front of Treasury Board in a couple of days will make that number bigger by $60 million. We have a decrease of $2 million due to the non-renewable funding for the Canadian content online program – that’s a program that was not renewed – and we have a $2.8 million decrease to the budget 2007 expenditure review.
So what you’re looking at in fact is that if you include the renewal of the $60 million, in constant dollars we have about $400 million less than the corporation received in 1990. But in terms of basic appropriation, it has been stable since 1996-97.
— But the money is less.
— In terms of constant dollars.

Ad-free CBC

Hubie: Well, Mr. Angus, if the question is, “Lacroix, what kind of model would you present if you took advertising revenues out of the CBC? How many dollars would you need?,” the answer is pretty simple in terms of what amount of commercial revenues we need to balance our budget. The number is anywhere between $300 million and $325 million in 2009–10 in our budget.

Removing the Yukon transmitter

Larry Bagnell: The AM tower is about to be removed for radio in the Yukon. People depend on CBC there, unlike in other areas in the south. Because of the remoteness and the –50°, weather reports – for survival, for daily jobs – are really critical things in life. Staying in the regions would not be maintained if this tower were not replaced. The local manager is doing a great job, but he says he does not have the resources to replace that.
I hope you will take this under advisement. I know you probably can’t answer now, but hopefully we’ll have an ally in you to get this service extended. Those people outside the boundaries of FM really depend on it. They’re the most vulnerable.
Hubie: If your question is what will I do about this, I will take the question under advisement. I’m not aware of the details surrounding this tower.

Disproportionate effects of layoffs in the north

Charlie Angus: I want to follow up with what you said about regional losses. As you know, it’s a very serious issue in our region, and this is not being parochial. Our communities are absolutely dependent on CBC. If they don’t have CBC North service, they don’t have a voice, period. I hear the number 28%, and I’m doing the calculations across northern Canada, where we took a 50% hit in Sudbury, a 50% hit in Thunder Bay, 100% in northern Manitoba, 100% in Saskatchewan.
We don’t really get a feeling that those losses were balanced out, because when you take two jobs out of a market like that, you’re eliminating the afternoon show. When you eliminate the afternoon show, you’re eliminating the entire ability of a vast region the size of western Europe to have arts programming, to introduce northern writers, to bring voices to the region.

Let’s not give away any secrets here

Tim Uppal: [O]n April 17, a news release was sent out saying that local news will become a major priority for the CBC with the reorganization of the news department. In a variety of newspapers across the country, it was noted that the reorganization and focus towards local news has been under way for some time – for about two years – and is now being revved up because of the economic downturn.
I understand that the details were sketchy and that you have plans to elaborate more in the summer, but can you please give this committee some of the details you do have? It has been in the process for about two years, so can you give us the details you have?
Hubie: Sir, I’m sure you understand that I’m not going to describe here what we are going to do with respect to our programming and let our friends at CTV or at Canwest understand and prepare for the changes we’re going to make.

Why are there still job postings online?

Shelly Glover: I can’t help but note that on your Web site, sir, there are job postings, and yet we’re talking about layoffs. I’m wondering why these people were being laid off.... My question is, please tell us why we are looking for new jobs and new people when we’ve considered laying off people who have expertise and experience with your corporation.
Hubie: Well, I’m not aware of the postings you’re talking about. We have rules with respect to postings and how they get to be posted. There’s one thing that has to continue.

Average salaries: The new whipping boy

This one is just ridiculous. Averages are susceptible to outliers, and there’s always somebody who earns more than you, even if that somebody is a salt-of-the-earth blue-collar Tory (maybe a plumber). Nonetheless, committee members tried to squeeze blood from this stone.

Dean Del Mastro: Can you give me some idea what the average salary is at CBC? Do you know that number?
Hubie: No, I don’t offhand.
— Would it surprise you if access to information indicated it was around $76,000?
— No. Do you mean for an overall employee? I think $76,000, but on the television side it may be a bit higher – $84,000 to $85,000. Those are the numbers we work with, yes.
— Okay, that’s fine.
Obviously, as I’ve indicated, these are challenging times. Everybody laments job losses – everybody does. But the people in my riding, where the average household income is about $60,000, would probably look at that and ask, how much more in taxes can I pay? How much more do you want me to pay, when you’re already paying people more than my entire household makes?
Shelly Glover: I spent almost 19 years as a police officer. I’m quite shocked to hear today, for the first time, that the average wage or salary of a CBC employee surpasses by quite a bit the average amount that a police officer makes, a police officer who puts his or her life on the line every single day. To hear you say that it may be higher than $76,000, or maybe even more than $84,000 on average, when our men and women who are living the news make far less than that and the people simply reporting it are making far more on the taxpayers’ dollar, was quite a shock to me.
The other comment I wish to make, sir, is about the $4 million that you speak about when you talk about the bonuses. I assure you that police officers aren’t getting any bonuses for doing a good job, and I would hope that all Canadians expect, when we assist corporations, that all employees are expected to do a good job regardless of any kind of bonus.

Would you shut up about American game shows already?

Seriously, get over it. Now you want to sub in the co-host from What’s for Dinner?

Glover: I would suggest, sir, that we do have some very talented people, very talented Canadians, in fact. If I look at the Martha Stewart show, I would argue that Ken Kostick from my home province would do as good a job, and that Canadians would be engaged. They expect Canadian identity in much of this programming.

Does CBC have to broadcast in Punjabi now?

Apart from play-by-play on the occasional hockey game, at least?

Dhalla: The demographic across the country is obviously changing very rapidly. I look at my own riding in Brampton, and it’s one of the most multicultural and multilingual ridings in the country. What impact have the job losses and closures of some of the regional and local programming had on ethnic programming and ethnic communities in the country?
Hubie: Madam, your question is very precise in nature. I would have to follow it up with a better answer than the one I could give you today.

Running the same news on three competing channels

According to one member, that really happens.

Carole Lavallée: I would like to talk to you about the Abitibi region, which is a huge area with 150,000 inhabitants. It truly is a remote region.
CBC/Radio-Canada does not have deep roots there; actually, it’s not there at all. In Rouyn-Noranda, there is a funny, screwed-up arrangement – I can’t explain it in any other terms – according to which several journalists working at Radio Nord read the same news report at the end of the day, and it is written and read in the same order. At 5:00, we hear from TQS; 5:30, they change the set and it’s TVA; and at 6:00, it’s Radio-Canada. I’m sure you understand that the people of the Abitibi–Témiscamingue region find that this news report is not at all of the same calibre as the Radio-Canada news.

‘Search Engine’ unshackled

2009-05-06T15:57:00.002-05:00

In an interview with the Torontoist, Search Engine host Jesse Brown admits the show was inspired by copyleftists Cory Doctorow and Michael Geist.

At its new home on TVO.org, the podcast can now spread its wings free of CBC’s meddlesome rules on journalistic fairness and balance – the rules still tying the hands of Spark’s producers. Search Engine can now become what it always wanted to be, a platform for unfettered advocacy of exactly one vision of copyright reform. The Doctorow/Geist/Lessig axis has a new champion, and no way is a cabinet minister gonna hang up on them this time!

(Insult added to injury: The interview has yet another horrifically unflattering photograph of the tall, strapping host.)

JS&P to be updated at a future date to accommodate all this Googling

2009-05-06T15:23:00.003-05:00

Now you too can attend a pointless, long-ass strategy meeting, just like a real CBCer!

Esther Enkin throws open the doors to a public discussion on rewriting the Journalistic Standards and Practices to bring it up to date.

First on the agenda: comments. When should they be deleted?

If you ever wanted an example of "old media" struggling with programming the clock on the VCR while everyone else is timeshifting American Idol, this is it.

(Anyone want to bet how long it will be until someone in the comments mentions Hitler?)