Big Al's Comic Blog

Happy Thanksgiving and news

2006-11-21T16:48:00.000-05:00

Tap, tap, tap . . .Anyone out there?

So, yes, I've almost completely given up on the blogging. I am working from home, taking care of the baby . . . just not enough time. I guess I could find the time to blog, but I've sort of cut reading the comics out of my daily routine. I mean, I really, really dislike them, so why spend the time . . .

However, I couldn't let some momentous news from the News & Observer pass without comment. We are getting Pearls Before Swine!!! Hip, hip, hooray! Maybe I'll find time to read the funnies after all. We're also adding Frazz, and two others . . . I can't remember. My brain don't work so good as it used too.

Anyway, to make room, we are losing Cathy, Hagar the Horrible, Drabble, and The Boondocks. I hate Cathy, Hagar, and Drabble, love PBS, and love the fact that some other strips are getting a chance. I feel personally vindicated. I am also a Boondocks fan, and hate to see it go, but Aaron McGruder has been on an extended hiatus, so . . .

Charles Shultz has also been on an extended hiatus six feet under, but they continue to run Peanuts. Can't win them all, I guess.

Now I get to stay tuned for all the complaints about losing Hagar and Cathy! Can't wait!!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

But I Didn't Order Any Pizza

2006-10-06T19:57:00.000-04:00

But as I see it, it's really the ONLY possible excuse. What other excuse could there be? Well, OK, "I really like the middle" is another possible excuse, but it's really just the yin to "I don't like the crust's" yang.

And aren't they ancient Vikings? And they can have pizza delivered? Maybe it's not delivery -- maybe it's Digiorno's. Or maybe Helga actually made it -- she is wearing an apron, after all. But, then why did she put it in a box? These ancient Scandinavian cultures baffle me.

And here's some liberal propaganda courtesy of Beetle Bailey:

Then, where would Beetle and company be? That's right! In Camp Swampy, just where they've always been. These guys need to be sent to Iraq. The Army needs all the help it can get (although the Administration says it is doing fine, so maybe I've got it wrong). Anyway, I think the denizens of Camp Swampy could use some thinning out, and Iraq is the place to do it. Who wouldn't make it back? My money's on Zero. Just too dumb. Then again, Lt Fuzz doesn't seem to be brimming with street smarts.

It's Dick Tracy Day!

2006-10-04T12:27:00.000-04:00

In my paper, Shoe, Gil Thorp, and Beetle Bailey are all celebrating Dick's 75th Anniversary! Too bad we don't also get the Dick himself!

Apologies for the sporadic posting . . . the little one sleeps a lot less now that he's more alert and interested in the real world. He does get the comics read to him every day. He seems nonplussed. Good for him -- they really are nothing to get worked up about.

Misc.

2006-09-28T13:33:00.000-04:00

A friend sent me a link to something called the Marmaduke Project. Check it out, because it is most excellent. My favorite part is what the New Yorker would be like if Marmaduke appeared in every cartoon.

Speaking of Marmaduke, is it just me, or is there a hidden message to the American Association of Retired Persons in this strip?

It's a shout-out to the strip's most loyal readers, no doubt.

And, imagine my joy at yesterday's Gil Thorp:

A Gil Thorp character may attend my alma mater?? AWESOME. Just great. I can’t imagine anything I’d like better. Even the return of Brick House would pale in comparison (although I still really, really want Brick to show up again). Actually, I know what I'd like better: If Brick House would go to the Naval Academy! Not in real life -- he'd be eaten alive -- but in Gil Thorp world, it would be nirvana for me. Still, it will be cool if Stormy heads off to Annapolis.

Stormy? Brick? Love the names!

Looney Tunes in Kudzu

2006-09-25T11:35:00.000-04:00

It's been a long time coming, but the News & Observer has finally printed another letter to the editor re: the comics. My guess is that with The Boondocks on hiatus, the paper has gotten fewer letters complaining about the comics. So, yesterday's paper had this letter:

Malpracticing 'Kudzu'
I have enjoyed Doug Marlette's work for years, but am very disappointed in his Sept. 17 "Kudzu" comic. It appears to equate depression with an "addictive personality." While the the disease of depression can co-exist with addictive disease, most persons suffering with depression are not addicts. I consider this irresponsible on the part of Marlette and The N&O to misrepresent an illness that so many Americans battle every day of their lives, and further perpetuate the stigma of mental illness.
Mary Bracey, R.N.
Raleigh

I think it is important to point out that Ms. Bracey is not the one accusing Kudzu of malpractice. That's just the letters editor having a little exaggeration fun. But Ms. Bracey does say that it is “irresponsible” of the artist and the paper to print this mis-information about mental illness. Really? You’d have to be totally off your rocker to get your mental health information from the comics. I mean, you’d have to be a total lunatic. Oh, wait. . . maybe that’s her point!

OK, for all my liberalness and PC-ness, I can’t help poking fun at the mentally ill. Actually, no I can. They definitely deserve our consideration and shouldn’t automatically be lumped in with drug addicts, that’s for sure. But it doesn’t seem to me that this comic is equating depression with addictive personality. It seems to be making the joke that the patient in question is now reliant on drugs to control his depression. And, I do believe I have read somewhere that many of the most effective anti-depressants are addictive. Stopping them can cause severe headaches, exhaustion, and other withdrawal symptoms.

I think that the drug manufacturers would have more of a beef with this strip than mental health advocates would. It seems to be implying that anti-depressants are addictive, NOT that depressed people are drug addicts.

But it’s Kudzu, and I think if you are going to get your mental health education from a comic strip, it shouldn’t be Kudzu. Kudzu is where you should get your religious teachings. For mental health education, I think I'd recommend Cathy.

Symptoms

2006-09-20T12:21:00.000-04:00

Are you surprised that Popeye still runs as a strip? I sure as hell am. We don’t get it here in the Raleigh News & Observer. So, I have absolutely no idea what is going on here. Swee’pea gone? Gone where? Did Bluto take her? Or him? Or . . . who exactly is Swee’pea? Olive Oyl and Popeye’s baby? I have no idea.

I just thought I’d point out that the problem in Panel 3 probably ISN’T that Popeye is so touchy. The problem is more likely that Popeye is succumbing to the devastating effects of E Coli O157:H7. I think I heard on the news that some of the signs of infection include a sweaty brow, stars and spirals circling your head, and shaking feet. Also, Popeye’s hat fell off, but he kept that pipe clamped tightly in his maw. Way to go Popeye!

Mold, Pac-Man, and Cathy's Purse Mom

2006-09-19T10:02:00.000-04:00

First of all, thanks to everyone who wrote in to explain the "green plate" B.C. joke to me. I agree: it is a "joke" about mold! Aha! But, I do want to say something in my defense: when food gets old, the food itself turns green and moldy, but the plate usually stays the same color. I just want to point out that that is probably why I didn't "get" the "joke" right away. That, and 3 weeks with no more than 3 hours consecutive sleep.

But! Last night I had a good long 3 and a half hour sleep, so found great humor in one of today's comics. Normally, this is a site for complaining and "I don't get it," but I would like to praise today's Bizzaro, which struck me as very, very funny:

Lest you think I've gone soft, I do want to complain about Sunday's Cathy:

Given Elektra’s presence in panel 3, you are tricked into thinking Cathy is going to carry her dog around in her purse a la Paris Hilton et al. I guess this wouldn’t make any sense from the joke-telling standpoint, because why give away your punch line so early?

Instead, we are given the old switcheroo, and find out in the last panel that Cathy is really going to carry her mother around in her purse. The switcheroo is a typical Cathy joke. You will think she and Irving are talking about having children, but no – HA HA – they are really discussing adding more electronic gadgets to their household! Or, you will think Cathy is talking about going on a new weight loss program, but no – HA HA – she is going to get a smaller purse!! HA HA HA. So, we shouldn’t be surprised at the old switcheroo here.

But, while having the “reveal” be that she is going to carry her dog around in the purse wouldn’t make sense from a joke-telling standpoint, carrying her mother around in her purse doesn’t make sense from a sense-making standpoint. Stated a less roundabout way: It makes no sense. No offense to my mother, or mothers worldwide, but why would you want to carry her around with you everywhere? A) she would get heavy and B) what would you do with her all the time? Would you take her in the bathroom stall with you? And, come to think of it, as much as you probably wouldn’t want to carry your mother around with you everywhere you went, why would SHE want to go everywhere with YOU? Does she not have her own life? What is she going to do at Cathy’s work? Will she hang out with Mr. Pinkley and Charlene and look at co-workers' vacation photos? Help Cathy sort through her in box?

So, I guess this is a metaphor (or simile? Whichever one doesn’t take “like” or “as”): Cathy just likes the thought of her mother to be with her wherever she goes -- her words of wisdom, her slight nags, her joy at spending time with her daughter. Good for Cathy and good for Cathy’s mom. But, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Cathy has the lowest self esteem of anyone in the comics. Are we sure her parents did such a great job raising her?

Speaking of mothers, time to go tend to my little one. If he carried a purse, it might make sense for him to carry me around in it. He does seem to need me A LOT. Just like Cathy and her mom! But for a slight age difference in Cathy and my three-week-old. Also, he doesn't carry a purse because #1 that would be gay, and #2 he is too little to carry anything.

How Green was My Valley

2006-09-16T11:42:00.000-04:00

Today is a milestone day! The News & Observer comics were in color! Their section (on Saturday's it's "Home and Garden") was tabloid-style, and they were on the back 3 pages -- teeny, teeny tiny, but in color! Even so, it didn't help in my understanding of B.C.:

Yes, that's black and white, but, trust me, the color doesn't add to the "joke." Or maybe it does. The thing is, I don't know what the joke is. I am sleep-deprived, so, please, if you do get it, don't feel bashful. Feel free to explain it to me.

The "Green Plate" is a "Blue Plate" that doesn't move fast enough. Yes, I know about a "blue plate special," but what's the story with green not moving fast enough? Is green slower than blue? Is this about wavelength? Visible blue light has a wavelength of about 475 nm, while visible green light has a wavelength of about 510 nm. Hmmmmm . . .

Or is this a poke at environmentalists, who are typically labeled "green" activists? Or does it have to do with money? Or vegetables? Gah! I don't get it! If you get more than 3 hours of sleep a night, does that help? You know what baseball players (used to) take to get them "up" for their games? Greenies! (aka amphetamines!). Just sayin'.

Gag Me with a Spoon

2006-09-12T14:19:00.000-04:00

I no longer hide my secret love for Angry Jeffy. Angry Jeffy is reason enough to read The Family Circus. Poor Jeffy, really he has all the reason in the world to be angry. Think of his place in the family: he's not the baby, not the oldest, not the only girl. He's just plain Jeffy. And, he's the only one with curly hair. Since neither Thelma nor Bil has curly hair, that's got to make you wonder just a bit.

Anyway, Angry Billy just doesn't do it for me like Angry Jeffy does:

Still, though, a few points: I can't believe the Keanes have bit on that liberal bugaboo, global warming. Who's writing this strip these days, Al Gore?

More importantly, what sort of nasty slop do they feed those kids? Just recently, Jeffy was eating this nastiness. I'm way too lazy and tired to look for the post, but does anyone else remember when Jeffy was fed the black, shiny hot dog -- the one that looked like it was staring at you? Gross. Why is all Family Circus food black? It is obvious from this very panel, that the colorists do indeed have the ability to use the color red. So, why couldn't Billy's popsicle be a cherry popsicle? Why does it have to be a licorice popsicle? Tar popsicle? Seriously, what kind of food is black? Burned food, I guess, and maybe the Global Warming burned his food, in addition to melting it? Who knows. All I know is that it is grody to the max.

Apropos of nothing:
Q: Name a task that would be difficult enough, even if you weren't busy taking care of a newborn.
A: Collecting a urine sample from your cat. No kidding. This is not easy, and you've got to wonder why it's never featured in Garfield or Mutts.

Family Circus Isn't Funny

2006-09-10T18:57:00.000-04:00

Apparently, motherhood saps some of your brain power. Or, at least, lack of sleep does. Today that was most obvious when I did not get the Sunday Family Circus. I can never find them online, so I will have to describe:

Panel 1: Daddy Keane is driving the car, looking to his right and his mouth is open. It looks a little like he may be singing along with the radio.

Panel 2: DK is still driving, but now looking to his left and seems to be shouting in anger. Looks like a road rage incident.

Panel 3: DK still driving, now shouting angrily to his right and gesticulating with his right hand (no, he's not flipping anyone the bird). It looks like the road rage incident may be escalating.

Panel 4: Still driving, but this time he seems to be happily shouting . . . maybe singing again, or shouting hello to a neighbor (the background shows that he is now in a neighborhood).

Panel 5: Daddy Keane is in the driveway, and opens up the door, letting one of the dogs (Barfy?) out.

So, I didn't understand. Did DK not know the dog was there? What was the joke? My husband had to explain it to me. See, all along he was talking to the dog. That bit of humor gold isn't revealed until the last panel. According to the hubby, "The point is you think he's a weirdo for talking to himself in the car, and then -- HA HA HA -- you find out that all along he has been talking to his dog." I had to ask, "Do you think it's really that weird to see someone talking to themselves in the car?" And the answer, of course, is no. He could be on a hands-free cell phone, singing to the radio, yelling at fellow drivers, etc. People talk to themselves ALL THE TIME in their cars. So, it's not funny.

It's actually just strange. Where was he with the dog? He looks like he is coming home from work. Was it Take Your Dog to Work Day? Why is he so angry with the dog? Did it pee on the back seat? Poop? So many unanswered questions.

One thing I love about the Sunday paper is the Parade insert. I love to read the ridiculous questions people send to Marilyn Vos Savant, Parade genius-in-residence. My favorite today was a question asking her what would happen if an asteroid hit the Earth. Anyway, in today's insert, there was a list of books that had been banned by school libraries. Along with the usual suspects (Huck Finn, To Kill a Mockingbird) there were also some newer entries (i.e., the Harry Potter books - SATAN!). But, most intriguing to me . . . some school, somewhere, has banned a collection of Garfield cartoons! Why? The column said I could go to parade.com to find out more, but unfortunately, that site is down right now. Well, I will wait and wonder, and report back when I find out more.

Katie Couric and the Menace

2006-09-06T17:20:00.000-04:00

So, I watched Katie Couric's debut on the CBS Evening News last night. Not because I'm a huge K.C. fan or really particularly cared what was going on in the world yesterday, but because I guess I am a lemming for media-driven "events." And, you know what? Katie's news interested me. Not because of Katie, but because she (and CBS) are trying different things with the news. Longer segments, interviews, other views. . . I liked it! And, no reports on social security, the Aging Baby Boomers, or prescription drug benefits. Thank you, Katie! Not that these aren't important issues, but we don't have to hear about them EVERY night do we, NBC?

Point? Sometimes a stale genre that is losing audience needs a shake up. And it doesn't have to be a massive shake up. I mean, Katie didn't swallow fire between segments or read the news standing on her head. There were no musical numbers and as far as I could tell, no nudity. Maybe when she's done at CBS, Katie could take on the job as News & Observer comics page editor.

Her first step could be to axe Dennis the Menace, please Katie.

Yes, now that I have a precious little Menace of my own, I realize I am supposed to be more sympathetic. And I will be! I promise I will, Mr. Hank Ketchum. Except for today. You can't ask "what's new?" about Mr. Wilson's attic because I assume he keeps a bunch of old stuff up there . . . like everybody else in the attic-having world. Who puts new stuff in their attic? I guess if you buy new Christmas ornaments, you put them up there, but generally speaking, the whole point of attics is old stuff. Right?

Man, poor Joey. He spends his whole life listening to the Wisdom of Dennis.

Hiatus began . . .

2006-09-02T22:02:00.000-04:00

MONDAY

So, yeah, the hiatus, which was really supposed to begin sometime in mid to late September suddenly arrived on Monday. I haven't read the comics since! But, I did just look at Marvin online.

Awwwwww . . . I think Marvin is the greatest! Isn't he so cute? He's like a little baby T.O., and that is just soooo precious. I hope that my son starts acting like Barry Bonds!

And Jeffy eating this prison slop? I secretly love Angry Jeffy.

What a funny and precious child! All children are God's gifts, especially those witty and big-headed Keene kids.

Motherhood is softening.

Hope and Hiatus

2006-08-27T21:33:00.000-04:00

THAT'S it????? This is the wisdom of the noble savage dispensed with heartfelt serenity?? I mean, not only is the guy a Native American, and therefore filled to the brim with ancient wisdom, but he also wears a Yin/Yang t-shirt, for crying out loud! Wisdom of the North American First Peoples coupled with the ancient teachings of the mystical Far East and we get . . . "Live with hope"????? Wasn't that Bill Clinton's slogan in the '92 campaign?? I mean, didn't James Carville or someone come up with that?? I gotta believe that the Native American father/daughter combo has more to impart to us than that. I will live with hope that this is so.

Now, here is a blog announcement: Sometime in the near future, I will be taking a hiatus of indeterminate length. So, yes, a hiatus of unannounced length to be taken at an unannounced time. You will just all of a sudden notice . . . no posts for a week? What's going on?

Mr. Big Al and I are going to be welcoming a Little Big Al into our family shortly, and as we don't know for sure when the blessed event will occur and how frazzled we'll be in the immediate aftermath . . . blogging will likely be put on hold. Who knows? Maybe I will be so frazzled that I will need to harp on the comics even more. As an outlet for my stress and frustration I will post five times a day. Perhaps motherhood will soften me up a bit, and I will find joy and peace in the crazy antics of Dennis the Menace. Maybe our little guy will remind me so much of Marvin that I become the World's #1 Marvin Fan. Maybe "Big Al's Comic Blog" will be no more, and instead you all can read my thoughts at "Family Circus 4-Eva." Who knows? I certainly don't. Until the time comes, though, I will be here.

Ancient Coaching Secret

2006-08-24T19:02:00.000-04:00

Funky Winkerbean has added these two new folks: a Native American father-daughter duo taking graduation photos at the Grand Canyon in traditional dress. To what end? So that poor, dissatisfied teacher Les can be reminded of his soul sucking job as a high school teacher? So that poor, hairless Lisa can be reminded of her strength sapping chemo treatments? Perhaps. My guess: these two are getting ready to drop some of that noble savage wisdom on good ol' L&L. Maybe a little something of a folk cure? Stay tuned.

Boy, Gil Thorp pulls a switcheroo surprise ending of Sixth Sense proportions on us here! All along, we thought that Coach was using Riya to distract Keri, but in reality, Coach was using Riya to distract Riya. Brilliant psychological tactics! What a coach!

"I see scarred gymnasts. They're everywhere. Walking around like regular people."

Cutting Loose in Sin City

2006-08-22T17:48:00.000-04:00

So, I never pictured the Drabbles as the WholesomeWear demographic, but clearly I was wrong. Her STRAPLESS APRON is IMMODEST! HA HA. He's so concerned that she looks like a "showgirl" that you can see the worry on his face in Panel 3.

But, it does all sort of make sense. Mrs. Drabble, in her sensible shoes and Alice-the-maid house dresses, her gray bun, and her Wilma Flintstone-sized pearls HAS always looked more like kindly, frumpy, elderly Mrs. Wilson than, say, the more sensibly dressed modern mammas like Wanda MacPherson and Andy Fox. She's certainly a lot more dowdy than Mrs. Alice Mitchell (who today looks to be entertaining a friend while wearing her best little black dress), or the Queen of Housewife VA VA VOOM, Mrs. Blondie Bumstead.

It's why for the longest time I assumed Mrs. Drabble was the grandma. Now I see that they are just of the "cover yourself up woman!" school of thought.

P.S. Where do the Mitchells live that their guest brings a coat to the house? It's August.

Office Supplies and Sunscreen

2006-08-17T15:34:00.000-04:00

Have you ever noticed that when Lt Fuzz has something to complain about, or make suggestions about, it is inevitably and invariably paper clips? It is. Why is this? I get the "joke," such that it is, but aren't there other minor details he can focus on from time to time? Staples? Post-its? Detailed procedures for the procuring of copy paper? Why must it always be paper clips???

At least he's not working up a good case of skin cancer, Margaret. I'd think she'd know better considering a) she's a know-it-all and b) she's a redhead, and therefore more susceptible to the dangers of the sun's rays.

Cosmo Fishawk, Meet Mel Gibson

2006-08-14T20:54:00.000-04:00

Woah ho ho . . . a political Shoe! And what do we find? Is Shoe as anti-Semitic as B.C. tends to be? What makes me ask? Well, "foreign aid" = "helping the enemy" = "treason" seems to be the gist here, no? And what country does the U.S. provide the most foreign aid to????

Well, OK, Iraq, and technically, we ARE at war with Iraq. Well, we aren't at war WITH Iraq, but IN Iraq or whatever. Doesn't matter. Traditionally, the largest amount of U.S. foreign aid goes to . . . ISRAEL! And, even now, Israel is second only to Iraq. State Dept. figures here. (page 17)

So, what's the political commentary going on here? That we shouldn't provide aid to Iraq? Is this an anti-war strip? Or is it anti-Semitic, and the artist is hoping we don't realize how much aid we provide to Israel? Or is it a plea for isolationism? I will say that there are some real doozies on that list of aid -- Sudan, for instance. I'm just not entirely sure of the point here. It could be an anti-Peruvian screed . . . Peru's on the list, and you know, that damn Peru and its Shining Path -- crazy, mixed up Maoist leftists. . . yeah, that's the point here. I'm sure of it!

Chutney's One Crazy Ass Bizzotch

2006-08-10T14:21:00.000-04:00

The Curtis-Michelle-Chutney love triangle is tiresome to me. Although is it really a triangle? I could graph it. I think a triangle is typically when two people are in love with the same person, right? Something like this:

I don't if it should be just like that or if it should look more like a carat (^), because while Arthur and Lancelot both love Guinevere, it's not like they are in love with each other. Although there is that father-son type relationship there, complicating manners somewhat. So, the triangle fits. But what we have in the Chutney loves Curtis loves Michelle relationship is this:

Chutney >>>> Curtis >>>> Michelle

Not a triangle at all! It's a line. Yet, still tiresome. By the way, if there IS a triangle going on in this strip, it is diagrammed as such:

Because, you see, Michelle loves herself as much as Curtis does (if not more).

Now, that is an awful lot of diagramming and explaining just to make a real simple observation:

EYIIIIIKES! Chutney has always seemed sort of harmless and sweet. But now she has reached a Gollum-like obsession with Curtissssssss, her precioussssssss . . . Geez, Chutney, chill out. Just because you are named after a South Asian condiment doesn't mean you can go around scaring little boys.

Hagar Needs Two Weenies

2006-08-08T15:48:00.000-04:00

Hagar the Horrible "humor" is based on you recognizing your daily plight in the daily plight of a hard-nosed ancient Viking warrior. So, you've got the harridan/battle axe wife, the cowardly and slightly effeminate personal assistant, the golf-playing quack of a doctor, the government taxmen out for your very last dime . . . you know how it goes. Same as it ever was.

Except today:

Here we have Hagar interrupting his sacking of a castle in order to order 2 dogs with the works . . . from a conveniently (and humorously!) located hot dog cart. And I don't see why it's funny. Is it the anachronism of the hot dog cart? Is it the fact that Hagar is distracted enough by food to ignore the raging battle? Some combination of those two?

It's the same thing that bothers me with B.C. (well, ONE of the things that bothers me with B.C.) In B.C. they write on stone tablets and live in caves, and yet when the BASEBALL team gets INTERVIEWED, the guy uses a MICROPHONE. Question: since it takes place in the olden days, are they traditionalists, or do they use a designated hitter?

What the hell is the point in setting your strip in the past if you are just going to use random things from the present? A hot dog cart? Why not just arm the guys in the castle with Katyusha rockets while you're at it??

Mallard, Mallard, Mallard

2006-08-06T21:02:00.000-04:00

Easily the best part of my exposure to the Wilmington Star-News for the past week was the lack of The Family Circus. Just imagine! No big-headed cutesy kids sayin' the darndest things. How wonderful! But the worst part of my exposure to the Wilmington Star-News? Mallard Fillmore! Yugh.

First, major props to Austin, who actually wrote his paper to complain about Mallard. Read about it here. Even better -- in his letter of July 6, Austin writes "The problem with Mallard Fillmore is by the time he draws the strip and submits it and it’s published, whatever he was writing about has vanished off the political radar. In about three weeks we’ll get the first batch of North Korea missile test 'jokes'." And, here is the Mallard Fillmore of July 24:

Wow, Austin, it's like you have some sort of "in" with the Mallard people. Is there something we need to know?

So, the problem with Mallard (as I see it) is not that it's normally so conservative (although, I'll admit, that's what gets under my skin). The problem is, you have a duck reporting an event, then a commentary on said event. No character development, no plot, no change in the setting, just the same thing day after day after day. Duck, comment, editorializing. But, OK, I would probably just write it off as another lame strip if it didn't offend my liberal sensibilities. So, I think it is doing its job where I am concerned.

The Mallards I got to enjoy over the past week were a series of back to school tips, which essentially pointed out the liberal and nefarious nature of schools today. To wit:

OK, now something I learned in school (maybe because I didn't sleep) is the First Amendment: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." If this kid ain't disruptin' class by his prayin', no one can tell him otherwise. As I see it, you can pray silently (as would be the case when mistaken for sleeping) before every class, test, meal, whenever. Any teacher who tries to stop you is in the WRONG. The problem we liberals have is with organized, sanctioned prayer. Pray away, students. Although, this guy here is cutting a serious log, so why the teacher might think that is praying is beyond me.

Another reason not to sleep in class is because you won't learn anything. Also, it is disrespectful to an authority figure. Learning and respect. These would seem to be conservative values, no?

Well, I don't have much to say about this one. I think the point is that we liberals are all too sensitive and worry too much about offending people. Probably true. Still, not funny.

Yay, Mallard! Good work! While the other strips were just sort of eye-rolling and dumb, this one actually managed to make me mad! I know for a fact that in Mallard's world, I would be considered a liberal. This despite the fact that I am a married white woman living in the suburbs. Despite the fact that I served in the military, and my husband continues to serve in the reserves. Despite the fact that we are both Christians. And, oh no! We have been allowed to marry each other. Raising kids? Well, stand by. Ugh. We're good people. I know a lot of liberals who are darned good people who make wonderful contributions to society (like, for instance, teaching your kids for low pay). And you know what? I know a lot of good conservative people too. Can't we just all get along? (what a namby pamby pinko liberal thing for me to say).

That's not the point. The point is that mankind's. . . ooops . . . humankind's actions are speeding up and/or slowing down the natural warming and cooling trends. . . Oh, I just don't even have the energy.

Game, set, match: Mallard Fillmore. You have worn me down, you righteous, unfunny duck, you. Thank God I am back to the Raleigh News & Observer. Bring on the cute Keane kids because they are a hell of a lot better than this damn duck!

Vacation Comics Update

2006-08-05T17:54:00.000-04:00

Ahhhh . . . a nice week at the beach, enjoying the comic stylings of the Wilmington Star-News. What goes on in the WS-N comics pages, you ask? Well, there's no Garfield, no Mutts, and no Marmaduke. Do the good folks at the WS-N have something against pets??? Not that any of this is a great loss, but I did leave Garfield on such a high note -- Jon's triumphant pairing with Liz, the vet -- that I wonder what went on in the interim. I see today that Garfield is going to use an acetylene torch to open a can of cat food. HA HA HA! I am too lazy to see what went on all week.

While I did get to read FBOFW daily, I see that the Liz -n- Anthony storyline is on hiatus while we get a week of April's band followed by April-goes-to-the-farm. Snooze. Come on, enquiring minds want to know -- will Liz ditch Mr. Wright in favor of Mr. Milquetoast?

There was no Funky Winkerbean, so I am completely flummoxed at today's hospital scene. What happened here? Food poisoning is my guess. Can anyone confirm for me? I am almost interested enough to go back and catch up on what I missed.

What was the best part of the Wilmington Star-News comics? No Family Circus! In past years, the FC was shoved into a random part of the Classifieds. I looked one day, but didn't see them. HA HA HA! Way to go WS-N! And -- no Peanuts! Thank you, WS-N, for not bowing to the "MUST HAVE PEANUTS" mindset.

The paper did have a daily dose of that horrendous Mallard Fillmore -- in fact, my next post will likely be a ranting, raving, anti-Mallard screed. Plus, the paper had Pluggers, which is a strange strip. I've got to think about Pluggers for awhile.

Hasta La Vista! (for at least a week)

2006-07-27T11:37:00.000-04:00

I leave tomorrow for a week-long beach vacation. Yay! So, let's just take a snapshot of the "State of the Funnies" and I'll check back in a little over a week, and see what's what:

OH my! Elizabeth and Anthony! And he rattles her nerves. If you did not see this coming from the VERY MINUTE Liz decided to leave Mtigiwatsit . . . well, what the HELL is wrong with you??? More to the point, what the HELL is wrong with Liz?? Has she not seen her hot boyfriend the cop, Mr. Wright? Warren the hot helicopter pilot? Anthony?? The divorced, single-dad, milquetoast used car lot accountant with the push broom mustache and 1980s-era glasses? HOTTTT, Liz!

ARGGGH! More power to the powers-that-be behind Blondie if they are going to turn a quick buck on a chain of Dagwood Sandwich Shoppes. But, here we see the "art" "suffering" for the quick buck. Not that I will miss the diner jokes any more than I'd miss ANYTHING that ever happens in this strip. No more jokes about the cook's heart-burn inducing, ultra hot, pungent, and greasy foods? I think I can survive. But, geez, as stated before . . . I have a problem with the strip changing to service the sandwich shop. Hate it, in fact.

We leave Garfield with a major turn of events. A girl ACTUALLY LIKES JON! Jon, who is portrayed as such a loser in love that the only date I've ever seen him on is one with an amnesiac who thinks Jon has gone on space walks. Now, the long-time object of his desire seems to like him. And her name is . . . LIZ!

Lesson: If you appear in the comics, and your name is Liz, you will be attracted to dorks.

Yes! Child abuse storyline upcoming! Funky was getting too uplifting with the tennis-playing and teen-dating storylines. Now can we have some harrowing flashbacks to a childhood spent cowering from a belt-wielding, enraged, drunken father? Please?

So what is it, coach? She "underachieves," but she "has fun" AND is the "hardest worker." So . . . now what exactly is her problem? And what does it have to do with her interest in non-parent-coached sports? Is her underachieving part of a subconscious desire to not out-perform her parents? Well, Coaches Thorp . . . take a lesson from Funky Winkerbean: Beat Keri -- beat her senseless, until she, too, becomes a high school coach.

More Garfield

2006-07-26T18:32:00.000-04:00

So, there are indeed two obviously different women: Liz, the vet Jon has been crushing on for years, and amnesia woman who had gotten up to go to the bathroom. I find it mildly troubling, to say the least, that I can't follow the plot of a week's worth of Garfield without getting confused.

In my own defense, I'd like to point out that I missed this vital strip -- the strip upon which the whole Liz subplot rests:

But honestly? Had I seen this, I would have just assumed (as I did in the strips that appeared after this one) that amnesia chick had just forgotten who her date was. Are we really supposed to recognize Liz?

What's the deal here? A Garfield with a plot? A Garfield that expects us to follow along and remember what happened in previous days? All with an amnesiac playing a central role. Funny.

And . . . whoah: Panel 2 today: Liz really likes Jon? Since when? How? Whuh? Strange things are afoot in Garfield world, people. Strange things . . .

A Quartet

2006-07-25T17:58:00.000-04:00

Hey, what do you know? A Garfield sans Garfield! Never thought it would happen. But, wait . . . doesn't Liz have amnesia? How does she recognize Jon in disguise and remember that his "social calendar was all booked up?" Logical inconsistencies are only acceptable when they improve the whole. This just doesn't make any sense. What's supposed to be funny here? That the guy is sitting right there? That Jon looks so ridiculous? More ridiculous than his normal plaid jacket/polka dot bow tie date ensemble?

Don't worry, Coach, we realize you aren't gay! Although . . . what in the world would make you think Les would ask you to rub sunscreen on the back of his neck? Can't Les easily reach back there himself? Is there any indication that Les can't reach the back of his OWN NECK?? Coach, methinks your imagination is running away with you, and that makes me start to question, just a little bit . . .

Cathy, do us all a favor: if it bothers you so much, why don't you try something a little more flattering and less revealing than that teeny tiny monstrosity? Can I again suggest WholesomeWear?

Riya: you are a gymnast. Scar or not, they'd be staring at you during your routine. That's the point. If you are so worried about it, TRY ANOTHER SPORT! Besides, it's not your scar that bothers me, but your Ken-doll-like lower anatomy.

SWF Seeks Cat Loving Man

2006-07-20T15:41:00.000-04:00

This is actually kind of funny, in a sad kind of way. The "joke" of course, is that Jon continues to take advantage of this poor woman's amnesia, first by getting a date with her, and now, talking about his space mission. HA HA. But, really -- he brought his CAT with him on a DATE. And, Garfield is just sitting there, watching like he's at a tennis match. It's so absurd. So ridiculous. And yet, actually a teeny tiny bit funny.

I wonder if Jim Davis realized this? Or if, well, the strip is called "Garfield," so you can't have a strip without Garfield. It would be like watching an episode of House without Dr. House.

Or a Blondie strip with no Blondie:

Or a Luann with no Luann:

Or a Dilbert with no Dilbert:

Or a Funky Winkerbean with no Funky Winkerbean:

Or a Cathy with no Cathy:

Or a Gil Thorp with no Gil Thorp:

It just can't happen, so Garfield must always appear. And Jon doesn't get to go on a date sans cat. But wouldn't there have been some humor in the maitre'd trying to seat Garfield? In the woman's realization that her date BROUGHT HIS CAT? That could have been some funny stuff. But, no . . . the fact that a cat is in these absurd situations is not Garfield's humor niche. Although maybe it should be, because lame puns, making fun of amnesiacs, and "Beware of Dog" jokes just don't cut the mustard.