smart kitty

On motivational speeches by coaches and Gatorade spokesmen

2008-07-20T13:57:00.000-07:00

I quit my job and didn't get another one. My last day is August 8. I'm going to use my time to be creative and write. Sometimes I will try to get paid for it. We'll see how that goes. I have some money saved. I'll continue to work on some projects for FM (the company employing me until August 8,)and I'll probably do some freelance/consulting things, too. I'm trying to find the mix between being a responsible adult who doesn't get evicted and allowing myself the freedom to create without needing to know the results will have a home or get me a check. I am prepared in case I fail, but I am also prepared in case I succeed.

I don't know how long I'll be able to keep it up. I hope long enough to produce things I am proud of. I hope long enough to see something happen with those things I am proud of. The main thing that motivated me to make this decision was that I had never failed at anything. So here's to something I care enough about to risk failure.

Love,
Marcia

Delicious champagne boob

2008-07-14T21:39:00.000-07:00

Oh, hi, internet. Remember me? I have been living life and ignoring you. Here is a thing I did:

After talking about molecular mixology for a while, I decided to give it a shot. I could not find a place in San Francisco that made these schmancy cocktail concoctions, so if you know of one -- tell me! I figured a gelatin-based recipe would be an easy foray into the world of drinky science. Joy was game for joining me in making foamy champagne gelatin with citrus. Adventure!

When we took the foamy champagne gelatin out of the martini glass we'd been allowing it to set in and put it on to the plate so we could garnish it ... it looked like a boob. We got the giggles big time. Judge for yourself:

The delicious boob in question

It was delicious! Very light and refreshing. We skipped the spiced sauce the internet recommended in favor of some plain fruit. Much better. The spiced sauce was too sticky sweet and took away from the sparkly good times.

Here's how to make Foamy Champagne Jiggle Boobs:

2 (1/3 ounce) envelopes unflavored gelatin
1 cup boiling water
2 cups chilled champagne (We thought it could use more champagne. Next time will try substituting some champagne for water. But this is the recipe we used)
1 ruby red grapefruit or orange (Wanted blood oranges, but the store didn't have 'em)
really any other fruit that you want
4 martini glasses

Accidental panoramic photo of a bunch of the steps involved

Coat the martini glasses with cooking spray. I'm not positive this helped, but it doesn't affect the taste and maybe it would have stuck to the glasses without the spray.

Sparkling and refreshing!
Cut the peel and white pith from the citrus. Working over a bowl, cut between the membranes to release segments, allowing them and the excess juices to fall into the bowl. Set aside.
Whisk sugar and gelatin in a medium bowl to blend. Add boiling water and whisk vigorously to until gelatin and sugar dissolve and mixture becomes very foamy, about 2 minutes. Strain the juices from bowl of fruit into gelatin mixture and whisk to blend.
Refrigerate gelatin mixture until lukewarm, stirring occasionally, about 25 minutes. Whisk in chilled champagne. Divide the gelatin among the glasses. Cover each and refrigerate until gelatin sets, at least 2 hours and up to 1 day.
If you don't want it to look like a boob, then serve it in the martini glasses with the fruit on top. If you do want it to look like a boob, remove it from the glass, dump it on a plate, and put the areola-like garnish of your choice on top.

Ta-da!

Conferencey

2008-06-10T09:11:00.000-07:00

I am in New York at a worky conference. (It is supposedly 107 degrees outside. I don't get to leave the building for another 7 hours, so I'll take the internet's word on that one.)

Because the conference is at the Ritz Carlton Battery Park, that is also where I'm staying. It's pretty schmancy. The public restrooms offer actual towels to dry your hands rather than paper towels. When I came back to my room last night, there were mints on my pillow along with a note addressed to "Ms. Simmons" making sure I was enjoying my stay. They have offered to shine my shoes for free. Haven't taken them up on this one.

Last night after the conference and associated cocktail/tiny snack party, we went up to the rooftop bar. This was the best part so far. (Sorry, conference! But you are overly air conditioned and do not take into account that I am on Pacific time. So I am always hungry, tired and cold.)

The rooftop bar, aside from being a nice tropical temperature at night, had a cool view. I saw the Statue of Liberty, the Staten Island Ferry and some bridge that even the New Yorkers in the group could not identify. It was an awesome view. I tried to photograph it today, but it's a night-time thing. Without the lights on a night sky, it was a blurry smoggy looking photo. It was weird seeing the Statue of Liberty in real life. If I have a chance, I'd like to actually go to it so I can get an idea of the real size.

Maybe I will get to go outside again. If I do, I will take some photos. If not, then maybe I will photograph my bed. It has fluffy down bedding on it. And delicious mints.

2008-05-27T17:30:00.000-07:00

Do you want to eat $100-a-plate food served to you by blind people in total darkness? You do! Then you can go to Opaque, which will be opening in San Francisco on June 5. Apparently, being able to see makes food less delicious. That's why Opaque seats you in a pitch-black room and overcharges you for food. Flavor comes alive in the darkness! Flavor!

So far not murdered

2008-05-19T21:40:00.000-07:00

Men -- do you worry about telling strangers where you live? Well, as a woman, this is a big thing we aren't supposed to do.

I sold my old car today. But there really isn't a convenient way to sell a car as a private party without telling someone where you live. (Even if I met the potential buyer elsewhere ... the title to the car has my address on it. Although I suppose if I were the type to care, I could have gotten a PO box ...)

I advertised the car on Craigslist, and only showed it to one person. He showed up with another guy and naturally wanted to drive the car. I went for a drive with them. And they didn't murder me! Instead, they drove to the bank and got money to pay me what I asked for the car. However, even though I wasn't really worried about being harmed in broad daylight, there was a part of my brain that registered that I needed to pay attention because this was a situation that women needed to be careful about.

I am constantly being reminded of safety measures I need to take just to live a normal life. (My aunts and uncles would be so upset if they knew I slept with the window open last night and followed it up by telling a strange man where I lived and then driving alone in a car with him and another guy.)

What you are doing Thursday

2008-05-13T19:35:00.000-07:00

Thursday, Thursday, Thursday! On Thursday what you are doing is coming to the Phoenix Theater in Petaluma so you can attend the fabulous second annual Word Pirates Reading and Arts Extravaganza.

In addition to entertaining short fiction and essays read aloud by the likes of me and the other Word Pirates, you will also enjoy some displays by local artists ... and surprise entertainment of some sort. Oh yes, and snacks. There will be snacks.

WHEN: Thursday, May 15 at 7:30 p.m.
WHERE: The Phoenix Theater, 201 Washington St., Petaluma
WHAT: You come there and enjoy scintillating stories and entertainments

DO IT!
You can read more about it here.

My little town

2008-05-01T23:02:00.001-07:00

My sunny little town of Petaluma held the annual Butter and Egg Days parade on Saturday. It is Petaluma's 150th birthday. Even though I have lived there for four years now, this was my first time attending it intentionally. (A few times I tried to drive somewhere and was like "Why are there tractors, and people dressed up like cows on the street? Inconvenient!)

It was a gorgeous day, and I enjoyed being outside with the townsfolk.

I didn't have my camera for the most adorable segment of the day: The Cutest Chick Contest, wherein babies dressed up like chickens to compete for the crowd's love and admiration. I loved them all. Babies!

I did, however, have my camera for the most perplexing part: the parade itself. I have always been confused by parades that aren't the Rose Parade. What is the point? The floats are not usually pretty, and it seems like it's just an opportunity to make children march in the street and look at war veterans wearing special hats. Trucks driving around in circles with people waving at you from the back?

Hence my new slogan:
Parades -- a whimsical way to waste gas!

This truck has balloons on it. Thousands of people sat on the sidewalk to look at that.

Tractors!

It wasn't too long before children started doing something adorable again, though. Joy took some pictures of it for me. There was a DJ and a bunch of kids started dancing. Who doesn't like that? Communists and losers, that's who.

That little boy in the red shoes was a dancing machine! He was doing handstands, too.

Dancing! Children!

The next day, I went to the town chili cookoff. I didn't know chili cookoffs were a real thing people did. Three of the entries were good, but the rest kind of were lazy. Come on, P-Town, put some effort into your chili!

Eating is fun, eating is serious 2.0

2008-04-25T11:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I have weeks where I spend my nights watching movies with my cat. And other times I go a bunch of places and do things. This week, I went places and did things. Perhaps I was reinvigorated by Sleep All Day Monday, the day I had a facsimile of mono and felt too gross to do anything once I was awake.

Thing 1:
Exciting food outing! Tuesday I went to CoCo's Crawfish with Justin, Stephanie, Joy and Kyle to eat cajun-style fun food. It is steamed in a bag with spices!

Here is a picture Justin took of our bag of crawfish. They are like tiny lobsters. I really like food you are supposed to eat with your hands. After, we went to Alembic for awesome old timey cocktails. Verdict: I enjoy flavor.

Thing 2:
Wednesday I went to FM's party that was the hotspot of the Web 2.0 South Park crawl. Hung out with lots of cool folks. Internet! Afterwards, we went to Mel's Diner. I actually ordered a boring old grilled cheese sandwich. But Jean ordered apple pie with melted cheese ala mode.

She took this photo of her somewhat strange (and not gross but also not good) dessert. Upon further urging, she posted about it on the good old internet. Verdict: cheese on pie = unnecessary

New car!

2008-04-15T16:34:00.000-07:00

I finally bought a new car! It is cute, and I like it.

Even though I am a grownup with a decent job, I just had a hard time believing I was actually getting a new car. I'm 31, and I'd kind of emotionally accepted the fact that I would never be able to have a new car.

Aside from being broke for most of my life, I inherited a bit of that attitude from my family. My mom's reaction to me getting a new car was: a) Oooh, Honda? Fancy! You must have hit the big time. That is a rich person's car. Are you sure you can afford that? Now your insurance will go through the roof! b) So, it's NEW? I have never had a new car in my life and probably never will. Wow!

I've been at the mercy of a crappy car that has scrapes and bruises and has broken down on me many times, usually when I could barely afford to fix it. It was like an abusive boyfriend. I was embarrassed to introduce it to new people, for fear it would do something bad I'd have to make excuses for later. A few times I had to tell people what it had done and then act like it didn't bother me too much, although it was obvious that it did. No one could really understand why I was with it for so long. Most of the time it was fine, but other times it was really bad. And those were the times everyone knew about and wondered why I'd put up with it. But they didn't understand! I was stuck with it, and it was my fault.

On my way to the dealership I couldn't believe that they were actually going to let me have a brand-new car. I was worried that somehow they would be able to tell that I wasn't supposed to have one and retract the deal. I had already arranged the price via email and phone. But it wasn't for reals until I had signed everything, called "no takebacks" and driven it off the lot.

It was a good thing I had done all my negotiating beforehand rather than in person. It must've been pretty obvious that I was scared out of my mind. I made sure to repeat the price several times to the sales guy and reiterate that it was the "out the door, after tax, all fees included, this is the number on the check you are getting" price. But! Suddenly when I got to the finance guy, it seemed like my fears were warranted.

Now, I was not financing through the dealership. But the final registration and paperwork goes through their finance department regardless. I signed like 40 papers, and then came the paper with the total price on it. And it was $1100 more than what I'd agreed to pay! It turns out that it was just a paperwork error by the sales guy ... but I was about to barf while I waited for him to come and confirm that to the finance guy. So I was able to get the price I'd agreed to. And really I just had to wait 5 minutes for them to sort that out. And I must've looked really scared, because the finance guy kept telling me it would be OK and then paging the sales guy over and over and eventually running out to the lot to grab him. That was the longest 5 minutes!

Then I got my shiny new silver car. The End!

Notes:
-- If, like me, you are tough in theory but not in person, I highly recommend doing as much as you can over email when you buy a new car. Saved a lot of time and money!

-- Marin Honda in Corte Madera was awesome. Aside from the minor paperwork scare, everything went smoothly and they never pressured me or condescended to me. Plus, I got a hell of a deal. Other dealerships got very close to the price I was asking for (which was quite low) but this one beat the lowest by $600 and with no back-and-forth or haggling.

New paintings ... and more

2008-04-12T20:48:00.000-07:00

Joy and I went to San Franciso to do big city things. And I bought a ton of stuff! There was even more stuff I wanted to buy, but I am not that madcap or rich. However! I did buy the arts pictured above. (They are 25x18, if you are trying to figure out how large they are) I forgot the artist's name. It will come back to me.

The other things I bought are not installed yet, so you cannot see them. Suspense! I bought a new thingy to put my TV, stereo and DVD player on that will also store all of my records. Finally. It's only been a bazillion years. I will show it to you once it is in my apartment and set up (I had to order it). I also got a neat coat hook that is shaped like a "You are here" arrow. It requires a drill to put it in. How dumb.

Some firsts about the city this time around:

It was hot. I mean, hot! This would be the first time ever where I was too hot wearing jeans.
We were in the Mission and it wasn't a giant pain in the ass. As much as I like the Mission, normally it is such a pain in my country bumpkin ass to deal with that I stay away from it for like 6 months. I was able to park my car twice, eat without waiting for 9 years and not be crowded by sour people.
People seemed happy and friendly. People were walking around smiling. Usually San Franciscans are sour. (Sorry, San Francisco, but it is true!) Maybe it is just bad weather that makes them upset, and when it is sunny and they can wear dresses and shorts then they cheer up.
There were things I wanted to buy and they ended up being the price I thought they should be instead of four times as much. (There were some pieces of art I couldn't afford, but they were definitely worth the high price tags.)
Did I mention I could park? I found parking at three different locations! I didn't even have to parallel park. I don't care if it makes me sound provincial: I think it is really annoying not to be able to drive somewhere I want to go and then park my car somewhat near that place. I don't want to take seven forms of transportation to get one place that is 6 miles away.

We also ate tapas at Ramblas. Delicious! Who would have thought beets with blood oranges, fennel and basil would be so tasty. But they totally were. (For those of you worried about me not eating enough meat, I also ate albondigas, which are meatballs. Phew.)

Fashion mania

2008-04-09T10:58:00.000-07:00

Jeans are hard to buy! Tell me this, fashion: Don't you think a person with a smaller-than-average waist would also be smaller than average in general? I think so. Apparently you do not!

Dear Fashion:
I know I am a short person with a small waist: 5'2" tall, 25" waist. I actually have kind of long legs for someone my height, yet you somehow expect me to be as thin as I am yet super tall. My inseam is 30" ... but you expect it to be 32" or 34"! That is the inseam of women and men I know who are 7 inches taller than me! I realize shortening pants is possible and lengthening them is not. However, I just don't think there are that many people my weight and waist size who are 7 inches taller. Even those tall skinny models weigh more than me!

Also: I am slim-hipped and still can't fit my hips in your pants a lot of times. Why do you want me to be a boy shape? Somehow you expect me to have a big bottom, so why not hips?

Sincerely,
Marcia

Reader question: What is your inseam and how tall are you? Here's how to find out inseam if you don't know.

Art, please!

2008-04-01T16:21:00.000-07:00

This is a print I have in my apartment, near the cat condo

I am in need of some art, dear readers. I would like something original and striking. Where does one get an art? The only piece I have seen recently that I liked well enough to buy costs $6,500. That is not in my budget. (It has since been sold anyway.)

I have unintentionally ended up with a creepy imbalance in the artwork in my house. First of all, I have a lot of pictures of women by themselves. This is a little jarring considering I haven't had a proper date in two years. (The post wherein I ask for a date is forthcoming. This one is about art.)

Second of all, I have a lot of ironic/semi-ironic retro images. In addition to the one above, I have an incomplete mock-up of an ad featuring a slender fashion-drawing-style woman next to a gigantic floating dish of ice cream with the text of the ad missing; a series of postcards from the '50s advertising California as the land of sunshine; and a Vargas Girl pin-up drawing of a topless woman wearing pearls and inviting you to "bite them to see if they are real."

I would like to add a large painting. A real painting like grown-ups have. I want something wild and colorful. Maybe even cartoony. Where does one purchase such a thing?

My cat is an addict!

2008-03-19T22:52:00.000-07:00

My adorable, innocent cat has a problem. She likes to get high! (No, I do not give her drugs. I only give her Wellness brand cat food and special treats that promote dental health.)

She's only three years old, but she's chewed through at least eight laptop power cords ... two of them in the last month and a half. I've only caught her doing it a couple times. One time I saw that she bit down and got a little spark. I think that is why she does it! To get high!

She doesn't chew any of the other plugs in the apartment. I've tried coating the cord with things she's not supposed to like (citrus, hot sauce, nail polish, nail polish remover ...). It doesn't work. She cannot stop chasing that high. She has an electric monkey on her back!

If I start noticing her personality changing, I will have to stage an intervention.

SXSWi is over, so you are probably done hearing about it

2008-03-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

Hey, look. It's me. In the background of a strange Rocketboom video. Thanks, Justin and Jonathan.

I am back from SXSW! I am back with my elegant cat in my modest one-bedroom apartment. Hurray! La Quinta Inn conspired to prevent me from blogging. The taped together modem finally gave.

Here are the highlights of my last two days there:

1) The keynote by Frank Warren of Post Secret was the opposite mood of the angry Facebook sadness of the day before. People were crying and smiling and hugging. A man went on stage and proposed to his girlfriend! (She said yes) A woman cried and asked for support for her sister who was ill. Charitable donations! Hugs!

He read an interesting SXSW secret (there were drop boxes and blank post cards around the convention center): "I work for a large company that sent me here to steal ideas from startups. I am pretending to be a freelancer." Yuck.

2)I went to a party where someone who was talking to Scoble stopped to come talk to me. It could have been because I was near the food. But I will pretend like it was because I am more interesting and don't look like Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

3) At one point, I was talking to four men at the same time who were all over 6'3". It wasn't a romantic situation at all. (Sorry, internet) However, in a world where everyone (including me) is so damned short, it was pretty awesome.

4) I kept being surprised that people saw me as a "woman in the tech industry" after I told them what I do for a living. I think it's the glasses and lack of makeup, or maybe that I don't dress very stylishly. Apparently, I am facing great odds in a man's world. My job is to communicate things to people and support them, when it comes down to it. Sounds like "woman's work" to me. When I would downplay my technical knowledge (not out of modesty, but because it really is not my area of expertise, especially compared with most of the conference attendees), men would tell me I was wrong and that I was indeed a tech professional and knowledgeable about these things. OK, thanks, men! (They were not hitting on me, as they all mentioned wives or girlfriends lovingly and acted like gentlemen) Don't know if that was wishful thinking on their part, politeness, if I know more than I think or a combination of all three.

5) Seriously. Don't say "Twitter" to me. Ever.

6) Two of the sites that I work with, Dooce and Confessions of a Pioneer Woman, swept the Bloggies! Heather and Jon Armstrong (Dooce) are one of my favorite working-together couples. Adorable. Many of the people from sites I work with were there serving on panels, paneling circles around the folks next to them. Woo! Team spirit! Kent Nichols, co-creator of Ask A Ninja, was one of those panel stars, man. I'm always impressed by his no-bullshit approach, humor and business acumen. Pleasure doing business with you, sir.

7) It's taken a few days for me to accept the fact that I no longer get free booze and snacks simply by walking into a place.

8) Some people are jerks about switching seats in a plane so kids and parents can sit together. What is wrong with people? I gladly moved (from an aisle to a window seat) so children and parents could be next to each other. I was rewarded by smiling adorable well-behaved children giggling and waving at me. I must say, Asian children are the best. I may be able to make one myself if I mated with someone who was at least half Asian. Or I can adopt one. I'll keep you posted.

SXSW: My day 1, when geeks attack

2008-03-09T01:00:00.000-08:00

"When will he be done talking so I can say something witty and insightful?"

photo from Flickr user oraclejulio

Prologue: Lost all perspective on the real world already. Find myself terribly annoyed that this hotel room only has wired internet access. I want to be typing this on the bed, not the desk! ethernet cables are bossy. Wireless rocks!

Today's Little Marshy SXSW update:

1) Know it's Day Light Saving time in a different time zone and yet somehow manage to screw up the whole time and clocks thing. Because of this, grooming suffers. Bad hair all day long.

2) SXSW drinking game: Take a shot whenever any one says "Twitter" or "Scoble." On second thought, don't, or else you will have to go to the hospital for alcohol poisoning.

3) Thought sequence as I entered the first panel room: Everyone seems to know each other. I am an outsider! No one wants to talk to me except my co-workers, and even then probably just because they have to. The company should have had someone who knows people attend in my place. (Five seconds later Joel Johnson of Boing Boing waves me over.) Oh. I guess I probably know a lot of people here.

First panel of the day, titled "I'm Internet Famous," discussed status symbols of social media and microcelebrity. Way too much talk about Twitter. I decide then and there that I am not going to Twitter ever. Coincidentally, group decides that rejecting Twitter is in and of itself a status marker. Head explodes and then reconstitutes. Is that Julia Allison? It is. Who are these other people claiming the internet knows who they are? Dunno.

4) The infamous Mark Zuckerberg keynote (pictured above)! Dude. People were ready to bitch slap Sarah Lacy. She treated Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg like he was a bad interviewee. Maybe he would have been. We'll never know because she didn't actually ask him many questions. She would make her own observation about Facebook for about 2 minutes and then follow it with a closed-ended question such as "Is that a fair assessment?" And then when he tried to say more than seven words, she would interrupt him and talk more. The internet is full of people who went into greater detail than I. I will just add this first-hand tidbit: Yes, I did see people on iPhones and laptops Twittering, blogging, IMing, etc. about how terrible she was while she was still talking. And, yes, I did hear people actually say they were going to hunt her down afterward and yell at her. Favorite thing someone said to me about it: "On top of being rude to him, she really looked and acted like she wanted to shag him."

5) Talk by Kathy Sierra. I do have opinions about it, but only boring professional ones. I like her a lot.

6) Barbecue break! I went to Stubb's and got some pork ribs and a beer. Yum. Friendly Austin people said friendly things to me. They want us all to visit their city, even if we all come at the same time and roam their streets wearing conference badges.

7) Pre-Web-Awards party and then the Web Awards. Comedian Eugene Mirman (the apartment super on Flight of the Conchords, to me) hosts. The Ninja of Ask A Ninja accepts on behalf of anyone who isn't there to accept the award. Perhaps he should have accepted on everyone's behalf?

8) Gawker party = free beer

9) PBS/Wired party at the Austin City Limits set. Morgan Spurlock is there and I almost talk to him. He and I have met before, when he was a keynote at a Project Censored awards ceremony. But I am certain it is not my own warped modesty that makes me think he won't remember me. Instead I let him bump into me and then I go closer to the stage to watch The Spinto Band. I liked them a lot. I also liked the free margarita.

While I did not talk to Spurlock, I did talk to Natalie Zee Drieu of Craft and Diana Eng, a designer who was on season 2 of "Project Runway." Super cool! They are working on a book together about the intersection of fashion and technology. One cool thing Eng has made was a camera connected to a heartbeat monitor you wear so that it could take photos of all the things that made your heart race with excitement. So cool.

Tidbit: I can see why a lot of the college kids at this conference are tempted to quit school. I told a couple not to be a fool and to stay in school. I am not sure how convincing I was.

SXSW: Day 0.5, fork of danger!

2008-03-08T20:15:00.000-08:00

I am in Austin for South By Southwest Interactive right now. I officially become a conference attendee tomorrow.

The chronology:

1) Get to Oakland airport at 9:00 a.m. for 11 a.m. flight. This is the earliest I've been for a flight that my mother didn't accompany me on.

2) Eat breakfast at airport Mexican restaurant. Lots of people drinking lots of booze. I don't think they were from time zones that justified this. It was before 10 a.m.!

3) Restaurant gave me a metal fork but a plastic knife. I am pretty sure a fork is more dangerous than a butter knife. I'll stab you with both and let you be the judge if you don't believe me.

4) Stop over in Las Vegas airport. Even the airport in Vegas is weird. Resist urge to play slots and go to the oxygen bar.

5) Finally get to Austin at dinner time. Cab driver is named "Rain" and plays "guess what Marcia's ethnic background is." Cab drivers the nation over love this game. They always guess: Italian, Jewish, Greek ... in that order. They are wrong.

6) See scads of SXSW attendees wearing badges. I can spot the ones from San Francisco easily. Do I look like I'm from San Francisco? I am wearing a hip-ish novelty tee (Atari ... how quaint) and sneakers along with a nice corduroy jacket, so probably.

7) Get to hotel. Find that the door to my room has a special trick to opening it. Desk clerk tries to teach me the trick and I'm just not getting it. Since it is the last available room in the hotel (and the last available one in the area under $400 a night), she suggests I call the front desk every time I want to re-enter my room if I can't open the door, clearly wondering why I can't just learn this trick that she thinks is really easy. The pressure of this strange woman watching me be unable to open a door makes me visibly annoyed. She assures me that all the doors are like this and that it makes the rooms safer. "But I have a key and I can't get in," I whine, carrying 40 pounds of luggage on my back and shoulders. "Don't be frustrated," she says. Why not? This is frustrating! "I just got in from a flight. I'm sure I can deal with this later," I say. "Why don't you go in and take a nap?" she suggests. NO! I HATE NAPS! Instead I go online and whine to Facebook about it. What now, La Quinta Inn? What now?

8) I walk downtown and go to restaurant after consulting with Justin Maps (TM) via phone. Group of singing college kids in fake mustaches hands me a fake mustache. Margarita makes me feel better. I order jambalaya. Nice stranger men who tell me right away they are married SXSW attendees befriend me and drink tequila with me. They have heard of my company so I don't have to explain what I do while tired. Austin people are also friendly.

9) Opt for going to the hotel to be with the internet around 10 p.m. Won't be making that decision the rest of the week, so I decided to be prudent today and today alone. Look out!

Conclusion: I have two beds and plan to jump on one of them. Whimsy!

Call this number for Internet sales!

2008-03-03T20:35:00.000-08:00

I am buying a new car, and it is hilarious. Well, it is hilarious when I am not busy being annoyed by it. I hate negotiating. I know about the Internet, so I looked up what the going local price was for the car I want, Honda Fit, as well as what the factory invoice price is.

I e-mailed a local dealership and was pretty blunt about:
a) not wanting to talk on the phone or come in again (I already came in to test drive)
b) how much I thought was reasonable to pay and why it was reasonable
c) the fact that I am paying cash and therefore just want to know what the bottom line price is

They replied with a strangely worded e-mail that didn't really seem to be responding to anything I said. I can be pretty tough about this shit when I want to. But in this case, I think I am going to ignore them for a while and try some other dealership.

After the series of poor e-mail communications from the first Honda dealership, I looked up the next closest one. And, hey, they have an "Internet department." Rad. Of course, the only way to contact the Internet sales department is by calling or faxing them.

Honda dealers: I will come to you Friday with a check in the amount we agree upon if you just answer my questions clearly via e-mail, my preferred method of communication. I don't want to talk to you!

This is going to become more common, car dealers. So learn to fleece people online if they don't want to come in person. Not everyone on the Internet will be as cheap-ass as me. There is money to be made if you just learn to use your people skills in writing. Also, spell check couldn't hurt. I'm just saying.

Oh, YouTube

2008-03-02T12:33:00.000-08:00

Are you feeling down? Maybe you need a baby to sing "Hey, Jude" to you. Here goes:

If you can't see the embedded video, go here to watch.

Ain't no party like a tea party

2008-02-22T16:40:00.000-08:00

Look at us, having a proper tea. Note my raised pinkie.

Saturday (gosh, like a week ago now) I went to a ladies' team with Joy, Krista and Stephanie at the Secret Garden Tea Room in San Francisco. Delightful! Normally, I'm not into hot beverages. But the Victorian Vanilla tea I had was exactly the right balance of flavors and exactly the right temperature. One lump or two? I said that like 90 times because it's fun to say.

I enjoy eating a wide variety of tiny delicious things, which is what our tea party was all about. I am a firm believer in small plates, tapas or whatever you want to call them in your hoity toity language. I call them tiny delicious things. I am not a touchy feely symbolism person. However, I do think two or more people sharing food from a bunch of plates and eating the same thing is good for relationships. Tea friends!

They had this awesome curried egg sandwich and tiny cakes and cream and scones. And! And! I didn't think I could get full off such adorable food, but I did.

What will our next theme be? Something delicious I bet.

You can see more pictures and read more about it on Joy and Stephanie's blogs.

Comedy is hard, dude. Make an effort.

2008-02-15T05:09:00.000-08:00

I'm just getting to watching "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip," the drama about a Saturday-Night-Live-type comedy. One of the many reasons it didn't last is that the comedy show within a show was not funny. That would be fine if the whole premise of the show weren't watching a comedy show return to its former brilliance and wit. The sketches on the show within a show were typical SNL fare.

One of the comedy ideas on "Studio 60" was "Dolphin Girl," a girl who makes dolphin noises when she gets nervous. Sound like something a high school girl would come up with? It is! I did theater in high school. Every year we did a sketch comedy show. One year my friend Tracy and I came up with a character for her ... Dolphin Girl ... who got nervous when I introduced her to a boy and she made dolphin noises.

Now, I'm not saying Aaron Sorkin stole an idea from us. Although, that would be really funny. But I am saying if you're going to denounce the shabby state of comedy in typical Sorkinesque semi-self-righteousness, then you should suck it up and hire some comedy writers so that your show within a show doesn't seem like it was written by two high school girls 15 years ago.

Sorkin's Dolphin Girl was named Leona. Although Leona was not in Dolphin Girl, she did go to high school with me. So for a second I thought someone I went to high school with was a writer on "Studio 60" and was giving us a shout out. Or secretly hated us and was mocking us on TV.

I haven't finished watching all the episodes. But if there is a sketch about TV psychics, one of whom channels people who are still alive, or a sketch about three cheerleaders who can't spell, one of whom is a grunge cheerleader who misspells things ironically* ... then I will know that I've been plagiarized for reals!

*The joke was we were doing the cheer "Go, Fight, Win" and the first cheerleader holds up a sign that says "Goe!" The second cheerleader holds up a sign that says "Fite!" and the third cheerleader is all alternative grunged out in combat boots and all (it was the early '90s, people) and holds up a sign that says "Nguyen!" (pronounced "Win" -- get it?) and then we jumped around and said "Goooooo, Estancia Badminton team!" (We had a badminton team, comprised almost entirely of students of Vietnamese heritage. Edgy!)

Eating is fun. Eating is serious.

2008-02-11T20:06:00.000-08:00

I am very thin. Naturally. I come from thin parents who came from thin parents. I know my metabolism will slow down when I get older, but it hasn't yet. This means that my foot-tapping fidgetyness burns calories. This means that if I get nervous and can't eat, I will lose weight. This means that if I get really active or busy, I will lose weight. This means if I get sick for a prolonged period, I will lose weight.

Recently, I lost quite a bit of weight. Recently, as in the last two weeks or so. And quite a bit of weight as in about 8 pounds. That is a lot! But I finally hit the wall on that and now my body wants that weight back. One thing about me, for better or worse, is that I listen to my body. If it is hungry for something, I will eat it. And so now it is hungry for FAT. Must have fat!

I did, in fact, go to KFC this weekend and get the four wing meal with mashed potatoes. They were out of biscuits, so they gave me mac and cheese. Normally, eating that would make me sick. It did not. It felt so right. The next day at the store, all I wanted to do was buy weird American-style casserole meals. I had never had beef stroganoff before. But suddenly it sounded delicious! Tuna casserole? I think it's been at least 15 years since I've had that. But I needed it! And suddenly meatloaf seemed like the best invention ever. It's like eating a giant meatball! Hot dogs? I should probably keep those around the house in case I need them. Mashed potatoes and gravy ... duh. I don't have much of a sweet tooth, so I didn't have a craving for things suspended in Jell-O, which would have fit in beautifully with the "Food of the '70s" theme my body seems to be in love with.

This may sound like comfort food to some people. But it isn't to me. I didn't grow up with these foods. Asian soups and noodly things are what feel like comfort food to me. I'm from California on top of being part Asian. So creamy casseroles do not feel like home to me.

Sunday I cooked beef stroganoff while my meatloaf was in the oven and the potatoes were a-boiling. I ate both things. Today at work, I abruptly left at 5 to get French fries. And more meatloaf once I got home.

I hope I'm over this, because while I wouldn't mind gaining 10 or 15 pounds, I would mind breaking out and looking like I rubbed fried chicken all over my face.

And in case you were wondering: No, I am not pregnant. Not even a little.

Pretentious Internet Project: BETA

2008-02-09T12:12:00.000-08:00

What does a sexy, successful, smart woman do on a Friday night? Why, it's the start of the great Google screenshot project of 2008. Enjoy.

Thanks a lot, Facebook

2008-02-05T06:00:00.000-08:00

Since I am in the biz* ... I know the Facebook ads that run along side our profiles and home pages are about as targeted as shrapnel. So I'll try not to take this one too personally.

First of all, I'm only 31. Second of all, the people in this ad actually look older than me. Third of all, I already have the looks, health and energy of a robust young adult, thankyouverymuch.

On a businessy note: Really, Facebook? Way to tell the world your ad space is worthless. Ads for scam "natural supplements"? At the very least you could have promised to give me a free iPod or a bigger penis. People like iPods and penises.

* So, what does my company do on Facebook? Read about it on the LA Times blog.

Dear Hidey Neighbor

2008-02-04T18:56:00.000-08:00

Dear Hidey Neighbor,

I think you've lived here for a couple months now, and we still haven't met. You seem to leave for work after I do and get home much later than I do. I am pretty sure you are a man.

I am good at the awkward "Hi, nice to meet you even though I am supposed to already know who you are." But I am slowly coming to resent you because there is some bad music and weird noises and smells that I am pretty sure are attributable to you. So now, if I did meet you two months too late, I'd probably be all bitter and snotty in addition to awkward.

Are you the one who plays bad recordings of bad classical music performed by what sounds like angry monkeys and slow children? Are you the one who sings along to the same indecipherable country song seven times in a row? Are you the one who burned hamster shavings or something else stinky that made the hallway reek? Are you the one who does something squeaky by my front door every day? Are you depressed?

These are the things I would wonder if we ever met. And when I try to hide that I am wondering things I make a dumb little deer face and my eyes dart around like I am Richard Nixon. So then you would know I curse you and your giant car that is hard to get around in the parking lot some mornings.

Maybe you are hiding because you know how much I've come to resent you.

Love,
Marcia

PS - I am not crazy.

Sort of broken computer

2008-01-28T20:59:00.000-08:00

I am typing this from my worky computer. Can you tell? Probably not. My homey computer is compromised. I dropped it while it was plugged in and the plug broke off inside the plug hole then the battery ran out. What does this mean to you? It means you won't be able to see my Yosemite pictures because I have no way to get them to the Internet. Sad, no? Not really, as my friends are better photographers than I and have posted some photos here and here.

Here is a photo of all of us looking snowy and adorable in front of our cabin-tent thing:

It was my second time being in snow (third if you count when I was a baby and my mom took me to Big Bear).

You should be impressed by us because we showshoed for 8 miles on what turned out to be an expert trail. And we didn't even die! In fact, quite the opposite. We lived, oh how we lived. In between the hardcore walkin', during which I turned off my brain and powered through, we stopped and had the Great Winter Hot Dog Picnic of 2008. I am a firm believer in food rewards during hikes.

The views were amazing. Now I understand why people walk up hill!

Now I have to go to Yellowstone. Wait. Is that a real park or is that the park from the Yogi Bear cartoons? No, that was Jellystone. Yellowstone is real. Wanna go?

UPDATE: Justin has added posts about this trip here and here.