Star's Front Porch

Happy News!

2008-08-13T19:47:00.002-04:00

Wonderful news...I have a new faerygodbaby. Hailey Rene was born last night. I saw her today. She is beautiful. There is nothing better than holding a brand new life to make the world seem like an okay place. And for those who are keeping track, Hailey is my ninth godbaby.

Catching up

2008-07-22T08:19:00.004-04:00

Okay, so I've been really bad about blogging. To be fair, I've been very, very busy. So here is the latest:
The 4th of July weekend went off almost perfectly. We had over 10,000 visitors to the Wall. Visitors came from all over New England. Many were vets who were thrilled to have the Wall be near home. One visitor was a Gold Star mother. She visits the traveling walls anytime they are near her home in VT. She always brings a bouquet of flowers and a note for her son. Then she has someone else place them at the Wall for her. She can't look at his name, even after all these years. She told me she's just not ready to give him up yet. There are lots more stories, I just can't quite write them down yet.

My grad school classes are done, projects aren't. Okay, one is all done. The other two are in the process of being worked on. The cool thing about Antioch is I do not have to do traditional work. I swear if I had had to write a research paper this summer I was going to hurt someone. So I created a handbook on working with teens in group settings. It's called "Herding Cats" (For those of you who know my kids at the NET, you understand). My other projects are illustrating and writing a book for kids on salt marshes (my favorite type of wetland) and doing a monitoring visit and an easement proposal. Do I know how to have fun or what?

The other project will be my authentication project for my practicum. Since I don't finish teaching until August 7th, I'm not worrying about that until the 8th. Then, I'll work on the curriculum. UGH! (I hate curriculum development, it is evil).

With any luck, I will have the details of my fall and spring practicum ironed out today. Though I'm still awaiting official word that I have been selected to be the student editor for the 2009 edition of the Whole Terrain Journal. We'll see after today what is what.

My garden is growing well, despite it's very late start. I expect to have the first harvests from it in the next week or so. My rosemary plant is thriving. Apparently, I can only grow them outdoors. I do have to spend a little time weeding and hoeing up the plants. I have to wrangle up red worms too, so we can start vermiculture composting in the house (Don't tell Rowan). Inside, my jasmine plant is also blossoming for the second time this year. I'm very excited since it usually only gets flowers every 18 months or so. Of course now I have to wait again to repot it. It needs a larger pot and a sturdier trellis to grow up.

Other than that, I've been taking lots of naps. For some reason, I'm not tolerating the heat very well this summer. By 8:00 in the morning, I'm generally saying it is too hot (Yes, I know, frightening isn't it?). I blame it on associating with so many snow faeries. (You know who you are) They must be rubbing off on me. Bad faeries! I just need to hang out with my dark faeries once school is back in session. They will counter the evil snow effects. Maybe we can even conjure up an Indian Summer. Hee!

The Wall That Heals

2008-07-02T08:02:00.004-04:00

I know I've been bad about updating. School, teaching and getting for the Wall That Heals has sucked up all my time. The good news, it is finally here!

The Wall arrived yesterday afternoon. The trailer was escorted from Ascutney Vt into Newport by the Sullivan County Sheriff's' Dept. (Thank you Sheriff Prozzo and Deputy Sheriff Batista) as well as by member of the American Legion Riders and Rolling Thunder NH Chapter 1. I was there as well to get some photos before running off to get photos of it coming in at Parlin Field. (We won't talk about how fast I had to drive to pull that off....wait, I forgot, I didn't drive fast, I just hit the transdimensional portals on the back roads...yeah...that's it!) I got some great photos, which I will post as soon as I get them developed.

What I didn't expect was how I felt. I've been focusing on what needs to be done. When I saw it was really here, the first thought that popped into my head is I wish Daddy was here to see it. And then I realized, if he was, likely I wouldn't have been involved in any of this. Strange but true. I had a rough time with it yesterday. Luckily it passed.

It's not a bad thing to know that part of who you are now is informed by events in your life that were beyond your control. It's all about what you do with it. I can only hope, Daddy is happy what I've done with this.

In case I don't have a chance to update again during the weekend, everyone please have a safe and happy 4th of July. Make sure to hug your friends and family. And remember, our freedom was not nor is now, free.

Happy 1st Day of Summer

2008-06-20T10:35:00.004-04:00

I've been very, very busy. Plus I've been making sure I get enough sleep so my brain actually works sort of how it is supposed to... I wanted to wish everyone a happy first day of summer. I'll post more later about what I've been doing and upcoming plans. For anyone in the area, don't forget the opening ceremony for the Wall that Heals event in Newport is July 3 at 11:00 am. Guess who one of the speakers is? Hugs and kisses to all!

Life Lessons

2008-05-22T19:18:00.002-04:00

As you know from an earlier blog, my best friend's dad died two weeks ago. It was both expected and unexpected. Losing him shook me up, but I found some measure of peace with it because I had enough warning that I could say goodbye to the man I had loved like a father for the past twenty five years.

Last night, I found out a member of RT Chapter 1 was killed in a motorcycle accident. She was about my age. I'd met her a few times and was looking forward to getting to know her better this weekend at the DC events. In a split second, any number of lives were altered. The email Doc sent out informing all of us, closed with a reminder to tell those we hold in our thoughts that we love them, and give them a hug.

You never know when your time or theirs will be up. We often put off telling people how much they mean to us and we shouldn't. So for all of you who read my blog, I love you. Here's your hug.

Touching Base

2008-05-20T00:05:00.003-04:00

I've been neglecting posting for a few days. Between trying to finish up papers, write a speech for Memorial Day, and all the other stuff that has been going on, I just haven't had time. Life has been fairly hectic lately. I'm hoping things will calm down long enough for me to at least get caught up on things before the summer insanity starts. Though I do think I've nailed the schedule down fairly well. I'll have to wait and see if it really works the way I think it will.

In the meantime, I will be finishing the immediate things up before I run away on Friday. This weekend is the annual Memorial Day trip to DC. It looks to be sunny and in the 70's the whole trip. Great weather, good friends, and lots and lots of motorcycles. What more could a girl want? Okay, there are a few things, but I don't think I'll look for them in DC.

If I don't have a chance to write again before I leave, I want to let all my friends that are veterans, that I'll be thinking of you this weekend, especially the guys from Hotel Company, and my fellow RT folks, especially the Rollins family. Everyone please have a safe weekend!

Sad news

2008-05-08T15:24:00.002-04:00

For those who don't know yet, my best friend's dad passed away yesterday afternoon. Right now I'm just trying to get through the next couple of days supporting her and the rest of the family. Please add them to your prayers, thoughts, etc.

Just a quick note

2008-04-29T21:36:00.005-04:00

I wanted to let everyone know I made it home safe and sound from my travels to DC with the kids. I had planned to relax...yeah right. Let's just say things were interesting...like the Chinese curse..."May you live in interesting times"...interesting. Apparently from a note I received, it got more interesting after I left.

Anyhoo...I'm home. I'm tired and very sore. I'm going to soak in a hot bath and go to bed. Jet will be wanting to take her walk in the morning and I have an environmental art project to complete before I have to take it to Keene in the evening. UGH!

At least there are only 2 more weeks to school. Then maybe I can get in some of that relaxation time.

And the craziness just keeps coming...

2008-04-25T11:34:00.003-04:00

I decided to take a couple of minutes to blog over lunch. I figured if I didn't post something soon, I would start getting the emails asking if I was still breathing. So for all my friends...still breathing, life is still crazy, but the sun is shining and I'm feeling pretty good about life in general. Could just be the change in treatment, but hey, whatever it takes!

I'm trying to get all my stuff together and complete. The semester ends in a couple of weeks. ACK! Plus, I'm teaching programs, classes, etc. Next week is school vacation. Normally I'd use the week to get all my work done. We all know how well I do normal. So instead, I will be helping with the clean up at a Veteran's cemetery on Saturday, going to study my Flora community site, then packing. I leave for DC at 4:00 am on Sunday. The kids from the NET are going, so I'm going down too for a couple days to be with them.

The plan is to fly home Tuesday afternoon, drive home and start in on whatever projects are due for school that week. Hopefully, by the time I get back the books I'm waiting for will have arrived. That's what I'm praying for, so I don't have to ask for an extension.

In the meantime, I'm off to play with RT and then my kids. I may drop off the radar completely, but don't worry, I'm still breathing and I'm planning on actually RELAXING for a couple of days. (And no I have not been possessed or taken over by aliens) I'll update on the rest of my life next week.

Busy weekend

2008-04-20T20:47:00.002-04:00

It has been a busy weekend. Not because I was doing homework. That would just be silly. Instead, I took the weekend off, sort of. I drove to Chelsea for the CPR/First Aid training through Rolling Thunder. The training was good, as was the company. It's always fun to hang out with people with the same warped sense of humor that I have. Scary as that thought is.

Driving is Massachusetts, not so much fun. I ended up getting turned around trying to get out of Chelsea. I finally drove into Boston to Logan and home from there. I stopped in Concord to pick up supplies for my final art project (does that count as homework?). I made into Newport just in time for 4pm mass. Made a couple of family visits along the way home. Once home, I vegged in front of the TV, emailed some and went to bed early. Mainly because I had to get up early. We had to walk Jet before going to Keene to do a 5K.

The roomie and I both did the race in under 40 minutes. Not to bad since I'm completely out of shape. I'm really working on eating better. After the race, we did some shopping, came home, and did pretty much nothing the rest of the day. I actually feel relaxed. At least that is what I think this feeling is...it could be a imbalance from the fresh air, sunlight and exercise.

I'm just thankful to be feeling better. My mood is leveling off and I'm focusing on here and now as much as I can to reduce my stress. And I actually have been having some fun while doing something constructive. This could be the start of a new trend.

One down...

2008-04-16T20:55:00.003-04:00

Tonight was the last night of foster parent training for the Spring session. In some ways, it was a very short 5 weeks and in others, it went on forever, or so it seemed. I am very pleased with this group. I think they are all going to be wonderful foster parents. I'm glad I had the chance to be part of their preparation for that. I'm also glad it in finished. It means I have a couple of nights now at home. I can cook a decent meal, do some homework and get to bed earlier than I have been. I'm tired. It's not the exhaustion that comes from fighting with my demons. It's just being on the run so much.

Things are still chaotic around me. My schedule is still crazy. I'm working on what I can control and not control in all of this...necessary in demon fighting. I'm also working on why I keep myself so busy. I've always assumed it was so I didn't have to face my depression and anxiety. That would be easy. In reality, those demons are actually angels in disguise...they are my warning system that things internally and externally are really out of whack. I wish I could say it was more the external stuff, but it's not, at least not at this stage in my life.

In general, I'm at a stage where I'm realizing I have alot of regrets...mainly things I haven't accomplished more that things I have done, though there are a few of those in the mix. Part of me knows some of them are still possible. Some I feel may be beyond me at this point. Of course the tricky part is figuring out what I can still do and be able to do it while also managing my life so it's not making me feel crazy.

This is where I'm getting fouled up right now. There are many things I would like to do and could do. Except, my self confidence has taken some serious hits the past couple of years with the depression and anxiety flair ups. I'm more afraid of those getting really bad again than anything else in my life. Each one has felt worse than the last and felt like it took longer to bounce back from. I know it is mainly my perception of the past couple of years, that I'm actually handling everything in a much healthier way than before. I just don't feel it...at least not yet.

In a round about way, what led me to thinking about this tonight was something Father McHugh (the priest at mass, not my stepdad) said this morning during the prayers. He asked God for the grace to surmount the suffering we experience when we act toward a higher good. I've been talking to some of my kids about something similar. We like to think doing the right thing, for ourselves or others, will be easy and pain free. I don't believe that is true. Quite the opposite, I believe that doing what we know is right in our hearts is often the most difficult and painful thing we can do. What makes the difference is the grace we receive when we follow our heart's true calling. That is when all the suffering has been worth it. It is bittersweet, but then so is life.

Sunshine...finally

2008-04-15T22:03:00.003-04:00

We have finally had a really sunny day! And the promise of more to come and warm temperatures. Maybe spring is really here. Thank heavens. Much more cold and cloudy weather would push me right over the edge.

I succeeded in getting the classes I want for the summer. I may be able to expand my practicum into a 4 credit instead of a 2. Then I would be half way done with my total practicum credits. Have to work on the plan so it will work. It was worth staying up late last night just to get this all taken care of. The summer will also mean I have more free time in spots. Not all the spots connect, but that is okay. Give me too much free time or horror of horrors, a real vacation, I get weird ...in the bad way. Most of the time I'm just weird, in a cute and mildly obnoxious way. It comes from working with teens all these years. (That is my story and I am sticking to it)

I decided I need to do something to start building in some free time. People keeps telling me I need to get more rest. This is coming from people who haven't physically seen me looking like the undead so I'm guessing it's one of those cosmic signs. The ones that turn into 2x4's to the head, though in my case, I'm fairly sure the guardian angels go straight to the steel reinforced 4x4's. Hey,I can admit I'm stubborn. It's part of my charm. I'm working on being a little more open to the suggestions from beyond ( and occasional people). Nowadays, it only takes two or three hits to the head. See, progress.

On the note of progress and taking proper care of myself, I'm off to bed. I'm going to mass in the morning. Lots of my people needing prayers these days. With everything going on around me, let alone in my head, I need the grounding that I get at mass. I'm praying the sunlight and warmth continue. I think it will help alot of people feel better, including me.

Joys of Grad School

2008-04-14T23:17:00.002-04:00

It has been a crazy day. Got lots done this morning. Then I was off to get a massage...my body feels much better now. Then I flew (I'm pretty sure the car left the ground at least once) to the Teen Center with kiddos having meltdowns all over the place and then I rushed to Vermont to train foster parents on the joys of? Adolescents! I didn't see home again until 9:30 pm. I should be exhausted...wait, I am exhausted. So why am I up at this insane hour, especially since I have an 8:00am meeting. Because I'm crazy? Well, I am slightly more touched by the Divine than some, I'm trying to learn to just go with it. But that isn't the reason I am still awake at this hour. Oh no, it's far more twisted than that, it's all because of grad school.

Some people might think I was up this late doing homework since it is almost the end of the semester. Those of you who know me well know how funny that thought really is. No, I'm waiting until 12:01 am on April 15th to register for my summer courses. Normally I would just do it tomorrow morning.However, there are two classes that everyone I know is trying to get into, so I have to register as early as possible. Sadly, that is 12:01 in the morning. Who says folks in the registration office don't have a warped sense of humor obviously does not attend Antioch.

As a result, I'm typing away here. I've already packed my bag for my morning meeting and gathered together my materials for my Tuesday night class. (Be very afraid people) I have also put away all the clean dishes, emptied the dirty ones into the dishwasher, switched over my laundry and started another load. Times like this I scare myself. One of these days I might actually begin to think I'm an organized, responsible adult. Ackkkk! The horror of it.

Thank goodness for angels

2008-04-13T20:55:00.002-04:00

I haven't written in a few days. My schedule has been very full, as usual. In some ways it has been a blessing. I had class this weekend. It forced me to do some work. Most importantly, it got me outside both days. That combined with a concerted effort to get enough sleep and eat better, as well as a medication shift has greatly improved my mood.

A few other things have helped. I've had a few visitations from doves the past few days. Always a good sign. The other came via a little brown bird I know. In a chat we had during one of my not so hot days, she told me to pay attention to signs, especially at mass (I'm mainly Irish and Italian...what else would you expect?). Strangely enough I made it to mass this week, because my class schedule changed due to a shift in the weather report. And the message? Don't give up and stay on track. Simple and to the point.

Lucky for me, I have angels watching over me.

The Blahs

2008-04-08T22:36:00.003-04:00

I'm not even sure what to write. I'm here tonight mainly because I can't sleep. Not because of too much caffeine. I wish it was that. I haven't even finished the cup of team I made when I got home from work. My brain just won't slow down.

Instead it's a combination of feeling overwhelmed and numb, at the same time, if that makes any sense. I had hoped the sun and the warm weather would help to lift my mood some, get it out of the root cellar it seems to be hiding in. But no such luck. If anything, I feel worse because I can't really seem to enjoy it. I can cope so long as I'm doing something...something other than homework that is, which is adding to my anxiety and so on and so forth. Put it all together and I'm a mess...one with inhibited executive functioning.

The really crazy part...things should be fine, going according to plan. Except they aren't. Makes me wonder if I'm on the wrong plan...or the wrong timetable or something. All I know is I have to make some significant changes before this gets anymore out of control. I'm just not sure I trust myself to figure out what is the best thing for me right now. Following through on what is best for me...whole other issue.

Right now, some clear guidance and a little help would make a world of difference. Guess I'll have to wait for my guardian angel to get back from coffee break.

Brain in Rebellion

2008-04-06T22:42:00.003-04:00

I haven't written here for a few days. Some of the reason is I've been incredibly busy. The other reason...my brain has decided to raise its own little rebellion. Basically, my anxiety attacks are coming daily and the depression is back. I've tried to explain to the brain that this is not a convenient time to do this. I have professional responsibilities plus it is almost the end of the semester. My brains response? Another anxiety attack and not being able to spell simple words...like "the". Cute, huh?

I'm being very responsible and taking the necessary medications. My other tricks to help...not really working. It might have something with my language center being out to lunch at the moment. Simple conversations are challenging...I can't track them very well and words keep escaping me. I know what I want to say...the words just run away before I can speak. Not a good thing when I have presentations to give and papers to write.

So I'm falling back on some other tricks. I went to church, late mass, but I still made it. I did some painting this evening. I ate one healthy meal today and I decided to not do two of the things I wanted to do today. I hated it, but I know I've already pushed myself about as far as I can. I did discover something interesting about my language issues though. Apparently it doesn't apply to prayer. I spent part of a recent car ride trying to stay, okay not calm, I was way beyond that, but at least level enough to get where I needed to get. I recited the Lord's Prayer, the Hail Mary and the Prayer to St. Micheal over and over again. Apparently they are in the subconscious deep enough that the anxiety can't touch them. Lucky for me, because God knows I wasn't capable of coming up with any of my own prayers at that point.

Of course, I should be in bed at this hour since sleep is one of those key elements to sanity. It would help if I was tired, but I'm not. So I will read in bed until either my alarm goes off or I fall asleep. And I'll say a prayer that this passes quickly. Here's hope, I only spelled one word wrong while writing this...okay I spelled alot of them wrong, I only missed fixing one on my own.

A little woohoo!

2008-04-01T23:34:00.003-04:00

I just arrived safely home from my Rolling Thunder chapter meeting. After two plus hours of driving through fog....lots and lots of heavy fog (let's just say someone is in trouble for that one), then torrential downpours, thunder and lightening and then surprise...more fog. (You know who you are...I expect chocolate).

Anyhoo...the little woohoo? I got my boot patch and my first cookie. Yay me! Of course, now I have to get a leather vest. I'd get a jacket, but it will be too hot to wear in DC for the RT events over Memorial Day.

I'm off to sleep (I hope). Up early again tomorrow. Is is July 2009 yet?

Clouds just won't clear out

2008-04-01T11:01:00.002-04:00

It's one of those days. Outside, it is grey. The sky, the fog, everything. Inside, my mood fits. I even inadvertently put on a grey sweater as I ran out to a morning meeting. Not a good sign. I wish the clouds would clear already, outside and especially in my head.

Of course the part that really sucks...I did this one to myself...again. I've been pushing myself like crazy for weeks. Add juggling events that came up spur of the moment, and it really goes downhill from there. The worst part, I still have two and a half weeks before my schedule opens up even a little. Actually, that is the second worst part, the real worst part, I'm having to fight with myself to not start adding other things in. And I'm not talking about fun things either. Ugh!

Oh well. In the meantime, I have to finish the laundry, take a shower, get ready for work, etc. Have to remember to gas the car too. I've managed to forget three times now. I do it again, I'll be stranded on my way to tonight's meeting. Maybe while I'm doing that I can get the cats to do my homework. They keep taking over my desk chair, seems only fair they do the homework sitting there.

Busy Sunday

2008-03-30T20:43:00.003-04:00

It is almost time to go to bed...according to Jet at least. I'm not terribly tired. Over the past two days I've slept about 26 hours. I guess I was more tired than I realized. As a result, I missed the Gold Star Mother Memorial dedication this morning. I did make it to the lecture on Agent Orange. It was an amazing presentation. I'll go into another time for all my Vietnam Vet readers. I made some great contacts for work on my paper, plus I hooked up with another RT member going to the funeral tomorrow, so now I don't have to do four hours of driving. Plus, I found another route to RT meetings in Epping, which will save a little time.

I got home around 6:00 with groceries and a larger watercolor pad. I made dinner and vegged on the couch. The roomie wouldn't let me have tea. She's holding me to cutting back on caffeine. Why did I tell her again? I also got to watch Jet kiss the dog on the TV screen. Really. Like I've said, she's touched. The roomie has decided to help work Jet (since she is a working dog breed) that she's going to get her a dog back pack so she can carry her own stuff on walks. Of course, she'll act all sad and pathetic, sort of like she is right now (it's bedtime in her reality).

The other good news, Noreen is in Saigon and there have been no new cirsis with the kiddos (knock wood). I'm off to bed so I'm rested for tomorrow.

Headless duckies and other highlights from today

2008-03-28T21:10:00.004-04:00

It snowed, just not quite how I wished. Not enough to cancel classes, darn it all. I think a certain snow faery had something to do with it. (Just you wait, I'm calling up mud as we speak). I made my way slowly and carefully to Keene, no 180's on Route 12 this time. I attended my first class. I think I remember some of it, too tired to really be sure. And then I turned just the wrong way and *pop* went my back. I tried to ignore it but moving rapidly became difficult and painful. Any other afternoon I would have toughed it out, but we had a quiz in the field scheduled....three hours hiking in snow and slush. I decided to not be tough. I emailed my professor and headed home to rest.

Just as I started my car, I received a text message from one of my kids...who did have a snow day from school...humph. She'd just found the guy she's crazy about with another girl. She needed talk to her "Mom" so I took the long way home to see her. Very important, when your back hurts, sitting in a drafty, cold Dunkin Donuts is not advisable, but I digress. We talked. It's hard to explain to someone who has just had her heart broken that sometimes teenage guys are jerks (Sorry to all my male friends out there) and you can still love someone even after they've hurt you, etc, etc. I got to the importance of taking care of yourself, healthy boundaries, all that stuff. She finally went home to rest with a promise to text me if she needed to talk. Last I knew, she was hurting but with friends who are taking care of her. Note to self, get my phone plan changed to unlimited texts.

I finally got home. Jet was sleeping in her crate. I took a hot bath and laid down to rest. I was up again by the time the Roomie got home. I had had a phone call about the mother of another friend being ill so the candle was lit and the prayers said. (So far, doesn't seem to be as bad as we thought, but keep your fingers crossed) While I was vegging on the couch, Jet brought me her headless duckie.

Periodically, we bring Jet stuffies to play with. The latest was a little mallard duck toy for Easter.(Yes, the dog got Easter presents too!) Like all the other stuffies, Jet decapitated the poor thing. We have just noted the headless trend. It has been suggested to us that she rips off the head first so they don't stare at her while she chews on them. See how clever she is? She is very attached to her headless toys so we have to wait until she's not looking to dispatch them properly.

Other than that, not much going on. I have a ton of homework, I need some serious sleep before the events this weekend and I'm awaiting word Noreen has made it safely to Vietnam.

Mark this date on the calendar

2008-03-27T19:29:00.003-04:00

It is supposed to snow tonight! In special deference to my buddy Dryad I'm happy to welcome the snow. Really... Aren't I a good friend?

Okay, I'm actually hoping for the snow so I don't have to go to class tomorrow. I'm tired and I haven't studied for my New England Flora test. There are no brain cells capable of retaining Latin. I want to stay curled up in bed with a mug of tea and read a book. So the more snow the better.

Bet you NEVER thought you'd hear ME say that.

I knew I forgot something...

2008-03-27T12:56:00.002-04:00

Silly me, I forgot to put sleep down on the healthy lifestyle changes. Must have been the insomnia's doing. I only got about 2 hours of sleep last night. Normally not a problem except I'm working until 9:00pm tonight and then have to study for my New England Flora quiz. Whose brilliant idea was it again to make scientific names Latin? (Don't even start Sparrow....I'll give the kids pixie sticks and Mountain Dew, and a drum set, I mean it.) Ugh!

Another round

2008-03-26T22:40:00.004-04:00

It is almost 11:00pm. I should be tucked away in bed fast asleep. Yeah, right. Instead, my latest round of insomnia has kicked in to join the anxiety attacks I've been having. Trying to change my approach though.

First off, I'm starting to wean myself off of coffee. Scary for those of you who know I generally have a Dunkin Donuts cup attached on an almost constant basis. I'm not crazy enough to quit cold turkey...no one should have to suffer through me when I do. So only one cup today. I switched to water, tea and herb tea (No I have not been taken over by an alien) I even cut the amount of sugar in my regular tea.

I'm currently researching diet changes I can make, as well as supplements that might help level things out emotionally and physically. So back to the healthy eating thing. (Though I refuse to give up chocolate...it is one of the few vices I indulge in) And now that it is warmer out and my feet are improving, I can start walking. I really want to go right back to running but I have to balance out the endorphin rush with being able to walk. So moderation (No really, I haven't been taken over by aliens)

Of course, my work schedule, including school and volunteer stuff is still nuts. I'm laying some groundwork which will make both the schedule and me more sane...I hope. But here's the real kicker. Prepare to be amazed...or frightened, whatever.

I've promised myself that for every stressful thing I do, even if it is a good thing, necessary at the moment, etc. I'm going to do something, even a little thing I enjoy and that let's me focus on the good stuff in life. So here I am writing in my blog. I just finished the second of two watercolors I'm working on for school. (Yes I'm painting Mona!) I've got seed planted and I'm researching composting and square foot gardening. I've got part of the design for my business cards sketched out. I've got lots of little stuff that makes me happy. Okay cleaning my desk isn't one of them...I figure I'll just plan a dinner party so I have to clean it to use the dining room table...otherwise known as my disaster area. The best part, is I can refocus on anyone of them when the anxiety attacks start or the insomnia hits. Thinking happy thoughts doesn't help much but doing things that make me happy seems to be a workable plan. And my brain goes happily along with it. Trixy aren't I?

PS. If anyone would like paintings, I'm happy to oblige. I'll try to post pictures once my digital camera is charged and running.

Rolling Thunder Events

2008-03-25T16:18:00.003-04:00

This Sunday is going to be crazy. The dedication of the site for the Gold Star Mother memorial is in the morning. Then there is a related event at the Epping American Legion Hall for providing information about the impact of Agent Orange on Vietnam Vets. Crazy in and of itself. But there is one more event I have to attend after that.

Monday is the funeral services for the Army medic from New Hampshire. Rolling Thunder has requested as many members attend as possible to support the family as well as a request for any other Gold Star families to attend. Lucky me, I fall into both and I have a flexible work schedule. Normally I avoid funerals, especially military funerals like the plague. But I feel I am supposed to go to this one. I don't know why. Gotta love it when that happens.

At least I can go to mass on Saturday. And now I have to sign out...before Mackenzie loses my blog.

"Only the dead have seen the end of war"

2008-03-24T14:54:00.007-04:00

I spent all weekend trying to avoid the news. All last week, the news was reporting the approaching 4000 dead mark for the war in Iraq. Discussions about what significance reaching that number will have on the war effort, the peace movement, etc. Today, the news reports spoke of the 4000 number having been reached. The war still continues as do the arguments both for and against it. The only ones who are beyond it are the dead.

It is the living who have not seen the end to it. Those who are still serving in harms way. Those whose families eagerly await emails from loved ones even as they dread the one message no one wants to receive. Those who received that message, whose hearts carry love and pain in equal measure to their loss. Those who were injured in Iraq, still trying to battle their way back to some type of normal life, those that never will. Those who stand by helpless to heal their loved ones, body mind or soul. Those who have served, returned home and yet are forever changed.

All these have been touched by war, many have stood in the shadow of death. None are the same. Not even the dead. They are merely freed from this war. So today, I pray for the dead, but even more, I pray for the living. May they find the grace and peace they need to heal from the scourge of war. May we find better paths to follow than war.