when grace goes deep in a ransomed heart

There is NO Plan B!!

2009-10-06T00:25:00.003+08:00

to say that things are fine is an understatement.. to say its a disaster is pathetic.. haha but to say that i know God is always in control no matter what things are like outside the window.. is accurate =) and that there is NO Plan B.

i only have but this to hold on to..

"God is not a man, that He should lie. Nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has he spoken, and will He not make it good?" (Num 23:10)

Go figure.

Father You are king OVER the flood, and i will be still and know You are God!!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

2009-09-20T23:10:00.012+08:00

They say that life is to be fortified by many friendships..
In these times of immense pressure, besides God, its these photos i've turned to for comfort. thank you for your support, comfort, for believing in me, your patience, kindness, faithfulness and love.

thank you all and love you very much !!!

An even more interesting happy title!!

2009-08-31T03:54:00.004+08:00

Has the title stirred up your interest to read this post? Aihh.. i do get a bit caught up in a frenzy at times.. Coz im still your crazy Michi =P

So here's a small annoncement to make but is a big impact in my life: Michi is a happy Yakid! Still very single but only available to 2 people: God, and someone else =)

To those who have known me for a long time would more or less know how big this would impact me. I'm glad that all the time spent becoming who i am is all worthwhile. This preparation even includes tolerating and embracing sweaty palms.. go figure.

From deep down i want to thank God for all these good 23 years of singlehood bliss.. and for the many other years to come to enjoy, appreciate and serve each other and most of all to love, honor, and serve God and taking care of His people together. I thank God for you =)

I'm happy happy happy happy!! =)

A more interesting title for my heart's content =P

2009-08-26T10:52:00.007+08:00

The title is titled the way its titled because it was a suggestion from a dear friend to make it sound more catchy.. lol..

Finally.. my heart's content: (its kinda long, but important. so do read till the end =P )

If to distant lands i scatter
If i sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather
'till i only dwell in Thee

If i flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'till i only dwell in Thee

If my heart has one amibtion
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision
'till i only dwell in Thee
That i only dwell in Thee
'till i ONLY DWELL THEE...!

This is my long awaited serious blog..
After all that was said and done, today the fruits are growing and showing.
After spending pieces of quality time with God, reflecting on the past months and past years.. i only have one thing to say: Thank you Jesus for everyone and everything.

Past few months had been very hard on me, but not as hard as it was on the closest darlings around me. I think it has been the hardest times of our lives! But the fact that we're still moving and breathing, proves that we are made to be much more tougher, stronger and wiser to go through everything and yet come out.. maybe burnt a bit by the 'fire', but still alive and well. (All of) You will be fine, just hang on to the ultimate Anchor and Rock.

Some have experienced a great 'loss', but i want them to know that it is nothing but the largest gain. Some lived their lives so well, and is ours to learn from... All that they were and did was for us to see and to know where their inspiration came from. Pain and grief are real to feel, but its the details in the fine print of their lives that we extract into our own that makes us stronger than we have ever been.

Some were hit by waves of confusion, indefinite situations, sleepless, pillows-soaked-wet-by-tears nights.. wondering and sometimes even to the exent of nearly getting drowned by those huge cruel waves. They seemed never ending, and you felt like you would NEVER make it out alive. But now they could step outside and began to see the bigger picture, and realize that its not so overwhelming afterall.. We can expect that people do change over time, and we cannot control them. However, we can gracefully release them to do what they want. It's our greatest gift to them and to ourselves. Now you can look back and see that it is good, and most of all, God is good.

Some have tasted and seen that God is good. They have experienced so much of Him in such short time. Honestly, i dont envy but admire them, and can't help but think that God may have been a little unfair =P But this is who God is.. not unfair =P.. but good. The past years had indeed been hard and uncertain, and even very much painful and aimless too. But if only they let Him be who He is in their lives. Expect God to show up to guide (not control) your every decision, plan and dream.. and knowww that He is what all of us say He is.. He is good. None of their lives can ever, EVER be the same again.

Some have loved much, and got hurt just as much. But they did the right thing.. they had LOVED. But to love also means risking getting hurt. We can't deny this wonderful package we have. Altho we dont expect hurt to get hurt, it still just might attack unnoticed and unintended. One thing is for sure, they should not regret the amount of time, emotions, expectations they had on people. They were only human. But do know that all that they have done, loving and all.. is accounted for. Love may not be returned by the people they show love to, but it WILL come back to them, from unexpected sources.. Moving on to greater heights takes much courage as it also means going into the unknown. What's going to happen to them next? Are they going to love and be disappointed yet again? Maybe, but if you loved, then you have lived. Period. Remember the greatest of faith, hope and love, is still LOVE.

As for me..
i have but one thing to say to sum it all.

Everything happens for a reason. The people around me, what they are to me is for a reason. NOTHING is coincidence or accident. I look back on the ugly times, how cruel, how unfair, how much anguish it has caused, heart-breaking events, soul & hope-killing moments. Why must it happen to us? honestly, till now i still don't know. How nice it would be for all of us to go through life smoothly sailing on our favourite personal yatch? When everyday is Friday or Christmas or Valentines day or Chinese NEw YEar(i heart dry pork)or Easter?

But i have realized that there will be days like May 13, Good friday, September 11, the day my grandpa passed away, the day people break up with their bf/gf, or the last day a man and woman goes through before they are called Divorsees the next day. How cruel is this? How cruel people can be to each other? How heartless can you be to me?

haha.. and how sad can Solomon in Ecclesiastes 1:18 be??
(vs 18) And i set my heart to know wisdom and to know madness and folly. I perceived that this is also grasping in the wind.
(vs19) For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases in sorrow." FOR WHAT? better not be wise, when you know sorrow is gonna follow you right???
(vs 15) So i said in my heart "As it happends to the FOOL (stupids), It also happeneds to me, and why was i then more wise? (terrible!)"
(vs 16) for there is no more remembrance of the wise than of a fool forever, since all that now is, will be forgotten in the days to come. And how does a wise man die? The same way as a fool!

So why on earth do we even care about doing the right things or living to the fullest? When everything is going to waste anyway?? However wise you are, fact is, you are gonna die the same way as the stupidest person you know.

Soloman also warns us that as you enjoy to live many years, and rejoice in all of them, yet.. do remember the days of darkness, for they will be many..all that is coming is wasteful! (Ecc 11:8)

pause.. this is depressing.

but King Solomon being the wisest man on earth.. ending all this crapping and complaining about life with this:

(Ecc 11:9-10) Young people, it's wonderful to be young! Enjoy every minute of it! Do all you want to; take in everything, but realize that you must account to God for everything you do. So banish grief and pain, but remember that youth, with all the years before it, can make serious mistakes.
and then he ended his complaining by Eccle 12:13 " Here is my final conclusion: honour and respect God and obey his commandments, for this is the entire duty of man."

After complaining about life for the whole 12 chapters, Soloman acknowledged that ultimately, God was and will always be the only constant in life. If you feel like leaving and running away, no one can stop you. As you run, you can expect to run your whole life. on the other hand, though its the most painful and nerve-wrecking thing to do, facing the challenges are the most noble and wise thing you can do for YOURSELF, not for your friend, and certainly not for God. After what everyone has said, its up to you. God is just waiting to be apart of your life, you don;t need to do it alone. Trust me, trust us. We love you all too much to see you wander alone. We are and always be here for you.

This song is called The Hymn. If you're not so poetically & sentimentally inclined, hope you would enjoy the melody and feel of the song. To me, it says:

no matter how far off i wander,
even if it seems like i may not make it back,
would God come to search for me? till im back safely with Him

if i run away from the safest place, from His will, my greenest pasture,
would God care to come after me?
even if it means letting go of His throne and glory
instead, putting on a crown made of thorns, and dying the most shameful death.
yes, he would and he did.

everyone out there.. this is who God is ya.
you WILL go through harder things in life, this is just the beginning. But you KNOW where and Who to look to. You look UP, to your Creator. Who is for you, to defend you, protect you, comfort you, guide you and love you. He'll make you a surfing board to surf through the waves and not get drowned.

Who you are is His gift to you; who you can be is your gift to Him.

*sings*
if my heart has one ambition, if my soul 1 goal to seek,
this is my solitary vision, 'till i only dwell in Thee...!

That i only dwell in thee..

~Monkey business~

2009-07-22T17:48:00.009+08:00

Well.. i was planning to update my blog with a very serious post talking seriously about serious things that are seriously going on in my serious life. But as a few seriously urgent assignments are seriously driving my brain seriously nuts, and after reading my Vain lil brother's blogpost about some seriously random stuff, i figured that i should seriously cool down my serious brain from being occupied by too many serious things. Read again: serious things aren't bad for health, but it can seriously do serious damage to humourous lame side of you, which actually the side that keeps you sane afterall =) am i seriously confusing you? hahaha too bad then.. so now... heres some serious monkey business questions that might keep you entertained as i prepare mentally to write about more serious things in the coming serious future... LOL.. enjoy =P

(Jojo's convo)

(Shout Awards 2009)

1. What have you been doing recently?
Wasting my precious brain juice on un-enjoyable assignments, a time of serious thinking and praying while settling relational stuff, having the time of my life watching Man Utd players in Bkt Jalil, and pondering on what the future will be.

2. Do you ever turn your handphone off?
NO. i got screamed at a few times when my battery died. Why is always when the batteries dies that im sooooo sort after? Call me and talk all you want when my fine is fine larrr.. Your wrong timings are you loss ya =P

3. What happened at 10am today?
i got stuck in a terrible stupid jam on jln loke yew while heading to college, just because there was an accident on the opposite side of the road.. as usual Malaysian being their teeribly kepoh self will slow down and even stop to enjoy watching people suffer and die, than move on with their own lives. i hope Malaysians dont get any dumber than this. Bless you with common sense & wisdom!!

4. When did you last cry?
about 2weeks ago. haha

5. Believe in Fate/Destiny?
Destiny

6. What do you want in life now?
I want to live life to the fullest, live in every moment, and enjoy the adventure God has for me here the pitstop- Earth.

7. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or put up your hood?
Im always too lazy to carry an unbrella. But i would put up my hood if i had 1 when it rained.

8. What's your favourite thing to do in bed?
Sleep la.. abudennn?

9. What bottoms are you wearing now?
Padini Authentic jeans. i like =)

10. What are the nicest things in your inbox?
daily devotionals from New Creation Church & Ransomed Heart ministries =)

11. Do you tend to make relationships complicated?
nope. i like things clear cut, sweet and sincere.

12. Are you wearing anything borrowed from anyone?
Nope. hardly ever

13. What was the last movie you caught?
Public enemies!! christian bale is charming =)

14. What are you proud of?
The friends & friendships i have made, my people God has put to be my family not by their choice, the church that God has placed me in.

15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say and who is it from?

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
Love is Waiting by Brooke Fraser. that song has been stuck in my heard since yesterday =P

17. Do you have any nicknames?
Mish, Michi, michi girl, beautiful mish (lol).. dats abt it..

18. What does the newest text messgae say and who is it from?
"Going off now, still at libry?" frm Gish

19. What time did you sleep last night?
2.03am i think.

20. Are you currently happy?
Not really. Had a rough day..

21. Who gives you the best advice?
not 1 single person. prolly my chingu, jacwyn, sometimes gish, sometimes nally woo when she feels inspired and my pastors.

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
Yes!!! and love it!!

23. Who did you talked to on the phone last night?
mei ling

24. Is something bugging you right now?
Yes. but its for me to know, and for you to find out.

25. Who is the last person to make you laugh?
Kish & Gish.

26. Do you like yourself?
Yes, i do.

27. You want $5 or $10?
$10. But both if i may.

28. Do you think you are stupid sometimes?
Sometimes, perhaps.

29. Who is your best best best friend?
Chingu & Li Han. got another one also.

30. What will you do if you like that boy?
Be myself

31. Who are your favourite stars?
Brooke Fraser & Lee Hom for singers, Sandra Bullock & Gerrard Butler for actors.

32. You hate your mother sometimes in some ways?
Not hate, but frustrated. just like wat kelvin said.

33. Do you had even stead before??
Huh?

34. What type of boy/ girl do you like?
Smart, funny, charming, caring, responsible & dedicated =) just like me!

35. Now are you single/attached?
I'm single.

I'll tag the usuals and then follow Mel's way of randomly tag other people.

1. Charissa
2. Joanna (coz i just saw her just now)
3. Connie
4. Kish
5. Gish
6. Nally
7. Jac
8. Elaine
9. Robin
10. Li Han

1. Would you date number 5?
Maybe, would require consideration...

2. Number 2 just got in a car crash. How do you react
Pray & RUsh to her rescue. If its too late fr rescue, ill rush to the hospital.

3. You see number 9 with your boy/girlfriend. What do you do?
Say hi and ask if i can butt in =P

4. You come home and and your room has been ransacked by number 4.
Throw his Nike shoes down the deepest drain!

5. Number 1 is acting weird.
Asked her whats wrong

6. Numbers 3 & 8 decide to give 10 a haircut.
ok, but be very very very careful

7. Number 7 just got tickets for him/her and you to go to a concert.
say.... YESHHHHH

8. Number 10 takes you to a bar.
go lor

9. Number 4 has to move to the other side of the world.
Miss him lorr, then bug him on facebook, skype, msn everyday... lol

10. You and number 8 are being chased by the cops for an unknown reason.
Stop and ask them to mind their own business..

11. Number 7 and you are sitting on the couch watching a movie when he/her wrap his/her arm around you.
FREAK OUT!

12. Number 5 asks you out to dinner.
sure, but be ready to pay for 2 =P lol

13. Number 9 and you are sitting on a bus.
we will be joking and laughing about everything all the way

14. Number 6 calls you in the middle of the night because he/she can't sleep.
Hear her problem and pray that she falls asleep half way talking to me =P

15. You're walking with someone and number 6 runs up and tackles you to the ground from behind.
Get up and start chasing her

16. Number 1 is crying one day and you ask him/her why and it seems their boy/girlfriend has dumped them.
I'll go get the boyfriend and make him regret dumping her.

17. Number 2 offers to bake you a meal. As you sit in the other room, the kitchen is suddenly aflame.
Laugh 1st, then get the fire extinguisher.

18. Number 4 comes to your door one day holding a koala.
Take pity on the poor koala that may have mistook number 4 as its tree.. wait a min.. no.4 DOES look like a tree.. lol

19. Number 4 just got you an X-Box.
Thank him, and lend it to him for the rest of my life =) im THAT good

20. Number 9 challenges you to a children's card game!
No problem

21. Number 1 thinks he/she's overweight.
HAhaha that will never happen

22. Number 7 looks lonely.
bring her to eat kerang

23. Number 2 asks you rudely to go leave her/him alone.
ok.. but i'll be back to check 5mins later.

24. Numbers 5 and 3 decide to throw a surprise party for you.
GREAT! the most capable people to plan a party!! im gonna have the best party ever!

25. Number 6 decide to dye his/her hair blue. What do you say to that?
Nice color, just hope that it doesnt fade and turn green.

26. Number 7 tells you he/she is going to go out for a while, and then later you hear about a shooting where he/she went.
call her immediately to ask how is she

27. You catch number 9 by him/herself, crying.
sit and cry together, then ask whats wrong

28. Numbers 1, 3, 5 and 6 all tackle you at once.
lie there for a while.. then make them wish they didnt.

wowww thats some entertainment for a stressful time like this.. stay tuned for more =)

bye bye people!

.about being faithful.

2009-06-16T23:52:00.003+08:00

LOVE isnt finding the perfect person; its seeing the imperfect person perfectly.
Just like how You saw me when You took the crown of thorns.

When I can't feel You
I have learnt to reach out just the same
When I can't hear You
I know You still hear every word I pray
and I want You more than I want to live another day
As I wait for You, maybe I'm made more FAITHFUL

There's distance in the air, and I cannot make it leave
I wave my arms round about me
And blow with all my might
I cannot sense You close
But I know You're always here
But the comfort of You near is what I long for..

Oh the folly of the past
Though I know it is undone
I still feel the guilty one still trying to make it right
So I whisper soft Your name
Let it roll around my tongue
Knowing You're the Only One who knows me
You know me...

Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
You are all I want..

Therefore Lord, "I will declare that Your love stands firm FOREVER! that You established Your FAITHFULness in heaven itself. (Psalms 89:2); to proclaim Your love in the morning, and Your FAITHFULness at night! " (Psalm 92:2)

TRUE LOVE: Has anyone else in your life loved you THAT much?

2009-04-18T09:21:00.009+08:00

heh.. found this while looking for other images.. this would naturally be something to write about on Valentines Day or season... but who says you need a time to write about LOVE??
what attracted me was:

1. "sometimes you have to work for it- especially when LIFE gets in the way.."
i dont really agree with this.. as i think that LIFE will always be apart of everything..
we've to be realistic about the harshness of the world's problems, which eventually become part of our own. So, the challenge is that true love WILL BE ABLE to battle through all the harshness and the 2 people will come out victorious!

2. "true love is always worth fighting for"
ah... this is true =)
i think one way to 'TEST' how true love is, is by how much it is worth fighting for. The simplest of examples is how Jesus fought for our love. It was sooooo true that He was willing to give up to pay for our love with His OWN life, just to get us back.

Sometimes we complain that we dont feel loved... LOL= Lack of Love (so they say...) but..

Think again, has ANYONE else in YOUR life loved you THAT MUCH????

We all have a LOVE to fight for.. But lets remember that JESUS fought for us FIRST!!!!

Walking with God: Sequeal to Shadow Feet

2009-04-01T15:50:00.003+08:00

Walking stumbling.. on these shadow feet
Toward home a land that I've never seen
Im am changing less and less asleep
Made of different stuff then when I begin...
When the world is falling out from under me
I'll be found in You, STILL STANDINGWhen time and space are through
I'll be found in You..
-Shadowfeet, Brooke Fraser-

this is a post about how i leaned on God during weirdly confusing and amazingly painful times.. its a part of John Eldredge's Waking The Dead.. hope this speaks deeply to you as it did for me =)

Walking with God

Walking with God leads to receiving His intimate counsel, and counselling leads to DEEP restoration. As we learn to walk with God and hear His voice, He is able to bring up issues in our hearts that need speaking to. Some of those wounds were enought to break our hearts, create a rift in the soul, and so we need His healing badly. This is something Jesus walks us into-sometimes through the help of another person who can listen and pray with us, smetimes with God ALONE.

As David said in Psalm 23, He leads us away, to a quiet place, to restore our soul. OUr first choise is to go with Him there- to slow down, unplug, accpet the invitation to come aside. You will never find healking in the midst of the matrix.

We need time in God's presence. This often comes as God raises some issues in our hearts or after we just relived an event that takes us straight back to that broken place, or waking up to a raw emotion.

When we're in God presence (when we spend time soaking in love songs to God in our mp3s and ipods, reading a Ransomed Heart series, reading the bible, going thru daily devotion materials, or just simply thinking about God and thanking Him for His goodness towards us), removed from distraction, we are able to hear Him more clearly in our hearts, and a secure environment has been established for the young and broken places in our hearts to surface, for Him to heal us.

He cares for everything thing you have been through no matter how it may sound and look. Remember there's a place in our heart and a longing so deep that only God can fill. Let Him in to fill you =)

Awkward Love.. To all beautiful women: This is why we love

2009-03-20T10:30:00.012+08:00

haha the title pretty much speaks for itself.. Awkward Love

This is an exerpt that has taught me how to love, the different aspects of love, and ULTIMATE reason that we can actually do such a thing as TO LOVE =)

It took me at least a week or so to fully understand what it meant.. and at least 1 year to work on it and actually see results.. These are one of the many things that have impacted and changed me to be the MICHI you see, hear, and know now!! kekekeke =)

LOVE YOU everybody!

God speaks yet AGAIN, through John & Stasi Eldredge :

Honest communication in love is the only way to live and grow in friendships. There are ebbs and flows. There may be real hurt and disappointment.
But with the grace of God firmly holding us, it is possible to nurture and sustain deep friendships.
We are designed to live in relationship and share in the lives of other women. We need one another. God knows that. We have only to ask and surrender, to wait, to hope, and, in faith, to love. We must also repent.
For a woman to enjoy relationship, she must repent of her need to control and her insistence that people fill her.
Fallen Eve demands that people “come through” for her.
Redeemed Eve is being met in the depths of her soul by Christ and is free to offer to others, free to desire, and willing to be disappointed.
Fallen Eve has been wounded by others and withdraws in order to protect herself from further harm.
Redeemed Eve knows that she has something of value to offer; that she is made for relationship. Therefore, being safe and secure in her relationship with her Lord, she can risk being vulnerable with others and offer her true self.
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable . . . The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers . . . of love is Hell. (C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves)

(Captivating , 181–82)

and heres some recent photos... i'm ALIVE and WELL!

Michi met a little lamb whose fleece was NOT like snow.. kekeke

in the car at the traffic light :P

dearie LiHan's convo!!

lepaking in PD..went to visit mom

tyres sudd no air.. no air.. no air...

me and darling Alicia during CNY.. this dearie grows smarter, prettier and noisier by the month~

I just had a great review from my Managing People lecturer for my group presentation!! Was the same lecturer whothreathened to give me a 0/20 marks for midterm just because i forgot to write the question number.. in the end he gave a 18/20 also.. was a great humbling experience... this calls for celebration!!!!

Thats all for now folks!!

The Ultimate Risk Anyone Ever Takes is To Love

2009-02-24T23:12:00.009+08:00

God speaks in mysteriously coincident ways ya.. but we know that nothing is by coincidence.. this is the 'coincidence' that i encountered right after knowing some info. This is what it is to love.. from John Eldredge my fav author.

God’s relationship with us and with our world is just that: a relationship. As with every relationship, there’s a certain amount of unpredictability, and the ever-present likelihood that you’ll get hurt. The ultimate risk anyone ever takes is to love, for as C. S. Lewis says, “Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal.” But God does give it, again and again and again, until he is literally bleeding from it all. God’s willingness to risk is just astounding—far beyond what any of us would do were we in his position.

Trying to reconcile God’s sovereignty and man’s free will has stumped the church for ages. We must humbly acknowledge that there’s a great deal of mystery involved, but for those aware of the discussion, I am not advocating open theism. Nevertheless, there is definitely something wild in the heart of God.

(Wild at Heart , 32)

The best advice i got today was from Jac that brought me face to face with my senses that it almost hurt.. funny to hear this coming from me.. but proves that im only human =)
Jac said: Keep being thankful & grateful to Him. Its the antidote to any lack or loss!

Geek In The Pink

2009-02-10T00:15:00.000+08:00

great vocals

Videos that reminds me of all of you

2009-02-04T23:41:00.004+08:00

hey my dearly Beloved friends.. i watched a Youtube video recently that reminded me of many crazy, insane, happy moments iv had with many of my friends.. those who have known me for years and those who have known me not for long..but it seems like years =P

its not necessarily exactly what you see happening in the video.. but what the lyrics say.
(needed some cheering up due to a very slow start to the year =P)

Heres to you all..
P.S. Jason Mraz's vocals darnnn chun in this video of You & I>>

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of the love, the love that I love.

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive

You and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just dream of
And if you could see me now
Well I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of
Finally deedeedeedee
Well I'm almost finally, finally
Well I'm free, oh, I'm free

And it's okay if you have go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang

Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm almost finally out of.
I'm finally out of, finally, deedeeededede
well I'm almost finally, finally, finally out of words.

Best photos this season

2009-01-21T19:04:00.008+08:00

I've so much of things to say..but have not enuff words for it.. so here's some insight into things that have happen recently (in the near past)
My surprise bday at leisure mall.. by my beloved Fishes. love u all very much!
My bday cake and lovely prezzie.. =)

I (HEART) Fish! as the fishes pose with the revelational tshirt =P
Fun at UNIFEST 09~
Fishes and Friends..
The day Moni was ordained.. now she is Pastor Monica!!

Had some of the people that we closest to me over for Christmas.. 1..2..3.. sampaaaaaaaaaaaaat

few siao kias.. i shall not comment further.

the 5 beautities..

had fun at 1U after serving some beautiful children.

do not underestimate us.

guess how this was taken. so beautifully emo rite?

then there was my two month stint in Scotiabank.. these are the wonderful people who have added even mre colour to my life..

Christmas nite.. after all was done..

Beautiful girls who have impacted my life.. Oh Beautiful souls..

Christmas night.. dancing to Majesty

i dunno what is this.. just thought it was lame enuff to leave some memories

Children's Christmas celebration.. Wei Shiuan & Jun Bin.. fine young men

This is exactly why we are serving in this Children Church..

how it has started

2009-01-14T02:00:00.005+08:00

i've been dying to say this: i love this dress!! it looked even better on Sandra Bullock..one of my favourite actresses.. its so simple yet elegant, smart and confident. Especially if worn by one of the most intelligent, smart and sophisticated women =) i love her la!

its exactly 2 weeks into 2009. it has been so good so far. except for the one unexpected payment i have to make tomorrow. otherwise.. was a good start.

i havent really got BIG/ glamorous/ fabulous plans for this year apart from my resolutions, which are more like things i want to do everyday. somehow i feel that i shouldnt be making any big plans.. but to give space and time for other things and areas that need to be developed more fully.. and to take things as they come.

yet something tells me also to dare to dream and dare to wish. blame it on this phrase: "Be careful what you wish for, coz u just might get it all"..yea by Daughtry. just the way it spoke to many others, it has to me too. many times before, and now, again. it gives me a funny kind of excitement that urges me to not be confined to any stupid box, but dare to dream, hope and ask for things that you have never dared to. what do you think? should i try? i wonder what God's up to? where is he taking me next year? in 5 years? this leaves me weirdly excited and a bit more enthusiastic than i was 10mins ago =P

lets keep this year fun and optimistic and trusting God all the way ya~

*Sing to the Lord... Oh my soul!!* heheheh

You make all things new~

2008-12-31T16:16:00.005+08:00

here was 2008, walking and stumbling on these shadowfeet. I've been changing to be less and less asleep, made of different stuff than when i began.

Definately made of different stuff than when i first began. Too much has been going on recently till a point that felt like dropping it all and disappearing off to somewhere else..far away from the noise and sinking thoughts. But thats only for cowards i guess. This year was also a year of letting go of everything..literally. Things, people, places, incidences and emotions. I've being doing so much of letting go until i feel that i didnt want anything anymore. I dont want anything!! Coz i know i'd have to let go anyway..

so.. things that i want to thank God for 2008..

1. Good exam results.. this is a miracle! Through the ridiculously tight schedule of classes, visitations, cgs, and family..God still came through with me~ gilaaa chun!
2. WHC Children Ministry that has FINALLY become a Children Church!! wooohooo Thank God for every child, parent, teacher, helper, worship leaders and musicians that He had brought into this place.
3. WHC Youth Ministry> The Metamorphosis Project.. that the children that are growing into the teens now have a larger group to grow with and wonderful leaders to lead them to becoming super lovers of Jesus.
4. Open doors> ooportunity to serve with World Vision. More to come babe!
5. Closed doors.
6. My holiday job at Scotiabank.. great boss, great collegues, great experience!
7. My sis is going home to stay once a week!
8. Thank my grdma and aunt for sacrificing so much to let me go to love others.
9. Mummy, just for being my mummy.
10. Friends, that have been there although they don't and maybe will never be able to understand what has been going on with me. That they don't judge me for mistakes but give grace and support.
11. People who i have regarded as unofficial mentors.. ie Ps. Ong! that have spoken many truths into my life.
12. Challenges that have made me stronger.
13. Victories that have excouraged me to do better.
14. Thank God that He nudged me let go all those stuff that would have prevented all those things above to work out..

and these are my resolutions.. inspired by R. Emerson and E.Porter

1. to laugh often and much
2. to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children
3. to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends
4. to appreciate beauty.
5. to find the best in others and to praise them loudly for it.
6. to make the world a better place whether by a happier child or senior person or a redeemed social condition.
7. to know even one life has breathed easier because I lived and loved.
8. to love generously as how Jesus would.
9. to live fully the life God created me to live.

I thank God for loving me and for teaching me to love others more and that life goes beyond just yourself.

here is 2009, full of faith, hope, love, expectation, enthusiasm, peace and joy! I;m coming to GET YOU!

有些事我只想要对你说, 因祢比任何人都爱我..

2008-11-22T00:43:00.002+08:00

"有些事我只想要对你说, 因祢比任何人都爱我.."
(there are things that i only want to say to you, because You are the ONe who loves me the most)

this phrase changed my life forever. so often i tend to look back and wonder what is it that makes me want to live OUT my passion and not just settle for complacency or second best. its not because of the things that i have or havent done, not because of my past achievements or what i have done right. you might understand when i say that past mistakes might make you feel inadequate or undeserving a good life. but what happens if i say that even the good things that you did RIGHT also might STILL leave you empty inside.

this changed when i heard this fact. knowing that there is something and someone higher than me that knows me inside out and lvoes me for who I am, not for what i have or have not done. Nothing i can or cannot do can make God love me more. Ofcourse I want to make Him happy by living honourably and with integrity. But for those who dont, He loves them the same, not anymore than me.

Another song that resonated so much with me is "I Will Be Here" by Steven Curtis Chapman. This song made a very very deep impression in me from the very first time i heard it nearly 7 years ago. The viewpoint of this song is a husband singing to the wife. This song taught me so much above what true love is. For one, its not just about romantic love, but true love gives assurance, comfort, safety, understanding, patience, faithful during trials and tribulations, rejoies in accomplishments, comforting in failures and giving grace to mistakes. True love also stays strong together in seasons of change and transition, loving each other even when the mirror tells us we're older and most of all ,thanking God for the wonderful person He prepared for you.

My point is.. the love the husband has for his wife showed me how much God loves me. This love runs deep. Ive posted another version of it sung by Passion (dont know if its his real name) awesome stuff ..

Best photos for this season...

2008-11-20T00:29:00.003+08:00

To all the people i love.. hope you are all doing great.. more updates soon ! LOve YOU!

Good question..do answer ya

2008-11-09T23:54:00.002+08:00

What would you think or feel if you knew that someone had you in mind since before the Foundations of the World. He loved you before the beginning of time, has come for you, and now calls you to journey toward and with the person, for the consummation of your love?

Do drop your comments.. just want to know how you would feel or think..

Gish's 22nd birthday

2008-11-09T00:29:00.003+08:00

I didnt know wer to put this.. if put on facebook, then will be like 0 privacy.. so decided to put here la.. Open for viewing of all fishes and non-fishes alike =)

We will find each other =)

2008-11-05T22:45:00.008+08:00

Pic: Beautiful sunset on my birthday 28 Oct 08, taken approx at 6.15pm at Sentosa Island. This pic means a thousand words to me =)

Finalleeeee... blog update. as i was reading one of the pieces from my then 'private' journal, i found this very interesting piece that i wrote on 12 Jul 07... time has flown pass since then.. and i thought i might be old enough and ok to share a bit on my outlook of what it means to me to have a lifepartner =) i seldom talk about this in public, hehe, so this is quite a bit step for me ya~ if you're looking for any juicy details, im sorry ya.. there is none. so its ok if you stop reading the rest of my blog.. but maybe if you do want to get to know me a bit more.. im here.

so.. welcome to my world on 12 July 2007>>

12 Jul 2007

Given much thought, what I can conclude till this day is that finding a life partner or one that I would fondly refer to as my team mate that would fulfill all the qualities and I mentioned above (previous journal..not gonna give you the details la..=P) is rather.. difficult? I guess. But deep down I know that it isn’t impossible though. Because if I had never met a person with one or more of those qualities, I wouldn’t have as much of an idea as I do now, on knowing what kind of person I would want to spend the rest of my life on earth with. It might not be that one person with all those qualities, but different people, each with their uniquely good qualities. Haha. Actually it’s a combination of those different people that bring about a ‘collection’ of qualities. That of what makes the best match.

Based on just this, one might be tempted to think : “Then, can I have them all?”. That’s ridiculous! Of course NOT. What are you thinking? Pengsan! So, I guess, that in finding a team mate, I’ve accepted the fact that the point is not on finding the perfect mate, but the best match to those qualities. If we’re looking for perfection, we’re bound for disappointment because we’ll never ever find it. Think rationally and moderately and you’ll agree with this.

Hehe. This is indeed an interesting topic.. Last night at cell group, my friend shared her testimony on relationships she’d had and lost. Some were very close friends, tuition mates, church friends, school friends.. they all varied. Many times you thought that it was going to work out, but eventually didn’t. Then she turned around and asked God, why was this happening to me. I guessed that at some point, we do give in to peer pressure, that we get nervous and impatient when we see that all those around us are already in relationships, some even getting married, and we hadn’t even been one steady relationship yet.

Many guys have crossed my path, come and gone. Many have impacted my life in one way or the other, for the better or for worse. So, is it that my expectations exceed reality? Am I looking for the impossible? Looking back again on the top most of this post, I will confidently say, No, I’m quite rational about this. It’s not impossible. I just haven’t met that person yet. Or even if I have, I haven’t got to know the person well enough to discover those qualities in him. So, the conclusion is yet.. the same. Time will tell. At the same time, Father God, do mold me to be the kind of person with the kind of qualities that that person is looking for to be his team player.

This way, I believe that we will indeed find each other =)

the power statement about Beauty

2008-09-11T00:23:00.004+08:00

i just came across this wonderful statement

“Beauty overwhelms us, enchants us, fascinates us, and calls us.” (Fr. Andrew Greeley)

The gift of presence is a rare and beautiful gift.

To come unguarded, undistracted, and be fully present and fully engaged with the one whom we are with.

Have you noticed in reading the Gospels that people enjoyed being around Jesus?

They wanted to be near him – to share a meal, take a walk, have a lingering conversation.

It was the gift of his presence.

When you were with him, you felt he was offering you his heart.

When we offer our unguarded presence, we live like Jesus.

And we invite others to do the same.

(Captivating, 138)

Through the years, i've come to learn a very inportant thing about beauty.. to me..

Beauty is underrated, true beauty is being exploited, and beauty is anything but skin deep.

Beauty reminded me of one of my FAVOURITE Disney cartoon of all times, Sleeping Beauty.. she was ofcourse extreamly beauty, (as the animators have drawn) but since then, something within me knws that there MUST be so much more to this beauty.. she has so much more to offer. God's beauty is reflected in all these.. through the many wonderfully beautiful things around, we have just seen just a teeny weeny fraction of God's beauty..

Great people Great moments Great God in our midsts

2008-09-06T12:15:00.011+08:00

haha i taktahan but need to naikkan this photos just for laughs and for memories sake.. these are few of my happiest moments amidst all the other chaoses in my life =)

At Caleb and Mabel's Wedding =)

Actually we were more interested in the flowers~
One of our 1st networkees group fotos.. one of the pros: we take great photos together =P Things we do at weddings "-_-
Supposed to be an emo- Top Model type of pose.. but Connie and Mary were not cooperating!

After countless retakes.. we finally got the best non-shake portrait. You have no idea how much effort was put in for this..

Jac's Bday at Ampang Korean BBQ

A Peeping Jac.. its like.. the rest if her face is the car seat.. muahahahMichi hugs Lydia.. and Jo can't stand it.. either that or she's desperate to get in the fotoNegotiating whether to let Jo take photos with us. Michi says no, but Lydia says "its ok la.. pity her"Finally we still let her take foto with us.. if not we wudnt have taken such a nice foto =)Taking a rest after eating too much too fastAfter reconciling over a meal, Jo and Michi became good friends.Until can smile while sleeping... =)Presenting..the bday gal.. Shes 2nd from the right, her name is Jaclyn and shes is X yrs old the day b4 we took this pic.Mr Camera man joined the fotoJo spotted a cicak! But we cared more about taking nice pics Michi loves Batman!Then the rest spotted many other cicaks.. Michi grew metal extensions on her ears.The food was finger..and chopticks lickin' good =)Cheers! Barly water

Lalalala tomoro is my 1st real holiDAY.. yes only one day

2008-09-01T00:27:00.003+08:00

hey lovely humans.. i suddenly feel like i miss many people.. missed out on a lots of important events.. missed out on a very big chunck of LIFE. blame it on the exams la!!

these are a few of my regrets:

1. not being able to join the Chong Hws High School 3rd Scout Troop Reunion

2. not being able to spend time with TCC b4 she went back to Cardiff

3. not being able to spend time with LLH thru the harder times in life

4. not being able to spend time with my CG and section mbrs.. i sooo miss them

5. not learning up on my Photoshop shop skills (even wen iv installed cs2 like.. 5months ago)

6. not able to start learning drums again.. (even wen i have 2 new pais of sticks)

7. not reading the newspapers for 8 months

8. not replying enough emails as in should

9. not washing my car when it needs to be washed (you have NO IDEA)

10. not getting enough sleep

11. not spending enough time with God. ( i almost ALWAYS keep Him waiting, i would be so sien of myself if i were Him, so thank goodness im not)
12. not spending enough time with my family (padahal they will always have time for me =( )

13. not living in the moment

well..these are just a few of my greatest regrets.. you people in my life mean SO SO SO much to me. its absolutely true, even if i dont show it. i'll be working on it guys.. i promise =)

other things that have made headlines in my life recently are Connie's bday, UCSI CF CPR, and CF G.O. Camp.. pictures are everywer guys.. i cant keep track also.. do log on to facebook.com for almost all of the pics..

im pretty fine now. after spending almost 2months in the 'desert' alone... with God. things that i've learn in the desert are:

1. to attempt to change the world without changing ourselves is a hopeless task

2. Jesus not only invites us to a new beginning, but also offers us a NEW LIFE and a NEW HEART.

3. The desrt adventure is for those who are committed to being a voice to, and not merely and echo of, the society.

4. The desert produces real people

5. In the pain i have found purpose, in the suffering i have learn perseverence, and in the loneliness i have met Jesus.

6. In order to lean on Him, we must first acknowledge that we cannot walk by ourselves.

God met me at my lowest point. I was LITERALLY all alone in these pass 2 months. I still thank God for dearest friends who have been there for me.. when i met the car accident, who took me to the workshops, who accompanied me to study for my finals for ridiculous amount of hours, who offered a shoulder to lean on, and ears to listen to me complain about life.. God bless u guys and gals!! I know it is by NO accident that you were where you were during that time. All sent by God for me, no matter what you have done. Even by just being there, you have helped me and are a great encouragement to me. THANK YOU ALL.. Love you soo much!

勇敢

2008-08-13T10:25:00.004+08:00

約書亞記 1 (Joshua 1)
5 你平生的日子，必无一人能在你面前站立得住。我怎样与摩西同在，也必照样 与你同在 ； 我必不撇下你，也不丢弃你 。

6 你当刚强壮胆！ 因为你必使这百姓承受那地为业， 就是我向他们列祖起誓应许赐给他们的地。

7 只要刚强，大大壮胆 ，谨守遵行我仆人摩西所吩咐你的 一切律法，不可偏离左右，使你无论往那里去，都可以顺利。

8 这律法书不可离开你的口 ， 总要昼夜思想 ，好使你 谨守遵行这书上所写的一切话 。如此， 你的道路就可以亨通，凡事顺利。

9 我岂没有吩咐你麽？ 你当刚强壮胆！不要惧怕，也不要惊惶；因为你无论往那里去，耶和华 ─ 你的　神必与你同在。

"Desert Song" by Fraser

This is my prayer in the battle, when trimph is still on its way,
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ, so firm on His promise I'll stand.

All of my life, in every season, YOU are still God,
I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship!!

In Joshua 1, God told Joshua REPEATEDLY to be strong and of good courage, be strong and courageous, for He WILL be with him wherever he goes. 你当刚强壮胆！不要惧怕，也不要惊惶；因为你无论往那里去，耶和华 ─ 你的　神必与你同在 .

Even while being stuck in this narrow place yet again, in the the battle with the Enemy for my life, my money, and my future..one thing remains.. I have a promise that I will NOT be left alone.

Bleeding Love by Mark & Chelsea (So You Think You Can Dance)

2008-07-21T10:29:00.003+08:00

love the choreography for Bleeding Love.. dancers Mark & Chelsea are greatt!

and Will & Katee doing Pas De Deux, dancing to Imagine by David Archuleta