Frunobulax 57 (Danny S Recovered Alcoholic)

Etoh Relaspe is a Mere Bag of Shells . . . .

2008-09-05T06:10:00.010-04:00

. . . . when compared to the implications of the real setback.

To the average Pop-AA devotee the worst possible thing that an AA can do is drink. Not to me. Drinking is NOT the worst thing. The worst thing I can do is to cease growing in my relationship with my Creator.

That probably will RESULT in drinking - and a lot more other horrendous behaviors too - but drinking is certainly not the be all and end all of this recovery deal.

Liquor is "but a symptom" (64:0) - a mere bag of shells - an indication of another far more serious problem - spiritual sickness that stems from our own resentments.

When a protegee tells me that they have “slipped” it is usually while we are working together on the Steps. My reaction is always the same, “NO SHIT!” I say. Why? Because it is not beyond expectation.

He is after all still suffering from a spiritual malady - a self imposed divorce from God.

Real alcoholics will drink no matter what until such time as their spiritual awakening - and that is NOT 'Upon arrival' in the Fellowship.

"Just showing up" is not a treatment for alcoholism. I have noticed that when a protegee is steadfast in wanting to stop drinking and change his life, then right after Step Three - immediately after vowing to God that we will now turn our lives and wills over to Him in a process we call Steps Four through Twelve - there does seem to come a sort “grace period” - as if God is keeping us safe from alcoholic obsession in this interim - that period of time prior to the spiritual awakening.

Others just seem to be “Free agents” until that awakening occurs - and IT DOES - usually somewhere in and around Steps Five through Seven. Some of these “free agents” drink. I don’t consider it a big deal. It’s to be expected because that’s what real alcoholics do - they DRINK - NO MATTER WHAT. Until they have recovered through the awakening transformation from one type of character into another.

It is NOT because they aren't going to enough meetings, or making coffee or calling their sponsor, or have a Home Group. Those are the POP-AA tools of sobriety. We are concerned with "Spiritual Tools" - not weak, human hand forged implements reserved for people with "A drinking problem".

When that happens we just keep forging ahead to get him there This is why we try to get a newcomer through this process as fast as possible - none of that “Step a Year” bull-dinky or whatever other procrastination techniques we too often hear. This person's life and the well being and health of an entire family might be at stake.

It IS a RACE! Anyone out here in the trenches who works with others and has experienced the inevitable defeats when protegees loose the race will tell you that.

Pretending to know how much time a newcomer has before that next first-drink obsession is going to hit him broadside is just plain arrogant. Yet we hear it all the time don’t we? Yes, from meeting dependent AAs who have power over alcohol.You know the ones - the 'Jugheads'. Those who “Put the plug in the jug“ to stay sober and in saying that admit openly that they are not real alcoholics since they have power over alcohol. "Don't rush. Tak eyour time. Don't get 'pressured' into to the steps."

Of course that is their experince. They have all the time in the world to "do the steps". They don't even have to if they don't want to and still manage to "stay away from a drink one more day." BLECH!

Not me or the men I sponsor. I do not sponsor Jugheads. They have the luxury of another, less drastic, easier-softer solution and all I offer is what I did - change at a cellular level. Yeah, that's all.

We are POWERLESS until such time as a the spiritual comes to remove the obsession.

Peace,

DannyS

The Secret of Love, Tolerance and Air Conditioning

2008-08-31T13:48:00.017-04:00

_{Warning: Self-indulgent and preachy article}
Being a writer who has come to "specialize" in alcoholism is not bad. It is not as limiting as one might think. Actually, all genres are open. Even the fiction I scribble has a thick thread of the malady called alcoholism running through it. Not only do I get to examining the illness; the brain, the body and the spiritual aspects but I also get to entertain with psychology, law, courts, medicine, family, career, even politics. Alcoholism touches so many of us and so much of our society I could write a book about cops and robbers and then low and behold - there is alcoholism. I can write an article about Barak Obama and . . . BINGO - he says his Dad was an alkie - - I'm in!

I can write about George Bush - Catholic priests, High School Students, Soccer Moms, Little League Coaches, Oprah's Book Club, and Bada Bing!. . . alcoholism is all there. Libertarians, Conceptual Continuity, Cognitive Dissonance, Rock and Roll, good and evil, Heaven and Hell, Ozzy and Sharon, Inagodadevida Baby - it's all got alcoholism running through it like it's own blood! I will never be short ideas. I will always be able to write topically about alcoholism.

One of my favorite 'off-topic' topics about which I write and speak of is 'love'. The only thing better than 'love' is 'hate' - and with good reason as I shall later explain. Writers, poets, teachers, gurus, preachers and lovers of all ilk and persuasions have been trying to define love for centuries and they have come up with all kinds of descriptions. As with most things however, I find simplicity to best and it is a very poplar notion to agree with that - at least verbally . . . in actual practice? Eh....not so much.

Some people's idea of simplicity seems very complicated. I know some Simple Simon's who think that avoiding Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is"Keeping It Simple". Can you believe that?

The kind of simplicity I like is the kind that is so elemental that even it's simplicity is simple - the kind of un-embellished truth that is so plain and unobtrusive that it is overlooked most of time and the only time we see it is when intellect reminds, say through reading an article like this one. In practice, while yet in the thick of it, it cruelly evades conscious discovery - until it is too late and has either come and gone or remains sitting heavily on our chest pinning us to the floor while we struggle without the strength to shake it off of us.

In AA we have a code. Our code is "Love and tolerance" and this is introduced to us by the co-authors of the Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous" in their prescription for recovery - a new design for living for us - during Step Ten. We are either followers of the code or not.

Step Ten is when we deal with the daily slaps in the face we get - the waves of stresses - the pebbles under the soles of our feet as we traverse this planet. These are our very own twinges of angers, dishonesties, fears and selfishness. These crop up all the time and we are continuously on the lookout for them for when they do we have a four point "system" to protect and free ourselves of them. I won't go into those now. If you are in AA you should already know and practice them.

As alcoholics - or as any spiritually sick segment of humanity - we seem to have more than our fair share of hatred and we love little if at all. That is not exaggeration and I know it may even be a little offensive. But many of us define "love" as something "we feel" - something that "pleases us". That we know. We spend our entire lives pleasuring ourselves.Go forbid if we should experience any discomfort at all - then all hell breaks loose. Do you know how to tell an alcoholic in a restaurant? Simple. He's the one demanding to see the owner.

Love is simply the absence of hate. Living without anger, resentment and negative emotions is being a loving person and that frees us to show love. Self-centered people only think as love as something "they feel" - that they sit and wait for - that get done to them - but it really is something to do - to show - to proactively spread and can be as small an act as as being helpful to someone without resentment even though we would rather be doing something else or it can be as large as devoting a portion of ones life to care for a terminally ill person. These are showings of love when they are without expectations of recompense - either emotional, mental, physical, direct or indirect.

I like to think of air conditioning. When I was a kid growing up in D' Bronx during the summers were hot and humid. I did not like them. My mother had a room air conditioner for sleeping at night while we kids just sweat through those dog-nights. Stores had huge Fedders units that blew hot smelly air that reminded me of stale pretzel rods and dripped water onto our heads as we passed under them because they were mounted right over the entrance to the store. We had to run quickly under it and into the store or else receive that warm blast or smelly exhaust and maybe even get dripped on. The most considerate store owners ran a garden hose along the door jamb and up to catch that extra condensation - just like a little roof gutter system for a house.

When you are a kid you assume that that big noisy grey smelly machine is what has magically through the miracle of science- turned the air inside from warm to cool. It had not done that at all. It is not true. What it has done is that it has sucked out all of the heat from the air and then returned it into the room -- but sans the hot air. That's what that uncomfortable blast in the face was in the doorway - it was heat formerly in the room! It turns out that air conditioners do not pump in cold air - they remove the hot air and the default is devoid of heat - COLD! Damn!

What is light but the absence of dark? What is goodness? Isn't it the absence of evil? Dry means nothing more than 'not wet'. Even male is very simply the absence of female - perhaps not in biological terms but in spirit and purpose.

Properly translated "Love thy neighbor" instead conveys "Do not hate your neighbor". By not hating, not resenting, not getting sore, no feeling threatened or hurt - we bring love through our personal portals to earth. Our spot here where we live is either a piece of heaven or it is a living hell depending on how we react to all the cruelties that people toss in our direction. We won't always be able to duck them. We don't grow through them if we do. It is how we react when they land on us and that's all there is to being happy joyous and free or else restless, irritable and discontent.The choice is ours.

"Love and Tolerance is our code" and Step Ten is where it's at in order to keep alive not only sobriety, but love and tolerance themselves. No wonder the co-authors were sure that unless we practice Step Ten daily that we would be headed for trouble. They called it resting on laurels.

Peace,

Danny S

The REAL Cause of Alcoholism in America

2008-08-29T18:38:00.002-04:00

Icelandic Alkies Know Better Than We Do

2008-08-29T11:47:00.018-04:00

_{NOTE: Those of you for whom "Keep Coming Back" is a solution for your drinking and go around telling folks that things like "Just don't drink and good to meetings" is some sort of solution to alcoholism may not enjoy this article. But if you will keep an opened mind you may find that everything here is on hundred percent AA. As always anything that cannot be reconciled with the Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous" can be safely discarded. Likewise anything that can be reconciled - discard at your own risk and peril if you are a true alcoholic. Anything discard it without bothering to investigate - well, then more fool you. DJS}

_{“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments, and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation.” Author Unknown*}

Estimating from the emails I get it seems that many people, whether in the fellowship or not, are not are not familiar with how a Twelve Step "Call" works.

People from Iceland, Australia, the UK, Denmark and Norway seem to have a better grip than many of us in the USA - and AA started here. Man!

Where the hell have you all been with those multi-decade medallions and greying sideburns? SHEEESH

So maybe I can clear up misunderstanding for the uninitiated - and if you have not gotten your understanding of how to perform a twelve step call or what "carry this message" means out of the book, Alcoholics Anonymous then you are the uninitiated and I don't give a crumb how many "24s" you have "under your belt", how many IIs and Vs there are on those little brass medallions which you are so found of constantly mentioning to others in meetings -- or even how many "pigeons" you have.

If you are sitting meetings telling folks that you have not done the steps - have meandered through them through an "AWOL" or some other "system" or movements or for whatever reason NOT yet recovered from alcoholism - then YOU ARE A NEWCOMER! and people like me - our numbers are wordwide and high - can help you if you will set aside your overblown "Look Ma. Not drink' today!" ego and admit it.

Anyone with minimal reading comprehension skills can get clear on these things if only they would use the Big Book - instead of some some MOR sponsor or somebody told them in a meeting or in rehab. People that can't read c n have someone learned read it to them.

That's how I straightened myself out and began using its practicable applications out in the field, which is where we preform our avocation - not in church basements so much.

Do not follow me for the directions! We have a book with a chapter called "Working With Others" for that. I am just generalizing here and this is my understanding of what the Big Book directions say and call for and my experience in practicing it. Clear? Good.

There are two approaches - not approaches in the sence of "methodologies" I mean two actual 'approachings' when we physically "go visit " the still suffering alcoholic with the intent of taking him through the Twlevs Steps. Each of these "approach"es has very specific tasks to perform and results hoped for. I cover these all when I do Twelve Step workshops but for now I will generalize and not get into the minutia of it - but you can easily reference the Big Book for the details - what to say, when to say it, what not to say, what to do - it is very clear and precise. That's twice I've said it, now- OK?

The Big Book directions are interesting too, especially if you are not familiar with the process. Your mind would boggle if you saw what I see doing this work in the field. It warms the heart and soul and so encourages one to continue with the work. It is immensely satisfying.

To see families reconcile - lives and health restored and then to watch as these folks then carry it on to other sufferers with the exact same results is sometimes astonishing!

To see men who upon meeting are lying in a fetal position for days and sometimes weeks at a time, in their own vomit and diarrhea, near death – eschewed by hospitals, failures of ten or twenty treatment center residencies - and just a few weeks later are up, holding a job and reuniting with children, parents and spouses, well frankly it is just too much for words. Even for someone as verbose as I.

First it's helpful to know why we do this work and why it is so effective when "run" properly:

"Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember they are very ill." (89:0)

So let's take Bill Dodsen as an example - the well known "Man in the bed". Bill and Bob go after him. Notice the method used in the twelve step work Bill and Bob were performing:

“The man in the bed was told of the acute poisoning from which he suffered, how it deteriorates the body of an alcoholic and warps his mind. There was much talk about the mental state preceding the first drink.” (157:5)

Deterioration of the body? What were they talking about? Liver cirrhosis? - Wet brain" - Pancreatitis" - Hangovers? Not likely.

They explained to him what they knew about the progressive sensitivity to alcoholic - called "physical allergy" by Dr. Silkworth - and how if any alcohol whatever enters his body the phenomenon of craving would kick in.

This is where we hear much confusion even amongst our own members. Alcoholics don’t CRAVE alcohol until the first drink has been swallowed. (Or alcohol has somehow entered the body through alcoholically contaminated foods, mouthwash, medications, ect)

We alkies don't sit at home or in our offices "Jones'n" for a drink - when there isn't any already in our bodies.

So if we cannot have any alcohol in our bodies without experiencing a craving for MORE, and we don't CRAVE more until the first alcohol is introduced, then why can't we "Just Don't Take The First Drink" - thereby avoiding the CRAVING for more? That should solve the problem, right?

Right! It sure should -and for some people it does - unless they are alcoholics of our kind - the real alcoholic for whom AA was created.

What they explained to Bill D shed light on why he couldn't do that - why ALL alcoholics cannot do that. They talked “much” about the mental state preceding - BEFORE - taking the drink. That means they explained to him the obsession or in other words the alcoholic insanity of taking that ONE DRINK even though his past history adequately demonstrated an inability to stop (Craving more) when he needed or wanted to stop.

Once he "Got it" - then "Getting it" was not enough. You know like a junkie gets a fix and that seems to be enough? He's good! Alcoholics are different - they MUST have more immediately. He recognizes this in himself and sees that this continuous cycle makes his kind of condition a hopeless one. (That means he took Step One)

Finally:
The two friends spoke of their spiritual experience and told him
about the course of action they carried out. (157:1)

They wrap the presentation with their solution to the problem – that is the “What happened” part you may have heard of in the formula. What happened was that they had a spiritual awakening/experience that came about by “Action they carried out”. Then they outlined that program of action to Bill D – the Twelve Steps.

Now all our friend Bill D needs to do is acknowledge that the spiritual solution will work (Step Two) and to make a decision to follow the course of action they outlined to him. (Take Step Three).

It’s a simple effective formula for carrying this message.

Explain the allergy/craving -what you "were like"
Explain the obsession/insanity - again part of what "you were like"
Explain the spiritual experience (This is "what happened" - which can’t be done if we haven’t actually HAD a spiritual experience ourselves) and explain the 12 Steps. (Again - can’t be done if we haven’t taken them)
Tell him what life is like now AFTER recovery. ("What it's like now" - It's going to be GOOD -- if you have recovered)

BUT WAIT!

If my prospect cannot identify with my explanation of allergy AND obsession - I may not be dealing with a real alcoholic. Even if he IS, he may not really WANT to stop. (SO I ASK HIM!) If so, there will be no need to proceed. But I have still been helpful - now he is free to seek help for whatever OTHER problem he may have that has brought him to this horrible juncture.

"After satisfying yourself that your man wants to recover and that he will go to any extreme to do so, you may suggest a definite course of action." (142:4)

Have any of us ever gone on a “Twelve Step” call prior to actually understanding the disease - been able to explain it as Bill and Bob have done - had a spiritual experiences and recovered through the twelve steps?

I have. Shame on me - and shame on anyone who hasn’t experienced the solution, hasn't learned how to explain it - yet attempts to pass it on to another alcoholic whose very life sits in our hands.

If the guy/gal is a real alkie - willing to go through the simple process of the Twelve Steps and adopt its new way of living on a continuing basis - then these folks WILL HAVE a spiritual awakening that BLOWS THE MIND! So much so, they are sometimes ridiculed and eschewed by contemporary "meeting goers" and others who call themselves "still recovering" alcoholics who have not done or experienced what he has.

But they never drink again and they pass on to others exactly what has been passed onto them in the same way it was passed to them. It's fast acting.It's effective and I have NEVER seen it not work for any real alcoholic willing to really try. Heavy drinkers and problem drinkers hardly EVER "really try". They don't HAVE to! They can just moderate or quite on their own - they put the willpower that they already posses to put the "plug in the jug" and leave the fellowship - or else they stay and avail themselves of the social benefits - coffee, chicks or hunks, a night out of the house, friends. Some even go on the Internet passing on their middle-of-the-road solutions which worked for them but is deadly for us real alkies whose malady can only be conquered through a spiritual awakening. Oh, did I mention that "spiritual awakening" is the only purpose of the 12 Steps - not "to stop drinking"? I probably did.

Some even go on the Internet passing on their middle-of-the-road solutions which worked for them but is deadly for us real alkies whose malady can only be conquered through a spiritual awakening. Oh, did I mention that "spiritual awakening" is the only purpose of the 12 Steps - not "to stop drinking"? I probably did.

I hope this give you a good idea of how the twelve steps for alkies like me work and why I am so passionate about recovery and Twelve Steps. But more importantly if you are in a twelve step fellowship - are a real, true alcoholic and re being told that it's OK to just show up to " show others that it can be done" - share your lifes problems, bring cookies and make coffee and shake hands with a newcomer in the parking lot and that THAT stuff is a sufficient substitute for what the co-founders prescribe as a vital and necessary part of the AA Program of recovery - then you are being lied to and are in great danger and it is no wonder that you think you think that you will "never recover" . I believe you. You are probably correct.

The 'Circle' in the Circle and Triangle isn't a freakin' Scooter Pie, OK?

Peace,

Danny S

* The co-authors may have been wrong since Herbert Spenser cannot be attributed to this quote. See here.

"Give Me Knowledge and Power . . . .

2008-08-24T13:04:00.014-04:00

. . . . Or You Shall Rue The Day You Ever Became A God or Whatever Omnipotent Genius or Czar of the Heavens You Claim To Be.

Amen" Stewie Griffin

What if while practicing Step Eleven - asking God for "knowledge of His will" for you and "the power to carry it out" - and he actually gave it to you?

Can you be trusted with it? I mean, what is the point of having a step eleven unless it can happen. Right?

Someone brought up a similar idea the other day in the comments sectionof this very blog - the 'comfortability factor' in claiming to know what "God" wants for us. You know what he is talking about I am sure. After all, we do have a step in which we pray “only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

WOW. Knowledge and power. Seems like dangerous possessions for the self-centered selfish alcoholic fool doesn’t it - like Plankton in "Spongebob" or Stewie in "Family Guy" - always looking for new and ingenious ways to gain world domination and power over others - invariable stepping on everyone's toes in the process. Not to mention looking pretty damned foolish in the end.

Well the toning-down of this idea and taming of the ego comes quite abruptly the moment we realize that it is not our will but Gods will for which we are asking knowledge and it is God's will for us and not for others. For the self-centered, selfish former problem drinker it gets even worse from there because once we are in Step Eleven we have had a spiritual awakening and self seeking is no longer running our lives. We have turned our lives and wills over to God's care and he is now in charge of it without the usual amount of interference we had previously been throwing into the works - the Sixth Sense is now developing and we hare seeing God at work in our lives - not to mention that the desire to drink has long been irradiated.

But there is something else. I have always been very wary of folks who go around telling us how "God said" this to me and "God revealed to me" that. VERY suspicious and disturbing people in my view - a big turn off - and frankly - quite a bit kooky, in my estimation.
However:

"What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it." (86:3)

Personally I have found this to be absolutely true - but I have been a Twelve Step 'practitioner' for ten tears now and I believe a fair enough amount of time to accumulate experiences that I can relate to others with it. The 'catch' or ‘safety net’ to Step Eleven is that we ask not only for the "knowledge of His will" but also "the power to carry it out."

One without the other is useless.

Times when I had been wrong - you know, made one of those absurd and arrogant presumptions of what I thought "GOD'S will" was for me, I never had to "power" to carry it out anyway - so even though I tried to do what I THOUGHT was "God's will" - I was spinning my wheels.

Cool safety net - and smart cookie that "God" fella. He sure seems to have thought of everything.

Peace,

Danny S

Have You Seen God Lately?

2008-08-23T12:48:00.022-04:00

How Simple Do You Want It?

Some people really hate to have God mentioned in AA meetings. They have decided that it is better to skirt - hide - conceal - postpone bringing up “GOD” or spirituality to the newcomers because it might scare him off. They justify this because they themselves would have been scared off and the theory is that if THAT happened they’d be dead right now.

That is not IT at all. They would have been scared off because they were not willing to go to any length - even God - and THAT is the requirement around AA - not a requirement for membership - do not play that old dog-eared booger-stained card on me - but a requirement for recovery! Lots of people get those two things confused. Non-alcoholic - alcohol abusers incapable of reaching the alcoholic bottom have a way of finding an easier-softer way don't they? Good for them! But . . .

How often do we have hear, “Well, the last time I looked the only requirement for membership was a desire to stop drinking.” Of course! We are not questioning membership requirements!

Meetings are not membership committees! We are talking about recovery! We are supposed to be people who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of body and mind - we call that alcoholism. We call ourselves "recovered alcoholics" just like Bill, Bob, Clarence, and hundreds of others did back when AA was founded and onward - and there are things that we had to do and any alcoholic must do to have that happen. Asshole! Now sit down.

Alcoholics fitting AA's "Our description of the alcoholic" DIE unless they can get to God. People who can "Just don't drink" are solving their particular drinking problem using a method that true alcoholics die trying to practice! They don't think so - but that is because it did not almost happen to them and they haven't buried enough dead. We who are out on the firing line - working with others - taking men and families the Twelves Steps have gone to too many funeral of alcoholics who just went to "lots of meeting" - "put the plug in the jug" - were talked out of "doing the steps too fast" and were told to "stay away from that Big Book Nazi - and just tried to "stay away from one drink for one day" and to "HOLD ON TILL MIDNIGHT". What a fucking way to live!

That is NOT freedom from alcohol. That is some other kind of addiction - addiction to the clock, to the fellowship and to slogans and living the life of a POP-AA Hobbyist - addicted to people and meetings and "sharing" their problems instead of letting God solve them. YUCH! And what a way to die. Just because THEY could use their willpower to go to meetings and just not drink - then EVERYONE should be able to do it too. What arrogance.

There are MUSTS if you want to recover from alcoholism. Not just "me" - YOU TOO - if you are an alcoholic like I am. Any alcoholic desiring to stop drinking can call himself a member of AA - no one can change that - nor would they I hope. What we Big Book thumpers are talking about is getting well and having the desire to drink completely removed and never struggling with it again -- being useful and helpful in carrying the "this" message to other sufferers - we are talking about recovering from alcoholism for good and for all. To do THAT there are requirements, rules and even some of the dreaded “musts” that go WAY beyond the desiring “to stop drinking” requirement for ‘membership’.

Stop trying to confuse everyone with your lack of reading comprehension skills. Will ya?

There are plenty of very valid, bona fide members who have absolutely no desire to have a spiritual awakening. They have no desire to recover from alcoholism - instead they wish to say that that they are forever recovering. I don’t know why. I think they are crazy. After all, the Big book provides a great spiritual plan which will give us full recovery forever - but hey - ces't la vie. They have no desire to help others, take the steps, pray daily, meditate daily, do daily inventories or make amends. For them there is something else about being “in AA” that floats their boat.

Maybe it's to get their pee pees wet, many alcoholic predatory men have discovered how much promiscuous 'baggage' crack addicted woman who are sent to the wrong Fellowship carry with them - bastards.

Perhaps it is to get into Guinness's World record book for caffeine consumption, satisfy a court order or a spouse with flames spraying like Napalm-B from their nostrils and an iron skillet behind their back. I suspect many of them are following some "addictions counselors" advice to do "ninety meetings in ninety days" as if that were a treatment for alcoholism - I don't know -- and bully for them if they keep it to themselves and allow real alcoholics to hear the spiritual message of real recovery for real alcoholics. But they don’t.

When I sponsor someone I tell them right off, what Cliff B taught me years ago “I don’t give a damn what YOU do! I am here only to tell you what I did and what happened to me as the result. If you want the same result then you are free to do what I did to get it and I will bend over backwards if necessary to help you do that. Beyond that you are on your own”. I don’t cajole. I don’t threaten. I don’t try to scare. I tell them what happened to me - all the good shit - as the result of having had a spiritual awakening as the result to these step and then if they want to do what I - that they co-founders and co-authors of "Alcoholics Anonymous" did to have that happens - I show them what I did.

How simpler can it possibly be than that?

Peace,

Danny S

Skulls Crack

2008-08-21T09:08:00.031-04:00

Trying To Define Alcoholism

I get to read a lot of articles about “alcoholism”. People send them to me mostly. Others come through a clipping service I employ. There are articles about this discovery and that discovery - about this genetic cause for alcoholism or that medication being studied for treatment purposes.

I have learned to take these, not with grains of salt, but with handfuls of the hard rock variety - the kind you toss on your doorsteps in February so you don’t slip and crack your skull wide opened.

That is what it feels like after I read too many of these things. My brain hurts at times. It is hard to form an intelligent opinion on much of this stuff that floats around out there on news-wires and broadcasts since none of "us" - people interested in others with alcohol problems - ever seem to be on the same page when describing or thinking about "alcoholism."

Some call it a "dependence" some call it an "addiction" some call it "substance abuse" and then there are a dozen or more different ways of describing "alcoholism" itself - with no one agreeing on one idea or describing it at all.

The world is all over the map with no one agreeing on just what is alcoholism. AA described it for their purposes over seventy years ago and now the "for fee" industry is expanding that to widening definitions to include a broader based "paying" markets - for its own profit making purposes. Some might say they are "hijacking" for revision the "description of the alcoholic" - I guess that depends on your perspective.

When it comes to alcoholism I'm a pure AA man myself. I go with what is described in their book, "Alcoholics Anonymous" the book from which the Fellowship derives it's name. That's what I use cause that's what I got - and I hang with people who got what I got! Then, when I did what the co-authors did I also Got what hey got - I got a spiritual awakening and consequentially all of my problems were solves - EVEN INCURABLE ALCOHOLISM! I am equally convinced that diseases like cancer diabetes and heart disease can also be resolved through such awakenings.

I have experienced relief from chronic colitis, diverticular disease, high blood lipids, depression, anxiety, advanced arthritis and even financial problems and the dreaded "FEAR OF FINANCIAL INSECURITY" - all as the result of spiritual awakenings and spiritual growth. My kids are well adjusted and emotionally secure. My relationship with my wife is healthy and we are happy. Our home bursts with jocularity and contentment when we are all together - like a circus tent. No one is ill - no one is sick - there is no fighting or yelling or screaming beyond an occasion misunderstanding - and even then anger is never a problem. These are not hearsay 'wonders' to me. These are problems that a loving God has solved and gifts that He has given to and for us so that we could become useful on this planet. At least I am convinced that that is why He did it. It certainly is not because I deserve it for my saintly lifestyle.

Here is another "cool" thang . . . . . I am not afraid to tell you about any of it. I have no fear that I will 'jinx' it if I do - as if these things are because of sort of fairy's charm and if the fairy hears me talk about it she'll snap it away from us. Or because some tricky god up there will interpret my story as exhibiting braggadocio and egotism - so therefore I must be taught a lesson and be stricken with financial ruin and disease and drinking. I am not afraid that the "other shoe" will drop - because we have faith - faith in a LOVING GOD, not in some ogre in the sky just waiting for us to slip up so he can yank our happiness away - give us cancer and force us into fear of financial insecurity.

See?

This is ALL from having a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps. They are not from "Doin' another AWOL" - Jeeeze do you AWOL people ever freakin recover or ever even come out here into the trenches to twelve step other alkies? They are not from "One Day at A Time" either. They are not because I "Just don't drink." and they sure as shit aren't from "Going to lots of meetings".

It all began when first I learned to concede to my innermost self that I was alcoholic. But how could I ever have done that if I did not now what alcoholisms is - how hopeless the solution without divine intervention? I cannot. I can run around yelling, "I AM AN ALCOHOLIC" all I want - but if I use any description other than the one, the AA one, which depicts hopelessness then I will always have some hope - call it "the lurking notion" - that I can "share" my way out - 'doctor' my way out - 'rehab my way out' or use my self-will as in "JUST DON'T DRINK". All of these mean that I think that I have Power over alcohol and if any of these work - then I DO - and don't need a spiritual awakening to get in touch with God so He can hand His power over to flow through me and remove the problem - ALL my problems.

When some journalist or doctor is writing his findings or opinions about what he calls alcoholism - it may or may not -- probably not -- apply to anything that I know to be what I got.

Even within the fellowship itself - we have so many folks with outside ideas, brought in from their rehab adventures of what alcoholism is that are so completely foreign to AA's "description of the alcoholic" that they must steer clear of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous or else undergo such a severe cases of Cognitive Dissonance I doubt that the county's mental health system could bear the load if they all would seek help at one time.

This is so predominant that hardly anyone in AA's own membership can tell you if asked what “Our description of the alcoholic” actually is. Which means that they cannot help other alcoholics do anything even close to recovering.

For what description has the AA Fellowship developed a Program? I can tell you that it most likely is not the description you were given by your friendly counselor in at the detox center. For the most part - AAs description of the alcoholic is bad for business if you are in the treatment business. AA s description automatically eliminates a solution through human aid - and the treatment industry and "addictions" counselors are in the business of providing human aid.

Haven't you ever wondered why it is that you were more confused about AA and the Twelve Steps after you got out of rehab than when you first went in? It's true isn't it? You're damned right it is - and that is no accident.

If, as your Big Book explains, you have " passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid" (25:3) then those who provide such human aid cannot be included in your recovery which means that you are not a source of money to them.

Do you see now how important it is for the treatment industry to REDEFINE alcoholism - to take it back from Alcoholics Anonymous - and how if they do not then they have no industry?

If I fit Dr. Phil’s idea of alcoholism don’t you think that I might do well to pursue the Dr. Phil’s solution? I think so. If I fit AA’s idea of alcoholism does it not make sense to reject Dr. Drew Pinky’s concepts and pursue AA’s solution?

Shouldn't I find out who's description I fit so that I can seek help from the appropriate person or organization?

How can I ever have an intelligent conversation with someone say, Dr. Drew, if he thinks that alcoholism is determined by consequences of drinking - he does - and I think it is a mental obsession combined with a physical allergy? We cannot have that conversation - we would both be hitting our heads against each others - getting nowhere.

Let’s use the tiniest bit of common sense here, all right? If Dr. Drew prescribes ten hours a week of psycho therapy and anger management for my alcoholism and THAT WORKS - then what the hell do I need a AA for? And if AA prescribes a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps - wouldn’t I be foolish to ignore that and instead follow Dr. Phil’s advice? I will be told that I need AA for “group support” because that’s what AA is turned into. It is no longer a spiritual entity the sole purpose of which is “sobriety: Freedom from alcohol through the teaching and practice of the twelve steps.” it is now feeling “Happy joyous and free” through “sharing”. Apparently there are folks out there who if they are happy enough, joyous enough and free enough then they "Just wont drink". WOW. I wish I could do that.

My solution would have been "Just join the circus." What a clown I' d have made.

No one is on the same page when it comes to describing alcoholism. Alcoholic Anonymous uses a very specific description and has a program designed to treat that description. It may not be designed to treat your type of drinking problem. Not everyone who has a drinking problem is going to fit AAs description of the alcoholic.

Not sure what AA's "our description of the alcoholic" is? It is on pages one through 43 of the book, "Alcoholics Anonymous". Maybe it would be an intelligent thing to do - to learn it - before saying "I am an alcoholic" in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous - unless you know what that means.

Peace,

Danny S

PS - Have you ever noticed that the co-authors of the Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous" never say that they have "defined" alcoholism - only that they "describe" it? In fact they offer no definitions of anything!

Do you know why that is? I think that we can see why that is - and fairly easily too. More on that exact topic later next week.

Atheists Can Recover Too

2008-08-20T13:35:00.027-04:00

When they 'come to believe'

In the fellowship there are "Haves" and there are "Have Nots" I know . . . I know. There is the kind of person who recovers and there is the kind that does not. (149:3)

It sounds divisive. It is divisive. I didn't create the divide. I didn't polarize the fellowship. lease don't shoot the messenger. Those who have decided to re-write the AA Program and bring in their outside issues and new solutions from their counselors, shrinks and TV shows that are nothing more than Public Relations devices and promotional tools for high priced rehab centers - like VH1's "Celebrity Rehab" or A&Es "Intervention" * - have -- and those who blindly assumed that those people and program are correct have. I just observe it - and you have observed it too. I think it is just as suckey as you probably do but what is the point in pretending that it does not exist.

There is no "I am better than you" inherent in such observations - but I will tell you that it is infinitively better to recover from alcoholism than not to recover - and if you don't believe that then your are some kind of nut.

Just because one does not drink anymore and gets to keep a paycheck does not mean everyone else gets to enjoy it too - not if I am still a miserable, restless bastard who could really use a drink.

I have lived as a "Still recovering" "Just don't drink today and everything will be OK" - "If I didn't drink today then I am a winner" kind of AA alcoholic for enough years to compare it well with being currently and fully recovered. For non-alcoholics who have merely a drinking problem to overcome that type of living might be just fine - but for the true alcoholic like me and maybe you - its is one of the crumbiest ways to live life imaginable.

Haven't we lived in a fantasy world long enough during our drinking lives? I speak of course of those who have "had a spiritual awakening" as the result of these steps . . . . .

and . . . . . those who have not - especially those who have no intention of having one - aren't doing squat to have one - and are telling newcomer alcoholics that that is perfectly fine.

That would include those who think that since they cannot recall having had a spiritual awakening then they must be having "spiritual awakenings of the educational variety".

If you are not one hundred percent sure whether or not you have had the spiritual awakening of the type that we are promised the Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous" - the kind the co-authors and co-founders of AA had - one powerful enough to expel the desire to drink - to change the entire psyche of the human condition - then you haven't had one!

Lots of interesting and curious question come up within the AA Fellowship as well as from outside that look in to AA membership for answers. The answers given to such questions usually only serve to confuse an already confused membership as well as the public about AA. Maybe that is good. The minute everyone figures us out we'll probably be 'taxed' or regulated by the government and they will have finally figured out a way to have God Himself to file a 1040.

The question often comes up because as a fellowship AA has only a small percentage of its own “members” who have taken and who actually practice its own twelve step program and consequently recover from alcoholism.

To understand how sign significant this is one has to realize one important thing that many of us inside of AA's membership have not been taught or even bothered to learn - that the one single reason to take the twelve steps is to have a spiritual awakening as the result. That's it!

It isn't to stop drinking. It isn't to help others. It isn't to find God. Hold on now - BUT the results of the spiritual awakening WILL BE ALL OF THOSE THINGS! and hundred more. You WILL stop drinking. You WILL help others and you WILL find God. We only get ONE result of the twelve steps - - but we get a shitload of promised results kept as the result of the awakening. Get it?

Those are the facts of the Twelve Steps that become crystal clear to any alcoholic one once they are diligently pursued.

I want to circulate a new "script" to be read at the beginning of AA meetings in place of "The Promises" We can call them "The Surprises". Hey, we can start with the "Tenth Step "Surprises". Think it will catch on? Nah. Probably not

Real alcoholics pursuing the steps to "stop drinking" or even more disappointing - 'to have an intellectual awakening' - are still doomed until such time as they pursue first the Sunlight of the Spirit. Sometimes they slip right into that place during the early stages of the process - and that is good - so I don't judge motives when working with others - only that they 'want to stop drinking forever' and are willing to go to any length. Any length includes hiring me. You gotta be really bad-off to be willing to take the likes of me into your life, I'll tell you.

Since “practicing the steps” is not a requirement for attending AA meetings there is mix of those who HAVE and those who HAVE NOT “had a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps“ and consequently “recovered” from alcoholism - so when you ask a question like “Can atheists be in AA” you will get quite a mix of answers.

One real good question is regarding atheists in AA. There are AA groups which purport to be comprised of atheists. I am not kidding. Can they call themselves an AA Group? Hellyeah! As long as they are alkies.

I have never seen anyone get kicked out of the fellowship for being atheist. As long as they are alcoholic is all that matters for membership. To actually ‘recover’ well, that’s another story altogether - not altogether a negative one though.

You will get opinions about the twelve steps from those who haven’t actually experienced them, and opinions about God from those who have not actually developed nor maintain a communication with Him and then you will get real-life experiences with the steps from those who have actually experienced them and who have developed a flow of power and guidance from God and have become very “God conscious“.

My experience is that atheistic and agnostic alcoholics will not be prevented from recovery because the program does not allow them to remain atheist or agnostics and still recover from alcoholism.

Once they experience the miracle of recovery by simply “trying” the steps they embrace a God who reveals Himself to them they find that they have been wrong all along - that there is a God - and the proof they needed is right there now in their lives to develop and strengthen a faith in Him. It is truly a miraculous thing. I am privileged to be involved in such an avocation I must tell you. I have worked with many agnostics, and those claiming to be atheist and those who claim to be “the faithful” yet were really a agnostic - it’s a big mixed bag.

* Boy, those places and their owners/investors will never go broke now, will they?

Peace,

Danny S

Jane You Ignorant Slut

2008-08-17T17:02:00.051-04:00

Alcoholics Anonymous must be run by a bunch of drunks. It is a twelve step fellowship - one where if you attend one of their meetings and want to articulate your experiences with those twelve steps - someone or even many someone’s’ will object to your talking about it. Chances are you may even be “cross talked” - those little heiney spanking egologues where one gets spanked - into happy-horse-shit, church basement oblivion for daring to mention God or the Steps in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous - even if it is your experience - by a self appointed bleeding deacon who 'does not know how this works he just know that it does.' EEEYUCH!

You may now swallow the vomit that you just throw up into your mouth.

How darest thou speak of your experiences with the Twelve Steps and a spiritual awakening or experience that you have had as the result of those steps in a meeting of a Twelve Step fellowship! But if you want to talk about how you have NO experience with the twelve steps - and how you "Keep It Simple" by not doing shit - then that is just fine and dandy!

By the way, 'cross talk' is often nothing more than grinning idiotic attacks made on your own experience - indirectly ad hominem - naturally. They can often be more ‘Point-Counterpoint’ than a constructive addendum that can be helpful to others which is what crosstalk is supposed to be. The only thing missing is “Jane you ignorant slut.” Or “Danny you idiotic douche bag”.

Fact is I am perfectly capable of being an idiotic douche bag - but when I am talking to others about my relationship with God and the spiritual awakening I have had through the Twelve Steps - I am about as wise, noble and divinely inspired as any other recovered alcoholic who through the grace of a loving God has had their problems solved and been given the power to help others. I am not so sickeningly self-deprecated as to cross into that creepy false modestly that we hear so often in meetings, so that I don’t know the power that I have been given - that you have too - if you have recovered. If you have not recovered . . . .. eh, then not so much. If you will NEVER recover - then you can be sure that you will NEVER have the power to help others. Being 'right sized' means not too big - but it also means not too small. Size matters baby!

You people out there trying to INJECT God into to your idiotic open discussion meetings that have about as much spiritual power in them as a wet fart in church are walking out of those meetings with two black eyes and bloody noses. I know that. Other of you are just going home adding AA meetings and people in them to your nightly inventory.

Is THIS how you imagined our fellowship to be when you first came around - a constant struggle with truth and anger and faith and love and hate and intolerance and patience - being made to feel like a stranger in your own fellowship? After a while, you have this very important question: “WTF?”

Look. We are NOT going to 'OUTSHARE' our way through the thick of POP-AA bullshale that surrounds us and that is choking the newcomers to death - pushing them back into their cups and bottles that bring them in to us in the first place.

We do not have to be martyrs. Martyrs bleed a lot. They also get buried and do more good dead than alive - - and we need you alive so you can Twelve Step others.

I know what you are up against. There are people who actually come to meetings specifically to tell newcomers what their inexperience is with the twelve steps.

It can best be heard in their own words, which sound like, “I don’t drink and I never took the steps - so you don’t have to either. People that tell you to do the steps are creeps and Nazis’ and we who don’t do the steps are your best bet for sobriety. Ignore that this is a spiritual fellowship or anyone who tells you it is and just show up and don‘t drink.”

Is it no wonder that such a large percentage of the entire Addictions Treatment industry scoffs - laughs at us - and advertises “NON-TWELVE STEP” rehabilitation programs for sale?

It reminds me of the "Have It Your" ad campaign of Burger Kings back in the 70s where "The King" is going after the dissatisfied McDonald's customers who were turned off by McDonald's employees only begrudgingly helping customer's to customize their sandwiches. It was genius marketing then and it probably is now too. And AA has dug its own whole and permitted it - just like arrogant McDonald's had back then.

Not everyone who comes to AA HAS TO have a spiritual awakening as the result of the Twelve Steps in order to remain sober. That is the Gods honest truth. There are many who can just get sick and tired enough and stop. The fellowship is full of folks just like that. Not everyone has to - because not everyone IS an alcoholic of our type.

Or another term that goes back to AAs very beginnings: “One of us”. If you are "one of us" then you are going to drink even if you are "sick and tired or being sick and tired."

There has been an infiltration into AA of interlopers who have decided that they do not need to qualify for membership anymore, that anyone “with a desire to stop drinking” even non-alcoholics, can become members. They have surgically cut and pasted a few cherry picked lines out of AA literature to "prove" their right to ignore our Traditions in their entirety and to do things their way while the fellowship melts away into it's own soupy remains.

At most of the meetings I attend the great majority of attendees are not members of Alcoholics Anonymous - even if they SAY they are. Such declarative power is granted only to ‘Alcoholics’ fitting AA’s “Our description of the alcoholic”. Of course there are those reading this who getting pissed off at me for even writing this, but I’ll bet that they want everyone to use THEIR description and not “Our description” which is clearly delineated in the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous”. It is no wonder then that so many of us have been hypnotically hit with the idea that “cramming a big book down our throats” happens when we suggest the Program of AA called The Twelve Steps?

The Big Book, Step One in particular - is a wonderful 'filter' to ensure that only alcoholics hold the privilege of becoming members "when they say so".

After the fact it also exposes the non-alcoholic frauds already inside the rooms for what they are - just assholes who liked to drink too much - too often and needed to get the hot torch off their burning asses - and so they put the plug in the jug and started coming to AA meetings.

No spiritual awakening to solve the problem. No working with other alcoholics. No new avocation or Employer - just "don't drink and go to meetings" and that is all they need or want.

I’ll tell you what. I had that NO GOD and NO STEPS crap crammed down my throat and it damn near killed me. DO you know why? It was not because I suffered from a disease that ninety meetings in ninety days could conquer - or that “just showing up” could conquer or that “asking God to keep me away from a drink for one day and thanking Him at night” could conquer.

It was because I was suffering “from an illness that only a spiritual experience can conquer.” (44:0)

If you do suffer from a disease that meetings and human aid can conquer well, then that is good news for you. But we true alcoholics are beyond human aid. I think that’s why Big Book Thumpers are thought to be so mean and rigid sometimes - We are pissed off that we had to do all that hard work and change the ways we live from the moment we awaken in the morning - before we even get out of bed . . . .all throughout the day . . . . and then up until the moment we are ready to sleep at night - in order to stay sober.

Shit . . . . all everyone else had to do was “just don’t drink and go to meetings.” It isn’t fair! Going to any length for some of us is about as hard as having to go to meetings every day. THAT’S HARD? How long is your length? an inch? Once again size seem to count. But oh my gosh - what a freakin' cakewalk when compared to what me and the alcoholics with whom I hang have have to do - and still do in maintaining it.

You meeting addicted, people dependent, POP-AA, middle-of-the-road, AA Hobbyists are such lucky bastards! Just suit up and show up and the magic in the coffee pots escapes like a genie in a bottle and fixes you right up - and you are now happy joyous and free. HOT DAMN!

You all don’t even have to sponsor others. You think you have to wait a year or whatever other crap some still recovering newcomer with “a few 24s” or twenty years of sobriety “under his belt” told you. Man, you guys get off so easy!

And therein lies the solution. Primary Purpose - helping other alcoholics recover from alcoholism - and means getting into a group situation where that group will carry the message of sobriety: freedom from alcohol thorough the teaching and practice of the twelve steps. Doing that is when the fellowship we crave forms around us like a shield.

So the next time you seem overtaken by "easier softer way" types - made to feel like you have only little in common with the folks sitting in the same room with you - just remember that there are seats in that room that YOU can fill by getting off your fat flat alcoholic ass -going out and bringing in our own - real true alcoholics of our type - and if you do that then that room will get so hot that the interlopers in there for cheap buck an hour group therapy sessions will have to go find somewhere else to go. That may be back to a treatment center where they came from - but we cannot help the world with all of its problems even if those problems - to the untrained eye - sometimes seem to mimic alcoholism. When it comes to alcoholism, we ARE the pros - let's act like it and get to work prospecting new blood for a Fellowship of the Spirit and let the 'fellowship of the fellowship' run away scared or simply drop by the wayside to do it's own thing.

Whatever I do I am NOT going to stop going to meetings because I don't like what the people are saying there. It is true - they might be talking shit about everything under the sun except Primary Purpose but I am going to go anyway because that's where another alcoholic might show up and if he does not run into the likes of ME or you then his ass is scuhroooooowed - and so is is little kids and wife he is leaving behind in tears wondering how come daddy doesn't love them anymore. I have no right to discard AA because of a self-centered idea that I should there to "Get what I need". The selfish bastards who think that way make me sick to my stomach. I do have a duty to show up and bring the newcomer what HE needs - and that is God.

Peace,

Danny S