Sleepy Girl's Blog

Attention!

2005-06-28T17:04:00.000+03:00

My first day at my summer job is over. Four more weeks to go. I work from Mondays to Saturdays, so on Sundays I'll sleep extremely late and try to recover from a possible hangover. It's not a glamorous job or anything like that, but I'll get some much needed money from it so I'll try not to complain. What exactly I do? I sell strawberries on a market.

It's a nice job, any idiot (which means I barely qualify) could do it plus you get to shoot the shit with strangers, mostly old ladies. Today wasn't a very busy day, it was cold and a bit windy and it started to rain at the end. That meant that I just stood there a lot, shivering in the cold while few people rushed by with no intention of buying anything.

All in all it was an okay day, didn't screw up much, hopefully. Afterwards I wasn't really tired and sales have began so I decided to go shopping a bit. Not that I really had any need of buying something, I just wanted to see what was out there and maybe try something on.

I went to a couple of shops, didn't really see anything I'd have liked, but kept on shopping. At this one place I found a couple of nice looking pants so I decided to try them on. I went to one of those tiny booths where you try the clothes on, but the pants didn't really look good on me, so I sighed and decided it was time to go home. Just when I was putting my own pants on, I noticed there was something yellow in the back of my jeans. As it turned out, there was this quite noticeable yellow sticker that had "attention!" written on it with big letters and then some other scribble with smaller letters. It was one of those stickers that are on new jeans (at least in H&M) that tell what size and style and whatnot the jeans are.

So this means I had a yellow sticker that read "attention!" on my ass all day, so that people who walked behind me from the parking lot to the market place, the customers in the market place plus a whole bunch of non-customers that just strolled by, and the people who I passed during my after-work-shopping-spree gave my backside some attention because, well, the sticker on my ass apparently demanded it. I wish I was fucking kidding. How could that happen, you may ask? Well I bought those jeans yesterday, so they were brand new and packed with stupid stickers and other new-jeans-crap that H&M likes to put on their clothes, those motherfuckers. This morning, before I put them on, I removed all those things, but obviously I had missed the yellow fucking "attention!" sticker.

Buuut, I'm sort of over this by now, because this is not the first embarrassing thing that has happened to me (there has been even worse than this), and this definitely wont be the last, so the best thing to do is just let it go. Tomorrow is a new day, and I'll make sure my ass will be attention free.

Finland Diary

2005-05-28T11:19:00.000+03:00

Quite a few newspapers here in Finland have reported about this.

Could this be the beginning of a beautiful shoe fetish?

2005-05-18T18:02:00.000+03:00

I've always found it hard to relate to women who are shoe'o'holics. I'm taller than average women, so my feet have felt the need to be proportional, which means that they are huge. Well, not weirdly huge, but again, bigger than average. So for me, finding pretty shoes, such as high heeled ones are extremely hard, because shops usually provide small, average and slightly-above-average size shoes. When I go shopping I look at all those gorgeous shoes, sigh heavily and wish I'd have the courage to cut my toes off so my feet would fit those shoes. But then again I wouldn't be a pretty sight in sandals.

This is one of the reasons I steer clear from shoe shops. The other reasons is that I'm financially limited (read: poor) most of the time. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate shoes (I even love the Manolo), I just hate that my size is rarely available, and when it is, the shoes are almost always ugly. But there are times when new and pretty shoes need to be bought, for parties and such, like graduation (which is upon me in two and a half weeks). So yesterday I decided that it was time for me to start the hunt of a fitting-and-hopefully-somewhat-appealing shoes.

Every time I go shopping I find myself cursing all those petite pretty women and their small shoe sizes, and this time was no different. I went from a shoe shop to another, but the biggest size those shops had to offer was one size too small for me. Again, my feet are not that big, even though it might sound like they are,so try to get rid off that mental image of huge hairy hobbit feet.

Anyway, just when I was about to give up and trying to convince myself that going to my graduation barefooted would be trendy, I saw them. They were high heeled sandals, there were two colors, black and white. I chose to admire the black ones, since they matched my dress better. I didn't even dare to dream that the shop would have those in my size, but still I very casually took a peek what sizes were available. To my surprise I found one pair that was my size, but nevertheless, the actual size of the shoe vary even if the number doesn't, so I wasn't going to go all gigglely squee until I'd tried them on. Ready to be disappointed and ashamed of my huge feet I cautiously slipped my foot in. Without much struggle I manage to get the shoe on. I slipped the other one on too, and walked towards the mirrors, and then it happened: angels began to sing their praises, dark clouds disappeared from the sky and the sun came out. I had found my first pair of pretty-with-heels-and-OMG-THEY-FIT shoes.

Now I can't get enough of them. I touch them, I put them on, I dream how super fantastic I look when I'm wearing them. Now I feel like I'm starting to understand Carrie a little bit more.

Uncle Eyeball, are you out there?

2005-04-20T15:55:00.000+03:00

I live in a relatively small town. There's a few shops and grocery stores and such, but nothing more really. Everybody knows everyone, if not by name, by looks anyway, since whenever you go to the grocery store or to the bank or whatever you'll see the same familiar faces. Which is nice, I kind of like the small town feel and all, but I'm probably saying this because I'm leaving this teeny tiny town behind me (hopefully) in the fall, and I'm just being nostalgic. There was a time when I hated living here in the middle of nowhere, but I have manage to smother those feelings of isolation and utter boredom.

When you see the same faces over and over again, you get accustomed to them, and those people sort become your buddies. Not that I'd go and talk to them just because I always see them, because they are still strangers an lets not forget what our moms told us about strangers. What I mean is that when you see the local drunks at the park bench which they have been occupying for years and years, you get that warm and fuzzy feeling inside knowing that they are doing okay (relatively speaking).

So now I'll talk a little bit about Uncle Eyeball. There's these couple benches where old people and little kids sit down in front of the main grocery store here. It's often occupied with random old timers, but there's always this one man, Uncle Eyeball, who sits there almost every single time I go into that place. The reason why I named him Uncle Eyeball is because he always stares at me. First, I thought it was because I'm sort of easy on the eyes (but then again, when you are a 60+ year-old male, every female who is under 60 is easy on the eyes), but it turned out that he eyeballs pretty much everyone who passes him.

First when I realized he was staring at me, it was kind of creepy. After a while I got used to it. It's not like he was going to attack me and rape or something, because, you know, he could barely walk. It became like the thing with the drunks: it was good to know that he was there, sitting and eyeballing people like always.

Sadly, I haven't seen him lately, which is unusual. I was in the grocery store today and I checked the bench, but there was no Uncle Eyeball to be seen. Just some random old people. This got me kind of worried, I mean who knows, he might have died. Even though I didn't know anything about him, except that he liked to stare at people, it's sort of sad if he has died, because he was (is..?) a somewhat important part of this town to me.

Lazy

2005-04-19T10:35:00.000+03:00

Entrance exams for universities are coming up, and I should be studying my ass off right now. Instead, I spend my days browsing the web looking for hot pictures of handsome men and reading useless information. I'm feeling like slob these days, but today will be different! I already cleaned my desk (well, kind of..) so I wont have any distractions when I eventually hit the books.

And I will hit the books... I just have to make a few google picture searches first.

Drained

2005-03-30T19:07:00.000+03:00

Those huge tests that I was talking about in my last post are now over. I managed to get some good results from some of them, but there were few that went worse than I expected. I don't get the final result until May, though, so nothing is definite yet, but I think I'll manage to get into some university with those results. Now it's time to start studying for entrance exams...

The thing is, I'm not sure what and where I want to study in the future. I keep browsing through this book where's a list of all the universities and such, but I'm just not sure. I have this image in my head where I'm in debt with a good-for-nothing degree and working at McDonald's. There's nothing wrong with working at McDonald's, but if I find myself serving BicMacs when I'm forty, I'll officially be pathetic. I just want to study something that I'm good at and that I like, and that getting a decent job with that degree wouldn't be extremely difficult.

Meh. I feel kind of pressured all the time. I feel like I have to live up to my family's expectations, but It's just my expectations I can't live up to. Or, you know, am not going to live up to if I can't get to a university or wasting a year or two studying something that I don't like. Plus I think my friends hate me. And I think I'm a loser. And I have gained a few pounds. Also, I have some zits in my face. And whine whine whineeeeee.

...anyway, I'm sure things will turn out alright eventually, I just feel pretty worthless right now.

Obsession

2005-02-19T17:04:00.000+02:00

So I had realization while I was shaking my ass in a club this weekend. School ended, sort of, there's still big ass tests coming up this spring and graduation celebration (that is if I pass those big ass tests) in June, but I don't have to go there everyday anymore. So this obviously meant that there was people my age partying all night long at clubs and bars and such. Me and a few of my pals also went to celebrate. I was excited, because I was expecting to do some kissing and groping with some nice-looking boys.

I looked cute (I think and hope), I danced like they do on music videos and I tried not to say mean things to men so they wouldn't think I'm a frosty bitch. At some point when I was shaking my behind, as I said earlier, I realized that I didn't really want to kiss and grope anyone from there. Why the sudden change of heart, you might perhaps ask yourself if you have bothered to read this post? Well, I scouted the dance floor thoroughly, but like I said, none of those strange men really interested me enough to make me exchange spit with them. This is because I compared them to Mr. Nice Posture. If you are not familiar with this person (which is probably the case, because I highly doubt that you read my blog regularly. But if you do, leave me a comment, call me, let's go and have a beer, I'm sure we'll be best buds!), I suggest you read my earlier posts Daydream believer and Damn you, possessed vacuum cleaner!.

Yes indeed, I actually had this thought running through my head: "I'm so bored, I don't want to kiss these guys, I wish I could kiss Mr. Nice Posture. I wish he was here. Oh crap, my belly is bulging out." I'm am an obsessed freak, I tell you. I don't even know him that well. I mean I know something about him, because I'm a pretty good stalker, but I only have talked with him once, and that wasn't really communicating, so I can't really say that I have actually talked with him for real. But that doesn't mean that I wont forever cherish (Or, you know, until I find another man to obsess about) those 5 seconds when we exchanged stupid words.

My problem is that I think he likes me too, but I'm not sure. He's always looking at me and his body language sort of sends me this come-on-closer-vibe. But occasionally, when I'm rational, I realize that this is just my brain twisting things again. I mean, this is probably closer to the truth:

Me: Oh there's Mr. Nice Posture. He's totally into me too, I just know it. There's no way he has a girlfriend because he has the hots for me. And if he does have one, he's just keeping himself busy until he gets the courage to ask me out. After that he'll dump that skank whoever she is.

Mr. Nice Posture: Oh shit! There's that crazy person who's always staring at me. She is SO creepy. Don't look, don't look! Oh no, I looked! Now my body is cringing again.

Me: There's that body language again! I'm totally getting this "You and me, in the guys bathroom, lets go and have a quickie before my math class starts"-vibe out of him. I'm never wrong about these things.

Valentine's Day Eve

2005-02-13T18:45:00.000+02:00

Ah, Valentine's day. I remember when I was about 9 or so I had a crush on this cute boy who was a year older than me. We were friends, sort of, but our relationship never really got off. Such a shame. Though, I do remember this one intense moment between us when we were playing mushroom-war (yeah, with real mushrooms in the woods... don't ask). We hid behind trees while throwing mushroom at our enemies, and we laughed and smiled and stared at each other in the eyes. Then when Valentines day came, I had planned to give him a lovely card that I had made. Unfortunately, my brother told all about my girly card to this boy before the V-day, and together they laughed at me. I ended up not giving the card to that motherfucker.

But I realize now that I was a bit too pushy in my childhood romances. When I was 5 or something like that, there was this boy who I liked, and I showed my affection to him by drawing pictures of us holding hands, him giving me flowers, us living in a same house. Then I gave all those picture to him. I must have drawn him thousands of pictures, but he never responded to my wooing. He goes to the same school as I do now, but I nowadays I find him a bit annoying.

Anyway, to me, Valentine's day has always been a let down. At the end of the day I check my jacket pockets and backpack for steamy love letters from secret lovers, but so far I've had no luck. Therefore I'm just going to wake up tomorrow and try not to have any expectations for the day. That way when the only thing I'll find in my pockets is a candy wrapper, I won't get depressed.

Further reading: fuckvday

Stuck

2005-01-21T20:56:00.000+02:00

So I drove off the road today. Fucking snow storms. Few days ago there was practically no snow on the ground, and then on Thursday it started to snow 24/7 and it's still going on. So when there's snow above the icy road, the things on tires that's supposed to keep your car on the slippery winter roads can't stick to the ice. There was this 90 degree curve and I turned the wheel all I could, yet slowly but surely I was sliding off the road. Before I could say "FUCK NO!" the front of car was stuck on a big pile of snow.

I stepped out of the car to examine if I could just push the car back to the road, but that was a too heavy task for me. I was about to call my dad so he could get me and the car out of there, but luckily for me some gentleman parked his car by the side of the road and offer his help. Soon there where three gentlemen pushing the car back to the road while I was steering the wheel inside, and after few minutes I was back on the road. I thanked the men from the bottom of my heart, and then I drove off.

There's been quite a few car accidents these past few days because of the bad weather according to the news. I was lucky just to hit a pile of snow instead of another car.

Damn you, possessed vacuum cleaner!

2005-01-17T22:20:00.000+02:00

I'm going to take Mr. Nice Posture off my Imaginary Boyfriends list: he has a girlfriend.

So today I passed him in the crowded halls of our lovely school and I did what I always do when I encounter him. Which is just glance him casually, like he was any other pupil crawling to their classes, trying hard not to give him any clues that I adore him. I took it all in: the scruffy straight-out-of-bed-hair, piercing eyes, cute lips, sexy posture, red marks on his neck... RED MARKS ON HIS NECK!??

What the fuck? I thought only fourteen-year-olds did hickeys. First, I was shocked, but not that surprised, really. Hey, he's a good looking guy who showers regularly, so it's really not that unbelievable that some other hot chick might have stuck her claws on him.

Luckily for me, my brain has a way of forgetting bad things and twisting them into something that I'm more comfortable with. I mean, maybe he was just cleaning his room when some demonic spirit of some dead old nasty whore possessed the vacuum cleaner and he lost all control of it. While he was screaming helplessly the vacuum cleaner sucked his neck until someone unplugged it. It happens, you know.

Daydream believer

2005-01-17T15:41:00.000+02:00

Oh, the dreams that I see right before I wake up! Now I'm going to tell you about that dream where I saw my sort-of-crush. There was this big hotel that was turned into a nightclub, and everyone I have ever went to school with was there! Even this guy I have known since we were five but I haven't seen him in three years. Anyway, there was dancing, techno music, liquor, cigarette smoke and all that. I saw my crush, lets just call him Mr. Nice Posture, because the way he carries himself is so sexy and besides, I hate the word crush.

So, Nice Posture was dancing drunkenly on the floor with lots of other people, and I was drooling at him from the bar. Then my subconscious spat this greasy little skinny boy (who also goes to my school but is two years younger than me and has a girlfriend and a bad haircut) in front of me, and for some reason, we start kissing. Then some other random stuff happens, and I'm trying to find a bathroom or a bush or something because my bladder is about to explode in real life. My subconscious is yelling me to wake up and go pee, but I don't listen.

Suddenly it's the next day at the nightclub-hotel, and I'm sitting somewhere with that guy I've known since I was five, the greasy-skinny-bad-haircut boy (GSBHB) and some other guy. I'm trying to ignore GSBHB because I can't stand him. Out of nowhere Nice Posture walks in the picture and tells GSBHB to get the hell out of there and sits right next to me! At this point I'm thinking FINALLY I have a dream about someone I like and not one of those depressing sex dreams about some disgusting guy who can't get it up when we are about to get it on. Anyway, he looks at me, I look at him, a very romantic moment indeed. We shake hands (?) and he says it's a pity we didn't meet yesterday. I'm thinking what the fuck, who cares, we are here now, this is my dream, it's Sunday and I've got the hole day to dream about us.

Subconscious: Ok, seriously, you've been trying to keep that bladder from exploding since 3 am! Wake the fuck up, and go pee!

Me: No way. I'm in an nightclub sitting next to Nice Posture and I'm about to do nasty things with him.

Subconscious: Oh please, as if. Fine, stay in bed. I'll just order your brain to send a message to your bladder to let it all out. Then you'll officially be the weirdo of the family who wets her bed at the age of 18.

Me: Oh, fine. But only if you promise that I'll fall right back to sleep when I come back and Nice Posture will be right there where I left him.

Subconscious: Uh, yeah... ok. Whatever.

Needless to say, I didn't fell asleep again. Now I have to wait until I see another dream about him, because I'm too much of a pussy to do all those nasty thing with him in real life. But like I said, I rarely dream about those who I really like.

Yeah, and today before I woke up I saw a dream where I fought against David Carradine and Uma Thurman Kill Bill style and finally drove off with a tractor, but that's another story.

The parents

2005-01-16T21:50:00.000+02:00

When I woke up today I decided that I would write about this dream I had about my crush this morning, but I changed my mind. Besides, he's not really my crush. I just get this urge to lure him into some dark corner and press my body against his and start making out like there's no tomorrow when ever I see him, but that's all... Anyway, I'll write about it some other time, maybe.

I would just like to mention that I love my parents. Sure they have their flaws like all of us and they have the gift of driving me crazy every once in a while. Like that time when I was sitting in front of my computer minding my own business and dad just dropped by to mention that the radiation from the computer will melt my brain. It's nice to receive health advice from someone who has been smoking since he was fifteen and is a lung cancer patient waiting to happen. Anyway, still love them dearly.

Today they went dancing. On Sundays, there's this day-time-dance-thingy where old people go to dance. Yeah, so they're old, older than most parents with kids my age. But then again, I'm the youngest one of us children, and my eldest brother is thirty-something, so it's not like they have bunch of teenagers to worry about anymore. Except me, of course, but not for long (hopefully). My dad doesn't dance, so I assume that he just shoots the shit with his friends and drinks some booze. My mom on the other hand loves to dance. Lucky for her she's smoking hot for her age (fifty-something, has dark brown hair with about five grey hairs in there altogether, slim and fit and has apparently never suffered from cellulite), so lot's of men ask her to dance.

They enjoy these little Sunday afternoon dances, because they both get what they want: mom gets to dance and look gorgeous, dad gets to get a bit drunk and chat with his pals, mom gets happy and dad gets happy to see mom happy. And I get happy to see them happy. They forget their daily shitty things they have to deal with. Like mom, she gets depressed sometimes because she suffers from short-term memory loss, and dad has some ear problems, so it's best to talk to him so that he can read your lips because he's almost deaf. But when they go dancing, all that goes away.

Riders on the storm

2005-01-09T17:02:00.000+02:00

Funny thing happened. On Friday I had to drive to this nearby town to run some errands, and the weather was absolutely horrible. The roads were covered with this big fat layer of wet snow and it was raining. So, there I am, driving in the dark, shitting myself because the roads are so slippery and I can barely see because it's raining. I wasn't listening to the radio at that moment because I was afraid that it would distract me somehow, so to amuse myself I start to hum Riders on the Storm by The Doors. On the way back home I turn on the radio, and first song that is on is Snoop Doggs cover or remix or whatever of Riders on the storm. It made me smile for a while.

My sister came back from Egypt also on Friday. Apparently she had had all kinds of stomach problems over there and she gave me some great advice about traveling, such as: "don't ever go on trips alone, because when you get sick the other person can go and buy you medicine and clean water". I feel sorry for the man who went there with her.

By the way, I feel like my mystery guy has turned into a mystery stalker. Few days ago I got a message from him asking what I was doing, and I replied and so on. Then yesterday I got another message, and this time he asks me out on a date "or something". Considering I know nothing about this man (supposedly he is a man), and he (again, supposedly) knows nothing about me, I politely refused. In my head, I saw two possible scenarios that could've happened if I had said yes: like I mentioned in my earlier post, it could have turned out to resemble some sappy Meg Ryan movie, or if the guy had been some crazy stalker-rapist, it might have made a mediocre CSI episode. I think I won't be hearing from him again.

I should be studying math right now.

P.S. Hello to all of those who are reading this through Blog Explosion.

Too much sleep

2005-01-06T15:00:00.000+02:00

I should've woken up early this morning. Or at least stayed up late last night, because now, after 12 hours of sleep, I'm suffering from dream-hangover... Or, whatever. Anyway, the point is, I can't get my brains to work and I'm wandering around like a zombie. I even had two cups of really REALLY strong coffee (my trademark) and still I feel a bit off. People always tell you to get enough sleep but they don't warn you about getting too much sleep.

Anyway, I'm sitting here in front of my computer trying to write an analysis about this picture, but I just can't get it started. I suck at writing analysis about anything, so I might as well just write something crappy and be done with it.

So I managed to broke one of my new years resolutions already: I skipped school on Tuesday. But it was worth it! I took a walk and tried to figure things out and then I suddenly found a solution to this problem that has been bothering me for a very long time and making me depressed. So now I can honestly say that I'm happier than I've been for a long long time.

Oh, by the way, the mystery guy (could also be a girl, though, it's not like I know for sure) that I was talking in my earlier post send me a message again on Monday. I'm starting to think that someone is pulling a prank on me, because it seems that we have a mutual friend. Well, not really a friend, he said he knows this guy around here that I also know and went to school with (and used to have a crush on when I was 6). So this made me wonder, that what are the odds that some total stranger accidentally send you a sms, and you turn out to know the same people. But who knows, maybe he really is who he says he is and just likes to send messages to people who he doesn't know at all. I don't know, this is all starting to sound a bit too much like some Meg Ryan film to me.

I better start writing that analysis so my teacher wont kick my ass.

Random stuff, new year resolutions etc.

2005-01-02T13:08:00.001+02:00

I have very high hopes for 2005. This is the year when I'll (hopefully) graduate from upper secondary school, spread my wings and fly away from home. I want to go to this one university so bad, and I'm constantly worried that I wont get in. The applying process starts in March. I'm not 100% sure will I like the things I'm thinking of studying there, but apparently those who go there will end up getting good jobs and a lot of money, so...

I celebrated the new year at a bar with bunch of my friends. I wasn't sure whether I was going to go there or not, because I'm paranoid and I think that all my friends hate me and so on, but once I got some liquor in to my body things started look alright. I had lots of fun, and even met some interesting people while waiting for a cab. I was complaining to this woman that maybe I should try hitchhiking, because there wasn't any taxis around, but she advised me not to. She started to explain how something bad had happened to her when she was sixteen or fifteen, apparently some guy tried to rape her or something. I didn't really hear what she was saying, because we were both drunk and she slurred. She told me that she still remembers it like it was yesterday, even though she's turning fifty this summer. She was lovely.

Yeah, well I wasn't so happy on Saturday. I don't get really bad hangovers, I just get a bit stiff on the next day, but that's wasn't the reason. I got really depressed about everything, but mostly because school starts again tomorrow. I try to tell myself that it's only five weeks and that I can cope with it. I think I'm suffering from social anxiety or something like that, and I seriously have to get some help with this, because I can't keep skipping school like I did before Christmas or I'll fail a lot of courses. I decided that I'll call and get an appointment for a doctor who perhaps can prescribe me something or send me to a shrink who can prescribe me something. Blaah.. I just want to move out of this town as soon as possible.

Oh yes, a funny thing happened last night. I was crying and sniffing in my bed, feeling sorry for myself and all that, and suddenly my cellphone vibrates. I got up and thought that maybe I got a message from my sister who's in Egypt at the moment, but I didn't recognize the number. I send the number to this inquiry thingy where you find out who has the number, but apparently the number was secret, so I didn't get to know who that other person actually was (he told me his name and where he lived and so on but strangers can't really be trusted). Anyway, the message said something like "How are you doing?", and I thought that it was just so absurd because I was feeling like shit and suddenly I get this message from some unknown person. I send him a message back saying that I didn't know who he/she was and he replied that he might have the wrong number, but anyway we ended up sending messages to each other back and forth. At some point his reply took a while, and I thought that that was it, I put the phone on the table and went back to sleep. When I woke up, I noticed that he actually had replied when I was sleeping.

My brother leaves today, which is good, I'll probably give him a lift to the station. I love him, but most of the time I can't stand him.

And now it's time for my New Year resolutions:

-Go to a doctor and get my head fixed
-Study as hard as I can for the last remaining weeks
-exercise more
-Eat less candy, chips and such
-Try to think positive
-Not skip school (much)
-Read interesting books
-Watch less crappy TV

Even though I'll probably wake up tomorrow thinking "What's the point?" and decide to stay home, spend my day eating chips in front of the TV getting depressed while all my school books are gathering dust somewhere, it's good to at least pretend that I tried to improve my life.

Happy New year to everyone who for some strange reason find themselves reading this, feel free to make some sort of a comment. Despite the somewhat gloomy start of my new year, I'm positive that when I get my shit together, this will be one of the best years of my life so far.

Bitch from the 80's

2004-12-30T19:20:00.000+02:00

When I had one of those crappy days before Christmas holiday I decided that I would do something to my hair. The solution to all of your problems is of course a new hairstyle, or so I thought. Anyway, I just wanted to cheer myself up a bit, get a new look, where's the harm...

So today I went to a hairdresser. I decided to get some cute Jennifer Garner bangs. Considering the slight chubbiness of my cheeks I knew it was a risky choice. Still, because I was certain that the bangs would improve my quality of life, I decided to go through with it. I showed the hairdresser a few pictures, so she'd get the idea what I was after, and let her get on with her job.

I always hate the way I look on the mirrors on hairdressers, so I wasn't that much panicked when after the hairdresser had finished her job I looked like a pig with a weird wig. The reality hit me hard, though, when I entered my car and checked my appearance on the mirror. It seems that the hairdresser had cut my bangs a bit too short than I had planned, and now I look like a really really tall five-year-old.

When I got home, my brother saw me and his immediate reaction was: "Oh my God, you look like some bitch from the 80's". Great. I hope he leaves soon. After that I spend some time in front of the mirror playing with it, and just when I had fixed my hair so that it didn't look so horrible and started to feel good about it, my mom comes in and gives me this: "It's okay, honey. I still love you, put when we are in public, lets just pretend we don't know each other."

Oh!

2004-12-18T14:00:00.000+02:00

I got to go and buy this super fantastic shirt for Christmas!

Craptastic day

2004-12-16T16:39:00.000+02:00

I've been having a shitty time lately and it just seems to get worse and worse. I wish I'd have something nice to write here. I just want to crawl under the covers and cry and sleep and not get up until Christmas day. Tommorrow is the last day of school and then my holiday starts, which is kind of the only good thing I that comes to my mind right now. Blaah...

Liar liar

2004-12-08T20:22:00.000+02:00

When I was little I used to believe everything everyone said (which I think applies to all kids, but anyway). One time me and my older sister were playing or whatever in the woods. My sister, who is nine years older than I am, got bored and wanted to go home but I wanted to stay, so she made this growling sound, and said that there was a fox under some tree watching us. Of course, when you're five foxes are deadly man-eating beasts, so I freaked out and started running towards home. Even though I didn't even see the fox and I saw my sisters mouth move when the growling occurred, I still believed that if I would have stayed in the woods for one more second, some fox would've eaten me for dinner.

But a lot has changed since those days. Now I consider that my bullshit-radar is even better than average. You see, I have this friend who has a habit of making things up and lying through her teeth to her everybody without blinking an eye. But she doesn't really have a good imagination, because she just copies everyone else's lives. For example, few months ago, I told her that my brother was having a baby and he and his wife wanted me to be the godmother of the baby. Then about a week after that, we have the following conversation:

Lyingbitch: So, guess what? I'm going to be a godmother too!

Me: Oh, that's nice.

Lyingbitch: Yeah, remember my friend Imaginaryguy? He is having another baby, so they wanted me to be the godmother.

At this point my bullshit-radar started blinking and beeping (or whatever radars do) like hell.

Me (thinking): That's funny, because what I've gathered from our earlier bullshit conversations, this guy is barely 20, and already has a baby which was an accident, so somehow I wouldn't think that a guy in his prime age with no job and still in university would voluntarily impregnate a teenage girl again. And I also doubt that this "baby" is yet another accident, because please, if you forget the condom once, and have a baby because of that, you probably wont repeat the mistake.

This isn't the only time when she has been inspired by other peoples lives. Just recently, a mutual friend of ours told that her boyfriend cheated on her with some slutty chick. And guess what, now Lyingbitch has also been cheated on just last weekend! What a coincident! What confuses me about this though, is that she just yesterday announced that she has a new boyfriend, and today she tells us he cheated her and oh how tragic it all is. Whatever.

There has been numerous similar incidents throughout the years I've known her, and it's so obvious that she's lying. The mutual friend I was talking about earlier also agrees with me. But it's not that I hate her or anything, because she can be really nice and cool when she isn't lying. It's just so annoying that she does that, because we've know each other for quite a while now, and there really is no reason to lie about shit.

blaah.

2004-10-26T23:20:00.001+03:00

What a productive day! Not.

I woke up at 3.00 am because I had this terrible ache in my stomach. Immediately I thought that it was my appendix and it's going to burst or something like that (watching ER can be useful but it can also make you paranoid). I took some painkillers and tried to get some sleep. I hoped that the pain would be gone when I woke up, because I didn't want so skip school again (eh.. it has been happening quite a lot lately). Eventually I fell a sleep, and woke up in the morning with no pain. I was happy, but then I started to think about school and get all paranoid and depressed about it and decide not to go. Which works out fine, because my parents are out of town today so I can feel sorry for my self in peace.

I really should do something about this school skipping thing. It's not that I'm lazy or anything like that, I just have some issues with some people in there. Maybe I should go and see a doctor who could describe me some anti-depressants or something so I wouldn't be so gloomy in the mornings (or the days, evenings and nights for that matter).

I have wasted half of the day by sleeping, even though I was supposed to read physics (I have a test coming up and things aren't looking good). So in order to make this day at least a little bit worth while, I will go get some coffee and some breakfast (at 1.20 pm... ) and start studying. Right now. If only I could stop my fingers from typing.

By the way, the symptoms that I had last night fits the description of an infected appendix. But like I said, I have no pains now, so I won't worry about it.

Post-birthday ramblings

2004-10-26T02:22:00.000+03:00

It's nice when people who are close to you remember your special days, such as birthdays. But if people who you think are close to you forget those special days, it just makes you mad.

I happen to speak from experience.

I've always considered that me and my sister and other brother (age gap between me and my eldest brother is 15 years, so we are not that close, so if he forgets, I don't really mind) are pretty close. So this made me automatically assume that they would somehow react to my 18th birthday. I would have been satisfied with a simple email or text-message saying "happy birthday" or "congratulations" or whatever. But what do I get? Nothing! I mean, I know I didn't throw a party or anything like that, but that doesn't mean they can just forget it. It's stupid if I have to remind them about my fucking birthday in advance.

Well, I sent my brother an email last night and asked him if he knew what day it was, and he just replied something like "sorry, I've been busy all day reading physics". Sorry, but being a nerd isn't an excuse. Then I sent a text-message to my sister and asked the same thing and it took her a while to get it. Whatever, bitches. Their Christmas presents will suck so bad. That is, if I decide to buy them any.

Luckily, I can always count on my dear friends (who I don't consider as close as my sister and brother, by the way, but I guess that's going to change now) to remember my birthday. Today when I went to school I got nice presents and hugs, so I'm ok now. Except one present was a bit rude, but like I said, I will have my revenge when Christmas comes.

Oh, and I heard that it's going to snow next weekend, which is nice, I guess, since I've been waiting for it.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow... PLEASE!

2004-10-24T20:00:00.000+03:00

My first post! If you don't count the test post that I deleted, that is... I thought I'd explain here why I created this blog, but then I changed my mind. It's boring, and I want to start writing about important stuff.

Usually I hate winters. Around here they are cold, long, dark and boring. Cars don't work properly because their engines or whatever are practically frozen and so on. But now, I have started to look forward to winter. It's weird and I'm not quite sure why that is. Every day I wake up I hope that there would be snow on the ground or at least that it would be so cold that it might snow later the day. And I've started to hum Christmas songs as well! I mean, it's October! Okay, the end of October, but still. The Christmas fever should hit you in the end of November the earliest, I think. But for some reason, listening to Christmas songs (in October!?!) makes me at least somewhat happy, so I'm not going to stop myself.

Also, it's my 18th birthday today. And now, my blog will also be born at this very same day. Happy birthday to us.