A Soldier & his Wife

I'm doing just fine

2008-07-10T17:51:00.001+02:00

90% of the time :)

Today happens to be a really good day. Nothing spectacular happened, and nothing bad happened - but it is a day that I am truly ok. I think sometimes it's nice to not only remember those days, but also to DOCUMENT them so that I can eventually look back and say to myself, "Hey - you were ok on July 10."

:)

My weekend

2008-07-07T18:13:00.001+02:00

Sometimes words just can't explain.

:)

Some things I will miss

2008-06-28T14:54:00.002+02:00

Lest you think I hate absolutely everything about Germany, I thought it might be good to occasionally have some nice things to say about it. For example, this was an absolutely stunning sunset last night.

The Niece

2008-06-22T07:50:00.000+02:00

The Donut of Misery

2008-06-14T14:55:00.002+02:00

There's an Excel spreadsheet with a graph that has made its way around here - sometimes you see the title "Donut of Hope." However, the one that I have was called the "Donut of Misery." I didn't call it that, I swear! It's funny, though. The first time I saw it, we were at 11% completion. That was somewhere in October of last year. I vividly remember playing with the date on my laptop to see where we'd be at Thanksgiving, our anniversary, Christmas, The Boy's birthday, my birthday...

We've passed all those things now.

This morning, the donut showed 67% completion, or 2/3 of the way done. I'm definitely a quantitative vs. qualitative thinker when it comes to getting through this. The Donut has the time frame broken down into weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds - both that are passed, and that are still to go. For example, I can tell you that as of just a few minutes ago, The Boy has been deployed for 438,654.35 seconds.

Time is a funny, funny thing.

Hate is a very strong word

2008-06-11T17:59:00.001+02:00

However, I use it a lot to describe how I feel about living where we live. I've found that I'm not as "ok" with the Army making decisions about where we're going, how long we'll be there, and when we get to leave.

So I can pretend, I can try to say that I don't mind, that I'm a trooper, that I can handle this.

Reality is very different, though.

300 days down

2008-06-10T07:00:00.001+02:00

Almost 2/3 of the way done...

Goodness, this is a long journey!

Reminiscing

2008-06-01T07:39:00.005+02:00

Yeah, I'm having a hard time believing I've stuck it out over here in Germany for this long. The GOOD news is that The Boy is now 9 & 1/2 months completed, and only 5 & 1/2 months left to go with the deployment. And then, we pretty much roll out of here within 3 months of his return. I'm hoping for sooner (MUCH sooner), but we will see.

I was downloading some pictures last weekend, and was having a good ol' time looking through all the things we've done in our time overseas. And then I ran across a file folder I titled "craziness" - and laughed my head off. I thought in honor of the 1st of June, I'd share some of these with you.

Yes, it does say "chicken nuts" on the menu.

In downtown London, 2006, we randomly ran into a giant parade celebrating something. This was one of many mechanical elephants marching down the street - but seriously, check out the size of that thing!

We went to Pforzheim to see the last Tour de France for Lance Armstrong. After the bicyclists rode by, we wandered the city for a bit. This is an outdoor spinning class - which is funny enough - but check it out... some of those people have on bicycle jerseys!

The truck says "Probe Fahrt." Sometimes I turn into an eight year old boy with my humor.

In Cologne, horses walking down the street in the middle of traffic.

Assmann. It's a furniture company, but still...

"Push Yellow Bottom"

Heh. "No fouling."

Holiday

2008-04-07T07:34:00.002+02:00

No, not the Madonna song.

Think: Christmas. Think: 8 years old. Think: "I still believe in Santa Claus."

That's kind of what I'm feeling like right now. We're past the halfway mark of a 15 month deployment (yes, still 15 months - regardless if other units get knocked down to 12). In a VERY short while, I'll be seeing The Boy for R&R.

I'm already stressing about logistics and traffic to the airport and how I'll find out exactly where & when to pick him up. I'm stressing about what I'll be wearing, whether it will be a decent hair day or not, and whether our Atlanta hotel will have cable channels such that he can see his beloved Cubbies.

Joy, excitement, happiness... wow, it's been a long time since I've had these feelings!

Halfway

2008-03-29T08:59:00.000+01:00

It's all downhill from here.

I think I want to run for public office

2008-03-26T05:32:00.003+01:00

... just to get the perk that someone would do my geneaology for me.

Come, on seriously? Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie?? The crazy-ass idiot thing is that I guarantee that somebody is going to get a vote based solely on that.

Happy Not-our-pcs-date anymore

2008-02-15T17:42:00.001+01:00

Involuntary extension sucks.

However, to look on the positive side, deployment is a little more than 40% completed. Of course, if it weren't a 15 month deployment, we'd be at 50%.

Customer Service

2008-02-14T20:52:00.002+01:00

Ever have one of those "weird" customer service moments, where you're just not quite sure what to say?

I am working on funding our Roth IRA's this year (I am not the wife who buys a lot of "crap" with the extra deployment money), and wanted to consolidate with one institution, rather than have funds in different places. I had to call, because of course I had questions. I want to move our money to a particular company, and the customer service rep was really weird about it. "Do you mind if I ask you why you're moving these funds?"

I am sure he asked because he was required, but it was one of those weird things that people say that just made me a little uncomfortable. I considered asking him if he thought that I shouldn't move the funds, but figured that would just make me sound like the weirdo on the other end of the line :)

Perspective

2008-01-10T17:47:00.000+01:00

I originally started this blog to chronicle the lives of The Boy & I as we started our lives together, and moved to Germany. However, it became many things - an avenue to meet new friends, a way to "publish" my thoughts on adult education , and a way to vent. It's interesting to look back and try to remember what I was thinking/feeling/doing at the time I felt the urge to push that "publish post" button.

I got a healthy dose of perspective today. I've been struggling a lot lately - struggling being here by myself, struggling with the deployment, struggling with my last semester of school, struggling with issues I'm having with friends. But, I decided today that I'm letting it go.

And today it all started with my hair.

I've got to start learning to let go. And the hair is only the beginning.

Christmas Eve

2007-12-24T17:28:00.000+01:00

It's funny to make a phone call to an ex-boyfriend. It's even funnier when you call to say, "remember that Christmas Eve you broke up with me, and then went and spent it with your ex-girlfriend? Yes, well... this Christmas Eve sucks more than that one did."

An internal struggle

2007-11-19T20:00:00.000+01:00

I'm debating the difference between "giving up" and "giving in."

Honoring a fallen hero

2007-11-10T10:14:00.000+01:00

This morning at 2am my mom called to tell me that my Pepa had passed.

At 88 years old, he had lived a full and amazing life. He stormed the beaches at Normandy on D-Day, and was one of only a handful of survivors of his unit. His commanding officers had been killed during the attempt to come ashore, and all he knew was that he was supposed to blow up a bridge. He did that. And then he kept walking until he found another American unit. It happened to be Patton's 3rd Army.

I still remember telling him that The Boy & I had orders to Germany - he giggled like a little boy, and kept claiming it was "his old stomping ground."

He will be buried on Tuesday, the day after Veteran's Day. I can't think of a better honor. It breaks my heart that I will still be here, and not there with my family.

What a difference

2007-11-02T17:08:00.000+01:00

One year makes.

My new goal

2007-10-20T08:56:00.000+02:00

the journey, not the destination

"I apply the titled philosophy to just about everything I do. In fact, when I get too results-oriented (destination) I can't enjoy the work (journey) that it takes to get there, and I get unhappy (the)."

compliments of Wil Wheaton
***

That's my new goal over the next 4 weeks. A measurable, distinct, and timed goal that will hopefully help to bring me a little peace. I need to work through the journey to get to the destination - so I might as well work at enjoying the journey a little more.

A Change will do (me) Good

2007-10-17T18:12:00.000+02:00

I didn't realize how oppressive it felt to be at my post - surrounded by family members and friends who are the ones "left behind." I didn't realize because I was living it every single day. And now, I'm on a temporary assignment that takes me to a different post. A post with no deployed Soldiers. A post that is enabling me to feel like I can breathe fresh air again.

I talked to The Boy a few days ago, and told him how different it feels here - and how maybe I really need to pay more attention to myself, and less to everyone else. I think I need to be selfish for a little bit - and I can't see how that's a bad thing.

This deployment is really opening my eyes to a lot of things with me, personally. I'm learning who the people are who love me unconditionally. I'm learning how much of my mother's incessant questioning I can handle. But I think the most interesting part is discovering just how much I can take before I need to re-charge my own batteries.

A trip to the States to see my family will be forthcoming in the next few weeks. I need some family time.

It's really hard sometimes

2007-10-08T18:06:00.001+02:00

to be supportive of your spouse when he wants to do something dangerous. I know I'm not alone in feeling this way, and I also know I'm not alone when I put on a "brave face" when I hear scary news of what the possibility is.

It's equally hard to be supportive when plans change, and danger temporarily subsides... and instead of rejoicing at knowing that danger will wait for another day, I tell my husband that he just needs to be patient, and wait for the next opportunity.

Acting up (or out)

2007-09-29T15:39:00.000+02:00

When you hear my mom talk of my "younger years," inevitably the topic of my temper tantrums comes up. I would get so upset over something that I would literally hold my breath until I passed out. My mom, being the smart woman she was, would pick me up & put me in my crib so that at least I'd hit something soft when I fell. Now, holding my breath terrifies me - the thought of drowning makes me so squeamish that I get a little creeped out when we drive over bridges.

I still throw temper tantrums; however, now I have to announce them. A few weeks ago, I emailed The Boy with the subject of "I'm throwing a temper tantrum!" I was upset about a class I was enrolled in, or more specifically, about a stupid assignment in said class.

So, I'm acting out today. And I guess that sometimes it just makes it more "real" if other people know about it. Right now, I'm still searching for that soft place to fall.

Things I've learned, recently

2007-09-24T19:52:00.000+02:00

(1) No matter how infrequently you hear from your deployed spouse, there's always someone who's heard from their own spouse even less. And, those spouses with husbands who are able to call 4 times a day - and then complain? Yes, I don't like them very much.

(2) When parents and friends ask you for "suggestions" of what to send to the deployed Soldier downrange, be prepared for them to send EVERY.SINGLE.THING. Multiple times. Because, you know, you sent the list to several different people.

(3) It's really hard to share phone calls and online time with the mother-in-law or the best friend - but I try really hard not to complain about it. I understand they need to hear him, too (and he needs to hear them). But sometimes, I want to be selfish about it.

(4) When your uncle tells you he's been on a business trip for a week, and that it was "LONG" - sometimes the proper response really is: "My husband's on a 15 month 'business trip.' Did you have to carry a gun to the bathroom, or worry about bombs on the side of the road on your trip? Don't tell me a week is long."

(5) That the little "knock" sound that comes from Yahoo! Messenger "friends" coming online is one of the most welcome sounds in the world - because even if it's not my husband, it is someone who most probably isn't going to piss me off with comments they don't intend on being mean, but usually turn out being that way.

(6) And as wonderful as those "Soldier Prayer" forwards and such are... a nice 2 sentence email will do so much more for me than the "forward this to 15 people to show your support for the troops!"

(Just for Sarah)

2007-08-28T18:40:00.001+02:00

I present you with knitting pictures!

The Mason Dixon knitting ballband dishcloth - part of a birthday present for my mommy.

And... my crowning accomplishment:

Vertical Freaking Stripes.

I know all you non-knitters are thinking I'm crazy right about now, but Vertical Freaking Stripes (and the fact that *I* made them) are still quite unbelievable to me.

Horizontal stripes, no biggie...

But the Vertical. They make me dizzy with delight.

I'm hanging in there

2007-08-25T15:38:00.000+02:00

Cleaning house...

Watching various TV-on-DVD (Charmed, Dawson's Creek)...

And Knitting. Oh, yes - there is knitting going on in my house, thanks to new knitting book purchases :)

I told hubby that the more he's able to get a daily call or email in, the more stable I become. I feel like an idiot sometimes, that my moods are so dependent on him - but that's the way it is for right now.

There will be knitting pictures, soon.