A Better Version of Me

Best Description of Fiat Currency, Ever.

2008-02-17T14:02:00.002-06:00

Even though most Earthlings do not like to be told how stupid they are, it is a good thing that they are stupid, because if "homo dumbo" truly, truly comprehended the sheer horrifying enormity of what is going to happen because of all of this incomprehensible debt and leverage financed by the Federal Reserve, they would crap in their pants in sheer terror and it would stink like hell.

Another place to look for evidence is anywhere you look in the whole history of the freaking world, even little dip-squat little prehistoric places out in the middle of nowhere, where the primitive people used mastodon crap for money, which was stupid because there was mastodon crap everywhere, and so the money supply was unlimited, so inflation destroyed them all, too, but who can almost be excused for adopting such a stupid money and economic system because they had tiny little brains, and whose entire language system apparently consisted of about 30 words, 5 of them being various nuances of "mastodon crap".

Read the rest of the article, if you wish.

Back from the Dead

2007-08-28T22:13:00.000-05:00

Yes, just like Everlast on the second House of Pain album, I am back from the dead. I've been spending most of my time on Facebook and Myspace for the past several months. However, I will try to be better about posting on the ol' blog now and then. I just haven't had much to write about lately. Guess I'm just more of a commenter than a storyteller.

Global What?

2007-01-22T00:11:00.000-06:00

The last thing I expected to see when I arrived in Tucson tonight was snow. That's right. Snow. There is currently about two inches of the white stuff on the ground in freaking Tucson, Arizona. WTF? Where's my damn global warming when I need it?! If I wanted to play in the snow I'd have stayed in Kansas.

I Second That Emotion

2006-12-27T20:37:00.000-06:00

Well, I was in the fantasy football superbowl in each of my leagues last weekend and I lost 'em both. Damn. Oh well, now I can turn my full attention to my fantasy soccer league. My team, FC Tonganoxie, currently leads the league I'm in, and is about 1500th overall out of approximately 1.2 million players. Not bad for a beginner!

Mete un gol, baby. Mete un goal!

It Wasn't Me

2006-12-18T20:23:00.000-06:00

Kansas Dad Accused of Running Dryer With Kids Inside

That'll learn that boy not to piss in his pants!

And, just a few days prior...

Pritchard and a cousin were arrested in late November when police found the two men on top of a grain elevator in Hutchinson, with backpacks full of beer and alcohol.

That there's a dad worth emulating.

Tearin up shit with fire, shooters, looters

2006-12-12T20:16:00.000-06:00

Now I got a laptop computer!

'Bout time. I've been eyein' 'em for some time now. I finally had a good excuse to get one and I took advantage. You see, Bree just got herself a fancy new Roland 300SX digital piano. So, I decided it was only fair that I get something cool, too. It sure makes these business trips more fun. I can surf the 'net in my room rather than hangin' out in the lobby. Word!

Gang Bangin' in Little Rock

2006-12-10T22:41:00.000-06:00

Well, I find myself in Little Rock, Arkansas, this week for some more training. Maybe I'll hit the streets at night and do some bangin' with the local thugs from the infamous HBO documentary. Or maybe I'll just do my best to avoid that scene.

On another note, I may try and find the Clinton Presidential Library. First I have to think of a good way to deface it without getting into too much trouble. Any ideas? ;)

BACT That Ass Up

2006-11-29T18:55:00.000-06:00

I am currently in Des Moines, IA, learning about the analysis involved in choosing the Best Available Control Technology (BACT) for air pollution sources during their permitting process. Aren't ya jealous?

I've been all over the map lately. NYC, DC, Fargo (North Dakota) and now Des Moines. The road trips to Fargo and Des Moines within the last week have helped me once again appreciate how vast, and yet quite beautiful, the midwest really is. Too bad most people spend their lives merely flying over it. You really should stop by sometime and take a tour. You won't regret the decision!

Just don't do it right now. The snow and ice is a bitch!

Oh Deer

2006-11-15T21:51:00.000-06:00

Yes, it's that time of year again. Time to keep your eyes peeled for those damn deer running across the road. Check this out. Auto accidents involving deer have risen dramatically in Kansas since the 1980s. Just another reason we need to issue more permits to the hunters to kill those animals. Even the deer have to prefer getting shot to getting splattered all over the highway by an 18-wheeler.

Deer. They are SO not kosher.

Where's Waldo?

2006-10-26T20:59:00.000-05:00

I'm the only non-Hasidic man in this picture. Can ya find me??

Wingdings

2006-10-12T21:55:00.000-05:00

You know the font, right? I was playing around with it today and discovered a spooky combination of characters that arise when converting "NYC" to wingdings. Converting it to webdings also produces an interesting string of pics. While new to me, apparently this phenomena has been known of since '92. Man, I'm way behind the times.

I do find the NYC wingdings thing a bit creepy. Could it really be random? What's the probability of such a string of characters coming about randomly and actually seeming to mean something? It's gotta be pretty slim.

Say Lettuce And Spell Cup

2006-10-09T13:27:00.000-05:00

I want my spinach back! Enough already. I'm tired of having nothing but lettuce to put on my samiches and in my ensaladas. It's so blah. Spinach is where it's at! E. coli schmoli.

I Scream Sundays

2006-09-24T11:25:00.000-05:00

I love Sundays--eSpecially in the fall.

Start the day with an EPL game at 10.

Then its NFL at 12, 3 and 7.

Then the kicker: I don't have to think about going to work in the morning!

My First Meme

2006-09-23T23:08:00.000-05:00

Thanks, PN. I'll do my best.

LIST TEN THINGS YOU WANT TO SAY TO PEOPLE YOU KNOW BUT YOU NEVER WILL, FOR WHATEVER REASON. DON'T SAY WHO THEY ARE. USE EACH PERSON ONLY ONCE.

1. Why do you wear a watch on each wrist? Seriously, one watch does the job. Two is just plain creepy.

2. Stop using the handicap button to open the restroom door. You're not freakin' handicapped! Do you really think that button is much cleaner than the door handle? Well, I've got news for ya.

3. I don't mind talking to you, but I'd like it more if you didn't have such a body odor problem. I swear, I can smell you from 10 feet away. WTF?!

4. No, you can't have my dog, broad!

5. Yes, I voted for Bush and I don't regret it. F*ck off!

6. Dude, those Livestrong-like bracelets were so 2005. Take'em off already!

7. When I don't ask for help, I don't need it. Please stop offering.

8. For the love of G-d, SHUT UP!

9. Alright, maybe the first kid was a mistake. However, now you're expecting a third? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? You're still a kid yourself.

10. We have a connection. I don't know what it is exactly, but I like it.

Leavin' On A Jet Plane

2006-09-22T16:28:00.000-05:00

Something I'll never forget took place on my flight home from Minnesota this morning. Two marines were on the flight, making their way home from Iraq. Sadly, one of them flew back to KC in the cargo hold.

I wondered what was up when I arrived at the gate and saw a sharply-dressed marine sitting nearby. Then I noticed the triangularly-folded American flag resting in his lap. Even then, I thought he might just be delivering the flag to a soldier's family. Little did I know that his fallen comrade was making the flight with him.

As we taxied toward the runway, the captain came over the speaker and announced that we had two special guests on board, both marines and brothers. Then he broke the news that only one of them was in the passenger cabin. Wow. That made for the most awkward, somber flight I've ever experienced.

When we pulled up to the gate in KC, there was a hearse, several marines and a police motorcade waiting on the tarmac to recieve the body. We were asked to stay seated while they unloaded the casket and carried it on to the hearse. I watched the whole thing take place from my window. I was speechless and fighting back tears and it was all I could do to restrain myself from knocking some sense into the guy next to me who spent most of this time on his cell phone.

Some situations call for a certain amount of respect. Yes, there are times when you can delay that phone call for ten minutes. I guess some people just don't get it.

Mama Said NOx You Out

2006-09-18T17:31:00.000-05:00

Well, combustion turbine day has ended. You know, if I was better at planning ahead, I'd have brought a jacket with me to Minnesota. I haven't felt too cold yet, however. So far the weather's been in the 40's and fitty's and I'm a fairly hot-blooded dude to begin with.

I enjoyed our afternoon tour of the combustion turbine peaking plant near Bloomington. Listening to Minnesotans talk aboot their turbines is fun. I like their accents.

I wish the frickin' Twins were in town. I'd like to have the chance to see some good baseball on this trip. Damn.

All Apologies

2006-09-17T09:56:00.000-05:00

I've been a bit under the weather for the last week. That mostly explains my lack of blogging activity. This coming week likely won't be any more active. I'm leaving today for St. Paul, MN, for some training and I won't get back 'til Friday. If I only had a laptop! So, have a good week and I'll check in from the Land O'Lakes if I get a chance.

How's This Sound?

2006-09-07T18:18:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking that if I ever have twin boys I'll name them after my grandpas.

Yep, that's right.

Elmer & Delmer.

Oh You Silly, Stupid, Pastime of Mine

2006-09-06T18:14:00.000-05:00

Just one night away from the beginning of another NFL season. The Chiefs should be OK this year, but I don't think they'll do much besides maybe make the playoffs and lose in the first round. I'm more excited for my fantasy team. I've got LaDainian Tomlinson this year. I've never had him on a team before. He'd better not suffer some catastrophic injury! Although, I endured one of those with Culpepper last year and ended up winning my league. Still, I'd rather have a healthy LT2 all year. Bree was happy that I got Jake Delhomme. She thinks he's hot.

Let the games begin!

Tecmo Bo

2006-09-03T21:32:00.000-05:00

I was a huge Bo Jackson fan growing up. So, of course I also loved Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson. That guy was the best video game football player ever. Check out this highlight reel run of his.

Absolutely amazing! You go, Bo!

I'm Addicted

2006-08-31T20:05:00.000-05:00

To egg mcmuffins.

I've been eating them a lot lately since I work right across the street from a McDonalds. However, I did look at the nutrition facts the other day, and the egg mcmuffin is about the best option calorie-wise for a McDonalds breakfast food. Mmmm...I can't wait for tomorrow's breakfast break!

P.S. That new McDonalds coffee ain't half bad, either.

My Baby's All Liquored Uuuuup

2006-08-27T12:42:00.000-05:00

Bree and Pam played a short set at the "Croquet for Curing Cancer" event Saturday. We all had a good time. The band that played after them, The Snot Rockets, kept us very entertained with several excellend Johnny Cash tunes and their own songs, includind my personal favorite of the evening--"My Baby's All Liquored Up."

The title of the song would prove to be spot-on for all three of us by the end of the night. You see, besides playing and listening to music, we all got in on the croquet action. Bree won her initial round, which enabled her to advance to the finals. In my round, I only got 2nd; but I received a free pass to the finals anyway because the winner of my round had to leave. And wouldn't ya know it, I ended up winning the finals. Woohoo! Yes, I enjoyed quite a come-from-behind victory. Bree seemed poised to win after dropping her final approach shot right in front of the last two wickets; especially since I had just gone before her and blasted my ball several feet beyond the final target. However, my next shot would be nothing short of miraculous. I chipped the ball from behind the wickets and managed to hit Bree's ball--that means I get another shot! So, from there I cooly hit my ball through the last two wickets and nailed the stake to seal the deal. Yessssssssss!

The victory helped contribute to the liquored-up portion of the evening. My prize for taking first place consisted of an autographed Kevin Lockett K-State cap (very nice) and a fifth of Jameson. Needless to say, most of the Jameson disappeared before we got home. Ah, good times indeed.

I Wish I Was A Little Bit Taller...

2006-08-25T22:06:00.000-05:00

A new study says tall people are smarter.

Tall.
Check.

Smart.
Check.

OK, where's my big raise??

Today is a Good Day

2006-08-22T21:59:00.000-05:00

Tottenham Hotspur grabs their first win with the help of current FC Tonganoxie captain Dimitar Berbatov. Oh yeah, and my team's already one of the most valuable in the world. I love this game!

Spurs Lose

2006-08-19T23:12:00.000-05:00

My newly adopted favorite English soccer team, Tottenham Hotspur, lost their first game of the season to Bolton, 2-0. Bummer.

However, my fantasy soccer team seems to be fairing well this first weekend. My captain, Darren Bent, scored a PK and Steven Gerrard had a decent game. Yakubu scored a goal, but I had him on the bench. Damn! I've since figured out that I can play three forwards instead of just two. So I'll start Bent, Yakubu and Berbatov from now on and go with one less defender.

A couple of my better players, John Terry and Rio Ferdinand, have yet to play their games this weekend. Chances of them scoring me some points should be good.

I'm glad the real games have started up. This should be a fun season. Cheerio!