4Word

2009-01-22T19:10:00.000-08:00

I am wondering if there is something wrong with me? I am dating a man who I have great chemistry with but I do not think he is terribly attractive. When I have introduced him to my friends, I find myself hoping they will tell me that he is good looking. Is this shallow?

Dear Vajela,

Many women find themselves drawn to men they have chemistry with but who are not the traditional good looking "type." This is good news. Having good chemistry is the hard part and you have that- so be thankful! If you have great chemistry with him, you are likely to grow more and more attracted to him as you get to know him.

2008-12-21T23:08:00.000-08:00

I am about to propose to my girlfriend. I have not yet bought the engagement ring. Should I find out what style of ring my girlfriend would like to have before I buy it?

Stephen,

Since she will be wearing the ring for a lifetime, I highly advise it. Does she know you are proposing? If so, then looking at rings together will not be a problem. However, if you want to keep it a surprise, I suggest you try to find out in subtle ways. For instance, pay attention when she admires someone else's engagement ring. Notice if she make any comments such as" that is exactly the style I would like! or I do not like the princess cut look" While at the mall, casually stroll into a jewelry store together and see what styles her eyes gravitate towards. Ask her what friends rings she admires and why. Notice what jewelry advertisements she pays attention to. Also, and this is a big one, find out what metal she like- is she a gold girl, white gold or platinum.

Good luck!

2008-10-03T00:12:00.000-07:00

I live in Sacramento and have wanted to write movies since I was a kid. Recently, I optioned my first screenplay to a production company in Los Angeles. It's not a lot of money but it's a start and it's gotten me an agent at William Morris. I want to move down there and see if I can make a go of it, maybe give it a year.

Here's the problem: My fiance has a good job in advertising in Central Valley. She likes her job and she really hates Hollywood, even though she's never been there! She says if I move down there to see if I can make a career of this, she's over. She doesn't want to do the long distance relationship for a year and see if I can make enough money to bring her down there full time. Because she doesn't want to move there. She also thinks that as a big Hollywood writer, I'll have my pick of actresses and won't be faithful to her. This is ridiculous, as I love her very much. Our wedding is scheduled for early November in Big Sur! The invitations are out and RSVP'd.

I love her very much but what do I do? Do I go through with the wedding, and then move down there anyway and hope she'll understand? Or do I cancel the wedding now? I could be back in Sacramento in six months. This is my dream. But so is marrying Cindy. Help, what do I do? (And what's the etiquette about returning wedding gifts that we're already being sent?)

Dear Don,

This is a tough problem. But I think it has a simple solution. If writing scripts is what you really want in life, you have to go for it. You are lucky that your writing has been recognized by one of the top agencies. You will not be happy in your relationship if you feel like you have put aside your passion.

Can you compromise so you get the job and the woman of your dreams?

As a writer, can't you come to LA for meetings and for networking and then return to Sacramento to write? Do you actually have to live in LA full time for a year?

If you came in shifts, this approach is slower and less dramatic for your fiance'. I can understand that she is probably panicking that her future husband is moving away from her at a time when most couple's get closer both emotionally and physically.

If you want to have it all, I would get creative. Fly down to LA for meetings and make the rounds for a few days at a time and then head back up to Sacramento. Take your girlfriend down to LA and plan out a fabulous week for her. Most people are surprised, when taken to the right places, how nice Los Angeles actually is.

And about the gifts. If you DO call the wedding off, you should return the gifts. But I have a feeling you can work this one out.

Good luck and let us know what happens!

2008-09-18T19:07:00.000-07:00

I am getting ready to plan a destination wedding. I have heard that many people tell their traveling guests not to give them presents. That they should not feel they need to give a present because they are making the generous effort to come and are spending a lot of money doing it. What do you think?

You have heard correctly. Many people have added little notes on their invitations or wedding websites that say, "Please no gifts, your presence is enough" or "Your presence is our Present."

This kind of behavior is gracious and refreshing.

In average destination wedding is going to cost a guest with a date anywhere from $1,000 to $5,000 when you account for flights, rental cars, gas, hotels, food, time off and other travel expenses. Buying a present on top of that sometimes pushes people's bank account and their sanity to the limit.

Anna Sepotine from New York says that she would be mortified if her guests (especially her younger friends or older, retired relatives) felt the stress to spend even more on her for her wedding. She says " We knew we were asking people to make a lot of sacrifices to come to Puerto Rico for our wedding. We did not want people to feel the additional burden of buying gifts for showers and our wedding. So we told them to please skip the gifts. Their presence meant more than any gravy dish or sheet set."

Paula Suren from New Jersey added, "A close friend had a destination wedding recently. She told everyone that was coming that their "presence was her present." I can't tell you how relieved and relaxed it made our friends feel. We are all young and had to save to get to her wedding. Instead of complaining behind her back about the inconvenience and expense of a destination wedding, we were relaxed and totally excited for her big day!"

Now, obviously some people will still feel the need to give and will want to buy a present. And that is fine. But a bride or groom should never make people feel as if they need to bring a gift or talk bad about someone who did not give a wedding gift for a destination wedding. Bride's and Groom's should always remember that their wedding is about sharing something spiritual and beautiful with friends and family- it does not have anything to do with gifts or money!

Any gift you get is a plus to an already wonderful event!

2008-07-02T13:29:00.000-07:00

I have a question about welcome bags at destination weddings. Is it necessary to give this to your out-of-town guests? I don’t mean to sound cheap, but isn’t the point that the guests should be providing the bride and groom with the gifts (and not the other way around?) I’m not made of money here...After $100/plate for dinner, I find it hard to afford all these fantastic “goodies” for my out of town guests. I feel like I have done enough.

Dear Rebecca,

No, you do not sound cheap at all- you sound ungrateful and spoiled.

The welcome gift bag is a thank you to your guests. Please do not forget that your guests are likely shelling out $1,000-$3,500+ to be at YOUR wedding. They did not ask for you to spend $100 a plate or anything else. They have requested time off of work, used up vacation days, spent hours in the car or on long flights, and spent a lot of their money and time to be at your wedding because they knew it was important to you.

The least you can do is show them that you are appreciative of their time, money and consideration. No, you do not have to provide welcome gifts and if you do, you do not need to make them expensive. But your attitude that your guest owe you gifts is quite alarming. Do yourself a favor, watch an episode of Bridezilla's and then realize that you are acting just like them. Then go out and thank your guests for the time, money and energy they put into being with you on your special day.

2008-05-01T15:02:00.000-07:00

Updates from the show!

We have had a lot of really positive feedback from the segment on the Rachael Ray show. A few things that I definitely want to clear up.

First off, we are not simple Proposal Planners. We create and plan unique experiences and events, and they are for all kinds of occasions; be it anniversary, birthday, wedding, conference/meeting, product launch, etc.

We started this company in an effort to give people highly creative experiences that produced the feeling of being in a film, dream, fantasy... you name it. Ever wanted to feel like James Bond for a day? We wanted to make that happen. Want to relive the 1980's by putting yourself as the main character in a Hughes film? We wanted to make that happen too. And we did. We interviewed clients, found out what their partners dreams were and then wove it into a highly creative script. This script placed them in the middle of their own personalized film. But it was live.

Eventually, a few clients expressed a desire to not only experience our events but to use it as a platform to propose. While participating in a once-in-a-lifetime event, they would ask a once-in-a-lifetime question?

The media quickly grabbed on to this concept. People proposing during one our events? Sounds like a great story. At first I was flattered by the media attention. Who wouldn't be? But eventually I saw how they used me and my clients to further their own articles and agendas. Stories were being twisted, exaggerated and articles were focusing on the cost of "proposals" instead of reporting on the work that we do.

I find it interesting when angry people blog and talk about how terrible it is that event companies exist to assist people in special and romantic moments of their life. They think it is terrible that people pay for experiences, be it renting a dream exotic car, arranging a scavenger hunt, flying to Vegas or hiring a limousine. Do these same people have a problem with throwing a birthday party at a club for a friend or partner? Well, why not? Don't you pay a club money for the alcohol, private room or bottle service? Does that mean that you are less creative because you paid a venue to host a birthday party for you?

Would these people be angry if someone flew to Hawaii for a wedding, birthday, a marriage proposal or for a romantic getaway? Would they be mad if someone went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate an anniversary? Well, they should be! According to them, spending money on a romantic occasion makes you completely insincere.

Would these same people be mad if their partner bought them a piece of jewelry for a meaningful occasion? Does it make their partner less creative or insincere for spending hundreds, if not thousands of dollars on a material object? I mean, the guy didn't actually "make" the diamond or find it in the mine. He simply went into a store and bought it. At least during our events, clients are using elements of their own life to create something unbelievably personal and moving.

Some of these people claim that people must be lazy if they hire someone to assist in creating a romantic atmosphere. Does it make someone lazy if they took you out to your favorite restaurant for your birthday? I mean, the man did not actually prepare the dinner did he? He simply sat down, enjoyed it and paid for it.

The funny thing is that my clients are some of the most creative, fun, romantic and genuine people I have met. They appreciate collaborating with an "outsider." They love brainstorming with us to create something unbelievably fun, imaginative yet meaningful. Some clients have surprised their friends and significant others many times over the years and are now trying to top themselves this time around! They appreciate that my firm exists to handle the time consuming details, that we have worked for years to build our connections with vendors and that we work endless hours to make sure they are happy.

I started this company to give people special moments that were more meaningful than the diamond necklace. We help people create something so personalized, detailed, loving and fun that recipients have literally told me it was the single greatest day of their life.

Thanks to everyone for your support!

2008-04-30T12:06:00.000-07:00

Rachael Ray Show today...

Go Get It Events was featured on the Rachael Ray show today. They did a segment on proposals and since many of our clients turn our experiences into proposals, they asked us to be the featured guest! I hope to have it on the site soon. Did you enjoy?

.

2008-04-02T07:04:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend is still friends with an ex, who I think still holds a torch for her. 'Brent' comes to Michelle with all his female issues and finds excuses to call her, knowing full well she has a serious boyfriend. I honestly know they are not having an affair--as Michelle and I live together and she works with my sister--but I hate the fact that Michelle still insists on keeping Brent as a friend. I'm thinking of proposing, but can I tell Brent to stay away from my soon-to-be wife?

Matt,

It sounds like Michelle is a nice person and who is able to be friends with an old flame. If you trust her, then I would not worry about Brent and her keeping up a casual friendship. If it really bothers you, I would talk to Michelle about it. If their relationship was over long ago, then I would let this one slide. I think you may be feeling a bit insecure about your relationship. This is something that both you and Michelle need to work on. How can she make you feel more secure in your relationship? Ask yourself what would make you feel more secure.

2008-03-20T11:03:00.000-07:00

I want to propose to my girlfriend Kim, but my family does not like her because I made the mistake of telling them secrets about my relationship with her and they naturally took my side. We have gotten past those issues but my family doesn't rust her. I love her and want to marry her but am worried my parents and brother will not attend the wedding. How can I get my parents to forget what I told them about Kim and realize that she is wonderful? Help!

Greg,

Seriously. The wedding ceremony is about you and Kim. It is your marriage and your life. It is not about your mother, father and brother. I can understand that you are sad they may not attend, but it is truly their loss, not yours. Your ceremomy and life together will go on with or without their support. All you can do is sit down with them and let them know that you love Kim and will be marrying her, regardless of their blessing. Explain that she is now going to be part of the family and for you, please give her a chance. Kim should also talk to your family directly about their issues in a non-confrontational matter. She should assure them that she is sorry, that those issues have been taken care of and that she plans to never break anyone's trust again. If Kim really is wonderful, they will hopefully see this, move on and attend the ceremony.

By the way, what did Kim do?

2008-03-15T18:50:00.000-07:00

I am 32 and have been dating a great guy for around 2 1/2 years. We love each other, get along fantastically and make plenty of time for romance. The only problem is that he has never once brought up a future between us, marriage, his plans, etc. He has never even asked me if I see a future with him or asked me at what age I can see myself married. Does this sound like someone who wants to spend the rest of his life with me? I just don't want to be wasting anyone's time- especially mine.

Dear Nina,

It sounds like he is not considering marrying you. At least not anytime soon. If he was, he would have brought it up by now or made references to a future together.

I know that may sound harsh to hear but if your man has never worked it into sentences saying things such as "when we are married" or "when we have kids," or even brought up the "idea" of a near or distance marriage, he is probably not considering you for marriage or marriage at all.

I am not a believer in rules set in stone, as all people and couples are different, however, I see men in love on a constant basis and I know how they act.

When a man decides that he wants to marry his woman, he goes after it. Even if he is not ready to propose yet- he makes it known that he wants her in his future. And why wouldn't he? He doesn't want to lose her and more importantly, he wants to make sure she has similar goals to his. Most men bring it up with their girlfriends, asking them at the very least what age they would ideally like to be married.

If you don't want to get married right now, then this could be fine. But eventually you may want to find a man with similar goals.

2008-02-15T08:17:00.000-08:00

I am thinking of proposing. Do you think I should make it really grand or keep it low key? I have read all of these articles lately about really loud and grand proposals and was wondering if that is the way to go.

Dear Chris,

A lot of these articles and TV shows you watch (i.e. Inside Edition, reality shows, etc) appear desperate for good ratings so they actually seek out over-the-top proposals with these grand finales. In some cases, they even stage it- they find someone who wants to propose and then have a proposal planner make it very "TV worthy"- I know because I have been asked to do this for many TV shows.

This is all done for ratings and I find it extremely cheesy. At Go Get It events, we have done over-the-top and we have done quiet, but regardless, they have always been personal and meaningful. Never Grand just for the sake of being Grand. In fact, our proposals are experiences- experiences that every client has said is the best day/night of their life. You can give your lover one of our experiences for any occasion- it just so happens that lot of people choose it for their marriage proposal.

So my answer to you without knowing your history or personalities is to make it meaningful and honest. Outside of that- do whatever suits her personality and your relationship. Make it from the heart and you cannot go wrong.

Good luck!

2008-02-11T19:50:00.000-08:00

Should I give Red Roses on Valentine's day?

It all depends. I know a lot of women who absolutely detest getting red roses. To them it symbolizes a lack of thought. A lot of women consider it cheesy, thoughtless and uncreative to give red roses. It is almost as Hallmark told them to do it, so they went online, entered their credit card and had them sent. Not very thoughtful. Some people are actually offended, remarking "does he think I am as 'blah' as that?"

However, other women have told me, "At heart, I am a romantic who just wants the red roses and the chocolate thing."

I think it depends on your woman. If she has mentioned loving red roses, then bring them to her! Otherwise, if you are set on giving her flowers, save your money (b/c roses are $$$) and send her an arrangement that she really likes...gerber daisies, tulips, orchids, gladiolas, star gazer lilly's, a colorful mix, etc. Whatever is her favorite or you think suit her personality- just don't make it red roses!

2008-01-23T17:18:00.000-08:00

What is with guys and text-messaging? I had a few great dates with this guy, and he texts me very often to make plans. Why doesn't he just call me? He likes me if he's texting me, right? Is this considered the new 'wave' of communication?

Dear Sherie,

To be honest, if he is always texting you to make dates I would stop responding. If he wants to take you out on a date, he can call you. He can actually take the time to talk to you and ask you if you are available. I personally think texting should be reserved for flirting, funny messages and quick correspondence. My advice: teach him if he can't find the time to call you, then you can't find the time to see him.

2008-01-23T16:54:00.000-08:00

My husband is a great guy, but his manners are downright wrong at times. He often wears a dirty NY Mets baseball cap to fancy restaurants without even thinking of removing it in a formal place, and he'll sometimes cut people off when they are speaking. I hate feeling like his 'mother' around him, telling him to mind his manners. Help!

Dear Darby,

Is he open to improving his manners at all? Some people don't even know they are being impolite. He may have been brought up differently and not used to acting "formal." If he is open to changing, then gently remind him when he slips up- but NOT in front of others. Wait until you are alone and then explain where he slipped up. Keep it light and playful-not bossy, rude or naggy.

If he doesn't want to change his ways, then you can do two things: accept it or tell him that his lack of manners is a deal breaker and you are too embarrassed to go out with him in public. Hopefully after losing out on a few dates with you he will make an attempt to take off that cap in a fancy restaurant. However, if he truly doesn't care- then you will have to accept him as he is or move on.

2008-01-15T16:39:00.000-08:00

Newspaper Valentine's Day Proposals

Hey Gentlemen (and ladies),

If you want to propose via the NY Daily News on Valentine's day- give us a ring or an email. They are looking for interested men who want to profess their love and commitment in black and white and may choose you to be featured in their paper. This will not be a tiny little box- think headline news! Ok, maybe not that big but a pretty sizeable ad. Advice@GoGetIt.org

2008-01-07T22:30:00.000-08:00

My boyfriend used to date a girl named "Lanna" four years ago. Lanna has since married and moved to Europe but they still email once in awhile. He just told me that she is coming to town for a visit and she wants to meet the two of us for dinner. I feel weird about this because I don't want to meet a girl who was --at one point--sleeping with my boyfriend. I told my BF I'd feel a little uncomfortable meeting her, but he said I was being oversensitive. If we met up with 'Lanna' all night I would obsess about her being physical with my BF. Am I totally overreacting or am I in my right to be jealous and confused?

Dear Beth,

I think this is a matter of doing what is best for you. If you honestly do not want to meet her, tell your boyfriend that you have no desire to meet up. Turn it around. Would you boyfriend want to go out to dinner with one of your past lovers? I really don't think most guys would tolerate that. And if you don't feel comfortable about it, you should not tolerate it either.

If you tend to be a "pleaser" you may feel bad or guilt about this. Try not too. If you don't get bent out of shape about it or emotional and just state that you are not going to do it, he will most likely respect that and respect you. If you boyfriend wants to meet up with Lanna, then they can go have coffee or lunch together. And since they are honest to goodness acquaintances, I would let that one slide.

2007-12-13T14:30:00.000-08:00

My wife gets mad when I don't call her back right away while I am at work. I wish she would understand that I am very busy and am in meetings all day. When I do call her back a few hours later she always sounds hurt and I can tell she is mad. What should I do?

Dear Ray,

Women need attention. They want to feel loved and they want to know that you are thinking of them. Next time she calls you at work while you are in meetings, try sending her a text message that says something like: "Got your message honey. In meetings until 4. Can't wait to see you tonight!" or "miss you honey- will call when I am out of my meeting," This way she is being acknowledged, knows you got the message and she will be content knowing that you are thinking of her.

2007-12-12T20:16:00.001-08:00

I like a new guy. The only problem is that he is shorter than me by 3 inches and to be quite honest, while kind of cute, not as attractive as my normal "type." I really like him though...he makes me laugh, I can talk to him about anything and our chemistry is great. I know this is a shallow question, but should I look past the height and attraction thing?

Dear Amy,

Congratulations. You have found love.

I always know a friend's relationship is going to work when she starts off the conversation by saying "well he's not a total hunk but he's really great..." Almost like she is kind of embarrassed that he is not her usual type or as "attractive" as her past lovers.

The best part is that when a woman falls hard, she usually falls for what's inside first and the attraction grows from that. The chemistry should be there but don't discount him just because he is not what you envisioned. In one year from now, you may think he is the sexiest man you have ever seen. Trust me- it usually happens this way. Remember Charlotte and Harry from Sex and the City? Need I say more.

If you are not attracted to a man right away physically, but are intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, etc. give it a shot! You never know what will happen (and who knows- he will probably be less cocky than the hunks you were dating!) Pretty soon his small ears, crooked nose, bald head and shorter height will seem like the only way to go!

2007-12-11T14:09:00.001-08:00

Should I remain in touch with my girlfriend after we broke up last month? I think I would like to keep in touch.

Dear Mark,

My short answer is NO! My long answer is that if you had a bad breakup and need your distance to move on, you should cut all ties for at least one year. You need to get over her completely before trying to be friends or casual acquaintances . If you keep in touch, or "help" each other with the breakup, it is just going to make it harder for you both and may end up ruining any future shot at friendship. Would you feel ok, if she went on a date and you knew about it? Probably not. But after a year or two (or five), you probably will not care.

You will be unnecessarily putting yourself through pain for both of you if you are constantly in touch right now. Cutting off ties to someone you are used to talking to everyday is one of the hardest parts of a breakup. However, break off ties, grow, learn, live and after time has passed, you might just find yourself friends again.

Sometimes there is an exception to this thought. If you both grew apart and do not have romantic feelings for each other anymore and left it on good terms, then maybe you can be friends shortly after a break up.

Good luck!

2007-12-11T13:50:00.001-08:00

I am very jealous of my Boyfriends ex. He was madly in love with her for two years and it took him along time to get over her. I constantly wonder what she was like and if he is comparing me to her. I know my BF loves me, but it makes me sad that I'll never be his first love. How can I stop obsessing over my the ex and focus on the present?

Dear Greta,

The ex is an ex for a reason. I think the woman that you have the LEAST to worry about is the ex. He's tried it, he knows what she's like, and he knows it doesn't work. Think about it in reverse: You probably think about your ex from time to time, maybe even the good parts, but you don't have that curiosity to try anything with him because you have already experienced life, romance and sex with him. It's kind of old news.

He also knows that there is most likely drama attached to the ex and that alone would likely prohibit him from returning.

In a nutshell, you are already ahead of the game because YOU ARE NOT HIS EX.

Regarding being sad that you are not his first love, I say... Thank Goodness! Do you remember your first love? While there will never be anything quite like it, do you really want to go back to a time when you were inexperienced with love? I can guarantee you he learned from his past mistakes with his ex and you are benefiting from that education. Being with a man who has loved and lost is a much better deal than being with someone who has never loved at all.

2007-12-03T21:24:00.001-08:00

How can I be romantic with my wife if I am working all of the time?

Dear Carl,

If you are working all of the time your wife may be feeling a bit neglected. While she does want to actually spend time with you, showing her that you WISH you could spend time with her and that you ARE thinking of her is very important.

Try texting her in the middle of the day. Text her something funny, sweet, sexy or romantic. You could tell her that you are thinking of her, mention an inside joke, or tell her what she means to you. I can’t tell you exactly what to say- but I think its pretty self explanatory. She will sincerely appreciate the new attention.

In addition, one of the easiest ways to be a little romantic without being there is to send something to her or bring something home. What that will be depends on your relationship. There is probably nothing easier or more mindless than ordering flowers yet many guys do not do this. When you send flowers for no other reason than to say “Thinking about you,” “I miss you,” or “Last night was amazing,” you are going to see a difference in your wife. Hell- I think bringing them home is even sweeter. She is probably going to feel more secure and relaxed because she knows that even though you are busy you are s till thinking about her.

She may even lay off you a bit for being gone so much.

The important thing to remember is that most women need to always feel desired and romanced. If you are not there in person, you need to send little messages another way.