Chess + Coffee

The wedding gift that changed our life

2009-09-11T09:12:00.005-04:00

We've been married for almost a year and a half. In that time, we've found a lot of uses for some of the items for which we registered. The plates, glasses, cups, flatware- use them every day. The pots and pans, most days in a week. The mixer, about once a week.

But none of those things really changed our life. We did just fine without them- our life isn't any different because we got them; prettier, perhaps, since everything matches, but it didn't change things.

There is one gift that we got, however, that has really changed the way we do things around our house. It wasn't on our registry, and was actually a shower gift.

How to Cook Everything

This is our go to cookbook, for just about everything. My mom's go to cookbook was McCall's, and we have a Joy of Cooking, but this is really the one that teaches you how to cook, in plain english, with items you already have in the cupboard.

Favorite recipes include ice cream (best Christmas present last year was the Kitchenaid mixer attachment), pizza dough (a doubled recipe makes enough for 3 pizza stone sized pizzas, and keeps in the freezer), and crackers. Yes, crackers. For really cheap (like, 20 cents cheap) and 15 minutes time, you can have amazing homemade crackers. They are Calvin's specialty, and he makes them all the time.

We've given the cookbook to every member of our families, and talk about it whenever cooking comes up. It is that fantastic. And who knew that a cookbook could change your life?

What was your most useful wedding gift? And what is your favorite cookbook?

How to pack the dance floor

2009-08-31T06:53:00.002-04:00

A couple of people asked on my last post about how the dance floor got so packed so quickly. I must say, the same thing happened at my younger brother's wedding this summer- and didn't happen at many of the other weddings we have attended. It seems that there are a couple of things that can make a difference.

1. The bride and groom must be happy.

If they are happy, it is much easier for everyone else to be happy.

2. The right music is crucial- and live music helps.

Of the three weddings we've attended with live music, 2 had tons of dancing. Of the DJ or ipod weddings, roughly 25% (2 of 8, I think) had a lot of dancing. Regardless of how the music is played, it should be music that everyone, from grandparents on down, should be able to tap their feet to. Our big band played standards from the 1930s, '40s and '50s; my brother and his wife had a funk band that played classics from the 1970s through today. But in each case, most people knew most of the songs.

3. A dance floor in the middle of the room helps.

All of the weddings that I've attended with a lot of dancing had the dance floor in the middle of the room, surrounded on three sides by tables, with the DJ or band on the 4th side. This makes it easier for people who are not dancing to be part of the dance floor, and if people stop to take a break, it is much easier for friends to get them back on the floor.

4. Booze is important.

'nuff said.

5. The bride and groom must be on the dance floor.

My mom asked me if we would go around from table to table at the reception. To her initial dismay, I said no- we were having a receiving line so we wouldn't need to do that. I said that I planned to be on the dance floor the entire night, and if people wanted to talk to me, they could dance with me. Whether it was the right thing to do or not, it worked.

Anyone have other tips to add about how to get the dance floor moving?

Dance Dance Dance

2009-08-23T16:41:00.010-04:00

There were two things that our photographer, Ken Blaze, said about our wedding that he had never seen before at a wedding.

1. The dance floor was immediately packed following my dance with my dad.

Some dear family friends

The best man and his then girlfriend, now fiancee - we're going to their wedding in Calcutta in October!

College friends

Flower girl and ring bearer

2. The longest conga line- it extended way beyond the dance floor

Led by my piano playing youngest brother. He was so proud that he got is bowtie tied- specifically so he could look awesome at the reception when he undid it.

During the band's first break, we took a couple of group shots of friends. I'd highly recommend doing this.

The "chicas", from high school. Quite a bit different than our prom picture, I believe.

The requisite college alumni picture. Which still needs to be sent to the alumni magazine.

The group shot I wish I'd gotten- of all of the friends/families from my church that I grew up with.
And then we boogied into the night.

One of my good friends from college. At the winter formal in school, we would swing dance to at least 1 song, and did the same at his wedding.

And there you have it- our wedding in a nutshell. My youngest brother danced with 19 women (his girlfriend was in South Africa), my other brother did shots of Zwack with my uncle, and friends kept saying how much fun our wedding was- which was our original goal. To throw one helluva party.

All photos courtesy (and copyright!) of the amazing Ken Blaze.
Recap
The beginning
Getting ready
First Glance
To the Chapel
I Do
Receiving Our Guests
A little time for us
Let the party begin!
Sneak Peak
Dinner and Dessert
After dinner

After dinner

2009-08-23T16:04:00.007-04:00

After dinner, it was....
....time for dancing! (Big surprise, I know. No way you guessed that one.)

My youngest brother, pianist extraordinaire, played the song for our first dance. Ben Fold's "The Luckiest", which may be a bit cliched- but is one of my brother's signature songs that he plays whenever he is around a piano.

Our dancing lessons really paid off.

It was so fantastic to have that time together on the dance floor.

Following our dance, I danced with my dad while the band played "Fly Me To the Moon".

This is my favorite picture ever of my dad and I.
My dad and I used to attend Girl Scout Father-Daughter dances when I was much younger- but both of us were more of the wallflower type than tearing it up on the dance floor. But the lessons that Calvin and I took, and my parents are still taking, really paid off.

The crowd really got into it as well.

Calvin's cousins and mom

Random people I don't know. Seriously- they are friends of Calvin's parents, and I have no idea who they are. And Calvin doesn't want to admit it, but he doesn't know who they are either.
At the end of the dance, I gave my dad a hug.

As did Calvin.

And then the party really got started!

All photos courtesy (and copyright!) of the amazing Ken Blaze.
Recap
The beginning
Getting ready
First Glance
To the Chapel
I Do
Receiving Our Guests
A little time for us
Let the party begin!
Sneak Peak
Dinner and Dessert

A little shower help....

2009-03-21T15:32:00.002-04:00

My mom and I are planning a bridal shower for my brother's fiancee. My own shower had a theme of "Around the Clock", where guests brought gifts that corresponded with something that I would be use at that time of the day.

But we're stuck on what to do as a theme for the shower. Her mother throws fabulous tea parties, so that is out. We're planning on having it on a Saturday afternoon in May.

So- what was the best themed shower that you have been to?

Surveying the Bridesmaids

2009-01-30T17:59:00.003-05:00

Yes, I know, long time no post. One of these days I really will get around to finishing my wedding recap...

Anyways, on to more practical wedding planning things! I'm a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding, and his lovely fiancee sent out an email earlier this week about appropriate attire.

An excerpt is as follows:

"I think I have talked to all of you about possibly getting dresses from jcew and it seemed like everyone liked the idea. So, I have created a survey to find out which styles and colors you all prefer. We do not have official wedding colors so things are pretty flexible...all we know is we want things to be colorful and summery! On the survey I choose the 4 colors that I liked the best initially...but feel free to comment on other colors if you like something else (I don't pretend to have good taste). I like the idea of having different styles in the same fabric so you can choose a dress according to what you will feel comfortable in. So here's the link to the survey...You will want to have the jcrew website opened while you are taking the survey so you can see what I'm talking about!"

Absolutely brilliant. The survey (created at SurveyMonkey) asked questions about fabric and color choices. Since J. Crew's short bridesmaid dresses range from $150 to $285, depending upon fabric style, she also asked about the affordability of the dresses.

Has anyone else created an online survey for any part of wedding planning?

dinner and dessert

2008-11-23T11:42:00.007-05:00

And then it was time for the guests to enter the ballroom!

We had only two toasts, both scheduled before dinner.

My dad went first...

(I was so happy!)

followed by the best man

A bit of man love.

After grace was said, it was time to dig in.

Vegetarian tastiness...

...and food for the carnivores

The entire ballroom

And then dessert was served. You may recall that instead of having wedding cake, we opted for rose creme brulee.

It was absolutely perfect for us to have a bit of time, enjoying ourselves, and not necessarily be the complete center of attention like the traditional cake cutting

Plus, there is no possibility of the dreaded cake smash

All photos courtesy (and copyright!) of the amazing Ken Blaze.
Recap
The beginning
Getting ready
First Glance
To the Chapel
I Do
Receiving Our Guests
A little time for us
Let the party begin!
Sneak Peak

Sneak peak

2008-11-18T18:25:00.001-05:00

Marisa Gindi, the utterly fabulous hotel coordinator, gave us a sneak peak of the ballroom before guests entered.

We were blown away.

At the entrance to the ballroom

Tall centerpiece

Closeup- all of the flowers were carnations

The menu was designed to match our invitations- this was before they were tucked into the napkins

Each table was named for a different Cleveland landmark. Calvin's dad took the photos for each location.

All photos courtesy (and copyright!) of the amazing Ken Blaze.
Recap
The beginning
Getting ready
First Glance
To the Chapel
I Do
Receiving Our Guests
A little time for us
Let the party begin!

Let the party begin!

2008-11-15T08:06:00.012-05:00

Thanks for all who commented on my last post- I will indeed continue with the recap :-)

After taking time for our pictures, we headed for the reception in time to catch cocktail hour. (When we arrived, though, I didn't head directly for the food. I first stopped in the bridal suite to change shoes into something that was more comfortable. For those looking for a comfortable option that isn't flip-flops, I highly recommend ballroom dancing shoes.)

The cocktail hour was held in the lobby area of the Renaissance Hotel's Gold Ballroom.

Scoping out the beverages...

As a fairly last minute decision in the planning process, we decided to hire a Rick Iacoboni for cocktail hour. The Renaissance wanted an obscene amount of money to set up the area for piped music (our original plan), so it was actually cheaper to hire Rick.

The ring bearer got some time in with his dad.

I got some time with my grad school friends

And Calvin caught up with a college friends and his wife. His wife is Dutch- hence the wedding present of wooden shoes.

My "adopted grandparents" - close family friends- looked on

Guests had the opportunity to sign our photo guestbook (Tip: Mpix books with linen paper pages have the perfect texture for guests to write in any type of ink.)

The placecards- I didn't even make it over to the table where they were located!

Around this point, the amazing Marisa Gindi (hotel wedding coordinator extraordinaire, and I do mean extraordinaire) let us take a sneak peak at the ballroom...

All photos courtesy (and copyright) of Ken Blaze.
Recap
The beginning
Getting ready
First Glance
To the Chapel
I Do
Receiving Our Guests
A little time for us

The secret life of...

2008-11-05T11:18:00.002-05:00

Following Penguin's example, I thought I'd share my own secret. (Not that it is much of a secret, if you've noticed my absence of posts.)

I'm completely, totally, 100% over weddings- planning, recapping, blogging. Don't get me wrong- our wedding turned out great, it was one of the most fun days of my life- but being married is so much better.

Writing picture-filled posts recapping the wedding takes time, and since I started working, time has been a precious commodity. And the recap posts that I have done have generated only a small amount of interest, which doesn't help my minimal motivation to post.

So there you have it- my not-so-secret secret. Please let me know if you are interested in seeing more wedding pics; if there is enough interest, I'll continue the recap.

A little time for us

2008-10-27T15:46:00.000-04:00

Early in the wedding planning, we knew that we wanted to take some time in between the ceremony and the reception just for us. I don't generally like being the center of attention, and it was important for both of us to get a bit of a break and have a little time just for us.

First stop was a tea house on Murray Hill that we would visit when we were just friends.

And some chess- since that was how we initially got together. No, that's not a beer- I opted for iced tea.

Shortly after we arrived, my best friend and maid-of-honor appeared. She'd been planning on going to get mocha at our favorite coffee shop, but at the last minute decided that tea was what she really wanted. I hadn't mentioned anything about our plans to hit up Algebra- but there we were, and there she was.

Competition was fierce...

...and ended in a stalemate.

After the game, we ended up with about 45 minutes before the reception, so we headed to a Cleveland landmark- the West Side Market.

Before going into the market, Calvin bustled my dress

Produce

Meat- not just any meat, mind you, but Hungarian meat.

People clapped and cheered when we walked by

View from the balcony...

that was inhabited by a homeless looking President of the Association for Magyar Awareness. He was emphatically NOT Hungarian.

All photos courtesy (and copyright) of Ken Blaze.
Recap
The beginning
Getting ready
First Glance
To the Chapel
I Do
Receiving Our Guests

Receiving our guests

2008-10-25T10:19:00.000-04:00

We're finally settled into our New York digs, which means that it is time for the wedding recap to begin again. Who knew working a real job (that involves a lot of travel!) would be so crazy?

We made it to the end of the church, and proceeded to kiss some more.

Calvin was greeted as another brother by my youngest brother. (In a bit of homage to family, my brother is wearing my late grandfather's cufflinks.)

My parents were so happy

Calvin's 93 year old grandfather was able to attend

I don't think that anyone was happier than him.

Surprise!

Instead of using bubbles or birdseed, we bought about 200 pinwheels for our send-off.

The soloist in our ceremony helped pass out the pinwheels

The weather held up, so we were able to have our receiving line outside.
Hugs all around

Close up of the pinwheel

The wind was crazy that day

Pinwheel send-off

Our super-sweet ride

All photos courtesy (and copyright) of the amazing Ken Blaze
Previously on the Dahlia wedding recap:
The beginning
Getting ready
First Glance
To the Chapel
I Do

The recap will recommence

2008-07-15T14:23:00.003-04:00

As soon as we're done moving!

Image found here.

That's right, next week Calvin and I are moving to NYC! It's been quite a whirlwind since he received the job offer on Friday, but I promise once we have relocated to the east coast, I will post about our reception as well as the surprises we had in store for our guests.

In the meantime, anyone have any tips for surviving an inter-state move?

I Do

2008-07-04T07:15:00.014-04:00

And then it was time for the ceremony.

First the moms:

Calvin's parents

My mom, escorted by my brothers

The bridal party:

Youngest brother Dahlia and Sister-in-law

Younger brother Dahlia and future sister-in-law

Maid of honor and best man- our two best friends in the world

Calvin is calm, cool and collected

The flower girl and ring bearer are getting ready to go

Walking down the aisle

Walking with my dad. Note that I'm looking around, instead of straight ahead. I was so taken by all of the friends and family that had joined us that I forgot to look at Calvin until I was pretty much all the way down the aisle.

Almost there...

The scene from the balcony

Lovely bridesmaids

The best man kept a hand on the ring bearer, who really was carrying our wedding bands.

Listening to the brief message from the minister

Vow action shot

Another vow action shot

After the exchange of rings

The congregation

We knew from the beginning that we wanted the service to be a worship service, which for us included offering communion to the church. At the minister's suggestion, we assisted in the serving, and asked my mother (who just graduated from seminary!) to also serve communion.

And then....

The kiss.

Shall we go?

We're married!

In the "privacy" of the back of the church...

We had to kiss a little more

Previously on the Dahlia wedding recap:
The beginning
Getting ready
First Glance
To the Chapel

*All pictures courtesy of the fabulous Ken Blaze.

To the chapel

2008-07-01T08:09:00.010-04:00

Calvin and I arrived at the church a bit behind schedule.

(The original plan was to be at the church by 1:30, but we didn't get there until just before 2. The ceremony was to begin at 3.)

And then it was time for the family photos. Neither of us are big on the posed pictures, so this only took about 15 minutes for the 5 different shots that that we wanted.

Calvin's immediately family.

Calvin's extended family.

My immediate family- note that I'm 6' in heels, and I'm still among the shortest in my family.

My extended family. (Minus my two uncles and an aunt, who missed the message. I didn't really care.)

All of our extended family.

Amazingly, by the end of the posed pictures, we were actually right on schedule- it was only 2:15. (You can take care of all the posed family pictures in 15 minutes!)

Tip: Know exactly what posed pictures you want, and make sure everyone knows what time they will be taken.

At this point, the ladies all headed down to the "bride's dressing room", also known as a ridiculously huge women's restroom.

It was a bit nostalgic for me, since it was in this room that I would get ready for various plays/pageants/Christmas tableaus I was in when I was a kid and teen.

A little touch-up

A little pizza. The flower girl very politely asked me if she could have some pizza, and I said it was no problem, so long as she was willing to wear some sort of bib over her white dress.

(Note that in the background, I am sitting down and my red shoes are off.)

Pizza.

The ring-bearer wanted in on the pizza as well.

Meanwhile, the guys were in the minister's office.

Until they heard from someone* that there was pizza downstairs

They wanted in on the action

Brother and sister

A little pep talk

Getting ready to go

Final prep, and then it's showtime!

Previously on the Dahlia wedding recap:
The beginning
Getting ready
First Glance

*pizza tip and all pictures courtesy of Ken Blaze.

The first glance

2008-06-30T15:04:00.008-04:00

The beginning
Getting ready

The plan was that Calvin would come up to the bridal suite at 12:45, where we would have 15 minutes or so to be alone together (and check each other out in our wedding finest.)

Truth be told, I was running a little bit late. About 2 minutes late, which isn't too bad for a bride on her wedding day.

Calvin, on the other hand, was running much further behind.

On the phone, trying to figure out what was going on.

Tip: If you're planning on having the guys wear self-tie bow-ties, it's a really good idea to have some pre-tied ones for backup, even if the groom can perfectly tie a bow-tie on a normal day at home.

Once Calvin assured me that he would be there in 5-10 minutes, I double-checked that everything was in order.

Turns out my youngest brother was in one of the bathrooms finishing getting dressed.

I told him that he looked absolutely fabulous

and then sent him on his way.

Not long after, there was a knock on the door.

Calvin was extraordinarily relieved to see me. (I'd never seen him so stressed out in my life. I thought I was supposed to be the one who was crazed, but that day, I was as cool as a cucumber.) Our time together went something like this:

Kiss.

Shut the door.

Kiss.

Begin exchanging gifts.

Calvin loved the scrapbook I made.

Kiss.

The only time I cried the whole day was reading the letter Calvin wrote me.

Time to go!

Kiss.

Wait for the valet.

One last kiss.

To the church! (in our '02 VW Passat Wagon.)

All pictures copyright of the amazing Ken Blaze.

Getting ready

2008-06-26T09:55:00.009-04:00

After the hair and makeup, we were slightly behind schedule upon return to the hotel. My fabulous youngest brother had gotten myself and the other ladies sandwiches, and my mom and a dear friend (from Germany!) were waiting for us in the bridal suite. My original thought had been to eat lunch together, but people grabbed their lunch to go, and my mom went to make sure that my she and my dad would also have something to eat.

So I got a chance to eat, and Ken took some pictures.

Yes, that is me, eating a sandwich.

Tip: Hanging your dress in the window is often the only place in the room that will enable you to keep the train from dragging. It's why everyone has the dress in the window shot.

The goods: my purse, the shoes, jewelry and the perfume Calvin gave me at Christmas.

And then it was time to get dressed:

The hardest part was trying to figure out how to get the dress off the hanger.

Tip: Spanx rock. Hard. And if you are planning on having this part of the day documented on film, I recommend being totally comfortable walking around in your undergarments.

Ken had told me that sometimes it takes brides all of 2 minutes to get dress, and other times it takes an hour.

Me? I was of the 2 minute variety.

Step...

Pull up...

Zip...

Tape... (yes, I did use fashion tape to make sure my dress wouldn't fall down)

And I'm dressed

My mom helped with my great-great-aunt's necklace. (Note the hair beginning to fall out. This is MY fault, in that I couldn't wait until after the wedding to chop my hair, and was insistent that I get a french twist.)

Putting in the matching earrings that we got converted to work for pierced ears.

Putting on the shoes. My mom helped me get in and out of my shoes for every dress fitting.

All set and ready to go, with a little bit of time to chat.

Saying good-bye to my mom

Checking myself out one last time before meeting Calvin...

All pictures are copyright of Ken Blaze.

The beginning...

2008-06-24T09:26:00.009-04:00

The night before the wedding, I stayed in the bridal suite (which the fabulous hotel coordinator, Marisa Gindi, upgraded me to.) Not wanting to spend the night totally by myself, I asked my youngest brother if he wanted to crash on the pullout sofa.

Tip: if you are looking for a place to get ready in downtown Cleveland, I highly recommend the bridal suites at the Renaissance Cleveland Hotel. The suite was easily bigger than our 750 sq. ft. apartment, and the bathroom? Let's just say that you could very easily have a dance party for 20 in it. It was amazing.

The day began at the very pleasant hour of around 7:30am. Hair and makeup wasn't scheduled until 10:45, so I took my time getting ready and enjoyed a bit of room service breakfast.

Tip: If you are staying at a hotel the night before the wedding, order room service for breakfast.

My brother headed out around 9 or so to meet the guys for breakfast and I just relished in the fact that I was getting married. Being someone who needs her space, it was really good to have the morning to myself.

At 10:15, I called my bridesmaids, and asked if they could join my in the bridal suite, so that we would be ready to go at 10:30 for our appointments.
Tip: It's a good idea to double check verbally that everyone knows when things are happening.

The appointments were at Studio Palmieri, conveniently located just a few blocks from the hotel. When we arrived at 10:40, our amazing photographer, Ken Blaze, was waiting for us.

Entering the salon. I chose to wear one of my favorite shirts, which I've borrowed from my mom (and which she wore to her rehearsal dinner nearly 27 years ago.) Along with my favorite jeans. And these:

My favorite Birkentocks were a necessity.

Waiting for our appointments

The ladies were called for their appointments first

Best friend (and maid of honor!)

Brother's fiancee

Calvin's sister

And then it was my turn. The look I was going for was a french twist...

Which meant that my fine hair was teased. Really teased.

So I was reading Marie Claire magazine, and happened upon these pictures of Tina Fey- which turned out to be pretty much exactly what I wanted to do with my hair. I pointed out the picture to Dena, and she was able to do exactly what I wanted.

Perfect.

And then it was time for makeup- not only does Dena do amazing hair, but she does absolutely fabulous makeup.

Tip: If you have a favorite lip gloss or lipstick, use it on your wedding day

One last coat of hairspray...

A final check of the hair...

Taking care of the bill...

And we were good to go.

All photographs are copyrighted by Ken Blaze

Wedding recap...

2008-06-23T09:30:00.007-04:00

is about to commence. Yes, dear readers, the technological issues have been resolved, and it is now time for full recap of the day.*

But you need to answer a question. What do you want to hear about first?

Getting ready:

Checking each other out for the first time:

The ceremony:

The details:

Reception silliness:

-or-

All the secret surprises I'd been unable to blog about before the wedding:

(I'll be sure to cover everything, but I want to know what you are most eager to hear about.)

*Please note- all pictures are copyrighted by the amazing Ken Blaze.

Bridesmaid Gifts

2008-06-18T12:32:00.000-04:00

I couldn't blog about it before the wedding (since I know that some of the ladies in the bridal party read this), but I wanted to share what I did to thank the lovely ladies who stood up with me.

Borrowing heavily from Mrs. Onion, I got a couple of small items for each woman, put together nicely and these awesome storage containers from Ikea.

Each box contained one of the following:

1 pair of earrings from Dasha Boutique, with each pair selected specifically for the lady.

1 Threadless t-shirt, again a different one for each lady, based on their own interests.
1 cosmetic bag from J. Crew
and

1 soap in a jar from Etsy seller dennisanderson, each a different scent. (I'd highly recommend ordering from Dennis- the soaps smelled absolutely amazing, and turnaround time on the order was really fast.)

Each of the lovely women seemed to really like their gift, and appreciate the thought that went into selecting personalized gifts.

What are you giving to your attendants?

Sundae time!

2008-06-17T12:06:00.006-04:00

A friend of mine who was unable to make it to the wedding came by this past weekend to check out the wedding pictures* and see how her wedding gift works in action. (For those of you thinking about a shower or wedding present for friends- this ice cream scoop is awesome, and is definitely in our top 5 list of most used wedding presents.)

In preparation for the visit, Calvin and I headed out to get some ice cream, and I whipped up a little hot fudge sauce. Because nothing is better than ice cream and hot fudge.

Image available here.

It also got me thinking about how easy it would be to have sundaes for an engagement or bridal shower. This would work especially tasty, kid-friendly and alcohol free party alternative. Different types of ice cream, different toppings, whipped cream- how could anyone not have a good time?

To get the party started, I present to you the best hot fudge recipe:

Dahlia's Hot Fudge
3/4 c. cocoa powder (high quality cocoa makes a difference)
1 c. sugar in the raw (or white sugar, if you prefer)
1/4 t. salt
1/2 c. milk
1/4 c. butter
1 1/2 t. vanilla

Combine cocoa, sugar and salt in a small saucepan until well mixed. Add milk and butter and stir over medium heat until butter is melted. Continue stirring (constantly) until the sugar dissolves- do not let the mixture boil. Remove from heat and stir in vanilla. Store in a jar in the fridge.

As a note- the fudge sauce will be very thick when cold. (Some might say it's the perfect consistency for dipping a spoon into...) To make it easy to pour, just heat it in the microwave for 30 seconds or so. The fudge should keep for 2-3 months in the fridge (but it always manages to disappear within a week or so around here.)

*A note about the wedding pictures- I have the proofs from the wedding. I'm having some technical difficulties getting the pictures uploaded on to my computer, but as soon as I do that, the wedding recap will be on its way.

Gender roles in marriage

2008-06-13T13:35:00.001-04:00

I read this article in the New York Times with great interest, as family and gender is an issue about which I am rather passionate.

Much of what the article touches on is the inequity in the amount of house work two fully employed partners do at home. The results discussed in the article suggest that when both a husband and a wife are employed full time, women still end up spending twice as much time as men on housework. (For same sex couples, this disparity does not exist). It then goes into some of the implications about why that is the case, and it really got me thinking.

Calvin and I try and split things 50/50 as much as possible. But my job (full time grad student, part time instructor) is a lot more flexible than his job is (8-5 in IT). This is especially true in the summer, when I work as a research assistant and am working on my own research- I can pretty much work whenever I want to, so long as it all gets done.

As a result of this flexibility, I end up being the one who takes care of a lot of stuff around the house. Granted, when it is the last 6 weeks of a term, Calvin pretty much takes over all of the household chores (cooking, cleaning and laundry), but that's only 3 months out of the year. The rest of the time, I tend to do more of the cooking and the cleaning- because I'd rather do dishes when he's at work and spend time with him when he's at home than have him wash the dishes when he's home.

Down the line, though, this set pattern could be problematic. We've talked about raising a family, and have decided that if we could afford to have one parent stay home, it would be Calvin. But I'm not sure how well that would work out, since we sometimes have different views of what it means for a chore to be completed. (Case in point: laundry. Calvin "does laundry" and leaves it in the dryer downstairs. I "do laundry" and makes sure to bring it upstairs, and do my best to fold it and put it away in a timely manner.) The whole Calvin staying at home idea was also based on the assumption that I would, after grad school, have greater earning power than him (and we'll see if that actually happens.)

Both of us really want the division of labor to be equitable (and we are continually saying "thank you" when the other person takes care of one of the chores), but sometimes it doesn't really feel that way. But I feel like I don't have much of a right to complain about it, as I don't really have any suggestions for how to make it "equal."

How do you divide the labor in your household? If you could change it, how would you?

Another honeymoon highlight

2008-06-12T13:07:00.005-04:00

A Balinese cooking class! Calvin and I, being the foodies that we are, were really excited to take a cooking class while on our honeymoon.

We had heard about a couple of places to go, and ended up at Bumi Bali for a 5 hour cooking class, which included a tour of the Ubud Market.

The market:

Entering the market

Heading to the lower level where most of the food is sold

Everything is carried or stored in these baskets

Lots of different types of peppers!

Surprisingly, a lot of the produce is imported from other parts of Indonesia (or the world.)

After a tour of the market, we headed back to the restaurant for our cooking class, where we learned to make seven different dishes.

Calvin mixing together vegetables

Tuna sambal matah

mixing up the meat for sate lillit

A recipe for shrimp from the instructor's mother.

The food was really good- and we received a cookbook of all of the different recipes we cooked (as well as many others to try.)

Is anyone else taking a cooking class on their honeymoon?

Visiting the Monkey Forest, or Watch a Monkey Climb on Calvin's Head

2008-06-06T14:44:00.010-04:00

One of the highlights of our honeymoon was a trip (two, actually, because it was that much fun) to the Monkey Forest in Ubud, Bali. For 1,500 rupiahs (about $1.60 or s0), you can enter the park. Another 2,000-3,000 rupiahs will get you a bunch of 15-20 bananas to feed the monkeys.

And that's where the fun begins.

We got caught in a rainstorm, and took shelter right outside of this temple.

Waiting for the rain to let up.

Snack time!

Meg feeds the monkeys

Monkeys climb on Calvin

Monkeys climb on Meg

As we were leaving, we noticed a mother feeding her baby, so we had to stop and take some pictures.

If you ever find yourself in Bali, I highly recommend a trip to the Sacred Monkey Forest.

Making Bouquets Is Really Easy, or It's Damn Near Impossible to Make Flowers Look Bad

2008-06-05T07:51:00.009-04:00

By popular demand (and at the special request of soontobemrsc, ambrosia and wondermart, who is making her bouquet this weekend), I present to you the making of the bouquets. (For you monkey lovers, tomorrow's post will be filled with pictures and video of the Monkey Forest.)

Around 8:45am on Friday, the day before the wedding, I headed out with a carload of helpers in search of flowers. I could have contacted a distributor (or at least the manager of Trader Joe's and Costco) about ordering specific flowers, but that required a little more coordination than I was able to handle in the month before the wedding. Besides, it seemed like it would be a lot more fun to not know exactly what flowers I would get. My only requirements were red flowers for the bridesmaids, and white/cream flowers for me. In my ideal world, I would be able to include stock and hydrangeas, which are my two favorite flowers.

The first stop was Cleveland's West Side Market. Disappointingly, there was only one flower vendor at the market that morning. Fortunately, the vendor had an abundance of red and white flowers in large quantities. There we gathered together about $70 worth of mums, tulips, stock(!) and assorted other appropriately colored flowers. Having cleaned out the stand, I was still looking for a little bit more variety for my bouquet.

From there we headed back across town to Trader Joe's. (Both the market and TJ's are within 20 minutes of my parents' house. In opposite directions. Which meant we spent well over an hour just driving to get the flowers.) Another $50 or so (which includes money spent picking up a small number of groceries and flowers for my mom, as well as hydrangeas(!)), we proceeded to check out. When I very gleefully told the cashier that these were the flowers for my bridal bouquet, he talked with one of the other associates who then came bounding over with a dozen hot pick roses for me, as a congratulations from the store. (It was a thoughtful gesture, although hot pink is not a color I especially like, nor am I a big fan of roses.)

Once back home, the group (which at this point consisted of my maid of honor, her boyfriend, and me) set about to unwrapping the bouquets and pulling the leaves off of the flowers.

Note the lone dozen hot pink roses in the background.
The rest of the flowers

Following what seemed to work well when I gave it a try back in April, I started to arrange the bouquets. (Much thanks to Autumn who gave me instructions on how to use floral tape. Tape turned out to be much easier than wire.) When they flowers were arranged, I wrapped and secured ribbon around each of the bouquets (for mine, I used fabric that matched my dress.) I then trimmed the stems so that they were even, and set each bouquet in a mason jar with about an inch of water. (The mason jars were my mom's storage suggestion. They worked absolutely perfectly.)

As we got done a little bit later than I had anticipated (mostly because we got off to a later start than planned), I didn't take any pictures of the completed bouquets that day.

But I do have some non-pro pics of the bouquets in action at the wedding:

The bouquets, with me and the flower girl.

Note the stock pot used to transport the bouquets in their mason jars.

Some last minute arranging. Turns out the tulips in the bouquets each grew about an inch overnight, making the bouquets look a bit like aliens.

Bridesmaid and flower girl bouquets in action

Up close and personal with my bouquet (that's my youngest brother's hands in the background)

Would I do it again? Absolutely. I really enjoyed arranging the flowers, and didn't really find it very stressful at all. And it's really hard to make flowers look bad, since they are pretty to begin with. Bouquets were not a high priority for me at all, and since I wasn't seeking perfection (if you are, I highly recommend going with a florist), it didn't really bother me that a very small number of flowers in the bouquet looked slightly wilted the day of the wedding.

Total costs (in time and dollars):
Time: 4.75 hours (2.25 for purchasing; 2.5 for prepping/arranging)
Total money spent on flowers and supplies for 5 bouquets: about $110

Lessons Learned:
-It was really helpful to have other people stripping off the leaves.
-If we had used roses, it would have taken substantially longer to prepare and arrange the flowers as they would have needed to be dethorned.
-Tulips, while beautiful, will grow quite a bit overnight. This can leave your bouquet looking like it has alien antennas.
-Assuming you are after "good enough" and not "perfection", plan to allot about a half hour per bouquet. Perfection will take substantially longer.
-Spider mums photograph somewhat strangely.
-The best workspace is a large table or counter
-Have a compost or garbage bag ready for all of the leaves and stems
-Mason jars make great storage vases for the bouquets.
-Some flowers will break when you are prepping/arranging them, so it is best to generously estimate how many flowers you need.