Johnny LaRue's Crane Shot

Murder Is My Business

2008-08-19T21:11:00.000-05:00

Well, I've finished Lancer's Soldato series, now that #3, STRANGLE HOLD!, is done. Writer Al Conroy sticks to the tried-and-true Soldato formula, which basically recycles the previous Soldato book. This time, Johnny Morini is in Florida, where fat old Don Nemo Paragluci summons two other dons, from Jacksonville and from Miami, with a plan to team up as a combine and take over all Syndicate business in the Sunshine State. Morini poses as Frank Lott, a Mob official from California, who's ostensibly there to monitor Nemo's operation. In reality, Morini, working on orders from wealthy Carmine Pannunzio and his Washington contact Riley, is to get in good with Nemo's family and then destroy the entire operation.

At 222 pages, STRANGLE HOLD! doesn't feel at all padded. Even though a late-chapter art heist comes across as incongruous, it's paced and described with such tension that it plays more naturally than it should. Even though Morini, basically, is just a knockoff of the Butcher—another ex-Mafioso now dedicated to destroying the Syndicate—Conroy keeps the formula feeling fresh. And, yes, there is, as in #1 and #2, another setpiece involving Morini trudging through the wilderness with two gunsels on his tail.

Today's Tough Cop Fighting For Justice

2008-08-18T22:25:00.002-05:00

I know exactly where I was and what I was doing the evening of March 13, 1982. Can you say the same?

The Hammer Strikes

2008-08-17T19:02:00.001-05:00

The Onion AV Club's latest Random Roles subject is the great Fred Williamson, who talks (a lot) about his two favorite subjects: kicking ass and himself.

The Target Is H

2008-08-17T11:24:00.004-05:00

One of the best men's adventure paperback series of the 1970s began with THE TARGET IS H, which reveals the origin of the Penetrator. Most (all?) of the Penetrator books were written, separately, by Mark Roberts (the odd-numbered entries) and Chet Cunningham (the evens), and were published by Pinnacle, which had found gold with its influential Executioner series by Don Pendleton.

I prefer the Penetrator series to the Executioner because of its varied plots and slight SF angle that occasionally push it closer to spy fiction than crime drama. THE TARGET IS H, however, features a purely Pendletonian plot, as hero Mark Hardin targets the Los Angeles heroin trade led by Don Pietro Scarelli, who works for a mysterious British mobster known as Sir Lordship.

Hardin's first mission is motivated by revenge, as we learn through flashbacks how he came to be gunning for mobsters. He was an expert tracker and sharpshooter in Vietnam who nearly died while investigating the appearance of American medical supplies and weapons on the black market. The U.S. Army personnel involved with the crimes attacked and beat Hardin nearly to death. After his long recovery, Hardin received his honorary discharge, and came to Los Angeles, where the orphan had been reared in a number of foster homes before attending UCLA on a football scholarship.

Hardin, nicknamed the Penetrator in 'Nam, met a retired college professor, William Haskins, who invited the lonely nomad to live in his hidden desert bunker, a luxurious stronghold buried deep within an abandoned mine. There, Hardin trained his mind and his physical body, thanks to heavy mentoring by Haskins and an elderly Cheyenne Indian named David Red Eagle. He also fell in love with the professor's niece, Donna Morgan, who was shortly thereafter killed when the car she and Hardin were riding in was forced off the side of a mountain by mobsters, who, at that moment, forever earned the wrath of the Penetrator.

Just 156 pages long, THE TARGET IS H is a little choppy, as it doesn't really have enough room to tell Hardin's origin and settle into its adventure plot against the drug cartel. It is rapidly paced, of course, but one wonders why the origin story didn't receive the entire book. It's a good read, but the Penetrator series would get even better.

And The American Way

2008-08-14T23:14:00.004-05:00

2006's HOLLYWOODLAND purports to tell the tragic story of actor George Reeves, whose gunshot death in 1959 was ruled a suicide by Los Angeles County authorities. However, Reeves' death has been shrouded in mystery for nearly half a century, and, to this day, there are those who believe the actor's death was accidental or even murder.

Reeves, who began his film career in 1939 as one of the Tarleton twins in GONE WITH THE WIND, became a television legend, due to his starring role in the syndicated kids adventure series THE ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN, which ran 104 episodes in the 1950s, and has not only been rerun in perpetuity since, but is also now available on DVD. During his SUPERMAN period, Reeves' companion was a slightly older woman named Toni Mannix, who was the wife of Eddie Mannix, the vice president of MGM. Toni's affair with Reeves was an open secret, though Mannix's alleged underworld connections give credence to theories that either he killed Reeves for dating his wife or that Toni did out of jealousy after George left her for a younger woman that he apparently planned to marry.

HOLLYWOODLAND, the feature debut of television director Allen Coulter (THE SOPRANOS), tells its story through the eyes and the prominent proboscis of private eye Louis Simo (Adrien Brody). At first, I thought the film was going to take the CITIZEN KANE path and use Simo as Welles did William Alland's reporter, interviewing those who knew Reeves and then flashing back to periods of the SUPERMAN star's life. It should have.

Unfortunately, Coulter spends too much time with Simo's domestic problems. I couldn't care less about Simo's son's depression over his TV hero's death, his fights with his ex-wife, or his alternate job taking pictures of a cuckolded husband's wife. None of this has anything to do with George Reeves or good drama, for that matter. Somehow, I get the impression that Coulter and his screenwriter believed they were making a film about a down-and-out detective and not one of Hollywood's most intriguing mysteries.
George Reeves is essayed by a miscast Ben Affleck, who admittedly gets Reeves' voice down, but neither looks like the star nor duplicates the charisma that made him a hero to millions of children. Better is Diane Lane as Toni Mannix, with Bob Hoskins as her husband. Production values are solid, considering the low budget, though the film does feature more than its fair share of historical inaccuracies (such as a mention of Esso stations, which didn't exist in L.A. during the '50s). Warner Brothers forbade Coulter to use clips from THE ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN, forcing the director to re-create the opening titles using a soundalike score. Reportedly, Warners also forbade Focus Features and Miramax from using Superman's eminent "S" logo in HOLLYWOODLAND's marketing, though it does appear on Affleck's chest in the film.

Reeves, I don't think, comes across well in HOLLYWOODLAND. Setting aside his long-term relationship with a married woman, he is portrayed by Affleck as charming (as best Affleck can, I suppose), but also shallow, desperate and ashamed of his Superman fame. I think the worst tragedy surrounding Reeves' death, at least if HOLLYWOODLAND can be believed, is that he was either never aware or never proud of the joy that he brought to so many people. THE ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN, while cheaply produced from overly puerile scripts, remains a joy to watch more than fifty years later, and that's mainly due to the twinkling charm of George Reeves, whose Superman was stern but fair with criminals and a friend to those in need. It is a tremendous shame that he was unable to enjoy bringing so much pleasure to so many, young and old.

Panasonic Still Dragging Their Heels

2008-08-13T22:33:00.003-05:00

I swear, I think Panasonic is just trying to outlast me, believing that, at any moment, I will crack and collapse into a mewling mess. After sending an email on Sunday and leaving a phone message on Monday, I got a call back from Karen at Panasonic yesterday. She had nothing to say: "still running tests blah blah may have to send to Japan blah blah unable to provide you with a temporary unit blah blah." I asked her what, specifically, the Panasonic engineers in New Jersey have been doing with my broken DVD recorder. She didn't know, but she got one of the them on the line for a 3-way conversation.

A brief interjection. As I was asked, I sent Panasonic a letter the last time I sent my DVD recorder in, explaining exactly what the problem was. A day or so before I sent it, I learned on an online forum that, if I switched the dubbing mode from High-Speed Dubbing to Silent Mode, the machine may function better. I tried it, and it did with the few discs that I burned. Inadvertently, I left the machine on Silent Mode when I sent it in, but I told Karen over the phone that it should be tested in High-Speed mode. I also wrote in the letter that I believe the DVD drive may be the problem, as discs have never burned consistently using it, and that the spindle may need to be cleaned (I also picked up this tip on a forum, but I can't do it myself without voiding the warranty).

So. I get on the horn with the engineer. He tells me about all the discs they've been burning and they've "been unable to duplicate the problem you're having." Like I never heard that before.

"Did you burn in High-Speed mode?"
"No."
"Did you clean the spindle?"
"No."
"Did you replace the DVD drive?"
"No."

So, basically, the last four weeks have been a total waste of time. He wanted to "try copying under the same conditions" as me. This makes no sense. He's supposed to be fixing the DVD recorder. It's very possible that he could have cleaned the spindle the first friggin' day he had it, the machine would then have been working perfectly, and he could have sent it back. Same with the DVD drive. And why is he burning discs in Silent Mode, when all the trouble I've been having has been with High-Speed Mode???

As an aside, the only reason I tried Silent Mode or considered the spindle is from learning about this from amateurs online. In the 50 or so phone calls I have had with various Panasonic personnel, including customer service representatives whose only job is to, you know, serve the customers, no one has ever, ever provided me with any advice as to how to fix the problem, beyond "send the machine in for repair." This is incompetence of the highest level.

So, I still wait. The engineer said he'll do more tests, and then he asked my permission to send my DVD recorder to Japan for more tests. I can't imagine what magical tests the Japanese can perform that they're keeping secret from their New Jersey compatriots. Meanwhile, my DVD recorder has not functioned properly for the last eight months. And counting.

I Said You Know Why I'm Here, Don'cha?

2008-08-12T21:52:00.003-05:00

Burt Reynolds in WHITE LIGHTNING kicks more ass than anyone has ever kicked.

Triple Triple

2008-08-10T22:30:00.005-05:00

It has been more than a year since I attended a triple-header at the multiplex, but I wanted to be sure to catch a few of these on the big screen while I still could. Good timing too, because the X-FILES sequel is down to just two showings per night, just two weeks into its theatrical release. After seeing trailers for garbage like MADAGASCAR 2, THE SPIRIT and BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA, which might be the worst film ever shit out, I understand why I don't go to the multiplex more often.
I liked 1999's THE MUMMY, missed THE MUMMY RETURNS, and wish I had missed the second MUMMY sequel, THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR. It's a poorly directed, lazily scripted period adventure that is so badly cast, I spent most of the running time figuring how a 30-year-old man could have a 45-year-old wife and a 20-year-old son. I realize Brendan Fraser and Maria Bello (a good actress replacing Rachel Weisz who is hamstrung by both her newly dark locks and her wobbly British accent) are only a year apart, but they don't look or act it, and Luke Ford as their son looks and acts like Fraser's brother. The plot finds the O'Connells in China, where they fight an evil 2000-year-old Chinese despot (Jet Li) who has to get to Shangri-La and bathe in a pool of immortality in order to break the curse placed upon him by a witch (Michelle Yeoh) and summon his undead army to rule the world. Watching the mummy/zombies do battle at the climax reminded me of how much fun--and how much better the visual effects were--it was when ARMY OF DARKNESS did it fifteen years ago. Director Rob Cohen shoots too many closeups, and his shaky-cam action sequences are rendered incomprehensible, so much so that it might as well have been Seth Rogen performing martial arts as Jet Li. Li is rendered using CGI for most of the film, leaving only Yeoh coming through this bloated film with any elegance and dignity.
Speaking of Rogen, the lumpen KNOCKED UP star co-wrote and plays the co-lead in PINEAPPLE EXPRESS, an expertly produced throwback to the raucous action/comedies of the 1980s, such as MIDNIGHT RUN and BEVERLY HILLS COP. The old formula still works, as pot-loving process server Dale Denton (Rogen) and his space-case dealer Saul Silver (James Franco, reunited with his old "freak" buddy from FREAKS AND GEEKS) find themselves on the run from murderous drug dealers after Dale witnesses one of them (the great Gary Cole) and a corrupt policewoman (Rosie Perez...where has she been?) killing a business rival. Equally successful as a wild buddy comedy and as a crackerjack action flick, PINEAPPLE EXPRESS is the first venture into mainstream filmmaking by David Gordon Green, whose independent dramas UNDERTOW and GEORGE WASHINGTON made big stirs with critics. Seeing what Green has done with a $25 million budget, the idea of monsters like THE MUMMY 3 spending $140 million to create utter crap is enough to induce nausea. Adding to the film's '80s vibe: a jaunty new closing song by Huey Lewis and the News!
Also made on a small budget ($30 million), THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE has been criticized for being little more than an expanded TV episode, but considering that the Fox show was responsible more than any other for bringing feature-level production values to weekly television, I don't think it's valid criticism. It is, however, true. Mulder (David Duchovny) and Scully (Gillian Anderson) are recruited by the FBI to investigate the case of a missing agent. A defrocked pedophile priest (Billy Connolly) claims to have psychic visions of the victim, which leads to the discovery of various body parts buried beneath snowy West Virginia. While Mulder tries to keep the faith in Connolly's wavering abilities, Scully questions her faith (again) in God while treating a young boy with a terminal illness. Although lacking in spectacle (it has only one real action sequence), THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE holds interest through its creepy atmosphere and the strong relationship between Mulder and Scully, who have graduated over the years from professional partners to personal ones. Both Duchovny and Anderson are extremely good together. Chris Carter, who created the TV series, makes his feature directing debut with a script he penned with Frank Spotnitz, another X-FILES veteran.

Cain’s Cruiser

2008-08-09T16:30:00.000-05:00

14 Cain's Cruiser
October 13, 1979
Music: Stu Phillips
Writer: Robert L. McCullough
Director: Christian I. Nyby II

With Sheriff Lobo out of the picture and on his own NBC series, BJ AND THE BEAR producers scrambled for a new archenemy to tangle with their truck-driving hero. Among the challengers for Lobo's crown was Sheriff John Sebastian Cain, a hardass by-the-book right-winger played by Ed Lauter, who battled Burt Reynolds as the nail-chomping prison guard in THE LONGEST YARD. While Cain was not corrupt per se, such as Lobo and Deputy Wiley, his obsession with following the letter of the law right down the line outweighed tenets like justice and basic morality.

His irrational hatred for B.J. McKay (Greg Evigan) is already evident as "Cain's Cruiser" opens. McKay's adventures during his first season have given him a reputation as a dastardly rogue with no respect for the law; sounds like Cain has been reading the Southern sheriffs newsletter. In his zeal to capture the trucker responsible for smuggling illegal aliens through his county, Cain has been blocking all highways and making life miserable for truckers whose jobs rely on getting to their destinations on time.

Enter entrepreneur Gorley (MCCLOUD's J.D. Cannon) and his chief engineer Samantha (Erin Gray), who has just developed a million-dollar automobile equipped with the most modern scientific crime-busting gadgetry (was executive producer Glen A. Larson already looking ahead to KNIGHT RIDER?). Cain takes it for a test run, and soon he's running the trucking industry out of business with citations for underinflated tires and overweight cargos, despite the fact that Gorley's car still has a few bugs in the system.

Erin Gray, one of the most popular TV leading ladies of the 1970s and '80s, was already appearing on NBC's hit BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25^TH CENTURY, which had just aired two nights before "Cain's Cruiser." Director Nyby, well aware of Gray's popularity with young men, goes to an extravagant length to put Gray into a bikini in this episode, for which he earns our eternal thanks.

Three Weeks And Counting

2008-08-09T10:02:00.002-05:00

Panasonic's home office has not been in possession of my defective DVD recorder for three weeks. I haven't received any contact with them since July 27. Maybe they're hoping I've forgotten.

Here's the text of an email I sent to my contact this morning:

Hello, Karen,

It has now been exactly three weeks since you've had my DVD recorder. I'm trying to be patient, but it's difficult to believe it would take your engineers 21 days to determine whether or not my machine works, when a half-hour of attempting to burn discs would do. I have asked the Better Business Bureau to keep my complaint open in the meantime.

Thank you,
Marty

Panhandle Pussycats Come To Orly

2008-08-08T16:46:00.000-05:00

03 Panhandle Pussycats Come to Orly
October 2, 1979
Music: William Broughton
Writer: Harvey Bullock
Director: Charles Rondeau

Not that THE MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO was ever a master of subtlety, but casting ex-L.A. Rams quarterback Roman Gabriel and THE LONGEST YARD co-star Ed Lauter in a story about a football game between rival sheriff's departments isn't exactly imaginative. Veteran sitcom writer Harvey Bullock, whose credits range from THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW to THE JETSONS, served as LOBO's executive script consultant and also penned this slapstick episode that pits Sheriff Lobo's (Claude Akins) deputies against those of neighboring county sheriff John Sebastian Cain (Lauter).

Of course, Lobo has no interest in letting the "best man" win. After stocking his roster with the biggest, meanest roughhousers in Orly County, he announces that the world-famous Texas Cowgirls cheerleading squad will perform at halftime, ensuring the gate receipts intended for the local children's hospital will go through the roof. He also lays down a huge bet, so that he can snare big winnings, while looking look a hero for organizing a charity event.

Meanwhile, con artist Slick Willie (Harold Gould, who had starred as a conman on the shortlived THE FEATHER AND FATHER GANG), whose pursuit by both sheriffs had caused the football challenge, plans to rob the Orly Stadium box office, while every cop in two counties is on the playing field. Why he doesn't leap at the opportunity to rob someplace else far away from every cop in two counties, we'll never know.

Bullock's plot-heavy script is handled cleanly enough by journeyman director Charles Rondeau, who keeps the pace from flagging and doesn't hesitate to have Deputy Perkins (Mills Watson) fall down every three minutes for a cheap laugh (it's a good thing Watson is okay at the Lou Costello shtick). Faded silver screen star Gloria DeHaven guests as a stripper with a heart of gold. A couple of weeks later, Lauter would again play Captain Cain on BJ AND THE BEAR, which needed a new arch-enemy for its trucker hero (Greg Evigan) after Akins' defection to his own series.

Ernie Anderson...Back From The Dead?

2008-08-07T17:26:00.003-05:00

Thanks to Rich for pointing this out to me. One of ABC's promos for its upcoming cop show, LIFE ON MARS, about a 2008 cop who is transported backward in time to 1973, is produced in the ABC style for that period. Including the old ABC logo, the use of Earle Hagen's MOD SQUAD theme, and a kickass voiceover that sounds incredibly like the network's late announcer, Ernie Anderson.

It doesn't look like ABC allows embedding of its clips, but head over to the official LIFE ON MARS site, and click on the video marked "The Mean Streets of NYC."

Kotter Vs. Pappy

2008-08-06T23:21:00.002-05:00

One of the greatest moments in television history is a pissed-off Robert Conrad (BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP) getting his ass reamed by actor Gabriel Kaplan (WELCOME BACK, KOTTER) in a 100-yard dash in the very first BATTLE OF THE NETWORK STARS in 1976. I have heard that his fellow performers and competitors thought Conrad was a real jackass, and this clip does nothing to dispel that notion. The thing that I guess you have to admire about Conrad is that he's completely nonplussed about being humiliated.

Between The Law And The Mafia

2008-08-05T17:15:00.000-05:00

I've just about finished Lancer's Soldato! series, albeit way out of order. I started with #4, then went to #5, the concluding book in the series, then jumped all the way back to #1, the origin story, so to speak, and now I have finished #2, which took me about a day. 1972's DEATH GRIP! adds to Johnny Morini's origin story, aiming the concept in the direction it would take all the way to the end.

The opener, SOLDATO!, found Johnny Morini battling back against his former Mafia cohorts, who tracked him down in Witness Protection two years after he testified against his ex-don in court. Now with a pregnant wife and a quiet life running a general store in a sleepy Arizona town, Morini was forced to return to New York to ferret out violent justice. In Lancer Books' DEATH GRIP! (gotta love them exclamation marks), author Al Conroy introduces a new lifelong mission for Morini, after first discarding the wife and child via divorce and miscarriage. Wealthy Carmine Pannunzio, who despises the Mafia, recruits former government agent Riley to enlist Morini as a one-man hit squad against the Mob, sending the tough guy to Pennsylvania to work a little YOJIMBO between rival gangs.

The big centerpiece will seem very familiar to SOLDATO! readers, as Conroy once again sends Morini out into the mountains to be stalked by two deadly assassins with superior weaponry. While DEATH GRIP! provides plenty of action, Morini is often a passive member, since his plan is to make both gangs he has infiltrated bump each other off, while he makes off with a fortune in stolen gems. He does get to show off his action chops throughout, however, including one sweaty hand-to-hand matchup with a knife-wielding mobster who recognizes Morini from the old days.

Skip Caray Will Be Missed

2008-08-03T22:50:00.003-05:00

One of my all-time favorite baseball announcers, Skip Caray, passed away today at age 68. The son of Baseball Hall of Fame announcer Harry Caray and the son of current Atlanta Braves play-by-play man Chip Caray, Skip began working Braves games in 1976. When our house first received cable in 1983, I became a fan of watching Braves telecasts on Superstation WTBS, the Ted Turner-owned network that carried all Braves home and away games. Despite the presence of perennial All-Star Dale Murphy, the Braves were an awful team during most of the '80s (do names like Bruce Benedict, Rafael Ramirez, Rick Camp and Brad Komminsk ring a bell?), but they were always fun to watch because of the experts in the announcing booth: Ernie Johnson, Pete Van Wieren and, of course, Skip, who was likely the funniest sports announcer in television outside of Gary McCord. His style was the opposite of his father's. He didn't often say a lot in the TV booth, understanding the way few announcers do that television is a visual medium, and his job was just to fill in the blanks.

Caray had been suffering from ill health for quite awhile now, including kidney and heart ailments, and had only been broadcasting Braves home games. He died peacefully in bed. He will be missed.

Paradise Damned

2008-08-03T17:19:00.000-05:00

The Cabot Cain books are not really related to the men's adventure paperbacks of the 1970s, such as the Executioner, Penetrator, Black Samurai, Butcher series and so on. They're actually more akin to the espionage novels of Donald Hamilton or Edward S. Aarons. Six Cabot Cain adventures were published by Avon between 1969 and 1975, all with titles beginning with "ASSAULT ON…"

The first Cain book is ASSAULT ON KOLCHAK, and, no, it doesn't involve a nosy reporter stumbling onto zombies, ghosts and vampires. Cain is a 6'7" agent of sorts, though he appears to be working independently and not as part of a government agency. KOLCHAK sends him to Brazil to track down a Communist who, decades earlier, had routed the estate of a noble family, raped the wife, and made off with precious jewels. The family now wants revenge against Kolchak, the father of the family's daughter (neither she nor Kolchak knows this), and, through Scotland Yard cop Fenrek, asks Cain to enact it for them. Kolchak is suspected to be hiding in Fuerte Quemado, a city hidden deep in the jungle near the Brazil/Bolivia border that is inhabited solely by Nazi war criminals, Communist dictators and other tawdry sorts who needed a safe place to hide with their ill-gotten riches.

It's a very exciting book, and I'm glad to meet up again with Cabot Cain, whose adventures I had read many years ago. He's a fun character to follow—very erudite and cultured, but more down-to-earth than, say, 007. The book's sex and violence fit the storyline without coming off as gratuitous.

I'll write more about author Alan Caillou at a later date, but I will say that he was quite a Renaissance man, whose exciting life ranged from working as a British spy during World War II to writing exploitation movies like the amazing bikers-in-Vietnam flick THE LOSERS to acting as a silly character called The Head in the shamefully shortlived Seventies sitcom QUARK.

Can Anyone Stop The Death Of Ocean View Park?

2008-07-31T21:46:00.002-05:00

What do you get when ABC attempts to rip off JAWS, ROLLERCOASTER and THE EXORCIST...in the same movie?

THE DEATH OF OCEAN VIEW PARK, starring Mike Connors as Roy Scheider and Martin Landau as Murray Hamilton, was one of a handful of TV-movies produced by Playboy magazine. Just like in JAWS, it's the Fourth of July at Ocean View Amusement Park, and something really hinky is going on. Connors (MANNIX) is the guy who says, "We have to close the park," and Landau (SPACE: 1999) is the dumbass who claims, "There's no shark...uh...I mean, no ghosts in Ocean View Park!" Director E.W. Swackhamer filmed at a real amusement park in Norfolk, Virginia, and the actual wooden rollercoaster there was blown up on camera and used in the film.

Like dozens of made-for-TV movies of the 1970s, THE DEATH OF OCEAN VIEW PARK would be probably fun to see again and is almost impossible to see. I'm still unsure why Hollywood has been slow to release these pictures on DVD, because there is an audience for them.

Snow White And The Seven Lady Truckers

2008-07-30T23:14:00.000-05:00

12 13 Snow White and the Seven Lady Truckers
September 29 & October 6, 1979
Music: Stu Phillips
Teleplay: Michael Sloan
Story: Glen A. Larson & Michael Sloan
Director: Christian I. Nyby II

BJ AND THE BEAR returned for its second season on NBC, still stuck in a very tough Saturday timeslot opposite ABC's monster hit, THE LOVE BOAT. Although BJ survived Captain Stubing's bouncy wake, its CBS counterpart, BIG SHAMUS LITTLE SHAMUS, a detective series starring Brian Dennehy, was cancelled very quickly.

With BJ's usual tormentor, Sheriff Lobo (Claude Akins), the star of his own NBC spinoff, executive producers Glen A. Larson and Michael Sloan filled the bill with a new Lobo clone, a bumbling comic antagonist played by veteran character actor Slim Pickens named Sgt. Beauregard Wiley, a devious, corrupt deputy in the employ of clueless Sheriff Masters (Richard Deacon). Wiley gains a partner in BJ's two-part season premiere, that of officer Wilhemina "The Fox" Johnson (Conchata Ferrell), who is sent by the governor to investigate Masters' department, but ends up cutting herself in for half his profits.

Wiley is also on the payroll of Hi Baller, a trucking company run by Hammer (Charles Napier) and Riker (Bill McKinney), two mean cusses who bully the competition and charge the county's highest rates. Their latest ire is aimed at the Piston Packin' Mamas, a trucking organization spearheaded by BJ (Greg Evigan) and populated by six foxy drivers, including Tommy (Janet Louise Johnson, who appeared in different roles during Season One), Leather (Carlene Watkins, later on BEST OF THE WEST), Chattanooga (Sonia Manzano), Sal (Julie Gregg), Angel (Daryle Ann Lindley) and Honey (curvy Angela Aames, another holdover from BJ's first year). Everybody hangs out at Bullets' (Joshua Shelley) truck stop, which includes a swanky Jacuzzi room.

Basically, BJ and the girls receive trucking contracts, while Hammer and Riker, with Wiley's aid, sabotage their runs and spoil their loads. Some chases, stunts and crashes mix with a couple of fights and explosions, as well as Aames bouncing around in a bikini and nuzzling Napier's face. Hey, what more could you want from a Glen A. Larson series? Season Two also marks the beginning of Stu Phillips' tenure as BJ AND THE BEAR's composer. He and Larson had worked together on earlier shows, particularly BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, and he would go on to write music for others, including KNIGHT RIDER.

What's Happening With Panasonic? (Updated)

2008-07-28T22:40:00.003-05:00

Just an update. Panasonic received my DVD recorder via UPS a week ago Friday, the 18th. The last I heard, which was last Friday, from Karen, the engineers were looking at it. So, no news. The Better Business Bureau sent me a letter recently asking if I wanted to cancel my complaint, since Panasonic had acknowledged it, but I said no, it was too early, they hadn't really done anything yet to solve my problem. I don't know what's taking so long.

UPDATE: Karen called me yesterday in response to my email asking for an update. Apparently, the engineers are still poking around it, testing it, even testing the input jacks and with various cable connections. The DVD-Rs that I sent to them that were unsuccessful burns have been shipped to Japan to be examined there. She could not say, however, whether the engineers had yet determined that the DVD recorder was, in fact, malfunctioning.

Can A Dead Man Strike From The Grave?

2008-07-28T17:53:00.002-05:00

Shatner fans should check out this episode of THE SIXTH SENSE, even though it isn't very good. Produced by Universal in late 1971 and first aired by ABC February 26, 1972 (my brother's third birthday), "Can a Dead Man Strike from the Grave?" casts the former Captain Kirk (wearing longer, wavier hair) as Edwin Danbury, a wealthy architect living with his beautiful younger wife Elizabeth (Anne Archer, who was stunning then) in the family mansion where his grandfather lived decades earlier. Elizabeth becomes worried by the temperamental Edwin's increasingly frequent bouts of unexplained behavior, where he speaks using a strange voice, plays classical music on the grand piano (even though he doesn't know how), or just stares at something happening in the room that she can't see.

She contacts Dr. Michael Rhodes (series star Gary Collins), a university professor specializing in parapsychology. While poking around the Danbury house, where Edwin does not make him feel welcome, Rhodes meets Elizabeth's sister Helene (Bettye Ackerman) and niece Stephanie (Pam Peters), as well as Edwin's busybody assistant Phyllis (Allison McKay), who attempts to stir up trouble by insinuating to her boss that Elizabeth and Rhodes are having an affair. Stephanie tells Rhodes, who has begun to suspect Edwin's late grandfather of being involved in the spooky happenings, that no one is allowed in the family attic, where the Danbury history is suspected to be stored. Who's haunting whom and why, are the questions nagging at Rhodes, who apparently has no classes to teach and plenty of free time to hang around the Danbury estate.

Surprisingly, considering the script is by a good television writer, Gene L. Coon (a former STAR TREK producer), and directed by action specialist Alf Kjellin, "Can a Dead Man..?" is lifeless and dull. It looks as though it were shot on leftover THRILLER sets (I swear some of those props I've seen a dozen times in other shows) and a back corner of the Universal lot. All the roles are basically thankless ones. Collins, a genial but bland leading man, provides Rhodes with nothing indicating a history or personality. Besides his professional interest in the paranormal, he seems to have no likes, dislikes or traits of any kind. No Fox Mulder, he.

As for Shatner, less than three years after STAR TREK completed production, he gets to rant and rave, like he does so well, and act generally weird through most of the running time. And make out with Anne Archer, which I'm sure he didn't mind. It's one of the few Shatner TV performances of that era I hadn't seen, so it was nice to finally catch up with it, even though the show is pretty lame.

For some reason, as boring as it is, THE SIXTH SENSE has almost always been in syndication. That's because Universal, looking to boost the sales of its ROD SERLING'S NIGHT GALLERY, another NBC series about spooky stuff, mixed THE SIXTH SENSE into its episode bunch, even going so far as to hire Serling to provide introductions to SIXTH SENSE segments as if they had always been part of NIGHT GALLERY.

Those who have seen NIGHT GALLERY in reruns know well how poorly Universal treated it, chopping up the one-hour episodes and mixing up the individual stories to make 30-minute episodes, meaning some stories of the anthology series were seen apart from the stories they originally aired with, and some never aired at all. In the case of THE SIXTH SENSE, well, you can imagine what would happen if you took an hour episode of your favorite show and cut 25 minutes out of it to fit it into a half-hour timeslot. THE SIXTH SENSE has probably gotten something of a bum rap over the years, because the half-hour versions are literally incomprehensible, but the original hour shows are nothing special either. Strangely, the Chiller cable station is currently running NIGHT GALLERY in a one-hour slot, but with the SIXTH SENSE episodes still as part of it in its original form (and when I say "original form," I don't really mean that, as Chiller has cut all their shows of several minutes to add more commercials).

THE SIXTH SENSE managed to run for two half-seasons, beginning in January 1972 and leaving the air about a year later with 25 episodes altogether. Collins remained an incredibly popular TV actor throughout the 1970s who eventually reinvented himself in the '80s hosting daytime talk shows and the Miss America pageant.

One Month To Murder

2008-07-27T22:37:00.000-05:00

I'm getting impatient with Lancer's Enforcer series, which is getting less interesting as I go along. After debuting with a lively jungle adventure, the fourth book of the series (and of 1973) is something of a bore. Not a lot of "enforcing" is going on around here, and author Andrew Sugar (whomever he may be) appears to be losing track of his characters. After suffering a huge emotional loss in this novel, KILL DEADLINE, hero Alex Jason bounces right back a few pages later as though nothing had happened. It just doesn't sit right, considering what Sugar has told us about Jason's relationship with this person.

Jason is asked to find a serial killer codenamed Darkhurst who is knocking off wealthy individuals, always on the 10^th of the month, every month, one at a time. When Darkhurst's latest victim is a member of the John Anryn Institute, the private thinktank that employs Jason and other clones like him, Jason, his boss Flack, and Rosegold, the doctor who invented the exclusive cloning process that allows him to transfer minds from one clone body to another every ninety days (which is how long it takes before the bodies begin to melt into gooey protoplasm), shelter a survivor, Richards, and plop Jason into a clone of Richards to serve as bait.

The Enforcer novels are becoming increasingly setbound, and KILL DEADLINE rarely bothers to even leave the Institute. Virtually every scene takes place indoors, and most of them are quite talky, though mystery fans may find interest in Jason's attempt to discover Darkhurst's identity (it didn't ring true to me). Adding to my dissatisfaction is the fact that Sugar turns out about 220 pages, which is probably at least forty too many. Two more remain in the Enforcer series, and I'll get to them, but not excitedly.

I should have written a review of THE DOOR, #3 in the Mind Masters series, but I couldn't finish it. It seems to be about a psychic racecar driver investigating something involving Stonehenge, but at nearly the halfway point, nothing much was happening, and I dropped THE DOOR. Author John Rossmann also writes in the present tense, which I found disorienting.

Dean Martin And The Moonshiners

2008-07-25T19:31:00.000-05:00

02 Dean Martin and the Moonshiners
September 25, 1979
Teleplay: Glen A. Larson & Frank Lupo
Story: Thomas Szollosi & Richard Christian Matheson and Glen A. Larson & Frank Lupo
Director: James Sheldon

Twenty years after sadist Claude Akins forced down-and-out drunken deputy Dean Martin to dig a coin for a desperately needed nip out of a spittoon, the two performers reteamed for the second episode of THE MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO. The title neatly spoofs Dean's former co-stars on his long-running variety show, the Golddiggers. As was his custom, it looks like Martin refused to rehearse or even memorize his lines, as his performance playing himself lacks verve, though I'm sure his guest-starring role—much more than a cameo—gave the fledgling series a ratings boost.

For the first time, Sheriff Lobo (Akins) faces re-election against a candidate even more corrupt than he: a local attorney (Ben Cooper) who runs a local moonshining operation that employs two redneck brothers (Dennis Fimple, Bruce Fischer). If Lobo can bust the moonshiners, he'll be able to run for office unopposed, which everyone knows is the only way he can win honestly. Leaving Deputy Birdie Hawkins (Brian Kerwin) and comely new deputy Margaret Ellen (Janet Lyn Curtis) in charge of staking out the moonshine ring, Lobo schemes to trap Dean Martin into performing at his campaign rally by setting a speedtrap for his limousine and convincing him the show is to benefit a local orphanage.

Lowbrow humor, to be sure, but also amusing and fun, as veteran director Sheldon (whose career went way back to MR. PEEPERS) throws in a couple of nice car chases and close-ups for sexy female behinds—something for everyone. Co-writer Lupo, who started with co-writer/executive producer Glen A. Larson on SWORD OF JUSTICE, BATTLESTAR GALACTICA and BJ AND THE BEAR, soon switched his allegiance to fellow uber-creator Stephen J. Cannell, who hired him to produce THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO. Young writers Szollosi and Matheson (the son of acclaimed fantasy novelist and screenwriter Richard Matheson) also joined the Cannell stable, story editing THE A-TEAM.

In Her Satin Tights

2008-07-24T00:49:00.003-05:00

Can you believe it, Lynda Carter is 57 years old today? I keep hearing rumors of Hollywood trying to put together a new Wonder Woman movie, but I can't imagine any actress being cast that could compete with Lynda Carter. Say what you want about the 1970s WONDER WOMAN TV series, but she was just about the most perfectly cast superhero in TV history. Obviously, she was beautiful, athletic and stacked, which are probably the three main attributes any Wonder Woman actress must have, but she also struck the perfect note of earnestness and sweetness. The show may have been camp, but Lynda Carter never was.
Those interested in the tall, voluptuous ingenue may appreciate her first feature film, BOBBIE JO AND THE OUTLAW, which was filmed before, but released after, THE NEW ORIGINAL WONDER WOMAN (sic) debuted on ABC. Chances are if you’ve sought out this American International drive-in flick, it’s because you heard that Lynda goes topless in it. Well, she does, and it makes watching this violent BONNIE & CLYDE ripoff worthwhile.

Carter, who filmed this just after making the WONDER WOMAN pilot, plays Bobbie Jo, a small-town waitress looking for thrills who hooks up with Lyle Wheeler (Marjoe Gortner, seen above with Carter), a fast-draw artist and small-time thief who graduates to bank robbery and murder with Bobbie Jo as part of his small gang of amateurs.

This was actually junk actor Gortner’s first leading role in a feature as well, after some television parts and an earlier career as an evangelist. He was only slightly more experienced before a camera than Carter, who demonstrates the breezy personality and stunning physicality that earned her television stardom. It’s good for her that she nailed that elusive Big Break—the lead on a successful TV series—that eluded so many other young women who slogged through breast- and bullet-oriented exploitation movies of the 1970s. Director Mark Lester, whose oeuvre also includes CLASS OF 1984 (which I like) and TRUCK STOP WOMEN (which I don't), makes the film slightly entertaining with some good stunts, but is really only worth watching for Lynda.

The Day That Shark Ate Lobo

2008-07-22T22:17:00.000-05:00

01 The Day That Shark Ate Lobo
September 18, 1979
Music: William Broughton
Teleplay: Glen A. Larson
Story: Chris Bunch & Allan Cole & Glen A. Larson
Director: Dick Harwood

After four appearances on BJ AND THE BEAR, including its two-hour pilot and its first-season ender, NBC decided the character of Sheriff Elroy P. Lobo was ready for his own television series. Lobo, as portrayed by veteran Hollywood character actor Claude Akins (whose major film career included RIO BRAVO, THE CAINE MUTINY and INHERIT THE WIND, as well as dozens of television shows), was a real bastard in the BJ AND THE BEAR pilot and a deeply corrupt lawman in his other appearances. However, he was considerably lightened up in THE MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO, which was a full-fledged comedy, more so even than BJ AND THE BEAR. The tone of the series, which, like BJ AND THE BEAR, was created by its executive producer, Glen A. Larson, is evident from its opening title sequence, which is a lot of fun and features a hilarious theme song spoof penned by Larson and sung by Frankie Laine (RAWHIDE):

"The Day That Shark Ate Lobo" is not really a pilot, since the characters and scenario had already been introduced on BJ AND THE BEAR, but does a good job establishing what the series will be like. The Universal Studios mechanical shark attraction gets a workout in an episode filmed almost entirely on the backlot (at least it appears that way). Bank robber Dandy Jim Bundy (Christopher George) breaks out of Carbondale State Prison (I wonder if this is an in-joke about the federal penitentiary in Marion, Illinois, which is close to Carbondale, the home of Southern Illinois University) and heads to Orly County, along with his female associate (Caren Kaye) to retrieve the $2 million he stashed there before his arrest.

Meanwhile, Lobo learns about a 500-pound fish discovered in an Orly lagoon and concocts a scheme to charge fisherman $200 a head for the opportunity to catch it. Of course, the best laid plans and all that jazz, as Lobo's idiot deputy Perkins (Mills Watson) accidentally kills the fish, which leads Lobo to blackmail a vacationing special effects technician to lend him his mechanical shark (just go with it…) to fool the fisherman with. Meanwhile (again), Dandy Jim is busy inserting a real great white into the lagoon in order to scare away the fisherman, so he can retrieve his loot from the bottom of the lagoon (no kidding).

Less than four years later, the rugged, athletic George would be dead of a heart attack at 54, and this episode was among his last TV appearances. He really isn't given a lot to do, certainly not of a physical nature, which was a specialty of the former RAT PATROL star. His leading lady, Caren Kaye, had just been on NBC's flop sitcom WHO'S WATCHING THE KIDS? with Scott Baio and Jim Belushi (!) and would soon go on to her most fondly remembered role as the comely French teacher with a yen for teen boys in the one-time HBO perennial MY TUTOR.

Larson's teleplay, based on a story he wrote with duo Chris Bunch and Allan Cole (veterans of other Universal series like BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25^TH CENTURY and MAGNUM, P.I.), is silly and complex, though I think its ridiculous turns are part of the gag. Akins, almost always cast during his forty-year career as a brute or a heavy, clearly is having fun playing broad slapstick, and Watson complements him well as his bumbling sidekick.

One misstep is the episode's clumsy insert of a cameo by Greg Evigan as BJ McKay, whom Lobo calls to deliver the mechanical shark in his semi. This episode makes BJ and Lobo look like friends, or at the very least friendly adversaries, which wasn't the case on BJ AND THE BEAR when Lobo kept tossing BJ in jail or even attempting to kill him. Larson probably did this to help prepare the audience for the new, comic Sheriff Lobo; heck, if our hero BJ likes him, he must be okay after all.

That's The Second Biggest TV DVD Box Set I've Seen This Month

2008-07-21T23:02:00.002-05:00

Been enjoying Time-Life's GET SMART: THE COMPLETE COLLECTION DVD set over the last week or so. I started out with the extras, which receive their own disc in each season. Kudos to Time-Life for going all out in documenting this great sitcom's history in the form of newly created featurettes, interviews and commentaries, as well as vintage filmed bits and videos.

Of the new productions, one of the most interesting is Mel Brooks' commentary on the pilot episode that he wrote with the series' co-creator Buck Henry (Henry also receives a commentary track). While it isn't anything earth-shattering, it's one of the few times I've ever heard Brooks discuss his connection with GET SMART, so it's historically important. Among the show's cast and crew who receive extended interviews (up to a half-hour or more): star Barbara Feldon, guest actor Bernie Kopell, director Bruce Bilson (who won an Emmy for an episode), executive producer Leonard Stern and Buck Henry.

The set is also jammed with old NBC promos, star Don Adams' appearances on THE BILL DANA SHOW (very funny) and THE ANDY WILLIAMS SHOW, some post-GET SMART commercials in which Adams sends up his Maxwell Smart character, blooper reels and more. I was very surprised to see the candid inclusion of Adams' 75th birthday roast held at the Playboy Mansion (in which "Yarmy's Army" buddies like James Caan, Don Rickles and Gary Owens josh the bald star) and a videotape of Adams' memorial service, presided over by the star's former son-in-law, actor Jim Beaver (SUPERNATURAL), and featuring more storytelling by Rickles, Caan and many others, including actor Gordon Clapp, the NYPD BLUE Emmy nominee who starred with Adams in the '80s sitcom CHECK IT OUT, which aired in the U.S. on the USA cable channel.