Old Musings

Puzzlements and information sources

2009-07-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

I've spoken here previously about watching our loved ones walk their own paths, and how one thing I've learned this year is that we cannot love someone out of their life lessons.

Today's Daily Om talks of walking one's own path and honoring their right to do so.

And I'd been pondering -- again -- how to balance the acceptance of that right and our support for the person, partially prompted by the story of a young relative who has made some choices that are going to impact her in ways she hasn't even begun to think about.

It is not easy to do.

As a parent, I want to love my children unconditionally, to always be there for them. But the implementation of "being there for them" is where I am hanging up: what does that mean? How can I lovingly watch them walk their own path when I am fearful of where it is leading and without putting myself in the 'rescue' mode again? Does unconditional mean being willing to rescue over and over and over again with money and resources? But how do you watch someone you love struggle with the consequences of their own choices, not offering financial aid or getting caught up in yet another drama, without seeming cold and callous?

We live a largely drama-free life, and yes, we know we are lucky. So when exterior drama comes into our world, it impacts us through lost sleep, anxiety, worry, and always those scary ice weasels -- not so much for ourselves as for those we love. We know we are powerless over people, places and things. But how do you 'be there' for someone when they are in crisis without getting sucked into it yourself? How do you balance being in someone's life when they are in a place where you are so uncomfortable being with wanting them to know that you love and care for them? (yeah, so that sentence construction could use some work....)

Is a puzzlement.

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Most newspapers are struggling to stay afloat, most are cutting costs and staff anywhere they can, including my own two daily papers, and that also means that my opportunities to write for them have been drastically reduced.

I found this post interesting. It was mentioned in a daily news feed I get about the industry -- all aspects. I know at least one little newspaper in Fayette, Mo., is considering an online subscription model; I'm really amazed that there are still so many out there that are free.

I understand that advertising dollars are tight with the state of our economy, and I know there are a lot of other places to put them that may be more effective. I know that newspaper subscriptions are dropping -- folks think they can get more news on the Internet or through TV, or that they can get anything they want to find online, and they don't need a newspaper.

Newspapers staffs are struggling to manage with fewer reporters, with doing more and more of the pagination and processing themselves, and with meeting the dollar figures demanded by parent companies. There aren't a lot of independent papers left, alas.

We all suffer, however. TV news gives us only kernels of information, not the whole ear. The news magazines, while they can go in-depth about some issues, often show a bias -- and I'll admit that newspapers do sometimes as well, even by the things they choose to cover. The Internet is full of 'news,' but sorting through it to learn what the issues really are, what the whole story is, can be daunting, especially if you aren't a die-hard news junkie and don't want to dig. There are reputable sources, but there are a lot of opinions labeled as news too.

I love the feel of the physical paper in my hands, I like the smell of the ink. I'm sure it's rooted in my childhood -- I do not remember ever not having a daily newspaper in the house. But I like browsing through the paper and reading bits of things that I would never think to search for online, or finding unusual stories in my own community, or reading an account of state or national news that then piques my interest enough that I'll go searching for more information.

It gets me out of my head, for one thing.

It helps me be an informed citizen, to make better voting choices, to know where my tax dollars go, to decide which issues to support and which to fight, to know what my friends and neighbors are involved with.

I hope you subscribe to a paper. It's a very small amount of money to pay for information that comes to your home every day, and that helps your community.

And moving ahead, with gratitude

2009-07-14T16:43:00.000-07:00

Definitely a new beginnings-second chances sort of week....

One of last week's blessings was reasonably, unseasonably cool weather -- by that I mean highs in the lower 90s, as opposed to this week's 100+ temps. I did a lot of work inthe garden, hacking and pulling the stupid grasses out, although they spring back overnight almost. Got in three new tomato plants, a Japanese eggplant, another bell pepper, and put some mint and cilantro in pots to go with my back porch herb garden -- I have basil, thyme, sage, parsley, oregano already.

We loved sleeping with windows open and cool breezes. That's gone for now, but the swamp cooler -- good until it hits around 106, usually -- adds moisture to the air and cools very well. Right now outside temp is 104, but humidity is only 9 percent....

Tony built a great cat food protective box for the porch -- the deer were helping themselves all day long to the cat food, and I'd juryrigged a maze of string, scrap posts and plastic fencing to help keep them out, which really made the place look classy.....NOT. Can't say that the big box exactly adds to the outdoor decor, but it serves the purpose and allows the cats to eat, but not the deer. Let's face it: we live in the country. Our lawn is red dirt and rocks. There may eventually be some landscaping, but it won't be green lawn: we get too little water for that and it's too hot.

And I've gotten out of my ennui and am getting off my ample posterior and moving it. Yes, I'm actually getting up an hour earlier and we're walking on weekday mornings, around two miles. It's helped with the achey-breakys quite a bit, actually, and I feel very righteous. It's right out of bed and into the tennies -- I fix breakfast when we get back. But it's cool (as it's likely to get) at that hour, and quiet, and I usually wake up by the time we get back. Tony, the morning person, is tolerant of my unresponsiveness during the walk. It will help.

The universe has, once again, taken care of us when we've asked for 'this, or something better,' and we are very grateful for the fortune and blessing. Actually, we are grateful every day for each other, for our home and our kitties, for our friends, for so many things. Lunaea Weatherstone wrote such a wonderful post about that subject yesterday -- and I'm adopting her slogan as my new mantra: "All this, every day."

The bedroom remains to be dealt with; I'm slowly shredding accumulated office papers that then go into the garden as mulch, and have been cleaning off my incredibly messy desk. But I'm moving ahead, not standing still anymore -- literally or figuratively. It's a better place to be in.

Note to self: Get on with it already!

2009-07-06T09:26:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've been in a sort of limbo since the play ended and my freelance jobs have dropped to so few. I've been tired, to be sure -- probably a psychic kind of tired more than a real physical tired. And I've slept. Last night was the best -- the weather has cooled from highs last week in the 100s to projected highs only in the low 90s, and things cooled overnight to the low 60s.

It's not for lack of things to do. The garden always needs weeding -- and we shall see if the tomatoes come back after the stupid water system guy turned off the water to the garden while he was doing his maintenance and then did not turn it back on -- which I discovered only yesterday morning, two days later. The bushes were loaded with green tomatoes. By afternoon, everything else had perked up. I am SO not happy.

There's still a ton of clothes and linens and such in my spare room that are waiting on me to put them away and sort through them. Drawers still need cleaning in every room. There's the matter of choosing what color rock to put out in front, and which drought-and-deer-resistant plants to plant in the areas so neatly defined by the retaining walls we had put in a year ago. And then, of course, doing it.

Mostly it's finding a new direction. Will it be an eBay store? Should I pursue new freelance opportunity in hopes of finding something a little more lucrative (not that it would take much to be more!) Should I concentrate on fixing up what I've needed to do around here, and not worry about making money just now? Should I really and truly start investigating and planning a book project?

Definitely on my list is doing something physical. I feel like a giant slug. I can tell muscle tone is poor, my balance (never great) is shaky, I feel loggy. We eat very healthily, despite our propensity for sweets which we control pretty well with low- or no-sugar things, and I only use salt when it's necessary for something to cook or bake properly. I grow veggies -- well, when I'm not foiled by deer or careless maintenance people. It's in the physical exercise that I am very lax, partly because I do not like exercise, partly because there are a million and one things I'd rather do. But I also know that lack of exercise will eventually contribute to a much earlier death than I hope to have, and that is a motivator.

So. New month, full moon, new beginning. We celebrate a friend's birthday tonight with ritual and lovely fresh food and gifties. It's time to leave the out-of-sorts feelings and get on with life.

Perfect

2009-06-21T13:40:00.000-07:00

Our weather is simply perfect today: high projected at only about 83, humidity only around 25 percent, sunshine. Breezes, not wind.

Unusual for June. Last evening on our way to our final Steel Magnolias performance we ran into a deluge: water poured over the car and the Interstate. We ran out of it fortunately, but this June has been wetter than many, and also cooler. Next week we head upwards into the 100s -- far more typical summer pattern.

The garden likes it, though, and I cut a bunch of lettuces yesterday, including the arugula that is my current favorite. Soon as the temps head up, it'll all bolt, so we're enjoying fresh greens. The RB Farmers Market yesterday has cukes, zucchini, mounds of green beans, and melons -- I have blossoms but no fruit yet, although the tomatoes have clusters of little green orbs that will ripen nicely in the heat. If it gets too hot, however, the blossoms won't set...so I'm hoping for reasonable temps.

We're being very lazy today, this Father's Day. I'm thinking a nap might be good, maybe some steak on the barbecue later, a big salad, then watching our favorite Sunday night shows and even catching up on some of those we've DVR-ed and saved.

It's back to life as usual tomorrow. No rehearsals, no performances, no lines. It will seem odd, I know. And I've got a couple of deadlines, plus many areas that need sorting and cleaning out since I've put stuff off over this last three months.

But I will enjoy today -- the summer solstice, with the longest day of the year and the shortest night. I remember being in Sweden for the solstice many years ago, seeing Maypoles everywhere, sprigs of green adorning cars and boats and homes and even people, to celebrate the return of the sun.

Hope yours is good, wherever you are, whatever you are doing.

He's back....

2009-06-12T12:07:00.000-07:00

in blogland.

Tony, that is, my dearly beloved, is writing a multi-part story on his blog Cat-E-Whompus about his attitude adjustment over the last several months, and what has contributed to it.

Believe me when I say that it has definitely been a sea-change. You'll want to scroll down to part 1. He posted part 2 last night.

Whose life is more valuable?

2009-06-11T09:15:00.000-07:00

I seldom wax political on these pages, although if you browse a bit through past posts you'll find a few. There are others who relish the flapping of the red cape at the bull far more than I.

But the recent murder of George Tiller as he was ushering during a church service got to me. He was cold-bloodedly murdered because he performed late-term abortions in his Kansas clinic. Despite other attempts to shut the clinic down and intimidate both the doctor and his staff, Tiller kept it open to help the desperate women from around the world who seek the procedure.

Reasons for late-term abortions are usually because of some horrible genetic problem in the fetus, and they are rare. More than 90 percent of the abortions performed in the US are first trimester. The decision to have an abortion after that is not easy, nor is it simple to find a facility.

There are many well-known columnists who have opined about the killing, including Ellen Goodman, Deborah King on the Huffington Post, even Time Magazine. As always in abortion-related violence and acts of terrorism against providers and even clients, the pro-life folks are claiming shock at the act, saying that there are other ways to bring providers to justice. But one must wonder if there isn't also some jumping up and down with glee.

I'm not expressing anything new here. Simply put, I am completely baffled by how such an act of violence and murder can be justified by anyone, most especially by groups who claim that ending a pregnancy for any reason, including to save the life of the mother, is wrong. Period.

I do not understand how to justify putting an unborn fetus first in the life of a family -- a mother, certainly, a father, perhaps other children, an extended family -- over the health of either the mother or the fetus, over economic hardship caused to all as a result of a gravely impaired fetus, over certain extensive medical expenses, and over the grief and pain and suffering of all, including what would be a drastically handicapped infant.

Do the other lives then count for nothing? Once born, are we then disposable? Are our lives useful only to the extent that we become incubators for fetuses, no matter how handicapped or how grave a prognosis there might be for it if carried to term? What of the existing lives of the mother, the other children? Are they inconsequential when measured against the life of one yet unborn?

If life is sacred, how does one equivocate the existence of a fetus with the life of a person? Which is the more valuable? And who makes that call?

Pro-choice does not mean proabortion. I have actively been prochoice for years, marching in picket lines, testifying before a state legislature, even lobbying on Capital Hill. Long ago in Missouri, I represented the prochoice viewpoints of various Christian denominations to legislators, voters, and the public. Does that mean I favor abortion? No. Nor did anyone with whom I worked or met during that time.

Tiller provided a compassionate, legal service to desperate women and their families, one which he knew was risky at the least. That he would be gunned down during his own time of worship is -- indeed, MUST be -- intolerable to anyone who believes in love, who believes in a compassionate, caring God, and who values all life.

Crocs on sale again

2009-06-06T16:57:00.000-07:00

If you missed it the first time around, the Mary Jane Crocs are on sale again, with 50 percent off if you buy two pair. Use the code MALINDI09 to get free shipping.

I bought two pair, one in silver, the other in cotton candy, and already had one in black. I love them -- you can get them wet, they're cool, they're comfy like slippers.

The sale is good for both women's and girls shoes.

I got this alert from Brad's Deals, a daily shopping e-mail. Most of the time there's nothing I'm looking for, but you just hit delete if that's the case. On the other hand, you can save a bunch if you find a deal.

I'm just sayin'...

Time flies, whether you're having fun or not

2009-06-02T08:33:00.000-07:00

As if it wasn't enough to perform "Steel Magnolias" five times a week, I watched the movie yesterday. I have always loved that movie. Even though I knew what was coming, I sobbed anyway.

But since we're well into production, I wanted to see how the six women stars played their characters. It'd been a long time since I watched it. And it holds up well.

One of the things that touched me greatly, though, was in the features section of the DVD, seeing playwright Robert Harling speak about why he wrote the play in the first place. I knew it was a form of grief therapy for him when his beloved sister Susan died, much the same way that Shelby does. But he elaborates some, and I could feel the anguish of the brother at losing her at such a young age. He wanted his nephew to know a little more about his mother, to understand what she did in choosing to have him.

That, and seeing all those actresses 20 years younger, made me think of my own age, my own stage in life now, and all the things I missed out on as a younger person -- all the wasted time, the ill-thought choices.

Not that there weren't some great times and some good choices, mind you. And I wouldn't go back and do it again, not really.

But for some reason seeing the movie made me aware -- again -- of how brief our life here really is, and how unaware we are of that when we are young(er).

In our 20s and 30s, and yes, even the 40s, the awareness of our own mortality is usually non-existent, barring life-threatening illness, accident, or the early deaths of those we love. I, at least, plowed through any number of days without appreciating what I had, even squandering them by not taking care of myself physically (or mentally), just sort of meandering through years without a lot of focus on who I am and what I wanted.

I was a "good" girl, pretty much doing what others expected me to do and be, with a few stubborn streaks thrown in and a couple of fairly bad habits, including smoking and drinking to excess. It wasn't until I was into my 30s that I began to cut those out of my life and to think about what I really wanted and to discover who I really was. And it took another 13-14 or so years to be able to decide what I wanted to do about it.

And while I don't spend time mulling over my past mistakes, I am aware now of how unaware I was -- how unaware my friends and acquaintances were -- of how precious time is. How you can not get back one single day, no matter how much money or love or wishing.

The conundrum, of course, is that you have to get older to really understand this. And then it's too late.

Not that life is over, mind you! No, as Shelby tells Clairee in the play, "There are still good times to be had!" And I do believe that. Life is what you choose to make of it, every day, one day at a time.

But my prime time is over. The 40-something generation is in the power years now -- this is their time now, their time to make the world different, to change their lives, to realize their potential. And the 30s are right on their heels.

I remember those years so clearly that it feels very odd to realize they are over and that part of my life is finished. It still startles me sometimes to catch a glimpse of myself in a window or a mirror and see the mantel of age draped over my hair and my skin and my posture. It's not unattractive, just not always in sync with how I think of myself.

But what really resonates is time: how quickly it goes, what I do with it. There is not a day that I don't say gratitude prayers -- many times a day -- for my husband, our home and friends, for my life as it is and the opportunities that I have and that present themselves so frequently. I didn't do that when I was younger, at least not often. I didn't cherish each day. I wasn't aware that I didn't have all the time I needed to effect whatever change I wanted to make.

I wasn't aware.

I don't know how to help my children understand that, if indeed it is even possible to make them understand it. Perhaps it takes age and perspective.

I can only hope that they will live long enough to see and to understand. I'm grateful that I have and do now.

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. ~Carl Sandburg

Time is the most undefinable yet paradoxical of things; the past is gone, the future is not come, and the present becomes the past even while we attempt to define it, and, like the flash of lightning, at once exists and expires. ~Charles Caleb Colton

Time is what we want most, but... what we use worst. ~William Penn

Time is an equal opportunity employer. Each human being has exactly the same number of hours and minutes every day. Rich people can't buy more hours. Scientists can't invent new minutes. And you can't save time to spend it on another day. Even so, time is amazingly fair and forgiving. No matter how much time you've wasted in the past, you still have an entire tomorrow. ~Denis Waitely

All will be well, and all will be well....

2009-05-27T08:52:00.000-07:00

The Steel Magnolias opening was spectacular. We had a great audience, helped, no doubt, by the wonderful food that Riverfront volunteers had prepared for them, and free champagne. They laughed at everything. They cried. One person said she'd been coming to openings for 30 years, and ours was the BEST (of course she could say that to every cast and we wouldn't know).

Nonetheless, we were pleased. Tonight starts the round of buy-out performances. We'll be doing the play five times a week -- three for the public, two for groups who have paid for private performances. Until June 20. I expect we'll all be sick of the characters by that time. I can't imagine doing a play for years on end.

But I do like Miss Clairee. I rather think there is more of her in me than I'd once thought.

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My brother and sister-in-law celebrate their third anniversary today. I wrote about it here, although not nearly as indepth as it might have been, but I was still reeling from both my mother's and my uncle's deaths and hadn't written much of anything since the previous October.

But it was a lovely day, a blessing in the midst of all that pain. And they've gone through some hard times since, with health issues and concerns over work that are the result of the recession -- just like so many people.

It's not the good times that make us strong, it's the tough ones and how we handle stress, pressure, uncertainty, fear. The good times may give us the knowledge that this, too, shall pass, however, and that there are still good things to come. But it's in the fire that we are shaped and tempered and glazed.

Today's Daily Om has a wonderful meditation on marriage. Among other bits of wisdom and observation are these:

"If your relationship is not secure, marriage will not make it so. Likewise, if your partner is not as attentive, loving, or kind as you would like, your becoming spouses will not change that. Marriage has no power to permanently fill any emotional or spiritual gaps in your life. Before you choose to marry, ask yourself whether you and your partner are adept at resolving conflict, can speak openly to one another, and fully respect one another."

In this day and age, it is common to live together before marriage -- indeed, my mother surprised the heck outta me in her later years when she proclaimed that she thought living together was a good idea! Even a committed relationship is not marriage -- although people stay in them for years and years. It changes things somehow, in addition to the legal matters -- or at least it did for us. It brought the sacred into our commitment, I think, and expanded our relationship.

(Maybe I haven't had enough coffee to wax eloquently this morning! I seem to be struggling for adequate words....)

At any rate, I wish them a happy anniversary and hope that "All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well. " -- Julian of Norwich

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Summer is here, no matter the calendar. Triple digits forecast for today; swamp cooler is in full blast mode; north wind is keeping the humidity well below 20 percent. The garden grows measurably each day (as do the grasses in it, blast and damn). Memorial Day always marks summer's grand entrance, and the groceries were full of hot dogs and hamburgers and watermelon. Next is Independence Day. Time goes so quickly.

Playing catch-up

2009-05-18T09:51:00.000-07:00

Damage to the garden was not disastrous as I'd first thought. Most of the plants are coming back, and the deer nicely thinned the seedlings. I should have lettuce by the end of the week, although with the hot weather we're having now it may bolt before I ever get it to the table.

So we planted tomatoes, zucchini, peppers, and are experimenting with cantaloupe, watermelon and pumpkins. I've replaced soaker hoses and hung prayer flags which flutter nicely in the breezes. We'll hope for a generous bounty.

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Mother's Day came and went without a post from me, although I'd started a draft. I'd put a photo of mother, my brother and me on my Facebook page that was taken just three weeks before she died in 2005. It is hard to believe she's been gone for going on four years now, and that this winter, my dad will have been dead for 10 years.

But I see them in my own reflection: in my fine, greying hair, in my hands that show a delicate network of aging skin and a few arthritic lumps, in my smile. I hear them in my head -- how mother always said she liked listening to the silence rather than music or television (as do I these days), how they preferred ice water to sodas or lemonade, for instance.

I think of them at my age: mother retired at 60 from teaching because daddy had retired at 65, and they spent the next 10 or so years traveling and playing. More than that, too, but those were probably the prime years, although even those saw some health issues for both of them.

That's not quite in the cards for us yet. Tony is in full hammer-down mode as he goes in early and stays late working on a new product release. I've finished up a few stories, but so much of what I was doing has dried up, at least for now, for various reasons -- the main publication I was working on has ended, and I'm just not sure what I want to do next. This last week or so the play has begun to take most of my energy, although that will ease some with opening on Saturday night.

But I'm trying to stay open to opportunity and possibility. I need to make some money doing something, whether it's selling on eBay or pursuing more writing. Doesn't have to be a lot of money -- although I certainly have no objection to money, mind you!

I've asked the universe yet again to provide and to help me be open. We shall see where this next step takes us.
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Summer is upon us, early this year. We've already had triple digit temps, much to my disgust. I just didn't get enough rain this year, and the early heat had me scrambling in my closet for something that wasn't long-sleeved and cozy. I'm still organizing everything, but at least the linen and cotton things are readily available now.

The last few nights have been wonderful, though, with cool breezes making for sound sleeping conditions. I do love our location, but the early heat is a little frightening: it will be with us well into October in all likelihood. We're all fearful of another summer of fires and unhealthy air because it is so dry.

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We celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary yesterday by going out to breakfast, since I had rehearsal last night and he worked late again. We'll go to the ocean for a little R&R later this summer.

But we always remember that day in the Bay Area -- which was unseasonably warm for San Francisco, but gorgeous. We laughed, we cried through parts of the ceremony (which we wrote) and at which my Uncle Tom officiated, aboard a yacht on the Bay. We ate. We played and talked and enjoyed the boat ride all around our favorite landmarks, and there were Oracle and Kensington colleagues as well as family with us to mark the day.

We both feel incredibly blessed to have found each other, and to continue to be so much in love at this age. It's not that we don't have trials and some hard stuff to deal with -- but it's never with each other -- it's issues with the girls or with work or health or property or something like that. How rare that is to have such a relationship! I am so grateful.

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In the midst of all the busy-ness it is sometimes hard to remember that THIS is our life, each day. Time doesn't stop because we are too busy to notice what is happening every day, every moment. When the product is released and the play is over, our lives will change again -- not really back to what they were a few months ago, but to where they are going every day with every moment and every experience.

It is essential to find even a few moments to appreciate what we have THIS DAY, to ask for what we need, to reflect on and remember how precious time really is. One thing that becomes increasingly evident as we age is that everything can change in a moment, with a heartbeat. it is up to us to choose how we spend our time, who we touch, what we do and say, how we express our gratitude. We have that choice every day.

Steel Magnolias is in preview tonight and we open Saturday. The play is about the fragility of life, I believe, and the relationships with others that can help us deal with the uncertainty and the choices we all have. I'm grateful to be in it once again, for the third time, to be forging a bond with the five other actresses who are in the cast. I hope our audiences take home with them the blessing of friendship and the appreciation for each day we are given.

Garden gone

2009-05-10T00:15:00.001-07:00

The bad news: either the wind of the last few days blew open the garden gate (which has a sometimes tenuous latch) or I didn't close it properly -- or a combination of the two. The deer enjoyed a lovely salad luncheon, including the almost-ready-to-be-harvested leaf lettuce and swiss chard, radish sprouts, cucumber plants, a sweet pepper plant, delicately tendriled sugar snap pea plants, and even the new mesclun and onion sprouts.

Most of the yet-unpotted flowers -- although they're not fond of marigolds nor lantana, I discovered. And a good helping of rhubarb leaves, although they left the stalks, mostly.

I hope they got sick. Not fatally, just uncomfortably. They've been spending their days under the carport, in little beds they scrape out from the gravel there. Watching the garden grow, probably, and waiting for their chance.

So Monday I will be back out there, replanting lettuce and chard and cukes and peppers. Planting the rhubarb and hoping that it will survive. Salvaging the flowers. And making sure the damned gate latches tightly.

I also have new prayer flags to top the fence. Let's hope the rising prayers will protect the new plants from the deer, but also from moles, bugs, and other things that like new veggies.

Hunting for bargains

2009-04-30T10:22:00.000-07:00

What a week. Articles and deadlines and research and rehearsals and more rehearsals.

And I've also done a little online shopping this week, and thought I might point out a few of my favorite bargain places and alerts. With stores closing, I think I, along with many others, may need to look online in order to get our size or styles.

One blog that is fun and interesting if you like shoes is Barking Dog Shoes. I recently ordered a pair -- the Keen Madrid Mary Jane -- that I first read about on this blog -- I'll let you know if I like them when I get them. But it's a good way to see and learn about new styles.

An invaluable resource to find online not only what you're looking for, but also to see some of the deals those sites may have is The Find. You just type in your search term and it pops a window with all sorts of options, including one to find it locally if possible. I like that you can narrow the price with a sliding bar, or that you can see results by store too. I've used this to find everything from prayer flags to Crocs.

If you really like bargains and want to know when good deals come up, check out Deal News. You can specify exact search terms and get e-mails when good deals are found for, say, cookware, or cameras, or sheets, or shoes (my current fav). This site alerted me to a wonderful percentage off last weekend at Shoe Mall and I finally ordered the Keen Madrid MJ from them for significantly less than I could find them elsewhere, including Amazon.

I also get a newsletter from the same folks with daily deals called stylenotes. You can sign up for different newsletters here.

That's where I got my REAL bargain of the week: Mary Jane Crocs for $12.48 each with a promotion directly from Crocs. It was a buy two, get 50% off for various styles, and I learned about it it through stylenotes.

And then....

I did a Google search on "Crocs.com discount coupon" -- or you can use similar terms -- and found a code for FREE SHIPPING. So I have two pairs of these comfy sandals coming for a grand total of $24.98. Pretty good, hm? (That deal is only available for a limited time.)

By the way, any time you're ordering something online you should search for discount coupons. Many times you can find free shipping codes, sometimes with a percentage off as well. I don't have a favorite site for these: there are many, and they don't always have the same codes.

Both Endless and 6pm have regular deals and those alerts come through in Deal News alerts. I always check them first when I'm looking for a shoe, though. 6 pm is the outlet for Zappos, probably the premier online shoe store, and Endless is Amazon's store for shoes and handbags, although I always check Amazon too.

And one more "deal" newsletter or site is Fat Wallet. I get alerts from this site on specific products, but there are more deals to be had from it just by browsing through the site.

And then there are books! A while back I joined Goodreads, a site where you can review books you've read and learn about new ones your friends or others have enjoyed. They have a section where you can sign up to get new books free -- review copies or other giveaways, and I was notified this week that one is on its way to me! How cool is THAT!

I always prefer to shop locally when I can, especially the locally-owned stores downtown and elsewhere. We've had some lovely new additions this last year, and I hope they stick around for a long time.

Be careful what you sow

2009-04-24T11:59:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while a story circulates on e-mail that bears forwarding or repeating. This is one of them that struck a chord with me this morning, especially since an encounter a couple of days ago with a particularly unpleasant, angry, abrasive, hypcritical person who was determined to firmly establish his vastly superior intelligence and training both to me and to a colleague.

I did not and will not respond in kind, because I know that when you wrestle with pigs, you get dirty and smelly and the pigs love it. And it is a no-win situation.

But this e-mail reminded me of my core beliefs: what you put into life is what you get out of it. (Incidentally, this blog gets many referrals because of people searching on that phrase: it is a recurring theme in these many posts.)

May you find what you seek today!

The Seed

A successful businessman was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business. Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.

He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you. I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."

One man, named Jim, like the others received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Every day, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however. He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - he so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot.

But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach: it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right.

He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful -- in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.

Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!"

When the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot, he ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed, so Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive Officer! His name is Jim!"

Jim couldn't believe it -- he couldn't even grow his seed.

"How could he be the new CEO?" the others said.

Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds;
they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow.

All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!"

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust

* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends

* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness

* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment

* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective

* If you plant hard work, you will reap success

* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation

* If you plant faith in God, you will reap a harvest

So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later. Whatever you give to life, life gives you back.

Never, ever give up

2009-04-16T09:20:00.000-07:00

Here's a video of a 47-year-old British woman who absolutely wowed the audience on "Britain's Got Talent."

What this says to me is "never give up." As we're fond of saying about our girls, "God's not done with them yet." Same could be said of us.

In one of the blogs I read regularly, Getting Past Your Past, the author has often told her readers "Don't give up the day before the miracle happens."

Some days it is hard to get out of bed, isn't it, much less to continue to shovel sh*t against the tide (one of my ex's favorite sayings). It's hard, sometimes, to just get 'er done, to clean what needs cleaning, to do what needs doing, to keep washing the dishes and the clothes and dusting and picking up and cooking. The routine stuff that keeps things in order, running as they should.

I don't know about you, but I've had months like that, I think, where it's one day, one step at a time, without much break in that grind.

We take a lot for granted -- those of us who have our own homes, with clean water and abundant power and enough to eat, and a warm place to sleep out of the cold and rain, or the heat and bugs. So I try to give thanks for those things, every day, because it is astounding to realize that there are many, many people, even in our own town, who do not have these things on a regular basis.

I consciously try to find the joy in every day, to find gratitude in even the most humble tasks. To live right now, in this moment, instead of waiting for the day when the stars will align and the big break will come and I'll win the lottery and my book will become a best seller. (Nevermind that I haven't written it yet...)

That's the point. That's the lesson in Susan Boyle's performance, I think.

She did not give up before her miracle happened. She took a huge risk to get on this show, to realize her dream. Life will never be the same for her, regardless of where her performance takes her.

So I can start again now to do what needs doing, but also to make time for dreams and work on making them happen. It won't happen at all if I don't keep it always in my sight and do something to move it forward every day, even a little bit. God is not done with me yet.

Catching up

2009-04-11T16:44:00.000-07:00

Did you know that more than 50,000 landline phone customers lost service on Thursday in parts of the SF Bay Area? AND cell phones. AND Internet. More here....

Sounds like we need Jack Bauer, Tony says. The news article says it was not terrorism and wasn't disgruntled union members, but it sure sounds like the perps knew what they were doing. A little disconcerting, I'd say.

************

We finally got two burn piles taken care of today -- one big one that's had brush and branches and old wood heaped on it for at least three years, and a smaller one with garden debris. Beautiful sunny day after some nice rain the last couple of days. The garden isn't planted yet, but I've tilled deep and dug up all sizes of rocks. I swear this soil grows 'em. I rake out and pick out hundreds both spring and fall every year, but the tiller just pulls up more.

I'll plant early this next week -- lettuce, spinach, chard, maybe even peas, although I'm a little late for that -- but I'm not putting in tomatoes yet. Everything I read tells me that 'maters like warm soil, and that ones put in May 15 will soon catch up to those put in two or more weeks earlier. I'm also going to refresh my pots -- I think one of rosemary has seen better days, the lavender is not looking good, and I need some new herbs too. It'll be trips to Walmart and Home Depot for me this week.

I'll have some extra time on my hands too, since one of my regular freelance gigs is coming to an end with tomorrow's paper. That was a story every week, at least, plus photos, sometimes more. I will miss doing all those interviews, though -- I met some interesting people and learned about so many new things.

But I'm thinking about doing some selling on eBay -- stuff we have, but also looking at doing some bargain hunting and reselling, or maybe some consignments. Maybe not quite as steady an income, at least at first, but I know people make money doing it. And I do like shopping for bargains!

***************

I'm also driving to Redding five days a week for rehearsals! I'm going to play Clairee in "Steel Magnolias," at the Riverfront Playhouse. It opens May 23 and closes June 20, with performances Fridays, Saturdays and Sunday matinees.

This is the third time I've been in the play -- once as M'Lynn, the mother; once as Ouiser, the rather crotchety millionaire; and this time as Clairee, the 'grand dame' of the town and somewhat more elegant. I like her, although I'm still working on how to play her, and trying to recall all the Southern women I knew in Birmingham, especially some of the ones who were in my book club there -- they were "old money," many of them, and lived in the ritzy area of town, and we often met at country clubs. It was fun, they were very interesting women, and it certainly was a social sphere I wasn't in.

But the play celebrates women's friendships, and I love it. I like the movie too, but the play is better. I'm excited about being in it, and also excited that my daughter R is playing Truvy, the hairdresser! She's a little young for the part, but the director liked her, and I'm very pleased to be in another play with her. We did a few things together when I lived in Birmingham. She hasn't been in a play for maybe 10 years -- her job in Alabama was not conducive to other activities -- and while I did The Vagina Monologues just a few months ago, it's been a while since I was either.

****************

It's Easter weekend, so I always think about lots of church services and Easter dinners -- good memories. One year my friend Julie hosted dinner, and I brought stuff too, but for dessert she had made a bunny cake using a mold, with the whole bunny, not just the face. It was frosted and sprinkled with coconut, on a bed of green coconut grass with other little candy eggs and maybe even some flowers, but at the rear end, she had placed little black jelly beans. We laughed until we cried, and even now, some 20 years later, we always talk about it.

Blessings of rebirth, renewal, and spring to all of you. It is always a miracle to witness.

Sheer joy

2009-04-06T10:12:00.000-07:00

For a quick pick-me-up, see this video on Youtube. I've seen a couple of others staged in other public places, but this one made me puddle a little just for the sheer joy of it. Probably just my mood this morning.

More later.

Blessings

2009-03-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning found us sitting inside the church at the Abbey of New Clairvaux to attend the Abbatial Blessing for Father Paul Mark Schwan as the new abbot of the Abbey.

I met Father Paul Mark last fall when I wrote a story about their Sacred Stones project, and truly enjoyed our conversation. I believe it was from that interview that we were invited to attend this remarkable ceremony.

I'm not Catholic, although I've had friends who are, and in high school I spent some lovely times with several nuns (and a couple of friends) in Springfield, Mo. It was right around the time of Vatican II, and the sisters were going from traditional habits to much more informal ones, and changing their names to boot -- i.e, Sister Mary Noel became Sister Mary Carol. They belonged to the Sisters of Loretto. I don't know if the order is still associated with the Catholic schools there or not.

But the "highest" service I've ever attended was the Easter Vigil Mass. The liturgical purpose was different, but it had all the lovely ceremony and very formal liturgy. We sang most of the service, led by an intrepid quartet of monks, much of it in Latin. There was a magnificent processional with representatives from not only Cistercian orders, but -- I believe -- others in the area and perhaps from farther away. The service was led by Father Jaime Soto, the bishop of the Diocese of Sacramento.

It was all incense, candles, music, prayers, liturgy, and an incredible wave of holy energy surrounding Father Paul Mark and all of us in attendance. He has shouldered a magnificent burden -- to be the "Christ" among the community -- and it was an honor and privilege to be present.

The Abbey itself is such a peaceful place, surrounded by walnut and plum orchards and dotted with vineyards whose harvest makes their signature wines. We had cloudy skies and splatterings of rain throughout the day, but the rain feeds the trees and plants. It was good for our souls to experience and participate.

Later that afternoon I went to a drumming demonstration at Heartfelt in downtown Red Bluff. Although my purpose was to take photos and get interview for an upcoming story, I was drawn to the drums too, I'll confess, and was invited to participate.

Drumming is very old and is rooted in every culture, although I believe the djembe is the favored drum for drumming circles. It is elemental: reflecting the heartbeat, the breath, and is at once a communal and deeply personal experience. I found it therapeutic, energizing, and I want more! Although very different from the morning's experience, this one was no less spiritual.

Blessings come to us in many ways, if we open ourselves and our eyes to acknowledge and accept them. I felt very fortunate to be part of both experiences this weekend.

Nature and nurture

2009-03-16T09:21:00.000-07:00

In a comment to me the other day, I heard an implication that two of our daughters' situations may be our fault in some way because of the way they were raised, despite any genetic influences one way or the other.

And maybe I'm particularly sensitive right now as far as they're concerned because of the particular brand of parental angst their choices have caused us, and the mess they've both made of their lives because of their choices.

But I really take umbrage at the suggestion that their lives are messed up because of something we did.

My beloved and I did not raise them together. But both were reared in middle-class homes with strong middle-class values, went to church and camp and Sunday school, were Girl Scouts, played soccer, had proper health care and went to good schools, and had parents who tried to make sure they were able to take advantage of enrichment programs like drama, music, art, and the like. Their parents attended their games and events pretty faithfully. Both fathers worked hard to make a living; both mothers stayed home with them at least until they were school age if not longer. They both grew up with parents who had strong work ethics, who encouraged them to find what they were good at doing and make it happen.

Were there mistakes? Of course. Did their parents have it all together? No. I don't know any parents that do/did. But both girls were raised with love and attention; both were raised pretty much as only children.

There were some bad things that happened to them both at young ages, things that were not our fault or by our doing, and in my case, one biggie that I didn't even know about until last summer.

They're not the first children to whom some icky stuff has happened. They won't be the last.

And that may help explain some of their individual issues now, for sure.

There are also genetic factors at play here, we believe -- inheritable traits and illnesses that compound the issues. None of us have any say over what we inherit through our genes, alas. What we do have a choice about is how we choose to react to an illness, an inherited predisposition. What are we going to do with the hand we've been dealt?

But the bottom line is that they mostly are where they are because of their own choices: who they hang out with, what they choose to pursue in education or the world of work, how they make choices, what their work ethics are, what they decide to put into their bodies.

You do all you can, where you are, with what you've got.

There is so much compounded crap in their lives right now that I don't know if they can dig their ways out from underneath the piles. I hope so. I believe it is possible, and there are many stories about people who have overcome significant odds -- socio-economic, physical, mental -- and have become happy, successful adults.

But what they accomplished was because they wanted to do it for themselves. That's the only way it happens: when you want something badly enough to work through the obstacles to get it.

We have never stopped believing that it is possible. But we also know that we cannot love them out of their problems nor into the kind of life we hope for them. It can't be bought or bargained for. There is no easy fix, not that their lives are ours to fix anyway. They get to choose how they want to live their lives.

It is our choice how we accept their decisions.

Check 'em out -- little bytes of interest

2009-03-13T08:52:00.000-07:00

Bits from the news today:

Awhile back I wrote about print newspapers and their struggle to stay in business. A new poll shows that while my generation and the ones before me value print newspapers, those born after 1977 generally do not. Most say they get all the news they need from their televisions. Scary. Sad.

If you travel via plane, be careful what's in your luggage. Like organic chocolate, rosemary, or natural soaps -- all of which can test positive for illegal drugs with a quickie test. Yeah, you'd be cleared if you were innocent, but it could cost you lots of money and major hassle.

The fat police apparently are trying to regulate what we are allowed to put in our mouths. But when they start messing with chocolate, I think they've gone a bit too far.

A local opportunity to learn about the media industry -- podcasts, video games, and the like -- is coming up soon, and it's free. I just read about it here, and then found lots more info and registration for Playing with Ideas here. Especially if you know a young adult who is fascinated by the possibilities -- or if you need a creative kick-in-the-pants, this is an unbeatable deal right in our own back yard.

And finally, a bit of cheer. This video was filmed in London's Liverpool Street station as part of a commercial for T-Mobile. Big hit for the ad agency! And a lot of fun to watch.

Struggling for balance

2009-03-08T16:59:00.000-07:00

and I don't mean the stay-upright kind (although that too is hard for me!)

Mostly I've covered all my current worries in another post, a little over a month ago.

Same old, same old. Different day.

Predictably, one is going back to live with her abusive BF -- in another few months, she says, to "make sure" the changes she thinks she sees are real. (He's in counseling and going to AA meetings, she says) We've covered everything there is for us to say in many previous conversations. And what she apparently doesn't realize is that our perception of the guy is more than 90% based on things she's told us over the last 31/2 years!

The other -- she's trying to learn how to live a completely different life, and to no one's surprise, is having a hard time with it. Problem is that you don't make friends worth having quickly: you have to work at it, and it takes time. The friends you make quickly are usually out to get whatever they can out of YOU. Couple that with new meds, probably too much alone time, and her sister moving out, and it doesn't make for happy days. She's not able to work right now -- both good and bad to that, and I'm also handling her finances, so she feels very dependent (which she is) and hates that too, understandably.

So I'm working to let it go, let it be, and return my focus to my own life.

On the plus side, we got outside this weekend and sprayed gallons of RoundUp around the house, up and down the driveway, around the garden, on some slopes -- got a little sunburned, and it felt good to be outside and doing something besides hunched over a computer keyboard! Need more of that, the being outside thing.

I know the Universe isn't done with the girls yet, nor with us. Things will change -- that is the one thing I know for sure. Pray that they can learn to change too, and to make better choices for themselves and their lives than some they've made in the past. Pray for me that I can accept the fact that they must learn their own lessons just as I have had to learn mine.

Springing!

2009-03-06T11:09:00.001-08:00

We "spring forward" this weekend to daylight savings time -- an hour later. Always throws off my body clock for about a week, but I confess I like having it stay lighter longer.

And reluctantly I'm admitting it is spring. Our harbinger tree -- the one that pops its leaves earlier than the others -- has been out for several days. Our neighbors' daffodils are dotting their driveway with their cheery yellow heads. We have hummers at the feeders -- although I've actually kept the feeders full all winter too. The deer are fat and happy.

And thanks to a month of rain, we have about 76% of what we need, according to the weatherman. I'd love to see more of it though, even into May and early June.

We're planning to tackle weed abatement this weekend. We bought a large sprayer and will RoundUp the heck out of the weeds that are EVERYWHERE all of a sudden. It's been too windy or rainy to do so earlier.

And I'm also beginning to think about what to plant in the garden this year. I'd like to get out spinach, lettuce, and sugar snap peas in the next few weeks, and then think about what else to plant.

And then there is landscaping to be done with the front area, buoyed up by a lovely new retaining wall now, but liberally sprinkled with rocks and weeds already. A trip to the garden center is in order to find plants that are drought-resistant and also deer-resistant.

Everything inside looks a mess to me too, and I'm wanting to clean cupboards, sort through stacks of papers, dust, clean, toss. Minimize. That's spring's clarion call to renew, reuse, recycle!

But I confess I enjoy having woodstove fires in the evenings when it cools way down, and watching movies in the snug warmth of our great room.

Spring's arrived, no matter the calendar. It's a good time to evaluate what to keep, what to toss -- both externally and internally.

The cheese is moving for print newspapers

2009-02-28T13:03:00.000-08:00

I've been a fan of Who Moved My Cheese for some years now -- a little fable about adapting to the changes in one's environment.

I've been a writer for years, both as a journalist and in various public relations and marketing communications positions. I'm currently a freelance writer, working primarily with the Record Searchlight and Enjoy! Magazine.

Journalism is changing. The I-want-it-now mentality, coupled with the *astounding pace of technology and information development, is taking its toll on our traditional news sources, and across the country newspapers, magazines, and publishers are downsizing, cutting, and trying to look at business models that will enable them to survive.

The cheese has moved.

Yesterday, the Rocky Mountain News published its own obituary, just 55 days shy of its 150th birthday. It's one of the Scripps-Howard newspapers, and sadly it joins a list of others that have gone down recently.

The San Francisco Chronicle is periously close to closing -- a Hearst Corp. publication.

And while I, along with millions of others, hate to see the demise of the print newspaper, I suppose it's time. Certainly it appears to be inevitable.

That doesn't mean the news will go away. People read news online, including my beloved, who browses not only online newspapers, but news blogs and magazines. I, on the other hand, love the feel and smell of a print paper in my hands, sitting down for a half hour and drinking coffee and browsing through the news.

It goes back to my childhood: I don't remember a time when there wasn't a daily paper in the house, folded to the crossword puzzle that my dad would pick up and put down all day until it was finished, sports section folded back, or maybe holes where my mother had clipped coupons or recipes. My grandmother's letters always included at least half a dozen clippings about different things -- news of someone she knew, a recipe, a home remedy.

I admit that as the papers have shrunk, the depth of news just isn't there. As reporters have been chopped, fewer local stories are getting covered, and those that are generally are local politics, and even that isn't as in-depth as it might be. There's little money to go around even in-house; freelancers can cover only so much, and generally that is not hard news, but the fluffier stuff. (Nonetheless, people like reading about their friends and neighbors...)

Here's a look at what the future of newspapers may be, and here's a take from four editors in SF. Bottom line: print papers are dead. Long live the news.

The cheese has moved, and I, along with reporters, editors, publishers, and other journalists, need to adapt.

We live in interesting times.

*Makes me wonder if Skynet is closer to being reality than we'd like to think!

Having a baaaaaad day?

2009-02-25T16:30:00.000-08:00

Today's Daily Om has a good message -- not that I'm necessarily having a bad day, mind you, but it does help to put a perspective on things.

Nobody gets through life without pain and suffering. Just flat nobody.

The level of pain and suffering differs. Sometimes there is physical pain, which can sap everything in you, take joy right out of you. Sometimes there is mental pain -- which does the same. We can get trapped in our own heads, in our business, and it's hard to see any way out. There's grief, fear, anger -- all cause pain, all cause suffering.

The only thing we can really control is how we react to it. Drugs and alcohol may take away physical or mental pain, at least temporarily.

In the end, it's what we do with what we have, where we are, that makes the difference.

Pain and suffering can't stand up too long to gratitude. Even if the pain is still there, gratitude lessens it. Sometimes even the smallest gratitude makes the difference -- a hot cup of tea, a heating pad, a phone call or e-mail from a friend.

Sometimes it's calling the pharmacy and learning that your insurance will only pay for a limited number of tablets for the month -- and it's the exact number that you need until your next doctor visit (when you'll get a prescription change anyway).

Find the blessing, even on bad days. There's at least one there.

You can say that again

2009-02-24T22:58:00.000-08:00

From one of the bulletin board sites I read regularly came this post:

"I cannot love a person out of their life lessons ... they cannot love me out of mine either!

We all learn what we learn along the way and maybe, just maybe,
that is exactly howthe Universe plans for us to learn, slowly, intensely, and individually."

Smacks a punch, hm?

From another one:
"You begin and end somewhere and I begin and end somewhere else. Healthy boundaries are the foundation to healthy relationships. Don’t take on what you don’t own. Let others be responsible for what they are responsible for."

And also this one:
" If nothing changes, nothing changes. If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. In order for things to change, you must change things."

The last two are from Getting Past Your Past, a blog I've read mostly daily for months. While I am not, thank god, in an abusive relationship nor have ever been, my daughters have been. I've shared some of these writings with them from time to time, although I also realize that you don't hear and see until you are ready to hear and see. But mostly I read because the lessons are good ones for any relationship.

I'm trying to learn to hold my tongue these days rather than instruct/inform/lecture/berate -- which, these posts remind me -- is pretty useless when you're dealing with anyone, sick or not. Sometimes silence is indeed golden -- something I forget too many times.

This is one of my life lessons: to learn to be speech-less sometimes, to remember that all the talk in the world will not effect change if the person doesn't want to/isn't ready to change.

All I can do is take care of MY business, to establish boundaries I need.

I'm grateful for the Internet and the lessons that are out there on so many wonderful sites, just waiting for us to find them, like books in a library. We teach each other by our stories, we encourage each other with subject-oriented bulletin boards. We are not alone in our experiences, or in our pain. That is important to remember.

Hard times seem to be everywhere

2009-02-23T19:25:00.000-08:00

I don't know quite what has changed in the universe, but things sure feel bleak right now for us and for everyone. I'm working to keep some perspective and to find blessings, and I do -- but boy, there doesn't seem to be a lot of light at the end of this tunnel right now.

Freelancing is always a bit of a feast-or-famine gamble: when you're busy, you don't have time to do a lot of marketing, and when you're not, it is a hurry-up-and-wait game. Freelance journalists are all having a hard time these days because so many of the markets -- like print newspapers -- are drying up, or groups aren't doing newsletters, or they're making do with volunteer efforts rather than using professional help. And often freelance rates aren't set by the individual, but are paid by the hiring organization. They, like salaries and benefits, are subject to cuts as well. Try 40 to 50 percent. Ouch.

Illness of any kind demands a new set of rules and requirements, and it takes time and persistence to go through the system to get what you need. Meanwhile, living expenses continue. Symptoms can be distressful, but doctor appointments don't always happen when symptoms flare. It's also a hurry-up-and-wait situation, and one only hopes the medical attention will happen quickly enough to prevent more severe consequences.

Today I've talked to friends whose businesses are non-existent, or cut back considerably, and they're all struggling with bills, how to afford medical costs, fuel, etc.

Do you take whatever you can find for a job and tough it out, even when stress and unhappiness clearly affect your mental and physical health? Or do you pay attention to what your body tells you and find ways to tighten already tight budgets?

What happens when your business is going downhill because of circumstances beyond your control -- hackers take down your online business site, for instance, causing you to lose money, or manufacturers place unreachable sales goals on their sales force because of their own desperation? You can do all you can to stop it, but it may not be enough. It may not work.

Many, many people do not have any wiggle room or rainy-day resources to help them, so requests for help from "the system" are increasing, yet those budgets are also decreasing. And it is a "hurry-up and wait" system: you can fill out applications to start the process, but what do you do in the meantime?

Times are not fun right now. It's one day at a time for all of us. Time to do all you can where you are with what you've got. And pray that you see a way to make things better. That's what I'm doing.