Nazarene Family Services

Saying No

2009-06-22T18:40:00.005-05:00

"A 'No' uttered form deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'Yes'merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." Mahatma Gandhi
I once heard it said that the word NO is a complete sentence. Although I agree that it can be,

many people have a hard time saying the word. I was facilitating a group last week when we starting talking about living a balanced life. Many of the women in the group agreed that their lives were sometimes out of control because they said yes to too many things. One woman stated that she feels guilty when she says no, and worries that she is hurting the feelings of the person she has to say no to.

So why is so hard to say no? In his book The Power of a Positive No, William Ury states, "Perhaps the single biggest mistake we make when we say No is to start from No. We derive our No from what we are against - the other's demand or behavior. A positive No calls on us to do the exact opposite and base our No on what we are for. Instead of starting from No, start from Yes. Root you No in a deeper Yes - a Yes to your core interests and to what truly matters."

Picture going on vacation with only a week to drive to your vacation spot, relax for a few days, and drive back home. You would pull out your map, make sure you know the quickest way to get there, and prepare yourself for the journey. You wouldn't want any unwelcome surprises (like a flat tire, a detour, stopping to see the world's biggest ball of twine, etc.) to keep you from enjoying your time away. And if you did have an unwelcome surprise, you might end up feeling frustrated and resentful that you didn't get to do all the fun things you had planned.

Unfortunately many of us spend a lot of time planning our vacations, but we don't spend time planning our lives. We get sidetracked from doing the best things because we say yes to doing good things that are on someone else's agenda. And then we end up feeling resentful because we are stressed out from doing too much...living an unbalanced life.

I often tell my clients that we not only have the right to say no, we often have the responsibility to say no! When we take the time to discover what truly matters we can say no in a healthy way because we are starting from yes!

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-06-21T03:23:00.000-05:00

"Never underestimate the power of your attitude. It is the advance man of our true selves. Its roots are inward, but its fruit is outward. It is our best friend, or our worst enemy. It is more honest and more consistent than our words. It has an outward look based on past experiences. It is never content until it is expressed. It is the librarian of our past; it's the speaker of our present, and it's the prophet of our future." John Maxwell

Learning to be Content

2009-06-20T15:39:00.006-05:00

I was reading through some of my favorite verses in Philippians today and read again Paul's statement "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13.

If we look at the life of Paul, we realize that God doesn't always protect his servants from the realities of living in this world. Paul found himself in some pretty miserable conditions; hungry, shipwrecked, abandoned, persecuted, in prison, etc. And yet, he said "I have learned the secret of being content." So what is the secret? And how can we learn it?

If you unpack the verses prior to to his statement you will see two parts to finding contentment. One is what we do, and the other is what God has promised.

Our part of the equation is found in Philippians 4:4-6 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God," and in Philippians 4:8-9a, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice."

God's promises are found in Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus," and Philippians 4:9b "And the God of peace will be with you."

Contentment doesn't come from a life with no trials or a life of having everything we want. It comes from practice, and it comes from surrendering our lives to God. Paul could face any trial with confidence because he had learned, "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Check out Philippians 4:6-7 in the Message, "Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

Biblical Hospitality

2009-06-18T21:10:00.006-05:00

If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you are doing.

W. Edwards Deming

"Andy Stanley has said, 'The church is a family expecting guests.' Is your family ready? Have you prepared for the arrival of guests and all that is to follow? Let's say I've invited you into my home for dinner. I would put great effort into getting ready for your visit. I would take the piled-up newspapers out to the recycling bin, pick up the toys in the hallway and even run a dust rag over the furniture. I would want ot make sure that my home gave off the best impression of me. For our meal, I would be sure to make a dish you would enjoy. I would want to satisfy your hunger with something healthy and delicious. When you arrive, I would show you around, make sure you feel welcome and respected as a guest in my home. By preparing for your coming, I would be able to treat you with the hospitality you deserve.

The Church - your church - truly is a family expecting guests. And you should be ready to show them intentional hospitality when they arrive. While they are in your company, they need to feel comfortable and valued, no matter where they are in their spiritual development. When they leave, be proactive in giving them a return invitation they'll be hard pressed to refuse. Your church is a bigger representation of the bigger family of God. God is honored when you show your guests true biblical hospitality."

Dawn Wells Potato Peeling Video

2009-06-17T08:49:00.001-05:00

Windows

2009-06-15T08:54:00.001-05:00

A young couple moved into a new neighborhood The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

'That laundry is not very clean,' she said. 'She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.'

Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, The young woman would make the same comments. About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: 'Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this.

'The husband said, 'I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.' And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.

Fun Friday

2009-06-12T08:35:00.001-05:00

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon...She emphatically told Frank(and several others) That everyone seeing it there WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING !

Frank, a man of few words,stared at her for a moment andjust turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house...
walked home...and left it there all night!!!
(You gotta love Frank!)

Transformation

2009-05-07T17:52:00.003-05:00

Jesus taught transformation, not transactions. Transactions are lateral exchanges between people - be it goods or services. Transactions occur every time two people engage in commerce of any kind. I give yu this in exchange for that. Transactions are obvious and literal, commonplace and easy to spot. In contrast, transformations are invisible, uplifing, transcendent experiences that involve a fundamental shift or change.

The underlying principle of this lesson is that your first and foremost task it ot build relationships, not "make deals". Out of the relationshis will flow the deal, and more.

Jesus sought and taught transformations, not transactions.

Teach Your Team to Fish. Laurie Beth Jones

Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men. Matthew 4:19

Dear God, help me to see what I do as more than an exchange of money for my services. Work through me to transform lives. In the counseling field it would be easy for me to isolate myself and end up on only the giving end of a relationship. I am realizing the need for transforming relationships in my life where I can be vulnerable and real.

The Start of Swine Flu?

2009-04-30T21:02:00.000-05:00

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-04-26T20:02:00.000-05:00

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-04-19T20:07:00.000-05:00

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-04-12T20:52:00.000-05:00

"Christ the Lord is risen to-day," Sons of men and angels say. Raise your joys and triumphs high; Sing, ye heavens, and earth reply. ~ Charles Wesley

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-04-05T22:21:00.002-05:00

But everyone who lined the streets had a different reason for waving those palms. Some were political activists; they'd heard Jesus had supernatural power, and they wanted him to use it to free Israel from Roman rule. Others had loved ones who were sick or dying. They waved branches, hoping for physical healing. Some were onlookers merely looking for something to do, while others were genuine followers who wished Jesus would establish himself as an earthly king. Jesus was the only one in the parade who knew why he was going to Jerusalem - to die. He had a mission, while everyone else had an agenda.

Bill Hybels - Willow Creek Community Church

Fun Friday

2009-03-27T19:57:00.000-05:00

Faith and Parenting

2009-03-19T12:50:00.002-05:00

Lifeway Research recently put out the following article on fath and parenting. Interesting that many Christian parents don't look to the church or the Bible for advice on parenting.

NASHVILLE, Tenn., 2/25/09 – Most American parents feel their parenting skills and family life are pretty good, but they are reluctant to describe their homes as peaceful, relaxed or joyful and their daily family time consists mostly of eating dinner and watching television, according to a new study from LifeWay Research. While most parents are trying to improve their skills, far fewer look to the church or the Bible for help.

The national survey of 1,200 parents with children under 18 at home was conducted by LifeWay Research, the research arm of LifeWay Christian Resources of the Southern Baptist Convention.

The study found that 96 percent of parents agree they consistently try to be better parents. Fifty-eight percent agree strongly and 38 percent agree somewhat with this statement.

“Parents claim they are trying hard to be better parents but they are not welcoming outside guidance or advice,” said Scott McConnell, associate director of LifeWay Research and co-author with Rodney and Selma Wilson of The Parent Adventure, just released from B&H Publishing Group, with complementary teaching and learning resources from LifeWay Church Resources. “The only source of advice that a majority of parents use a lot is their own experience. It’s as if parents are collectively reverting to a popular toddler saying, ‘I will do it myself!’”

Sixty percent of parents look a lot to their own experiences growing up as their source of guidance on parenting and another 31 percent do so to some extent.

By comparison, 21 percent indicate they receive a lot of guidance from a sacred text and 15 percent depend a lot on a church. A full 61 percent completely ignore parenting seminars and 53 percent have no use for books by religious parenting experts.

Only 14 percent indicate they are very familiar with what the Bible has to say about parenting, the research revealed. Twenty-seven percent of Protestant parents are very familiar with what the Bible has to say about parenting compared to only 7 percent of Catholic parents. Among parents with evangelical beliefs, 52 percent say they are very familiar with the Bible’s parenting advice.

A large majority of the parents describe their home environment as supportive (74 percent), positive (71 percent), encouraging (69 percent) and active (69 percent). At the same time, however, 61 percent are unwilling to describe their homes as peaceful, 49 percent as relaxed and 43 percent as joyful.

While 57 percent of the parents say their families eat dinner together on a daily basis and 45 percent indicate they watch television together each day, only 53 percent report they pray together at least monthly and just 31 percent report having religious devotionals or studies together at least monthly.

More than 80 percent of parents rate family life – the quality of family communication, time spent with each other, treating each other with respect – as good to excellent. Thirty percent, however, indicate their family’s spiritual life is only fair or poor.

A full 92 percent of parents agree they need encouragement, the study found. Almost 10 percent say they need help with parenting and 11 percent indicate they have nowhere to turn for encouragement.

Among parents who attend religious worship services weekly, 38 percent indicate they get no encouragement from a sacred text such as the Bible, Torah or Koran and 24 percent report getting no encouragement from their church or place of worship. Forty-three percent of Protestant parents and 85 percent of Catholic parents do not receive encouragement from a sacred text. As for their church, 39 percent of Protestant parents and 71 percent of Catholic parents say it is not a source of encouragement as a parent.

McConnell concluded, “Christians are routinely neglecting biblical guidance and encouragement in their parenting today, relying instead on their own personal experience.”

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-18T12:18:00.001-05:00

Marriage Monday

2009-03-16T09:35:00.003-05:00

Last month we celebrated our 35th anniversary. I wish I could say that after 35 years we had arrived at "marital bliss", but I can't. What I can say is that the lessons I have learned in the last 35 years could not have been learned any other way. I have realized that God allows us to be in relationships that are sometimes "irritating" to sharpen and refine us. Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Have you ever pictured iron sharpening iron? Sparks fly as the two pieces of metal collide. But it is through the collision and the heat that the sharpening takes place.

Most of us grew up believing the ending to most fairy tales, "They got married and lived happily ever after." And most of us who have been married for a while have probably been disappointed that it really isn't that easy. So, what do we do when the sparks fly? And trust me, they will! Here are some tips for how to handle conflict in marriage...some of them that I have learned in 35 years, and some that I'm still trying to master!

Face your fear of confrontation. I hate confrontation...but my husband loves to get things resolved. I learned pretty early in our marriage that our fights could last 5 minutes or 5 hours...and it all depended on me. If I tried to avoid confrontation my husband would keep going until the situation was addressed. If I got in there and "fought it out" the confrontation was usually over in 5 minutes!
Focus on the behavior, not the person. Say, "could you please put your dishes in the dishwasher", not "You're such a slob!"
Stay on topic. Our fights in marriage usually follow the same themes...but be careful not to bring up past hurts or failures, even if they are similar to what is frustrating you right now.
Be assertive (and respectful). Assertiveness is found in the balance between passive and aggressive. Aggressive says, "I only care about me, so I'm going to walk all over you, and if you don't like it, too bad." Passive says, "I only care about you, so you can walk all over me and I won't say anything." Assertive says, "I care about you, AND I care about me, so I won't do anything to intentionally hurt you, but I also won't let you do anything to intentionally hurt me."
Really listen to your spouse. Most of us know what we are trying to say, and sometimes it just doesn't come out right. Our spouses are no different. There are times when my husband says something that I perceive as mean. I have to really listen to what he is trying to say, and sometimes say "If you just said what I think you said that hurt." This gives him the opportunity to restate what he meant...not what I heard!

Living happily ever after takes a lot of work...but it is worth the effort!

Interview with Satan on his views about church

2009-03-13T21:47:00.001-05:00

Frog Seminar

2009-03-11T20:49:00.003-05:00

Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs.... who arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of avery high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants....The race began....Honestly: No one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach thetop of the tower.

You heard statements such as:"Oh, WAY too difficult!!"

"They will NEVER make it to the top."or:

"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"

The tiny frogs began collapsing. Oneb y one....Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher..

The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"
More tiny frogs got tired and gave up....But ONE continued higher and higher and higher....This one wouldn't give up!

At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!

THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it? A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?

It turned out....That the winner was DEAF!!!!

The wisdom of this story is: Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic....because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart!

Always think of the power words have. (There's life and death in the power of the tongue - Proverbs 18:21.)

Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions! Therefore: ALWAYS be.... POSITIVE!

And above all:Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams! Always think: God and I can do this!

Why Go to Church?

2009-03-10T20:39:00.000-05:00

A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."

This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!"

When you are DOWN to nothing..... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!

Stressless Saturday

2009-03-07T18:02:00.002-06:00

Picture yourself near a stream.

Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air.

Nothing can bother you here.

No one knows this secret place.

You are in total seclusion from that place called the world.

The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

The water is clear.

You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.

There now, feeling better?

Women Drivers?!

2009-03-05T20:20:00.001-06:00

I don't think this is how most women drive, but it's funny!

Fun Friday

2009-02-27T20:09:00.000-06:00

Cancel your credit card before you die..........(hilarious!)

Now some people are really stupid!!!! Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'
Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'
Citi bank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
Citibank: 'Excuse me?'
Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'
Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'
Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)
Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )

After they get the fax:
Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'
Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'
Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'
Citibank: 'That might help...'
Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'
Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery !'
Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-02-08T10:26:00.002-06:00

"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not

everything that can be counted counts."

(Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton)

Stressless Saturday

2009-02-07T10:35:00.000-06:00