Open the Doors to my Mind

At One With The Sea

2009-11-02T14:40:00.001-08:00

My names Adam, I run a fishing boat with my three other friends, Frank, James and Luis. Its another morning like every other, but something tells me it wont be a very good day. The sky seemed upset in particular this day.

I didn’t pay much attention to it, and went on with my daily routines, I arrive fist at the boat as always, get the engine going, and fishing supplies ready. At first I had a little trouble getting the engine running but she got up and running. James, Frank and Luis arrive moments later. They get every thing on their end ready for departure. Life jackets, fishing rods and making sure the life boat was secure. So we set out for the ocean.

The sea did not look placid at all today. The waves moved as if they didn’t want us to be in the ocean, but as persistent as we where we kept going. Its about 3 in the after noon, and suddenly the sky turns black . Frank becomes a bit uneasy and walks up to me. Saying how the fishes aren’t biting. And all his lines are empty. He went on stating that he didn’t feel today’s trip.

As he finished discussing with me, the boat was rocked by the biggest wave of the day. Simultaneously Frank lands in the water, the engine goes out , and fires start developing downstairs. With that I’m split in three, the boat, Frank, and the flames. James and Luis didn’t hesitate to rescue Frank out of the water.

Now the boat’s rocking every where, back and forth. Waves here and there, and flames consuming the boat. There was only one option, abandon ship. We all make way to the life boat, and descend into the beast of the sea, as the sea currents take us away from the ship, in the horizon all I can see is a cloud of smoke, where my ship used to be, fires and our sinking ship. Skies as black as night how will we ever get home.

Yet Another Post

2009-09-17T15:06:00.000-07:00

Lately I’ve been pondering over what I should write next for this blog. Am getting no where, don’t get me wrong I got titles for upcoming topics, the thing is the body its self of the post isn’t coming to me.

While I was thinking about my many topics, I thought about something. So now am wondering why do I write, its not like I get paid for it. If you have ever bothered to read the about me section, then you would know that my older brother got me writing, well writing a blog that is. Before I started this blog, I used to write, well jot down little, no I cant say little more like long “thought entries” as I like to call them, on my note section on my sidekick.

You can say this was/is my way to escape my mind, well not escape more like arrange my thoughts so that they would make sense in my mind. I don’t know if you have noticed but I spend a lot of time thinking. Some time I even get lost up there, walking the endless halls of my mind, thought, opinions, memories, worries stuff like that. But yeah back to the whole thing as to why I write.

Am not sure if you guys are aware but I left my art classes recently ( not that you guys care), and something my friend told me caught my attention. He stated that I left art because I haven’t found what I love, cause if art was it I would have never left it. All I told him was true, cause it was true. Art isn’t something I love, people may say oh how am so “good” but yet I know it’s a lie, am more of an “ok” artist, if you consider me an artist. So if art isn’t what I love is writing something I love?

Eh I would say its something am interested in, but unlike art I don’t think I would leave it, since its my way to escape my self, I will take long breaks from it, like this summer, but not leave it. I say I don’t love writing cause, to me I got a long way to go, me and grammar don’t mix, I just go with what sounds good. So how did I get 700 and so views on this blog, cause of my bad grammar? Wait no let me guess “cause I can write” na that’s not it, or is it? Let me guess your probably thinking this kid got talent, or he’s just full of him self.

I play baseball, draw, write, and people consider me smart, what’s next I can sing and dance as well, ah no I don’t sing nor dance not my type of things. But I really like listening to music. Ah now where getting somewhere Eldrix, music. I think this blog wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for music, I would be somewhat like you right now reading someone else’s blog, and gathering thoughts to write them down under this post under “post a comment” , with out really reading between the lines and fully understanding what I write down.

See music got me to where I am, well to be the person I am, along with lots of failures, and learning. See music got me thinking, thinking got me jotting down notes on my phone, jotting down notes got me writing a blog, that you all love and like to criticize. Music where would I be with out it, that reminds me, I honestly believe that, that the music you listen to does show the type of person you are, I tried showing my point of view on another post called music, but I totally failed on that one. So you see music, and my thoughts go hand to hand. ( not that you guys would be interested in my type of music, I like bow wow’s songs, yeah I said it. I like bow wow’s songs, your probably sitting there like ugh, his black ass rapping all that trash, well that trash is good.)

So in the end you can say I write to express how am feeling about a certain topic/opinion . Well I hope you enjoyed yet another one of my numerous boring topics, until next time. ………………wink

New posts coming soon

2009-09-08T10:48:00.000-07:00

Hey long time I haven’t written anything down on my blog, for that I apologize, I hope I still got my readers. Well am not really writing in this post, I just want to share a few drawings of mine, with you guys.

The wolf picture I found it on Google, I just had to upload it. Enjoy.

Broken promise

2009-07-21T08:01:00.000-07:00

Old man you lied to me. I had my hopes in you, you told me to trust
you...and I did, but like always you let me down.

Why do you chase after pipe dreams? Why. You always told me to think
about the future, and always do things so tomorrow you won't look back
and say " I should have done this, this way". But look at you, I know
you don't want to admit it but, I know your looking at your yesterdays,
thinking "I should have done this, this way."

I had hope in you, but guess with old age people don't change. I know
life is hard but damn, why you make so much mistakes? your ambition is
that to be admired, and your mistakes are those to be frowned upon.

You left because you wanted to, you thought we where going to be there
with you, but were not. You want to know why, ill tell you why (
although I know you'll never get to hear these words, cause I won't tell
em to you.) Where not there because you went back to your dreams, yes
YOUR dreams not ours.

I know you didn't mean to do it intentionally, for all you knew you
where thinking about us, but in the end it wasn't, now was it? In the
end it showed it was all about you. Now I find out that you want to
finish what wasn't finished, making that your first priority, but you
damn well know that's not your first priority. Then again it doesn't
matter, you can't do anything anyways, guess mom was right, in the end
you wanted to be the man of the house and take care of everything, but
your not superman, you won't take care of everything.

Your only option is to go see your two sons that you haven't seen in
years. And like them its our turn to live and feel what its like to live
with out a father. But its all good you do what you have to do.

I may look like you, act like you, share most of your dreams, but in the
end will be two different man, and I damn sure am not going to be
nothing like you. You came to most of my games, I would've wanted you to
be there for all of them. You worked hard for this family, but I
would've liked it if you spent more time with us, and not put your work
before anything. I know you loved to work but you also had 2 kids who
loved you and waited countless hours for you to get home.......

Now its my turn, your mistakes won't be my mistakes. Your ambition will
be my ambition, your dreams won't be my dreams, your determination will
be my determination, your ways won't be my ways.

Hope you get the best out of life and get what you always wanted. But
old man ill always remember your broken promise.

Two wondering souls

2009-05-09T16:24:00.000-07:00

On a rainy day a man walked down the street with a solemn tone, walking with the rain as if they were one.

On his lonely journey he encountered a women standing under the rain looking up at the dark sky.

The man asked her as to why is she standing under the rain, looking at the sky in its darkest moments. The women smiled and said “the angles are crying” . The man smiled do to the fact that they shared the same point of view, as to why it rains. The man sat next to the standing women and gazed at the falling rain drops, not once looking at the women’s face, neither did she look at him.

Although they where complete strangers they somehow engaged in a conversation.

The women talked mostly, asking her questions. She asked why are you walking under the rain?
I walk under the rain so no one can tell whether am crying or not.

Why do you cry?
I normally don’t cry, guess I cry for no reason.

The man asked the question this time around, and asked. Why are you standing alone out here? She smiled and asked him, why where “you” walking alone in the rain? The man took a long pause and replied.
everyone walks alone, no matter how hard they try to deny it. None’s really with you no matter how close a friendship is, everyone is alone.

The women found the mans answer rather odd, and told him “ am not alone”
then you’re a fool ma’am, you cant see further then your nose, your blinded by what society wants you to think. Tell me will a friend really understand you, or simply “ pretend to understand you” . will a friend replace you with some one else, just cause the next person can take up their time better then how you took up their time. Will a friend listen to you, then turn their back on you and talk shit about you when your not around? If you got an answer to these things I would like an answer.

Again their was another long pause, then she spoke. I never said a “friend” was with me, thus not making me feel alone, you jumped the gun and assumed, then again you seem to have a deep wound concerning a friend or an ex friend. Which ever I don’t really care. But you need to learn to let things go my friend, holding a grudge will not solve things. Fuck the world and don’t get too attached to such things as to “friendship” let it all go. In the end theirs a set few things that are really with you “family members, and the one and only, your wondering shadow that’s their with you every step of the way”.

The man smiled and said to her,
never took you for the person to have such a point of view of the world, you seem to have a grudge as well.

All the women had to say after the man was done speaking, was “ these days , and nights are cold, people acting like they lost their way, and everywhere I go, I see another person like me trying to make it feel like home".

We all got a place to make it feel like home, no matter what. Theirs always a place to return to, a place where a person thinks of you is a place to return to, but the thing is when and how will you know when someone is thinking of you. That answer you must find it your self. Its funny that this is coming out of me the person that said your alone in this world .

They both exchanged a rather odd smile.

Seems like the sky doesn’t hold nothing back, when it comes to crying, it truly shows its emotions, with no regard as to what people think, tiny drops elegant in its own unique way, dancing its way down to earth, for its one moment of beauty, dropping and showing its waterworks’ , yet no one seems to pay much attention and over look its beauty. Guess we do live in a world full of ignorance.

She replied, “ that is true we do live in a world of ignorance, maybe one day we will live in a world with out ignorance, where people understand one another, and in a world where you wont hold grudges against one another. But until then guess you and me will be 2 wondering souls”.

The man replied
“Guess so”

With no hello or good bye, these two wondering souls went on their way, making it through this world of ignorance.

love

2009-04-11T18:20:00.000-07:00

I'm sick of seeing this all the time, kids getting too attached to
friends, not that its a bad thing, but it gets bad when its time to let
go and they don't know how to.

I know they say never to go with the crowd but, will it hurt to try and
fit in somewhere, other then your family members. Sure we got friends,
but even still its as if we walk alone.

Kids now in days are all attached to their friends, doing everything
with them. I don't know whether I'm right or wrong but being too
attached to someone is a bad thing.

Girls these days stay in a heart breaking relationship cause "they
can't leave him" how pathetic. We all have a choice whether we want to
leave or not. Its sad hearing them talk and say "he's such a bad
boyfriend, yet I can't leave him cause he loves me and I love him". If
you love him and he loves you, then why's your relationship fucked up?
breakup on Thursday, get back together on
Friday, and brake up again on Sunday. A never ending circle. Yet you
call this love.

At this point I'm beginning to think that a lot of this young girls
don't know what love truly is, the hell I don't even know what it means.
Even still we throw that word around like its no big deal.

Girls falling for guys that aren't even worth there time, just cause the
look "hot". I'm sick of hearing this, at first it didn't bother me but
now I'm getting ticked of about it. Sick and tiered of guys tripping
over a girl who don't even recognize you for who your are. All to get
with the guy that's next to you.

So why do we cling on the people who hurt us? Why do the girls of now in
days like guys that are nothing but garbage? Why do we care so much?
Why?

why do I care so much?

In the long run they'll realize that the guy who they didn't know
anything about, who tried so hard to be their friend was truly the one,
instead they went with the wrong guy, that was standing next to him. The
girl who was "in love" was really "in hell" with the guy of her dreams,
all because he said "I love you"

We should all wake up and smell the roses, and not take life so
serious. Why rush it after all its only the start of a long journey, and
friends will come and go, remember most of your high school friends you
won't see them after graduation. Then again their are true friends who
stay in touch no matter what.

Cling to you

2009-03-10T15:30:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had that one special someone..........................

Its as if time stands still as I write down these words............

I had it all, but as blind as a bat I lost it all, no not lost it, more
like let it go. Its like I can never get over you , but I'm sure your
over me, long over, so why do I still cling on to you?
.................................

Its not like your interested in me any more, I'm like yesterdays trash,
in the back of your mind, in a dark corner with little to no attention
what's so ever.

I got a chest full of pain, a head full of stress, and worst of all you
on my mind. I tell my self to let you go, but one way or another you
come back.

Why won't you just stay away, no you are staying away, I'm just
bringing you back into my mind. Its like I don't want anyone else but
you, why? I ask my self why!? Why I'm I so attached to you?

Ill find better but I doubt it will be any time soon, seems no one
wants me, seems I'm not good looking like the guy next to me, seems I'm
not that of an ass hole like every girl likes, seems like everything
goes away from me.

Girls hang around you, seem like their interested in you, then as time
goes by they tend to walk away, loose interest in you, like your
yesterdays toy. And that's true that's what you where to them,
yesterdays toy.

Look around you, theirs so much fake people you don't even know who's
real any more, and the person you knew is no longer the one you knew.

I'm tiered of missing you, and I'm not going to change for you, ill
always be here, but I'm tiered of chasing after you,

If you love something set it free, and if it doesn't come back to you,
it was never meant to be..............................

Just A Outsider

2009-02-05T18:47:00.000-08:00

How do you go along being an outsider? Knowing no matter what you do you’ll never actually be one of them, the many who are one alike, the ones who all agree on one thing, but you, your just there like a worthless rag.

All your thoughts always go against to group. Your skills are one to be admired but you don’t get shit of attention cause of your skill, no not attention, more like no admiration. no one gives a crap, as to what you can do. They all want to see one thing and one thing only , the only thing your not good enough.

But in the end it doesn’t even matter, if you decide to pull back and leave, I’m sure no one would recognize your even gone. So why stay in a place where even though your there its as if your not. Your nothing but a mere shadow.

Theirs this thing inside of you that starts to boil up, the more you stay, the more the tension starts to build up. Its like adding more fire to boiling water, and sooner or later you’ll end up with nothing.

Why do you try so hard? So that when your doing a good job, when you look around everyone is doing a better job then you, at that one point you feel like, leaving what your doing and just walk away, why do you try so hard?

You know I’ve learned a lot, and its true no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you try , they will never see you the way you want to be seen. Its pathetic how people trust one another, and just to have them shut you out of their little circle of friends. To replace you with someone who at the beginning no one liked.

I’ve had it with all this, I wonder if one day ill just end up not showing up, would people miss me? Or would they just forget me like yesterdays trash? Guess ill never find out till I stop showing up, and turn my back to those who turned their backs to me.

I will never get to hear those words I want to hear, but it doesn’t matter. Change is always good ………………………

I’m sorry………………………………

He once said

2009-01-23T16:54:00.001-08:00

A wolf once said. “Why do we humans look up at the sky, when we are facing hard times, as if we can sprout wings and fly away into the sky, and forget our worries. But we wolves use what we have, and keep moving on, and face what ever comes our way.”

This fellow wolf was right , as it is a natural instinct for wolves to keep moving on about, we humans tend to look up to the sky when ever things don’t seem to go our way. I guess when ever things go wrong we only have hope for the better, as if a cosmic power will wipe away all the worries and problems. But of course this wont happen.

We cant just have things go our way when ever we want them to, that’s not how life works. Unlike us the wolves all ready know this. They see us as worthless beings who always want more, and more, and always search for an easy way out of things. that’s why I come to think that they leave us alone, and lose all hope in us. But we on the other hand we give them a bad name because, we don’t understand them and we fear what we don’t know.

The unknown is something rather odd, we always ponder over what will happen, and waste time doing this. Why not stop pondering and walk a fine line and let the unknown be known along the way. Just like the wolves do. Guess we have to do the same thing with life, life is the unknown, and let walk the fine line of life and let itself play out on its own.

I once told my self things happen for a reason, but I came to forget my own words in the haze that clouded my mind these past months. I was about to walk out on something that could eventually become my life. But now the cloud, like every storm is clearing up and I once again see the light.

So like a wolf ill use what I have and face life, with what ever she throws at me.

High school

2008-12-22T16:15:00.000-08:00

High school, many look back and say they hated it, some say they loved it, some just didn’t care.

High school what can I say about it. Nothing much, since am in high school my self, maybe in two years ill look back and say whether or not I liked it or not. But his is not the reason why am writing this post.

Have you ever thought back to your friends in elementary school? From 6th grade to 8th ? Have you ever thought back and see how close you guys where back then? All those years having each others back and willing to back them up no matter what? Then 8th grade rolled around, graduation everyone was all hyped up about it and saying nonsense as to “ friends for ever” . some keep these promises, other simply talk a lot of bull shit.

High school the way I see it is the biggest back stabbing time period in a teens life. She said this, she did this, he said this, he did this. And what not. A time where your emotions run wild, a time period where you want to look good to impress your sweet heart, the fact is she don’t even notices you, while she runs with the future low life’s, who sooner or later will flipping burgers. High school now I see why many hate it.

A time period where your elementary school friend, turn your back on you. A time where once they said they would never replace you, comes to a reality. You walk in the halls seeing them acting as if you don’t even exist. As if they never talked to you, and the bond that you guys once had is all gone and shattered like a rusted chain. isn’t it funny how the strongest of bonds simply break away. Sure friends come and go but the fact is that they replaced you for someone else. So wake up and accept it.

High school , a time of self character building. Now your not a little kid no more, you see and understand with a greater knowledge of the world around you. You begin to be your own person, your own self. You begin to set goals, dreams. But along with all these good things bad things always happen. Not only is high school a great place to find your self but it’s a place to lose your self as well. Walking around high school I can say that there are some of the most pathetic girls out there. And its truly sad, how a great thing can go to such a waste. Sure you may talk all big and act all big but your just a pile of shit, sure u see guys as a toy and run around with 3 at a time, all it says is slut around your name.

High school, great learning experience, and the beginning of a life journey, but sometimes it seems as if it where worth less. The people you knew no longer are the people you knew. We all grow and change, and people come and go. So if you’ve been replaced your walk away cause some one more worthy will come along.

Broken hearts, are also part of high school life. You may say you love her/ him but do you really know the meaning of love? Do you truly know the feeling of losing a loved one. If you don’t, think twice before saying the words “ I love you” .

High school , some love it some don’t, it all depends on you, some keep there words of friend ship and some simply turn their back on you and walk away.

Music

2008-12-15T16:19:00.000-08:00

Notes, rhyme, feelings , lessons, thought. Messages, history, sorrow, happiness, stories, beats, all these are one alike. And if you stop and listen once in a while you’ll be amazed as to what you get out of hearing.

Music. I’ve been pondering over this for quite some time, what makes music, music? And don’t get me wrong I mean music, not the shit of now in days, that’s all about who you sleep with, what you do to them, and how much money and cars you got. Not that. But in between these garbage songs we still get some that are good, but over all their still garbage.

I don’t know if am really old fashioned or what but, my interest in music, are the good old songs of back in the days, when we where just growing up, us meaning teens, back from 2000 to up to early 2007. that’s the time period of the good music, after that its all down hill. But enough on my opinion on what time period was the best in music.

My sister was going through my mp3 player the other day, and she made my mom come into the room and told her how all my songs seem sad and gloomy. Then my mom told her that everyone has their own taste in music and I have my own. But what I wish is that, my sister would listen to the words, the lyrics, of the songs, instead of classifying them as sad and what not. But then again she’s too young to understand them so I don’t blame her. Same goes for my mom but she doesn’t understand English all that well.

The songs that am really into are songs with meanings, life lessons, and of course great beat to them. Songs that make you think, as to the world you live in, your soundings, people, things like that. Then for a while I began thinking about something, does the music one listens to, determine the type of person that they are?

I was really pondering over this, day after day none stop. I asked my friends and they all have different opinions on this topic, and over all I got “no” it doesn’t. But you know I think it does. Not to be mean or anything my friends don’t really listen as to what the lyrics are saying. They just don’t.

But as I said I really do think the music you listen to does determine the type of person you are, like in general the type of songs am into makes you think and ponder, and am a kid who thinks and ponders a lot, and I mean a lot.

So how exactly does the music you listen to show who you are, the way I see it is this, everywhere you go people listen to music, and there’s people who listen to anything, I mean anything and other who listen to one genre, one artist and such, people who prefer rock over R and B, like that. Your background also plays a role in this, people come from broken homes, and seek comfort, and a place to escape in music. People who like to express them self’s , and they express them self’s through rock, stuff like this.

The music you listen to shows a lot about you, and mainly your feelings. If your listening to a song that’s sad and slow and calm, maybe you lost a loved one, like a girlfriend and such. Listen to a cheer full song then your cheer full, and so on. I don’t know if am making my point to the max so heres a few lines from some of my favorite songs.

Bow wow outta my system
“ Damn
I mean
I Just keep thinking about you
I mean I wanna move on but I can't move on
It's like you got some kind of hold on me and I don't Know
But Imma go ahead and talk about it
Listen

I'm sitting looking out the window like damn
Trying fix this situation that's at hand
You still running through my mind when I'm knowing that you shouldn't be,
Me all on your mind and I'm knowing that it couldn't be”

Wake me up inside by evanescence

“How can you see into my eyes
Like open doors?
Lading you down into my core,
Where I've become so numb.

Without a soul,
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold,
Until you find it there and lead it back
Home. “

Happy birth day Flipsyde

“Happy Birthday...so make a wish Verse 1: Please accept my apologies, wonder what would have been Would you've been a little angel or an angel of sin? Tom-boy running around, hanging with all the guys. Or a little tough boy with beautiful brown eyes? I paid for the murder before they determined the sex Choosing our life over your life meant your death And you never got'a chance to even open your eyes Sometimes I wonder as a fetus if you fought for your life? Would you have been a little genius in love with math? Would you have played in your school clothes and made me mad? Would you have been a little rapper like your papa da Piper? Would you have made me quit smoking' by finding one of my lighters? I wonder about your skin tone and shape of your nose? And the way you would have laughed and talked fast or slow? Think about it every year, so I picked up a pen Happy birthday, love you whoever you would a been Happy birthday... Chorus: what I thought was a dream (make a wish) Was as real as it seemed (happy birthday) What I thought was a dream (make a wish) Was as real as it seemed I made a mistake!”

Songs like this, songs that express the feeling, and situation, and emotions , and if I would take my songs and use it to reflect on me I would say that am a person who’s in touch with his feelings, and has a way to show them. But over all I don’t really know if I made my point across but I hope I did.

So what does the music you listen to say about you?

Innocent eyes

2008-11-17T14:43:00.000-08:00

Not too long ago I was on a bus going home from school, and something
caught my eye. To be honest not a lot of things get my attention when am
on the bus but this time, what I saw did.

The bus was jammed packed. So I was standing on the ride home. As I was
listening to music, I wanted to check for the time. I glanced down and
checked the time on my cell phone. As I finished checking for the time I
raised my head. And that's when I saw them. A family.

A father, mother and a daughter. The mother and father sat next to each
other, and their daughter up in front of the father. And that's when I
saw them. The daughter’s eyes.

Such innocent eyes. Eyes that all they wanted was to be loved, and
adored. Eyes that looked around with curiosity as for the world around
her. The faces, the smiles. The laughter.

Then the little girl looked up and looked at me. My eyes widened a bit,
as to the gentle simile she gave me, all I could do was smile back and
return the simile. Then she went on to playing with her father. The way
she looked at him, with such care, and attention. For the whole ride
home they smiled at each other, and played. As I exited the bus, on my
bus stop. The father drew his wife close to him, and kissed her
forehead. As the daughter smiled in the background.

Eyes truly beautiful. They are the windows to the sole.
You can tell, and learn a lot form someone's eyes then rather
having them actually verbally tell you them self's. The connection I saw
with that family in the bus, is something I don't see often. That's one
of the reasons why it caught my attention in the first place. Not only
because that's the ideal family that I've envisioned for my self, but
the fact that the connection that the father had with his daughter is
that of the same that I want for my future daughter.

Don't get me wrong or anything, ill love what ever child god will give
me, but I so long for the father daughter relationship when am older. Something about that connection has always got my attention, and I would love to have that.

Eyes their all around us, each pair holding a story, waiting to be read by other eyes.

Am I really 16?

2008-11-07T13:11:00.000-08:00

Am I really 16? I mean that is my age and all. But what am trying to say is do I think like a 16 year old?

Recently a friend of mine, that I haven’t seen in a while came up to me and told me. “Eldrix you look more mature”. I replied really and she said yes. Another friend of mine also told me that I talk different, and I asked him how so and he replied, I don’t know you sound more mature. At first I didn’t really pay attention to these comments. But then I also remembered how another friend of mine also brought up the same subject a while back. This time he said “why don’t you talk like a teenager?”

So now am pondering over something, am I really 16? Not age wise, I mean mentally. Am the type of person who spends a lot of time thinking and pondering over things. So one morning I was laying in bed and I was thinking back to what my friends told me.

People have always said that I have mature way of thinking, and I think its true. I see things differently, and I have an opinion that not all my friends understand, and just look at me as if am crazy or something. They always come to me and talk to me about stuff that’s going on with them and I give them my honest opinion. They ask me what should they do and I give them my opinion once again, but that’s where things get a bit hostel. They never listen.

I Will

2008-10-22T13:55:00.001-07:00

Have you ever thought about just stopping what you’re doing, turn around and walk away?

To walk away from daily life, from all the talking, all the laughing, just walk away, and leave everything the way it is…………………

As a kid, we all have said “I want to grow up, and be a grown up.” At this point we have no clue as to what we are saying, and all you get from people is simply, “stay young.”

Life as we grow normally gets harder, we start to see the world in a different way, and we begin to think, and wonder, ask questions and so on.

To me I see life as a very short time line. We are born, we live, grow, get married, bring a new life into this world, and die. It’s like as you grow you’re expected to do good in that short time period. It’s as if you don’t take that one slight chance of opportunity, your life just goes down the drain.

I’ve always wondered, if the moment in which we are born, is our future decided at that one moment? Or do “we” really choose our futures, and what we will become? Like I don’t really know if this question has an answer but like, when you see someone you can tell that they have potential in them to become big, but is this potential, been already decided for this person or is it simply their hard work, and efforts?

I’ve always asked my self will I ever be someone when I grow up. Like what is my future going to be? Am I doing the right things? Also I’ve thought about walking away from everything and just give up. Like throw everything away.

I don’t know if am the only one whit this inside but like I feel worthless, as if am just like every other kid who comes my way. Like am heading to a dead end. I know I shouldn’t be thinking this way, but I just sit and wonder sometimes. Thoughts come in my mind, words, voices, and I just get locked up inside my head thinking. I’ve thought about many things and the one big thing I really want to know is, what am I really good at? For instance I picked dup a pencil 3 years back and I drew a picture. I liked the way it came out and I started to get interested in drawing , I signed up for art classes and the accepted me, then I noticed something else, my natural talent for perspective and drawing “boxes” as many refer to it. Yet that’s all I can do, draw boxes. Its gotten to a point that am frustrated with my self because I have no other talent that I am really good at, all my friends canal draw better then me, and its as if I don’t belong with them.

This has also lead me to think that my so called talents are nothing but a mere child trying out a new toy. So is it really called talent? Then came the time I began writing my thoughts down and eventually became a blog, then my friends all got a chance to read what I’ve written down and they all replayed, “you can write”. So is this another so called talent that I have? So this can go both ways either am talented, or am just a little kid with a huge head.

You don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to walk away and leave everything I know behind. But I don’t, I ask my self why I don’t just simply stop. But you know I don’t think I can stop.

You know when your determined to do something, you wont stop till you get what you where determined to do. Well am determined to become twice the person he is.

At one point I wanted to become an adult as I was a little kid, I looked up to, him. Wanted to be just like him, but reality opened my eyes. I don’t want to become nothing like him.

So has my future been decided? Or do I hold the leash to tame this wild beast of my future?

Like I once said “forget the past, live the present, and let the future come.” So am going to forget about you, live my present, and let the future I’ve envisioned come to a reality.

The way I see it, walking away isn’t an option, if I do walk away ill be heading the same pathetic road your walking, and am shore you don’t want me in the same road. Honestly I see my future looking pretty good.

I will make something out of myself, you wait and see…………………

The words That were never said

2008-10-09T16:45:00.000-07:00

You had all the time in the world to say it, but you didn’t ………

This person meant everything to you, and you had something very important to tell him. He was always smiling at you, always there when you needed someone to talk to, when you talked to this person, the words wanted to come out of you and let him know, but the words wouldn’t come out. This person always notices you had something to tell them, and he asks” what is it?”, and you simply replay nothing. Then he walks away smiling saying “ok” .

This person was like a shadow always there, always talking to you, always giving you a helping hand, listening to you when ever you needed a someone to hear you out. I mean he was always around, you couldn’t get enough of seeing him. This became a habbit. Day in and out he was there, always there. Passing by you, smiling and saying hi…

When you where around this person, it seemed as if you where the only one that noticed he was there. But still you never dared tell him what you had to tell him…

The day finally came when you where brave enough to tell him and you where going to tell him, your long awaited words. But you noticed he wasn’t there, he didn’t pass by your way, this seemed odd to you, because he was always there. But that day he wasn’t……………

You ask the people around you if they have seen him, and all you get is no “I haven’t”. At first you didn’t take it that seriously. But the days piled up and still no sign of him. You begin to worry, and feel uneasy. You begin to look for him you ask people if they have seen him, you give his name and all you get is “ who is that?”. you get ticked off because this person was always there, yet no one knew him? The minutes you spent looking for him, begin to weigh on you, now you begin to wish you would have told him what you wanted to tell him, before when you had so many other chances of letting him know.

Days later, you get your answer as to his wear about, as the location enters your ears, tears run down your face. You cant believe what you are hearing………. He is gone…………

The kid that was always there is no longer there, that warm smile he gave you will no longer be seen, by your eyes, or anyone else. You ask your self, why? Why did you have to……………….. Why couldn’t I have?…………………… But its all too late.

As you walk to him, the tears multiply with every step you take towards him, now you stand, next to him, as he lies 6 feet below you, and you begin to tell him, what you had wanted to tell him all along………………………………

an angel of fire

2008-09-27T07:06:00.001-07:00

Fire truly beautiful, yet so devastating. The very same thing that gave
life a fighting chance, can also take it away in no time.

Many say that a firefighters work is really dangerous. It truly is.
Running in a burning building, knowing that their are people in the
fire, trapped with no way out. You the person trapped in the fire, you
hope for someone to come and get you out of the burning hell, you look
around and see nothing but fire and smoke. Then you give it another try
and look once more, you see a faint pattern and you can't figure out
what it is, then a fireman appears out of the flames as if they where an
angel of fire.

From that moment on you know that you are saved and your worries lessen
a bit.

Day in and out firefighters give their lives to save people who they
have never seen in their lives before. Many do the unthinkable, and hard
choices, for example saving a child instead of the mother, because the
mother, rather save her child then herself, she gives the fireman her
baby and sees the man run out leaving her behind.

Moments later when she sees no more hope, there a hand reaches out to
grab her and save her as well, and reunite her and her child once again.
She looks up and thanks the fireman, he smiles back and walks away.

But on some occasions, lives are lost as well. Am pretty shore that
that's one of the hardest things a firefighters has to see. And as many
do they develop a sick sense of humor to get over what they have
witness.

You do things everyday with out any worry, and just as a daily routine,
yet a fireman is lucky if he gets to do these things. For example,

Many blame firefighters for not getting to fires on time, well while
their was a fire, their stood an ignorant person talking on the phone,
doing their makeup and refusing to move out the way so the firefighters
can carry out their duty in time. You call your wife/girlfriend all the
time, set up dates, and they can't get enough of you voice. But a
fireman calls his mom, wife/girlfriend to let them know that he made it
out alive and that he's heading for another fire.

You sleep for hours at night on your worm and conftrebale bed, yet a
fireman is lucky if he gets an hour of sleep, on a spring bed, and to
only be awaken by the sound of a bell, indicating a fire. You walk in
and out your house door as if where nothing, yet a fireman walks in a
door, and does not know if he's coming back out alive.

He brings in a drunk teenage driver to the hospital, and remembers the
night that his baby girl was born. You take showers and change your
cloths everyday, yet a fireman is wearing the same shirt as the day
before, and takes a worm shower to help him stay up. You fill your
stomach with food, yet a fireman runs in a burning building on an almost
empty stomach, because he didn't have time to finish his meal.

You see your friend fall at the park, you laugh, yet fireman sees their
friend, fall through a floor down to the unknown, as they hand you a
body to be saved. You sit an a well cooled room on a hot June day, yet a
fireman carries 50 pounds of gear, protective clothing and rushes in a
burning building on a hot, June day.

All these things we overlook and give firefighters a bad name, yet their
twice, even three times the man you are by giving them a bad name.

To be honest being a firefighter, most be one of the best jobs out
their, getting to save lives, putting your own life at risk. Am pretty
sure their isn't a greater job out their in the world, and I really want
to become one as well.

I give full respect to firefighters, they have to put up with a lot, and
many times its a lost of a life, and the emotions that they most
undergo.

Like Edward F. Croker said,
"When a man becomes a fireman his greatest act of bravery has been
accomplished. What he does after that is all in the line of work".

I hope one day, someone sees my figure coming out of a flame coming to
rescue them, and to be described as an angels of fire.

The power of words

2008-08-26T04:51:00.000-07:00

Pay close attention the lyrics,

*Where’d you go

* right now

*kanji

* believe me

*slip out the back

*The hard way

*Red to black

*Remember the name

A wolve's Pride

2008-08-12T11:34:00.000-07:00

Before reading this post, take a look at the video, and reading the fallowing three terms.

*Paradise; a place, situation, or condition in which somebody finds
perfect happiness

*Utopia; an ideal and perfect place or state, where everyone lives in
harmony and everything is for the best.

*Pride; the correct level of respect for the importance and value of your
personal character, life, efforts, or achievements.

I talked about this a while back, about wolves. Their bright ember eyes, the way they stick together as one, never really messing with others, and protecting the pack, and teaching the young cubs new things ever day. But the one thing that I didn’t talk about is how much pride a wolf has, in my opinion, I think the wolf are the only animals who show their pride, and express them self the way they do. With one simple glance at a wolf’s eye you can sense the, pride within them. Their never afraid to die to protect what they intend to protect, they always bring food to the pack no matter how hard the pray may be to catch.

So in a way, wolves live in a perfect utopia. Everything is balanced with them. They hunt to feed them self’s, but they don’t just hunt any animal that comes their way. They hunt the week, sick and dieing animals that roam around. By doing this they are finishing of the ones that are already going to die, and putting them to a better use.

Ok enough about wolves. So over all we can say that wolves do live in a utopia, an ideal place where wolves live in harmony and everything is for the best, but why isn’t it a paradise?

Paradise has many meanings, and on of them meaning “heaven” and the garden that Adam and Eve where put in, but I will not go into detail with that subject. So for now where sticking to ( *Paradise; a place, situation, or condition in which somebody finds perfect happiness). So, why don’t we call it a paradise, we don’t call it paradise, because there's not always happiness, in the end. Like everything on this earth, we are born, and we die, that’s the rule of the land, and we all live by it no matter what.

For you paradise might be a place, where you can relax, and brake free from everyday life, but is there really such place called paradise? A place of perfect happiness? The only way I see paradise is when we all die, and we don’t have to worry about anything , and everything is over and done, that’s when paradise may be reached, like ok yea I will say it going to “heaven”.

So, can we say that paradise is all, but a really fancy word. But us humans, always look for the dark side of things.

For example, if lets say your 100% problem free, you automatically, think that nothings going to go wrong. But what if in deed some does go wrong. You where promised a 100% of nothing going wrong. So what do you do now? You go back to the person who told you “ your 100% problem free” now they got a big problem on their hands.

So that’s why, nobody says 100% no more, now its 99.99% so theirs a .01 change of something going wrong. So now if you where told you are “ 99.99% problem free” and some thing does go wrong, you cant do anything about it, because, their was a .01 change of something going wrong.

So now us humans look at paradise as a 100% way of happiness, but no no no, we cant have 100% so we distich the whole concept of paradise, and come to the conclusion that paradise, is only a word and nothing more. That we cant reach paradise, theirs nothing there.

So now we don’t use paradise no more, we use utopia ( *Utopia; an ideal and perfect place or state, where everyone lives in harmony and everything is for the best.) but now its not a sure perfect. now its an ideal of a perfect place or state. so now we have a 99.99% and .01 chance that an utopia is not paradise, but over all they can be classified as the same thing, but now we have a chance of something going wrong.

But who knows, we may never truly know if paradise is truly a word, or a place, but we can sure look for our own versions of paradise, a holy word or a holy place, and distach our self’s from the man made word “ utopia”

The Eyes Of An Eagle

2008-08-04T13:12:00.000-07:00

Day in day out, its always the same thing.

He wakes up, walks to the bathroom, brushes his teeth, takes a shower, goes to his bedroom , puts his cloths on, and walks out the door.

When he walks, its as if he walks alone, and the only thing that fallows is his own shadow, always taking a step, rite after he does. Day in day out, its always the same thing.

But this kid is no ordinary kid, many people look at him, as if there is something wrong with the kid, the kid just looks back, deep into their eyes and just look, until the other person looks away.

Others see him as if he has a future ahead of him self, and this is true, the kid got the grades, the dreams, everything he has its pointing him at the right direction, all he has to do is keep his head up.

But, why does the kid feel empty? As if he wasn’t good enough? He just feels as if his existing, by always doing the same thing over and over, its as if life has no more feeling, its always the same shade of gray.

A kid was born today, a person died today, today is someones birthday, today someones car got stolen, today someone bought a new house, today someone lost their house, today someone met there life partner, today someone lost their life partner, today someone got on their feet, and today someone is living in the streets. Its always the same thing day in, day out, day after day, year after year.

So what's the meaning of life? To be breathing and living, to be happy, and sad? Is the meaning of life, to be waiting for "god" to end this world? Start a new one? With out sad and sorrow? With out hate, with out these bad things that is happening now in days?

But the kid has a different view point on this. With good there is always going to be evil, with happiness theirs always sadness. With light always comes dark, so its ying and yang, they live of each other, and need one another to stay alive. So is this "new world" really coming or is it just a long told story?

A long told story, for those who feel like life is worthless and boring, and to make them wait, and hope for the better? Maybe it is true u never know, but for the kid, he knows that there is someone watching him and guiding him, someone worthy of the name "god" as he's the only one that's truly with him, day in and day out.

So now the kid has a propose, to keep going. He knows that out there theirs something waiting for him, something he truly wants, a life with out him feeling lonely, a life where not only his shadow walks with him.

But a life where, day in and day out, theirs an eagle eye watching over him.

Ray

2008-07-23T13:22:00.001-07:00

Funny how this can change from one day to another.

One day you can be at the top of the world, living the best life ever, people looking up to you. People adoring you, loving you, everything. But as quickly as you got up there, it can all go down the drain.

Now your no longer at the top of the world, your a nobody, just another one, just existing, not living, then you look up to the next person that is on top of the world, you say to your self "I was there", everyone loved me, just as much as they love him. Then you start hoping for the best and you start to admire that person. But that person doesn't even look at you, not so much as a glance.

But you fight for that glance, hoping it will get you back on your feet. Then when that day finally came, you being the person, with nothing and him looking at you a person with everything, you smile, but he doesn't.

He looks at you with disgust, as if you where nothing at all, you hope he will be nice enough to help you out, but reality he doesn’t.

You being the person, person who had everything, at one point you did the something, now look at you, you got nothing. But the person who has everything knows you where at the top, but he doesn't help, why?

The reason he doesn't help is because, why should he, you had everything, yet you didn't make it last. And took it for granted, as will the next person who's at the top.

You see by nature man is greedy, only worrying about them self and nothing more, they don't care who they use, to get what ever they want.

So right now, there are people living on the streets, sleeping under bridges, walking around asking for money, do you ever think who they where before they got to such low lives? I mean they can be a nobody now, but at one point they could have been at the top of the word, yet some of them can be those who use others, and pretend to be homeless, just to make them self richer. we lill never know, but at one point they had dreams and a life.

So every where we look there are people on top of the world, and others that are mainly nobody, just existing and not living.

But there are those who live their lives in between these too. Those who are neither on top nor nobodies, but with even with those people, things can change from one day to the other, one day you can be happy with what you got, and the next day it can be all taken away.

So live to love what you got, don't be selfish, help out others, but don't take it too far.

In this world everything changes in no time, on day you can be eating shit, the next you can be eating like a king. Just have hope for the better, and keep your head in the game, and don't do shit, so tomorrow you will be left on the streets.

There's always a ray of hope for those who look for it.

A Future I Want

2008-07-14T13:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish I can just wake up from a dream, but not just any dream.

The dream am talking about is, my whole entire life. From the moment I was born to any known date, all in the form of a flashback. Then from the instant that I wake up it’s a whole different world, then what I was dreaming, and that world is the future I want.

From the moment I wake up, am lying in bed, next to a wife, who I love more then anything, a great person who I share my life with, my dreams, my wishes, the type of person who will always be there for me when I need them. Same goes for them I would always be there if they need me for anything. As I begin to get out of bed I walk in a house that I have always dreamt about, big with lots of space, room for a nice living. Not the crap of boxes that we live in these days. As I exit my bedroom and close the door behind me, I walk down the hall way, to the near by bedroom.

There lies, our daughter that I have always wanted. But as I stand in the door I hear a faint voice calling out “daddy”. Then all my thought go to rest for that faint second. As I get closer to her she jumps out and hugs me, then we both smile at each other, as I put her back to bed and wait for her to fall back asleep, I look at her face, and her eyes as they begin to close, as she falls asleep, then I begin to think again, I see her a grown teenager, just beginning her life in this world. A very strong young women, always smiling at us, me and my wife, always coming to us when ever she’s in trouble or if there is something bothering her. ( although every teen rather be away from parents at some points) but we will always be her parents, meaning we will always know when there is something up with her.

As she goes back to sleep, I rub her head with her smooth hair and kiss her forehead and whisper, in her ear, “ill always be here for you”. As I leave her room I go down stairs I stare out the window, but before I see out the window I step a back. And look at my reflection in the mirror. Then I smile at my self. And say to my self look at what you’ve become, a grown image of the image am so used to see. A serious face that of my dad, with my own personality as well. Then as I see myself my image goes away. Then that of my dad shows up, then I smile at him and say hope your happy, with the person I’ve become. Then I begin to look at what is outside the window

After a while of staring out the window I walk, a bit more to the kitchen. A beautiful kitchen, with lots of space, and to be honest I don’t know why, guess it just looks good. I open the fridge and I get my self a glass of apple juice. Then I sit on a stool, and take one sip, and put the glass down. As I bring my hands close I rest my elbows on the table, and rest my chin, in my fist. And begin to think back.

Back when I was a teen , the dreams I had back then, all the thoughts I wrote down on my blog site. And am still smiling do to the fact that am here still doing the same thing on that same page. But then I think further into my past. A past that was a good one, but not every ones child hood is all that sweet. I look back at all the hardships that went on, the times I was down, the promises I made, the life I wished back then, all the things I did to make my dreams come true. All of that am here think back on, then I smile once again, and take another sip of my apple juice. But then it hit me.

All those hard times that happened in my past, all those times, I saw them fight, all those times I said things, all those times I cried, but it was all worth it in the end. Because of all those things that happened all those promises I made to my self. It was all worth it, because all those words I said to my self they all made me a better man, the man, that’s sitting in his house, in his kitchen drinking apple juice, with his wife and daughter up stairs. The man who chased after his own dreams and became someone.

Then as I finish my apple juice, I get up from the stool, and walk out the kitchen, walk pass my living room and look at all the things that I’ve drawn over the years, all in frames, and nicely decorated, to fit the living room. The family photos, all the smiles, and that cute smile of our daughter , staring me back, and all I can do is smile back, at the picture. Then I finally say to my self, yup this was exactly the life I wanted as I was growing up. A wonderful wife, who I barley fight with ( do to the fact that the fights would mean hardship in our lives, and in the life of our daughter, and that I don’t want, I want a close family, who is as close as happy as it can get.), a wonderful daughter, I wonderful house, and most importantly I good life.

As I walk back up stairs, and into my bedroom, and slip back into bed, and I close my eyes and say to my self, yup this is the life I wanted back when I was a teen, and this was exactly the future I wanted.

Judge Me and ill Prove You Wrong

2008-07-10T15:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I look my self in the mirror, and I look at myself.

But then I take a closer look at my self and I start picking out things that I don’t like, and most of the time I go to my face. Always looking at those stupid red spots on my face, then when I start thinking, then I end up getting mad at my self, and getting frustrated , and say to my self when will these things go away.

But besides all that, with me knowing its only a age thing I just want them to go away. Then when I look deeper and deeper into my face I notice my eyes. They are as black as it can get, and with an expression, as if I don’t approve of my self. Then I stare and stare, and ask, “ who are you “, and simple just watch as the mirror image says the same thing back. “ who are you “.

Then I just sit there and watch, mostly not liking my self for some unknown reason. Well not so much as to not like myself just the things I see. Like for example my face with all those pimples, red spots. Scars and so on. When I see all these things I ask my self what do people around me think when they see a face like mine? , then I just end up saying I really don’t want to know what they think when they see it, do to the fact that am disgusted with my face. Then I look in my eyes. And for some reason its like there trying to tell me something, but its like I cant understand, because all I see is empty ness, and just eyes nothing more. But I know its trying to tell me something, I just don’t know what.

Then I start to wonder and wonder, why am I the way I am today. There’s only a simple answer, to that question , and that is with every thing that has happened before. Then it hit me one day. In my post don’t judge a book by its cover, I clearly said “ but its not always what's on the out side that matters, its the person inside that matters” . so then what have I not been applying my own words to my self. Why?

Why was I so stuck up in the external features? Why? And not who I really am inside? Why? Like what was I thinking? I say all these big words and things, yet I don’t listen to them. Why? Am I so hardheaded or something?

I guess with only seeing the outside all the time, from the moment I wake up to brush my teeth I see my self from the out side, till the night once again when I brush my teeth I still see my self from the out side in my bathroom mirror, and once again not the inside, and while doing all these things it became a habit to only look at my self from the out side and not the inside.

Then I stood up during the night and wondered about my inside, what do I have locked up in there? Really what? Who am I really in the inside? A loving and caring person? Yet my out side don’t show it all that much? Then it hit me.

That day, when I was hanging out with some of my friends, playing baseball and being teens and stuff. Then this little boy came in the batting cages where I was batting and asked if he could pitch, at first I was a little worried do to the fact that this kid was only like what 5 or 4 may be a little older. Then I said why not then I let the kid pitch to me and as I walked back to get ready to bat, something got my attention. That look.
( if your reading this I hope you remember what am talking about)

That look. Was none that I have ever seen before, and it said something , something that woke me up last night., and made me smile.

I may not know what exactly I have inside that made you look at me that way, but thanks, with that look you gave me my answer.

Like I said before I may not know what I have inside but you know what its damn good, that’s all I have to say. And am going to say this again. Is not what’s on the out side that matters, its what’s in the inside.

Oh and another thing, when I look at my self now I see a great person , the kind of person that I really am.

Lets Open The doors To My Mind

2008-06-26T13:20:00.000-07:00

As I close my eyes I begin to walk with a person in my head. Then I told the person to take a little walk with me, and to open the doors to my mind together.

As we draw near the door that separates reality, and my mind. There was a door with a handle that seems to be a swirl, swirling to the left, for some unknown reason. As we open the door together, a long hallway appears, and shading away to darkness. As we walk together you hear the laughter of children, and sooner or later you see my former child self, playing as normal kids do, jumping around, and with a smile that says a thousand words. As we continue to walk, the hall way gets a bit darker, the laughter of the kid seems to disappear out of no where, and the child simply vanishes. As the hallway continues, the person seem to get a bit uneasy, and squeezes my hands, of fear. Then you see the same kid as before but a bit older, but still with a smile on his face. Then you see the kid and a man, the man is the kids father. The father is handing the kid a present. A marble shaped star , in a 3 dimensional form, made with an emerald shaded marble, and white. The child is happy with the gift his father has just given him.

As we pass the kid holding the star, the person near me looks deep in the kids eyes and sees sadness, and the child disappears. Later on a flash of light appears ahead and the falling marble star falls and crumbles into the ground. Later on you can hear sounds of fighting, people arguing, seems to be a wife and husband, over and over, but the sound of the fights don’t last to long and simply stops. As we come near the middle of the hallway the walls seem to crumbles a bit, its getting darker and darker with every step we take. Then we come to a sudden stop. In front of us lies a child huddled up, all by him self, the person next to me runs to the child but the child does not let her get near him, and looks up at the person and with a sudden jolt of flash she sees what he has been through, a door slams, the child cries at the door. Cries for the person who just walked out that door. The he looks at him self in the mirror and swears to him self to never cry again, nor to show any signs of emotion what so ever. And then smiles at him self with a fake smile to cover up all the events that has happen.

As the image of the child smiling at him self in the mirror vanishes, a claw rips through the mirror and breaks the glass, and on one of the falling glass parts passes his eyes, and the reflection seemed with out a soul. Then as the girl got up so did the child, and he walks away. The girl brakes down in tears, and continues to walk along my side. It seems as every step we took seem to be a year in the child’s past, and in many occasions he seems to want to let out some emotions but does not, he seems to want to cry but does not. Then as the hall way draws to a near end, there stood up a figure of a young teenage boy, all you saw was his figure in the dark and his eyes with loneliness, and a fake smirk to cover things up. The figure did not say anything, nor did anything, and just stood there. But something happened the figure splits into two different people. But with a closer look at the figures, it turned out to be the same person, but split into two different characteristics of him self, one does not smile, and seems to be light, the other nor smiles or frowns, is just there. And the two have a conference with them self. One telling the other I don’t need you and the other just smiles away and says oh but you do. As those word came out a pit openeds and them both fall in and another figure appeared, to be in pain and holding his head as if he doesn’t know what to do.

Then out of the shadows a hand reaches out and touches his shoulder and he turns around to face the figure. A smile appeared on the kids face, and a tears ran down his eyes. The kid that swore never to cry, cried his eyes out with all the pain that he had locked up in his head, and heart. Then he begins to soften up and begins to let people in, and cast away a former part of him self that he didn’t like so much. As we passed the figure, and the person besides him he looked back at us and smiled, and vanished into the darkness.

Then out of no where the hall way began to light up again, and a group of people where there, those who are close to him and are always there for him, and as the lightest part of the hall way showed up once again a group of friends where there showing us the way out and pointing to another door. As we passed the last person on our way out, there stood the child once again from the beginning of the hallway, and before our eyes, he grew up, and as he grew up, his smile grew as well filled with happiness, and finally opens the door to let us out.

As the door closed behind us, the swirl was still there for a handle, for some strange reason we don’t know why. As we turned away from the door with a strange look on our face, and we wondered. Then we looked forward and stood with our eyes wide open, as thousands of doors appear before us. And the door we just walked in was only the beginning.

As I open my eyes , I smiled and a voice in my head tells me its only the beginning, and I hear foot steps, as they walk to the next door in the vast world of my mind.

Like His Father Part 2

2008-06-11T17:17:00.000-07:00

Victor Manuel Jimenez, what can I say about that name. I can write a book on that name.

Victor Manuel Jimenez apart from my big brother is my fathers name. Like my brother wrote once, many kids want to be like their fathers. In some ways I do want to be like him, but not him. What I want from him is his courage to do things, always waking up and facing the day with a serious face. Never giving up, and always working his butt of even if he gets home at 3 in the morning.

My father is one hell of a person, along with his defects, I mean nobody is perfect. Many people have all ready told me how I look like my father, in so many ways, and act like him, and have his same thoughts as well. Just like the other day me and him where at my aunts house helping her out. Then my aunt interrupts me and told my dad to listen, she asked me the same thing she asked my dad and I looked at my dad, and smiled. Looked back at her and said I know why he told you to put that there, she then looked impressed and I said the exact words that my father told her 2 weeks before. With that said alone you already know we have a lot in common.

Many people envy my dad, want to be him, have the family that he has. Have the life he has. My father has this look in his eyes that say every thing about him. He has this way to always shut a baby up when there crying, shut a dog up when their barking a lot, always finding a way for animal, and humans to get close to him, to this day I don't know how he does it, my mom has always told him " you're like the devil"

I've been by the side of my father ever since I can walk, never moving away from him, always going to places with him, meeting top people of this world with him, going to meetings like you have never been to. Seeing him do things that no normal parent has done, sacrificed many things. No matter how bad things seem to be or get, no matter how hard the task is he always gives his all into it, never backing down, nor leaving something half way done, and never finishing it, he always finds a way to finish the job no matter what. We'll that's enough about my father, now lets talk about how they call me "Alan jr" when am with him. ( Alan is my fathers nickname)

As I said before many people see my father in me. The way I act, the way I talk, the way I think, what I do, my interest, and a familiar resemblance to him at my age as well. When I go to work with him I have to be bored to death, do to the fact that I hate his job like you have no idea, But out of my boredom I pick up a piece of wood and make something out of it. Then all my fathers workers look at me and call me Alan jr, because what I did with that piece of wood none of his workers can do it, the way I did it, the my father steps in and looks at me and shakes my head and tells his workers, that's in his blood, I just look at it as if it where not that big deal.

But with many of my family members telling me that what I do is not just simply because of, I just do it and it comes out right, they say “many of your skills are in your blood and your naturally good at it.”

to be honest, my dad is a great person, who works hard, never resting a Saturday or Sunday, and yet always finds a way to be with the family no matter what.

When am older I want to surpass my father in so many ways, and do all the things he could have never done before in his life, and for people to respect my name as they respect his name.

Its an honor to be 1 of the 4 children of victor Manuel Jimenez.

THANKS DAD

“Don’t judge a book by its cover."

2008-06-09T13:15:00.000-07:00

What makes a person a person? Their physical characteristics? The way
they talk? What they do? How they dress? Their hair color/type? How tall
they are? How short they are? If their skinny? Fat?

A lot of people judge others by only their external features. Always
making fun of one another just because they may look different. And even
when the person has nothing wrong with them they always go for the
name, always changing some letters to make up another name, a thing, or
just to have something to make fun of.

But their is always this big, huge thing that comes up, and all this
judging goes to no where. What about when you’re looking for a mate
(girlfriend or boyfriend)? I mean no one wants a person who's ugly for
them, a person who’s stupid, and a person who don't know how to act.

Like for instance am a simple guy, who don't talk much, always playing
baseball, and hanging out with the family, especially my little sister.
What kind of girlfriend that I want is well, a simple girl, who's smart,
not too pretty nor not too ugly, and who shares some of my interest. In
a way I just judged a person, but I didn't do it to hurt feelings, or to
make anyone sad. That's just my type of person.

So its like everyone has their own taste in people, but its not
always what's on the out side that matters, its the person inside that
matters, like my father always says ( do to his shortness) " don't judge
a person by their height, but judge them by their intelligence, and their
capabilities. " To me, and you this may vary in many different ways, we
all have different taste, that's what makes us humans, and individuals.
After all it’s like they say “don’t judge a book by its cover."