chasing the tree

list

2009-05-07T20:57:00.000-07:00

things that I do not like:
Studying
Studying for finals
Studying for finals on my anniversary
studying for finals on my anniversary by myself because my wife knows I wont actually study or let her study if she is in the room with me.

wives and elbows

2009-05-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

I just found out recently that my elbows do not open all the way, while one arm appears almost strait, the other has a definite bend in it.

The fact that this had to be pointed out to me and in no way changes my life or what I can do with my life is completely irrelevant to me. I am obsessed with my newly-realized-not-fully-extended elbows. Despite the fact that I have done nothing to remedy the bent elbow problem, I constantly find myself staring in the mirror, extending my arms – its 3:15 I wonder if it is strait yet, hmm… 4:07 it must be strait by now… what about now?, no? how about now? I check the degree of bendiness a billion times a day, looking for any sign that my arm has auto-corrected itself.

I have limited asking Amy to sum up the status of the bend in my arm to a mere 1-2 dozen times a day – apparently its annoying to be interrupted while studying for your finals in the few free hours you have available a day, to look at your wife’s elbow. Still, it doesn’t stop me from asking, which doesn’t stop her from sighing deeply and saying no – it is not any more strait than it was an hour ago...until last night – when she said that it did look more strait – only it wasn’t - and even though I know it was not more strait last night at 11pm than it was when I asked at 9:12pm, the suggestion that there just might be no bend in my arm caused the last bit of logic I had to scuttle away as I was left wondering if perhaps my arms might extend fully, prompting me to check not 1 billion times - but 2 billion times...

hell has frozen over

2008-12-10T22:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday it was 76 degrees - today, it snowed.

Our roof is currently shining bright white, this is an odd sight for us - partially because our shingles are in fact brown, not white - partially because I can count on one hand the amount of times it has snowed here, but more than anything its an odd sight because we have the only white roof on the block -Now it is possible all the snowflakes traveled to our roof because they simply like us better, but the more realistic possibility is that all the other roofs on the block belong to houses that have heaters blowing hot air, while our heater insists on blowing cold air.

The novelty of it all was quite endearing - we took too-dark-to-see-anything photos, caught a snowflake or two on our tongues and launched an arsenal of snowballs at our unsuspecting eldest child - fun was had by all - until reality set in...we don't own warm hats, toasty gloves or coats that are suitable for sustaining sub 50 degree temperatures for more than 15 minutes, I do own a scarf, and it is not coming off my neck until Sunday, when it is reported to get back up to the mid 70's !

ice and relativity

2008-12-05T22:19:00.000-08:00

Our house is old, very, very old - as are the windows...the insulation is non-existent, the chill is never ending. Outside it is freezing, and so it is inside as well. I am sitting under the heating vent with the cold air falling down on me, yes - COLD air. Our heater blows cold air, yet we keep in on because the cold air coming from the heater is still warmer than the cold air seeping through the very very old windows. The bedrooms in the house are even more cold than the common rooms, so tonight I am charged with staying up while the tiny space heater removes an even tinier fraction of the chill from the children's rooms. Everyone is sleeping peacefully in their warm beds under their (three) extra warm comforters, I have an instinctual need to scream "NOT FAIR", but it will have to wait until spring when my vocal chords have defrosted.

I am aware that most of the world gets much colder then it does here in Texas, but in my own defense, really - it's all relative

will the tears ever end

2008-09-27T19:16:00.000-07:00

on day 15 at 8:15pm we came home to every light in the house on...ON!!!!! After pluging in every electricity consuming product the crying and hot baths commenced!

thanks to the left - day 13

2008-09-25T21:55:00.001-07:00

Two blocks from my house there is a pole that snapped in half, the upper portion lay on the sidewalk, the transformer is busted into a dozen pieces, some in the street some not, and blocks of power line are sprawled around the ground. Across the street from me is a long row of houses with their porch lights on - the street is still dimly lit as most of the street lights did not survive ike - to the left of me, on my side of the street is another row of porch lights, on my porch there is me, with a flashlight perched between my neck and cheek trying to get some schoolwork done, inside my wife is writting a paper by lantern light. It just so happens that the snapped pole two blocks from my house is the supplier of my electricity, it also just so happens that my house is the cutoff point. We, and about 4 other houses are the only ones ok the block without power, our estimated day is Sunday , but word is it could be longer. Things have improved, even though there is not an active power line connected to our house, there are 2 long extension cords coming from the left. We are now the proud owners of a powered fridge and 2 much needed fans. From time to time you might also spot a charging iPod or MacBook pro. There is still no cable or Internet on my block, but there is the occassional hot shower thanks to the left. Unfortunately shower time has moved to 6pm. Since there is no Internet Amy and I have begun alternating days spent at the public library studying - which is no place for our beloved monster child - so our time together is fewer and our hot shower chances are more seldom, but the kids are clean, so..whatever. I have been imagining our entire family cramped around our 5" black and white battery operated tv all week watching the presidential debate Friday, that has been the light at the end of my tunnel, I don't have much faith we will have power by then and so badly need something to look forward to, with that possibly being cancelled I mayl owe everyone a blanket apology for my bitterness from now until two blocks down there is an errect pole with a transformer in one piece and lines tightly buckled down to it...

day 11

2008-09-23T19:05:00.000-07:00

We are on day 11 without power. According to the energy company we should of had power no later than this coming Thursday , I thought that was unreasonable until today when it was moved to this coming Sunday . We could get power before then, but with no trucks in sight it looks doubtful. I know there are worse things, really,I do... But that is little consolation... I want a hot shower, I want to cook a meal inside the house, I want to get dressed for work without a flashlight... I want CNN!!! My mood is poor. I fear my children are melting as they sleep. I am a little bitter that my wife is not as bitter as I am, she is better in these situations- she is better in almost all situations than I am. I am resisting the urge to cry as I try to build up the strength to take another ice cold shower in the dark and study by flashlight. Bleh!

10 days of us

2008-09-11T23:56:00.000-07:00

Tuesday...
Pi: I dont feel well

Me: That sucks

Wednesday...
Pi: I still dont feel well

Amy: Lets go to the Doctor

Doctor: Its just allergies, your fine

Me: Cool

Thursday:
News: Theres a hurricane coming, run, hide, panic

Me: that sucks, I think my allergies are acting up

Friday...
Me: I dont feel well

Amy: Sorry

News: Hurricane is going to Corpus, dont panic

Saturday...
Me: I really dont feel well

Amy: damn, the baby has 102 fever

Me: but I really really dont feel well

Amy: Damn, Damn

News: Hurricane is going to Mexico

Sunday:
Me: I cant lift my head, I dont feel well

Amy: The baby is sick

Me: Lets go buy our new Mac Book Pro

Amy: You are sick, the baby is sick, I dont feel well

Me: If we leave now, we can be back in time for the football games

Amy: damn

News: Hurricane is going to Corpus

Monday:
Me: My new Mac Book Pro rocks, I think I have Bronchitus or Pnuemonia

Amy: I made you a Doctor appointment

Doctor: You have bronchitus on the verge of pnuemonia - take these meds

Me: that sucks

Pi: I feel great

Baby: I feel better

Amy: I dont feel so great

News: Hurricane is coming somewhere to the Gulf Coast

Tuesday:
Me: cant work, cant clean, cant cook, cant take care of re-sick baby or sick wife, must rest

Amy: damn, that sucks

News: Large hurricane is going to Matagorda Bay

Mom: I am under evacuation

Me: whatever, I'm sick, come to my house

Wednesday:
Me: I cant work another minute, too sick, coming home, not going to help with anything

Amy: You suck, I dont feel well

News: Hurricane may go to houston

Mom: I am still under evacuation

Me: Come to my house, Its been here 100 years, fyi I cant breath

Amy: I dont have time for a hurricane, damn

Thursday:
Me: I feel a little better

Amy: I am taking the baby to her 1 year checkup

Doctor: She has allergies, she is not sick...oh, and she is tall

Boss: Hurricane is coming, big, leave now and dont come back until monday

Me: score

Amy: score, you can run pre-hurricane errands with me

Mom: I am here, the hurricanes coming

Kids: We dont have school tomorrow!!!

Me: Grocery store sucks

Amy: gas station sucks

Me: Pet store sucks

Amy: Emergency preparedness sucks

Me: Coffee shop not so sucky

Me: More emergency preparedness is sucky sucky

Amy: worst case scenario planning sucks

Me: Must wake up early, much to do

Amy: Must stay up late, test due

News: Hurricane may go over your house, but may not be as bad as previously stated, but panic anyway

Baby: sleeping

Pi: sleeping

BT: sleeping

Mom: sleeping

Moms dogs: sleeping

Our dog: sleeping

Me: this sucks

Amy: damn damn damn

melancholy

2008-09-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

Tonight is one of my designated study nights. Quiet room, soft lighting, no cleaning, no cooking, no distractions, no responsibilities. I need this night...I am already behind, so so behind. But I am also a woman obsessed. I have a deep obsession with current events. I read the paper (more accurately several papers)several times a day. If more than a few hours goes by without being able to peak at a headline I suffer deep withdraws, very very deep.

My obsession with politics runs even deeper. Election day is one of my favorite holidays. Good political banter can make me giddy with joy, I am not a giddy person.

Tonight I watched the RNC. The most intellectual recap I can offer...sad, so very very.

details...

2008-08-25T21:06:00.001-07:00

...coming soon

some things just get bigger with time

2008-08-25T20:53:00.000-07:00

There was a pop, an ever so slight one. There was ignoring, it wasn't that difficult to ignore. The occasional pain was felt, nothing too dramatic, definitely not a pain worth mentioning. Then there was the odd sensation that two parts of skin that shouldn't touch, were touching. A glance down revealed a swelling. Although I remember the pop quite well, I certainly don't remember it being worthy of swelling. Now the ignoring is getting more difficult, as the occasional pain has turned into a constant annoyance and a less than occasional pain. The was a decrease in swelling at night, now there is not...now, I have one good ankle - and one not-so-good kankle.

bad photos, little to say

2008-08-05T21:43:00.000-07:00

Instead of writing, I have been avoiding. In my avoidence I have been clicking away taking one bad photo after another with my trusty iPhone. The words will be minimul, the photos will be less than great quality - I will return with more words and photos of not so less than great quality when I am done avoiding.

Kahlo has begun climbing up the couch - this entire process takes less than 2 seconds - which also happens to be less than the amount of time it takes for me to whirl around and catch her...I am proud to report there have been no falls yet, largely due to the fact she refuses to come off of the couch by herself - as a side note: I did not mean to make these photos are so darn small...

Pi has taken to commodering my phone and taking many many many blury pics of his little sister, consequently I have taken to deleting many many blury pics of his baby sister...

Pi playing with Kahlo, hiding under her high chair.

Kahlo learned to clap this week - here she is clapping that she has found a new favorite hiding place - the bathroom closet...

Kahlo not screaming in the car note: the car was not moving.

Kahlo being cute in pigtails. Note: It has been brought to our attention that she is "shooting the finger" I think this is not intentional.

Amy's birthday morning. Kahlo and her new love of straws.

Kahlo continuing her love for straws

My birthday, complete with 33 reasons why Amy and the kids love me. One of my favorites "You have really cool hair" Love runs deep.

love, more and less

2008-07-14T21:14:00.001-07:00

I love my children...LOVE them. They bring joy and happiness to me in a way I never imagined before them. They make me smile. They give my life a purpose. They have given me insight that without them I would never have. Insight such as, I suck at Dance Dance Revolution, something I didnt know until Saturday evening. Or insight into the fact that just because you can hit an actual baseball does not mean you can hit a Wii baseball, something that I have known since last Christmas. They have devouted hours of their time cluing me in on what books an almost 13 year old girl must have and the importance of baseball cards. Through my children I have learned that I love my children more than I love coffee in the morning, something I not only cherish, but require for survival.

Admittedly, if I was actually faced with giving up coffee in the morning for my children I would be bitter, very very bitter.

I would also give up coffee in the morning for my wife, however I would not be bitter. The reason is simple. I love her more. And the reasons why I love her more are simple as well...

1. She never wakes me up in the middle of the night screaming for a bottle.
2. She couldnt beat me at Dance Dance Revolution if she tried.
3. Her kisses do not consist of slimy bites to the cheek.
4. She is not teething.
5. She does not love love love the color purple and therefor have to point out everything purple.
6. She doesnt show she is disgruntled by continuously stating "uhhhhaaaaa"
7. She doesnt talk about sports for hours and hours and hours and make me look at every single baseball card ever made.
8. She can summarize a move in less time than it takes to watch the movie.
9. She does not ask whats for dinner 7 times in 30 minutes and still not know the answer.
10. She knows that when I was a little girl the automobile AND color tv had already been invented.

Defiance

2008-06-19T06:51:00.000-07:00

I don't surf the web at work, I don't catch up on my fav blogs or post make posts to my blog. From time to time Amy checks during the day... There is never anything new... The only thing I do at work is work... I work for "the man" and that's how he requires our day be spent - working. Today I had to come in early, something that generally leaves me bitter...so today, I am celebrating my bitterness with defiance ... In the most defiant stance my sleepy self can muster I am sitting hidden behind my monitor typing away via my iPhone..to you, my love (and anyone else reading) I say damn the man... Here is your at work post...

To the man I say- I fully expect to get paid for my time well spent not working

To my boss that just walked in with a puzzled look...uh...hmmm...hi?

blink blink blink

2008-06-17T19:39:00.000-07:00

The baby is asleep, the dog is in bed, the kids are gone for the month and the wife is working out at the gym...and I am sitting here in bed with the laptop. No tv, no music, no lights just the blink blink blink of the curser. I have been away from blogland too long...I am cursing the curser for blinking, for not typing my thoughts as I think them. I am cursing my mind for not thinking thoughts. I have been in bed with a cold for a week. A horrible, mean cold that refused to leave. Now I sit, with undone tasks waiting for me, many of the tasks not even started. blink blink blink. Toys for the baby that need to be sanded...paintings that need to be painted...stories that need to be written...pictures that need to be taken, phone calls that need to be made...blink blink blink...

I am blaming this lack of posting post on being sick...Not much goes on during a week of no energy, of exploding head, of overwhelming congestion... other than the occasional "I think I'm dying" I have had no thoughts, no actions, no situations...no blog worthy stories...

tomorrow, dear blog - I will be better...tonight, blink, blink, blink

Sick

2008-06-10T21:01:00.001-07:00

Very, very.

Overdue thought

2008-06-08T21:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Wife,

I would like to apologize for the fact that sometimes I'm an ass. The only thing I can offer as a condolence to this fact is that sometimes, I am not.

always striving,
your wife.

Refusal

2008-06-07T20:28:00.000-07:00

She feeds herself via her baby safe feeder. She chews on baby mum-mums. She drinks out of her sippy cup when she wants water. She tries to steel the spoon so she can feed herself babyfood.

She puts her arms behind her head and refuses to hold her bottle. Always.

A letter to Kahlo

2008-06-06T21:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Kahlo,

I understand that Mommy is your other parent and as such, you two are extremely close. I understand that she stays home with you everyday while I leave for work. I understand that she changes your diaper more often than I do and that she feeds you, burps you and cuddles with you when ever you need. I understand that Mommy gives you baths and cuts your nails and lets your beautiful curls go wild. I understand that when you wake up at 5am Mommy is always right there to swoop you up. I understand that without mommy I would not have had the love and nurturing required to grow you 10 extra days and a very heavy 8lbs 7oz. I understand that every morning that you were in my belly, she told you she loved you and took the time to explain in what ways you should and should not develop that week. I understand that she has given you her stubborness and independence and that no one can capture the essence of who you are quite like she. I understand your bond, I love your bond.

I understand that Poppie came to see you while you were in my tummy as much as she could. I understand that she bought you the cute little Ani onsie that you looked so damn cute in. I understand that she (her wife also) is the only non immediate family member who saw you when you were minutes old, I understand she loved you instantly. I understand that she took care of your brother and sister so Mommy and I could take care of you the days following your birth. I understand that Poppie was the first person to ever babysit you and that she often offered her services unsolicited. I even understand that you and her share the same eye color...a special bond. I understand your bond, I love your bond.

While I do sincerely understand and respect all of these things, I need you to understand that I too would like to hear your first word.

so...when ever you are ready, I will be walking around the house all weekend dropping everything I can find in anticipation of "uh oh" ...

I love you always, beautiful baby,
Momma

the love between mother and child

2008-06-05T21:41:00.000-07:00

My wife does not collect things, she does not hoard stuff. She has no knick-knacks, no must haves. She subscribes to the theory if you have not used something in the last 2 weeks, you do not need it She donates often. when a new toy comes in - an old toy goes out, when a new shirt comes in - an old shirt goes out. She is a minimalist - we are all minimalist by association.

There is a lone exception to this rule...books. Books are to be kept, loved, admired, respected, read and re-read.

Once, while browsing her books, she noticed one was missing. she looked everywhere. She searched. She hunted. She thought and thought. when all possible hiding places were exhausted, she cried. The missing book, was one of her top 20 favorite books. She was sad, very, very sad. And on top of sadness, she was disappointed...how could she have been so careless with a book...

She is not selfish with her books. They are there for all of us to read (as long as they are age appropriate). There are a few rules, no bending the spine back, please dont dog-ear the pages.

Yesterday Kahlo crawled over to the bookcase and pulled out a few books. She began to eat them. I expected Amy to yell no. I expected her to remove Kahlo from the situation. I expected her to cry a little. She didn't.

Instead of being protective she was actually pleased Kahlo had pulled out her favorite book. They were bonded...mommy and daughter had a love for the same literature. They pulled each and every book of the shelf, Amy oohed and aahed all her favorites, Kahlo drooled and bit. It was a beautiful site.

proof of unconditional love.

KahloWorld

2008-06-04T20:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight, we decided to rent a movie and eat in front of the TV. By the time we were 11 minutes into the movie, we had already paused it three times.

It was one of those nights you realize life will never be the same. It wasn't a bad night - it was more of a ... "seriously? did she really just get poop ALL over herself and then decide to PEE ON ME!!!! " the answer - why yes she did.

Our 1.5 hour movie lasted about 3 hours. Three hours of pee, poop, bottle, squash, fussy, laughing,babbababababa and finally, with four minutes left...sleep!

a relaxing night watching a movie has turned into a full-blown-amusement-park-style-free-for-all-celebration-of-parenting... not what I had in mind - but fun just the same!!!

Kahlo + UglyDoll

2008-06-04T20:23:00.000-07:00

domestication

2008-06-03T21:30:00.000-07:00

A few moments ago I received this photo via e-mail from a friend of mine that had come over this past weekend. I fell in love with instantly! On this particular day, our friend had come over to talk photography with Amy. I spent most of the time removing the old kitchen faucet and installing a new one. Minutes before this photo a string of curse words effortlessly erupted from my face as I realized that I had not turned the water off, I had only turned the COLD water off.

Now, it is worth mentioning that our house is never this dirty. It is even more worth mentioning that Amy is a cleaning fanatic. To Amy, our house is filthy, to the world it sparkles. A pair of shoes in the living room can make her feel slightly insane, a dish in the sink can throw her over the edge. I have a routine with the kids on cleaning day...

"mommies going to clean, what are you going to do?"
them:"hide"
me:"yes, and if she asks for help, what are you going to do?"
them: "help"
me:"if she does not ask for help, what are you going to do?"
them:"hide"

now, in all fairness, I taught them this response. I find it funny. The kids and I laugh all day, Amy does not. Another note of fairness, she never forces us to clean, she is not irrational, she just requires sanitization.

back to the photo
I was struck by how filthy our house looks, how submissive Amy looks, how stern Kahlo looks. Its a stark contrast between our usually sparkling house, between Amy's fiercely independent personality, between our smiling baby.

I was shocked, that somehow I relate to this photo... this is not who we are, but it is who we are at times...

nap time

2008-06-03T21:26:00.000-07:00

Changes

2008-06-02T20:45:00.001-07:00

Our lives have changed drastically in the past year. Some changes were anticipated, some not. Some changes were small, others felt huge. We increased our family by one last August with the birth of Kahlo, we also decreased our income by one. Last summer before the birth of our daughter, Amy lost a parent. In the past year I lost a friend, not to tragedy, to a more fulfilled life for myself. This past year, Amy went back to school for the first time in many years – and I learned what it was like to be in school with a baby. I went from a very low-key and very far away job, to a not so low-key and very close job. Amy quit a high-stress, demanding job that kept her in touch with the world, on her lunch breaks she often went to the park and read. Now she is a stay at home mommy reading cardboard books and watching the kids play at the park while she feeds our ever hungry baby. Our son learned what it meant to be an older brother, our oldest daughter learned how to rebel. Amy and I learned how to exist on no sleep and a lot of stress. Kahlo learned how to sit, to crawl and to stand. We have gained weight, we have joined a gym, Amy has gone to the gym, I have thought about it. Our relationship has hit peaks and valleys, usually associated with the increase in stress and decrease in sleep. We slept with a baby in our room for 8 months. We reclaimed our room with passion a few weeks ago. I have been pregnant, hormonal, swollen and inpatient. Amy has been confused by my mood, over-worked and highly depended on. I have lost my art and am currently trying to find it. We are trying to eat better, to live more responsibly, to make our children aware of the world around them. For the past year, I have been happier than I ever have been in my life, yet I have also felt I was fighting a losing battle. A battle of sleep, stress and hormones. Lately, things have been changing. Kahlo sleeps through the night (mostly), Amy and I have re-found one another, I am settling into my new job and the older kids have settled in to their place in our newly enlarged family. Our life is still to some degree in chaos. The details are all running smooth – but after a year of so little time, so little sleep and so much change, Amy and I find ourselves with minds that wont stop, with list after list of things we want to do…with each other, with ourselves and with our children. All of these things are part of why we each decided to write a blog. To keep up with all of the wonderful things in our lives and to have an outlet to express all of the inner ramblings of our minds. With everything that daily life demands, our blog has gone to the back of the day to day to-do list. Last night, we made a promise to one another that we would make one post a day for the next 30 days. Here is mine. Post 1. I have no clue what I will post about daily. I ask that you keep in mind I am a visual artist – not a writer.