E.L. Love

complicated

2009-11-14T02:00:00.006-06:00

"Don't tell me, you and Bridget broke up?" Nick was so sure Ravi had bad news by the look on his face. There would go the blind date thing for Eric.

"No, that's going great. Its my classes." He was somber about that. "What am I doing wrong?"

They were in the Student Union building getting hot chocolate.

"Possibly, hanging out with Bridget too much." Nick grinned.

"You're saying, I'll have to break up with her?" Ravi winced.

"No." Nick squinted back with a smile. "You'll just have to figure out how to balance it more."

"I dunno." He shook his head.

"Less LARPing." Nick shrugged.

"Oh that," Ravi shook his head. "Seems her ex kills me every chance he gets."

"Does that scare you?" Nick looked at him seriously. "I know its just a game, but some people go a little crazy."

"I don't care." Ravi was indifferent.

"Well, you guys do more than just LARP, don't you?"

"She likes to pole dance."

Nick thought he might fall under the table, he was laughing so hard. "Wow, you're kidding, aren't you?"

"Um, she actually has one in her dorm room." Ravi looked at him seriously.

"You can have stuff like that in your dorm?" Nick had never heard of such before. It was shocking. "A LARPING pole dancer, you can't get more complicated than that, Ravi."

so it goes

2009-11-13T01:09:00.003-06:00

"You never said how Homecoming went?" Roger asked Kyle on his cell while he was waiting for class to let out. He'd hung out at the Student Union as long as he could. He'd bundled up good to make his way across the cold windy campus.

"It came and went." Kyle was so somber.

"You did take Kelsy, didn't you?"

"It would have been hell to pay, other wise. It just wasn't an all night-er or anything. We were well behaved. My Mom stayed with Rosie. You know, nothing new." Kyle told him.

"I guess Amanda's OK?"

"We don't talk much," Kyle said. "But uh, you know, she's busy with classes and a wedding to plan."

"Are you invited?" Roger wanted to know.

"No, are you kidding. Sounds like just his parents and maybe her Dad are the only ones. Its like this parlor wedding. She's not even getting married in the Catholic church."

"Wow, her family is this huge Irish Catholic thing, aren't they?"

"She used to sing in choir and stuff. Probably, my fault, you know, she's no longer a practicing Catholic." Kyle sounded quite himself.

"Well, she's getting married. Maybe it'll work out." Roger tried to be hopeful.

"Yeah, maybe you're right."

"So listen, you guys want to come to, dinner Sunday night?" Roger thought the more the merrier this time of year.

"Is it something special?" Kyle wanted to know.

"Not really, Nick asked Eric over and well, I just thought, the more people we had, the less time I had to spend with him." Roger explained.

"All right, we'll come. Just as long as you haven't invited Amanda and Elliot, that would be a little much." Kyle agreed.

Roger just smiled. Maybe they should think about crashing Amanda's wedding.

another world

2009-11-12T02:46:00.005-06:00

Ellie couldn't decide if it were just allergies or something to be concerned about. She took more over the counter cold meds and waited for sleep to set in while Lon took Charlie to daycare. Everyone had left, but Olivia.

"Why are you here?" Ellie saw her pacing, downstairs.

"Its nothing." She was hugging herself as if something was bothering her. Ellie couldn't imagine what.

"Come on, you can tell me," Ellie looked at her out of concern. "You know, you want to."

Olivia nodded. They sat down on the couch in the living-room.

"I have to tell Roger about Ian, but I don't want to." She wouldn't look Ellie in the eye.

"Ian?" Ellie winced. "Eric's brother?" She smiled.

"Yes, we sort of have something - I guess - online, but I broke it off. I did. Completely." Olivia bit her bottom lip.

"OK." Maybe it was the meds or something, Ellie wasn't quite getting the picture. "So what happened?"

"I lead him on, sort of. It was...stupid." Her frown was small but she was serious, just the same. "I, I have a problem with Internet relationships." She started to cry. "I used to think it was all right, you know, I wasn't going to do anything physical with anyone. And you know, I was proud of myself, I was a virgin and well, a virgin wouldn't of done any of that, actually."

"What did you do?"

"Well, it was a long time ago." Olivia squinted more tears. "I met this person in a chat room. I mean, I was like eleven. Almost 12. I...I met him in a chatroom. Alone. I guess that's when this all started, perhaps. It was like I was communicating without anyone questioning me, 'what did you say?'..'I didn't get a word of that'. I know my lisp or whatever, can annoy anyone." Olivia shook her head. "It might has well have been porn, after awhile. And I felt I had to do it."

Ellie looked at her startled. Ellie wanted to say something like, you could have just x out of the chat and got off line, but she didn't.

"Well, we all get sucked in, especially when the Internet was new. I mean, I remember my first real e-mail pal. He was this Canadian actor that I had written to after watching him in this indie film. And we some how struck up this e-mail thing for awhile. Eventually, I figured out he was gay, and he always said I sounded like the perfect gay guy for him. So, you know, it was waste of time. That's what it was." Ellie told her.

"But I should have known better. Back then. Even now, with Ian. I didn't think I was that big of an influence. I was just trying to be nice, you know. Next thing I know, he's telling me he loves me. What's Roger going to think of me?"

"Well, the truth hurts," Ellie said. "But you know, he'd want to know. He's just going to have to be grown up about it. Remind him, all right?"

"OK." Olivia nodded. "Its like another world, you know." She squinted more tears. "I'm an awful person. I really am. I dunno if I can even fix it."

"Well, there are worse things." Ellie nodded. "Just can't let it eat away at you."

can you hear me now

2009-11-11T01:33:00.006-06:00

"Can you do something for me?" Eric wasn't sure he liked the tone in Ian's voice when he called him. It was desperate.

"Like what?" Eric always got along with his little brother. He'd hate to spoil it now. He turned off the TV with the remote and scratched Black Cat's head who was stretched out across his chest as Eric laid on his futon.

"Olivia's being difficult."

"Olivia? What the fuck are you going on about?" Eric set up and Black Cat took off then toward the kitchen.

"She likes me, you know," Ian told him. "A lot."

"How so?" Eric scowled. "When have you seen her?"

"We talk on the phone. We text. You know, chat online. And she stopped. Just like that. I don't know why. I think Roger's done something to her." Ian told him.

"Ian, what is going on?" Eric winced.

"Its nothing physical, you know."

"Shit, what have you done?"

"I didn't do anything." Ian told him.

Eric pushed his fingers back through his hair. He thought how it used to be with he and Olivia. It was so romantic. The notes. The letters, chatting, texting. It could all be so emotional. It had left him a wreck. Wondering if that's what kept them together or apart.

"Ian, you have to think about something else to do. Like, didn't you make airplane models. You use to put them together, right?" Eric reminded him.

"So, I was a little kid then. I'm not so little, anymore." Ian explained.

"You have to let Olivia go," Eric said. "You know, there might be someone right there who needs your attention. Right under your nose."

"There is nobody like Olivia," Ian said.

"Yeah, I know, but she's with someone. She has a boyfriend, and you have to let her be with her boyfriend. How would you feel if you were her boyfriend and Roger was doing what you're doing?"

"It would suck if I knew."

"I guess you have your answer then." Eric told him. "Look, next phone call I want you tell me you've at least said hello to one girl face to face."

"What about you?"

"All right, I'll tell you how this dinner goes at Olivia's. I'm suppose to be fixed up with someone." Eric shrugged.

"Like a blind date?"

"Sort of." Just the thought of the dinner was making Eric nervous.

Its like this

2009-11-10T01:22:00.005-06:00

Olivia hadn't ended it with Ian, exactly. Not exactly like she imagine. He always seemed to have a loop hole of some kind. And well, he'd text something. Make her smile. She'd text back and before she knew it, she spent her day waiting to hear from him.

She knew she was a horrible person. What would Roger think? What was worse, the guilt she felt about being with Roger. She hated the idea of what Ian might think.

There was the recurring dream of Ian finding her in bed with Roger and deciding he'd stab her instead of Roger. Right in the heart. She didn't sleep well at night.

"I think I need a new phone number." Olivia decided one evening while they were out at the grocery store after he got off his shift. She picked up a pink blackberry that was on sale with some sort of pay as you go plan that also gave a percentage of the sale to the Breast Cancer Awareness.

"Are you sure?" Roger winced.

"I always wanted a blackberry." She picked up the box. "A pink one, actually."

"Are you saying you want an early Christmas present?" He smiled taking the box from her. "I'm not sure about these. I guess you activate it yourself. Its not really pay as you. You have to pick a plan on the back. Are you giving up your laptop, then?"

"No," she winced taking the box from him to read more. She just needed something to get away from Ian, but it wasn't as easy as she hoped it would be.

a possibility

2009-11-09T01:03:00.004-06:00

"What would you do?" Heath wasn't feeling well after the flu shot. He took some Tylenol and laid down.

Nick felt his forehead. Really, he felt fine, but Heath swore his throat was scratchy.

"What, you don't want them to know about me?" Nick smiled.

"Do I just priss around hoping they get the hint?" Heath winced. "I don't know how they'd react. Honestly, its none of their business."

"So keep it that way," Nick said. "Its just student teaching. You are there to teach and that's what you'll do."

Heath turned away from Nick then. Nick rubbed his shoulders.

"I bet you were great today." Nick got next to him then.

"Yeah, I felt so Kelsy Grammar, you know. Like I actually knew what I was talking about and had a passion for it. Just don't know if its enough."

"You base your teaching technique on Frazier?" Nick laughed, hugging him close.

"I loved that show."

Nick felt Heath's body shake with laughter. Maybe Heath enjoyed teaching more than he let on.

down the rabbit hole

2009-11-08T01:45:00.006-06:00

It felt like show time for the big boys. Something like that, Heath sensed.

Luckily, he felt all right in front of the classroom. It was just English. Of course, it was drama he wanted, as in teaching, not dealing with. He could help out at the theater. There wasn't exactly student teaching in drama other than hands on activities at the moment. But this was his one man show for four hours. Same subjects. Same activities. By that third hour, he felt as if he were getting the hang of it. So animated and full of harsh looks. The serious teacher type. And yet he felt right in stride. Handing out papers. Asking people for answers. Making sure everyone understood the directions. But he could have used a cigarette to take the edge off. Of course, he didn't. He'd promised he wouldn't. There was no where to smoke, anyway. The teacher's lounge was smoke free. Actually, he never thought he'd make it to the teacher's lounge. And when he did. The nurse was there. Giving flu shots.

Was this just a bad dream? He'd thought he could take a breather. Sit with some tea. But no, before he knew it, he was rolling up his sleeve and getting one.

"You'll be glad you did." The middle aged woman told him.

And then it was back to class. The last class before lunch. Heath was in a sweat. His arm hurt. It actually did. He whizzed right through most of the material he was suppose to teach. People took vocabulary tests. There was a good ten minutes to spare.

Heath just stared at the clock. What was he suppose to do? He felt himself gasp.

"Well, any questions?" He asked the 9th graders.

"Are you dating anyone?" Some girl smiled behind her thick glasses.

"Well, yes..that's a yes. Yes I am." He felt for sure he was dripping in sweat.

"How long?"

"Couple of months." He winced trying not to give too much away.

"What do you like to do on a date?"

"Uh, dinner, a movie, just boring stuff." Heath tried to grin.

"Do you have a picture of your girlfriend?"

Thankfully, the bell rang. Heath thought he might melt in a puddle.

as the days go by

2009-11-07T03:10:00.007-06:00

Eric's sister had called while he was fixing himself some canned soup. Tomato soup. It was his first meal of the day, and it was growing dark out, just past 6 in the evening.

"What are you doing?" She questioned.

"Masturbating." Wasn't that what she wanted to hear? She said nothing for the longest time. He smiled. "Soups on, what do you think?" She always put him in a soured mood.

"How are things?"

"Just lovely." As if he'd tell. Tell her he had gone to class in his PJs with his coat on and his snow boots. He'd shuffled through the day. Said a word no one until just now. "Everything is dandy."

"Please, you're turning me on, dear brother." She gave him a heavy sigh. "Why can't you tell me, everything is shit. Mum hasn't heard from you in weeks."

"So." He squinted. He watched the red soup bubble. "I've been busy. Its true."

"I bet."

"The cat has put a hex on me, can't even get a date." He told her.

"You're such a crybaby. Always have been."

"And you were born a bitch." He couldn't help but say back. "Look, remember Elliot?"

"Elliot who?" She mocked.

"You know," Eric sighed. "He's getting married. Any chance you could fuck up the wedding?"

His sister just laughed.

"Why? What's in it for you?" Dora chuckled.

"Nothing."

"Has to be something."

"All right, I might have knocked someone up." Eric confessed while pouring his soup in his big black bowl. The bowl he ate all his meals in.

"What?" Now she was awake, on her toes, it seemed. "When did this happen?"

"Over the summer." He blew on his soup. He wasn't really hungry now. He might let it turn cold. "In Italy.'

"You knocked up an Italian girl?"

"No. Someone from back home who was there. It was clearly a mistake." He'd settled on that being the correct answer now. "It seems Amanda is with good old Elliot now. They are engaged."
"And, you, are you sure its yours?" Dora sounded as if it might not be.

"Have I been that lucky yet?" He winced.

"You poor sad little man," she mocked. "Eric, if she's not after you, let her alone. Let her have her own little family. "

"Yeah, of course." He sighed. Honestly, it wasn't that simple. It was still quite a mystery to him that he was no where close to finding the answer too. Soon the phone call ended. His chest hurt so badly as if a cold wind consumed it. He stared at the soup. Somehow, he felt he'd always be in the cold when it came to Amanda.

if this is it

2009-11-06T03:03:00.005-06:00

"Is this like a party?" Ellie was asking. She was holding on to Charlie who had a runny nose. She had one herself.

"Dinner party." Nick reminded her. "Just Sunday dinner. Except at 6, like usual." They always had roast beef or chicken. Something decent to gorge themselves on. With all the fix'ns. Everyone chipped in.

"And you invited Eric?" She guessed she was OK with it.

"I thought Liv would be sad or something, not you. She's fine with it." Nick and Heath were putting a stew together at the moment. A nice warm cozy meal. Heath was making biscuits. He was talking to Charlie who seemed fascinated how he mixed ingredients together.

"Won't he be like the 3rd wheel, or something." Ellie winced. It didn't seem fair to have everyone coupled, but him.

"I'll ask around, OK. Um, I think Bridget's sister might be in. Should I ask if they could come?" Nick looked at her.

"I dunno."

"That Bridget is sex bomb, who would have thunk it?" Roger was peeling potatoes. He edged in on the conversation. "Who knows, her sister could be a prostitute of some kind."

"She's a bio-chem major." Nick glared at Roger as if to shut him up. Ellie just smiled. This dinner might be fun. They'd said Ravi and Bridget were a riot at Halloween.

good as gold

2009-11-05T02:00:00.006-06:00

Elliot knew Amanda didn't like to talk about it, but yeah, something had been going on with them for some time.

True, it started out as perhaps a small gesture. It had turned out big in the long run. Not that he was going to start a blog about it. But, he could smile about it in his own way. It had started with a blow job.

OK, it was kind of funny now when he thought about it. It wasn't like OH MY GOD... GIVE ME YOUR PENIS kind of thing. Maybe she just felt sorry for him. Nothing really happened after he broke up with Ellie. And Amanda had been such a good friend. And they were friends and still friends. She did listen to him. It was like she wanted to hear his problems because she didn't have a problem. Really.

She was still with Kyle. He guessed. But he didn't think she felt all that sexy, anymore. After the baby. And he was just as depressed maybe. Classes were getting to him. He didn't quite have that sexy boy attitude anymore. It was all so lame. Everything.

And she was over and he'd thought about asking her if he could sketch her breasts, but he didn't. After all, she was a friend and well, the breasts were made for breast feeding, he supposed. But she was amazingly sexy after having a baby.

He flat out told her she could get any guy she wanted. He didn't know why he said it. He even asked if that sounded gay, but she said it didn't. And well, they kissed. He'd really wanted her. He did, but she said, no. And really, it hurt his ego so much that she'd said, no. Of course, he couldn't remember if it hurt him emotionally or just the sex part. Maybe it was both. And that's when it happened. He just couldn't talk her into intercourse. So that's all he got. And afterwards, he was very OK about that.

Nobody had ever done that for him before. It was shocking. Well, maybe when someone was drunk or kind of a dare, but usually drunk..did that sort of thing happen. He didn't clearly remember if it were any good, either. This was just something at 2 in the afternoon. Sober and sunshine. Through and through. It sort of changed things for him after that.

He didn't even want to try to date. Really. He had Amanda. Every couple of months. She'd make him feel better. At his place. Maybe he was actually gay. He started to think, but he didn't tell her that. Instead, he was patience and wham. Long time coming, but very well worth it. Just something on side. He guessed for her. And all along he had his schedule of getting through the University. Conversations on the phone with her. It was all so laid back, and it wasn't until last of summer that the sex came. All of it. Uncovered and his way. How could something possibly ruin it now? It was good as gold as far as Elliot was concerned.

about town

2009-11-04T01:55:00.006-06:00

Nick was glad he'd got away with Heath. They'd checked out an acoustic show at a coffeehouse. Everyone had been so frightful on the eve of All Saints day even as the snow came down in the music district side of town. It felt like being in The nightmare before Christmas.

Yes, Nick felt for sure they got the better end of the deal. No drinking for them. They'd found a room nearby, and it had been warm and cozy. He could only hope one day, they'd have a honeymoon in a place just like this. Some place looking over the old market. Actually, he'd be happy with Heath, anywhere.

But still nothing had been consummated in stone as far as their love life went. Well, they were intimate. It wasn't that old fashioned. But Nick didn't ask about the last course of it all. It was sweet, just the same and they'd spent most of the next day looking about shops where they couldn't buy anything, but they could look.

Finally, they came to the old bookstore. Of course, Heath kept Nick to himself. "I can't let that old gay vampire have you." The owner was an irry Boris Karloff type who followed them around as if maybe he did want to suck their blood. It left Nick full of giggles. Heath almost laughed himself as they played hide and seek from him.

They hid in the basement looking at New Wave LPs. Nick was so close to telling Heath that maybe it was time they actually did the thing that he thought would happen the first time he met him. But Nick looked up and saw Eric digging through LP's in the next isle.

"Eric? What are you doing here?" Nick couldn't believe it.

"Uh, I come here, every weekend." He nodded so somber.

"Alone?" That sounded sad.

"Pretty much."

Nick introduced Eric to Heath. They talked about 80's music for the longest time and then ended up asking Eric if he'd had lunch yet. He hadn't. So they went to the French pastry shop for quiche.

"I didn't even know you lived around here?" Nick wondered if Olivia knew.

"I'm just, you know, living cheap, solo, whatever." Eric didn't seem exactly like his old self.

"Did something happen?" Heath even noticed the odd sadness.

"Eric dated Olivia forever," Nick said, wishing he hadn't spoke.

"And now she's happy." Eric gave a fake smile.

"Things with Roger aren't perfect." Heath verified. "I think its more babysitting than anything, at times."

"Well, nothing can be perfect." Eric shrugged as if he had moved on. And that's when he told them about Amanda.

Nick just listened. It was as if Eric wanted to know what he should do.

"Maybe she really loves Elliot and, you know, I should just let it go." Eric couldn't eat. He sound so woeful.

"Well, if its your kid, you know, you have your rights." Nick reminded him.

"Yeah, child support." He didn't even have a job at the moment.

"You just have to think of the bright side in all this." Heath encouraged. "You'll have to wait it out."

Eric nodded.

"Look, come over sometime." Nick gave Eric a pat on the back. "Next Sunday, have supper with us. At the house."

Eric shook his head, no.

"I'm sure Roger will be just fine."

"Yeah, Liv will crack that whip. Roger will not be a problem." Heath chuckled and Nick had to laugh too.

more after stuff

2009-11-03T01:15:00.005-06:00

Olivia would make Roger do the dirty work. He winced in pain doing his best to get Ravi and Bridget out of the house before Lon and Ellie came home. He jerked the sheets off the bed. Roger definitely wasn't going to tell them that Ravi and Bridget were even there.

"Do you think they had sex?" Olivia was right behind him. He almost jumped.

"Not a word of this to Ellie. It'll be just fine. Can you just-just let me sleep." He pushed the sheets toward her, but she wouldn't take them.

"No," she shook her head. "You should stay awake and do laundry." She gave him a glare.

"I think I'm getting sick." He squinted hard. He thought he might throw up.

"Sure you are. Put those on to wash first." She had more sheets. She went to work to remaking the bed. They were flannel sheets, anyway.

"What are you doing that for?" Roger yawned.

"Because its freezing out. If you haven't noticed. You haven't even turned on the furnace." She was being bossy. He gave her a look that it was not that cold.

"What do you want me to do?" He finally shrugged.

"Nothing, let Lon handle it. He knows a lot more about heating and air conditioning than you do," Olivia said.

"Well, thanks." He went to the basement then with the sheets to wash.

before winter sets in

2009-11-02T01:07:00.006-06:00

Ellie was pretty tired from staying with Olivia's Aunt. Naturally, Lon had been busy with all the chores around. Sometimes, she didn't think she knew him at all. Part of her felt he was going above the call of duty on this old house.

And she was put on the spot with Olivia's Aunt. 20 questions about why wasn't she married to him. She had his kid, didn't she? Ellie didn't even feel like explaining after while. She just wanted to catch up with Lon.

"But I love this old house." He grinned.

"What are you talking about?" She winced. There was Charlie to worry about. They stayed upstairs in Olivia's room. It was a big room with a bay window along with a seat.

"Maybe we could just move in." He looked around as if he'd take the room in a second.

"What do you mean?" She winced. "We'd live upstairs and she'd live downstairs?"

"Maybe. Sounds like a great idea. We could put in a stairwell outside the house. Put in a kitchen up here. Have the washer and dryer in the bathroom."

Ellie could tell he was working it out all in his head as he told her this.

"That sounds like a huge undertaking." She stared at him while she was holding Charlie on her hip.

"I know it does, but it would help the property value so much." He was happy when he spoke of it. "We have to find something on our own. I don't want to raise Charlie in an apartment. I want my own house."

"I know you do, but can't you wait until summer?" The yard was snow covered.

"The sooner the better, you know, I don't want any trouble with Roger." He took Charlie from her.

It was at that moment, Ellie really wondered what was she doing with Lon. Was this just her avoiding her education or did she really want this to happen? The three of them on their own. She felt a chill then. Really, it was a drafty old place. It needed new windows too.

a blast of some sort

2009-11-01T01:56:00.007-05:00

Olivia woke up to her laptop sending her a message. She had Roger wrapped around her waist, clinging to her like a life line of some kind. He reeked of soured alcohol.

She'd drank a little, but not like he nor Ravi and Bridget had. They had had a strip tease. As she recalled. They'd listen to some mix of Ravi's with the Sugarcubes which was so club-like. Naturally, Bridget was the first to start with the strip-tease and it kind of went down hill from there. Olivia had gone back to her room to chat with Ian. She looked back at the screen now and saw her drunken words strung across the screen. She wasn't sure if they call this sex-texting or what. It was very suggestive.

She winced, disgusted with herself and yet, who had she had sex with when he found her? Finally, at four in the morning. Roger. She X-ed out of everything and closed her laptop. Really, she needed to not start anything with Ian. That would be wrong. So wrong. But it was just words. Words that no one would even have to know about. Just the two of them. Wasn't like they'd gotten a room somewhere and actually done anything. But still, she hoped she hadn't started anything with Ian. She hadn't meant to.

Slowly, she unwrapped Roger off of her and saw that he was drooling and had such a rancid breath. She scowled with a shiver and went on her way to see what other deplorable things she might find about. She pulled on her thick warm robe. The place was ice cold.

She passed by Ellie and Lon's room. The door was open, and there Ravi and Bridget were in the buff. Olivia hugged herself. She needed coffee before she got up the nerve to tell them to go home. She went downstairs and noticed the patio door was wide open. It had snowed. Still snowing too. It was so startling white and freezing cold.

Olivia stood there shivering, bare footed. Next she noticed a squirrel just staring at her ever so carefully on the dining-room floor.

"OH NO YOU DON'T." She stomped her foot, giving the varmint an angry look. The squirrel scatted out the patio door. Olivia quickly shut the glass and locked it. Thank God, nothing was stolen. There were every-one's clothes scattered about.

She went to the kitchen to make coffee. She heard her cell go off. It was on the counter which surprised her. Olivia thought it was on her dresser.

"Are you all right?" It was Ian.

"Yes, I'm fine." She said so coldly.

"I thought something had happened." He told her. "You didn't get back to me."

"I needed sleep," she said. "Did you get any?"

"Not really, but that's OK." It sounded like a promise.

"Look, I'll text you or something later, OK?" She wasn't sure how to handle this.

"When?"

"Tonight. You need some sleep. I'm really all right." She told him.

"I love you." His words were so genuine.

"Don't say that." She winced.

"But its true."

"You just think you do." She clicked off then. She sighed, noticing there was a pot of coffee waiting for her.

it could get frightful

2009-10-31T02:46:00.007-05:00

The fridgid air of winter was closing in. Really, Heath wasn't sure why they went to the haunted house with Roger and Olivia. Ravi came along too with a new girl named Bridget that he had met at LARP.

"You won't make me LARP, will you?" Heath huddled with Nick in the truck.

"No. I don't LARP." Nick winced as if how could Heath even think it.

"Thank God." He saw his breath in the air. "You know this is 20 bucks for what, twenty minutes of fright. Maybe?"

"Yeah, I know." Nick looked to see Roger and Olivia walking toward his truck.

"20 bucks I don't have." Heath had it, but he didn't want to spare it.

"I got it." Nick looked at him.

"I'd rather stay in the truck and makeout." Heath slightly smiled.

Nick rolled down his window then as Roger approached. "I think we changed our mind." Nick slightly squinted as the cold wind hit his face. "We'll wait for you, though."

"Chicken shit." Roger groveled. Ravi and Bridget stood behind him.

"Yes, I'm the chicken shit." Heath gave Roger a smart smile. He looked over to his side of the truck where Olivia was texting someone. He looked back at Roger wondering what was going on. Maybe Olivia was getting tired of Roger's crap. "You guys have a good time, OK." He gave Roger a salute then and put his arm around Nick. "See you later." Heath reached over and rolled up the window. He gave Nick a very longing kiss then. There were so many things he felt better about now. His family for one. He still couldn't get over how accepting they were of Nick.

He felt Nick's warm hands under his sweater. They were going to steam the windows up, after all. No need to think anyone could see them kissing.

Later they met up at Roger's so the party could commence at midnight. Of course, it was just Heath and Nick along with Ravi and Bridget. Naturally, Heath couldn't see any of them consuming the entire keg that Roger had some how got a hold of. But Roger was making a big deal about it.

"Beer for everyone!" He was all smiles.

"God, I hope the police don't come." Heath was worried. That was all he needed to start his student teaching off on a sour note.

Ravi and Bridget were happy to share the alcohol. Again, Olivia was off in her room texting.

"What are you doing?" Heath asked as he watched her smile. Who ever she was texting was really making her smile.

"Its nothing, really." She shut her cell and looked at him.

"It really looked like something to me, who is it?"

"My old boyfriend's little brother," Olivia shrugged. "He's not even 15. Its nothing. Honest." She plopped herself on the bed and he sat next to her.

"You're sure its not your old boyfriend?"

"Believe me, I have nothing to say to Eric," she sighed. "He got someone pregnant."

"What's he going to do?" Heath looked at her, knowing she had to be concerned.

"I really shouldn't care, you know. I really shouldn't." She shook her head.

"I think thats why you're enjoying all these texts." Heath told her. "You don't have to think about it, do you. Or Roger."

"What about Roger?"

"Don't you know he's gonna make an ass of himself tonight," Heath was straight lipped about it.

"Probably." She sighed. "I wish Ian wasn't so sweet." She switched off her phone then and put it on the dresser.

"I think Nick and I should get a room somewhere tonight." Heath sighed.

"It won't be that bad. Really. They'll behave." Olivia just laughed.

"I can't chance it. I start student teaching. I want a clean slate. Besides, my Dad told me he'd help me get a car if I find a teaching job." Heath got up then.

"Wow, things are really moving fast for you." She smiled giving Heath a kiss on the cheek. Heath needed to find Nick. They'd have to find some place else to sleep tonight.

no party

2009-10-30T01:04:00.003-05:00

"Well, we can't stay here if Roger is having a party?" Lon shook his head as he sat at the kitchen table with Charlie while Ellie was cooking dinner. "No way am I going to chance the cops coming and the social services coming to check this place out."

Lon was expecting something better to hear than a snow storm coming on the news and about Roger and his party. He wasn't used to it being this cold, either.

"I was just going to have a few friends over." Roger was all innocent about it as if they might a chess match instead of a keg of beer he knew Roger had been talking about for weeks.

"Friends who can bring you alcohol." Lon just looked at him. "You don't really want me here."

"I didn't say that." Roger winced.

"Its true. I get it." Lon nodded. "I'll just find my own place."

"Are you sure its a good time to do that?" Ellie spoke up then. "Moving out with the snow and ice. Not to mention the wind."

"We'll be fine." He looked at Charlie, not her, but then looked up at her. "You can stay here."

"I don't want to stay here if you and Charlie move out, you know that. I have to go with you." She looked sad though.

Lon smiled and took her hand.

"I think I'll call Olivia's great aunt, see if we can spend Halloween with her," Lon said to Ellie. "She might really like the company."

as it is

2009-10-29T01:50:00.005-05:00

Ellie wasn't sure what Roger was getting at. As it was, she was trying to get the kitchen in order for supper. She had everything out to make spaghetti sauce, and she had Charlie on her hip as she was trying to find the noodles.

"Are you trying to tell me Halloween just won't be fun enough for you this year, just because of Charlie?" She winced. As it was it was so cold out now and there were flurries about. Who in their right mind wanted to be out in this, anyway, she thought.

"Its just I had something special planned." He stared at her.

"Oh, you and Olivia?" She pushed Charlie higher on her waist. "Like what?"

"A hay ride at the pumpkin patch." He sighed.

"Well, you better do it quick because it looks like snow." She informed him.

"I was hoping we'd have a party, but we can't, now can we?" He looked at Charlie.

"If the weather was better, I'd take him home for the weekend, but I don't want to chance it. Didn't a party get you in trouble last time?" Ellie reminded him.

Roger pouted a bit.

"You two go out and do your thing, all right, can't you go to some party?" She looked at him.

"We could, but I'd rather have one here." He told her.

"Have you talked to Olivia about this?" Ellie knew she'd be on her side.

"No," he shrugged. "Do you know where she is?"

Ellie shook her head.

"She's in my car, you know." Roger fretted.

"Well, call her." Ellie shook her head. If anyone was the baby around here, it was Roger.

rolling with the flow

2009-10-28T01:52:00.005-05:00

"What are you doing here?" Amanda hadn't expected to see Olivia. She so wished Elliot had came with her, but she knew it was best to get Rosie by herself.

"Just, in the neighborhood." Olivia said so calmly. "Picking up something for Roger at his Dad's. He's set on having a big Halloween, and well, he left his wolfman mask at home. Had it since he was twelve."

Amanda didn't believe her, but there she went on with a novel of a lie, just the same.

"So, how you been? Feeling OK?"

"I'm fine." She was closed lip. Really, all she needed to do was take Rosie and get out of here.

"Great," Olivia smiled. "You look great. Really, you do." But her sweetness made Amanda scowl more. Really, she was beginning to hate Olivia quite nicely.

"You're still as skinny as you ever were." Amanda looked at her so unnerving.

"Do you know who I heard from?" Olivia's eyes lit. Amanda really didn't want to know. "Ian," Olivia gave her an open smile. "Eric's little brother. Do you remember him?"

"Not really." And she didn't. Why was she bringing up Eric in such a subtle way?

"He's coming for Thanksgiving." Olivia shrugged. "I guess Eric knows. Don't know if I'll see him or not."

"Well, I don't know him," Amanda wished she'd just shut up.

"I think we just might spend Thanksgiving at Roger's, you know. Isn't it a holiday for friends, anyway?" Olivia hit a nerve. She knew Thanksgiving was all about family. Why did she have to bring this up? "How are the wedding plans coming, Amanda? Thats what is really keeping you so busy, isn't it?"

"A little." Really, it was going to be quite simple. Just a small ceremony with Elliot's folks in the church parlor. Very quaint. She hoped.

"Can we come?" Olivia winced as Amanda edged her way around Rosie, getting her jacket on, ready to go.

"Its not like that. Just for his family." Amanda remained straight lipped.

"You have to let us give you shower, or something?"

Amanda just nodded. She really didn't want to ask anything of anybody.

spinning circles

2009-10-27T03:45:00.005-05:00

Olivia felt as if she were camping out at Kyle's. At least at the moment. She checked her watch. Amanda was twenty minutes late.

"Is she always like this?" Olivia looked at Kyle who was busy finding a snack for Rosie.

"Pretty much, she might not come." Kyle told her.

"Will she at least call?" Olivia felt a bit lost here. This wasn't her predicument, but here she was in the middle of it. She hadn't exactly promised Eric anything, but she at least wanted to get Amanda's side of things.

"I dunno." Kyle shrugged as he rummaged through crackers and cookies. "Juice?" He handed her a boxed juice.

"I can't believe it would turn into this." Olivia found herself saying. "She was always so-"

"Thats old Amanda. This one, well, she has time for nothing. Maybe just Elliot. Maybe she has time for him." Kyle remained even lipped.

"I'm sorry." And Olivia was. She felt her eyes swell with tears. "I still think you are the only one who can reach her. It was probably a bad idea I came, anyway. I don't need to be involved with this. Really, its Amanda's and Eric's problem."

"Yeah, you're right." Kyle looked at her then at Rosie. Olivia looked at Rosie who was nibbling on a short bread cookie.

"Its just not fair to her, you know. Really." Olivia believed.

"Did you have any siblings?" Kyle wondered.

"No." Olivia sucked in a breath. "Look, you will handle anything that comes your way, beautifully, I have faith in you." She gave him a pat on the back. The doorbell rang. Olivia held her breath. She so dreaded this conversation with Amanda.

"What took you so long?" She could hear Kyle say in the other room. Naturally, Amanda wasn't exactly forth coming. It was there in the kitchen that Olivia saw her. There was no reason to hide it anymore. Amanda was pregnant.

every now and then

2009-10-26T02:24:00.004-05:00

"Is it really you?" Amber looked up at Heath. She was full of smiles. She hugged him tight. He could barely breathe.

"I missed you." He touched the top of her chestnut hair and just smiled.

"Its been forever," she said. "Come on, you are coming in, aren't you?" She took his hand and pulled him toward the front door.

"Wait," Heath took in a deep breath while things weren't so bad yet. "I want you to meet, someone." He looked at Nick. Amber eyed him too. "This is Nick."

She just nodded as if she knew who he really was. They proceeded on. Amber was quiet. He could hear his mother in the kitchen. She was drying dishes.

"Mom," Amber said. "Guess who's here?"

She looked through the door way, and Heath saw the look on her face. She'd missed him too. But no words were spoken. He embraced her there in the kitchen, and he felt her warm tears on his shoulder. He was really home.

A few minutes later they were sitting around the kitchen table. His mom made them tea and their were the goodies. She asked about what had happened. Was he still on scholarship? Then the shock that he was actually graduating, and he'd be student teaching soon.

And then it came to Nick. How that came about. And Heath was a bit shocked how warm his mother was to Nick. It didn't seem possible, but he supposed his mother thought Nick had saved him from something or someone. That was what had mattered most in the end.

"Where's Dad?" Heath finally asked.

"Work, silly, you know he has to work everyday at the Feed Co-op." She smiled then and Heath wondered if they should go now before he got home. He could change everything in a blink of an eye.

coming back

2009-10-25T02:49:00.005-05:00

Nick wasn't sure if Heath would go or not.

"Lets just go for a drive. We can always keep on driving, you know." He packed up some goodies that Ellie and Olivia had made for them.

"There's always fudge." Ellie smiled. "Well, according to Kyle, anyway, he showed me an easy way to make it. And you know, its different." She had it all packaged up with a bow tied around it.

Olivia had framed a picture of the Nick and Heath together.

"His mom might say no, but she'll want to look at it. One of these days." Olivia had told Nick. Naturally, Heath wouldn't say a word.

"You," Olivia poked Heath in the chest. "Have to think positive. Quit being Mr. I Hate Everything. You know you want to see them." She left it at that, and soon Nick and Heath were on the road. Actually, the place he grew up wasn't all that far from where they lived, a little over an hour away.

"Well?" Nick looked at Heath as they came into York. "Any last words?"

"Not really. Just that its not very exciting around here." It was a farming community. Nick shook his head. He would have never suspected Heath was from this part of the world. Soon they went down a dusty country road, passing field after field of corn, or what was left of it, harvest time was practically over. And then there was an old farm house by a grove of oak trees.

"This is it." Heath told him.

"You grew up on a farm?" Nick looked at him. Heath just shrugged.

They got out of the truck and Nick took out the basket of goodies. Slowly they walked up the steps to the old wooden porch that wrapped around the house.

"Maybe, no-body's home." Heath gave a faint smile. But the dog started to bark and the door opened. The old screen door flung open. It was his sister, almost as tall as Heath, who wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

making a stir

2009-10-24T02:21:00.004-05:00

It had been a bad night.

Shane, the quietest guy in the world had gone off on Heath. At the moment he felt shell shocked. Something like that. it was as if a bomb had gone off when Shane went ballistic in the library. He didn't hurt anyone. Just himself.

The clerk wouldn't let him check out his usual five videos. They had changed the rules. Shane screamed like a banshee and then proceeded to beat his chest like King Kong and stomp around. He kept punching at him self. Then he'd stop sporadically and look at Heath to say, "I'm sorry." Then he'd go back to his little seizure of pain.

Heath tried to call the home before someone dialed 911. Now, Heath just felt the aftermath of it. He'd rode home in silence when Nick picked him up. So much for him trying to talk him down. It felt useless.

"Hey, what happened?" Nick wanted to know.

"What didn't happen." He looked at the city lights. He felt as if he needed a tranquilizer. A car screeched by and Heath flinched. "I don't know if I can do this." He shook his head.

"Its Friday night. You've got the weekend to relax. Remember, we're going to your parents." Nick smiled.

"About that-"

"Don't you back out on me." Nick looked at him.

"It was horrible, Nick, and- I don't know if I can set myself up to be kicked down again. Something has just got to get better, you know." Heath looked at him as they pulled into the driveway.

"But I'll be there." Nick told him.

"Its not like we're married, you know." Heath stated. "Not that it would make a difference. They would never see it that way. They wouldn't. And I'm not saying, we will, you know. But-" Heath closed his eyes. "Just don't expect anything from this-" He shook his head.

They went inside. It was colder out now so Nick went to heat some milk for hot chocolate in the kitchen.

"Maybe you're wrong about them." Nick told him.

"I wish I were." Heath looked at him.

"So you're saying we can stay up all night and sleep Saturday away." Nick poured milk in the mugs and squirted in chocolate syrup. Then gave it a swirl.

"Something like that." Heath sighed as he sipped his hot chocolate.

"Oh, can't forget the Cool Whip." Nick smirked going to the fridge.

Heath looked at the hot chocolate. It was hard to believe he'd just been with a twenty-seven year old who couldn't help but beat himself up at the library.

envy much

2009-10-23T02:14:00.004-05:00

Eric had seen Ellie and Lon at Wal-mart with a baby. Charlie, he supposed. Didn't look a thing like Lon, but he supposed babies didn't have to look exactly like the dad. Which made him wonder what Amanda's baby would look like. Really, he tried not to think that way.

He didn't approach Ellie, either. Eric supposed he would be the last person she would want to see. And as of late, it seemed no one really wanted to see him. He'd left Amanda a couple of voice messages. She hadn't got back to him. Even e-mailed her. But nothing.

It was a bit unnerving to feel like the villain in all of this. It was quite sad and honestly, he had no intention of this turning into such a life changing experience. And now he was hiding in the coats, hoping to get a good look at Ellie.

She looked so happy. She was never that kind of happy with him, and it bothered him. What was it that Lon did? It was as if they were becoming one. She smiled. He smiled. God, they looked a bit like each other. It was totally foreign to him.

He could only hope she'd be bored of him. The whole family thing. He didn't want to wish it, but he really did envy them so much. Eric left soon enough. Going unnoticed. He got back home to his laptop, hoping he'd hear from someone. He knew it wouldn't be Amanda. But he did get an e-mail.

What exactly do you want the answer to be? Do you think she's in love with you? Are you in love with her? Does any of it really matter to you? Or is it the fact she's found Elliot and you detest him so much?

your x

just a letter

2009-10-22T03:00:00.005-05:00

Olivia was doing her normal early morning blogging on the Internet, trying to wake up with a cup of coffee and granola bar. She kept yawning as if nothing would wake her up. She'd best go back to bed. But then she saw the e-mail from Eric. She hadn't heard from him in months on her computer and then to get an e-mail. She stared at it for the longest time. Did she really want to open it and see what he had to say? She deleted it. Quickly, and got out of her e-mail. She got out of bed and drank at her coffee then, but kept coming back to her laptop wondering what he had to say.

No. There was no need. She told herself. They weren't anything. He meant nothing to her. She was over him. Didn't want to start up anything. There was nothing to start. Nothing.

Olivia closed her laptop and went to take a shower.

But it was just an e-mail. She kept thinking as she soaped up. Then shampooed her hair and conditioned it. Really, did she want to know what this about with Eric? Was she being selfish? Was she being mean?

She went to get dressed and came back to the laptop. Roger gave her a quick kiss and told her he was ready to go.

"Can you bring us some coffee to class?" She looked at him.

"Sure." He nodded and went to the kitchen. Olivia opened her laptop and recovered Eric's e-mail.

Liv,

Hopefully, you won't delete this. But you were right. Probably right about everything with Amanda. And, and I dunno what to do. Can you tell me what to do? What would you do? If you have any answers, please will you let me know.

I still love you.

xoxo
e

long night

2009-10-21T01:03:00.004-05:00

It had been a nightmare on Ellie's way home with Charlie. They got caught up in a traffic jam right away. The wind was kicking in. It was getting colder. Charlie started crying. She'd never remembered him crying quite like that. She felt so bad. He was in the back seat. She was in the front seat. It didn't help that it took a good twenty minutes to get to the off ramp.

She called her Mom. Luckily, there was relief in store about an hour later when she got to her Mom's place.

"I don't think you should drive back tonight." Her Mom told her.

"Why?" She didn't like her mother thinking she was that fragile. She could do it. It wasn't that far.

"But it might snow." Her mother started this worst case scenario.

"Mom." Ellie just glared at her wanting her to shut up. "I can handle it." No way did she want her mother calling Lon to come pick them up.

"We'll have dinner. He'll play. He'll sleep the rest of the way home." Ellie told her.

"And what if he doesn't?"

"I'll keep driving." She shrugged.

"And even if he does, then he'll be up all night." Her mother reminded her.

"I'll take my chances." So she did. She wasn't going to let a little crying annoy her. And as it was, he was sacked out the rest of the way home. Of course, after they got home, that was another story. Charlie was wide awake and ready for fun.

"But don't you have an 8 a.m. class in the morning?" Lon wondered about. It was going on close to midnight.

"Yes." She watched him get ready for bed while Charlie did his little workout on his activity quilt.
"Shouldn't you go to bed."

"He's not ready to go to bed."

"But he should be put in his crib." He picked him up and went to change his pamper.

"I'll stay up with him." She promised. "I'm just glad we made it home." She hated to admit she didn't like that traffic jam. She wasn't so sure she was ready to go anywhere else with him other than McDonalds or Wal-Mart.

"You just let him decide. He can entertain himself." Lon told her. He gave him a bottle then and read him a story. Naturally, Charlie was wide awake. The wind was getting up. Ellie could feel a chill in the air. She could even see Charlie's startled look.

"Go to bed." She took Charlie from Lon. They got in the rocking chair and she read to him more. Really, she hated to leave him alone, but finally she put him in his crib. The night light was on. She sat in the rocking chair. He laid their listening to the music from his mobile. The next thing she knew she was asleep. The sudden awareness hit her that she hadn't stayed awake. She went to check on him. It was two in the morning. He was playing with his feet.

Ellie yawned. What had she done? How in the world would they ever get back on a schedule again. But he just cooed as if he was in no hurry. He started to suck on his fist. Slowly he was dropping off to sleep. Ellie closed her eyes and thought she might be asleep before she got in bed.