Adult Intimate Touch

2007-11-24T20:55:00.000-08:00

Welcome ! Adult Intimate Touch is the best place to meet hottest singles in your area or around the world! Whether you’re looking to make new friends for the love of your life or find casual sex, you’re sure to find someone special.

Dating Advice and Articles

* How to know if she is in interested in you ?
* Touch Is More Than Sex
* Hot Summer and Sex Touch
* How to Deal With Women's Negative Traits
* Chatting First Before Meeting Someone Online
* Ideas to make your online dating experience safe
* How to impress women while dating ?
* Never Say These 10 Things To Your Girlfriend
* First Time Dating Tips
* Tips to Attract Women
* Safety Tips for free online dating
* How to attract a man
* How to attract a Super Hot Woman
* Skills to Seduce HIM or HER
* 10 Dating Tips for guys!
* Skills to Communicate With Women
* Two ways to approach girls
* Improving communication through BODY LANGUAGE
* Love But Don't Touch
* Teens and Sex
* How to Know if Your Love is Real？
* Why dates over for no real reason?
* Men's and Women's Sex Dreams
* About Sex Shockers
* An Inside Look at S&M
* Secrets of Strippers
* Why people fall in love online so quickly?
* What to look for through Free Online Dating?
* About adult sex chat online
* Using dating sites for casual sex ?
* How to Find Intimate Encounters Online?
* Men's self-confidence
* More sex and better sex
* Fitness & Beauty---Weightloss Programs

How to know if she is in interested in you ?

2007-11-24T20:03:00.000-08:00

Since women are usually literally unable to formulate their sexual desires into words. This can even apply to an established girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. Often the female partner simply cannot state in clear words what she wants sexually and thus she expects you to "read her mind" and "act first". Thus women will nearly never ask you to date them. Instead they will expect you to start the wording and action.

So it is important to you to know how a woman shows her interest in you. A woman has other methods of showing that she is interested in YOU:

* A woman will move to the rhythm of the music while looking at you
* A woman will touch her breasts
* A women will lean forward to you
* A woman will lean towards you and talk into your ear
* A woman will start to touch you (your shoulder, your arm, your thigh, your hand...)
* A women will blink more
* A woman will blush while being around you
* A woman will blow smoke towards you (Warning! Could be a sign of disgust, too)
* A woman will match her laughing to your laughing
* A woman will match her drinking (= taking the drinking glass) to your drinking (this is a general sympathy rule and doesn't necessary mean sensual readiness)
* A woman will with the table legs: Wrapping her legs around the table legs, touching them etc.
* A woman will smile to you and raise her eyebrows
* A women will keep glancing at you (probably with dilated pupils)
* A women will touch/scratch her legs
* A women will lick her lips, touch her front teeth with her tongue
* A woman will bite her fingernail
* A woman will get erected nipples (sometimes you can see that thru her clothes)
* A women will play with their hair
running with her hand thru her hair
stroking hair
twirling hair around her fingers
twisting streaks
throwing her hair off her shoulders
* A women will play with her lips (biting them, touch them with a glass etc.)
* A women will look right into your eyes without words and then smile
* A woman will double-check her outfit and will fix it/ enhance it for you
* And maybe most importantly: A woman will look 3 times at you:
1. She looks
2. She looks away
3. She looks
4. She looks away
5. She looks

Now you can smile at her and go to her. And I literally mean go. But whatever you do: Do not look down or away.

I do not say that a woman will use EVERY of the ways mentioned above to show her "readiness". But a woman usually uses one or more of them.

Touch is More Than Sex

2007-11-03T01:50:00.000-07:00

Why the way we touch one another is extremely important to a happy and secure relationship.

Every wonder why a man gets instantly excited by the slightest little touch?

The reasons behind his reaction may not be as simple as assuming that he’s just over-sexed. It may go much, much deeper…

We all associate different emotions (good and bad) with different types of touching such as holding hands, hugging, getting a massage, and kissing. Some of these emotions can be very powerful and have a significant impact on how we relate to others.

Touch is More Than Sex

For many men, the opportunity to be touched, even casually by a woman is arousing. And, no, it’s not because men are different than women innately. This is because boys are often raised with little physical nurturance. Some men are so touch deprived that they shut off the awareness of the need for it entirely. As a result they appear cold, distant and emotionally unavailable. They have little understanding of why a woman wants to be touched or cuddled. It completely baffles them.

Many cultures within the larger American culture work to toughen up boys and assume that cuddling, hugging and kissing boys makes “Mama’s boys” or “Sissies” out of them. This creates an environment in which our male children are raised without physical touch. Yet we know, from years of research that touch is a basic need. Babies deprived of touch do not survive; they will quit eating and die. While men, even 5 or 6 year old boys are not infants, they, like all of us have a basic need to be held, to be touched, and otherwise physically nurtured. This need for touch can be hidden away for years, until perhaps in their early teens, a girl steals a kiss or holds his hands. Suddenly he finds himself aroused and from that moment on, associates touch with sex.

Then these poor guys get accused of being hyper sexual because the need for touch, which has been repressed for years, suddenly emerges as sexual desire. The hormone oxytocin carries messages of bonding, safety, overall well being and of love to our brains and to our bodies. It also increases sexual arousal. This hormone is released when there is any type of skin-to-skin contact. This generally happens at the same time as the developmental hormonal changes of adolescence, further complicating matters. From the male perspective then, touch=sex.

Every touch experienced carries a different electrochemical message to the brain. Even small, very light touches can create tremendous brain activity. When you expanded to hugging, the response is magnified many times because it brings with it memories of previous experiences (or lack thereof) and the attached emotional meaning. (Welch, 1988) When a person is upset or stressed, taking their hand usually produces a soothing effect, reducing anxiety, and generating a feeling of greater security as the oxytocin is released.

Couples observed touching affectionately test as being more securely attached and having a more satisfying sex life. If you are unhappy with the amount of sexual activity with your partner, notice what happens when you become more affectionate in general with each other. Increasing overall affectionate behaviors can have a positive effect on each of you individually, as well as increasing the amount of sexual activity between you…

Touch alone can transform the quality of your relationship.

If you are not feeling safe enough with your partner to enjoy copious amounts of affection, you might want to ask yourself why not. Is this because of your own discomfort with touch? Or is it because you fear that touch will initiate sex when that is always what you want? Is your partner uncomfortable with touch and therefore reluctant to express their affection physically? These are all questions that you and your partner should discuss, certainly before committing to a long-term relationship.

While some couples settle into a kind of comfortable physical distance, their emotional connection is often just as distant. If you are not comfortable with idea of an emotionally distant relationship, then you should be aware of the impact of physical distance on the quality of your relationship.

Try livening up your relationship by making it a point to hug and kiss your partner when you come home, or being sure that you cuddle up close before drifting off to sleep.

Hold hands while you walk together. Women, spend time giving your partner a massage. Non-sexual touch can evoke strong feelings in a touch-deprived male. If your partner has an intensely emotional response, be open to allowing him to have those feelings in the safety of your presence. It can be deeply bonding. Men, touch your partners’ arms while she is talking to you, touch her face as you tell her about your day, it will make her feel cherished and valued.

Increasing the amount of touch you give will improve more than your relationship in the process. Infusing your body with Oxytocin, through touch, will provide you with reduced stress and boost your sense of well being.

Hot Summer and Sex Touch

2007-10-27T19:48:00.001-07:00

Like sex in any other season, summer sex raises its own characteristics and questions.Warm weather means more places to have sex without freezing to death and people wear less in general so it’s easier to get things going.

In summer, glorious summer ,it seems that everywhere you look there’s bared flesh – luscious flesh, firm flesh, tanned flesh. Flesh peeks out tantalizingly from the bottoms of buttock hugging short-shorts and spills provocatively over the top of breast caressing halter dresses. It calls to you from between tiny scraps of bikini “Touch me, kiss me, lick me, squeeze me.”

Don’t berate yourself as a lust-filled sex addict for continually wanting to “reach out and touch someone”. You can blame part of that desire on your hormones, particularly oxytocin, a peptide that causes you to want touching and makes you feel really good when you get it so that you keep wanting more. Women, because of their high estrogen levels, are especially affected by oxytocin. That’s one of the reasons they like to cuddle a lot. And generally the more a woman is stroked and cuddled the more easily she’ll make the shift from sensual to sexual. If you want her to happily open her legs for you, be certain to give them some tender caresses first.

Satisfy your lady love’s skin hunger by taking every opportunity you can to apply sunscreen, tanning lotion, after tan lotion and moisturizing cream to her sweet body. When you do, pay very close attention to the feel of her skin beneath your hands. Stroke with long, gentle movements letting her know with your touch that you adore her. Her skin will become satin smooth with all that creamy attention and you’ll both reap the intimate benefits oxytocin brings. She can of course give your body the same loving care, whether you’re aware of it or not you’ve got skin hunger too!

On those steamy sultry days when you only have to open your eyes to begin sweating take the sticky heat one step further with a truly erotic massage. Liberally oil both your bodies. Lie down – you may want to use a large plastic sheet, a tarp, or an old shower curtain for this – and slip slide all over each other using your entire bodies to massage and stimulate every succulent spot.

Or, for a sexy cool down nothing beats a masterfully wielded ice cube. With your darling’s eyes closed, or better yet blindfolded, you can tease and please her through shivery strokes to her neck, nipples, and belly. Move at random over her body, or follow a slow set trail down to her honey pot. Keep her guessing by varying the time between those glacial touches and mix in kisses and sucks from your hot lips. Let icy drops fall haphazardly on different parts of her body. If you’re not sure how to proceed rent 9 ½ Weeks and watch Mickey Rourke drive Kim Basinger wild. Their ice cube scene will give you both plenty of inspiration.

More Fun and Games
Great sex is much more than bodies rubbing delightfully together. It’s also about trust, intimacy and communication. Here is more summer fun you can have to deepen your loving connection. Find out how well you know each other.

Locate all of the identifying marks on each other’s bodies. Naturally you have to have your clothes off to do this! For example find birthmarks, scars, wounds, moles, dimples, and colored patches of skin. Note how each one looks, its size, shape, color, texture, etc. Where is it exactly located on the body? How does it feel when you touch it with your hands and your tongue? Can you find marks your lover did not even know they had? Love those marks.

Don’t just take your clothes off, notice exactly how each of you takes your own clothes off. Which item do you remove first? Is there an order to how your remove the rest of your clothing? When you undress each other, notice how this is different than when you undress yourself. Is there a particular item that you remove first, or is it much more reckless and wild when you are undressing each other? Do you undress each other the same way every time?

What colour are your lover’s eyes? Don’t be too quick to answer even if you think you know. Take the time to look into each other’s eyes very carefully. Are both eyes the same colour? Is each eye all the same colour? Are the eyes always the same colour every time you look at them? If they change can you identify any conditions that cause them to change? For example when they are excited, turned on, happy, sad, afraid, surprised, etc. To answer this you will have to look into each other’s eyes frequently.

What colour is your lover’s hair? Of course your lover has hair all over his/her body! Is the hair on your lover’s body all the same colour? Compare the hair on head, face, arms, legs, chest, pubis, etc. Sniff about like an animal as you do the inspection! What is the name of the perfume or after-shave or scent your partner usually wears? Could you pick out your partner if you were blindfolded, going on scent alone? This could be an interesting party variation! Blindfold all the men, then have them find their partners by how they smell. Switch and blindfold all the women.

Here is a list of favorite things. Go through the list and remember, or guess, what is your partner’s favorite food, colour, etc. Your partner does the same for you. Whoever gets the most correct, gets rewarded with the sexual fantasy of their choice. Food, colour, animal, movie, perfume, essential oil, actress, actor, TV show, style of music, soft drink, alcoholic drink, game, sport, flower, writer, book, poet, poem, painter, painting, dancer, singer, song, band, fruit, quote, car, dessert, ice cream, secret place.

Write out the answers to the following questions and then share your answers with your partner.

Where and how do you like to be touched? Touch them!

What do you want sexually that you are reluctant to ask for? Ask for it.

What does your partner want sexually that you are reluctant to give? Try giving it.

How long did you make love, from start to finish, the last three times? Make the longest time be the amount of time just for foreplay the next time you make love.

Who usually wants sex more frequently? Talk about that.

Who usually wants sex to last longer? Talk about that.

List three things your partner likes the most during sex. List three things your partner does not like during sex. Invent a fun, safe non-verbal way to communicate with each other what you do and don’t like in lovemaking.

Fresh Air Frolics
We all like to spend as much time as possible outside in the summer and you can move some of your romantic activities outdoors too. There is definitely something about fresh air and intercourse that makes it feel more “natural”. We become Adam and Eve in the garden of earthly delights. But pick your spots for outdoor liaisons with care. We’re talking discretion here, not putting on an exhibition in the city’s central park. If you can get away from the city for a time you’re liable to find lots of secluded spots for loving.

Start with a romantic picnic. Food and drink definitely open us up to more intimate sensual pleasures. Don’t just throw a peanut butter sandwich, a bag of chips and a six pack of Bud in a plastic bag. Go to a little more culinary effort: a few take out treats from the local deli, beverages you both enjoy (for example a bottle of wine, coolers, beer, club soda, a thermos of margueritas), and perhaps a dessert sweet – you can do wicked things with chocolate that’s melted in the sun! Good strong paper plates are okay, but bring real knives and forks, glasses or cups, and cloth napkins and tablecloth. She will be thoroughly impressed by your savoir faire. Be sure to have a couple of good-sized blankets, one for underneath, one for over top, just in case you are alone enough for intimate play.

Making love in the water is an adventure we all have to try at least once. Being embraced by your beloved as you float in the arms of the life-giving waters is a sensation not to be missed. Even if there are others not far away you can touch each other in all sorts of exciting ways beneath the curtain of the waves. A word of caution about intercourse in the water: don’t go in for a lot of heavy thrusting. Intense pressure can build up inside a woman with the combination of water and your piston action, causing internal damage. Make your underwater connection a slow, gentle one, almost motionless, and save the rapid rhythm for drier locales.

Safety First!
Summer seems to bring more opportunity for short, sweet love affairs or quick and randy one-night sizzlers. No matter how knocked out you are by your new bedmate it is absolutely essential to take proper precautions against pregnancy and STDs. Always, always use a condom for intercourse and a condom and dental dam for oral sex. This does not have to be the drag it may sound. You can actually have some delicious fun with tasty combinations of flavoured condoms, dental dams and lubricants.

Here are a few recipes for you to experiment with:

Banana Split: One (or more!) banana condoms, one part vanilla lube, one part chocolate lube, topped off with a squirt of cherry lube.

Passion Punch: Mix a strawberry dental dam with one part fresh peach lube and one part passion fruit lube. Add a dash of pina colada lube and feed the fire!

Fruit Salad: One grape condom creatively decorated with lubes of strawberry-kiwi, mango-orange, and guava-pineapple.

Mint Cooler: Vanilla dental dam with a touch of succulent watermelon lube and cool mint lube. Ice cream is an optional but tasty addition!

Use a lubricant with your condoms, even if the package says they’re already lubricated. Insufficient lubrication causes friction that’s uncomfortable for your partner and puts stress on the condom itself, perhaps causing it to break. Latex condoms need water-based or silicone-based lubricants, oil based lubes will eat through them.

No matter what your sexual play preference, summer is the time to explore and experiment and above all to revel in the heat, both yours and the weather’s!

Chatting First Before Meeting Someone Online

2007-10-27T19:27:00.000-07:00

You're excited about a person that you've met online. You haven't chatted in live-time yet, but the two of you have exchanged a couple of emails through an online dating site. Things are progressing nicely, and you're ready to go on a real, live date.

Email is Only One Dimensional

But wait! Email communication, although interesting and fun, isn't a good indicator as to whether or not you'll actually click with someone face-to-face. Email is very one-dimensional; you are only reading what the other person has carefully chosen for you to see. There is no time to think when you are chatting with someone on the phone and therefore the reaction from your potential date is immediate.

What To Look For During Your Conversation

Now, I'm not trying to say that the people you've chatted with are sneaky or trying to be dishonest.

Most chatters (more than 73%, according to ComScore Networks) are truthful in their dating profiles. But what you don't know is how the person you are interested in really communicates in live-time. Does their communication style match yours? Is their voice pleasant? Do they talk too fast? Use language you find offensive? Listen more than they talk, or talk overtop of you?

Keeping Safe While Chatting with a Potential Date

Therefore, before meeting someone from an online dating site, spend at least 20 minutes chatting on the phone, first. Block your number if you are concerned about your personal information, use a program such as Skype to ensure your privacy, or sign up for a dating website like Lavalife which offers video and voice chat services through their system.

Plus, taking the time to chat with someone you've met from an online dating site before meeting in person is not only prudent, it's a good safety measure too. If at any time you get an odd vibe, or feel remotely uncomfortable, you can just hang up, and not worry about ever talking to this person again. Alternatively, you may just find the online dating prospect on the other end of the phone you're chatting with so intriguing, that you want to meet them as soon as possible. Either way, you'll have more information to make an informed decision.

Ideas to make your online dating experience safe

2007-10-27T19:18:00.000-07:00

Online dating can be a great way to meet people who share your interests, but as with any new venture, there can be risks.

To help ensure that your online dating experiences are happy ones, here are a few more tips to help you increase your online dating safety.

Take Time to Get to Know the Person
This online dating tip should be listed twice, in case you miss it the first time.

If you make a connection with someone online, it's tempting to want to meet right away, but give it enough time to be sure that person is genuine.

If the person you are corresponding with wishes to perpetuate a fantasy, it becomes harder to maintain that fantasy over time.

If you suspect that something is not quite right, keep asking questions and insisting on answers (and proof of those answers). You’ll either drive that person away or you will start to see the real person, which hopefully would be a very good thing.

Speak on the phone
Although older rules of etiquette advise women not to push the relationship by calling a man, a phone call can reveal much about a person's social skills.

If you decide to speak with someone on the phone, ask the person for his or her number. Use telephone-blocking techniques (check with your local phone company) so he or she can't get your number through caller ID. If the person is hesitant about provide a phone number, that should give you something to think about.

If you give out your number, use your cell phone until you know the person well enough (could be after several meetings) to provide your home number.

Meet in a public place
What if you think you have met "the one?" You chatted online and on the phone for great lengths of time and you both feel it might be going somewhere; what now?

If you met traditionally, at work or at a social gathering, for example, you already know how to proceed. But in this cyber forum you have only been meeting with your minds and the next step must be meeting in person!

If you decide to meet, choose a safe place, such as a restaurant during a busy time. Be sure to tell a friend where you're going and what time you plan to return. Give your friend the person's name and phone number.

Never arrange for someone to pick you up at your home or office. Take your own transportation. When the date is over, do not allow the person to follow you.

Don’t let this online dating safety advice scare you off
There are many honest, warm, and wonderful people out there, who are looking for friends and romantic partners. If you follow these guidelines, you should be able to find many nice people to choose from. Have fun!

How to Deal With Women's Negative Traits

2007-10-27T19:00:00.000-07:00

When you first start dating a woman and it's going well, the world is a beautiful place. The two of you are on your best behavior and each of you is working hard to impress the other, trying to make this exclusive relationship sizzle.

But after a while, you start to get comfortable with each other. You get complacent. Sloppy. You take each other for granted. And all of a sudden, you're noticing little quirks in her behavior that weren't so apparent before. Note that you didn't act differently to cause this behavior.

Although no woman is perfect, all of a sudden she seems to have changed, and not for the better. Now that sweet little girl you were dating seems like a charade and she's exhibiting some nasty negative traits, which you're not quite sure how to deal with.

Which traits?Let's take a look at a few of the ones you could be facing:

1.She loves to nag
Every time she opens her mouth, it's to say something like "I told you...", "Why can't you...", "Why do you always..." Nothing suits her anymore, and everything you do is wrong. She constantly blames you and criticizes you for all sorts of shortcomings, including not being able to read her mind.

The problem is, women can't communicate, so they nag and whine about what they aren't getting rather than directly stating what they want, need or expect. Men hate to be nagged -- it's a female strategy that simply doesn't work. Most guys respond to nagging in two ways: either they wimp out with a "Yes, dear," or they simply ignore their partner and avoid her altogether.

Neither of these solutions is effective.

How to deal with it: Giving in to her demands will just turn you into a whipped puppy dog, and avoiding the situation is like putting a bandage on a cancer and will cause her to dial up the nagging machine even more.

Pick your battles, and more importantly, tell her to pick hers. Don't give in and walk away in silence if you have to.

Put your foot down. Tell her that her nagging and criticizing bother you and you're not going to put up with it anymore. Ask her to communicate her needs directly. If she wants you to take out the trash, just say so -- not, "You have no respect for me as a person" (from which you're supposed to divine that she wants you to take out the trash).

2.She's extremely jealous
Women are obsessively insecure. This is especially true when it comes to men, because females know exactly how other females operate and they know from experience how easy it is to seduce men with pouty lips and nice breasts (this is how your girlfriend got you, after all). So they're constantly vigilant about protecting their territory, eternally imagining that some woman with a bigger chest will turn your head and lure you away.

A jealous woman will just assume that you're lusting after other women, even when you're not. She'll spend enormous energy testing you. If you go out with your friends for a beer, she "knows" that you're really meeting a woman (and she might even "accidentally" show up to check up on you). If you're late coming home, it's because you're having an affair. If you have platonic female friends, you just have to be sleeping with them.

How to deal with it: Jealous women can make your life miserable, so you have to take charge of the situation as soon as it rears its ugly head. When your woman's eyes glow green, tell her to grow up and knock it off. Ask her if she finds certain guys attractive, and if she's thinking of sleeping with them. Tell her not to push these same thoughts onto you.

Another idea is to invite her to come along with you when you meet your buddies. Have her make friends with your female pals. If these tactics don't work, this would be the time to tell her that if she can't learn to trust you, then you'll have to leave.

3.She's moody
Just like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, women are unpredictable. That's all there is to it. One minute they're kissing you and telling you how happy they are, and the next they're crying about some remark they remember you making a year ago (about which you have no recollection whatsoever). The female brain is driven by hormones -- women think with their emotions. Maybe it all makes sense to them, but their irrational behavior just leaves men frustrated, bewildered and annoyed.

Granted, women have a monthly cycle which sends them spinning up to dizzying heights and plummeting to abysmal lows, but PMS can't be an excuse for all outright rude or bizarre behavior -- it's one thing to be cranky and quite another to be a raving bitch or psychotic.

How to deal with it: While you certainly can't change Mother Nature, it's still fair to ask your woman to recognize and adjust her behavior -- she may not be aware of how irrational or unpleasant she becomes. Don't provoke her by bringing up the fact that she forgot to pick up the groceries, for example.

Let it pass and go for a walk. There's nothing wrong with absenting yourself if she's really experiencing emotional turmoil. If she's having personal problems, simply listen. Don't provide any advice if she doesn't want it, and don't try to find a solution.

But never, ever tolerate outright abuse. There's no excuse for blaming, venting and screaming.

4.She's a serial flirt
You're out with your girlfriend and she's working the room, talking to every guy in sight. She won't step foot out of the house without wearing a low-cut, form-fitting dress. And any time she goes anywhere, she comes back with a fistful of guys' business cards.

She's a serial flirt -- she'll bat her eyes and wiggle her hips at every man in sight, even though she has absolutely no intention of entering into a romantic relationship with any of them. What she likes is the attention -- she has low self-esteem and needs ongoing proof that she's still attractive to the opposite sex.

Of course, when you're out with her and she's winking at some other guy, you feel like a fool, but she doesn't care -- she's busy getting off on her ego-boost.

How to deal with it: This is another case where you have to put your foot down early. Tell her that if she wants to be with you, then you should be the focus of her attention -- not every other guy in the room. If you don't accept the fact that she's the touchy-feely type, tell her that there's just no excuse. If she can't or won't do anything about it, then send her packing.

5.She's smothering
She just won't leave you alone. She calls you 20 times a day, shows up at your doorstep, sends you cards, constantly asks you what you're feeling and where the relationship is going -- in other words, she's suffocating you.

Every time you turn around, she's underfoot. Your male stuff is long gone -- now she expects you to do "girly things" and be entirely happy with her leech-like behavior because, "We're a couple."

No guy can stand this. Men have to be free to be men, not spend all their off-hours going to antique fairs or shopping at the fabric store. Guys need space -- male space.

How to deal with it: Cut this one off at the pass right away. Explain to her that successful couples don't need to be with each other all the time, that absence makes the heart grow fonder. A lot of absence.

Help her meet people and make new friends. Introduce her to your friends' girlfriends, so that they can hang out. You can even double date with other couples to help move things along. Encourage her to plan activities for herself and become interested in a hobby.

6.She doesn't want to have sex
At the beginning of your relationship, your girlfriend was all over you like a wildcat in heat. But now the only time she wants sex is when she has something to gain from you -- she's using access to her body as a bargaining chip to get what she wants.

Women just don't have the same sex drive as men, and they seem to have the ability to turn it off and on at will -- this is why it's so easy for them to use sex as a tool.

But sexuality is a fundamentally important ingredient in a successful relationship -- especially for men.

How to deal with it: Her behavior should not be tolerated. You have every right to demand sex (and good sex) from her, especially if she's forcing you to finance her entire social life. To help your sexual life, make sex romantic. Satisfy her, pamper her, and make it all about her. Agree to the kind and amount of sex you want to have. Discuss what you want with her.

If she doesn't want to have sex with you, then leave her in the dust and find somebody who does.
put your foot down
The key to healthy relationships is compromise. But if you're running into one-sided problems like these, you'd better find a way to turn things around because it'll only get worse.

If she's willing to change, great -- but if she won't budge, it's probably best to call it quits and look elsewhere.

How to impress women while dating ?

2007-10-27T18:28:00.000-07:00

If you want to impress women, you’re gonna have to carefully think about how you present yourself.The people we deal with in life come to know us by the three ways in which we present ourselves: how we look , what we say and how we say it.

1. How We Look

Whether you like it or not, dress is crucial. It says a lot about you: whether you care about how you look, or you don’t. But you don’t have to dress like a Hollywood celebrity to look good.

Here are some tips on how to dress for success:and

(1). Get a female friend or sister to help you pick your clothes
If you don’t know what to wear, get someone who does know! Ask a female friend or acquaintance to go shopping with you. She’s sure to be flattered, and if you reward her with a gift certificate or DVD, she’ll be all the more motivated to help you out.

(2). Check out the latest styles
Go to the bar or club and see what others are wearing. Observe what the guys who do well with women wear. Look in magazines and catalogues and see what it’s in style.

(3). Wear what conforms to your identity
Hey, if you’re the hardworking, businessman type, wear formal clothes that accent your career. If you’re the snowboarder/skater type, wear grungy clothes that accent your loose, laid-back persona. And if you’re really into music, don’t be afraid to express yourself with the types of clothes that rock stars and musicians like to wear! You can’t force a style upon yourself; clothes are a form of marketing, so market yourself like you would a product, in the way that best shows what you’re all about.

The same goes for your hair - if you want to convey a clean-cut, crisp image, then you might want to shave and cut your hair short. But if you’re trying to convey a rebel image, a goatee, long hair, and tattoos are probably in order.

And speaking of tattoos, don’t forget that they are an ACCESSORY that further helps you to market yourself. Tats, jewelry, and even hats are great ways to mold your image to the man you want to present to women. If you’re a snowboarder, for example, a wool hat says “Cool”. Or if you’re an aspiring rapper or musician, a doo rag has a place in your wardrobe. Consider the accessories that best conform to you as a person.

2. What We Say

Here are some great topics to talk about:

Your dreams
Let a girl know that you have a purpose and direction in your life, that you’re not a wandering bum!

Funny stories
Humor is a great aphrodisiac. Think about some funny things that have happened in your life. But make sure your delivery is good.

Her
The Dalai Lama said, “Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent.” Don’t be afraid to let a girl speak for a while. Be silent, but be interested. Actively listen to what she says. It’ll go a long way towards upping the attraction meter!

Teasing/Playing around.
This is a great technique, especially if you don’t know exactly what to talk about. Throw in an occasional joke or funny moment. I have a friend who has a great technique for handling silence. He laughs to himself, prompting the girl to ask, “What?” He’d say in a sly way that would invite curiosity, “Nah, you don’t want to know. I’m in deep thought.” She’d respond, “Tell me! Tell me!” So he’d do the whole Meow Mix song (”Meow meow meow meow…”). It’s just one of many great ways to lighten the moment, and show you’re a relaxed, none-too-serious person.

Last but not least, sex
One relationship guru brilliantly says, “TALKING about sex is the first step towards having it.” Ask her if she’s a bad girl, or what’s the craziest thing she’s ever done in her life with a bit of innuendo added into your voice. This isn’t the kind of stuff you want to talk about right away, but when things are going good, it’s great to show your “inner bad boy.” She’ll know what you mean, and get excited thinking about it.

Likewise, here are some topics that you SHOULD NOT talk about:

Offensive humor. Chris Rock’s racial humor may be entertaining, but it’s not a good topic for a first date!
Politics. There’s nothing to be gained by arguing over issues and parties.
Past girlfriends. An absolute no-no. All you do is play a game that makes one of you jealous or suspicious of the other. Stay away from this topic, but if she DOES ask you about past girlfriends, talk respectfully about them so you don’t come off as an insecure whiner.
Inside jokes between you and your friends. They’re called inside jokes for a reason–keep them that way!
Anything that could be interpreted as geeky or dorky, such as science-fiction. Unless you know for a fact that she’s into science fiction and comic books, keep it to yourself for now. The last thing you want to come across as is a geek!
Too much about yourself, your possessions, how great you are, etc. Bragging only makes you look insecure. Even if you own a yacht, don’t talk about it like it makes you any more special than her.

3. How We Say It
Of course, none of these topics, particularly funny stories, are gonna work if you don’t know to deliver them. Delivery in speech is crucial. People who have good delivery can make an otherwise dull story an exciting one. I highly suggest you read “Voice Power” by the aforementioned Renee grant Williams. Here are some tips she recommends:

(1). Use consonants
That is, accent your speech. If you’re talking about a great concert you went to, no one will believe it’s that great if you say in a monotone voice, “That was a great concert.” That puts people to sleep. Instead, say, “Man, that was a grrrreat concert!” The Tony the Tiger voice. If she says something, don’t say as if you’re bored, “Really.” Say, “Rrrreally?”, then, with emphasis, “WOW.” It works!

(2). Don’t use unnecessary words and details
If you’re talking about a time when you and your friends went to Cancun, don’t bother with the unnecessary details like the food they served on the plane, the wait for the taxi, or the sheets they used in the hotel. Get to the point!

(3). Silence
As Williams says, Silence does speak a thousand words. There’s nothing better than the “power pause”, especially when trying to captivate your listeners with a story of bravery. You can lead up to something powerful, then pause while the girl takes it in and after a few seconds of silence, say, “But that’s not all…”

(4). Drama and comedy
Don’t be afraid to sprinkle some dramatic and comedic flair into your speech. If you’re talking about a goofy incident with your buddy, laugh along with it. When you laugh, it’s a cue for other people to laugh. Chris Rock does this all the time; he laughs at his own scripts, and it has the power of making his routine all the funnier. Likewise, if you’re telling a dramatic story of something amazing like rescuing people from a car accident, talk with conviction and suspense. It really goes a long way towards spellbinding women; they love a great story, especially a heroic one.

(5). Use body language
It’s not enough to talk with your arms beside your side and your butt on your seat. Talk with your arms, with your hands, your body language creating a sense of excitement. It’s a fact: enthusiasm is contagious. So show some enthusiasm with your vocal and body languages!

Finally, change your pitch. If things are going well, lower your pitch, give her your best Barry White. If you’re talking about a funny moment, a louder, more excited pitch is probably best. Recognize the mood and alter your voice to conform to it.

Congratulations! You’re on your way to making great impressions on great women. Recognize the power of speech and appearance, and you’re bound to succeed.

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2007-10-23T22:37:00.001-07:00

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Insurance

2007-10-23T22:35:00.000-07:00

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New board for Life Underwriters Association

Caymen Net News - ... working relationships with the Cayman Islands Monetary Authority (CIMA), the Cayman Islands Insurance Association (CIIA), and the Caribbean Association of Insurance and Financial Advisors (CARAIFA). “As the umbrella organisation for regional life ... Read more...

Life Settlement Association Demonstrates Historic Value Provided to ...

Insurance News Net - ORLANDO, FL, August 29 / MARKET WIRE/ -- The Life Insurance Settlement Association (LISA) has published a major data report confirming the historic and present value to consumers provided by the life settlement industry. Commissioned by LISA, the ... Read more...

Source: M2 PressWIRE

Insurance News Net - The report also includes industry definition, 5-year historical trends on industry sales, establishments and employment and estimates on up to 10 sub-industries, including fraternal life insurance organizations, mutual association life insurance, and ... Read more...

Hearings into consumer credit insurance practices

Business Day South Africa - A HIGH powered panel of long- and short-term insurance experts has been appointed by the Life Offices’ Association (LOA) and the South African Insurance Association (SAIA) to delve into problem areas in the consumer credit insurance market during ... Read more...

Jackson(SM) Executive Vice President Clifford Jack to Deliver

MSN MoneyCentral - Jackson National Life Insurance Company(R) (Jackson(SM)) today announced that Executive Vice President Clifford Jack, incoming Chairman of NAVA, Inc., the Association for Insured Retirement Solutions, will be a keynote speaker at the trade ... Read more...

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2007-10-22T08:31:00.001-07:00

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How to Find Intimate Encounters Online

2007-10-22T08:03:00.001-07:00

An intimate online encounter can be yours if you know where to look and what steps to take to make it happen.
It’s even possible to take that online connection and move it offline -- into the realm of reality. All you need is a connection to the Internet, which you have, and a few great places to check out, which we have ready and waiting for you. Welcome to the world of online dating, or the search for intimate encounters online, depending on which angle you wish to take.

Online dating sites can be used to meet other adults in search of carnal pleasures. Although you can do this on any dating site, you might have more luck on some than others. Some sites set out to satisfy intimate desires. Any of the sites in our sex personals section fall into this category. The main difference between these sites and regular dating sites is that they have a higher tolerance for adult oriented material, including nude pictures, and some will give you access to free adult content as part of your membership fee. What’s the downside to using these sites for adult encounters? Let’s face it, there are more men who are strictly after sex than women. That’s not to say that there aren’t a bunch of eligible women on these sites. It’s just that the odds aren’t in your favor if you’re a guy. If you’re a woman, you will find yourself with more than enough attention to get your money’s worth.

The rules that apply in the real world for communication between people are the same for online encounters.

The other option when trolling for personal encounters of an intimate nature are general dating sites. Some have sections where you can go specifically for adult fun while almost all have an option where you can state your desires and search for others who have intimate encounters on their mind. This could be a better play. Who knows, on sites that cater to love as well as adult fun, you might just meet a person who ends up being two-in-one!

The rules that apply in the real world for communication between people are the same for online encounters. This means that you’ll meet more people and build better relationships if you’re polite, considerate, open, honest and real. Sleazy people make for scummy encounters – plain and simple. If you’re out for a quick fix, good luck. People will see you coming a mile away and give you the space you deserve. If you’re not into really connecting with people, you’re not going to find much luck online. However, if you have more on your mind than what is in someone’s pants, you may just find what you need through World Dating Online sites. Take a look at the column on the right side for some of your best options and good luck to you !

Using dating sites for casual sex ?

2007-10-22T08:02:00.002-07:00

Every so often there comes a time when you just want to use a dating site for casual sex connections. Sex is a need, after all, and who are you to stand in the way of the desires of your flesh? Using dating sites for casual sex makes sense. The costs are low and you can be as up front about what you’re looking for as you’d like. There are some unique considerations when it comes to casual sex on dating sites, though, which should be looked at.

There are more men than women who are using dating sites for casual sex. In the absence of hard numbers, I shall hazard a guess that the ratio is heavily in favor of women who are looking for intimate hookups. This means that guys have an uphill battle. I have friends on both sides of the gender fence that have sought and found casual affairs. It just might take longer to find a match if you’re a guy, so don’t get discouraged if it actually takes a bit of work before something comes of your casual sex-capades on dating sites.

Pick your casual sex-dating site for pleasure and get yourself set up for intimate bliss!

The actual process of finding a casual intimate relationship online can be as simple or difficult as you’d like to make it. It can be just as easy as changing your headline to “Casual Sex Dates Only.” Women are advised to stand well back from their inbox after posting something like that. The onslaught is sure to wow and amaze you. Guys, on the other hand, might find that their general mail slows after throwing up a sign that you’re really after sex. Apparently this whole casual sex thing isn’t as popular with females on dating sites or in life in general. If you would prefer to be a little more sly about it, you can simply enter a less-forward profile and heading in the intimate connections section of your favorite dating site or change your intentions to sex or play from committed relationship or whatever flag it is you’re currently flying. It will also help if you explain yourself a little better in your write up. Add things like why it is you’re looking for a casual sex relationship as opposed to any other. Write about what you’re looking to do, where you’re looking to do it and how you’d like it to be done. Be open and descriptive. It’s the best way to ensure that anyone who does come calling is on the same page as far as casual sex and dating are concerned.

There are many sites on the web that you can go to when looking for lust online. There are the more overt sites such as those found in our sex dating section. Each one specializes in intimate connections but buyers beware. Again, women shouldn’t have a problem, but the ratio of guys to girls here is certainly not in the men’s favor. The other route is to join a regular dating site and troll for options there. Some sites have special sections set up just for the purpose of casual sex dating. Other sites do it a little more discreetly, offering a side note on your profile where you can stipulate whether you’re looking for a serious relationship, a casual dating partner or something a little more intimate in nature. If this is more your style, you can check any of the dating sites listed in the columns on the left. Sign up for free and check out your options. If they have something set aside to suit your needs, you’re bound to see it. Pick your casual sex-dating site for pleasure and get yourself set up for intimate bliss!

Casual sex can suit different people at different stages in their life. It’s not something to feel ashamed about as long as it doesn’t go against your beliefs or the laws that govern a sane and proper society. Enjoy your casual sex adventures to the fullest. After all, it’s all about giving and receiving pleasure, and there are a lot of things in this world that are worse than that!

About adult sex chat online

2007-10-22T08:02:00.001-07:00

Sometimes online dating is strictly about primal urges and the desire to have a heart-to-heart sex chat with someone else.
When the need arises, you can try your luck on one of the many online communities on the Internet. Many sites are designed specifically to answer the call of the wild side of romance while others have special sections set aside. Unlike 976 numbers, you can often find a partner to share your interest with for the same cost as your monthly membership, which you can use for regular dating hookups after you find yourself satisfied. That’s money well spent! Or at least it seems to be for some. Others find that sex chat and dating sites are full of promise but short on delivery.

How you go about hooking up your sex chat session is up to you, but we recommend a level of decorum. After all, talking sinful surprises with an unwilling party isn’t very polite. Go slow at first. Ask and wait for a response that says you’re on the same page. You should outline what you’re into to ensure that everyone will be around for happy endings. Sex chat is like any relationship. If you want to experience the best it has to offer, talking to your friend and communicating needs and desires will help build a long relationship that goes being your initial rendezvous.

Hot, steamy sex chat that promises to short out your circuits takes two sides that need one another to reach their ultimate goals.

There are a lot of sites out there that promise the world but chatting about sex comes with a big price tag. Online dating communities are more about communication and relationship building than your average porn site. What do relationships have to do with erotic talk sessions? Hot, steamy sex chat that promises to short out your circuits takes two sides that need one another to reach their ultimate goals. Specific dating sites cater to adult pleasures and deliver a lineup of options to help get your urges into high gear.

Yet there are still more options available than the obvious choices. Many dating sites have erotic areas for chat that would fit the bill. Read our dating site reviews and see which sites offer an area for adult love. Sex chat can be built off any online relationship. Who knows, maybe you’ll even be able to take a budding relationship offline and into something much more meaningful. But always be careful when it comes to joining a dating site that focuses strictly on sex.

What to look for through Free Online Dating

2007-10-22T08:01:00.002-07:00

Are you interested in online dating? If so, you have two options to choose from when deciding on what service to use. You can either join a paid dating site that charges a monthly membership fee, or one that you can use free of charge. If you are money savvy, the best choice is obvious; you should sign up to use the free dating site. While saving money is always a good thing, there are other details that you should look into when trying to decide on what free dating site to join.

First things first, you will want to make sure that your site gives you the chance to upload a complete profile. Remember, this is what others will read, and it is more or less your “sales pitch.” If you cannot include information on yourself, you are not going to succeed; no matter if you are paying or not.

Additionally, you need to have the ability to upload pictures to the free dating site. Of course, uploading one picture may be good enough, but if you can add more than one you might as well do so. The more images that you can show others, the better chance you have of finding a mate. After all, most people want to know what the other person looks like before they decide to go on a date, etc.

Finally, choose a free dating site that has a good reputation. There are many up and coming sites that have a lot to offer. If you find one that you really like, you will have a much better chance of sticking with them for a long time.

Overall, choosing a free dating site can be a lot of fun. And if you begin to use the right one you will definitely find that your time both online and in the dating world is much more enjoyable.

Why people fall in love online so quickly

2007-10-22T08:01:00.001-07:00

More and more people these days are finding love online be it due to time constraints, unsociable working hours or simply the death of the community, but one thing is for sure, this is the fastest growing way to meet potential partners, however it has it's pitfalls. Whilst online dating agencies may offer a quick way to meeting these partners, Instant Messaging using programs such as ICQ, MSN, or Odigo offer a lightning speed way of getting very intimate, very quickly. It is so quick because you can be just who you want to be when you are chatting online, no one will see you blush if you say something wrong and most importantly, it allows you to take risks that you would never dream of taking in the real world. The most powerful aspect of this all though is that we paint our own picture in our minds of what the other person is without all those non-verbal cues such as facial expressions and mannerisms that subconsciously in the real world tell us valuable things about the person. In short, with our own beautifully created perception of the person, fall for them. So why do we as intelligent human beings end up falling for people we have never even met before? The answer is simple…we want to be in love, we so want to tell ourselves that the searching for our soul mate is over and with that we picture our lives in a blissful sea of coupledom, sharing our lives together. Sadly it is this haste to end our single lives that can lead to disappointment as quickly as it started.

Meeting Your online love for the first time

Sooner or later the question of actually meeting in person will come up and whilst many people would say it's better to take your time and let the online relationship develop, I strongly believe that the sooner you do it, the better. If you leave it too long, then the impression you have built up of this person will be so deep rooted that your expectations will be far too high and you will be set for disappointment. The other point is if you have been a lot more confident chatting than you would be in real life, how are you going to be able to keep up that persona? You may end up competing with yourself. So assuming that you are both happy with the length of time the romance has been going on for and you decide to meet, what will it be like? It will be quite strange to begin with. You may find that although you have been up most nights until 5 in the morning chatting, you find it hard to talk about things in the flesh. This is perfectly natural as the two of you are having to almost re-learn the parameters of the relationship and digest the visual cues that our mannerisms and facial expressions provide. It will be a nerve racking time as we have to decide there and then if these mannerisms and even physical odours are compatible with us. If you can pass that first test, then things get a lot easier. Do however be very careful if you are traveling abroad to meet someone because if things fail at this first hurdle, then you are totally stuck on your own in a foreign country.

Passed first base, what next?

Having gone through this initial nerve racking first meeting, there is often a huge temptation to revert back to an 'online relationship' as it feels so much more comfortable, but I cannot stress enough to resist that temptation. Slip back into the old online chatting routine and the online persona won't die. The transition from online to offline relationship can be extremely difficult but at all costs, you must get to know the real person from a new offline perspective and kill off any false impressions you may have had about them online. Going back to the online chatting routine may make you feel all warm and fuzzy again, but it can be an unrealistic perception of who the person really is.

In Summary

This all may seem a little negative and in some cases may not even apply, but overall, forewarned is forearmed. There are of course many people who have made a success of their relationship by Instant Messaging and some are even married now but it really pays to be aware of how feelings can be distorted by the shield of an anonymous nickname and a computer monitor.

Secrets of Strippers

2007-10-22T08:00:00.001-07:00

Flaunting your fertility makes for big tips. The showgirl's guide to maximizing income.
Unlike their sisters in the animal kingdom, human females don't openly advertise their ovulation. But even without a human version of the baboon's bright pink behind, signs of fertility sneak out, according to several studies. Subconsciously, women dress more provocatively and men find them prettier when it's prime time for conception. And a report from the University of New Mexico demonstrates that the cyclic signs have economic consequences.

Psychologist Geoffrey Miller and colleagues tapped the talent at local gentlemen's clubs and counted tips made on lap dances. Dancers made about $70 an hour during their peak period of fertility, versus about $35 while menstruating and $50 in between.

Miller links the wage fluctuations to changes in body odor, waist-to-hip ratio, and facial features. Despite operating at the upper limits of flirtatiousness already, he says there may also be subtle shifts in their behavior—"how they talk and move when enticing a customer to buy a dance, and how they perform the dance itself."

Women on the pill averaged $37 (and had no performance peak) versus $53 for women off-pill. The contraceptive produces hormonal cues indicating early pregnancy, not an enticing target for a would-be suitor. Birth control could lead to many thousands of dollars lost every year.

The researchers were surprised that almost no one in the business had noticed the pattern before. But if you're a woman in any service-industry job looking to maximize your tips, Miller suggests scheduling more shifts for the phase right before ovulation: "It might help to know about this so that you can exploit these effects."

An Inside Look at S&M

2007-10-22T07:59:00.002-07:00

Kinky sex: inside S&M
It's the ultimate break from thoroughly modern stresses on the self.

You've got a respectably high-powered job. Maybe it's even visible one. You are regularly making difficult decisions that affect the lives of others, perhaps many others. You need to maintain a highly polished self-image. You like to feel in personal control. You're constantly advancing your independence, your responsibility, your success.

So how do you take a break? If you're like an unknown number of others, perhaps you've already signed up for a spanking.

Across the country, from sophisticated cities to subdued suburbs, men and women are acting out fantasies of sexual domination and submission. With their own partners or specially hired ones, they're turning to rituals of sadomasochism. To borrow their own favorite term, they've happily become "sex slaves" to their submissive desires.

These are people--a minority of both sexes--who desire to be tied up, handcuffed, gagged, or bound in uncomfortable positions; adults who desire to be whipped or tormented with droplets of hot wax on bare skin. Some write longingly of receiving "an old-fashioned, bare-bottom, over-the-knee spanking." Others desire to be embarrassed, verbally insulted, given commands, made to walk on all fours like a dog, or displayed naked in front of others who are fully clothed.

"The mainstream mild submissive will have one or two favorites," psychologist Roy E Baumeister, Ph.D., reports. For many people, submission goes no further than wanting to make love blindfolded once in a while.

Have they thoroughly lost their minds? Probably not, contends Baumeister. At a symposium on "Bizarre Behavior: The Social Animal at the Outer Limits," psychologists learned what has previously eluded behavioral experts of all stripes: how to make sense of sadomasochism. Masochists, Baumeister believes, are taking a breather from the growing burden of selfhood.

Relief From the Needy Self

Why would anyone want to escape awareness of the self? Because while a self is a handy, even a necessary, thing to have, it's also very needy. It requires constant upkeep and maintenance. You have to work hard just to maintain a positive self-image. Or "to be in control."

"Modern Western culture has placed enormous and unprecedented demands on individual selfhood," Baumeister observes. "The self is an unending project, throughout life, that constantly needs to be built up and defended. It has to prove capable and autonomous and attractive, along with everything else. As such it is a source of stress, and hence worry and pressure."

And if there's one thing stress research has taught us, it's that any respite from vulnerability is a good thing.

Baumeister, professor of psychology at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, reports that his analysis of the writings of masochistic men and women reveal consistent themes that run counter to usual human strivings:

o Loss of control---captured in bondage fantasies, involving devices like ropes, handcuffs, and gags.

o Humiliation--the elaborate, exquisitely detailed humiliations masochists desire (spanking is just the beginning) signify abandonment of the pursuit of self-esteem.

o Pain--normally something the self goes to great lengths to avoid, but sought out by masochists; a great destructor from self-reflection.

If masochism is about contradicting one's identity, then socioeconomic status reveals masochists for what they are. "Masochists seem to be drawn largely from the privileged classes," Baumeister finds. They are above average in education and income. "Society's real victims do not seek out masochistic sex. Rather it is often the rich, powerful, and successful, the people with the heaviest burdens of selfhood, who need the escape of masochism."

Of course, masochists are not really out to ditch their selves. Nor do they want to be sex slaves in reality. They want the fantasy of shedding their own identity, with its autonomy and responsibility, and submitting entirely to the will of another.

With sexual pleasure thrown into the bargain--because it's a great reinforcer of submissive acts. "Studies of actual couples who practice these things suggest that total full-time sexual slavery is fairly impractical and therefore relatively uncommon," Baumeister reports.

Fantasies of sexual submission turn out to be particularly common among women, more so than among men, even though men engage in more masochistic practices than women. (Then again, men engage more in most forms of unusual sexual behavior.)

Women Are Not Masochistic

But that is not grist for that old Freudian canard that femininity is masochistic. Instead, Baumeister believes, submission is essentially feminine, one version--a cartoon one, at that--of a feminine ideal. Consider these findings:

o One common masochistic fantasy involves symbolic sex change--and given the rootedness of identity in gender, there's no clearer way to shed an identity than by changing gender. But the sex change is always one way: from male to female, never from female to male.

o Up to a third of all women may have fantasies of being dominated sexually (although few act them out).

That's why Baumeister thinks female masochistic fantasies hold the key to understanding submissive behavior in general. "If anything, female masochists desire to be turned into an extreme caricature version of femininity, something far removed from their normal selves."

A common female masochistic fantasy is submission based on having one's body displayed to others. One of Baumeister's favorite--perhaps apocryphal--stories is that of a woman whose husband threw her a birthday party, inviting lots of people. She was posed nude and spread-eagle on the hors d'oeuvre table. Every party-goer who reached for a cracker or the vegetable dip had to reach across her bare self.

The audience factor, observes Baumeister, drives home the point of the entire enterprise: There's nothing like other people's attention to dramatize the transformation of self. Not only is this form of attention contrary to the standard adult role, but "it crosses some sexual boundary, as in doing something you object to."

Maybe you have masochistic fantasies that contain some new kind of sex act. Or a first homosexual experience. Or something highly degrading. And that is exactly the point -- the shocking degree to which you can, with a little imagination, shed your normal self.

About Sex Shockers

2007-10-22T07:59:00.001-07:00

Everything you know about sex is only a first step. Most advice for couples doesn't go far enough—as a result, basic truths about long-term passion are surprising.
We can all recite the mantras of modern sex advice: Tell your partner what you want; focus on how your body feels; relax. Since it's only natural, goes this idea, great sex is a matter of getting over your hang-ups, loving your partner and "letting go."

Yet something doesn't add up, as the huge market for self-help books and advice columnists proves. As a nation, we're not getting any. We crave sexual bliss—but all our relaxing and getting-in-touch isn't helping most of us. When the standard advice doesn't work, you feel like a failure: Too uptight. Not "in your body." Worse, maybe you're not really in love.

While the "relax and connect" advice isn't wrong, it's just a first step, addressing mechanics rather than the deeper dynamics at the heart of sexuality.

Many people don't really want great sex. Good sexual experiences can be emotionally overpowering—mind-blowing, rather than warm and comforting. Lusty sex requires you to confront all kinds of worries—getting so close to your partner that he or she overwhelms you, or being rejected at an intensely vulnerable moment. It may even put you in touch with your own mortality, reminding you that your partner won't always be around. Great sex requires inner reserves to tolerate the angst.
It gets better with age. Even though young people get aroused more quickly, amazing sex is a specialty of people in their 40s and 60s, contends Schnarch. In youth, women struggle to be sexual but not "cheap"; men are easily threatened. Midway through life, you have a stronger sense of self and are less self-conscious and insecure.
Compromise may not work. Trade-offs (I'll do this if you'll do that) may seem egalitarian, but in practice, each partner rules out anything that makes him or her uptight. The couple is left with a limited repertoire that guarantees boredom, not to mention scorekeeping and resentment when one partner is less enthusiastic than the other. Better to take the initiative and challenge yourself to try something new.
Women like hot sex. Women are often much more interested than men in talking about "fucking"—horny, lusty, intense sex—Schnarch reports. But in bed, they often hold back out of shame or fear of making their partner feel inadequate. A lot of couples think that married sex is supposed to be gentle, affectionate "making love"—and feel guilty if they want to get nasty.
Sex isn't a skill. The hoopla about techniques is a red herring. If you think of sex as a set of talents, you're going to wind up focused on doing it right, rather than on who you're doing it with. Likewise, giving your partner a technical playbook (there but not here, this way and not that way) leads to mechanically proficient, predictable and emotionally dead sex. You may also not know exactly what you want—it changes! Pushing your own limits by organically exploring new sexual styles fosters more sizzle.
Cancel the orgasm derby. More orgasms don't equal better sex. Lots of people can perform in bed—all the parts work just fine—but are never really satisfied, because they're too emotionally disconnected. That's usually said about men rather than women, but both sexes are capable of being physically aroused without getting any erotic charge, and both can have orgasms without really enjoying the sex. Instead of focusing on orgasms, pay more attention to the emotional and physical connection: Can you become intensely aware of your partner during sex? Can you make contact?
Tune in—don't space out. Shutting down your brain, focusing on your sensations and going into a trance state, or fantasizing about others, all of which sex therapists often recommend, may help you have decent sex, since it can jump-start your engine. But by zeroing in on your body or your thoughts alone, you've tuned out your partner. You're also vulnerable to distractions: The mood can easily be shattered by a car alarm. Shifting your focus to include your partner can make the experience much more intense.

Men's and Women's Sex Dreams

2007-10-22T07:58:00.001-07:00

Study Shows 8% of Men's and Women's Dreams Involve Sexual Content.

June 14, 2007 -- Sex dreams make up 8% of men's and women's dreams, a University of Montreal researcher announced today.

Antonio Zadra, PhD, asked 109 women and 64 men to keep a dream diary for two to four weeks. Participants were about 30 years old, on average.

According to Zadra, only two other studies have probed the frequency and content of sexual dreams, and both of those studies were done more than 40 years ago.

In Zadra's study, participants jotted down every dream they had, whether it was sexual or not. All in all, they noted 3,564 dreams. Of those dreams, 292 included sexual content.

"Sexual intercourse was the most common type of sexual content, followed by sexual propositions, kissing, and fantasies," Zadra writes.

For men and women alike, sexual dreams accounted for 8% of all reported dreams. Zadra also notes that "masturbation accounted for approximately 6% of both male and female sexual dreams and an orgasm was experienced in approximately 4% of all sexual dreams."

However, there were some gender differences in sex dreams.

"Men's sexual dreams were more likely to take place in public or unknown settings, to have the dreamer initiate sexual contact, and to involve unknown characters or multiple partners," Zadra writes, adding that "gender differences in the content of everyday sexual dreams may reflect people's waking needs, experiences, attitudes, and concerns with respect to sexuality."

His findings were presented today in Minneapolis at Sleep 2007, a joint venture of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine and the Sleep Research Society.

Why dates over for no real reason

2007-10-22T07:57:00.000-07:00

There seems to be a new phenomenon of late whereby a first date seems to go extremely well and may well lead on to a second date and then all of a sudden it's over. Why would this happen when everything seemed so right? The chemistry was there, shared interests and the kissing was good too so what happened? I wish I had an answer to this one as it has happened to me a couple of times and each time it has left me pondering how many different variables are involved in making a successful relationship. I do however have some theories that may at least ease the pain of the rejection.

Firstly, people are complicated when it comes to issues of the heart and to the most part we have spent many years cultivating in our heads just what our ideal partner would be. These expectations we have of people can put an enormous strain on a forming relationship and it is important to give people a little leeway. Understandably, people do make allowances for failed expectations however the truth is that a little too much wine can lower our expectations a little too much and make us act in a way that is not true to our real feelings. It's only when the date is over and the effects of alcohol subside do we realize that the person really isn't suitable at all.

Secondly, most people have some sort of emotional baggage whether that takes the form of an unresolved previous relationship or emotional fear of becoming attached again. I have often wished that people could be more up front about any concerns like this but often they are not and unfortunately, people find it easier to lie themselves out of a difficult emotional situation.

Thirdly, an old boyfriend or girlfriend wants them back and your date was in a sense using you to see if they are up to starting another relationship or not. This situation is probably the worst as you will find it extremely difficult to compete with someone your date has history with. On old partner will not require all the time and effort involved in starting again and represents a comfortable way out of the dating scene.

Finally, and possibly the most difficult to swallow is that perhaps you were just too keen and got a little carried away. It's such a hard balancing act to do, knowing when the time is right to open up your emotions to someone and yet be sure that you're not making yourself too vulnerable. It's even harder when all the signals are telling you that it's ok to be swept away, especially if the date has taken on quite an intimate nature.

So what can you do now? The most sensible thing you can do is to reflect on what has happened and file it away in your experience drawer in the safe knowledge that you are that much wiser on the dating scene. Take it slower next time and don't be too quick to allow yourself to fall. Be sure the signs are right and trust your instincts. If there is a niggling doubt in your mind about something, generally there is something wrong and it's only the ecstasy of falling in love that is preventing you from facing it.

How to Know if Your Love is Real

2007-10-22T07:55:00.000-07:00

Is your love real? Is it Love or Lust?
You've met someone great online. The two of you seem to have hit it off and memories are building with each passing day. But how do you know if it is truly love that will last or if your feelings and the relationship are just a temporary attraction?

In a lifetime, the average person falls in love at least four times. But is it really love? Here are the communication, love, and respect signs to be aware of before you decide if the one you're dating is the right one for you:

1. Communication
Being honest with each other in a relationship is very important and it is also important that you get to know the person properly before you commit yourself. How well do you know each other? Is the only talking you do bedroom talk?

Good Signs:

* You talk openly about life issues such as finances, children, things that frighten you, and each other's ambitions in life.

* You can argue and come to some sort of compromise at the end of it.

* You are open and honest with each other about your feelings.

Warning Signs:

* You only know his favorite color and what paper he reads. You are afraid to ask him in-depth questions about his life for fear of rejection or for fear of what you might find out.

* You don’t discuss how you are feeling with each other and the frustration builds up in each of you, often causing you to resent each other.

* Neither of you is willing to forgive the other.

2. Love
A long lasting relationship/marriage can rarely survive without love. So is it love or are you just kidding yourself?
Good Signs:

* In a crisis you stand by each other no matter what the result.

* You make sacrifices to make the other person happy.

* You are truthful and honest and don’t keep secrets from one another.

* You are emotionally, physically, and mentally compatible.

* You are friends as well as lovers.

Warning Signs:

* When the going gets tough, your partner gets going.

* Your partner has an eye for members of the opposite sex and has proved to be untrustworthy.
* Your partner lies to you about where he/she has been and only confesses when you find out the truth.
* There is little physical affection, laughter, or communication between the two of you.

* Your has been unfaithful on numerous occasions.

3. Respect
A relationship is about friendship, respect, and acceptance of one another. When there is lack of respect for the other trust and respect is replaced by suspicion and can slowly grow to hatred.

Good Signs:

* You are aware of your partner’s faults and are able to accept some imperfections.

* You support and encourage each other’s individual interests and identity.

* You take the time to listen and understand the other’s point opinion.

Warning Signs:

* You criticize each other in front of others.

* Your partner will not give you space to indulge in your interests and wants to spend every minute of the day with you.

* You are constantly struggling to live up to your partner's standards or the person you think your partner wants you to be.

* You can’t forgive and/or forget each other’s mistakes.

Be aware and objective about your relationship. If you can't nurture it, then it may be time to leave. If it's strong, then building upon mutual love, respect, and communication will only make it stronger.

Teens and Sex

2007-10-22T07:54:00.000-07:00

Why teens start having sex in the first place. Environment, age of partner and perceived family support may affect young people's decisions to have sex.

While the media bombards us with alarming statistics about the number of teenagers having sex, few reports shed light on what might encourage teens to become sexually active in the first place. Three studies offer some insight into sexually active teens: environment, age of partner and perceived family support may affect young people's decisions to have sex.

In a study presented at a meeting of the American Public Health Association (APHA), researchers at the University of Kentucky followed 950 teenagers at 17 high schools in Kentucky and Ohio from 9th to 11th grades. They found evidence that teens who have intercourse tend to think their friends are too, even if they're not. "You're 2.5 times more likely to have sex by the 9th grade if you think your friends are having sex -- whether or not they really are," says Katharine Atwood, assistant professor at the Kentucky School of Public Health. Plus, teens tended to overestimate how many of their friends were sexually active. Only 33 percent of kids in the study had had sex by the 9th grade, but 31 percent said that most or all of their friends had had sex. "If you can persuade them that fewer are having sex than they think," she says, "that can have a significant impact on their behavior."

Among young girls, a partner's age is a risk factor for sexual activity. "The younger the girl is at the age of first intercourse, the more likely she is to have a much older partner," says Harold Leitenberg, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Vermont. His study, published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, found that of 4,201 girls in 8th through 12th grades, those who lost their virginity between ages 11 and 12 tended to have partners five or more years older. For girls who had sex later in adolescence, the partner's age disparity was much smaller. Early sexual initiation was also associated with a number of behavioral problems. "Ignoring the age of the partners, the earlier a girl was when she first had intercourse, the greater her risk of suicide attempts, alcohol use, drug abuse, truancy and pregnancy," Leitenberg says.

The good news is that while teen sex may not be wholly preventable, the health risks it involves can be reduced through communication within the family. More research presented at the APHA meeting showed that frequent parent-child discussions about sex and its dangers may prevent teenagers from engaging in risky sexual behavior. Researchers at Emory University questioned 522 sexually active African-American adolescents about the openness and support that their families provided. Adolescents who felt that their families were more supportive were less likely to have unprotected sex, and thus were at a lesser risk for pregnancy and disease.

Love But Don't Touch

2007-10-22T07:53:00.000-07:00

Blasts From the Past

People may be exceptionally vulnerable to affairs when they reconnect with someone from their past, for whom they may have long harbored feelings. "It's very common online," says Vaughan. "You go on the Internet, and the first thing you say to yourself is, 'What happened to so and so?' Then you go find them."

Lorraine and Sam had been high school friends during the Sixties, and even camped out together at Woodstock in 1969. In love with Sam but "awed by his brilliance," Lorraine remained too shy to confess. Then he went off to the University of Chicago while she stayed in New Jersey. She married and had a family, but the idea of Sam still smoldered: If only she had admitted her love!

One day she Googled him and located him in Chicago—and they began to correspond by e-mail. He was a partner in a law firm, had a physician wife and coached his daughter's Little League team. "Originally I e-mailed just to say, 'hi,'" she explains. But after a few friendly notes, Sam sent a confession. He'd always been in love with her. But her beauty had daunted him, so he'd settled for a plain, practical woman—his wife—instead. E-mails and then phone calls between Lorraine and Sam soon became constant, whipping both of them into a frenzy of heat and remorse. "I can't stop thinking about you. I'm obsessed," one of Sam's e-mails said. But Sam could never get away, never meet face-to-face. "I feel so guilty," he confessed.

That's when Lorraine stopped sending e-mails or taking his calls. "He was a coward," she says, adding that he disappointed her even more by "begging to continue the affair over the phone."

What kind of person chooses to remain immersed in fantasy? It could be someone who "compartmentalizes the two relationships," psychologist Janis Abrahms Spring suggests. "The person may not want to replace the marriage partner, but may want that extra high."

Women in Love

Frank Pittman, author of Private Lies, says that Lorraine lucked out. If she's like most of those involved in Internet affairs, "the face-to-face meeting would have killed it." And if she'd run off with Sam, it probably would have been far worse. "In the history of these crazy romantic affairs, when people throw everything away for a fantasy, the success rate of the new relationship is very low," he explains.

But Lorraine was just acting true to her gender. It is the woman who typically pushes the relationship from friendship to love, from virtual to actual, says Pittman. It's the woman who gets so emotionally involved she sees the affair as a possible replacement for her marriage—even if her marriage is good—and wants to test that out.

American University professor of psychology and affair expert Barry McCarthy explains that for men, "most affairs are high opportunity and low involvement. For women, an affair is more emotional. President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky are the prototypes," he says.

How does this translate to emotional infidelity, where opportunity may be thwarted but emotion reigns supreme? Some men have begun following female patterns, placing more emphasis on emotion than in the past, while women are increasingly open to sex, especially as they achieve more financial independence and have less to fear from divorce.

Even so, says Peggy Vaughan, women are usually far more involved in these relationships than men. A woman may languish for years in the throes of her "special friendship," while her male counterpart considers it a nice addition to the life he already has. As a result, men and women involved in emotional dalliances often see the same affair in different ways. The woman will see her soul mate, and the man will be having fun. Sometimes, says Ben-Ze'ev, a woman will feel totally invested in an affair, but her partner will be conducting two or even four such affairs at once. (The pattern holds for consummated affairs, too.)

For women, the dangers are great. When an emotional affair results in sex, the man's interest usually cools instantly, says Pittman. Meanwhile, husbands are less forgiving than wives, making it more likely for a woman caught up in such an entanglement to be slammed with divorce.

Total Transparency?

With easy access to emotional relationships so powerful they pass for love, how can we keep our primary relationships intact? Psychotherapist M. Gary Neuman of Miami Beach, author of Emotional Infidelity, draws a hard line, advocating a rigorous affair-avoidance strategy that includes such strictures as refusing to dance or even eat lunch with a member of the opposite sex. Vaughan suggests we put transparency in our Web dealings—no secret e-mail accounts or correspondence a partner wouldn't be welcome to see.

Others say such prescriptives may be extreme. "Some Internet relationships are playful," Turkle comments. "People may take on different identities or express different aspects of self; an introvert can play at extroversion, a man at being a woman." The experience may be transformative or casual. "Someone may want just a chess partner, and the technology allows for that."

But if you're going to permit some leeway in the context of your marriage, where do you draw the line? "It's a slippery slope," says Ben-Ze'ev. "You may set limits with your spouse—no phone contact, don't take it off the screen. But people can break the deal. It is a profound human characteristic that sometimes we cross the line."

At best, notes Turkle, a serious emotional affair can alert you to problems in the primary relationship. The injured partner can view it as "a wake-up call" that needs are not being met.

It was perhaps no more than the glimmer of that alarm that enabled Brendan and Lauren to navigate back home. For both, that happened when fantasy clashed with reality—especially when they needed to pull together and care for their sick son. Brendan told Lauren he wanted to take some time to "visit his dad," when his intent was to see his old girlfriend. "I'm so exhausted. Please don't go," Lauren had said, finally asking for help. Using the excuse of a book deadline, she soon began answering e-mails from her online partner only sporadically, then hardly at all.

What had caused them to pull back? On one level it was the need to care for their child, but on another, it was the realization that their online affairs had been a diversion from intimacy, not intimacy itself.

"The idea of actually meeting made me feel ill. I was relieved when Lauren asked me to help at home," Brendan confesses.

"There was so much about my life I never discussed in those e-mails," says Lauren. "In the end, all that witty, arch banter was just a persona, and another job."

Improving communication through BODY LANGUAGE

2007-10-22T07:52:00.002-07:00

If you really enjoy meeting people but tend to get nervous in social settings, there are a few things you can do to improve your situation. Above all, you must generate a positive attitude about it. If you think of socializing as stressful and difficult, others will sense that and be reluctant to approach you. Transmit confidence with positive body language and facial expressions. Stand up straight-don’t slouch. Make brief eye contact (not a blatant stare) instead of turning away or looking at the floor. If you get nervous, encourage contact and conversation by carrying a prop such as a book or magazine or an eye-catching accessory. Such an item will give others with common interests a reason to come over and talk to you.

Nervous people tend to sag their shoulders, lock their arms tightly around their bodies, stand rigidly, and stare at the ground or dart their eyes around. Confident people have an open stance, make eye contact, and lean toward the person they’re talking to. If close enough, they often show interest by lightly brushing your arm or shoulder to make a point.

Another way to be approachable, even if your heart is pounding with anxiety, is just to breathe deeply and smile. It’s hard to feel negative when there’s a smile on your face. The smile is a universal symbol of friendship and it draws people to you. Smile often and (as the old song says) the whole world will smile with you!

Body language can turn people away but it can also invites them to approach you. Some “do’s” and “don’ts”.

Don’ts:

Lack of eye contact
Continual throat-clearing
Covering mouth with hands
Tugging at clothes
Jingling things in pockets
Fidgeting with accessories or clothes
Hand-wringing
Frowning or grimacing
Stepping backward or away

Do’s

Steady eye contact
Smiling
Leaning toward a person
Sitting on the edge of a chair
Periodic hand-to-face gestures
Moistening or licking lips
Watching someone else’s mouth as he talks
Arms at sides, as opposed to crossed
Brief physical contact (nonsexual)
Pointing arms, legs, or feet or all of the body toward a person