Jax in a Box.

well hi there.

2005-06-18T03:23:00.000-07:00

yes, yes it has been a bit now hasn't it? you love it. no i do.

lordy, i really have no idea where to even start. or if i even should. i've been experiencing a (an?) hormonal rager the past couple of days. my poor boy. my poor sweet boy. god love him. i know i do.

things are better than well. i bid adieu to the coorporate devil, and give a sugary *kiss* *kiss* to mom and pop's.

not sure where things will lead, but it's a pinhole of light that i appreciate. treasure even.

how lucky am i. damn this shoe-gazer indie tunage.

my optimism (idealism maybe). blame it on my friends. my liquor. me.

lord help me if i start to think i'm a poet.

for the sake of sighing.

2005-04-08T13:10:00.000-07:00

let the trumpets start playing, because this is my official return to my blogging throne. don't get too excited, i fear the random tid-bits i'm about to divulge about my life may not be as entertaining as you'd hoped.

my saturday night activity? blogging. yep. i went out for drinks after work last night. got drunkies. i admit it. i was d.r.u.n.k. feeling it today. i just can't drink like i used to. i remember drinking when i was fifteen in germany, and never once knowing what a hangover felt like. until i reached college. then mr. hangover and i became best friends for 4 years. today we've spent some quality time rekindling our dear friendship.

i'm watching animal cops on animal planet. they're catching domesticated white rabbits in a backyard. it's hilarious. the guy was saying that there are still some rabbits "at large". that is hilarious. i think i'm done watching t.v. for the night when that is as amusing as it is to me right now. white rabbits at large. heh.

slap happy.

2005-03-03T15:16:00.000-08:00

Back in effect, as they say.

Got spanked hardcore by the parking gods on Tuesaday - I gave about $900 to the city so that 20 police cruisers can get new cup holders, and the ladies in the DPT department can get new ergonomic office chairs. That was fun. Standing in line with all the other DPT victims, it was all I could do not to lead them in a revolt. It is unreal how much money the city makes off of us. For what? Parking somewhere for a couple minutes too long, part of your car being parked where the curb is painted red, whatever. It is ludicris. I'm getting all worked up just thinking about it. You are now officially updated on my life. Onwards and upwards as they say.

Back to Dashboard

2005-01-26T01:51:00.000-08:00

I should never give anyone shit for not blogging. Look at me - it's been since New Years.

Living the life I live the best I know how. Qoöl LA was an absolute blast (I'll post pictures soon). Pulled the surprise off on J & S better than I could've asked for. I went to Disneyland for the first time in my life *gasp*. Yes, yes I know. I was an underprivelaged child. Actually, I went to Disneyworld when I was 6, but my memories of that trip are vague and somewhat distorted. All I remember is screaming bloody murder on Space Mountain and having a really bad stomach ache at some crazy theme restaurant after the parade where all the floats are lit up with xmas lights. Oh, and Seaworld. I remember feeling sorry for Shamu (is that how you spell her name?) as she was performing lame tricks in an over-chlorinated-too-small tank.

I spent today in cleaning mode. I let my environment fester in clutter for a while to the point where my room becomes overrun with laundry (clean and dirty mind you) and loose cds, and then I go into "the zone". I cleaned our kitchen, living room, and bedroom like a maniac today. I couldn't bring myself to organize the CDs. Thats a project in and of itself. There's something cathartic in cleaning. I feel like I can breath again.

My life is in a good place. I'm content in the moment for the first time in a long time. It's been awhile since I've allowed myself to be that. I'm usually so focused on my future I forget to appreciate the now. It helps having an amazing boy/relationship, and equally as amazing friends. I know this year will be a good one for me. A year where I step into a direction. What direction that will be I'm still trying to figure out. I'm contemplating business school so I can get the information/education/debt I need to eventually start my own business of some sort. I know I need to be independent in that way - not work for any one but myself. I think that's why I was so focused on film (well, I still am focused on it. It's definitely not out of the picture). Complete control. That's what it's all about for me. So, figuring that out is big for me.

So that's where I am. Where the hell are you?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot.

2005-01-04T14:43:00.000-08:00

A new year. Can't believe it. What the hell happened? A recap of the year. Whoa. Harder than I thought. Forget it.

I guess this is a time where one is supposed to make resolutions - promises to oneself. When I had dinner with the family two nights ago we went around the table and said our resolutions. My brother Christian: To buy, or be in a position to buy, a house by the end of the year. My brother Mark: To not eat seconds at dinner. Me? Well, I said to either a) Go back to school or b) Further my career in some capacity. As soon as I said this Mark jumped on me saying "Can you get any more general?" And for once I think he may be right. I read my horoscope today, and it said something to the same effect. Stop focusing on the the greater picture, and start looking at the small changes you can make that can lead to a greater change. I guess what this means is that I need to take things day by day. Resolve to make small changes in my life that will set me up for the bigger ones. I know I'm guilty of looking too far ahead - stressing over the fact that I'm not where I think I should be. In the end, all it means is that I end up being distracted to the point where I'm not paying attention, or doing anything about, what is now. Now.

I suppose you might be wondering the significance of the title of this blog. I've lived in many places, and made a lot of friends. If I have one regret, it's not keeping in touch with these people. Granted, there are a handful I still make the conscious effort to "talk" to once or twice a year. Yeah, I said "year". Jessica and Sharon in North Carolina. Germany? Well, I lost touch with most of those kids a year or two or go. Davis? Well, my closest friends there are my closest friends still to this day. I wish I was the type to write all those people that were so important to me in the moment - at that time. But, I rationalize it. I figure that those people were important to me *at that time*. I think about them a lot - that should count for something. But now? Now, I think those people wouldn't really "get" me. The whole "sum of parts" concept. I'm still me. Still Jackie. But I'm the whole me now. Not the 3/4 or 1/2 that I was when I was in Germany or NC.

So, Nina, Christina, Olivia, Casey, Mike, Michael, Matthew, Alyssa, Hannah, Sandy, Corey, Justin, Christina, Sam, Paula, Melissa, Melina, Boogie, Andrew, and anyone else who shared those moments with me - I think of you. And I think of you often. I hope you are happy and well and living the lives you hoped and wished you would.

Porkchop Shmorkchop

2004-12-21T17:32:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update on my evening yesterday. I left the house on the way to pick up my brother to discover my car had been towed (literally 5 minutes before I came outside). I apparently was blocking a driveway. We get to the restaurant only to discover.......the porkchop was not on the menu. Ummm....yea. And that is all.

Drei Luftballoons.

2004-12-20T15:50:00.000-08:00

On my way into work this morning I saw three balloons tangled in a powerline at the intersection of 2nd and Brannan. Not a big deal really, but the balloons were my favorite combination of colors - pink/red, orange, and yellow. Fire colors. I was listening to Múm (ethereal indie soundscapes), and seeing those balloons seemed strangely profound. I'm not quite sure why. I think the music made that sight....poetic.

With the new year rapidly approaching, my thoughts today have of course been turning in the direction of, "Where the hell is my life going?" Not to say I'm not happy where I am for the most part - I'm surrounded by a lot of love, a lot of soul, and a lot of trust and loyalty on a lot of different levels. I live in a beautiful home with kickass roommates. I have a job that a lot of people would love to have because I work for amazing guys, and my work is *gasp* fun. I have all of this, and yet there is this underlying uneasiness. As if I'm antsy to get on with my life. Like my life is stagnant. I'm not sure what to do. I am sure of everything else in my life - from what I want to wear, to what I want to eat, to what movie I want to see, to who I want to hang out with - everything but what I want to do with my life. That is a big "decision". I shy away from saying decision, because I honestly feel like life is going to make the decision for me, not the other way around. Maybe I'm a naive fool to believe this. I almost feel like I'm waiting for my purpose to fall in my lap. The drive is there for whatever it is, but right now I'm the equivalent of a car whose engine has been warming up for 25 years, the shifter ison "D", but the e-brake is up.

I expressed this to one of my best friends and he came back at me with this:

"f I may be frank with you for a moment ... I know that you are always striving to be the best ... you are highly ambitous and competitive ... you are wrestless and full of energy ... and you are hard on yourself. You want to be great ... and are constantly looking forward to map out your path to greatness.

You need to stop and realize something on occassion ... you are great.

You are of the same mold as myself and D. ... always looking ahead to when things will be great ... always looking for something that is greater than what is. This drive is what makes us who we are. But take a moment to realize where you are and who you are at this moment, and you will realize that you are great ... and your life is great. Take a look at the path that brought you to today, and see that it has been a wild and wonderful ... and it's only just beginning.

You live on one of the greatest streets in the world, you have a ton of great friends surrounding you, you've seen a lot of the world in your travels, you have an amazing job, you're young, bright, and the majority of the world envies you. And thats just the tip of the iceberg.

I understand that you want to contribute something great ... but you need to realize that you already have, and you do every day. Our drive and desire tends to keep us from seeing our actual accomplishments ... and our actual selves."

I almost broke into tears when I read this (well yea, I'm hormonal, but still you have to admit....) I am so blessed, and so proud, to have the friends I do. I suppose that is an accomplishment in an of itself isn't it?

***

Today is my brother Mark's 29th birthday. We're going to the Buckeye in Mill Valley for dinner. I'm not sure if I've mentioned the porkchop there before. I'd be shocked if I haven't, because I have been virtually obsessed with the thing for 7 or 8 months. It is the best damn porkchop I have ever had. If the porkchop could hold an intelligent conversation, and cuddle, well hell - my boy would have some major competition. My sweet, darling porkchop. Mommy's coming soon.

Holidaze.

2004-12-09T18:17:00.000-08:00

Damn I'm moody today. Probably didn't pick the best night to do dinner with my mom and brother - the old fuse is short I'm afraid. I've been kinda moody for the past few days come to think of it. I can probably attribute part of it to being, let's just say, monetarily strained. Due to these circumstances, I find myself pulling more shifts at Buca than I would like.

This is the time of year where working at a place like Buca is the equivalent to being in traveling carnival funhouse on bad acid. Every company, and their sister company, has their holiday party at our restaurant. And every year at least half of the servers have emotional breakdowns midshift due to exhaustion. I know it sounds horrible, but it sure as hell sucks when you're busting your ass for someone else's party, and you get no love. Zilch. Nada. People can treat you like shit. But then their are those parties where the people are cool as hell, you bond with them, they sneak you a shotm and a piece of their cake, tip you 25%, and leave that extra bottle of wine for you when they leave. These are the people that balance it all out. Seriously though, keep in mind that the majority of these people don't usually go out. The company xmas party is the social event of the year for them. They pull out all the stops - the sweater with the snowman on it, a blinking xmas tree pendant, the Santa hat - oh, and let's not forget the sleigh bell necklace so you can hear them jingling that merry jingle every time they talk, move, or breath. I think it may be time to bring a flask to work.

Last night at Qoöl was a gem. Some guy asked me to have his first born child (when I told him the cover was $5 he replies, "Wow, what a good price for a first born child." F**kin' shmuck.) The other week another guy asked me to marry him. How very flattering. Here's your card? How about giving me your mom's number so I can call her and tell her what an idiot she raised. Whoa. See what I mean? Where is this cynacism coming from? Hrmph. But no, despite it all - after 4+ years, I still enjoy being at Minna every Wednesday night. I get to see the people I love, have some drinks, and I get paid for it! How dope is that?

Alright, I've gotta sign off. Gotta go pick up my brother from work, and head out to Marin for din-din.

From Green to Red.

2004-12-03T10:58:00.000-08:00

The trip home to Ireland was amazing. The first week was spent at my Aunt Annette an Uncle Tommy's house in Newbridge (co. Kildaire) about a half hour train ride out of Dublin.

We mostly spent that time in Dublin - wandering around, stopping into pubs for a gargle (I love that expression), figuring out where to eat our next meal, taking pictures - that sort of thing. We had one particularly good night out in Newbridge with my Aunts Annette and Geraldine and Uncles Jim and Jim in a well-worn pub downtown. Drinks were flowing, and songs being sung. My Aunt ended up having one to many gin & tonics and Alberto got elected to drive us all home. Home being back to Geraldine's and Jim's for a splash of Bushmills and a chippy-butty. What's this delicacy you ask? Fries sandwiched between buttered white bread. You turn your nose up now, but I tell you after a couple pints it tastes damn good. I think I gained 5 pounds that night alone.

We purposely avoided the tourist trail mainly because a) I've been there enough to know what it's about and b) A-to had no interest in it. We went to a couple of good shows during the first week. The first being that of my cousin's boyfriend Mik - his band is called Republic of Loose, and I have to say they are killer. In fact, after we'd rented a car and were driving to Galway we stopped in a small town called Athlone and picked up their CD in a music store there. It was pretty much all we listened to. Well, that and the Pogues. According to my Aunt, Bono says they're gunna be big. Who am I to argue? We also got the chance to see Flogging Molly at the Temple Bar Music Center. Great show (wouldn'tve expected any less). The only frustrating aspect of the going out thing in Dublin (or in Ireland for that matter) is how exact they are when pouring your liquor. We're talking measured out to the nano-ounce. It takes 4 drinks to match the equivalent of an SF free pour I tell you. Maybe I just know too many bartenders here and get spoiled, but still.

So, after a great week visiting the family and taking in Dublin, we hired a car an decided to do the road trip thing. We had to rent the car under my name (ahhh to be 25) and therefore was the only insured driver on it. The only problem being that I don't drive stick, so A-to was going to be driving the whole time. Too bad they pulled the car up in front of the window so I pretty much had to drive away from the rental place. We sat in the car pretending to read the map while A-to told be how to release the clutch, give it gas, etc. Not that it wasn't nerve-racking enough that I was on the wrong side of the road (and the car). I managed to get us out of sight where I promptly pulled over and we switched. Hilarious.

Our first stop was Galway. I have to say - a fantastic city. Talk about a good vibe. Our introduction to Galway, however, was slightly rough as we spent about 2 hours driving in circles and bickering in an attempt to find this particular B&B that was in "the book". Frazzled, not really talking, and with headaches we finally find the place, and I run in only to discover that there was no vacancy. Yay. It was actually a blessing in disguise, though, because right around the corner we found a lovely B&B above a pub that was cheaper, and nicer. We ended up staying there for 2 nights. Galway is very pedestrian friendly, with great shopping an good restaurants. We spent one evening at the cinema where we proceeded to watch 2 thriller/horror flicks back-to-back - The Grudge and Saw. Saw was by far the better of the two.

After Galway we decided to drive through Connemara - talk about some of the most beautiful countryside you will ever see. The weather was what you would expect for an Irish winter - and it was lovely. We stopped in a tiny fishing village for lunch of homemade veggie soup, and brown bread with butter. There was a dog laying by the fireplace, and an old Irish gentleman with a tweed cap atop his head nursing his pint of Guinness at the end of the bar. Perfect.

We then headed back down to Limerick - a slightly treacherous drive with the narrow roads (no shoulder, just a stone wall on the side) and pissing down rain. I'm admittedly not a very good passenger - I tend to do that sucking-air-through-my-teeth thing whenever we got close to the wall, another car, whatever. Poor A-to. He drove like a champ nonetheless.

Limerick is not the most exciting of cities in my opinion - we didn't get to see much of it anyhow. I'd been there before and remember not being too impressed with it. Maybe I never gave it much of a chance - too late now. From Limerick we traveled down to Cork by way of Blarney. Yep, we did go to Blarney castle. It is beautiful there, despite it being one of the more touristy spots we stopped at. No, the Blarney stone wasn't kissed (I did that last time I was there - hah!).

We stopped at these ruins (of an abbey) we spotted from the road:

This is why traveling by car is so worth it.

We completely lucked out with our accomodations in Cork. We landed this sweet detached bungalow with a full kitchen, and living room. In an effort to save money we bought groceries and ate in. Too bad we ended up spending more than we would've done if we'd eaten out because we ended up getting 2 bottles of wine, and a bottle of the old faithful (Jameson of course). From Cork we headed to Kilkenny. My intention was to check out the film school there - unfortunately being that it was a Sunday there was no way to do that. Instead, we ended up spending the majority of the day looking for a place to stay. We ended up finding this shithole of a B&B that cost way too much money. Needless to say, that put us in a grand mood. A couple pints of Bulmers at Maggie's Pub eased the pain.

From Kilkenny we headed back to Newbridge. It was nice to be back. Sadly, while we were gone my Aunt & Uncle's dog Kerry was hit by a car and killed. Being back at the house were she had such a presence was strange. After watching a couple episodes of Takeshi's Castle and having a couple laughs I felt better.

Our last night in Dublin was spent at the bar in the Shelbourne Hotel with all my Aunt's and Uncle (my mom has 6 sisters and a brother) and my cousins Tara and Joeline for my Aunt Marion's 50th birthday. When the O'Riorden clan gets together it's out of control. I know where I get my feisty streak - my Aunts have the exact same wicked sense of humor. Being surrounded by my family like that I've never felt more at peace, or more at home. My people. I cried when I left them.

So, now I'm back and broke as hell. But it couldn't have been more worth it.

The Motherland.

2004-11-15T10:28:00.000-08:00

Today I'm hopping on a plane, and flying across the ocean. How insane is that? I am so looking forward to setting foot on Irish soil I can hardly stand it. I miss my family there - my heart feels like it's about to burst at the thought of seeing them in 24 hours. Of course, my mom is treating me as her personal courier so I get to bring exciting gifts like bras to my Aunt Geraldine, and god knows what else (I guess the bras in Ireland aren't as good as American ones? I have a hard time believing that, but oh well). Aside from seeing the family, I'm most excited about getting the chance to explore the country more. Last time I got a lot covered, but this time I want to go more remote. I'm talking one road, thatched roofs, peet bogs, mules & carts, gaelic speaking territory. Of course, I will post all about it here - in 2 weeks! Until then.....

Müde

2004-11-09T16:16:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is - I have been going out way too much lately. I feel like I'm never home. Home feels good. My space feels good. I am so looking forward to Ireland - my other home. I have 4 homes really (actually 5) - here on Oak St., my mom's place in Marin, my Dad's place in Munich, and my Aunt Annette's house in Newbridge (Co. Kildare, Ireland). These are the places I feel at peace - where I can just be. Places where I can marinate in being. *sigh*

I'm not really sure why I started writing this post - I'm really not in the mood. Yea. I'm gunna go take a nap.

George & Me

2004-11-01T01:02:00.000-08:00

Halloween. Yea. Well, as usual I left it to the very last minute to put together my Halloween costume this year. So, I resorted to using what I already had in my closet to pull something together one hour before heading to the Luca Films Halloween party. I was a Steppford wife. Or so I tried to be. Anyways, another Halloween come and gone. Whoopty-do. Wow, I don't think I've ever spelled that phrase out before. The one good thing that came out of the whole ordeal was this:

I'm tired. Time to hit the hay. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in weeks it feels like. And I wonder why I'm losing my voice (and my sanity for that matter). Thank you, and good night.

Take on me.

2004-10-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

Ok, I LOVE this song. Not only this song, but the entire "Hunting High and Low" album. I have it on vinyl and CD. That's how much I love it. And what's more, I love A-HA. Morten Harket has one of the best voices I know. I'm not afraid to say it. His voice makes me...um....I want to say quivver, but that just sounds dirty....but I dig his voice just as much as I dig my boy David's (Bowie, for those of you who don't know me at all). I've clipped some lyrics so you can experience some quality Norweigen's-writing-in-english songwriting.

"So needless to say
I'm odds and ends
But that's me stumbling away
Slowly learning that life is OK.
Say after me
It's no better to be safe than sorry."
-TAKE ON ME

"I'm dying to be different
In the coffee shop
I've lived on borrowed strength
Now my supplies are cut
Though i'm older than my looks
And older than my years
I'm too young to take on
My deepest fears"
-THE BLUE SKY

"Dream myself alive
I dream myself alive
You can't deny
There's something dark
Against the light
All i can say
It doesn't have to be this way
We'll be chasing our tails madly
See days pass like wildfire
Right from the start
I knew this world would break my heart."
-DREAM MYSELF ALIVE

Ok maybe it's not so much what the words mean, but how the words sound when Morten sings them. *sigh* Dear, sweet Morten.

Feel Good Lost.

2004-10-21T17:27:00.000-07:00

I have to credit that title. It's the name of a song by one of my favorite bands - Broken Social Scene. I like the idea of that. Being ok with being lost. Hell, we're all lost in some way shape or form - I think I am in almost every area of my life. But, that's not to say that I'm sad, or frustrated, or angry - in fact I'm the opposite. I think it's only when you're lost that you wander into some of life's best surprises.

My pops (aka my dad) flies in from Germany on Friday. Looking forward to spending some time with him, and the rest of the fam. I miss my brother Christian, who also lives in Germany. It's always a little strange when we go to dinner as a family without him there. We're such a tight knit family that there's such an obvious void when one of us isn't there. Christmas we will be a different story though. My mom made us promise when we were younger that no matter where we are in the world, that at Christmas we have to be together as a family. No exceptions. Even when we're married. I feel sorry for my future husband.

I had to go grocery shopping for a band playing at the DNA Lounge tonight. I quit the DNA Lounge last week, but I guess they were in a pickle, and needed someone to fill the rider (where bands list all the absurd items they want waiting for them at the venue). I felt like I needed to explain that to my check-out person at Safeway: "I swear, none of this is for me. I don't even like Dr. Pepper!" I know you're dying to know. Check it:

b.) DRESSING ROOM: (Completely separate from dinner rider!)
-Three (3) Bottles Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, or Shiraz WINE
-One (1) Bottle White Zinfandel WINE
-One (1) Liter Patron “Silver” Tequila, Bailey’s Irish Crème, OR Tequila Sunrise
-One (1/2) case Michelob light or “Local” micro-brew
-One 6 pack SKKY Blue, Smirnoff ICE, or Mike’s Hard Lemonade
-Ten (10) servings Hot Tea (w/HONEY, LEMONS, SUGAR, and quart HALF &HALF)
-One Pound Bag Starbucks, Folgers, etc. Coffee (HAZELNUT or Breakfast Blend)
-(12) 16 oz. Bottles Snapple Peach or Raspberry Tea (NO LEMON / NO DIET ! )
-Two (2) Quarts One Ruby Red Grapefruit/One Cran-apple or Cran-Raspberry juice
-Two (2) Qts. (1/2 gal.) Orange Juice (fresh-squeezed or "premium")
-Two Cases Bottled, NON-sparkling SPRING water (Dannon, Ozarka, Zephyrhills, etc.)
-Eight (8) 6-packs (4) Dr. Pepper (1) Mt. Dew (1) Hawaiian Punch (2) Diet RC OR Diet Coke
-Two (2) 6-packs Yoo-Hoo, Chocolate Soldier, or Brownie Chocolate Drinks
-One-half Gallon LOWFAT Milk ( 1% or 2%)
-One (1) Box Frosted Mini-Wheats, Apples Jacks, or Honeynut Cheerios Cereal
-One (1) Roasted Whole Chicken
-One (1) each 1/2 lb. Bags of smoked turkey OR chicken, smoked ham, American, swiss, OR
provolone cheese, w/lettuce, tomato, mustard, mayo, salt, pepper, etc.)
-One Large Bag Chips Ahoy Chocolate Chip OR Oreo Cookies
-One (1) loaf Wheat Bread (Please leave in bag, to ensure freshness)
-One (1) each Bunch of BANANAS, (fresh or frozen, STRAWBERRIES, RASPBERRIES, & BLUEBERRIES)
-One (1) Multi-pak of Trident, Wrigley’s, Care-free, Big Red, etc., chewing gum
-One (1) LARGE bag Tortilla Chips & Salsa, OR BBQ/Sour Cream/Cheddar Potato Chips
-One (1) Box of Ritz or Club Crackers with 2 cans of Chunk Tuna in Spring Water-
-Two (2) Fun-sized bags of Hershey’s SKOR, Heath bar, Kit-Kat, Twix, Snickers, Milky Way, Butterfinger, M&M's, OR Almond Joy. (candy bars)
-Three (3) Ten (10) pound bags of ice (after show, to stock bus coolers!)
-Several Cups, plates, knives, forks, spoons, etc.
-Six (6) Large, clean towels ( bar towels are UNacceptable!!)
-Four (4) rolls Paper Towels

I mean, seriously. These guys request this at every venue they play?? If I were in a band on tour, I would request that the venue provide meals from some of the city's best restaurants. You've gotta get tired of sandwiches and soda (and yoo hoo, ha!) after months on the road. I have to say, what an awesome way to make a living. You get to do what you love - play and perform to adoring fans, see the world, and ask for whatever you want (well, almost) from the venue you're playing at knowing it will be waiting for you when you get there.

The Gutter Punkettes.

2004-10-14T17:57:00.000-07:00

We did it up last night, bless us. After Qoöl Dawn, Ryan, Alberto and I went to the Cafe du Nord with the intention of going to the Tarantel/Do Make Say Think show. It was sold out, so we ended up drinking at Lucky 13. Ideas were born. Oh yes. Dawn, Ryan and I are starting a little bowling league. We're bent on recruiting Tiffy, Hanna, and Jenny from Minna. We will rule the lanes. Oh yes. Yea, I said "oh, yes" again. I'm gunna use that phrase to punctuate all my sentences. Oh yes. Ok, now I'm annoying myself. I'm in a weird mood. Anyways, the night turned into a happy little blur after we headed to the Hemlock Tavern to meet up with Tiff, Big Dave and company. Peanut shells were thrown out the car window on the way home. It was that good of a night. Unfortunately, no Gold Club, but that's because Steen left for New York.

Orange.

2004-10-12T14:46:00.000-07:00

I am in a ridiculously good mood. If my mood were a color it would be orange - my favorite color. This weather, even though I'm not a big fan of the heat, is fabulous. I admit it. Hell, I should like the sun being a Leo and all. But my vote will always go to the rain.

I finally came up with the concept for my first documentary. When I thought of it, and started researching, I was buzzing so intensely I might as well have been high on something. I couldn't be more amped on it. Not only that, but I'm excited to have something to focus my creative energy towards. I'm not going to say what it is - yet (my ploy to keep all 3 of you who read this in suspense.)

Went to see I (heart) Huckabees with Gary last night. Philosophically dense. It is what they dub an "existential comedy" after all. I wasn't expecting it to be so "wheel spinning" - if I'd known I wouldn't have had the 2 Jamesons before going to see it. I was really good though - definitely one to watch again.....sober. Oh, and Lily Thomlin is the shit. When I grow up I want to be like her.

Decaf.

2004-10-11T01:27:00.000-07:00

I'm so jacked up on caffeine right now it's not even funny. I worked the restaurant tonight, and was drinking coffee non-stop. It was a crazy night - busy as hell, so I'm exhausted for the most part. The brain is still going 100 mph though.

I had such a fantastic day yesterday - I'm still riding the high of it. I went with my friend Tom, and Stevo's dog Ceiba (though, I still consider her to be something akin to my god-dog, or step-dog? Something along those lines) to Keboe beach out in Point Reyes. You couldn't of asked for a more gorgeous day. The drive is killer too - I love driving through Marin, up into the trees, then out into ranch country until you reach the sea. I could live out there someday. The beach is not very well known, and a little bit of a hike off the road, so there was hardly anyone there considering how nice the weather was. That beach makes you feel really small. I think I needed to feel that. I think everyone needs to feel that. After spending hours throwing the ball into the ocean for a jubilant Ceiba, we drove back to Saulsalito, and ate at the fabulous Fish (yep, that's the name of the joint) on the marina there. Nothing quite like a fresh crab sandwich and a cold beer when you're wind-blown, salty, and sandy. We didn't get back into the city until around 9. I decided to hold on to Ceiba overnight (it's rare that I have custody ; ) - we both slept soundly and happily.

Good Night.

2004-10-08T23:51:00.000-07:00

There's something to be said about driving home with a belly full of the city's best Vietnamese food, on freshly rained on streets, listening to Miles sing the trumpet's sweet song. Walking to my house I passed a pair of lovers in silent embrace. That is all I needed for my Friday night out.

Debauchery

2004-10-08T17:10:00.000-07:00

Last night ended up being quite the adventure. After a super easy, super profitable night at the restaurant I went for drinks with some coworkers at the Chieftain. I love that spot. I had a little giggle in the bathroom when I realised the brand name of the toilet seat covers is "Rest Assured". How awesome is that? Whoever came up with that little morsel of catchiness needs a pat on the back.

My friend Ryan and I decided to head over to the opening at Minna for a quick drink before calling it a night. Chatted with one of the artists in the show, Jonathan I believe his name is, and Eiming for a bit. Twas nice. We decided it was time to go, and with Steen in tow (giving him a ride home) we headed towards my car. On the way back we passed the Gold Club (for those of you that don't know, its a "gentleman's" club). Being that Steen is a super-preferred Gold Club member, we were quickly ushered in the door, and bee-lined it to the bar. We hadn't even been sitting for 5 minutes before we were escorted to a table closer to the stage. Steen and his VIP status, bless him.

I have to say the entire experience was highly entertaining. As far as being sexually stimulated in any way - I probably get more turned on going to get a cup of coffee in the morning. The poor girls looked so bored - almost mechanical. I mean, trying to get creative about sticking your ass out can only go so far. If you think about it, a monkey on a street corner in Budapest, dancing to a music box for money, is essentially doing the same thing. I don't look down on these girls, hell they're making some good money - more power to them. It's the guys throwing their money away that I feel sorry for. You know those videos that you can buy for your pets? Like for cats they'll be videos showing birds and mice, and for dogs showing other dogs, and fire hydrants, and cats? Their purpose basically being so you can leave the video on for your pet when you leave the house and they'll be somewhat entertained (on such a basic level). I think they should make the same thing for guys. A video of just a girl's ass, or a pair of boobs. Oh what, I guess that's kinda what soft porn is huh? Nevermind.

So that was my night. My day today was pretty simple. I had to drive up to Davis for my annual eye appointment. I know it may seem weird that I drive an hour and a half for that reason, but my eye doctor is the shit. The only thing I didn't like about the eye doctor thing was when he was looking in my eye(s) with that thing-a-ma-jig, and I was practically face-to-face with the guy. His breath smelled like stale coffee, and his nose whistled when he breathed. Made my skin crawl.

Off to play at Anú.

Into the Wind

2004-10-05T15:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a rough one to me. Making realizations about one's life is not an easy pill to swallow. Following through on them will be even harder I'm sure. It's funny though, people who are closest to you can sense your distress. I had some great conversations with amazing friends. I am so grateful for the friends in my life.

I had dinner with my mom and brother last night. It was thoroughly pleasant up until we started talking politics (as I innocently enough brought up the last presidential debate). I was shocked to learn that my brother, my own flesh and blood, has republican leanings. I thought my mom was going to disown him when he went off on his mini-tirade in defense of Bush and the war. It was all I could do not to throw my grilled chicken sandwhich at him (granted, the margherita I was drinking stoked the fire a little too). We came to the conclusion that we would not continue the conversation any further because, being that we are a highly emotional family, somebody was bound to get hurt.

We went to see The Motorcycle Diaries last night. Gorgeous film - and highly profound in light of the mind-state I was in. In a nutshell, this was a filmed adaptation of Cuban revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara's journals of the same name. Talk about some talented acting - Gael García Bernal who was also in Y Tu Mamá También and Amores Perros (both phenomenal films) plays the pre-revolution Guevara. His acting is as good as his looks (the boy is absolutely gorgeous).There were so many stunning shots in this film it was almost hard to take, not to mention the black and white "moving stills" that in their own right were enough to move me to tears. I'm going to pick up the soundstrack as soon as I get a chance.

I guess what I took from the film was the idea of it being ok to just throw yourself into the wind and see where it takes you. Often times if you let life dictate your path, you'll end up learning the most important lessons. My mom stressed the same point to me - that of life having a path in mind for you. I'm going to end up where I'm meant to. My struggle with that is the thought of - what if that's not true? What if I live my life hoping I end up where I'm meant to, and it never actually happens. But, perhaps that in itself is a destiny. So here I am. Ready for the next gust of wind.

Where's the Love?

2004-10-04T11:54:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am. Eric convinced me. And just when I was starting to question my life's direction. Thank you Eric, thank you for showing me my path.

I suppose before I jump into this headfirst (and you along with me) I should throw a disclaimer out there. These posts are going to ooze cynacism, and/or sarcasm. If you're wondering if I'm being either of the two, I probably am. If you're wondering if I'm not, I probably am there too.

"Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows."
-David T. Wolf

So let's get to it shall we? This past Saturday was the Love Parade SF. This is the first time the LP came to North America. I've been to the Love Parade in Berlin before. There's something to be said about being surrounded by 1 million (mostly high) clubbers/ravers proudly sporting their day-glo faux fur hot pants and gaiters (men and women alike) - blissfully blowing their whistles all the while. *sigh* Good times.

I would be lying if I said that SF's Love Parade filled me with love. It filled me with exhaustion. Being the only one in charge of making a float happen (and of course Minna afterwards) was a lot more work than I was anticipating. Luckily, I had a handful of help without which I wouldn't have been able to pull it off. The float materialized, people danced. Then it was all over. Weeks of work for 7 hours. But I digress. LPSF, for me, was just a giant pissing contest. Who has the bigger float, the best sound system, the biggest DJs. Where's the love in competition?

A pivotal point in my Love Parade experience came at around 8:30pm as things were starting to wind down. I'm standing beside our Qoöl float, watching the people dance. An aquaintance walks up to me and says, 'If I say something, you promise not to think I'm an asshole?" Just by asking that question, I should've said no. But of course I didn't. He goes on to say, "You know, I think this float could've been done better." Um, can you be more blantantly insensitive? What a prick. He was lucky I was too tired to really be pissed off - I think I was more in shock. Fine, you have your opinion. And you know what, it probably could've been done better - what couldn't? But talk about bad timing. Horrible tact. It was kind of amusing to watch him verbally fumble from that point forward though. This morning I got this email in my inbox:

Subject: ...apologies...

Hey Jackie,

Hope you had a fine rest of your weekend. I just wanted to apologize again for the comment on saturday. You were right...the timing was really bad...i was drunk (not a valid excuse i know)...and the whole thing became misconstrued. Furthermore, I had a great time at the float and appreciate how much effort you guys put into the "scene" (hate that word). I understand how much money, time, effort, politics etc etc go into it all and i was pretty much an ass for saying that to you so i apologize. Anyway...hopefully i will see you weds. (if you let me in the door:) love.

******

So yea. There you have it. I've successfully moved up 3 rungs on my ladder of being jaded. I need to work on climbing down.