Confident Lifestyle

Taking Charge of Your Life

2007-09-19T12:40:00.000-07:00

How do you live your life? At cause or at effect? It is important to be aware of this distinction. It is the rare individual who always lives his or her life at cause; however, far too many of us live a large portion of our lives at effect - responding to the whims, desires or emotional states of others.

Being at cause means that you are decisive in creating what you want in life and take responsibility for whatever you achieve. You see the world as a place of opportunity and you move toward achieving what you desire. If things are not unfolding as you would like, you take action and explore other possibilities. Above all, you know you have choice in what you do and how you react to people and events.

If you are at effect, you may blame others or circumstances for your bad moods, for what you have not achieved or for the disarray of your life in general. You may feel powerless or depend on others in order for you to feel good about yourself or about life. You may think, "If only my spouse, my boss, my co-workers, my parents, my children understood me and helped me achieve my dreams or did what I wanted or what is best for me, then life would be great." If you wait and hope for things to be different or for others to provide you with results or happiness, you are at effect, or a victim of circumstances. And really, how satisfying is that? How satisfying do you think it is for others to be around you? Believing that someone else is responsible for your happiness or your different moods is very limiting and gives this person mystical powers over you, which can cause both you and the other person a great deal of anguish.

Being at cause means you have choices in your life - you can choose what is best for you while ensuring the choice is ecological for those around you, in your community and your society. That is, you consider the consequences of your actions on others, while not taking responsibility for their emotional well-being. Believing you are responsible for the emotional well-being of someone else places a heavy burden upon you and can cause a great deal of stress.

Those who live their lives at effect often see themselves as victims with no choices whatsoever. The truth is that they do have choices but have chosen not to take action. They are simply reactive to whatever is thrust upon them.

Emotions such as guilt, fear, anxiety and resentment are the result of being at effect. People at effect tend to blame others and do not take responsibility for their actions. Emotions such as these can wear heavily on a person's body and life, and can be the root cause of many physical and personal issues.

Do I always live my life at cause? No, not a chance; the great majority of the time I do live at cause. When I don't, one of the following usually comes to mind: ‘There is no failure only feedback' or ‘There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states'. Then using various personal growth techniques, such as those from NLP (neurolinguistic programming), I am able to explore other ways to achieve my outcomes or ask others for help, without being a victim to their answers.

Each morning when you get up, you can either ask yourself, "I wonder what my day will bring," or "What do I choose to bring to my day?" The choice is yours.

About the Author: Roger Ellerton is a certified NLP trainer, certified management consultant and the founder and managing partner of Renewal Technologies Inc. (www.renewal.ca) This article is an extract from his book Live Your Dreams - Let Reality Catch Up: NLP and Common Sense for Coaches, Managers and You (www.live-your-dreams.biz).

Feel Good!

2007-09-18T15:44:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to feel good? Well, that's going to be different for everyone, but many people describe it as a contentment, joy, peace, or happiness. Most of us prefer to feel good than the alternative.

How can we feel good with everything that's going on in our world, and in our lives? What you focus on expands. If you watch the news, read the papers, focus on what's not working in your life, you may be bombarded with negative thoughts and feelings. What if you watched and read less of that stuff. What if you focused on the 80% that is working in your life instead of what you don't think is working? What if you focused on what you do have, instead of what you don't have? What if you focused on solutions instead of problems? What if you were grateful for all the positive in your life and in your world (because there really is far more positive than negative)? What if every time a negative thought came into your mind you replaced it with a positive one? Do you think your perceptions would change? Do you think you would start to ....feel good???

Why feeling good is important. When you feel good you approach everything in your life with a better outlook and perspective. You have more creativity, openness, energy, and optimism, life flows easily and effortlessly. Who wouldn't want more of that?

My belief is that if you focus on feeling good then you raise your consciousness, or your vibration and attract to you more things to feel good about. I also believe if you want to feel good and create wellbeing you have to do it on all levels of your being....mind, body & spirit, its all connected. Remember, we all have a choice. We choose what we are going to put our focus and attention on. We choose how we are going to respond to everything in our life. Choose to feel good.

Here are some helpful tips to incorporate in your life so you can Feel Good everyday!

MIND

Attitude of Gratitude: Start each day being grateful for all the blessings in your life. Create a mental list or write it down in a gratitude journal & watch your focus change.
Positive focus: Focus on the 80% that is working in your life.
Simplify, Simplify, Simplify
Mindfulness: being fully present, not thinking about something in the past or future but what is happening in the present moment.
Thought awareness: Become aware of what you are thinking, then consciously focus your thoughts on whatever it is you want to create in your life (i.e., peace, harmony, cooperation, sharing). Thoughts become things, what you think about becomes your reality, so think good thoughts!
Flexibility of the mind. Keep the mind active. Do something regularly that will challenge your mind.

BODY

More whole grains, lean proteins, fruits and vegetables, less sugar, fats, and processed foods.
Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate! (water hydrates, soft drinks and coffee do not).
Read Labels: know what you are putting in your body. If there are too many letters in it, or you can't pronounce it, chances are you shouldn't be putting it into your body.
Sleep. Be sure to get enough.
Exercise everyday. You brush your teeth and shower everyday, move your body everyday too. The results will be remarkable.
Lift weights, milk bottles or soup cans. Lift whatever you can to strengthen your bones.
Stretch. Try a yoga class or stretch on your own. A flexible body is less prone to injury. I've seen plenty of Seniors regain flexibility in a matter of weeks. I particularly remember one woman's excitement when she was able to touch her toes for the first time in 25 years! It sure makes putting your socks on easier.

SPIRIT

Nourish your soul regularly. What would truly make your heart sing and bring you true joy? Figure it out and do it.
Spend time everyday in prayer or meditation or just sit quietly and listen to your inner wisdom.
Laughter. Find the funny side of things. Laughter is like a massage for your soul.
Practice random acts of kindness.
Challenge yourself. Get out of your comfort zone and do something you've never done but always wanted to do. Maybe its skydiving, or riding on a motorcycle down the Pacific Coast Highway, or volunteering in a third world country. I've done them all, and recommend them all. Courage expands your life.
Be kind and gentle with yourself. Remember others will love you to the degree you love yourself. Also, your strengths and magnificence are far greater than any perceived failings.

Copyright (c) 2007 Char Cooper RN, MSN, APRN

We all have a core desire to Feel Good. So why don't we feel good more often? When you work with Char you will learn how to break through unresourceful behaviors, & beliefs that prevent you from Feeling Good. Using her expertise as a Nurse Practitioner, Life Coach & Yoga Instructor, & integrating a mind, body, spirit approach, Char empowers her clients to Feel Good every day!
Visit http://www.TheFeelGoodCoach.com & start Feeling Good now!

Article Source: http://www.positivearticles.com

Five steps to inner peace

2007-08-27T17:11:00.000-07:00

Recently a visitor to my pages asked me this question.

“I just wanted to ask a very simple question, how can we have inner peace?”

So in my simple ways, I gave him the simple answer in my response.

“To answer your question in its simplest form:
Love yourself, simplify your life, live by good beliefs and have a good attitude towards life.”

Looking back on it this may have been the simple answer, but he may have wanted more of a response.
So here is a more in depth response.

Inner peace and how to attain it in five short steps.

1.Love yourself.

Loving yourself has to do with accepting who you are, what you are and what you look like. Stop rejecting yourself and putting yourself down.

If you cannot do that for your self no one else will either. Learn to accept that you do not need to look like others, that you may not ever be able to carry a tune or to paint a masterpiece. Beauty and talent is what is inside of you. Look in the mirror and love what you see.

2.Simplify your life.

Often times unnecessary worldly possessions can cause undue stress and internal turmoil. Do you really need that new high priced auto with all the bells and whistles along with the payments that come with it? Or would a car that is two, three or more years old rally meet your needs?

Stop trying to keep up with the Joneses and you will see that your stress levels will begin to subside. Be happy with what you have.

3.Live by good beliefs.

This could be as simple as the golden rule. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”
Be fair and honest in your business deals, friendships and relationships. Do not take advantage of others.

Fix what is wrong, be honest with yourself and others.

4.Have a good attitude towards life.

Enjoy life, your family, friends and your job. Don't let the little things upset you. Put a smile on your face and the world will smile with you.

If something upsets you, try to put it into terms of how serious it really is. For example is it as serious and upsetting as having a broken arm, a black eye, losing a limb or is it really just a little bump in the road? I bet most of the things would fall under the bump in the road category.

Try the old smile again. It is hard to stay upset when you put a smile on your face :)

5.Daily motivations.

Read quotes or inspirational messages daily. Write out your own affirmations and repeat them daily.
Visit any of the hundreds of self improvement sites for great articles and information.

Practice and begin to live by these five steps and you will begin to see the emotional turmoil began to disappear and the inner peace begin to take it place.

Have a great day and best wishes in all you do,

JD

"Enlightenment" Your 7 step program to Positive thinking

2007-08-21T18:15:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you have a bright idea hidden somewhere in the back of your mind that you just can't wait to test out. Of course you're not the only one with the bright idea. So what motivates you to churn those creative, or even inspiring juices to its utmost flavor?

It's always best to set up a personal goal where you can accomplish the most in record time, maybe like mowing the lawn in an hour before the big game on TV. A correct and positive attitude in whatever you do will make things easier, and even enjoyable.

Here are some tips to make it through the week even if you're just sitting in your favorite couch. An idea takes time to form in your head and is always at work while you are busy sitting.

Having a bit of positive thinking can help you realize things that are never thought possible. Thinking big is indeed the American Way and that what made our country prosperous.

1. Take passionate action towards living your life by design. Talk is cheap. Action = deposits in the bank of a passionately authentic future. Without it, passion is void.

This is a perfect example where dreams are made of where you start by tinkering with your mind, then with your hands. And if the idea weakens, you can always go back to it later until you finish it.

2. Commit to yourself as well as those you love to create powerfully a life you can love. Instead of reacting, commit to creating from your heart and soul, out of love rather than fear. The American Dream will always be there, but a dream will still be a dream without motion. Be amazed as the transformation begins.

3. Recognize and embrace the thought that each moment is perfect regardless of its outcome. Every time you hit on something that may appear too extreme, why not give it a shot and see if it will work. You will be surprised to see of there are other ways to get the task done in time. If you are not pleased with the outcome, decide to use that moment to learn from and make the appropriate shift.

4. Dwell completely in a place of gratitude. Learn to utilize what you have in your hands and make use of it in the most constructive way. Slipping into neediness will become less of a habit when you repeatedly shift towards gratitude, away from poverty consciousness.

5. Use a Passion Formula of Recognize/Reevaluate/Restore in place of the Shoulda/Woulda/Coulda whirlwind. The former is based in increased knowledge and abundance while the latter focuses on scarcity and lack. As you face people or tasks that may seem harder than scaling the summit of the Himalayas, allow yourself to realize that the task is just as important as giving out orders to your subordinates. You would rather be richly passionate!

6. Keep humor at the forefront of thought, laughing at and with yourself when possible. You may find yourself quite entertaining when you loosen up! I am yet to see a comedian ever go hungry even though his jokes are as 'old as great-grandma'. Life has so much to offer to allow you to mope around in self pity. Humor is very attractive, very passionate: life-giving.

7. Believe that you are the architect of your destiny. No one can take your passionate future from you except for you! Create your life authentically. As long as there's still breath in your body, there is no end to how much you can accomplish in a lifetime. The concept of thinking big is all about enjoying your work, which would lead to celebrate a discovery that is born within your hands. Watch everything flow into place with perfect, passionate precision.

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10 ways to start taking control

2007-08-18T21:19:00.000-07:00

1. Take Good Care of Yourself
It's much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

2. Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For
Stresses and challenges don't seem quite as bad when you are constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in life. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.

3. Look for the Proof Instead of Making Assumptions
A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually not reality. If you have a fear that a friend or family member's bad mood is due to something you did, or that your co-workers are secretly gossiping about you when you turn your back, speak up and ask them. Don't waste time worrying that you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.

4. Refrain from Using Absolutes
Have you ever told a partner "You're ALWAYS late!" or complained to a friend "You NEVER call me!"? Thinking and speaking in absolutes like 'always' and 'never' makes the situation seem worse than it is, and programs your brain into believing that certain people are incapable of delivering.

5. Detach From Negative Thoughts
Your thoughts can't hold any power over you if you don't judge them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, witness it, and don't follow it.

6. Squash the "ANTs"
In his book "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life," Dr. Daniel Amen talks about "ANTs" - Automatic Negative Thoughts. These are the bad thoughts that are usually reactionary, like "Those people are laughing, they must be talking about me," or "The boss wants to see me? It must be bad!" When you notice these thoughts, realize that they are nothing more than ANTs and squash them!

7. Practice Lovin', Touchin' & Squeezin' (Your Friends and Family)
You don't have to be an expert to know the benefits of a good hug. Positive physical contact with friends, loved ones, and even pets, is an instant pick-me-up. One research study on this subject had a waitress touch some of her customers on the arm as she handed them their checks. She received higher tips from these customers than from the ones she didn't touch!

8. Increase Your Social Activity
By increasing social activity, you decrease loneliness. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way!

9. Volunteer for an Organization, or Help another Person
Everyone feels good after helping. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return.

10. Use Pattern Interrupts to Combat Rumination
If you find yourself ruminating, a great way to stop it is to interrupt the pattern and force yourself to do something completely different. Rumination is like hyper-focus on something negative. It's never productive, because it's not rational or solution-oriented, it's just excessive worry. Try changing your physical environment - go for a walk or sit outside. You could also call a friend, pick up a book, or turn on some music.

Focus on your mental and emotional side to gain self improvement

2007-08-18T21:15:00.000-07:00

Not everyone believes this but the emotional and mental aspects of a person, when combined, leads to better self improvement.

Emotions love to dominate our actions and reactions, even though we do not want it to happen sometimes. The society often see emotions as a sign of weakness, so people are used to putting them aside and focusing on the rational aspects more and more.

No matter how strict and logical you may be, you will always feel. One way or another, someone or something will get through you.

Positive emotions are a lifelong goal for many of us concerned about emotional health and self improvement. What is more important; the amount of money you made during your life or the times you laughed out of sheer joy?

People tend to put their positive emotions behind their negative feelings. This is one of the biggest problems that people come across during their lives.

There is no clear way to ignore a negative experience and try to replace it with a positive one. Life just does not work that way.

For example, when you were a child, if your goldfish dies, you would be heartbroken. Your parents will probably buy you another goldfish but the sorrow is still there.

Things get even more complex when you become an adult. A fight with your spouse the night before will affect your entire day. You will go to work angry, tired, and your mind will wander. On the way home from work you will not notice the sun shining and you would not be tempted to stop at a roadside stand to pick up some fresh fruits and vegetables.

All this because that one negative thought has contaminated the way you perceive the reality around you.

In this moment you will realize finding a safe place to relax your mind will do wonders for your emotional and mental improvement.

That place is relatively easy to find. It can be an actual place or an imaginary location. The best idea is to totally lose yourself in it.

Let us say you have a problem on your mind and it just would not go away. Go bowling. Do not know how? Just give it a shot.

Get caught up in the game. Your mind will drift away from the negative thoughts that dominated your last hours or days and start processing a whole new kind of information.

A safe haven can take many forms. It can be a song, a movie, even a person or animal. The main thing is allow yourself to get completely involved with this new activity.

You might still get flashes of the problem every now and then. Ignore it and get even more absorbed in what you are doing.

When the bowling game, the song, or the movie ends you will abruptly return to reality. You will probably want to retreat back to the safe place. Do not do it.

The safe place exists only as a helping hand, not as a solution to your life's problems, may it be a small or big. It serves only as an escape route.

You will return from your safe zone with an increased energy level. You will feel better about yourself and gain more confidence. You will see that any issue can be resolved.

This is how a small escape from a harsh reality can increase your emotional and mental health. Try to do this often and you are on your way to better self improvement.

Impossible is Just a Word

2007-08-14T13:17:00.000-07:00

Everyone, at some point of his or her life, has dreamed of being somebody special, somebody big. Who hasn't fantasized about being the one who hits the game-winning homer? Who hasn't dreamed of being the homecoming queen? And how many times have we dreamed of being rich, or successful, or happy with our relationships?

Often, we dream big dreams and have great aspirations. Unfortunately, our dreams remain just that – dreams. And our aspirations easily collect dust in our attic.

This is a sad turn of events in our life. Instead of experiencing exciting adventures in self actualization, we get caught up in the humdrum of living from day-to-day just barely existing.

But you know what? Life could be so much better, if only we learned to aim higher.

The most common problem to setting goals is the word impossible. Most people get hung up thinking I can't do this. It's too hard. It's too impossible. No one can do this.

However, if everyone thought that, there would be no inventions, no innovations, and no breakthroughs in human accomplishment.

Remember that scientists were baffled when they took a look at the humble bumblebee. Theoretically, they said, it was impossible for the bumblebee to fly. Unfortunately for the bumble, bee no one has told it so. So fly it does.

On the other hand, some people suffer from dreaming totally outrageous dreams and not acting on them. The result? Broken dreams, and tattered aspirations.

If you limit yourself with self-doubt, and self-limiting assumptions, you will never be able to break past what you deem impossible. If you reach too far out into the sky without working towards your goal, you will find yourself clinging on to the impossible dream.

Try this exercise. Take a piece of paper and write down some goals in your life. Under one header, list down things ‘you know you can do’. Under another header, write the things ‘you might be able to do.’ And under one more, list the things that that are ‘impossible for you to do.’

Now look at all the headers strive every day to accomplish the goals that are under things ‘you know you can do’. Check them when you are able to accomplish them. As you slowly are able to check all of your goals under that heading, try accomplishing the goals under the other header-the one that reads ‘you might be able to do.’

As of the items you wrote under things I could do are accomplished, you can move the goals that are under things that are ‘impossible for you to do’ to the list of things ‘you might be able to do.’

As you iterate through this process, you will find out that the goals you thought were impossible become easier to accomplish. And the impossible begin to seem possible after all.

You see, the technique here is not to limit your imagination. It is to aim high, and start working towards that goal little by little. However, it also is unwise to set a goal that is truly unrealistic.

Those who just dream towards a goal without working hard end up disappointed and disillusioned.

On the other hand, if you told someone a hundred years ago that it was possible for man to be on the moon, they would laugh at you. If you had told them that you could send mail from here to the other side of the world in a few seconds, they would say you were out of your mind. But, through sheer desire and perseverance, these impossible dreams are now realities.

Thomas Edison once said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. Nothing could be truer. For one to accomplish his or her dreams, there has to be had work and discipline. But take note that that 1% has to be a think-big dream, and not some easily accomplished one.

Ask any gym rat and he or she will tell you that there can be no gains unless you are put out of your comfort zone. Remember the saying, “No pain, no gain”? That is as true as it can be.

So dream on, friend! Don’t get caught up with your perceived limitations. Think big and work hard to attain those dreams. As you step up the ladder of progress, you will just about find out that the impossible has just become a little bit more possible.

Life is About Choices and the Decisions We Make

2007-08-11T08:12:00.000-07:00

Life is like a road. There are long and short roads; smooth and rocky roads; crooked and straight paths. In our life many roads would come our way as we journey through life. There are roads that lead to a life of single blessedness, marriage, and religious vocation. There are also roads that lead to fame and fortune on one hand, or isolation and poverty on the other. There are roads to happiness as there are roads to sadness, roads towards victory and jubilation, and roads leading to defeat and disappointment.

Just like any road, there are corners, detours, and crossroads in life. Perhaps the most perplexing road that you would encounter is a crossroad. With four roads to choose from and with limited knowledge on where they would go, which road will you take? What is the guarantee that we would choose the right one along the way? Would you take any road, or just stay where you are: in front of a crossroad?

There are no guarantees.

You do not really know where a road will lead you until you take it. There are no guarantees. This is one of the most important things you need to realize about life. Nobody said that choosing to do the right thing all the time would always lead you to happiness. Loving someone with all your heart does not guarantee that it would be returned. Gaining fame and fortune does not guarantee happiness. Accepting a good word from an influential superior to cut your trip short up the career ladder is not always bad, especially if you are highly qualified and competent. There are too many possible outcomes, which your really cannot control. The only thing you have power over is the decisions that you will make, and how you would act and react to different situations.

Wrong decisions are always at hindsight.

Had you known that you were making a wrong decision, would you have gone along with it? Perhaps not, why would you choose a certain path when you know it would get you lost? Why make a certain decision if you knew from the very beginning that it is not the right one. It is only after you have made a decision and reflected on it that you realize its soundness. If the consequences or outcomes are good for you, then you have decided correctly. Otherwise, your decision was wrong.

Take the risk: decide.

Since life offers no guarantee and you would never know that your decision would be wrong until you have made it, then you might as well take the risk and decide. It is definitely better than keeping yourself in limbo. Although it is true that one wrong turn could get you lost, it could also be that such a turn could be an opportunity for an adventure, moreover open more roads. It is all a matter of perspective. You have the choice between being a lost traveler or an accidental tourist of life. But take caution that you do not make decisions haphazardly. Taking risks is not about being careless and stupid. Here are some pointers that could help you choose the best option in the face of life’s crossroads:

. Get as many information as you can about your situation.

You cannot find the confidence to decide when you know so little about what you are faced with. Just like any news reporter, ask the 5 W’s: what, who, when, where, and why. What is the situation? Who are the people involved? When did this happen? Where is this leading? Why are you in this situation? These are just some of the possible questions to ask to know more about your situation. This is important. Oftentimes, the reason for indecision is the lack of information about a situation.

· Identify and create options.

What options do the situation give you? Sometimes the options are few, but sometimes they are numerous. But what do you do when you think that the situation offers no options? This is the time that you create your own. Make your creative mind work. From the most simplistic to the most complicated, entertain all ideas. Do not shoot anything down when an idea comes to your head. Sometimes the most outrageous idea could prove to be the right one in the end. You can ask a friend to help you identify options and even make more options if you encounter some difficulty, but make sure that you make the decision yourself in the end.

· Weigh the pros and cons of every option.

Assess each option by looking at the advantages and disadvantages it offers you. In this way, you get more insights about the consequences of such an option.

· Trust yourself and make that decision.

Now that you have assessed your options, it is now time to trust yourself. Remember that there are no guarantees and wrong decisions are always at hindsight. So choose… decide… believe that you are choosing the best option at this point in time.

Now that you have made a decision, be ready to face its consequences: good and bad. It may take you to a place of promise or to a land of problems. But the important thing is that you have chosen to live your life instead of remaining a bystander or a passive audience to your own life. Whether it is the right decision or not, only time can tell. But do not regret it whatever the outcome. Instead, learn from it and remember that you always have the chance to make better decisions in the future.

SELF IMPROVEMENT AND SUCCESS

2007-08-09T18:51:00.000-07:00

Everything that happens to us happens in purpose. And sometimes, one thing leads to another. Instead of locking yourself up in your cage of fears and crying over past heartaches, embarrassment and failures, treat them as your teachers and they will become your tools in both self improvement and success.

So, when does self improvement become synonymous with success? Where do we start? Take these tips, friends…

*Stop thinking and feeling as if you’re a failure, because you’re not. How can others accept you if YOU can’t accept YOU?

*When you see hunks and models on TV, think more on self improvement, not self pitying. Self acceptance is not just about having nice slender legs, or great abs. Concentrate on inner beauty.

*When people feel so down and low about themselves, help them move up. Don’t go down with them. They’ll pull you down further and both of you will end up feeling inferior.

*The world is a large room for lessons, not mistakes. Don’t feel stupid and doomed forever just because you failed on a science quiz. There’s always a next time. Make rooms for self improvement.

*Take things one at a time. You don’t expect black sheep’s to be goody-two-shoes in just a snap of a finger. Self improvement is a one day at a time process.

*Self improvement results to inner stability, personality development and dig this …. SUCCESS. It comes from self confidence, self appreciation and self esteem.

* Set meaningful and achievable goals. Self improvement doesn’t turn you to be the exact replica of Cameron Diaz or Ralph Fiennes. It hopes and aims to result to an improved and better YOU.

*Little things mean BIG to other people. Sometimes, we don’t realize that the little things that we do like a pat on the back, saying “hi” or “hello”, greeting someone “good day” or telling Mr. Smith something like “hey, I love your tie!” are simple things that mean so much to other people. When we’re being appreciative about beautiful things around us and other people, we also become beautiful to them.

*When you’re willing to accept change and go through the process of self improvement, it doesn’t mean that everyone else is. The world is a place where people of different values and attitude hang out. Sometimes, even if you think you and your best friend always like to do the same thing together at the same time, she would most likely decline an invitation for self improvement.

We should always remember that there’s no such thing as ‘over night success’. Its always a wonderful feeling to hold on to the things that you already have now, realizing that those are just one of the things you once wished for. A very nice quote says that “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” We are all here to learn our lessons. Our parents, school teachers, friends, colleagues, officemates, neighbors… they are our teachers. When we open our doors for self improvement, we increase our chances to head to the road of success.

Esther and the secret of a long happy life?

2007-08-07T20:37:00.000-07:00

I had the pleasure of meeting "Esther" (not her real name) yesterday.

She was dining at the table next to mine with three other people. You could tell that the four of them had not seen each other in awhile and was enjoying some great conversations and tales of their youth.

Esther's laugh would make me bring my head up and glance over at her. Esther's laugh was infectious and often sounded like a child's giggle. Every time she laughed, her eyes would light up with a brilliant glow and her smile was wide and friendly.

As I sat there enjoying my dinner I realized that my smile was a constant thing on my face and that my eyes kept wandering over to Esther's smiling face and beautiful eyes. It was becoming difficult not to stare at this beautiful woman.

My meal was now complete but not wanting to leave the presence of this amazing woman I decided to order coffee and desert. Now believe me I was not eavesdropping, I could not hear the conversations, but could hear the laughter.

Not really wanting my dessert I pushed it aside and toyed with my coffee cup further delaying my departure. Soon after my second refill, I noticed the three guests with Esther stand up. My heart skipped a beat before I realized that the three of them where headed off to the restrooms.

Feeling a little like a single guy in a pick up joint, I decided to make my move. Approaching Esther with a big smile on my face I introduced myself.

"Hi my name is J.D. and I was sitting at the table next to yours. I just wanted to tell you what a great laugh you have and what a wonderful smile that just makes your eyes twinkle.

Now I really felt an idiot, this was sounding like a stupid pickup line. But Esther put me at ease and introduced herself then thanked me for my remarks.

Being the lady that she is, Esther asked me to take a seat.

"Thank you Esther" I respond as I pull my chair over to her table. "So you're not from around here are you?" I ask, making it sound like another stupid pickup line.

Esther laughed with that glorious laugh and asked "J.D. are you flirting with me?" giving me a little wink.

Blushing a little I replied with a smile on my face "Esther I'm a married man, but given different circumstances and another era, I could be."

Now Esther's guest were returning and we made introductions all around. One was her sister in law and the other two were her children. It turns out that Esther was on vacation and came out to visit the family.

After some small talk and as they were preparing to depart I finally decided to pop the question. "Esther would you answer a question for me?"

With a smile on her face she looks at me and said "You want to know how old I am?" "I am 93 years old"

Esther must have noticed my eye grow wide at her response, chuckling she continued "Oh so I am to old for you is that it?"

"No Esther you are not to old and that was not the question I was going to ask." Again I was blushing and smiling like a little school boy.

I explained to them of my interests in self improvement and how I enjoy writing articles and sharing experiences and lessons on personal growth.

"What I wanted to know was your secrets to being happy and having a smile on your face all the time and now I also want to know you secrets to a long life"

"J.D. there are no real secrets to it, but I will share my thoughts with you and give you the short version."

"Make good friends, love your family, don't fret over minor details, never go to bed mad, think good thoughts, help others, keep a smile on your face, never stop working and" as she winked at me she said "flirting with young guys is what keeps me young"

At his moment her sister in law spoke up and said "You know J.D. Esther still works 40 hours a week as a nurse and won't retire because she enjoys helping people so much."

I then asked Esther if I could give her a hug.

"J.D. I thought you would never ask" and with that she, "Esther", this tiny 93 year young woman still working full time as a nurse gave me a hug as if I was her son or long lost friend.

The love and kindness that radiated from this woman was over whelming, I stooped and planted a kiss on her cheek.

Esther, bless you and I hope to see you next year!

Smile!

2007-08-04T02:55:00.000-07:00

Smile right now! Regardless of what is going on in your life I want you to smile. Smile big. Smile goofy. Smile a smile that spreads from your lips to your entire face and eyes, even your neck, shoulders, and scalp. Just smile!

Let me talk to you about choices for a moment. Each moment we have a choice about how we feel. Most often, we are caught up in the events of the moment, and forget we have that choice. Whenever we remember, however, we can shift gears with a simple physical action: a smile.

Our emotional state at any given moment is a result of our brain’s chemistry. If you’ll forgive the term, a “heady” combination of hormones and neural chemicals result in the particular ‘flavor’ of our brain soup. Our brain spices are different when angry than when sad, or ecstatic. Based on this idea that each emotion creates, or results (causation is not an issue in this article) in a particular chemical balance in our brains, it is pretty obvious that we can not entertain two opposing emotions at the same time. Just as your stove top chowder can’t be ‘too salty’ and ‘not salty enough’ at the same time, so your brain can’t be chemically spiced as ‘sad’ and ‘happy’ at the same time.

So…in those moments of lucidity when you become aware of who controls your brain’s spice cabinet, here is what I suggest—always season your brain, and your day, with a smile.

Let me suggest an experiment you can do right now. Just as you are sitting there now and reading this: Recall a less than glorious experience. As you recall this experience, notice how your brain and body begin to feel correspondingly poorly. Don’t let yourself feel too bad. Feel just bad enough to notice a change in your brain soup.

As soon as you notice a poor feeling, smile. Stop smiling. Smile bigger. Stop smiling. Smile even bigger. Stop smiling. Smile your biggest goofiest smile. Now, try to stop smiling. Hard to stop smiling, isn’t it?

Smiles seem to be one of those physical postures or actions that are ‘hard-wired’ to a particular emotional state. You simply can not feel sad while smiling. Try it.

Smiling is only one easy physical gesture that is hard-wired to an emotional state. Frowns are as well, but why fiddle around with negative states? Instead, let us consider some other posture or activities that are naturally connected to positive, or enjoyable emotional states.

Here is a good one…try feeling depressed while standing up straight. Hold your head high, breath high into your chest, and try to feel depressed or sad. Most people can not do it. Knowledge of such postural effects on emotions is deeply engrained into our language. Think of such phrases as "Hold your head high” or “chin up” as encouraging phrases offered to suffering friends.
Many people can’t feel bad when simply looking up with their eyes. Try it. Try to recall a sad or depressing thought while aiming your eyes high.

Use your body to flavor your ‘brain soup’. You’ll like the positive flavor.

This is another helpful tip from Richard Lefever and the brain weavers at Quit! Check us out at “www.quitsmokingoregon.com.”

Richard Lefever has a practice for Hypnotherapy Portland. For Hypnotherapy Oregon - give him a call today (877-296-6207)!

Set Goals for Self-improvement

2007-08-03T10:16:00.000-07:00

In order to succeed or accomplish anything in life you must first set goals. It is especially a must for any person interested in self-improvement. With that said, one of the first sets of goals should be on self-improvement.

But remember "What you achieve through the journey of life is not as important as who you become" - Author Unknown.

Start your 7 Day Success Program

Go ahead and take the actions and steps necessary to make your goal of self-improvement in some area of your life into a reality. A good example of this is how athletes will compare their current

performance to their own previous performances with self-improvement being the number one goal.

Below are six goal-setting actions to help you realize your goals:

1. Begin with short-term goals that will build upon themselves and lead you to long-term ones.

If you have a big task, like becoming debt free, break it into smaller steps which will help you stay focused and on course. You will feel good as you reach each goal, keeping you motivated and ready for the next one.

2. Make sure you really want the goal. It is very important that the goals you choose are yours and not someone else's goals set for you. If deep down you are not committed to the goals, you will only put off achieving it.

3. Share your goals with others. By doing this you will gain support you need from others. Make sure you share with those who will encourage you and not with those who will give you negative feedback.

4. Write down your goals. Create a written statement of goals and sign it. This will reinforce your commitment and give you a map for success. Also, when times get tough you can read your statement to help motivate you.

5. Stay the course and don't give up. There is nothing more satisfying in life then when you complete a goal. Being successful once turns into many. It can become quite additive.

6. Rejoice and celebrate. Take time to savor the moment. You worked hard and found out that by being committed and dedicated your goals were met.

There you have it, six basic steps that will aid you on your journey to successfully obtaining your goals. All though all six steps are important the one that stands out the most is number 1. If you can't break your goal down into bit size portions you will always put it off or procrastinate. And you know what happens when one procrastinates...nothing gets done. Good luck.

Dennis Watson - Just helping others succeed.
Zeoh.com Free Classifieds Web Site =>http://www.zeoh.com/
Good Health, Nutrition and Exercise Web Blog =>http://www.keeping-fit.blogspot.com

24 Secrets To Happiness

2007-08-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

Are you happy? Would you like to be even happier? You can if you understand what brings true, long-lasting happiness. We all have the ability to create a happy life and we all deserve it.

I learned a lot about happiness from my clients. As a Marriage, Family Therapist for 27 years, I first discovered what happiness is not. Many of my clients of all ages had many things happening in their lives that anyone would think would make them happy. To my surprise, men and women who had beautiful homes, cars, successful careers or businesses, good health, wonderful children, and free time to travel and participate in sports, were still very unhappy.

When I guided them through a process called HART, which stands for Holistic And Rapid Transformation, they changed their negative thoughts to positive ones. Then the clients were able to realize the messages below, and believe that happiness was in their grasp. As they focused on what they could do to feel true happiness, their lives improved dramatically.

The following 24 guidelines can assist you to enjoy this wonderful feeling.

Happiness Is….

1. Experiencing my life as an exciting journey.

2. Courageously doing what I want to do even if I'm scared.

3. Realizing that I have everything inside of me to make me happy.

4. Knowing that I'm the only one who can decide what is right or wrong for me.

5. Thinking positive thoughts which are attracting to me what I want and need.

6. Forgiving myself and others for what I perceive to be not okay.

7. Accepting that I'm okay even when I blunder and learning from my mistakes.

8. Realizing that I'm only responsible for my thoughts, feelings, and behavior.

9. Understanding that what people say or do is a reflection of them and not of me.

10. Listening to my inner wisdom, my intuition.

11. Stimulating my mind and caring for my body.

12. Balancing my life between work and play.

13. Understanding that every precious moment is all that matters.

14. Being caring and loving and pursuing my interests and talents.

15. Learning from my past, setting goals for the future, and focusing on the present.

16. Allowing myself to feel all of my emotions and to express them in healthy ways.

17. Taking the time to smell the flowers.

18. Sharing my truth in a loving way.

19. Overcoming my fears and resolving all my problems with win-win solutions.

20. Accepting changes, and flowing with them.

21. Understanding that my true success of each day is how much I have expressed caring to myself and others.

22. Being grateful for all that I have and for all that I am.

23. Accepting that I am okay and I deserve to be healthy, happy, and successful.

24. Giving and receiving unconditionally.

Copyright 2007 by Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, speaker, and author. Her newest book is, "ALL YOU NEED IS HART!”. She offers phone sessions, teleclasses, books, e-books, MP3 audios, tapes, posters, independent studies, and a free newsletter. http://www.lovetopeace.com , 1-888-639-6390.

How to Cope with a Spouse’s Negative Attitude

2007-07-31T18:38:00.000-07:00

Is your spouse a negative person? Does he or she consistently zero in on what’s wrong with you and the marriage while overlooking the many positives?

If so, it’s also quite possible that your spouse is just a negatively-oriented person about most things—work, the marriage, other people, the future, and life in general. Perhaps as time goes by, your spouse is becoming even more negative, critical, and complaining.

When I first talked to “Leigh” (not her real name), she was ready to leave her marriage because of her husband’s constant negativity. “Al” was a master at finding fault with Leigh’s decisions and suggestions. He had a sharp wit and could deliver zingers without batting an eye.

If Leigh suggested a picnic, Al responded with complaints about the perils of fire ants, killer bees, and sudden thunderstorms. Whenever she made a suggestion, Al would discourse on what was wrong with the idea and why it wouldn’t work.

If he did agree to go along with one of Leigh’s ideas or suggestions, he always expected the worse or talked about the negative aspects. In addition, Al was very critical.

The restaurant they tried was “too expensive,” the dinner conversation with friends was “too boring,” the movie was “too long,” the weekend camping trip was “too much work,” a gift from a family member was “stingy,” and the people at the church they visited were “hypocrites.” His boss is “an idiot,” his job “sucks,” and his life is “the pits.”

Since a negative attitude is highly contagious, it was challenging for Leigh to be around Al and not lose her normally positive orientation. She often felt drained and deflated in spirit after her interactions with Al. When she realized that he was becoming more negative the older he got and that she was starting to resent his attitude, she consulted with me.

Eight Steps to Overcome Negativity

If you’re in the same situation—married to a spouse with a negative attitude—I would give you the same recommendations that I gave Leigh. Here’s what you can do:

1. Deliberately cultivate friendships with other individuals and couples who have positive attitudes and who are fun to be around. Try to expand you and your spouse’s circle of friends to include couples who would be good role models for your mate and spend time with those couples.

Cut back on spending time with friends who encourage your spouse’s negative comments and attitude and slowly over time try to add individuals and couples who are strong positive influences.

2. Be sure that you have friends, activities, hobbies, and interests in your life that “feed your soul” and help you stay on a positive track. If things in your marriage aren’t what you wish they were, then you need to find satisfaction and joy in other areas to keep you centered and balanced emotionally.

Listen to inspiring songs and read inspirational books. “Feed” yourself a diet of positive messages that encourage and motivate you.

3. Monitor your moods to be sure that you’re not getting tangled up in what are commonly called “co-dependency” issues. That’s when you let your mood be determined and set by someone else.

An example would be if you were depressed all day because your spouse was in a bad mood at breakfast. Just because he’s in a funk doesn’t mean that you can’t have an enjoyable day. You don’t have to let your mate’s mood determine your mood or spoil your day.

Don’t give away your personal power. Take responsibility for creating your own happiness instead of being so influenced by your spouse’s negative attitude.

4. Keep a gratitude journal where you list what you’re thankful for each day. Form the habit of sharing with your spouse things that you’re thankful for. At dinner, for example, you might talk about how helpful the clerk at the grocery store was or tell about the favor a co-worker did for you that you appreciate.

If you’re thankful for seeing a beautiful bird or a lovely flowering tree, share your feelings. If you feel blessed by the kindness of a friend, share that. Even if what you say doesn’t impact your mate, you need to hear yourself expressing gratitude and appreciation for the gifts that you’ve been given. This helps you to keep focused on what’s right with your life instead of what’s wrong with it.

5. Try not to judge your spouse or make him or her “wrong” for being so negative. There are many factors that can influence a person’s attitudes: the attitudes they learned from their parents, their experiences growing up, low self-esteem, intense stress, clinical depression, a habit of negative self-talk, life disappointments and discouragement, and lack of hope.

Sometimes individuals who are negative think they are being “realistic” or helpful by “calling a spade a spade.” Others may think they are witty for delivering clever “zingers” and criticisms.

6. Schedule a time to talk to your partner about your concerns. Without sounding judgmental or “preachy,” give some specific examples of how her (or his) negativity has impacted you significantly. Perhaps your spouse is not even aware of just how negative she has become, or perhaps she is feeling depressed and needs to talk to her doctor or a counselor.

If your spouse reacts in anger, stay calm and non-defensive. State that you’d rather share your feelings now than have them fester underground and cause even more problems later.

7. If nothing changes after your talk with your spouse, write him (or her) a letter outlining your feelings and concerns about your reactions to his negative attitude. State that you want to look forward to your interactions and time with him, but you’re afraid the constant negativity will eventually affect your feelings.

In the letter, tell your spouse how much you value him and your marriage and that you love him deeply. Ask your mate to go to marriage counseling with you so that your marriage will stay strong and satisfying for both of you.

8. If your spouse is not willing to address the problem by talking with you or going to counseling, then make an appointment to see a counselor by yourself. You’ll need support and help in determining just what the next step needs to be—trying again to communicate verbally or in writing, or trying to adjust and live with things as they are, or in an extreme case, considering a temporary marital separation.

You’ll need a deep commitment to staying positive and upbeat to be able to withstand the strong negativity in your marriage relationship. The encouraging news, however, is that according to Robert H. Schuller, “It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts.”

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-creator of Overcome Control Conflict with Your Spouse or Partner, available at http://www.ControllingSpouse.com She is also co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I don't love you anymore! which is available at www.KeepYourMarriage.com , as well as a free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine . Dr. Wasson offers telephone and email coaching to individuals and couples who want to overcome relationship problems and create a rewarding, loving partnership.

How To Develop Your Own Personal Mission Statement

2007-07-30T00:10:00.000-07:00

Your personal development and motivation is the key to a successful and happy life. If you want to feel fulfilled from day to day then you need to know what makes you tick and how to get it. You need to be able to meet your goals and even exceed them and with a personal mission statement you will be that much closer to being in the position to do so.

Even businesses are getting in on these mission statements. They are a great way to make it known to yourself and others just where you want to be and what your goals really are. When you know your goal you can be constantly working towards them. If you simply bumble through life you will not stay on course with the same amount of steady ease. Everyone can benefit from a mission statement and if you want to get where you are going you will start writing your own today.

Your personal mission statement is not only about getting what you want out of work or the people around you, it is also about giving back to the world and your loved ones. This mission statement will help you to find out just where you stand in the world and help you to find out just what you should be doing for those around you. Take your time with this mission statement and see how you can change the world for the better. If you know that there is more that you could be doing for the entire world then this will help you to realize those dreams as well.

Your personal mission statement will help you to evolve into the person that you have always dreamed of becoming. If you are sick and tired of being the kind of person who simply lets things happen to them then a mission statement is for you. You will become a person to reckon with, a powerhouse of determination and skill. This statement is going to change your entire life for the better and it will begin to do so immediately. As soon as you take the step to start writing it you are going to begin to grow and evolve in ways that you ever thought that you could.

Start with just a simple pen and paper. Sit down and write about the person that you are today. Do you like yourself? Do you think that there are areas in your person that you could improve? Write about it and how you are going to change for the better and how you are going to do it. Focus also on your strengths and your abilities. Write how you want to change and in what areas of your life as well as about the goals that you want to see yourself meet over time. Which goals are short term ones and which are long terms goals. Write down all of the personal tings that you want to see happen and change in your life and you will change from that day forward.

Dana Goldberg, Author

You Have Always A Choice

2007-07-29T01:13:00.000-07:00

Here is a great article that I would like to share with you by Rene Graeber. I think it makes some very good and valid points. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

People often say they have no choice when faced with a dead end. They say they have no choice but to take the one direction available, which is often a wrong one.

When they say that remark, they must understand that they have to take the blame for the consequences of what they will do.

However, truth is far from the often-circulated concept that man has no choice.

We do have choices. As long as you have rights to protect, you have a choice. When rights are denied, then so are options. When you let your rights be denied, this too is an option.

Just look at slaves. Most of them obey not out of willingness, but because they have no rights; and thus, they have no choice but to obey. Yet, in another light, it is really their choice that they are slaves. Even not having a choice is still a choice.

Some are willing slaves. They voluntarily throw their rights away because they believe the person to whom they render service to is worthy of treating them as such.

Some simply accept their lot as slaves, and that is their choice. Some refuse to be slaves and choose to assert their rights. All these are choices.

The kind of life you have is the life you choose. You cannot blame anyone for how your life ends up.

For instance, you can choose to live happily or miserably. It all depends on you. If you live a hectic life, that’s because you choose to be busy. No one can force a kind of life upon you, not even a superior who points a gun to your head. Every choice has its consequence.

Thus, if you choose to be healthy, live up to that choice. Be healthy. The choice will have to be followed by a decision to be disciplined.

Being disciplined means that you must exert effort to attain and maintain a healthy body. Eat right, exercise right, sleep right, and live right.

Don’t blame anyone else if you get sick. Getting sick is a choice. Some people cannot afford to be healthy because they choose not to afford it.

They can spend for something else but not for good health. To be able to prioritize good health in your budget, you have to live a simple life. Every choice entails a consequence, so you have to live up to your choices.

Do you believe that you can attain anything your heart desires? I'm telling you, you can! Rene Graeber uses and teaches will power and mind control for more than 10 years. Visit his website and learn how to unleash your full potential of your mind - just visit http://www.will-power-mind-control.com

How To Be The Best That You Can Be

2007-07-22T01:41:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why it is that some people seem to succeed at everything they decide to do, while others struggle through life never quite finding the success and fulfillment that in a sense is everyone’s right?

You might have done more than wonder. It might even be that you’ve felt envious of others’ successes … and begrudged them their fame, riches, big house, fast car or whatever. I must admit to having done my share of that when I was struggling and convincing myself that some had all the luck, while others had none.

But then I began to wonder whether they actually had endless luck … or something else. And I began to read up on the subject – autobiographies of successful people such as Richard Branson and Robert T. Kiyosaki – and books on how to achieve.

I learned something very interesting: the way we look at things makes all the difference between achievement and non-achievement. If we see something as impossible it quickly becomes impossible, whereas if we start looking hard for possibilities these start presenting themselves. It’s a question of ‘I can if I think I can’, which might seem simplistic – but then life is often simpler than we think!

Everything begins with a thought. Alexander Graham Bell could not have invented the telephone without first thinking that such a device must be within the bounds of possibility. Likewise Sir Alexander Fleming, discoverer of penicillin, and that other famous Fleming – Ian, creator of 007 James Bond. Imagine how much poorer we’d all be without ‘phones, antibiotics and the super-spy whose antics both on the written page and our cinema and TV screens have held millions enthralled!

And start imagining how you could improve your situation by thinking different thoughts. Instead of thinking ‘I wish I had his/her money, lifestyle, private plane, island etc’ start thinking of all that you do have and counting your blessings. As you count them, perhaps – if appropriate - starting with your health, you’ll begin to see that things could be a lot worse than they are and you can move on from there to develop an attitude of plenty rather than of lack.

I used to be forever focusing on what I couldn’t afford, rather than on what I could. One of my favorite expressions was ‘I can’t justify the cost of that’. Bit by bit I took myself in hand, developing a different attitude and beginning to understand that I was creating my own destiny. When I made a negative choice it was almost inevitable that there was a negative outcome, whereas when I erred on the side of the positive (thinking ‘I can’ instead of ‘I can’t’) the outcomes of my decisions started improving.

As these improved, so did my attitude – unless it all began with my attitude? Once I stopped focusing on lack and started permitting the flow of good things I found after a while that I lacked nothing.

I also found more to like about myself than I had found when I let envy color my perceptions. And the more I liked, the more I believed that absolutely anything is possible – which indeed it is, if you set out to be the best that you can be!

© Pamela Glynn

I am a published author with particular interest in self-development. If you enjoyed this article I GUARANTEE you will LOVE my recently completed e-book about a baby bird's inspiring path to maturity. DUSTY'S JOURNEY can be accessed via: http://www.dustysjourney.com

Article Source: http://www.positivearticles.com

Making and being a great friend

2007-05-24T08:08:00.001-07:00

Have you come across a person who is so naturally friendly that when you put him inside a room of strangers, he'll be friends with almost everyone in no time? We call such a people-person, someone unbelievably nice and charismatic that he can charm anyone into doing anything.

A socially-empowered person achieves so much greatness, basically because of the people that catapult him to success. He earns the trust and all-out support of the people, whom he had helped before. He never runs out of help. He can do anything with the plethora of people behind him. All because he knows he maximizes his social potential!

See, if you know your social skills and you make use of them, you will reach self-empowerment. Self-empowerment is making a general overhaul in your life and turning yourself into a happier and more successful person.If you can be one of those people-persons, then I can't see any reason why you will not succeed. You just have to know how to start.

1. Be genuine.

Hypocrisy will just bring you all the way down. Be genuinely nice and interested to people. Once they perceive that you are Mr. Hypocrite with selfish intentions, you might as well say goodbye to self-empowerment.

2. Be the greatest listener that you can be.

To earn the love and trust of the people, listen to their problems and sympathize with them. Do not just hear them out, listen to them with your heart. Make eye contact when the person talks to you. Listen as if every word matters, and it does. Brownie points when they find out that there is a confidante in you.

3. Laugh out loud.

I do not mean that you force yourself to laugh for every joke cracked by someone, albeit you do not find it funny at all.This means finding humor in things and not being too darn serious. A person oozing with an awesome sense of humor attracts crowds and eventually, attracts success.

4. Don't forget yourself.

In the process of fluttering around like a social butterfly, you might forget yourself, allowing everyone to push you over. Remember, love and value yourself before anyone else. If you deem yourself respectable and worthy of affection, people will flock to you and not trample on you.

5. Do random acts of kindness.

You don't have to do a John Rockefeller and blow your savings to charity. Little acts of kindness matters the most, and this can be as simple as giving someone a surprise you-take-care card or helping an elderly cross the street. When we were kindergarten students, kindness was taught to us and greatly practiced. Now is the time to revive the good deeds and this time, let them stay for good.

6. Contact your old friends.

Sad how some friendships are destined to goodbye, but thanks to technology, you can do something about it. Relive the good old days by flipping your yearbook and look for the great people whom you want to communicate with again. Adding these old friends to your roster of support peers will surely make you feel good all over.

7. Develop your personality.

Are you grouchy, grumpy and generally morose? Whoa, you can't go through life with those. Get rid of the bad traits and habits that perpetually hamper your growth. And really, who wants a grouchy friend anyway?

8. Be confident.

Be able to stride to the other corner of the room and introduce yourself to people with that winning smile of yours. Just remember: be confident, not arrogant.

9. Practice control.

When angry, don't snap at anyone. Never throw a tantrum. Stay calm and collected. Be adult enough to take control of situation and transform your anger into something more productive and passive. As soon as people think your anger goes to volcanic proportions easily, they will find it hard to come to you.

10. Keep nurturing your relationships.

Your relationship with your family, friends and significant others is too precious that you must not neglect it whatever happens. Go out and have fun with them. Do things together. Happiness will never fly from your side as long as the people who matter the most are close to you.

In the end, using people for self-empowerment means becoming a better and more lovable person. It's a win-win situation: the people know they can turn to you anytime and vice versa.

To sum things up I truly hope that each of you see me as such a friend. If you feel that I am lacking in any area, don't hesitate to give me a swift kick to wake me up so I can correct my faults.

Thank you to all my friends!

Best wishes,
JD

Making and being a great friend

2007-05-24T08:08:00.000-07:00

Psychological Self-improvement: Ways to overcome fear

2007-05-22T02:08:00.000-07:00

People are usually afraid of negative things. They are afraid of self-improvement because of this fear. Psychological self-improvement may help you in this situation.

In psychological self-improvement, The best way to remove this fear is to understand that life is always in the cycle of ups and downs. No one is permanently up or permanently down. Remember that no one can avoid these ups and downs even the most envied Hollywood stars.

What we should do about these downs is to learn from it and not to avoid it. We should learn how to handle our problems for our psychological self-improvement.

Problems affect us every day. These problems bring us misery due to the fact that we have feelings. We should never loose hope in figuring out solutions to these problems. All we need is to learn how to overcome it and not to be overcome.

Problems can never be overcome but we can learn from them. This is where Psychology plays an important role.

Psychologists say that we should always be careful in our decisions concerning our problems. We should handle our problems properly and learn how to deal with it. Learning from mistakes helps us in preparing ourselves for psychological self-improvement

There are a lot of myths about every event in our lives is due to pre-determined reason. Another belief says that what we encounter in our lives today is our preparation for other things that may come in our lives. To understand what may happen to us in the future, we must learn from the present.

With all that, it is also true that the unexpected can happen anytime. However, you should keep in mind that a psychological self-improvement is not always for the worse and consequently, you must never let go of a chance, because you are afraid to take the risk.

Remember that, from time to time, something has to happen in order to free you from monotony, so you shouldn’t be surprised if, at a certain moment in time, instead of being afraid of change, you desire it with all your heart.

If there are some things that hinder you from going on, here are some tips to help you move forward:

Just think of the positive impacts results from the psychological self-improvement. Know important they are and reflect on how to increase them, by adding some other good aspects, which need certain assistance.

Try to picture somebody else in your situation, as picturing ourselves in a less desirable position, always looks more dramatic than it really is. If you realize that the other person can handle the change, you can be sure you’ll be able to handle it as well. This is a good psychological self-improvement.

Think of the worst situation that can result after the self-improvement. Try to find various solutions to it. Reflect on how much you can loose, if the worst happened, and how important those things are to you. If you find more than one reasonable solution, you are safe and the self-improvement can’t be stronger than you are!

Self-improvement is not bad at all. All we need is to learn how to handle some negative changes. We should also reflect from it to learn and use it in the future events that we may encounter. This could be your ultimate psychological self-improvement.

How to get Unstoppable confidence

2007-05-16T12:21:00.000-07:00

Todays article is by best selling author Kent Sayre. His book is one that has become like a bible to me. I refer to it often and use his methods daily in my personal life. I hope that you enjoy the article as much as I do and highly recommend that you check out this awesome book.

Unstoppable confidence is the unshakable belief in yourself and what you are capable of. What separates the people who achieve their dreams and the people who languish is confidence. With confidence, people pursue their goals and persevere until they achieve them. Without confidence, time passes as the people stay stuck in their rigid comfort zones, unable to escape.

How can you immediately gain more confidence? There are a huge number of ways. All of them have been put into my bestselling book, “Unstoppable Confidence”, available at Unstoppable Confidence of course, I’m not recreating the book here so let me give you just one way.

One way to immediately gain confidence is to reclaim lost perspective in things. If people are uncertain or afraid of something new, it’s often times a result of them magnifying the event or circumstance in their minds to the point where it’s seemingly a “life-or-death situation”.

Take, for example, a nervous company employee having to make a speech to their peers at work. They sweat bullets, their stomach tightens, they go weak in the knees, their mind races, etc. Why? All that’s about to happen is them speaking to someone else. In fact, public speaking is the number one fear of adults. More so than even death.

The reason is because they’ve magnified the event of them speaking to others as something very, very, super duper important where they feel like their life depends on their performance. Nonsense. To immediately regain perspective, I’ve distilled this mental process into a few specific, immediately applicable steps.

This example is for overcoming the fear of public speaking and it’s applicable for any fear. When you apply this technique, your life will instantly change for the better. Best of all, I’m giving you this million dollar technique for FREE.

1.) Close your eyes and picture a mental movie screen

2.) Now, picture yourself giving a speech to your peers at work on this movie screen

3.) Take the image of yourself and make yourself HUGE, like as big as Godzilla

4.) Take the image of the people watching your speech and shrink them down to a very small size, like the size of ants (Imagine ant-sized people sitting in chairs watching a Godzilla-sized you giving your speech)

5.) Now, step into this movie and see through the eyes of the HUGE you, hear yourself speak confidently, and FEEL the confidence now as you deliver a speech to ant-sized humans; Notice how confident you are!

This technique works because it changes your perspective. Many people, in order to feel afraid, do the opposite. They make themselves ant-sized and make their listeners Godzilla-sized. If you don’t believe me and want to torture yourself, try it out. It can make anyone feel anxious.

Practice this technique whenever you need more confidence. Pretty soon you’ll have it down as a habit. And when you do, you’ll look back at this article and smile with the knowledge it made a difference to you.

Kent Sayre is a worldwide persuasion expert and author of the bestselling book “Unstoppable Confidence ” endorsed by such celebrity authors as Brian Tracy, Robert Allen, and Jim Rohn.

WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO IMPROVE YOUR SELF?

2007-05-14T12:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when all our doubts, fears and insecurities wrap ourselves up, we always come up with the idea of “I wish I was somebody else.” More often than not, we think and believe that someone or rather, most people are better than us.- when in reality, the fact is, most people are more scared than us.

You spot a totally eye-catching girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping on a glass of wine. You think to yourself, “she looks so perfectly calm and confident.” But if you could read thr0ugh her transparent mind, you would see a bunch of clouds of thoughts and you might just be amazed that she’s thinking “are people talking about why I am seated here alone?... Why don’t guys find me attractive? …I don’t like my ankles, they look too skinny… I wish I was as intelligent as my best friend.”

We look at a young business entrepreneur and say “Wooh… what else could he ask for?” He stares at himself at the mirror and murmur to himself, “I hate my big eyes… I wonder why my friends won’t talk to me… I hope mom and dad would still work things out.”

Isn’t it funny? We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them, while they look at us and thinks of the same thing. We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in self improvement because we are enveloped in quiet desperation.

Sometimes, you notice that you have an irritating habit like biting off your finger nails, having a foul mouth, and you – of all people, are the last to know.

I have a friend who never gets tired of talking. And in most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she has to say. So all of our other friends tend to avoid the circles whenever she’s around, and she doesn’t notices how badly she became socially handicapped – gradually affecting the people in her environment.

One key to self improvement is to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. Find someone who you find comfort in opening up with even the most gentle topics you want to discuss. Ask questions like “do you think I am ill-mannered?”, “Do I always sound so argumentative?”, “Do I talk too loud?”, “Does my breath smell?”, “Do I ever bore you when were together?”. In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self improvement. Lend her your ears for comments and criticisms and don’t give her answers like “Don’t exaggerate! That’s just the way I am!” Open up your mind and heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help her improve her self.

One of Whitney Houston’s songs says “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself too. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.

Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself is a representation and a product of self improvement. Self improvement makes us better people, we then inspire other people, and then the rest of the world will follow.

Stop thinking of yourselves as second-rate beings. Forget the repetitive thought of “If only I was richer… if only I was thinner” and so on. Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others only to find out at the end that we’ve got 10 more reasons to envy them.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. But life need not to be perfect for people to be happy about themselves.Self improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It’s the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.

What Innovation Can Do to Your Life

2007-05-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

It's a talent that everyone has, yet they think they don't. The power of innovation. If you've ever marveled at somebody's creative prowess, guess what, you can create and innovate too. It just takes time. Everyone is born creative. The box of crayons in kindergarten were not limited to those who possessed potential; because the truth is, everybody has potential.

You know how long it took to learn to ride a bike or drive or to never commit the same mistake again? It's the same with innovation. It takes a bit of practice and a lot of time before this mind function comes easily when called. This article will teach you a few tips on how to bring innovation into your life.

Don't listen to what other people say. Follow the beat of your own drum. Allowing for the input of other people will only bring cacophony to the music you are trying to make. If you have an original idea, don't waste your time and effort trying to make people understand. They won't. And the help you will probably get comes in the form of negative feedback. If all those geniuses listened to their peers, we would probably still be living in the middle ages.

Spend time on it. I cannot stress that enough, although, please do not mistake this tip to tell you to quit your day job entirely. Do not. This involves some tricky time management but with a little discipline you'll be able to squeeze both in.

Exercise. Take a walk. Run a mile or two. Send all those endorphins coursing through your veins. Exercising certainly clears and relaxes your mind and allows for anything to pop up.

Record your dreams. Aren't some of them just the craziest things that your conscious mind would never have thought of? If you've had these dreams before, and I'm sure have, this only shows you the untapped innovative power you have lying within. So jot down those notes. Those dreams may just create an innovative spark in you.

Find your own style. You can always tell a Van Gogh from a Matisse. You'll know Hemingway wrote something by the choice of words on the paper. So it is the same with you. People will appreciate your innovation more because it is uniquely yours and that no one else would have thought of what you were thinking. That will let people see how valuable an asset you are.

Don't hide behind nifty gadgets or tools. You don't need the most expensive set of paints to produce a masterpiece. The same way with writing. You don't need some expensive fountain pen and really smooth paper for a bestseller. In fact, J.K. Rowling wrote the first book of the Harry Potter Series on bits of tissue. So what if you've got an expensive SLR camera if you're a crappy photographer? Who cares if you've got a blinging laptop if you can't write at all? The artist actually reduces the number of tools he has as he gets better at his craft: he knows what works and what doesn't.

Nothing will work without passion. What wakes you up in the mornings? What keeps the flame burning? What is the one thing that you'll die if you don't do? Sometimes people with talent are overtaken by the people who want it more. Think the hare and the tortoise. Ellen Degeneres once said that if you're not doing something that you want to do, then you don't really want to do it. And that's true. Sometimes you just want something so bad you become a virtual unstoppable. And that is passion. Passion will keep you going.

Don't worry about inspiration. You can't force it; inspiration hits when you least expect it to, for those unpredictable yet inevitable moments you should prepare. An idea could strike you on the subway, yet alas, you poor unfortunate soul; you have no sheet of paper to scribble down a thought that could change the world. Avoid these disasters. Have a pen and paper within your arm's reach at all times.

I hope this article has helped you bring more innovation into your life. Keep in mind that you're doing these things for your own satisfaction and not anybody else's. But soon enough they will notice, and everything should snowball from there.

How to maintain your self improvement course

2007-05-08T21:54:00.000-07:00

Once you have decided on a self improvement course, you will face moments along your journey where it seems that you are not making progress toward your goal. It is but natural.

Staying in the course when the results do not seem to be coming can be challenging. But then, you must not give up when you are pursuing a dream.

Stay on your self improvement course. Do not jump overboard. If you believe in your dream and are willing to see it through, you will surely enjoy the sweet reward of success when you arrive at your destination.

Below are four tips for staying the self improvement course.

1. Stay positive.

Your mental attitude toward your situation is very important. If you think possibilities, you will be better able to focus on the opportunities that are present in setbacks or delays.

Try to become your own dictator when you surrender your will to negative thoughts. Keep a positive attitude. You know that you have what it takes to succeed.

Tell yourself to think thoughts that will lift your spirit and renew that desire to succeed.

2. Pull versus Push.

It is not possible to push a rope. Neither can you make any progress by pushing and forcing it to move to your liking.

Experts will tell you that you need to make yourself "attractive" so that you can effortlessly draw to yourself what you want in life. This will also move you away from seducing or pushing in order to produce the outcome that you desire.

What have you been attracting to your life? Are you the one doing the pushing or the pulling?

3. Be persistent.

Continue on taking action daily toward your dreams and goals. Patience and persistence are the crowning qualities of self-confident champions.

Think of the gardener who plants a seed and then waits for it to sprout and grow. He waters and nourishes the seed even when he does not see immediate results, having faith that the seed will develop into a beautiful plant.

Like the gardener, do not think of what you see and what is going on today. Look ahead in the future and what your actions now will result to.

What can you do today to achieve your future plans?

4. Have a success partner.

Having a success partner to encourage and support you especially when you are down or frustrated can make the difference in achieving a goal.

Sometimes our vision is blurred by distraction or discouragement. Having a supportive partner who wants big things for you and believes in you can help you stay the self improvement course.

You can do it on your own, but you do not have to do it alone. You have a choice.

Why not have a success partner who will stick with you not only through the good times but also through the bad times?

Elbert Hubbard said "Know what you want to do, hold the thought firmly, and do every day what should be done, and every sunset will see you that much nearer to your goal."

Nobody told you that the self improvement course you have chosen to trek is easy. But with enough willpower and the perseverance to go on, you will finally reach that long awaited destination which is success.

Good luck and best wishes,
JD

P.S. We have five FREE Self Improvement courses for you. There is no registration or email required. Visit our site and take one or all five courses FREE!

Confident Lifestyle

Focus on your mental and emotional side to gain self improvement

2007-05-07T14:44:00.000-07:00