Wedding Planning Stress

Wedding Planning Stress Busters

2008-11-06T05:37:00.001-08:00

Feeling stressed and overwhelmed about your upcoming wedding? Check out our top 5 stress busters to get you back feeling like your fabulous self:

Tip # 1: Exercise - Exercising releases endorphins, which naturally help to improve your mood and fight stress. Even if you're just hitting the treadmill, make it a point to find time to work out at least 2-3 times per week. Beating stress and losing those last 5lbs before the wedding is a great motivator!

Tip # 2: Maintain your "me" time - Take an hour every night to focus on YOU. Whether it's taking a relaxing bubble bath, reading a good book, or watching your favorite episode of "Sex and the City", it's important to maintain your alone time. Everyone needs a little time to themselves each day...especially in the months leading up to your big day!

Tip # 3: Schedule a spa day - Gather your bridesmaids and MOH and head to a spa for the day. Indulge on massages, pedicures, and manicures...after all, nothing is more relaxing than being pampered, right?!

Tip #4: Get a hobby - Now I know it's hard to set aside time for a hobby when you feel like you have 1,001 things to do for the wedding, but it's important to do something you love when you're feeling stressed. Take a few hours out of your week to do something that you enjoy...maybe it's taking a yoga class, scrapbooking, or even brushing up on your cooking skills for your husband-to-be!

Tip # 5: Take a vacation - As Fall is settling in on Western Pennsylvania, head south with your fiance for a few days of R&R. If you can't get the time off from work, then take a weekend road trip for just the two of you...even if you only travel a few hours away, it will be refreshing to get away and focus on each other, rather than the wedding.

Please, avoid next wedding stresses mistake!

2008-09-17T06:11:00.001-07:00

Drunken toasts by your friends, which are completely inappropriate in mixed company

What do you mean your eighty year-old grandmother didn't hear that hilarious "public nudity arrest" story from college? Don't worry - after a couple (dozen, in some cases) celebratory cocktails, your friends will clear up that oversight during their heartfelt toasts to you. Just so you know, during these toasts you are expected to remain gracefully composed and smiling sweetly, because everyone will be staring at you while you're sure they're wondering how you had the audacity to wear white. Your friends are also likely to mention any or all of the following: previous lapses in romantic judgment (How could you have forgotten about "Slade" from the Metallica cover band? They didn't…), lapses in judgment with your beloved groom ("Officer, we were just looking for my contact lens in the back seat; we thought it might have been stuck to our clothes…") or any other general stumbles along the way to becoming the charming, sophisticated woman that you will (pretend to) be on your wedding day.

Sober toasts by anyone who doesn't even need to drink too much to make your friends and family members squirm with discomfort

I think a personal anecdote will illustrate this point well. During her extended speech at our rehearsal dinner, my husband's mother - who is …ahem… an outspoken urban liberal lesbian - spent about a half-hour bringing my conservative Midwestern family up to speed on the modern alternative family structure, or lack thereof. Don't get me wrong, I don't find any fault with alternative lifestyles, but at the time this explanation seemed about as appropriate and timely as offering an in-depth analysis of the Nativity Scene during a Jewish wedding. After about the seventh reference to keeping the limbs of the family tree clear rather than straight, my cousin remarked under his breath that the experience felt something like "drinking from a diversity fire hose". The more she emphasized the fact that I was about to gain three mothers-in-law (use your imagination here) rather than the measly one that many brides have to settle for, the more I wished that it were more socially acceptable for the bride to use an IV to ingest her champagne. However, I am happy to report that after almost three years of marriage, only one mother-in-law has yet to feel me up. Yep, you heard me.

Bridal wardrobe malfunctions (don't lose too much weight after your last dress fitting!)

There seems to be a blessing that many brides encounter as they approach their wedding day: the incredible shrinking waistline. Perhaps it's the stress of last-minute details that stifles the appetite and boosts the metabolism, or maybe it's the bionic buff-bride training/starvation regimen that many of us (myself included) put ourselves through in order to look our very best - or most emaciated - for the big event. However, a little known and much less welcome side effect of the whittled waist is the belittled bust. Yes it's true, my friends - your two most important ladies in waiting will also shrink in anticipation of the spotlight. This is definitely worth noting if you choose to wear one of those pretty strapless numbers that are en vogue these days. I did, and it made for a couple of memorable moments on my wedding day. The first of these occurred after we were pronounced husband and wife and kissed one another, when I went in to give my new husband an impromptu bear hug without considering the consequences. Because he is nearly a foot taller than I am, I had to reach up which…shall we say…leveled the playing field. Up went the arms, down came the dress, and out popped the nude colored magical suck-this-in-stick-that-out undergarment device. Thankfully my maid of honor, who was at my side, saw what was happening and pulled the dress up before my wedding video required an R-rating. The incident repeated itself during my first dance with my dad, which is also a somewhat awkward time to put on an unexpected bridal lingerie show. Anyway, my advice to you is this: Consider spaghetti straps, and if that's not an option please be liberal with the fork at your cake tastings.

Wardrobe mishaps by other members of the family or wedding party

The mother-in-law again. While I may sort-of have three (have you figured it out yet?), the biological one has really pulled ahead of the pack in terms of creating stories that must be shared. Ladies, I cannot emphasize enough that while your in-laws (and your own families as well) may be giant pains in the you-know-what during wedding planning, they usually mean well (let's give them the benefit of the doubt anyway) and they don't let up just because it happens to be your wedding day…or ever again. But I digress.

The wedding wardrobe mishap that I am referring to came in the form of a giant swath of lavender and fuchsia silk that enveloped my husband's mother and followed her down the aisle with a train that was three times the length of my own. Now I am not an entirely traditional person, and I say, "You go, Girl" with whatever you want to do to celebrate your marriage - tradition be damned, if you say so. But I will just point out for comparison's sake that the groom's mother frequently wears something fairly demure (champagne is a popular color, I believe), yet lovely. It is not often that she shows up to her son's wedding in a ball gown that makes JLo's green, plunging Versace number look like a nun's habit…but it does happen, apparently. To her credit, the gown was complemented with matching stylish European glasses and fabulous yet sensible shoes, but I think she chose those accessories just so nobody would be confused about her orientation.

Mid-reception nudity

Thank God this one isn't about my mother-in-law, although I hope you thought that it might be…or at least realized by this point that it could have been. I have to preface this anecdote by saying that I am one hundred percent in favor of post-reception nudity as a way to get to know your fellow wedding guests, or even late-reception nudity in certain circumstances…but mid-reception nudity, I think it's safe to say, should generally be avoided. That's not to say that it will be, depending on who your friends are. I went to the lovely afternoon garden wedding of one of my best friends a few years back, who married a wonderful man from Wyoming. Let me tell you what I learned after the first hour of the reception: Cowboys like to wear only boots, if given the choice. And liquor gives them that choice. I was already attached to my husband at the time, otherwise I think I would have quit my job and opened up my own private dude ranch with an open bar policy. Now I am exaggerating a bit when I say that they like to wear only boots, because they will also wear hats, and spurs if they're available. Thankfully in this case somebody had the foresight during wedding planning to recognize that spurs and whisky are a dangerous mix around Wyoming boys, and since whisky wasn't up for discussion, no spurs could be found on the premises.

The top 10 Tips for Reducing Stress on your Wedding Day

2008-08-28T13:34:00.001-07:00

Even though your wedding day is billed as your 'special day', you often can't help but feel stressed and overwhelmed by the whole affair. Following are some tips to help you reduce the stress on your wedding day:

1. Try and eat a healthy breakfast. A healthy, nutritious breakfast will provide a wonderful start to your wedding day, followed by several small meals throughout the rest of the day. Incorporate into your meals a light menu of unsweetened fresh/dried fruit, unsalted nuts, raw vegetables, low-fat yogurt, cottage cheese, and high-fiber bread. Unsweetened fruit juices also help to calm stressed-out nerves.

2. Make sure you have some fresh bottled water with you at all times. Taking a few sips throughout the day is better than guzzling down the whole bottle in 10 minutes, unless you want to spend a lot of time running to and from the restroom. Among a host of other things, water is necessary for the body to digest and absorb vitamins and minerals. Coffee, tea and caffeinated sodas prompt the body to lose water, so they can work against you on your wedding day.

3. Laugh! Find every reason throughout the day to find things around you that help to make you laugh. Laughter has been found to help in decreasing stress hormones that can constrict blood vessels and suppress immune activity.

4. Be very well organized. The more time you spend organizing everything with everybody prior to the wedding (e.g., caterer, event coordinator, photographer, disk jockey/DJ, videographer, limo driver, etc.) the less stress you will have on your wedding day. Do not leave things to the last minute, and try to have everything finalized at least one week ahead of your wedding day.

5. If you are leaving for your honeymoon immediately after the reception, don’t forget to have all your luggage (along with important items like passports, airline tickets, travelers checks, etc.,) packed and placed in a safe location you have access to.

6. Get a good night’s sleep the night before your wedding. In order to get a good night’s sleep the night before, you should

avoid watching TV in bed;
minimize noise, light, and temperature extremes in your room;
avoid any naps during the day before;
not drink caffeine at least 4 hours prior to going to sleep;
avoid eating, exercise or alcohol prior to going to sleep.

7. Delegate as many tasks to as many people that are willing to help as possible. The less you have to do on your wedding day, the less stressful it will be for you.

8. Keep a healthy perspective on the day. Even though the wedding day is important, your future happiness does not depend on this single day alone.

9. Research has shown that music has a profound effect on your body and psyche. Music can be used to bring about a more positive state of mind, which can help prevent the stress response from wreaking havoc on the body. Make sure you work with your disc jockey/DJ to incorporate all the songs that mean the most to you in your ceremony and/or reception.

10. Understand that not everything on your wedding day is under your control. Names can get mispronounced, important participants can get lost or arrive late, nature can refuse to cooperate, vehicles can break down, and so on. Amidst all this, try and accept with grace and humility the fact that not everything is under your control.

11. Bonus tip! Above all, make sure you take the time to enjoy your special day, even though there will be a lot going on. Take in the elegant floral arrangements, the exquisite table settings, the smiling faces, the soothing music, and all the other special touches that have been put together just for you.

All wedding days are fraught with stress

2008-08-28T13:26:00.001-07:00

What is it about long, summer days that would make anyone want to drag all of their family and most of their friends into a dark church and then a hotel ballroom for dinner at 5pm, followed by entertainment which is at best indifferent and often excruciatingly bad? Could it be love?

Yes, it's summertime, but weddings are anything but easy. Getting hitched, with its quaint etiquette, zealous attention to detail and dangerous mix of emotion and ambition, is a minefield that's only for the very brave, very foolish or the utterly smitten.

Forget the sales talk about 'your dream day' and remember that behind every frothy romantic fantasy lies a wake of sweat and tears.

Even the most meticulously planned wedding can unravel disastrously -- key family members get lost on their way to the church, bridesmaids quarrel and guests get embarrassingly drunk.

On my own 'big' day, the band failed to turn up, so guests scrambled to grab tapes and CDs from their cars. Another stepped in to improvise as DJ, desperately rewinding and forwarding a tape to find our 'special song' (see wedding no-no's below). After several false starts, instead of waltzing to One, our guests fell about while we danced to I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.

And even when, like Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin, you spend millions and have top-notch planners, she had to dash through a downpour which was hardly expected in Italy in June.

So with the proviso that no wedding will go entirely smoothly, here are some pitfalls to avoid on your big day:

Hen/stag nights: Any night out where having fun is compulsory is obviously doomed but it would be churlish to skip this tradition altogether.

Definitely, no T-shirts with 'Jenny's last night of freedom' emblazoned across the front, no flashing antlers and no fake willies. And ask yourself, were you ever overcome with mirth at the sight of some bloke, stark naked bar the fluffy pink handcuffs, racing down the main street. Then again...

Guest list: A major cause of stress. No matter how hard you try, you will end up putting more than one nose seriously out of joint, quite probably your mother's. Stick to the 'if you can't please all of the people, you might as well please yourself' rule. Be firm, diplomatic and then choose all the people you want to have at your party. And don't include ex-partners.

Bridesmaids: Try to limit numbers here or you'll look like you're attempting a remake of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

And DON'T put unforgiving clingy satin identikits on girls of different shapes and sizes -- they'll all be miserable.

Instead suggest a colour or look and co-ordinate, while giving them some scope to wear styles that suit them.

Seating arrangements: Put people who know each other together, rather than forcing different groups to "get to know each other".

Your friends and family will have more fun and this adds to the atmosphere in the room.

Free bar: Beware. A friend recalls a wedding where almost all the guests were glassy-eyed and rubber-kneed long before the meal was served.

Don't spend too long on your photographs and serve some canapes for soakage as few will have eaten since breakfast that morning.

Photography: As natural as possible is usually best, if you don't want really cheesy images.

One photographer, who fancied himself as a creative artist, superimposed a picture of the bride peeping around the corner at herself and her husband. At least, it guaranteed a laugh at every family gathering since.

Speeches: Another serious danger zone. The worst mistake is to try and reinvent yourself as a stand-up comic. On this day, the crowd loves you and will forgive emotion, shyness, awkwardness and repetition. But try not to make them cringe, with bar-stool humour, lewd comments about the bride or bridesmaids or embarrassing references to past love lives.

At one wedding I attended, the best man said he hoped there were at least two mirrors in the house because the bride and groom were too vain to share. (The marriage lasted less than two years.) Another groom spent 20 minutes making 'in' jokes only enjoyed by his drinking buddies while the rest of the room yawned. And on another occasion, the father of the bride nearly throttled his new son-in-law after he made endless hints about his daughter's prowess in the sack.

Sincerity, a few genuine anecdotes and thank-yous go a long way. Then sit down.

First dance: Yes, we did it and it provided us with the biggest laugh of the day but, overall, this is better avoided. If you both go off and perfect the tango, you will be mercilessly and justifiably teased for ever more. But, with every eye on you, shuffling around the floor is not ideal either.

Like the day in general, strive for fun, rather than perfection. Instead of following a set formula, add your own personal touches. Anger Management star Adam Sandler handed out Krispy Kreme doughnuts at his wedding. Another celebrity groom had waiters carrying great silver chafing dishes filled with McDonald's hamburgers. And Coleen and Wayne served pizza.

Whatever works for you, it's your day. Enjoy it.

Wedding planner Rosemarie Meleady knows first-hand that what is meant to be your dream day is often anything but. On the morning of her own nuptials, her photographer showed up, stricken faced, to announce that his wife had just gone into labour prematurely.

What could she say but "go, go" but sadly, the generously donated photographs taken by family and friends didn't quite match the images of her special day that she had hoped for.

These days, Rosemarie and her team try to ensure similar mishaps do not mar their clients' weddings. Although based in Co Wexford, Rosemarie has been organising weddings all over the country for the past eight years.

Yet, she insists she has never had to cope with the insatiable demands of a Bridezilla.

"I'm careful who I take on. I have had mothers (of the bride) ring me up and make enquiries and all they are interested in is whether I will be helping them choose their outfit."

Rosemarie usually has more than one conversation with a prospective couple before taking on the responsibility of organising their special day.

And with her experience, she could probably write a book on how to avoid most of the pitfalls. But even with that wisdom, she readily admits that getting hitched rarely goes without a hitch.

On one occasion, she ordered a white chocolate cake for the big day and happened to mention that the bridesmaids were wearing chocolate-coloured dresses.

Somehow the cake lady got it wrong and, to her dismay, a brown chocolate cake arrived. "I broke it gently to the bride, it was a very tasteful cake but it was the wrong colour."

Rosemarie's key advice for the bride and groom is to be prepared to react with humour and flexibility if little things go awry. "You have to take these things in your stride -- something is bound to go wrong," she said.

Her tips for the bride include ensuring she wears a scarf as she slips on the dress. "Trying to get fake tan or foundation off a lovely white dress is not very easy and they should make sure they have no make-up on their hands either."

She recommends breaking in your shoes well in advance, as well as getting a friend to bring along a really comfortable pair in her handbag. "No one will notice them after the first dance and there is nothing worse than a blister."

At the church, flower girls and page boys might look really cute but, in reality, they are often exhausted from the excitement before the bride even arrives. "Try and choose a child you believe will be confident enough to go through with it or maybe get them to hold hands with one of the bridesmaids. If they do have a tantrum, don't let it spoil your walk up the aisle."

Rosemarie advises choosing your priest carefully and have some idea what he is likely to say. "I have heard priests talking about some local person who just died or offering advice to the couple on rows and other inappropriate subjects at a wedding," she recalled.

Couples should also rehearse their vows. "There is nothing worse than having the bride and groom with their noses in a pamphlet. It is nice if they can say those words to each other, rather than mumbling into a booklet," she said.

At the wedding breakfast, she recommends keeping a close guard on the microphone. "You don't want uncle Harry mouthing off about everything and anything for 20 minutes," she said.

On the invitations, Rosemarie has seen some couples ask guests not to buy their outfits in a certain store, presumably because a key member of the wedding party bought their outfit there. She wouldn't recommend this, nor is she comfortable with the recent practice of couples asking for "money only".

"But you can rehearse it as much as possible and still there will be mistakes but they add to it at the end of the day," she said.

4 Easy Methods to reduce wedding stress

2008-08-28T13:20:00.001-07:00

As a bride-to-be, you're bombarded with a growing pile of tasks demanding your attention, and the resulting stress can overpower what's supposed to be a joyous time in your life. Instead, emerge from the pile of fabric swatches, font styles and contracts and...just...breathe. During your engagement, step away from wedding planning, and take time to enjoy yourself as a fabulous single woman.

Sure, kicking your heals up and relaxing as your task list expands exponentially may sound impossible. In reality, allowing yourself some time to rejuvenate will not only reduce wedding stress, it will ultimately make your wedding planning more efficient. Have you ever tried going for a morning run without a good night's sleep the night before? The same applies to wedding planning.

Here are four easy methods to reduce wedding stress:

Reclaim your life and your self

What activities comprised your free time before wedding planning seized your soul? Reading? Jogging? Shopping? Crafts? Don't let those activities slip; take that time to yourself and enjoy the relaxation that comes with doing something that you enjoy. Even if just for a few hours a week - it will make a world of difference

Reconnect with friends and loved ones

Has it been weeks or months since you spoke with your best friend or sister (NOT about the wedding)? Losing contact is easy when you're busy or believe loved ones are out of touch with your life. Take some time to reconnect with your closest friends; ask them about their lives. Keep them up-to-date on your wedding planning - but also discuss other aspects of your life. You are a multi-faceted person, after all.

Cater to someone else for a change

Yes, this is one of the few times in your life when the attention is solely focused on you and your life decisions, and you should enjoy your time in the spotlight. That said, don't get caught up in the selfishness of being a bride. Do something unexpected for someone else. Take a break from wedding planning and cook a friend dinner, serve a meal at your local soup kitchen, babysit for a couple who could use a break...You will be surprised how good (and relaxed) you will feel by making others feel appreciated.

Spend quality time with your fiance

It's sadly ironic that in the planning of a new life together, couples often struggle to find quality time with one another in the present. The best way to begin a marriage on the right foot is to avoid neglecting your relationship now. Building a life as one should always be your top priority, (remember - it IS the reason behind the big party!) so enjoy romantic evenings together and try not to talk about the wedding. Focus on your relationship and your future beyond the wedding day.

Above all else, don't lose sight of what's important and don't lose sight of yourself. Keeping this in mind will reduce wedding stress - we promise! Savor every moment of your engagement, and arrive at your wedding positively radiant.

Source

Tips for bride to reduce wedding stress

2008-08-28T13:15:00.001-07:00

A wedding night consists of dozens of events that all must come together at the right times. That includes, sometimes, hundreds of people doing their jobs just right. The wedding cake alone might require the baker, a delivery person, the caterer (to cut the cake), and a groom who promised not to smash it into your make-up. And if any single one of the people involved in your wedding screw up, the biggest night of your life is ruined. Right?

It's no wonder you're experiencing wedding stress. Most girls start dreaming of their wedding night when they are just twelve years old. Now that it's about to happen, your bound to experience some serious stress. I'm hoping these wedding stress tips will calm your nerves, give you a game plan to help reduce wedding stress, and allow you to actually enjoy the night you've been dreaming of.

How You Feel

Cold Feet? A little under the weather? Perhaps stomach cramps? It's okay... there's nothing unnatural about feeling nervous on your wedding night. Realizing this is one step towards reducing wedding stress. Understand that you'll never have a stress free wedding. What we're working for is stress management, not stress elimination.

How You Look

Worried about whether your hair will come out right, how the dress will fit, or if one of your bridesmaids will outshine you? Hey, relax. Someone's about to commit to spending the rest of his life with you... he must have the hots for you already, and you have very little to worry about. Reducing wedding stress starts with realizing that it's okay to be you. You're not there to please your family, his family, or even him. You're there because you love someone and are ready to commit yourself to him. If that doesn't reduce your wedding stress any (yeah, I didn't think it would either) try this wedding stress tip:

Make a pact with your bridesmaids. If your hair doesn't turn out right, they have to mess up their own. If your dress gets a stain, they all stain theirs. If they're real friends, they'll be happy to help this way. If for no other reason, they'll make the promise just to get you to stop stressing out.

Details, Details, Details

Most people will admit that the best things in life are never planned. As a matter of fact, it seems like the more we plan things, the less often they work out the way we wanted. Obviously, you have to plan a wedding. But sweating over the small things will not help in reducing wedding stress. The best wedding stress tip I can give you is to allow friends and family to take care of the little things, and you focus more on synchronizing it. Unless your maid of honor is taking care of that. Then just sit back and enjoy the day.

Your Health

The most powerful weapon you have in reducing wedding stress is your health. Eat well... especially the week of your wedding. Don't fool yourself into thinking that some last minute starvation is going to make that wedding dress any prettier. It's just going to make you miserable. Eat a good breakfast, a decent lunch, and find something healthy to eat a few hours before the wedding (even though you paid for an expensive catering job, the bride and groom often don't get a chance to sit down for their portions).

You should also start the morning off with some exercises. Stretch, walk, jog, or 'Dance to the Oldies'... whatever gets your heart pumping. It's one of the best things you can do to reduce wedding stress later during the day.

Your Love

Finally, ask your fiancé for encouragement and reassurance. Men aren't always the quickest animals on this planet. You might have to actually come out and tell your man that you are suffering and that you need some help, support, or compliments to get you through. It's your love for each other that brought you to this day. Your love for each other can help reduce wedding stress as well.

Reducing wedding stress isn't going to be easy. Ask some experienced friends and family for wedding stress tips. They'll be thrilled that you're coming to them for advice, and they'll gladly give you their time. If you feel funny about expressing your fears to someone you know, try a session with a professional stress coach in the lead-up to your wedding. A stress coach can and motivate you and plan a stress-managed day. That way you can spend more time having fun and looking forward to your honeymoon.

How stressed are you? Are you at risk for complications due to stress? You can find out. Take the Free Stress Test. PLUS, get exclusive access to a FREE 7-day stress course so you can begin living your life how YOU want, happily ever after. Take the FREE Stress Test now!

Helpful Tips for stress free wedding

2008-08-27T13:40:00.001-07:00

Getting married can be one of the most memorable and beautiful times in your life. It can also be one of the most stressful. With decisions to make, expenses to consider and working on a tight deadlines, it's easy to see how even the most organized person could get frazzled.Stress can wreak havoc on a person's appearance, and when you're planning the wedding of a lifetime, the last thing you want to be concerned about is your appearance.

Headaches from stress can cause wrinkling around the eyes and brow line, as well as affecting your appetite. All of these factors can lead to changes in your general appearance from weight gain to dulling of the hair and nails.In order to look and feel your best on your wedding day, here are some tips to keep the stress monster at bay and keep you looking as beautiful as ever:

Schedule time for non-wedding-related activities.

From dress fittings to consultations with your makeup artist, a bride's calendar is packed with appointments all related to her big day. Don't forget to schedule some downtime for yourself. Even consider a trip to the local spa to pamper yourself before the big day.

Delegate, delegate, delegate.

Understandably, you want to have control over your wedding planning along with your fiancé but taking on too many responsibilities can quickly stress you out. Enlist your bridal party to help out with as much as they can while reserving the big decisions for yourself. If anyone offers help, be it a relative or friend, take them up on it.

Make the most of your hair type and style.

Set up an appointment with your hair stylist to discuss hair styling options that will work with your face and the style of your dress. Don't forget to schedule a trial run to make sure you are happy with the look.

Treat your body right.

Exercise can do wonders for mood and appearance. Shoot for at least half an hour of moderate exercise a day to keep your blood pumping! The increased blood circulation from exercise will keep your skin glowing and leave you feeling revived. Avoid drastic diets and choose well-balanced, portion-controlled meals instead. Remember, you need to keep your energy up before your wedding day.

Follow your budget.

A lot of stress can be found in money-related matters. Be sure to talk about what you plan to budget for the wedding with your fiancé so you know what you can afford and be sure to comparison shop for vendors so you know you are getting the best price.

By keeping stress levels at a maintainable level you'll be sure to have the perfect wedding day - and look your very best.

Stress Reducing Tips For A Great Wedding

2008-08-25T12:46:00.001-07:00

The date's been set, reservations made, and mom begins to panic! Keep in mind, it's a one day event, and there's nothing worse than a stressed-out mom. You've heard the old expression, "if mom ain't happy--ain't nobody happy." You can pay a professional and let them do the choosing and purchasing, and drive the family to bankruptcy, or start early, do it yourself, and enjoy a real sense of accomplishment and pride when it's all over. And have money left to give the happy couple the money you've saved to help them make a start. The following are tips for a less-stress wedding both mom and daughter can be proud of (trust me, I've been through it twice and this method works!).

Decide on the date, place , colors to be used. Also, amounts needed for wedding attendants, parents, servers, window decorations, and reception tables. Once you've made the initial decision, stick to your guns! Otherwise you'll be buying and returning over and over again!
Start early! If plans allow several months until the wedding, take in end of season clearance sales. Proms are basically over now and nice formal dresses are probably in abundance at markdown prices. If you're a real do-it-yourselfer, make bridesmaids dresses. Walmart has inexpensive and really simple patterns. I made four for my son's wedding and, by finding a good sale on fabric, they cost less than $20 each. (Remember mom, this isn't really an expense you are obligated to). By keeping the cost down, your daughter can have as many bridesmaids as she wants. You are only obligated to provide flowers!
Prepare an "items needed" list and potential stores to find them. For example: bouquet holders: Walmart, Garden Ridge, Carolina Pottery, Dollar Tree, Dollar General and Family Dollar stores. Just about any item you need for your wedding can be found at these stores. I purchased a $40 damaged cake topper at Garden Ridge for $4--removed the broken bride and groom and custom made a small flower arrangement in the wedding colors and no one but myself and the bride knew it had come from a damaged merchandise rack.There are lots of bargains to be found if you look--with the mindset of saving money!!
Make your own invitations, programs, and scrolls: most department stores sell print-your-own invitations and, even though you may need to purchase an extra ink cartridge, you still come out money ahead by not ordering pre-printed items.
Check out yard sales and thrift stores: many times you can find exactly the baskets, glassware and votive cups you need. Melt down any wax in a barely warm oven, wash and it's good as new for use.
Customize your own design using a cheap guest book, ring bearer's pillow and basket for the flower girl. These and the ribbon you will need can be found at Dollar Tree stores.
Napkins: inexpensive $1 a pack napkins will work fine. If you want them printed, most book stores will engrave them for a fraction of the cost of ordered napkins. I paid $6 for 100 to be engraved.
Candles: cheap candles will work fine. The secret is to place them in the freezer overnight before using to help them burn longer.
Cake: borrow pans if possible and bake early in the week before the wedding. For less problems, use a plain white simply decorated design and put small clusters of silk flowers between the layers. Cupcakes go a long way! That was a time-saver I chose and it's a lot less mess! Place them on a pretty 2-3 tiered glass plate. (Borrow if you can).
Flowers: shop around for the best prices on the most realistic looking flowers for bouquets, boutonnieres, corsages and table decorations. Silk is always better because so much can be done in advance and stored in plastic to prevent crushing or wrinkling the ribbon.
A week before: check out grocery sales ads for the items you need for the reception and recruit plenty of help. You'll be surprised how many friends and family are flattered to be asked to help get food ready for the reception. Trust me, no matter how independent you think you are, no one can pull off a reception by themselves, it's impossible!
Follow this advice: get an early start and remember, save money! You'll have champagne taste on a beer pocketbook!

Good luck!

6 tips to help you win a wedding stress on a big day.

2008-08-25T12:43:00.001-07:00

Whether you're the bride, the bridesmaid, or just going to be a guest in the back row, here are six tips to help you look your best on the big day...

Don't crash diet

The biggest mistake most people make in the run up to a wedding is slashing their calorie intake to look slim on the day. This can have the opposite effect.

"If you severely cut calories, your metabolism will think your body is starving it," says nutritionist and author Carina Norris. "So it will hold on to every calorie, making it even harder for you to lose weight."

Instead, Carina suggests sticking to three healthy meals and two snacks a day.

"That way your metabolism will stay fired up and the pounds will safely melt away," she says.

"The other drawback to severe dieting is it's hard to stick to," she adds.

"This can lead to overeating and feelings of stress and guilt." As if you haven't got enough to be stressed about already!

Add some fibre

Dr Arthur Agatston, author of the best-selling and recently relaunched diet book The South Beach Diet, recommends adding fibre to your diet to boost your weight loss efforts. "Most of us eat half the fibre we really need," he says.

A fibre-rich diet helps you lose weight in two ways - firstly it increases the rate at which food passes through your body, and secondly fibre-rich foods are very filling so including them at mealtimes reduces snacking and helps to control cravings.

In the approach to wedding day, tuck into plenty of fibrerich beans (try cans of chick peas, kidney beans and butter beans, adding them to salads), vegetables, fruits and wholemeal bread and pasta. Or try a fibre-rich cereal such as bran flakes.

Fill up on eggs

A recent study suggests eating eggs can help speed up weight loss. Volunteers who had two eggs for breakfast ate 400 fewer calories during the day compared with those who didn't. And the reason?

"Eggs have an incredibly high protein content," says Carina. "And protein-rich foods act as a natural appetite suppressant." Other good sources of protein include chicken, tofu, milk, yoghurt and fish.

Ditch the booze

Once your hen night is over, give booze the big heave-ho. Experts agree it's the easiest way to lose weight without changing your diet.

"A glass of wine contains around 180 calories," says Carina. "So it's no good giving the cheesecake a miss if you're still drinking wine at meal times and after work."

If you have to drink, go for a glass of gin or vodka with slimline tonic. This contains around 50 calories.

But try to ditch it altogether in the two weeks leading up to the wedding.

Eat yourself gorgeous

Tuck into as many skinloving foods as possible before the big day, to create a glowing, smooth complexion.

Avocados are rich in monounsaturated fat, which plumps out skin.

Aim to eat them twice a week, in sandwiches or salads, and have salmon three times a week, too to make sure you really sparkle.

Pomegranates and carrots are packed with vitamin C, which helps skin - so have a glass of juice.

Brazil nuts and almonds are also good for skin, hair and nails.

Get moving

Forget pricey personal trainers and gyms and opt for your own two-week workout countdown instead.

"Aim to do some form of cardio every day for at least 30 minutes," says celebrity personal trainer Cornel Chin.

"That means any exercise that speeds up your heart rate and makes you sweat - think jogging, power walking, cycling or tennis."

Also try weights in a body pump class - most gyms have them - or use light weights at home. Don't worry about bulking up: "Women don't have enough testosterone to bulk up from moderate weightlifting," says Cornel. Building up lean muscle speeds your metabolism and you'll burn fat faster.

Don't worry about your legs - they'll probably be covered anyway - and work on your arms instead.

Do 10 "female" press-ups - knees on the floor, back straight - and 20 bicep curls every night.

To do a bicep curl, grip a light weight - around 3kg - in each hand, stand up with your back straight and raise the weight up towards your shoulders, and then down again to the sides of your thighs.

Manage your wedding stress and cherish love

2008-08-25T12:38:00.001-07:00

On the stress of planning a wedding: I always tell brides and grooms that the wedding, however and wherever it takes place, is a way for the bride and groom to bond "against" everyone. Yes, everyone has an opinion (you "have" to wear white, you "have" to have bridesmaids, you "have" to do blahblahblah), but that's what it is. So what.

The bride and the groom have a wedding as their first big thing they do together. Against all the wishes and ideas of everyone.

It will help to define much of what comes next, including how much spouse allows mom to interfere; how much spouse allows other people's opinions to overtake his/her own; how much spouse allows other spouse to walk all over him/her, and other telling issues.

On pressure to get married: I so seriously do not understand the whole deadline-to-be-married thing.

I didn't even date my husband until two weeks before my 31st birthday, and I didn't marry him until I was 36. I married him because once we'd been together a few months, I couldn't imagine how else my life would go.

And you know what? Thirteen years later I still adore him, enjoy his company more than anyone else I know, trust him to my very core, seek his opinion, feel cherished by him, laugh with him, and have smokin' hot sex with him.

Marrying to get married is about the stupidest idea anyone ever had.

All you have to do is look at everyone you know in miserable marriages or dealing with child custody issues to know that's true.

The only good reason to get married is because you've met someone you really, truly want to marry, who feels the same way about you.

On waiting for someone to commit: What is with the need for a verbal or legal vow of commitment between couples? Look, your partner is either committed to you or not. Does he do right by you every day? Does she work hard to make the relationship work? Does he treat you like you are special? Then you have your answer right there.

Commitment is a living thing that grows from the couple tending it, and it dies without constant attention. It doesn't "come into being" suddenly one day, but rather starts with the seeds of the relationship and grows within it. You use your experiences, not your ears, to figure out when a person has become committed to you.

On knowing what matters (or at least being open to it): I had an older father and a mother in her 30s, and I was bemoaning that my father had died when I was 14.

Relaxation tool can help manage wedding stress

2008-08-21T07:59:00.001-07:00

The work of endocrinologist Hans Selye, an early pioneer of stress study who coined the word "stress" as we now define it, particularly impressed Shaw.

Selye said the pressures of life, including traumatic events such as the loss of a loved one; small annoyances that build into a force of their own; and even "happy" events such as a wedding or a birth, all bring about stress. In the mid-20th century, Selye's work acknowledged that we regularly adapt to stress, but that over time stress creates disease.

"If we have an excessive level of stress and long-term exposure to it, it may impact on a life crisis, such as diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease," Shaw said.

One of the diseases most associated with stress is hypertension, or high blood pressure. The CDC estimates that 1 out of 3 American adults have high blood pressure, a condition that increases the chances of developing heart disease, stroke, congestive heart failure and kidney disease.

Of course, many people have a genetic predisposition to hypertension, Shaw said. But a stressed-out lifestyle can only compound the effects.

"The way to look at it is, it's not the stress that is killing us, it's how we perceive it, and that depends a lot on personality," she said. "There are some people - I call them 'hot reactors' -- who burn a dollar's worth of energy for a dime's worth of trouble. These people are very vulnerable to high blood pressure, and eventually, they're in trouble. But if these people can learn to accept the things that cannot be changed, be aware of that and control it, they can improve their health."

New findings

That's a tall order for a modern society that often looks on alternative or mind/body medicine as a "bunch of hokum." But increasing research may be turning things around.

A recent meta-analysis on meditation by the University of Kentucky College of Medicine focused on Transcendental Meditation (TM), a technique introduced in 1958 by Maharinis Mahesh Yogi that is practiced for 20 minutes twice a day while sitting with one's eyes closed (just one of many forms of meditation).

The study, which appeared in the March issue of the American Journal of Hypertension, evaluated nine randomized, controlled trials using TM as a primary intervention for patients with high blood pressure. The study showed that the practice of TM was associated with reducing blood pressures.

In the journal, the study's lead author, Dr. James W. Anderson, said that these reductions in blood pressure could significantly reduce the risk for arteriosclerotic cardiovascular disease without drug side effects.

"Adding Transcendental Medication is about equivalent to adding a second anti-hypertension agent to one's current regimen only safer and less troublesome," Anderson said.

Spiritual clash?

"In the South, most of us are very religious, and we feel like we shouldn't be doing anything like meditation," said Shaw, who has heard concerns from people from all walks of faith about the possible spiritual conflict of practicing meditation and practicing one's religion.

But meditation has nothing to do with religion, she said. In fact, she believes maintaining a balanced mind, body and spirit could actually strengthen one's faith.

"Meditation is about developing inner balance and harmony. I tell people, you can be any religion," she said. "What I'm learning is that we do need God, and when we go to the church, synagogue or temple, we should be able to clean the slate, to come back and start fresh.

"Most of us don't get that, unfortunately. We say, 'Let go and let God,' but we really don't. Often it's just lip service."

She said if a person's faith is a priority, they can work aspects of that faith into their meditation practice.

"As you meditate, you can focus on a word or prayer or something that is firmly rooted in your belief system," she said. You could pray the Rosary or dwell on a passage of Scripture, for example.

It all comes down to reaping the health benefits, she said.

"We are digging our own graves with our situation," Shaw said of most people's stress-filled lives. "I'm not going to tell people, meditate this way or that way. I'm a health educator, and I will discuss several ways people can meditate. It's much simpler than they think."

9 Tips to combat wedding stress

2008-08-21T07:49:00.001-07:00

Many times, brides and grooms experience different kinds of stress. Brides are usually more emotional about the wedding plans and grooms can be more concerned about, or "stressed out" about money. Whether you are a bride or a groom, it is a time where all kinds of stress can manifest itself. Here are a few tips:
1.Expect that there will be stress in planning your wedding. Why? There are a lot of decisions to be made, many details to be worked out, and others may want, or try to influence you. That is not bad or wrong, it just requires that you and your fiancé be aware of what is really happening. Try to respond to issues and avoid reacting to things.

2.One of the greatest challenges facing brides and grooms is their feelings of wanting to satisfy everyone. There are so many people involved - family, friends and relatives. Setting realistic expectations is very important. Don't expect perfection. Expect a "terrific" day. Setting expectations that are too high will create stress and lead to frustration, and then more stress.

3.Feeling stressed about certain elements of the wedding such as, saying your wedding vows or your first dance? Then, visualize the event. Spend some quiet time alone, relax and really visualize in your mind the events going smoothly. Do this exercise several times a day if you need to!

4.One of the best ways to combat stress is to exercise. When things start getting out of control - STOP. Take a break and go to the gym or go for a brisk walk.

5. There are always some people (relatives or friends) that know how to "push your buttons". When you are feeling very stressed… be sure to stay away from or at least limit your time with these people.

6. Wedding planning can cause a great deal of stress between the bride and the groom. Individually, they should be aware of their thresholds for stress, and how much stress they can handle in a given time period. If you notice that one of you is nearing your "threshold", then take a short break from your wedding planning and do something fun together.

7. Parents can also experience wedding stress as their children get married and leave "the nest". This is commonly referred to as "separation anxiety". It can be a time of great anxiety for the parents which can then create stress and highly emotional issues for the bride and groom. Being aware of what is happening, REALLY happening, is a big part of dealing and managing stress.

8. Time pressure can cause a great deal of stress. Don’t try and do everything yourself. Delegate as much as you can to others. Use the Internet.

9. Are you and your fiancé arguing more than normal? Realize that this is normal because you are spending more time on wedding planning versus spending time on your relationship. That's why it is so important to take time away from wedding planning and spend time with each other. A romantic dinner, a bike ride -- whatever you both like to do together (just don't discuss the wedding plans!)

From HERE

How to Keep Your Inner Bridezilla at Bay

2008-08-21T07:31:00.001-07:00

With all there is to do and worry about as your wedding day approaches, it's no wonder that the curse of the Bridezilla is a common phenomenon. In order to keep your fangs and talons under wraps, it's necessary to control the sources of your wedding planning stress as well as you can. Here are a few tips to help you soothe the beast.

Get organized.

You don't have to be totally type-A to be an effective task-manager, so don't fret if you're not the kind to alphabetize your To-Do List and carry a laminated copy in your wallet. In fact, a little bit of "go with the flow" mentality can help you keep things in perspective, rather than flying off the handle if, say, you have to wait an extra two days to receive your invitations from the printers. (Don't worry - your future mother-in-law will still make it to the event. Sorry.) So relax, but remember that it is helpful to stay on top of things when it comes to wedding planning. Use a calendar to keep track of events and important deadlines, and be sure to write things down. Also, don't be afraid to delegate responsibilities and accept offers of assistance; you simply can't do everything yourself …except the cake tasting's. Hey, it's tough work, but sometimes a bride's just got to pick up her fork and dig in.

Whose Wedding is it, anyway?

While you may feel dreadfully short on time, cash and patience, there is one thing that's sure to be abundant as you approach your nuptials: other people's opinions. From the wording on the invitations to the debate about allowing kids at your reception, it seems like everyone and her mother (and probably yours, too) feels compelled to bombard you with unsolicited advice. It's enough to make even the most put together woman go Bridal. Take a step back and remember that there are only two of you getting married, even though it might feel like an uncomfortably crowded affair at the moment. This means that you have the final say on all of the plans, and you shouldn't try to please everyone because it's a futile effort. As long as you and your groom feel like the event is unfolding to be just what you wished for, you are on the right track.

Eat, sleep and be married.

Don't underestimate the effects of sleep and physical health on your mental state. It may be tempting to pull an all-nighter in order to get that seating chart finished (Who can you put next to Aunt Edna the Cat Lady? The urge to solve monumental dilemmas like this one can plague you into the wee hours!), but you will be better off if you get a full night's sleep and tackle the planning tasks when you're fully rested. Repeatedly coming up short on sleep will drag you down, make you less efficient and consequently more likely to become stressed out…and sick. Also, be sure to eat well - which means that you should aim for somewhere in between super-sizing your value meal 3 times daily, and consuming only celery and breath mints. Finally, don't forget to eat on your big day…nobody wants to see the bride faint at the altar, although this does make for a memorable wedding.

Recognize that this is an emotional time.

Hey, you're about to get married. Whether you're 20 or 40, this is a huge, life-altering event that can bring a wide range of emotions to the surface. If you find that certain friends and family members are difficult to deal with or cause you stress, try talking to those people about how you feel before Bridezilla takes charge with an untimely swipe of her well-manicured claw. If you tend to be fairly non-confrontational (I hear you sister - I'd sooner sport a mullet to my high school reunion than begin an uncomfortable conversation with a friend or relative), you may prefer to get your feelings down in writing. This can be both effective and cathartic. If you find that your emotions and stress level are affecting your relationship with your fiancé, be sure to get the issue out in the open before it causes resentment or a nerve-wracking case of cold feet.

Take a break!

Whether it's a regular exercise routine that clears your mind, or an occasional dinner with girlfriends, make sure you schedule time away from wedding planning. There are lots of options: Hit the spa, take a hike, or my personal favorite: Enjoy a frosty poolside margarita or six (you don't even need the pool here-I've been known to use my bathtub. If you're the adventurous type, try doing something exciting to take your mind off of your stress for a while - hit the roller coasters at an amusement park or go bungee jumping. A bridely word of advice, here: don't enjoy a half-dozen poolside margaritas and then decide to go bungee jumping; it's best to enjoy these activities separately.

5 Ways to avoid Wedding Stress

2008-08-20T01:38:00.001-07:00

While it's common to become overwhelmed during the wedding planning process, there's no reason to let wedding stress affect your health. Take a breather and review the top five ways to manage and reduce wedding stress.

1. Delegate More Tasks
Learning to manage stress involves knowing what you're capable of handling. Think critically about all the tasks you have on your plate, including your daily responsibilities (work, chores, etc.) and all those wedding planning to-dos (DIY favors, florist appointments, and gown alterations). From there, decide what you can and cannot handle. Then call on your family and friends to help take over some of your wedding-related tasks.

Quick Fix: Hire a wedding planner. You'll be surprised how much stress you'll avoid and how much more you'll enjoy the planning process when someone else is there to work through and execute all the nitpick details.

2. Make Time for Touch Therapy
Touch therapy, or actively being touched, can help lower stress. We're not suggesting that you start holding hands with your wedding planner, but it's true that touching (in the form of a hug, a foot rub, or a massage) can activate the body's relaxation response and reduce the levels of stress-causing hormones.

Quick Fix: Grab your fiance and give him or her a squeeze. To calm down after a stressful week, make an appointment for a Friday massage, ask for an added foot massage with your pedicure, or request a scalp massage during your haircut -- all great ways to keep stress at bay.

3. Practice Yoga
Working to create unity of the mind and body, yoga improves energy through practiced, proper breathing and movements. Breathing mixed with yoga poses can help direct more oxygen to the body's vital organs, relieving tension, sharpening concentration, and decreasing stress.

Quick Fix: Grab a beginner's yoga DVD, sign up for a class, or just incorporate a few beginner's moves into your daily routine.

4. Eat Right
The right foods can aid in lowering stress. Recommended stress-busting foods include whole grains and any red, green, or orange vegetables. Keep the jitters away by limiting coffee and other caffeine beverages. Stay away from fried foods too.

Quick Fix: Relax with a mug full of chamomile tea — a time-tested herbal stress reliever.

5. Explore Acupuncture
Acupuncture is known for its stress-relieving effects -- it can lower blood pressure, increase energy, and therefore decrease stress. An acupuncturist determines the areas of the body with the most tension and applies acupuncture to those spots. There are, in fact, different acupuncture points for different stresses.

Quick Fix: Try the non-needle approach: acupressure. Using your forefinger and index finger, press on the stress-relieving pressure point located underneath the base of the skull about one to two inches from the spine on both sides.

Source: Jena la Flamme, AADP, founder and director of Jena Wellness in NYC, JenaWellness.com

Wedding Without Wanting To Kill!

2008-08-20T01:04:00.001-07:00

Weddings equal stress, it's a fact. I did everything I could to keep my wedding stress free, and with a lot of help, it worked very well! Here are some things that I wish people had told me about the wedding process, and how you can stay sane and "urge to kill" free.

Things You’ll Need:

A friend to help
A planner, or calender to carry around with you

Step1

Well, the hard part is done. You're in love, you're ready to commit. Next comes the planning. First, don't listen to what people tell you you "simply must have". People will come out of the woodwork telling you that you must have placecards, silver trays, fresh flowers, traditional this and ceremonial that. Unless you are doing a very orthodox religious ceremony, the truth is you don't HAVE to have anything. People have strong opinions though, so just be ready to listen to the barrage and then immediately put it out of your mind.

Step2

Find a friend or two to lean on. Preferably some who love weddings or who are great planners. I am lucky to have a great best friend who was willing to shoulder a lot of the burden for me. And she enjoyed doing it. Don't look for help from people who will resent you later or treat you like you owe them something. A weddding is a huge event, and the truth is you can never repay anyone for helping you with your wedding. So find one or two people to be by your side or just a phone call away for the truly important decisions, like the dress and the cake.

Step3

Don't compromise on what is important to you. Maybe you don't care about food at all, but you really want a night wedding. Don't listen when people tell you that you have to have a wedding with a dinner reception. Have your wedding at 10:00 p.m. if that matters to you. Stick to your guns on the important matters.

Step4

Delegate. Just as you will want to stick to your guns on the things that are important to you, you will want to delegate lesser matters. If you could care less what kind of napkins or favors you have, pass it off to someone who would care. For instance, we left the rehearsal dinner and groom's cake to my mother in law, I didn't care about it either way, but she got to participate in a way that was meaningful to her. Include people where you can and only when you want to.

Step5

Have fun when it comes to your day. If things didn't come together the way you had hoped and dreamed since you were a little girl, so what?! If you got what you wanted as a little girl you'd be in a Disney princess dress marrying some kid from Tiger Beat. Your day is special because of who you are marrying, not because it will go perfectly.

Step6

Don't try to please everyone. It won't happen at your wedding. Someone's Aunt Gertrude will be in the corner making a face about the flavor of the cake. Someone won't be able to make it due to a time conflict. It will happen, and you can't be sensitive when one bad apple tries to be a curmudgeon on or around your special day. So grow some thick skin and let it roll right off your back.

Who Controls Your Wedding Day? You or the Wedding Vendor?

2008-08-20T00:57:00.001-07:00

We’ve heard the nightmare stories. My introduction to problems with vendors was my sister-in-law’s wedding. I had just met my future husband at the time so I didn’t travel across the country to the wedding. But years later it still brings up a lot of emotion for my mother-in-law. She planned a beautiful wedding, great food, great reception space, and the photographer destroyed it all. He took so long that the bride almost fainted twice with heat exhaustion and when they all got to the reception, guests were actually starting to leave. The couple never got to see the food, let alone eat any. The care, time, attention and planning my mother-in-law put into her only daughter’s day was, in her mind, hijacked by this awful photographer. She didn’t even like the photos that he took – adding salt to the wound.

Most readers of this article have probably met with at least one wedding vendor. Hopefully the meeting went well and perhaps you even signed contracts. This is the best case scenario in a long process that feels like dating all over again: do my fiance(e) and I have similar views for the wedding, do we feel this is the “right” vendor for this important part of the wedding. For those of us who don’t like conflict or pressure, we cringe at every vendor meeting or perhaps we want to run and hide when our more assertive partner speaks up and asks either “stupid questions” or starts to rant about the prices. We all assume we’re hiring the vendor but in some ways they’re hiring us to show off their goods or services. We have weaker hand of cards because this is our first/only wedding compared to their tens or hundreds. They know the drill and the trends, and know how we stack up to their prior customers. Thus the struggle for control begins. The trick, I have learned, is figuring out when to take control yourself and when to yield to greater experience.

My husband and I had been forewarned by married friends how challenging meeting with vendors can be because it brings out your personalities in spades – both individually and as a couple. They were so right! Neither of us tend to want to create stress or conflict so we often let bad waiters ruin our meal and never say anything (except spend the entire meal and entire ride home complaining). This is not a good couple character trait when you’re planning a hugely expensive day and meeting with countless people who are trying to pitch their goods and services to you. In the case of my sister-in-law, they all felt helpless on the actual wedding day because if they complained about how slow the photographer was going, he might end up going even slower (he wasn’t very competent and was actually a last minute stand in for the man they had hired.) They wanted the photos he was taking, so walking out would only hurt them more.

My first experience with a controlling wedding vendor was getting my wedding dress. I went in, like many women do, saying I wanted simple, no frills, no lace, just a classy, simple wedding dress. When the sales lady started pulling these over-the-top wedding dresses off the shelves, I felt unheard and frustrated. But I felt completely out of my element and went along for the ride. She was also middle-age, had worked there for a long time, and I figured she must know a thing or two. I was taken by surprise by her obvious desire to find the right dress for me, but she had her own views of what looked best on me – even if the styles didn’t match my personality or wedding vision. I laughed when I left with a less-than-simple dress than I had gone in dreaming about, and she laughed saying, “happens all the time.” And she was right – I just looked awful in a simple dress and only certain people can really get away with that look.

Wedding vendors have been witness to countless weddings. They see the good, bad, and the ugly. It makes sense they have their opinions on the best ways to make things as smooth as possible for their part of the wedding. They also have to stay on top of the latest wedding trends both to meet the demands of engaged customers and also to ensure they are competitive in their industry. So how much does the vendor have a right to say how things should go? I wasn’t given any guidance on this when planning my own day.

The aha moment for me was meeting with the caterer and going over the flow of the entire event to make sure we had everything lined up. The catering owner was the one meeting with us. She was extremely high energy, enthusiastic, experienced and funny to boot. After getting the nitty gritty figured out, she casually starts with the entire flow: “So after the wedding and wedding photos you’ll head downstairs, get introduced with great fanfare, and the head for the cake cutting …” and we stopped her right there. “WHAT??” we asked. She explained how it’s easiest to cut the cake straight away, get the photos done, and let the servers get the cake ready for after dinner. My husband and I at this point were over our vendor-timidity and immediately said, “No!”

For us the cake represented the symbolic dessert of a wedding, NOT a photo shoot. It felt completely screwy to us to rearrange our entire wedding to make the photos turn out the best or to make the life of our servers a tiny bit easier. The catering owner looked at us a little goofy but let it go. I’m guessing she sensed in our voice raw confidence and conviction. That said, she refused to partake in the idea of a “sweetheart table” (the couple sitting by themselves) and she also immediately pushed against the idea of a sit down dinner. She had many good reasons as a caterer about why these ideas were not the best for our situation.

What was going on here? When do we know when to back down and when to stick up for ourselves?

It is said so often it’s rather trite: plan a day that represents your values. But what does that actually mean? Sometimes knowing our values is only possible when we get resistance to our ideas. Then our emotional reactivity prompts us to reassess our ideas, articulate ourselves more, and ultimately helps us clarify what we want. While I wanted the sweet heart table (to me it actually made sense because we wouldn’t be at the head table for long so why not let our wedding party sit with their dates and friends?), the caterer, with her 20+ years of experience and knowing the space we had to work with, thought it was just a bad idea. Her conviction was greater than mine, so I knew it wasn’t something I valued deeply. But knowing how strongly I felt about not letting the photos control our day, we confidently refused to cut the cake before dinner.

My brother and his new wife had a similar “stop!” moment on their actual wedding day. They hired a fabulous photographer who was doing his absolute finest work. At the point that all the “must-have” photos were taken and pictures kept being taken, my brother and his new wife had to finally say, “stop!” They wanted to get back to their guests and felt these extra photos were not necessary. It’s hard to tell whether the photographer felt obliged to keep taking photos or whether he was relieved. Either way, my brother and his wife got back to their wedding and the photographer was given permission to stop doing what he was being paid to do.

I love talking with wedding vendors in my local networking meetings with the Association of Bridal Consultants. What fascinates me is not only how much experience wedding vendors have but how they are at the mercy of engaged couples who make demands that end up not working out, and how some engaged couples try to put all the control onto the vendor. Many DJ’s are asked to control alcoholic relatives with music and microphone access. Some are fine with this, others say they are being paid to play music, not be a family counselor.

Just as our parents have their opinions on our wedding, so to do wedding vendors. The good part is that wedding vendors carry less emotional baggage than our parents, but the bad part is they can have more control over how well our event turns out. As my father and I like to say, wedding planning is like a dance. Many people are moving at the same time, often in different directions with different abilities and experience, but ultimately, if choregraphed well, the outcome is beautiful and the memories are everlasting. The trick is knowing when to lead and when to follow.

From here

If You need good anti-stress solutions - please visit our online shop.

Friends

2008-08-01T06:40:00.000-07:00

My friends