At The Moment

Stories From The Bus: It's Gone By Now

2009-05-16T16:35:00.000-07:00

I ventured out to the mall today. Yep, I said "the mall." A place I generally try to avoid at all cost, plus, I was just there a month ago! And that's precisely why I was heading there today--to return the one item I purchased on my last visit to the "unhappiest place on earth." I think shopping is a gift, you either have it or you don't. And I don't. I'm bad at shopping and I don't enjoy it so I dread having to go to the large structure, full of smaller structures, full of clothing items in every color/pattern/material/size/shape which you then have option of the accessories in every color/pattern/material/size/shape to accompany the clothes you may or may not have found to work well with your body. It's sooooo overwhelming!

Well, once in a blue moon, I get lucky and actually have a different shopping experience. One that involves walking into one store, browsing the many items neatly hung around me, choosing some to try on, finding some that don't work and then listening to the chorus of angels that has assembled in the dressing room singing a celebratory anthem because I've found not one but TWO dresses that I like and that fit well! It's a miracle in Macy's department store. A single tear... This is the shopping experience I gladly embraced today even though, it meant spending more money than I initially intended. As I left the mall, I was happy and was off to complete the other errands on my list.

I took two buses to my next location and everything was working so well, no long wait for buses or bad weather to contend with and my iPod hadn't died yet. I got off the Culver City #6 and began walking towards my next destination when I realized I was EMPTY HANDED. SHIT! I just left my Macy's bag on the bus! SHIT! I began trying to contact someone at Culver CityBus but it's Saturday and I just kept getting a recorded message. I just left an expensive bag on a public bus and all I could do was walk back to the bus stop and wait. It was an agonizing wait and I just kept reminding myself of all the kindnesses I've witnessed on the bus. Really, I see people offer their seats to others all the time, people let other passengers know when they've dropped something or even left something behind (like a shopping bag!) before they exit, compliments are given, smiles are passed out, directions are explained, and arms are offered to those needing help on or off. I kept hoping that today, I would be the recipient of someone's honesty and kindness.

I got on the next bus that came by and explained my situation to the driver who said he could call it in and then "they" would contact the drivers to see if anyone had found a Macy's bag. I told him it had been about 30 minutes and he asked what was in the bag. Two dresses. "It's gone by now," was his response. "Maybe a kind person turned it in, you never know," was mine. The driver was really helpful but I think he was trying to prepare me for the reality that I may never see that bag again. He told me there wasn't a way to find out if it had been found so it was best if I waited for the driver of the original bus to pass and that it could be an hour and 10 minutes. So, I waited. And hoped. And tried not to cry. (Seriously, it was a bit pathetic. It was just money after all.)

About 40 minutes into my second waiting period, a Culver CityBus employee drove up in an SUV and told me that the bag was found and that the driver knows where to look for me and would be at my stop in about 20 minutes. What?! Seriously?! You found it?! Nobody stole it?! Thank you, thank you, thank you! And it as true. The next beautiful green bus that pulled up was my original bus and there in the front window was my Macy's bag! I'm pretty sure the dressing room angels returned for an encore and I was elated! Not just to have my new dresses but to have confirmation that people are good and honest and kind. Several people helped me locate the bag, several others had the opportunity to steal it in the two hours that it was out of my possession but they didn't. Of course, if it had been stolen I wouldn't have lost hope in all people but it's pretty great to have these moments. There is lots of goodness in the world, this is just one small example.

A special thank you to the Culver CityBus employees that helped, the person that found/turned in the bag, and the people of LA who rode bus #7061 today and chose kindness.

I think it might be a while before I venture out to the mall again...

The Way To My Heart

2009-03-02T13:36:00.000-08:00

Happy March, everyone! It seems, I'm becoming one of those people who comments on how quickly time passes and while that may suggest something about my age, I am not old. (A phrase I will be repeating for the rest of my days.) But really, I've been in LA over a year already! What happened to that year? What did I accomplish in that year? How do you measure a year? In daylights? Sunsets? Midnights? Cups of coffee? (I know, I know, but I needed a segue!)

Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal stole my heart on Saturday, along with the rest of the touring cast of Rent! Everyone was fantastic and you don't always get that with a touring company. I laughed, I cried. Ah, it was everything I wanted it to be. There is nothing like the theatrical experience, nothing moves and inspires me like storytelling from the stage, particularly when fabulous singing is involved. Having listened to the soundtrack for years, I've become quite familiar with Rapp and Pascal in these roles and it was surprising how solid they were on Saturday. Even after all these years and countless performances of this material, they came out with high energy, gave it 100%, and were essentially flawless, it was remarkable. I suppose that's to be expected from professionals. The full cast was impressive as well, everyone was up to par and fulfilled their roles beautifully. A great day was had by all. Or at least by my sister and I.

The rest of the evening was spent cooking, another favorite activity of mine. We made this for dinner along with a green salad and this for dessert. Delicious! I highly recommend the risotto and while the tart was tasty and pretty, it's a little high maintenance considering how much (or little) it yields. I even made the caramel sauce and didn't burn it! This was exciting for me as my only other attempt at caramel was years ago and a complete disaster. I am no longer afraid of burning sugar, this is progress. Now, if only all fears could be conquered so easily!

Thanks, Melissa, for the best February birthday I've ever had!

"Times Are Shitty..."

2009-02-27T13:57:00.000-08:00

"But I'm pretty sure they can't get worse." (Lyrics from Sante Fe, Rent, by Jonathon Larson.)

Well, things got a little bit better when my dear sister called this afternoon to tell me she's taking me to see Rent tomorrow! It's an early birthday present and I'm so excited! She has never seen the stage production and I saw it years ago on a tour but not with any of the original cast members. Most people interested in musical theatre are aware that Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal returned for this current tour and I was so hoping to see them perform these roles live. It's rare that anyone who creates a role is able to come back in the same role 13 years later. And since I don't live in NY, it's rare for me to see original Broadway casts so I can't wait. I truly didn't think I was going to be able to go. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Melissa.

Of course, the irony is not lost on me. The fact that I'm going to see Rent when lately, I wonder how I'm going to pay mine is one of life's little attempts at humor. (And yes, I'm laughing or at least smiling.) No updates on the job front but I'm not giving up hope! I can't. That doesn't mean that I don't have bad days, trust me I do. I'm just trying not to focus on them because that's not very helpful. I make daily attempts to see the good in order to remind me that I'm surrounded by beauty and have many things to be grateful for in my life. As hard as it might be, there is always someone else suffering more. I'm blessed to have a loving family and friends who look out for me, even though, I don't let them sometimes. Not everyone has that luxury so I know I'm quite lucky.

Anyone want to open up a restaurant in Sante Fe?

Death By...

2009-01-27T14:45:00.000-08:00

Running
Last week, a friend asked me to go for a run with her one evening. I'm out of shape and a super slow runner to begin with but she didn't mind so we did it. Then, a couple days ago, one of my '08 Nike friends sent out an invitation to join her for the P.F. Chang's Rock 'N' Roll Arizona Marathon in January 2010. I guess I have only myself to blame for the fact that people think these are appropriate invitations for me. (What have I done?!) Anyway, in light of the facts that physical exercise is a stress reliever, helpful in weight loss and general health, and necessary if one is considering the challenging of running a race, I went out for a short run last night.

On both running occasions, I felt like I was going to die. Why? Because oxygen is necessary for life and this element was seemingly absent. I know I've said this before but I watch true runners in absolute awe, especially those runners who look as relaxed as I do when sleeping. How do they do it? It is unlikely that I will ever experience a 6 minute mile but I do have aspirations to someday hit the pavement for a few miles without the aid an oxygen mask. I would also like to actually enjoy it. That's right, I've completed two marathons and I still hate running. Granted I walked more than I ran either of those races but still, you would think after several hundred training miles and 52.4 'racing' miles, some of that I-love-running-joy would rub off on me. What will it take?! Geesh.

While I have yet to actually enjoy a run while in the midst of it, I do feel great when it's over. Sometimes, several hours after it's over but still, I feel better and I know it's good for my body and soul. I also find I have more energy which brings me to my next point.

Chocolate
With all the extra energy following last night's run, I walked to a restaurant for a chocolate milk shake. Yeah, shut up.

An Excellent Film
Chocolate shake in hand, I watched "The Green Mile" before going to bed. It was the first time I had seen it and I cried my bloody eyes out! The acting is fantastic, the story is moving and I was pretty sure my heart was being ripped from my body with each passing scene. But if you're one of the few people left on the earth that has yet to see this film, I highly recommend it.

Politics
Finally, I need to vent for a moment. It is no secret that I am one of those excited about our new president and I have renewed hope for our future. I understand that there are those who disagree with me and have passionate reasons for it. I felt the same way when Bush was re-elected and I know how difficult it is to be disappointed, concerned, and even scared in the midst of someone else's celebration. However, I do not understand why anyone would root for their president to fail. Again, I was not happy about Bush but I certainly didn't want him to fail. For him to fail was for our country to fail, why would I want that? So, why are so many people actively and publicly rooting for President Obama to fail? I understand if you want a bill or policy to fail but more than that seems immature and ignorant. He won, get over it. Okay, I'm done now.

Farmers Markets

2009-01-22T12:16:00.000-08:00

I'm not very good about going to Farmers Markets weekly but I do love them. It makes me happy to see beautiful, colorful, fresh and sometimes strange-looking produce and handmade products lining the street. Then there are the people with their own bags, carts and kids, stocking up for the week or maybe a special dinner that evening. Doesn't it seem like the perfect neighborhood activity?

I have the pleasure of living relatively close to the Santa Monica Farmers Market so I stopped by yesterday. It's fun to see so many people out on Wednesday morning supporting their local farmers and it's fun to see chefs gathering ingredients from their favorite vendors. Apparently, celebrities often venture to this market but I don't usually notice them.

Amongst the items I purchased was a single Meyer Lemon. I've never tasted one but I've noticed many people talking about them lately so when I spotted them at a citrus stand yesterday, I couldn't resist. They were so beautiful and much smoother than a regular lemon. I look forward to slicing into it later, if I can bring myself to damage this perfect specimen.

***
On an unrelated note, the 2009 letterpress calendars that I posted about last month are now on sale for $29! That's a steal for such beautiful handmade work. If you're looking for a gift for yourself or someone else, I highly recommend a visit to Lynn Russell's Etsy shop.

I Checked, It's Still A Brand New Day

2009-01-21T13:56:00.000-08:00

As I turned to exit Barnes & Noble today, the above photograph shows what I saw. I had to pull out my camera and the tears welled up again. As I took the picture, a gentleman seated next to me couldn't help but mention how remarkable yesterday was and how much he still feels the excitement today. I couldn't agree with him more, so much hope.

The Day Has Arrived

2009-01-20T19:10:00.000-08:00

From my point of view:
At approximately 12:04pm est, President Obama took the oath of office and became the 44th President of the United States of America. With cheers, hopeful hearts, tears of joy, and deep pride we welcomed the First Family to the White House and the first African American to the highest office in the land. With respect and unity, we listened to the strong message he delivered from the Capitol Building today. While there are those who focus on skepticism and the disappointment that their candidate did not win, many Americans look toward the future with optimism and hold much respect for the man that has agreed to take on the incredibly difficult task of leading our country at this particularly challenging time. The change of leadership alone offers relief to many of us and the fact that this change is lead by President Barack Obama is thrilling. As he has said often, the road ahead will be difficult and the changes we seek will not appear overnight but I, for one, support him wholeheartedly and am willing to give him and his administration the time needed to address the crises they've just inherited. I do not expect perfection yet I trust he has the wisdom, integrity, grace and strength required for the days and years ahead. What an extraordinary day.

Thank you, Mr. President and First Family, and welcome.

At The Moment The Economy Is Not My Friend

2009-01-15T12:18:00.000-08:00

Really, he's not. He won't talk to me and on the rare occasion that he does, he's short and detached. I'm not sure what I did to offend him but based on this dose of silent treatment, it was pretty bad and I wonder if he'll ever forgive me.

It's another day in "the office," which means I'm sitting in a local coffee shop using their free wifi (free after I buy coffee) and job searching. I've been temping for several months and initially, there was a decent amount of work. As the last few months have passed, the jobs have become harder and harder to come by. Job searching in our current economic climate is enough to drive a person mad and that is no exaggeration. Jobs are available but it's nothing in comparison to the number of people looking for employment. I've also noticed that companies seem to be offering lower and lower salaries (or hourly rates) and I can only assume they are trying to save money because they can or because they have to in order to survive. Regardless, it makes for a very difficult time to be without steady employment. To complicate my financial matters further, I contacted my temp agency today because I hadn't received a couple paychecks. It turns out I never gave them my new address and now I have to pay bank fees for them to stop payment on the checks they've mailed but haven't been received/returned. They will cut new checks for me and I can pick them up tomorrow when I go in to fill out the paperwork necessary to change my address and pay the appropriate fees. Of course, I have to pay money to get my money. I understand policies and such but considering the pathetic check totals, this is a little hard to swallow.

A couple walked into "my office" a bit ago and practically announced that they were both laid off today. They're sitting behind me and making call after call. Calls to family members, fellow newly jobless colleagues, potential employers and their new landlord. They think they need to move as a result of this development, I understand their predicament. And to top it all off, they just got a parking ticket due to an expired meter. I guess it's one of those days...or weeks...or months...or years...

"My office" is filled with two kinds of people--job seekers and screenplay writers, more of the former. The number of computers with windows open to Craigslist is just another sign that there are many other stories out there like the two above. I'm not unique, the couple that just left to get their computers and begin their search is not unique. That's strangely comforting, unfortunate, and absolutely scary. I know that things will turn around, I'm just not sure when. Until then, I'm doing my best to remain hopeful and focused.

To those of you with jobs, be thankful and may you have continued financial security. To those of you job searching, I feel your pain and wish you unexpected luck. May our friendship with the economy be mended soon.

***
Edit: Here's a Wall Street Journal article about my late afternoon office. Again, it looks like I'm not unique.

Shuffle Off To A New Life

2009-01-02T18:42:00.000-08:00

Who knew that such a little thing could provide so much hope for a new life? My sister and her boyfriend took pity on me and gave me an iPod Shuffle for Christmas, a truly pleasant surprise! With all of my bus riding and walking, I've often thought this little device would be so nice but I never bought one for myself. My favorite place to listen to music was always the car (partly because I could sing at the top of my lungs without disturbing anyone) but I haven't owned a car in three years so my listening practices have been almost non-existent. I didn't realize just how much I was missing it until I finally got my super cute, green, shuffle loaded up and in my ears for this morning's commute! It felt so freeing and so fun!

I'm really moved my music and even motivated--I actually went for a run when I got home from work today just because I was energized by the song I was listening to! I don't remember what song it was but who cares, I ran...for no reason...for the first time since the marathon (October.) This is an exciting development. Now, before you go thinking I went for a long distance, graceful run, let me tell you the truth--I seriously sucked wind for about a mile and I'm still coughing from the cool air trapped in my lungs. Too funny. But it's a mile more than I ran yesterday so I feel good about that and who knows, maybe it'll happen again sometime soon.

While I'm not one to make a list of resolutions, I do love and feel the hope for a better year that comes with the start of a new year. It offers a clean slate, a chance to start over, to make changes, to leave bad habits behind, to reinforce healthy habits and to hope that the things you desire find their way into your life this year. Of course, this year includes a new president and a historical event when he takes office which just adds to the excitement. Ah, the sweetness of a new year.

Understood

2008-12-24T13:14:00.000-08:00

"It's bad enough not to be doing what your passion is...It's twice as painful to be doing something that's within the work of what your passion is. The very work itself demeans what you love."

-Dustin Hoffman, actor
Full LA Times article here.

Dear Santa,

2008-12-23T09:58:00.000-08:00

I've never been very good at this. Ya know, asking for what I want. Even as a kid, I barely remember asking for a particular toy or the "must-have" item of the year. Granted, I may have the world's worst memory so it's possible that I just don't recall correctly. I do, however, have emotional memories. What I mean is, I remember "feeling" nervous or uncomfortable asking for what I wanted. What if it was too expensive? What if I didn't really like it once I had it? What if it wasn't cool enough? What if it didn't look good on me? What if I'm being selfish? Half the time, I didn't even know what I wanted, perhaps due to that questioning voice in my head.

I envied my sister, she knew exactly what she wanted and never hesitated to ask for it. She was confident in the asking and confident in the receiving. This amazed me and I didn't understand it. How did she know exactly what she wanted and then not think twice about voicing it?

Fastforward to our adulthood, things haven't changed much. Of course, the things we desire are different but my sister still knows what she wants and creates a plan to get it. Having never really learned how to know what I want and own it, I still flounder. I'm not a total lost cause, I can usually pinpoint what I don't want now and on occassion, I can sense what I want and admit it to myself even if I can't or don't express it to others.

Looking at the state of the world and the hunger, poverty, war, and sickness that pervades it, I find it difficult to ask for more. And yet, I recognize that by denying who I am, I miss my opportunity to give the world, perhaps, what I was created to offer it. Reconciling these things is my challenge and I think it's something I will wrestle with forever. But I hope to continue making progress, discovering what I want, taking steps toward those findings and participating in this thing called life.

I know, I never finished my letter to Santa but I'm working on it. May each of us find and display the best of who we are, the desires of our hearts and the dreams of our childhoods sooner rather than later. Peace to you this holiday season.

A Reminder About An Artist

2008-12-17T14:53:00.001-08:00

If you are still looking for gifts for the wonderful people in your life, let me remind you that Lynn Russell offers the most beautiful, handmade, letterpress calendars! I do not exaggerate. Well, I do but I'm not right now. I bought her 2008 calendar and intended to give it as a gift but once it arrived and I saw that it was even more beautiful in person, I couldn't do it. So, I kept it...all to myself. (Sorry, mom.) I still LOVE it and I plan to frame some of the designs when I have some extra money so I can continue to enjoy them. Seriously, this is one of my very favorite possessions.

I believe artists have an important role to play in our lives and in our world. If you're an artist, you know you are doing what you have to do. Lynn is one artist trying to make a living and support her family by doing what she loves and making the world a more beautiful place. She's feeling the effects of our current economy, as many are, so she's offering a holiday give-away which you can read about here. (You have until Friday, December 19th to purchase a calendar and enter the drawing.)

I'm obviously a big fan of artists so please, support them! Visit your locally owned shops where local artists may sell their art or check out etsy or buy tickets to a play/music or live music performance. Art changes us. It adds beauty to the everyday and couldn't we all use a little more beauty?

Happy Holidays, everyone.

**Edit: Here's another artist to check out for gifts this holiday season. Photographer, Steven Johnson, has many stunning photographs so please, visit his galleries and consider purchasing a print.

Vocation

2008-12-10T10:02:00.000-08:00

Two definitions from Dictionary.com:
Vocation
1. a particular occupation, business, or profession; calling.
2. a strong impulse or inclination to follow a particular activity or career.

Words from others on the topic:
“Each man has his own vocation; his talent is his call. There is one direction in which all space is open to him.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

“An unfulfilled vocation drains the color from a man's entire existence.” -Honore de Balzac

“Vocation is the spine of life.” -Friedrich Nietzsche

“The artist vocation is to send light into the human heart.” -George Sand

“The vocation of every man and woman is to serve other people.” -Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

“If each one does their duty as an individual and if each one works in their own proper vocation, it will be right with the whole.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Vocations which we wanted to pursue, but didn't, bleed, like colors, on the whole of our existence." -Honore de Balzac

"To hunger for use and to go unused is the worst hunger of all." -Lyndon B. Johnson

Wandering At The Moment

2008-12-08T16:52:00.000-08:00

I literally wandered around LA last night because I couldn't decide where I wanted to go. All I knew was that I didn't want to be home. I started in one direction but decided I didn't want to go there so I turned around walked back to where I started. As I continued to walk and turn and walk and turn, I was thinking "this is my life and it's pathetic." So, I've decided to spend the evening making lists. Not Christmas lists (although, I ought to at least start thinking about shopping) but rather lists of things I want to do/be and possible steps to get there. I know, revolutionary. Most of my processing and evaluating takes place in my head but I do take time to write it down from time to time, in fact, I've probably done this at least once or twice already this year. That's not going to stop me! I mean, it can't hurt to do it again...right? I don't expect to have any epiphanies as a result of this exercise but I do hope it allows my brain to breathe a bit, it's suffocating at the moment.

Evaluating and re-evaluating one's life is exhausting! I'm not sure most people spend this much time pouring over their direction, choices, calling, desires, dreams, etc. I have no way of comparing and it hardly matters. The point is, I want to believe that I have a true calling or purpose, that all of us have specific jobs to do while on earth. Perhaps it's just a romantic notion but I have to believe there is more to life and vocation than trying to pay the bills. Frequently, I hear people say they genuinely love what they do and I desperately want to relate to those words. I know life is about the journey and I don't mean to discount the importance of that piece. However, right now I'm just wandering without any direction, hoping my dream life drops out of the sky. I don't know where to turn and I can't see beyond my fears, doubts, limitations and excuses. I'm in my own way. Isn't that great?

If you are one of those who have already discovered your true vocation, celebrate it.

Okay, I'm off to make my lists.

Not all who wander are lost...(but I sure am.)
~J.R.R. Tolkien (and Me)

The First Amendment Alive And Well

2008-11-12T12:33:00.000-08:00

After work last night, I went for a walk along the beach (the sound of the ocean is good for my soul) since I had some time to kill before I would be able to meet my roommate, who was going to let me back into our apartment where my keys were residing at the time. I started in Venice and ended up at the Santa Monica Pier. As I approached Ocean Avenue, I could hear and see a crowd of protesters. With Prop 8 recently passing in California, I assumed that was the reason for this protest and I was correct. I was excited to stumble upon this demonstration of our country's First Amendment rights. As my sister recently said, "I love democracy!" If we don't like something, we have the right to say something about it and many have been doing so for centuries. It's a thing to be celebrated, in my opinion.

Honestly, I was quite surprised that Prop 8 passed, perhaps I was naive. I haven't done enough research to understand why it passed. The point is it did and many people are assembling peacefully across the state (and country) to voice their disappointment, hurt, frustration and anger. Of course, there are those standing on the other side of the issue but there doesn't seem to be as many, perhaps because they are happy about the result and find it unnecessary to act at this time. (I only saw three "Yes on 8" protesters last night and they were too far away to photograph given the darkness.)

Below are some images from the protest I unexpectedly attended and that were accompanied by chants like:

"What do we want?
Equal Rights!
When do what them?
Now!"

"Gay, straight, black, white, marriage is a civil right!"

At The Moment I'm Locked Out Of My Apartment

2008-11-11T14:26:00.000-08:00

Even so, I feel better than yesterday and for that, I am grateful. Just thought it might be wise to share that little update.

At The Moment I'm Freaking Out

2008-11-10T15:16:00.001-08:00

Unfortunately, I freak out more than I'd like to admit. I prefer pretending I'm strong and able to "go with the flow" but the truth is I'm mostly a mess. At least, that's how I feel today. I've been on a quest for contentment and balance most of my life. It alludes me still. I don't know what it will take for me to be fulfilled in life, to make the decisions necessary to bring me the happiness I so desire, to find the thing(s) that I seem to be missing. I often look back and try to discover where I went wrong. When was I supposed to learn the thing most everyone else seems to have learned? How did I end up this alone and this paralyzed? How do I move forward? How do I know which steps to take next? I know life isn't easy but is it supposed to be this hard? I don't know how to measure that, I suppose. I know in many ways I'm lucky and have little or no right to complain considering what so many others have to endure on a daily basis. Sometimes I appreciate that, sometimes I can't see beyond my own pain. At the moment, I'm freaking out but tomorrow will be better. I hope.

Yes We Can

2008-11-05T12:16:00.000-08:00

I want to document this beautifully historic event but I can't seem to find the words. The tears come easily, however. I have a vivid memory of listening to President-Elect Obama speaking at the 2004 DNC. I had two thoughts. One, "why isn't that man running instead of Kerry?" and two, "someday, I will vote for him for President of the United States." I never thought it would be this soon but yesterday, I did vote for him and did so with a sense of excitement that I've never experienced in a voting booth before. Americans came out and raised our voices and together, we overwhelmingly asked Mr. Obama to take us into the future. There are many people better equipped than I to state the importance of this moment in our history. I know I'm really lucky to have had the opportunity to participate in this particular election. And I know, this is a day I will never forget.

Thank you, Mr. Obama, for taking on this immense challenge and for giving me hope for the future. Thank you to your family who will sacrifice much over the next four years. Thank you to the many people who chose to get involved and actively support his campaign. We did it and we proudly celebrate today, tears and all.

Victory Speech in Chicago's Grant Park.

Weekend/Race Report: Nike Women's Marathon 2008

2008-10-23T13:32:00.000-07:00

As I sit staring at the screen, trying to write a race report, it's hard to believe the weekend is over. It feels like such a blur as I think back on it and I'm still processing it so the words might come clumsily here.

The weekend itself was full of reunions as I connected with family, friends from college, and friends from KC. It was really fun to run into each one even though, it seemed there was little time for conversation. My phone rang more in those first couple days that it had all year long! It was crazy but eventually, everyone arrived and checked in to their hotels so the exploration of marathon and San Francisco activities could begin.

The W. women represent! (Photo courtesy of Luke W.)

Friday was filled with visits to the Nike Expotique where we picked up our race day packets and visited vendors that were giving away free stuff, a trip to Niketown for event merchandise and to find our names amongst the 20,000 others on the outside wall, a casual dinner and an early bedtime since it was the best chance at a good night's sleep before the race. I met my college friends at Fisherman's Wharf on Saturday morning to decorate our singlets with our names as well as the names of those we were running in honor/memory of. We walked down to Boudin for a delicious lunch, clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl for me, and walked along the bay enjoying the views. I sat on a park bench while the others made their way to Ghiradelli Square and after a stop at Lombard Street and a quick hello to my family at Union Square, we continued on to the TNT Pasta Party. John Bingham was his usual comedic self and it was another moving, energized and entertaining evening that got us excited and ready for the morning. My roommate for the weekend, Jen, and I, headed back to our room and began the checklist of all the things we needed to lay out for the morning. This was the first time I had thought about the fact that I was in SF to do another marathon. WHAT?! All of a sudden, I was nervous and trying to figure out exactly what I was thinking when I signed up for this again! I began to remember how much it hurt and how exhausting it was and how much I swore I would never do another full marathon! Too late now. We laid out all our gear-- and I have a lot -- and we attempted to sleep.

The Start Line!

After a restless night, I woke up 30 min. before my alarm. Okay, fine, it was going to be that kind of day. As I got ready, I wasn't nervous at all, I was too tired to be nervous. I met my team and we headed out to the very cold start line. Of course, once I got out there I decided I had to go to the bathroom. Since our hotel was closer to the start line than the porta-potty line, I chose the warmer/cleaner option. I managed to cut my finger on a piece of metal that was sticking out from the stall door. Ugh. I found an aid station but it was not yet stocked so a guy nearby had a bandaid which I graciously accepted and hoped a tetanus shot was not necessary. Back at the start, I saw my dad then my mom. She appeared totally ready and excited for it all to begin. I stood with my training crew as we waited for the clock to countdown and then we were off! It was dark and cold but we all expected that, it was early after all. We were layered with jackets, long sleeved shirts, gloves, scarves, hats and even pants in some cases. Brrrr! There was a coat check at mile 2.5 and I later would regret checking my extra layers because it NEVER warmed up and we NEVER saw the sun!

The race itself is difficult for me to describe since I often don't remember much and am pretty oblivious in the moment. My training partners are always pointing out things to me or asking about a particular event that occurred on the course and 99% of the time, I have no idea what they're talking about! What's happens to me out there? Here's what I do remember, we saw my dad, sister & Erik at mile 3 (yay!) and my brother, Luke, joined them at miles 11, 16 and 26, we saw other familiar faces along the way and I remember the first woman who said "go, Amy!" because I realized the sun had risen enough so that she could read my name on my singlet. I remember most of the hills, including a few new ones that were added to the course this year-- who's brilliant idea was that?! As I ascended one of the hills, I turned to Anna, my running partner, and said "my friends are going to kill me!" The hills seemed so much harder this year or perhaps I just chose to forget them. Either way, I was pretty sure I would be down a friend or two by the end of this thing. Oops. I remember seeing Joan Benoit Samuelson running-- such a hero for women! And speaking of heros, I remember the many names displayed on the passing runners. The reminders of why we were really there.

In Golden Gate Park at about mile 13, I saw my college friends, Katie and Ginny! I had been waiting all morning for them to pass me so it was exciting to see them and they looked super strong! I was so proud. They would pass me a couple miles later and I was amazed with their impressive run. At mile 16, when meeting my family, I recall asking them, "why did I decide to do this again?!" before forging on. Then I saw my sister-in-law, Andrea, also looking strong even though she said she was tired. We walked a bit together and then she was off to her impressive finish. I loved running into all these inspiring women!

Andrea couldn't be happier!

I'm going to pause here and tell you a bit about my race last year. Around mile 15, I had noticed the ball of my right foot was hurting but I didn't think much of it. I figured I had developed a blister in a weird place and kept going. (I would later discover I had bruised and blistered my right foot. Ouch!) It continued to get worse and I began to overcompensate which resulted in bad cramping in my left calf beginning at mile 19. The last seven miles, I wondered whether or not I'd be able to finish. All the stretching in the world was not taking care of the problem, neither was salt. It was all too little too late. I did finish but it wasn't pretty. Last year, I also lost my running partner at mile 2 so I did the majority of the race by myself.

Back to this year, I was determined to avoid the calf cramping and to experience this race with Anna who, I might add, walked the entire race with a full-size Pringles can in her hand! She was hilarious and a big hit with everyone she passed. I didn't want to go out too fast and I knew Anna would help me to stay at a relaxed pace at the start so it was all good. We stopped to stretch every couple miles as we were feeling really tight all morning long. I think the cold weather probably played a part as did my paranoia about cramping. At mile 20, I looked at the clock for the first time. Seriously, I had not focused on time at all for the first 20 miles and then all of a sudden I saw it and started to do the math. At this rate, I would finish with a slower time than last year! That was NOT acceptable! This was supposed to be easier and faster because I didn't have the cramping/bruising issues. I guess stopping 15 times to stretch and once to wait in a restroom line added up quickly. I started walking faster, knowing Anna was behind me and I figured she would catch up when I inevitably stopped to stretch AGAIN but when I did stop, I didn't see her. I put my sunglasses on and kept going.

The sunglasses were not on because it was sunny, it wasn't. They were there to protect the innocent runners, walkers and spectators that I might encounter over the next 6.2 miles. I had hit my "bite me zone" as John Bingham refers to it. With each step, I got more and more pissed off. At what, I'm not sure, it was all quite irrational. I didn't make eye contact with anyone, I didn't want anyone cheering for me, and heaven forbid anyone tried to talk to me! Wow, I never had a response like this. It should have been embarrassing since all these kind-hearted people were out there in the cold and mist to support me and help to cross the finish line but I was too busy being mad at them to be embarrassed. Shortly after mile 24, I found myself on pace with two women obsessively talking about how close we must be to the finish line. "Do you see the white tents? That would mean we were close. He said we were 1.5 miles away, I hope he was right. Do you think he was right? Are we close? Can you see the tents? Where's the mile 25 marker? Do you see it? I think he was wrong. How close are we now? How many street lights before the finish line? I still can't see the mile 25 marker. I think we have more than 1.5 miles to go. No, I think I can see the tents. Oh no, that's a different tent. The end of mile 25 is taking forever to get here." YA THINK?! Maybe if you'd stop talking about it the time would pass more quickly!!! It took everything in me to keep from taking them both out. I tried running faster to get away from them but then they would do the same thing. I crossed to the other side of the street to at least create some distance. In the last mile, I picked up my pace and finally got away. Still, I'm pretty sure mile 25 was twice as long as all the other miles! One of my coaches met up with me and helped keep me on pace to come in earlier than my finish time last year. I told her I just needed to come in 30 seconds earlier, anything but over! As I approached the finish line, I heard my family chanting my name and I was still in my ferocious "bite me zone" so my response to them was less than classy. I'll leave it at that, except to say that thankfully, they all thought it was funny and their laughter made me laugh which was SO needed! I picked up my pace, the finish line was right there and now I heard my college friends cheering for me too! Step, step, step, step, FINISH LINE! Choking back tears. What an emotional finish. I went from anger to laughter to tears instantaneously. Crazy!

The college crew after we all finished! (Photo courtesy of Aaron Routhe.)

Part of my family after mom and I both finished 26.2 miles!

I found friends for some pictures and then my family as we cheered on my mom during her finish. That's right, my mom's a marathoner! We shivered as we took more pictures then headed back to our hotels for warm showers and rest. That evening, we celebrated our accomplishments at E & O Trading Co. Dinner, martinis, good friends, family, it was grand.

The college crew at dinner.

The next day, everyone began their journeys home and I walked around the city a bit before taking the shuttle to the airport for a short flight home but not before a bird pooped on me. What a send off, San Francisco! It really was a great weekend but as usual, went by too quickly and I find that I had very few full conversations with anyone. It's my hope that the weekend was an experience none of us will forget.

The fam after dinner.

Collectively, my college friends and I raised $30,000 for the LLS! Add in my mom and Andrea, and we raised $37,000! With all 5000 TNT participants nationwide, the grand total is over $18 MILLION for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society! THANK YOU for being a part of this journey with me. No matter what role you played, financial supporter, encourager, running partner, race day spectator or friend, I could not have done this without you. You have made such a difference in the lives of so many people and I saw lots of them on Sunday. There were thousands of people standing with signs and pictures of their loved ones that faced cancer and they thanked us as we passed. Their gratitude goes out to you, as well. You made it possible for me and my friends and family to be out there on Sunday sharing in this life changing experience. You are making it possible for the LLS to continue in it's mission to find a cure for blood cancers. I hope you'll consider staying involved and maybe even participate in your own endurance event with TNT. You won't regret it!

Two Beauties

2008-09-13T12:22:00.000-07:00

The top photograph in this post is so interesting to me. Isn't it intriguing?

In the archives of the same blog, I came across this fabulous little conversation overheard by the writer. Divine.

Westside Update.5

2008-09-02T20:33:00.000-07:00

LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN!
6.75 Weeks to Race Day
4 Weeks to Fundraising Deadline

And thus begins the FINAL preparations for this year's attempt to raise $3200 for cancer patient support/research and to complete all 26.2 miles of the Nike Women's Marathon. The final exam. Just breathe and relax. What? Am I the only needing to remind myself to breathe?! Okay, probably so but there might be some "sympathy pains" out there. Anyone?

Well, your "pains" (or overwhelming joys) may have more to do with Back to School season than with endurance events and fundraising because as we all know, if your local schools haven't already started, this is the week! Well, I'm excited to tell you that today is Audrey's first day of kindergarten! Audrey is our team's honored teammate and she's been in treatment for leukemia for over a year. Her mom, Katy, is training with our Westside team and Sunday, she shared that Audrey's doing really well, even as the doctors continue to increase her meds. Her strength is remarkable and her family is already planning the "end of treatment" party which is July 31, 2009! I can't imagine. Thankfully, Katy said Audrey's like a normal 5 year old nowadays and she's ready for school. I hope she had a great first day!

Speaking of school, my training feels very much like homework. I think about it everyday. What I'm eating, how much I'm sleeping, how active I've been, etc. And someone will ask me how much I ran/walked so I better be prepared with an answer! Well, here it is. I essentially completed 3 half marathons during the month of August and this past Sunday, I asked my coach if we could, please, get to at least 16 miles next week because I was feeling behind. I know, weird that I would ask for more mileage but it's true. I've turned into the kid that chooses to sit in the front of the room asking for extra assignments. Who knew?! Last season, 16 miles felt awful (mostly due to the midwestern heat/humidity we were fighting that day) so I'm looking forward to moving beyond that mileage and over that mental hurdle. We might even move right ahead to 18 miles...I wonder how that will feel?! I'll be sure to let you know.

In a previous update, I mentioned that I recently read Dawn Dais' "The Non-Runner's Marathon Guide For Women" and I'm taking one of her ideas which means I'm assigning you homework. (It's been a while since I've done that, I forgot how fun it can be! Don't worry, it won't be graded.) She had her friends and family send her short quotes or notes, often humorous things, that she could read when she hit particularly difficult moments in the race. Strangely, this didn't end up helping her but I think it would be fun and helpful for me. As in Dawn's case, the funnier and more sarcastic, the better! A mix of the serious and humorous will be great. It'll help me to remember that I'm not alone out there, that there's a group of people supporting me, even if from afar. So, put your thinking caps on and motivate me with your hilarity & wisdom! (No pressure! )

To recap, Audrey's an A student and doing great! My homework is to run/walk my tail off and keep telling people about this great cause. Your homework is to send me a short note for race day and to visit my website (website no longer active) if you'd like to make a donation to help other patients like Audrey. If you have any questions, I'm available for after school help.

Cheers,
Amy

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Donations are still being accepted at: Website no longer active.
Amy has currently raised $1745 and has a goal of $3200!

Things I've Done Today

2008-08-25T14:53:00.001-07:00

-Dropped a shampoo bottle on my foot and cut my toe.
-Avoided paying an extra $40 for returning a rental car 2 minutes late.
-Poured scalding coffee on my hand.
-Missed 3 buses.
-Walked 14 blocks to work in heels, carrying a cup of coffee in one hand and a cup of ice in the other, all the while attempting to ice above mentioned burn.
-Spilled coffee on my shirt.
-Was 30 minutes late to work.

That was all before 10am. Humph. Hope your Monday morning was a bit less...harmful.

Jen

2008-08-21T12:38:00.000-07:00

My friend of 15 years, fellow TNT teammate, and San Francisco roommate has recently had a photo shoot with her friend, Laura, and I think the pics came out great! Both photographer and subject did a fabulous job celebrating this beautiful woman in a fun and even quirky way. And what a creative way to document Jen's experience.
Check them out!

Westside Update.4

2008-08-20T14:20:00.000-07:00

In case, you're not following along here with this latest marathon adventure of mine and you're curious about how I'm doing (and let's face it, who isn't dying to know), below is my recent update:

Whew! Somehow, we've made it past the half way point and in exactly 2 months from today, I, along with 20,000 of my new best friends, will be sweating our little hearts out on the streets of San Francisco! Thank you for sticking by me on this journey, friends.

My Westside team is doing pretty well. (Like how I took ownership of the entire team, there?!) Most of the team has recommitted (meaning we've officially signed up with Nike and given a credit card # to guarantee that our fundraising goal will be met), full marathoners have made it to at least 13 miles, half marathoners to 9 miles, and as a team, we've raised $130,000! Our coaches and mentors continue to guide us through this process offering encouragement and expertise along the way. And we do our best to trust them and avoid taking detours to the beach as we pass by. Anna is my current weekend walking/running partner and she's great about reminding us to relax. I can't imagine why I forget to relax in the middle of 13 miles?!

As we're out on the course, we also lie...a lot. We tell ourselves thing like "this is fun," "we feel great," "it's a beautiful day and there's nowhere else we'd rather be," and "wow, we look great in spandex." And we tell some truths as well, "we're pretty lucky to have the ocean and mountains as the backdrop to our training," "we've accomplished so much on this Sunday morning," "if he/she can withstand chemo and radiation, we can certainly complete ___ miles," and "our only job is to endure." This past Sunday, we kept crossing paths with a man who was easily in his 70s and looking at him, you would think his running days had long since passed. We could not have been more wrong. Anna and I were both pretty sure he could kick our butts any day of the week! And he was wearing a shirt that read, "Run in feet. Dream in miles." He was our inspiration for the rest of our mileage, truly amazing. When we're out on the course, we're desperate to find things (any things) to keep us going and remind of us of why we're out there in the first place because it's easy to forget when you're body is trying to tell you it would rather be at the movies!

There have been highs and lows and I know there will be more of both in the coming months but I continue to recommit to this challenge and do all I can to keep myself motivated. I even bought a book over the weekend titled, "The Non-Runner's Marathon Guide For Women" by Dawn Dais and it's hilarious! She's completely sarcastic and I love it! It's good to laugh out loud about the craziness involved in marathon training and somehow, it's even motivating.

So, that's the latest from LA's westside. If you're following along with my college friends and I spread out around the country, we're all recommitted, doing well and have raised $17,286!!! (Katie has even reached her fundraising goal!) My mom and sister-in-law are also doing well having reached at least 14 miles and $3,621! Who knew we would one day find ourselves united for the same cause and running marathons to support it? Not me, that's for sure! Thank you, once again, to all those that have donated to me, my friends, and family members. We are all encouraged beyond words by your generous support. We'll need it even more over the coming weeks because it only gets harder from here. Thankfully, it also gets more exciting as we get closer to our goals and race day!

Anyone for a run?

Peace,
Amy

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Donations are still accepted at: Sorry, website no longer active.)
Amy has currently raised $1570 and has a goal of $3200!

Friday, After Work

2008-08-16T08:37:00.000-07:00

I live in the most beautiful place in America. I sit beneath a row of baby palm trees, toes in the bright green grass, eyes upon the sand and ocean. There's a lovely breeze coming off the water and a steady flow of runners, walkers, moms with strollers, cyclists, tourists and locals. And yet somehow, this is most peaceful spot in the world. It's perfect. And the special thing about it is, this could be a description of any day here. In this moment, I have the perfect life. I am thankful.