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heartbroken

2009-10-31T16:46:00.000-07:00

sometimes, maybe less is more.

enough said.

2009-10-24T04:19:00.001-07:00

2009-09-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

days in hell are over.

wanna know how i feel?

i feel so happy-y!

ha! he! hi! ho! hu!

need not elaborate much on the dreadful ones, let's talk about Saturday!

went to Penang with Patrick, and boy, that was crazy! we had only one purpose in mind: to watch Up and Final Destination in 3D. heh heh. for God sake, i somehow learn to love Apple. it was the GPS, i reckon.. that guided us all the way to Gurney Plaza and whoops, his love got a bump! ouch. hehe. if ever i'm given the chance to go Penang again, i'll never step my feet nor even leave a bulu in Gurney; reason one, it's so badly organized that it seemed like a maze to get to Mr.Teppanyaki so we ended up in Kim Gary, eating the 'crunchy rice' of sorts; reason two, the Penangites are just.. how do i phrase it.. just so lembap that i got so frustrated with them. even funnier when one of the waiter answered back so stupidly that i couldn't stop =.=" =.=" =.="
so anyway, our final destination was watching Final Destination before headed back to Ipoh. great time i had with Mr. Babi. oinky oink. that marked the very first time on a day long journey with just you & i =)

*pics uploaded later

now, take a look at this babe, i really wanted the new ipod nano so badly, but well, i know where my priority is.. nevermind. i'll get it sooner or later, patience Suk Wai, patience!
http://www.apple.com/ipodnano/features/

on a very unrelated note; i just don't get it why some people, girls especially, have to react so funny. you did nothing wrong to her at all, cos she's not even close to being a friend of yours, just a mere acquaintance, but she throws you that kinda disgusted 'oh-i'm-so-pissed-off-with-you' look, being so ignorant when you try to talk to her, acted as if i'm talking to the wall. how can one be so rude? arghhhhhhh. okay, maybe i'm a lil' over reacting or noisy or whatever it is, but all i want is just to have some fun with my friends, is that wrong? well, maybe i shouldn't even question that at all, who cares what the hell she thought of you eh? she's just a fart, not even a tiny fart, ahhh so forget it. LOL

someone quoted this saying,

Bring to mind the people with whom you love to spend time. Chances are they are people who can laugh at themselves. People who laugh at themselves have more fun, more friends and less ulcers!

oh btw, managed to sneak a peak on a very funny short video clip.. check it out xD

Bad Hair Days

2009-08-22T23:17:00.000-07:00

oh dear,
the entire week has been miserable and awful.
a series of unfortunate events kept haunting us, like a back-to-back marathon.
never knew so much could happen over night.
emotional brokedown, not knowing what to do.
a gesture turned into a disaster.
a surprise celebration turned into a tragedy.
a fun-based competition turned into a mess.
the innocent one was being defamed.
the righteous ones were being pushed to the end of the runway.
whilst the wicked one was left to do whatever he desires.
but i believe, i do believe there's justice in this world.

there are so many reasons to mourn about, but there are also reasons to celebrate.

it is these unfortunate events that made me see things in a new different perspectives.
i feel the sense of togetherness, oneness and unity among us.
i absolutely truly adore the man i love.
the power of positive thinking when encounter with problems will make a difference.
the power of trust is so important.
the innocent lil' boy came to me, 'sister. thank you. thank you for trusting me.' the most beautiful phrase i've ever listened to.
someone who used to think he's a crap, praised him today.
spent precious days with loved ones.
life can take its toll to anyone, at anytime at all without warnings.
and bad things do happen to good people.
my faith towards God has increased tremendously.
He has reason to every of His plan.
He can be the reason we cry and smile as well.
====================================================================

i'm glad that everything is falling into place now. things will get better eventually.
Oosh!
many things, way too many i've learnt.

and it's true my sister said i'm stupid in communicating with others. cos i never know what's the right words to say at the right timing, and even to express myself, i find it just so hard.

on a very unrelated note, i was googling for my blogspot actually when i spotted something interesting.

http://topblog.hoofoo.net/blog-index-blogger-S-page169-sukwai.blogspot.com.html

wow, never knew i'll be listed in any site online. haha

Over the moon

2009-08-17T07:51:00.000-07:00

okay pat, i'm extremely sorry. i promised to off now, but here i am after switching off my comp, eventually i turned it on again. i' m just overly-excited you see, that i don't know who to share it with. forgive me please *smoochies

WOHOOOOO
after months of separation, i'm finally reunited with my mum once again!
oh well, maybe i sounded a lil' too dramatic to be true,
but you never know how it feels to be all by your own,
been thru all those dreadful, lonesome nights, not having anyone by your side.
the shelter you once called Home is merely just a House to you,
i do my things, my bro does his.
everyday without failed, once reaching home; facing the four walls, feeling so dumb. so lifeless.
i'm not gonna turn myself into a self-pitying mode
so anyway, yea.. sabah here i come!
wohoooo.
i'm on cloud nine already.
praying as hard as i could, so mum doesnt change her mind, or
i'll be devastated.
many thing came up my mind.
have to bring clothes, shoes, earrings, photos for mum.
have to exercise a lil' since putting so much weights recently
have to study MORE since trials just around the corner..
check check...
what else i gotta prepare?
shoot.
feels so klutzy right now.

*i realize mum changed so much, so much sweeter and cuter. LOL. i feel as if treating a child now. she wants smoochies. she wants huggies. the funniest part is, i don't know if i should say this; but mum actually wanted pat to hug her and sleep sama, and i cant get angry. so OMG funny. hahaha

oh, i just cant stop saying how happy i am right now that i could do Cha-Cha right away. haha

hasta la vista!

The Big Easy

2009-08-17T00:37:00.000-07:00

aiseh.
Where should i start?
Lots of things to type about
Lots of things happened.

Handover was.. err, 2 weeks ago. i'm suppose to upload the picture, but then again i never seem to have time for it..

the other day Patrick thought i was posing with the blazer. but well, in-the-matter-of-fact tune, i'm telling you, i wasn't. it was my blazer. hahahah
p/s: the updates! updates! post was meant to be the day where i officially sold my blazer *weeping.. to Mee Yee, my most funniest and cekaping junior one could have. i'll upload the photo later la ha. LOL

urm.. urm.. trials in 2 weeks time. wohooo. i wished i have the strength (i typed strengh earlier.. smacks head*) and determination to go through this phase of my life. *praying.. and of cos, i so deperately need to have peace in my mind.. maybe, well maybe i should go up to the Mountain, and meditate peacefully, to calm myself before the big day arrives.. *hinting.. sunflowers.. tea.. *stil hinting if you are that tortoise.. fresh vegetables.. most importantly strawberries.. *if you don't get what i mean, then let's just forget it alright? xD

on second note, i miss this friend of mine (referring to the slightly taller than me, smiling like an evil witch. haha *fyi: i was taller than her many many years back, maybe i shrunk or maybe she cheated)
friendship is such an amazing relationship to even describe it. sometimes, it's not about how often two friends keeping in touch, talking to each other that what makes you call 'em a friend. it's about how understanding your friend is when you are burning the candle at both ends, not complaining or even saying remarks like 'yeala. people got someone already, so busy. no time for old friends or bla bla..' haha, i don't wanna keep this post too long, so i just wanted to say i love you girl. thanks to these special creatures for being so understanding, when communicating seems so hard for me nowdays. oh gosh. after stpm, must must meet up with all of you! =D

and on a very unrelated note, here's the masterpieces exclusively for you guys:
(well, i don't know who's eye is this. all i can say, this masterpiece is really great, but the greatest none other than the mastermind behind it. hoho)
please don't cry =p

*a verse from the song.. Can't Take My Sepet Eyes Off-fuu You

*enlarge it by drawing more lines above the eye

*try to make your eyes more sepet by pulling the corner of your eyes to look like a samurai

that's the advantage of having a pair of smaller eyes, some call it sexy. haha

* "oooo. i gain back my confidence. "
=====================================================================
oh and i love Lenka, especially Trouble is a Friend.
Very catching and cute. LOL. and her music is weird too! wohooo

p/s: BENCI you! haha

2009-08-13T07:18:00.000-07:00

updates! updates!

2009-07-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

must sembelih babi tonight.
oosh oosh.
amitabha

shoutouts to myself

2009-07-14T06:54:00.000-07:00

BIG SIGHS.

well, i am contented
but there'll be times
i couldn't help
but to sigh.
feeling so lost.
so many choices to make
so little time

i'm never good in making decision
nor an independent decision- maker
for all i know,
i'll gather bits of advices from all sources
and i'll make my final decision based on what the majority says,
most of the time.

but then again,
maybe it's time to grow up
i do not want a life based on what others choose for me,
or what the majority chose
it's my own life i'm talking about
and in life, it is all about choices we make
and how the direction of our lives comes down to the choices we choose
it doesn't matter if i make the wrong choice today,
so long as it's a choice i choose to make, and it's what i wanted
there's no right or wrong

guess am better off to bed now.

thank you god for the beautiful life i am blessed with when all i asked for was to live.
*hands clasped in prayer, looking at the full moon.. slowly, transforming into a werewolf, howling. woooooooooo ahhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2009-07-04T21:19:00.000-07:00

suddenly feel like shouting out loud saying; yehaaaaaaa

YEHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

LOL.

don't wanna sound so emo anymore,
what's past, already past.
what's yet to happen, still anticipated for the yet-to happen to happen
and guess how i feel today?
it feels as if i'm carrying a 10kg bomb in my stomach, waiting to explode anytime.
sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo in PAIN.
sighs.
not sigh, i mean

YEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

xD

2009-06-12T17:13:00.000-07:00

8.24am and im wide awake, surprisingly.

have you ever lost someone so dear to you?
do you even know how it feels to lose someone you truly care?

it feels bad isn't it?

your heart kept beating like an 808, nearing to having heart attack.
you don't feel comfortable.
all things crept into your mind.
you started to get worried.
you would even give up to your fairy tales dreams just to stay awake,
staring emptily at the screen,
all the What Ifs in you, wrapped with guilt.
hoping to receive just one missed call or anything from the one you love,
to ease off whatever pains or worries in you
praying hard as you could so things wouldn't get as bad as you thought.
when you are lost with words,
tears started flowing down your cheeks.
you feel scared
the principle is simple; when words are most empty, tears are most apt.
but when you get the response you wanted,
your heart tells you the opposite.
not only you feel stupid of yourself,
you feel mad at the person
evil thoughts conquering your mind once again,
but you feel a big sigh of relief
that everything falls into pieces
that's no wonder people says heart is an organ of fire,
also a complex organ.

it's amazing the things you realize
when you lose someone or to even feel it,
you get mad at yourself
for not saying the things you could've a million times,
for the things you did not get to do and kept in your heart.
you take for granted the days
spent doing nothing when you could have been with them.
anyone can be taken,
at any time in our lives,
but we always wait until they're gone to say
the things we never had the courage to before.
too often we take the ones we cared the most for granted,
treating them worse than anyone else,
knowing they wont leave us no matter what,
knowing they accept us for who we really are.
but beneath all these lies, do we take them for granted not?

today i feel how it feels to lose someone i loved.
i always thought it wouldn't feel as bad as i thought it would be
to lose someone special in my life,
for i always believe that life moves on as time passes by,
whether you want it or not.
time heals everything.
today my heart tells me the opposite.
i can't afford to lose anyone,
especially the love of my life
for i do not know what will i become
if i lose him.
say i'm obsess,
or maybe too into it for the moment,
but what i feel today,
i can't bare to lose the special ones in my life once again
i can't afford to lose in the game of love,
i can't spare to spend a day without my loved ones..
i can't and do not want to endure such pains
when my life seems to be in a fairy tale for the moment
though there'll be the day
where sun sets in
and giving way to the night

tomorrow is never a promise =)

beautifully written xD

2009-05-18T05:27:00.000-07:00

I think....everybody knows what is Love! but very rare persons are able to say something about love. I think...

love can be red,like the intense heat of a passionate kiss
.....the color of sweetness
.....the color of strawberries
love can be blue,like the comfort we take in a pair of denim jeans
.....the color of strenght
.....the color of perfect skies
love can be yellow,bright and warm like the morning sun
.....like the sounds of laughters of children on the merry-go-round
.....like the sounds of fun from the boys flying kites in the open fields
love can be green,peaceful and serene i can hear your heart beats
.....it is the feeling of a loving hand that touch a grieving heart
.....it is the whispering of trusting words to a distressing soul
love can be orange,the loudness of it can drive you up a wall
.....it can drive you to sing like nobody is listening
.....it can drive you to dance like nobody is watching
love can be purple,the courage we need to love bravely and unselfishly
.....the moment i first kiss you i know that i am not afraid to risk involvement
.....the day the declaration of your love for me was made known to the world.

We all want to fall in love. Why?
Because that experience makes us feel completely alive.
Where every sense is heightened, every emotion is magnified,
our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon.
But that doesn't diminish its value.
Because we are left with memories
that we treasure for the rest of our lives.

A relationship is like a rose,
How long it lasts, no one knows;
Love can erase an awful past,
Love can be yours, you'll see at last;
To feel that love, it makes you sigh;
To have it leave, you'd rather die;
You hope you've found that special rose, '

Love never dies a natural death.
It dies because we don't know
how to replenish it's source.
It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals.
It dies of illness and wounds;
it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

...Ravi

http://www.whereincity.com/articles/relationships/6975.html

2009-05-18T04:26:00.000-07:00

i saw a rainbow earlier!

it was so beautiful that i wished i could just stood there hours and hours being mesmerized by such a spectacular phenomenon being so carefree, do nothing. think nothing.

what made me really disappointed was not guilty for not studying, when i know i should.

indeed, i was so disappointed that i did not get to capture a picture of the rainbow when the sky decided to pour and the rainbow just vanished like that. JUST LIKE THAT! ='(

just a question to ponder.
how many times a week do you actually try to slow down a lil', putting aside everything, forgetting all the hassles and hectic routines you've been doing all along and just look up the sky, being captivated and lost in your own fantasy?

i bet none.

as stupid as it sounds to be, i do.

in fact, many times where i feel so miserable, like a lost soul walking down the road i would stare blankly in the sky. after awhile, i could take a big sigh of relief. the feeling is great.

i feel so aimless, so hopeless and all the -less, you name it..

i hate it when emotion strikes.

i hate it when i feel so lazy and tired that all i wanted, is lying on my bed do nothing.

it seems i'm allowing the time to pass me by without doing anything productive or should i say doing things that would beneficial myself or anyone at all.

tired i am.
sleep i shall
and fail i would

2009-05-04T04:36:00.000-07:00

i may sound funny to say this or perhaps even lame..
this morning as i woke up, many things running through my head..
nenek's voice kept playing like a scene without sound, rewind playback rewind playback
at one point i really thought that, why not i just take a break? it's only one day, and im gonna study hard later in the evening.
another voice kept telling 'sukwai, if your gona remain like now, you'll regret one day. if you choose to escape school today, your gona failed in your stpm."
and then, patrick's message just came on time asking to get up and wash face, and i did. i really did. OMG. so the story ends here. so lame. hahahaha.

what i'm tryna say, this morning is like a wake up call for myself.
as i reflect on what i'd been doing over the past years, or maybe let's make it shorter, the recent five months. did i put in any effort at all to achieve what i've always wanted? or did i just talk the talk, had all the great plans in my mind, but did i actually practice what i preached to make a difference? what had i been doing for the past months? the answer is pretty frustrating. i'm so disappointed with myself.

when i chose my path to come f6 a year ago, i told myself; sukwai, you ain't gonna be so lucky thinking that your gonna score in stpm if you set your mindset unchanged like how you used to be in f5. if your not gonna put in extra efforts and be committed in your studies. don't come f6.

what i told myself, i'm gonna change. i ain't gonna be this playful anymore and i'll be serious. but what i see, i should be angry with myself that i did not live up to my words. i failed to keep my words.

sometimes, all i need is a push button to start. i'm a complete oxymoron when come to self-motivation. it's easy for me to try to inspire others to change for the better, but when come to myself i need others to inspire and push me. i do feel that, no one can achieve something really great alone. we need each other. everyone needs somebody and feels like somebody.

i don't wanna be so depending on others to give me that drive of force, but i just cant help it.

and i do come to realize that, i have to be selfish. friends may come and say, "well if you need me i'm always there to help you out". you can have a great time together; sharing laughters, sharing pains. finding the best solutions to solve every of your friend's problem when they come to you, but none of us will actually worry or even being concerned of our friend's future. it's an abstract thoughts, i don't know how to say it. the point is that, you gotta allow yourself to be selfish, shutting yourself completely from everyone, allow yourself to have some time alone; focusing on studies that kinda thing. nvm, i'm bullshitting already. better stop now.

i wish i had enough wisdom..
or a little wiser..
to know what to say
to have wisdom to say all the right words
i don't wanna screw up my speaking.
it makes me feel so small, feel like a fool
i can be crappy, but when it's time to be crappy; i'm just so lost in words.

but i guess..
everyone's good at something.. in their own special way.

i don't know if i can do it or not whether in terms of speaking, studying or whatsoever- but one thing or another, i guess i really have to go nuclear this time. not holding out any more barrel. hoho

i'm given one last chance to prove myself and i shouldn't let it slipped away once more. some people are just born to be so smart that they don't even have to try so hard to achieve their dreams, while some people have to try and keep trying so to achieve their dreams. don't know what to say. continue next time. should, really SHOULD PROCEED TO THE BACK AND STUDY NOW. HHAHAHAHAHAH

it only hppns in fairytale, but no harm fantasizing about it aite? wakaka

2009-05-01T21:34:00.000-07:00

wahahaha... i realize i didnt know how to express myself here in my blog anymore.. i just find it so difficult.. anyway.. i'll just type what comes to my mind first, so let's do this tag

5 characteristics of your dream guy?

*gentleman- im just so allergic to gentleman. it's the first criteria and top in my must have-bf's list. simple act like opening the doors, helping you to carry stuffs, waiting hours and hours for me to get ready without whining, keep his bad habits like cursing or shaking legs, LOL to a minimum while around me is good enough and at least do everything within his power to help and care for others not just to me alone, in short a guy with a big fat heart. a guy who's nice to everyone and not a hypocrite. a guy with an open mind that green eyed monster doesnt even have a place for it.

*a guy who tells bedtime stories and yet fell asleep himself. LOL. it's just so hard to find someone who's willing to tell you bedtime stories, feeling so childish and stupid but yet for your sake, he'll do it and watch your eyes closed, he'll kiss your forehead and walked away silently. yea, even if it's late and he knows he gotta go home, but he'll stay by your side just to make sure everything is okay. awww, sweet =p

* i want a guy who spend many of his first times with/for me, pulling down his ego to its minimum just so that i get what i desire with certain limits of cos, like allowing me to drive illegally, massaging me, tying my hair, play masak-masak, allow me to cut his hair, beard and moustache using a big scissors, digging the ear with zero experience and many many more.. oh yea, like being stopped by police twice and yet we escaped through it and still could laugh out loud saying 'damn.. this is fun!'

*honesty is the best policy. being honest, sincere and true in a relationship is the utmost important criteria. i mean, what's a relationship without all these? what's it left for the both of you if you don't trust your partner, judging them in every possible way? i believe that it's never an easy task to be honest with each other, telling and knowing everything what's on each other's mind, taking in their good and the bad ones. i want a guy who's not afraid to express what he feels and wants, considering how she feels that kinda thing.

* and last but not least i want a YES MAN. a man who says yes to every of your reasonable needs and treats you like his world. a man who never fails to be there for you during your darkest hours. a guy so caring and loving that he'll do anything just to see you smile. Like, planning some surprises just to see the girlfriend smiles and happy, forgetting all the hassles :) a guy who's modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions, a man who walks the talk and keep every of his promises.

5 characteristics that you have never like in a guy?

* Green Eyed Monster - when jealousy reigns so much, it'll kill a person eventually
* Headstrong - so hot tempered and stubborn that i don't need another clone of mine. LOL. don't want to create history, being the first one to cause volcano errupt in M'sia
* Lalang - a guy who has got not characters that whatever the girl says, will always be a yes although it's not right.
* Dominant - a guy that doesnt allow you to do this or that and controlling you. Go to hell. haha
* ASSHOLE - make empty promises

5 feelings that you have when you’re out with the one you admire?

* flying. LOL
* happiness comes naturally to you
* hence you'll never have enough of spending time together with the one you love
* you find it sweet
* us against the world, you don't see anything else and wished the time to just remain like that.

5 places that you want to travel with your loved one?

* beach
* waterfall
* outdoor activities like scuba diving, kayaking or any other adventurous activities, would be great
* langkawi, go kart
*aussie, play bungee jump. HAHA

5 things that you would give to your loved one?

* splatta love
* lotsa care
* countless smiles
* memorable moments
* i'll give my all

5 songs that you will sing to your partner?

* halo- beyonce
* fall for you- secondhand serenade
* us against the world- westlife
* westlife songs are great
* woo ahh oink? LOL

friends that you want to tag?
Babi. oink oink. haha

2009-05-01T20:43:00.000-07:00

the steamboat personality quiz

What kind of season will you enjoy eating steamboat?
A. Winter ( To Qn 2) B. Summer (To Qn 5)
C. No matter what season (To Qn 1)
1. Do you like to have some sauce on your food?
A. Like (To Qn 2)
B. Don't like (To Qn 5)
2.. Will you add eggs in your steamboat soup?
A. Yes (To Qn 3)
B. No (To Qn 6)
3. If you find a cigaratte butt in ur steamboat food, what will you do?
A. Quarrel with the boss and request another new one. (To Qn 13)
B. Stop eating and just pay and go. (To Qn 10)

4. What is the main point ypu will consider for choosing a steamboat restaurant?
A. Famous ( To Qn 7)
B. Reasonable prices ( To Qn 8)

5. If the steamboat restaurant has a new product of steamboat, will you dare to try?
A. Yes ( To Qn 6)
B. No ( To Qn 8)
6. How many people do you like to have your steamboat meal with?
A. 2-3 soulmates ( To Qn 9)
B. A big group of friends ( To Qn 3)
7. If the steamboat restaurant is very crowded, will you wait for a seat or go to another place?
A. Wait ( To Qn 11)
B. Proceed to another one ( To Qn 12)

8. What kind of food you like to add?
A. Noodle ( To Qn 9)
B. Vermicilli "Tang hoon" ( To Qn 7)

9. Will you drink the soup first or finish all the ingredients in the bowl then drink the soup?
A. Drink the soup first ( To Qn 10)
B. Eat the ingredients first ( To Qn 12)
10. If the boss tells you that you must add some SPECIAL and ODD ingredient in the soup to make it more delicious, will you dare to add?
A. Yes ( To Qn 17)
B. No ( To Qn 13)
11. Will you drink a cup of cooling water after you finish this steamy hot meal?
A. Yes ( To Qn 15)
B. No ( To Qn 14)
12. When you are having your steamboat, do you put in your meat first or put in later?
A. Put it once the steamboat start ( To Qn 15)
B. Later part then put ( To Qn 11)
13. Do you like to put all types of food at one go into the steamboat or have it put in one type by one type?
A. All ( To Qn 17)
B. One type at a time ( To Qn 16)
14. What drink will you like to go with your meal?
A. Oolong Tea ( To Qn 16)
B. Plum juice ( Type A)
15. Do you like to have steamboat at home or outside?
A. Home ( To Qn 16)
B. Outside ( To Qn 14)
16. Will you mind if another customer is standing behind you, waiting for you while you are finishing your food?
A. Mind ( Type B)
B. Don't mind ( Type C)
17. You are already very full with your meal but the boss offer to let you have another steamboat meal, will you eat it?
A. Yes (Type D)
B. No ( To Qn 16)

RESULTS....
TYPE A
Shy, a bit of an introvert. You are more stubborn and like to stay alone quietly at home. To you, talking to strangers is a hard thing so you have not much friends. But you will still have some soulmates. You need to treasure people who care and love you. You are more interested in your own matters, you will try your very best to achieve your target. But you can't do everything alone, and just depend on yourself, learn to open up and accept other opinions. Try to get along with different people.

TYPE B (apparently i'm type B. LOL)
You are a more active person, drawing a clear line between happiness and unhappiness. You are more quick-tempered. If you encounter things you like, you will do it without second thought. But once you encounter things that you hate, you will wish to get out of it as soon as possible. As you are a person of your own views, the friends you tend to have will be of the same pattern. But once good friends, you will understand them a lot and go all the way to help then. Friends are very dependent on you. As you are too emotional, you may make a storm out of a teacup with your friends. You must learn to do things in order and not give up easily. You can try making friends with those you don't think you can get along with, don't stick with the same category. This will make you more popular and charming.

TYPE C
Gentle like a lamb. You have a high level of adaptance power, easy to get along with people. Very popular in social life but seems that no one will talk bad about you. You hate to have conflicts with people so you
always try to adapt to everyone. You treat every person differently. To look at the bright side, you adapt easily. But to look at the dark side, you lack of character, although you are one big nice guy but you lack of charm. On the surface, you have a lot of friends but once you have troubles, you lack of soulmates to help you around. You must try to express yourself more and be more decisive. In this way, you can understand yourself more.
TYPE D
You are stubborn, like to go in circles and don't get to the point. Once you decide on something, no one can change your mind. You are a good leader in a group so you win a lot of trust from your friends. But as you
are too persistant on your own thinking, you neglect other people's suggestions therefore you can easily make enemies. Although it is good to maintain your own character but it doesn't mean you totally ignore other people's thoughts and feelings. You will let people think you are hard to handle and you will lose friends gradually and may end up alone. You need to learn to accept other people's opinion. This will make your social circle bigger and you will understand yourself better

2009-03-30T06:28:00.000-07:00

my day today?

besides having a bad time in school..
i have a VERY bad headache.

it's like the red indians decided to come and have a slumber party in my head..
and they are dancing till there's no tomorrow..
the "beating of drums"

or big GIANT having the time of his life..
stomping his feet,
probably throwing a tantrum.

and this sick feeling is all coming back to me now,
i don't have the slightest idea why it happens..
i don't like it..
why can't you just leave me alone and back to where you belong to,
back to hell?

this is...
painful.

*on another note:
sometimes we are never satisfied with what we have in front of us till it's gone huh?
never satisfied, never contented.

i feel really dry inside.

arghh

love every word written. xD

2009-03-30T06:25:00.001-07:00

This is a master piece. If you have not read it take the time to read it now. If you have read it take time to read it again!

GEORGE CARLIN (He recently died)

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.
Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. xD

George Carlin

2009-03-11T02:41:00.000-07:00

Nothing much to do.
was so sick of doing anything at all, happened to blog-hop and found this...
pretty funny. haha

The Eating Quiz

Here is the analysis:
You've made your way well in this world despite all the obstacles you've had to faced. You have survived a lot more troubles than most people. You have had to deal with difficult people, ridiculous rules, and tempestuous relationships.

Love for you can be as intense as the fire on the face of the sun. You are either very calm on the inside when there is a lot of insanity going on around you, or you shut people up and take charge. You can go to a movie by yourself. You are as comfortable alone as you are with others. You are angry at your parents but you can't change them.

You are a great lover when you find that rare mate who is your equal, otherwise your relationships do not go well. Life is a roller coaster, and you are finding ways to make the good times better. You love sports.

The most important thing in your life is a well-developed mind.
The type of friends that you want is understanding and sensible.

The Personality Test

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Here is the analysis:
You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

Here is the analysis:
Kind and Gentle
Your kindness is your charm - you are also gentle and sweet. Everybody likes to be around people with your personality. Like a psychologist, people like to talk to you to discuss their problems because you are proper and discrete, as well as confident. You look mature and people respect you. People with this kind of character are few and far between.

Suk Wai, get up. never stumble, never fall and most of all never give up! you can do it! oooshh xD

life is a cabaret

2009-03-05T03:48:00.000-08:00

i just realize my recent posts sounded so pathetic.
i don't know why.
maybe that's the inner me slowly revealing its truest potentials. haha
sweat.

many things had happened over the past few days, which i failed to recall any of it.
all i remember, yesterday was really fantastic.
for the first time in my life, i witnessed a 'kebakaran', a fire burning i reckon? hahah
i was so excited that it was as if i was in the movie, being a good citizen dialled the number 999 reporting what i seen. i mean the babi was conversing with the police and i was busy recording. just so funny.
but all i could say, Polis Diraja Malaysia is really hopeless. useless. all the less in the world.
no fire brigade came to pour out the fire. not even a bangkai there. real bangsat. bengang only mentioned them. bengong betoi.

and today, well i don't really know what happened to me.
suddenly the world is spinning too fast before my eyes.
i wanted to go home so badly, but as usual couldn't even reach my mum's handphone.
i really don't wanna make myself sounded so pathetic, but i coudn't stop myself.
no matter how emotionless i make myself seems to be,
the soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears
i'm only a human you see, i have feelings.
i just don't like that sudden feeling where i'll be thinking,
"Where are you when i need you the most? Where?"
that sort of nonsensical question.
it's funny that one minute i'll be so hyper and the next second you'll be seeing me feeling so pathetic.
today i'll be so optimistic, the next day my mind will be filled with all the negative thoughts, being so pessimistive.
i can be so angelic, yea so called 'angelic' and the next thing i know, i've changed my mask becoming a real demon.
isn't it funny everyone of us ought to have split personalities, we ought to have two sides?
it's just the matter of whether the good one's or the bad one's gets the better out of you.

and i don't know. i'm being wrapped up in feelings of guilt for what i said and how i reacted earlier. i didn't mean to shout at you, making faces. but it just that when you are already so down, totally out of mood, all you ever wanted is someone to ask "Are you feeling better?" but instead, someone came to you and annoyed you. how would you feel?

life is like a blanket too short. you pull it up and your toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your shoulder; but cheerful folks manage to draw their knees up and pass a very comfortable night. ooosh!

fuhgeddaboudit!

2009-03-01T04:14:00.000-08:00

just came back from the formation team weekend.
it was great having to meet all the rest again.
human's rights.
haha. funny
my mind is disturbed.
i did not even know why i allowed myself to do it, but i did it.
i did not know what's on my mind,
but all i know i made another mistake yet again.
shouldn't have done it. shouldn't be that way. shouldn't be too carried away.
but well, take it as an exposure and to remind myself never allow myself to commit the same mistake again.
that should be fine.
suddenly i feel that it is as if i have betrayed myself. LOL
suddenly i feel i did something really terrible behind my mum's back
suddenly i feel i've sinned.
hahaha
what a funny statement.
maybe i need to embrace romance in its every incarnation.

and as i woke up, mum came to me and said she'll be leaving to Sabah in a month or so.. most probably somewhere in late April.
why must it be that everytime when i am up to something important the next day, she would come telling me all these nonsense?
why must she choose to tell me today?
why must she made me feeling this blue out of a sudden?
i've been trying so hard to focus, having that ohm to finally at least study a lil'.. but now..
my studying mode is off completely.
i don't even know what i'm feeling right now.
i showed no expression, but deep inside it's hurting.
i just don't know how to show it.
maybe got too used to it that somehow i got numbed everytime i'm faced with adversitites.
what's the point of giving me so much of money when you know that's not what i want?
what's the point of asking me to take care of myself when you know that's not what i want to hear?
what's the point of telling me you'll be coming back early when you leave me all alone at home?
what's the point of trying to tell you how i feel when i know i'll put you in a dilemma?
what's the point of telling others about how you feel when all they can do is being the best counselor telling you the best thing in the world, when in fact it makes no difference whether to say it out loud or not? it doesn't help to ease the pain a lil'
when all i want in the world is to escape from this bloody earth and escape to another planet, knowing i have nothing to worry about?
see nothing, hear nothing, speak nothing.
i don't know what i want right now,
i don't know what i should be doing right now though i know exactly i should be studying now.
why waste your time reading when you don't understand?
the only people i can rely to right now is just Him, i realize.
He'll show me the way, hopefully.
get rid of this miserable feeling i'm having once more.
get rid of this gastric pain i'm having, enough of heartache..
#)*@&$^#@%$@&)*$^@*#
*praying hard

2009-02-24T04:39:00.000-08:00

oh God,
temptation fills me in, unwilling to turn and run
fantasy is over
back to reality la oiiiii!
i hate how you make me feel.
i hate how you stir up my mind like a red devil
please give me strength to fight against my unconscious mind
in the heat of passion, we need more than just knowledge
please give me wisdom to think what's best for me and the person involved
i know what i'm suppose to do, but when the desire kicks in, doing what's right isn't easy
please touch my heart, purifies my heart and make me realize that what i'm doing is wrong
i'm being put in a situation where i'm like carrying a current intended to light a fire
i don't want to open the matchbox
i don't want to get myself distracted, but it's hard
i want to concentrate in my studies alone for just a week
maybe not a week, 4 days to be precise
OMG
there's no other person i could turn to except for You, my Lord.
please guard my heart.
uwaaaaaa
hahaha

2009-02-23T00:35:00.000-08:00

OMG OMG.

finally i get the chance to sit down and type this out. but as i typed, i feel guilty..

i don't know. but i just love the rain. like really really LOVE the rain.
i feel that it washes my hearts and souls as it does to our lands and skies.
i feel calm and at peace.
some would say that rain is depressing.
only stupid people will love the rain.
but i see it as quite the opposite.
rain is a gift from God and without it life is just not complete.
it promises us a prettier tomorrow.
it's like giving you hope,
a better tomorrow and things like that.
well, i don't know how to phrase it.
all i can say, you'll see sunshine after the rain.
you'll see rainbow after the rain.
only fools hate rain.
only fools don't play under the rain.
they don't appreciate god's gift.
they don't know how to harmonize with the mother's nature.
how to say..
it's like if you want to make beautiful music,
you must play the black and the white notes together.
likewise,
if you want to enjoy life,
you must make harmonize with God's gifts.
wahahaha.
i don't know what i'm talking

when it started to pour yesterday,
i felt so happy that finally we will get some overdue rain.
it is finally happening.
i was so excited that i wanted to play right at that moment.
i wanted to stay out to feel the rain,
experience it and savor this memory for the next time it rains
and you know what. i did it again! wohoooo
this time, i wasn't alone.
the feeling is just so awesome.
AWESOME!
i smell that familiar scent of the rain
and i taste salty water when rain drops land on my face
i wanted to sleep on the ground, feel the soil
i feel the rain
i smile from my heart and it lingers on my face
well, maybe i am exaggerating it
but that's how i feel. LOL
it's just so fantastic that i don't know how to describe it
having your loved ones to sing you love song under the rain
having your loved ones to hold you tight under the rain
suddenly i see the world,
is just you and i against the world.
i don't see anyone else, and could care less. HAHA
you feel cold, but you feel so warm inside..
waaaaaahahhahahahahahaha.
enough said.
i got too carried away already.
i know.
but good thing, my conscious mind filled my mind so much that it overcomes my unconscious mind.
heck, forget my last sentence.
yehaaaaa.
puuuut
thanks for making it into a reality one =)
and nek, i'm really sorry. it's never my intention to make you feel it or what, but i seriously don't know you were thinking of wanting to play under the rain. it makes hell lotsa sense now that, it's no wonder nenek borek cucu pun rintik. HAHAHAHAHAHA

2009-02-20T07:28:00.001-08:00

hmmm.
i don't think i'm okay, but i don't know what it is.
i don't know why.
it's not because of today..
it's a sudden feeling reigns in me which makes me feel blue out of a sudden.
i have a lot of friends, yes. tonnes of great friends.
but when i emo, i couldn't help it but to think..
how i wish during my darkest hour, there's an angel popped out in front of me asking if i'm okay
this angel will be there to wipe away my tears, comforting me saying everything will be okay..
i hate it most when i'm being too sensitive.
it's always best to know less..
please let me be dumb in this case.
i don't need any surprise or anything at all..
all i need is someone.. just someone to be there for me.
maybe the sense of loneliness overcome the usual me so much that i lost myself.
i don't like being put in a situation where today i'm feeling sick, but tomorrow i'll be so happy.
i don't feel like doing anything at all.
maybe i need a rest. haha
maybe i just need to cry it all out.
i'm gonna be okay, i know i will..
only that it's difficult for me to go through it now
i hate what i'm feeling now.
dear lord, please give me strength.
i want my old self back!

2009-02-20T00:26:00.000-08:00

wow.
i couldn't stop smiling before the clock even strikes 12.
10 minutes before 12, i received a phone call from Caryn. she wasn't even saying hello.. she sang me a birthday song, how sweet is that?
i was on cloud nine already. she's just superb. i'm not saying this just because she remembered my birthday, but she has been such a great friend to me all these years.
later was bombarded with hell lotsa birthday wishes.
suddenly i feel.. wow, although i hardly have time for my old friends now, but i'm stil being remembered and cared by so many people. at one point, i even thank god for giving me such a beautiful life xD
even those people i never expected them to stay wide awake at 12am sharp just to wish me on my birthday. i feel really blessed.
even in school, wherever i go, people came to me and say happy birthday.
i feel like a superstar for a day suddenly.
and ai yean came all the way back to school just for me.. she made me go speechless. i really appreciate that.
everyday is just the same for me actually..
maybe i'll continue later.
so far today has been a great day for myself.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm pretty disappointed.. i don't know why i even feel it this way, but i'm rather sad right now actually.
it's not that because my family they forgotten my birthday, in fact they wished me in a funny way. LOL
what a big deal anyway?
but what i want is to actually spend more time with them,
whether if it's just for today or any other day.
ever since young, i always wanted much attention from them.
i wished they could spend more time at home, as simple as that.
is it too much to ask for?
it's really funny to say this, but i have to admit.
i don't receive sufficient love from my parents ever since young though i know i shouldn't have asked more.
should i put the word desperate to describe myself?
i'm desperate for love to be precise. haha.
how i wished my dad is still here though he's a real bastard?
how i wished my sister ain't in japan, but staying with us?
how i wished my mum don't always sweat over small stuff?
how i wished my brother stop wasting his life, allowing precious time to pass him by?
how i wished every time i'm back home, i'll see all of them?
how i wished i have a father, a mother living happily ever after?
how i wished that day didn't even exist?
how i wished...
every time i think about it, it brought tears.
not tears of happiness, but tears of sorrow.
if only you know how much you hurt us the day you decided to leave us?
if only you cared about us anymore?
sometimes, i do wonder..
what will happen today if dad decided not to cheat on mum?
what will happen today if mum decided not to be cheated by dad?
what will happen today, to us?
will we be who we are today?
will we be where we are now?
if it's not because of him, mum wouldn't have to suffer so much.
if it's not because of him, my sister wouldn't even have to carry this burden on behalf of him.
if it's not because of him, my brother wouldn't be wasting his time still waiting.
if it's not because of him, i would have pursued the course that i wanted.
we wouldn't be stucked here still.
but...
if it's not because of him, i wouldn't know the value of a family
if it's not because of him, i would have still be the selfish me thinking that i always get what i want.
if it's not because of him, i wouldn't know how to appreciate people around me, and would have taken them for granted. how fragile it can be, they can disappeared within a second.
if it's not because of him, i wouldn't be who i am today, being such a monkie.
omg. i shouldn't be thinking too much right now.
it makes me cry.
the only thing i'm really happy about right now, despite all the sick feeling i'm having is that god answered my prayers.
He knows how much i love the rain.
and i thank you for pouring it all now.
rain as heavily as you can please.
please wash away my tears, my sanity.
allow me to be insane. LOL