The Most Sexy People

Lindsay Lohan ready to leave rehab soon

2007-11-21T12:06:00.049-08:00

Not sure if you guys remember this chick, but Lindsay Lohan's rehab stint is just about over. Granted there've been rumors of her doing coke and having sex with guys in the bathroom while at the Cirque Lodge facility, close friends (that's code for Ã¢â‚¬Å“publicistÃ¢â‚¬Â) are saying she's cleaned up and ready to come out. However Lindsay's mom Dina Lohan is trying to deny Lindsay's departure, according to the NY Daily News:

A pal tells the Daily News the tamed wild child could be out as early as this weekend but her mom, Dina Lohan, is trying to put the kibosh on that rumor.
"Access Hollywood" is reporting that show host and Dina Lohan pal Billy Bush e-mailed her asking if LiLo is indeed getting out of the Cirque Lodge rehab center in Sundance, Utah.
Mama Lohan replied: "Not true, staying in Utah."

Lindsay really needs to get back to her career. I mean it's going so well. Her latest movie Ã¢â‚¬Å“I Know Who Killed MeÃ¢â‚¬Â pretty much went straight to video. That's good, right? People get to watch it right away instead of going to the movies. How awesome is that? And her singing career is just poised to take off. Lindsay's voice must be amazing from all those cigarettes. Nothing is more sexy then the sound of emphysema. So hot. Come on out, Lindsay, the world is your oyster!

Katie Holmes wears a nursing bra

2007-11-21T12:06:00.048-08:00

It's bad enough she's got her nursing bra showing and open, but look at the expression on Katie Holmes' face. You can almost hear her cries for help, like she's telephathically signalling the photographer to end her misery and bludgeon her with a crowbar. Or maybe she's just upset because she's wearing the same pants as my 55-year-old mom. As is her boyfriend.

Ashlee Simpson gets a new nose

2007-11-21T12:06:00.047-08:00

Ashlee Simpson performed at the Sunfest Concert over the weekend with her brand new nose. While most singers avoid nose work because it might interfere with their singing, Ashlee Simpson said pfft to that and went for it anyway, getting the small bump on her nose removed. Now all she needs is to paint herself orange, put on a wig, and hang weights off her nipples so she can challege Jessica for the title of sexiest orange Simpson ever. Although I think that might already belong to OJ.

Some more of Ashlee and her new nose after the jump.

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David Blaine is a failure

2007-11-21T12:06:00.046-08:00

If you didn't watch David Blaine's attempt to break the world record for holding his breath underwater yesterday, you didn't miss much. Mostly because he didn't. The current record is 8 minutes 58 seconds and Blaine claimed he would top it, but fell short and only managed 7:08 before divers had to jump in and rescue him. He'd been living in an underwater sphere for the past week and this was supposed to be his big finale.

On Sunday, six days after he'd submerged himself into the water-filled tank, Blaine told ABC News that life in a big fish bowl was starting to become "horrific in many, many ways. Every muscle doesn't just ache, it feels like a sharp, shooting pain--like a knife being stabbed."

Actually, other than that, Blaine's maladies included, per reports: atrophied muscles, an earache, skin rashes and a touch of liver damage. "I don't think it's permanent, but I've never felt this kind of pain in a stunt before."

7:08 is a pretty impressive number, but Blaine's "tricks" just aren't exciting anymore. Maybe for his next stunt he can crank things up a notch and try flying a rocketship into the sun. No twist, just fly into the sun and then disintegrate.

Kanye West sued for being poor

2007-11-21T12:06:00.045-08:00

Kanye West was sued last Friday for missing thousands of dollars of lease payments on a 2003 Mercedes G500. DaimerChrysler Financial Services filed the suit and is asking for $53,747 in damages along with accrued payments, interest and late fees.

The biggest mystery here is why Kanye West has to lease a car when he has roughly a bajillion dollars. With that kind of money he can just buy wherever he wants to go and have it shipped to his house. Well not really, but how cool would that be? Too cool for school, that's who. Wait. What?

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Jessica Simpson is a little desperate

2007-11-21T12:06:00.044-08:00

A family friend of Jessica Simpson has told Life & Style Weekly that jessica has been trying to look hot lately to get back at Nick Lachey and let him know she's still looking good. The sources says:

â€œJess decided on a complete transformation as a way of fighting back,â€ a â€œfamily friendâ€ told Life & Style Weekly. â€œSheâ€™s saying to Nick, â€˜Hereâ€™s a whole new me â€” and donâ€™t I look good!â€™ â€

If this is really Jessica Simpson's plan she's doing a terrible job. Unless she knows secrets about Nick Lachey that nobody else knows. Like maybe he really likes primates. Or his number one fantasy is doing it with a giant carrot. I mean hey, who hasn't been turned on by the occasional monkey or vegetable?

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Lindsay Lohan never changes

2007-11-21T12:06:00.043-08:00

Lindsay Lohan had a pretty spaced out interview with Matt Lauer on Monday where she looked exhausted and was sniffling her way through. Apparently it was because she was up the night before with some friends at her hotel, and was up so late she didn't even have a chance to change before doing the interview, as she was wearing the same clothes from the day before. You can check out the video here and the pictures of Lindsay from the day before here. I'd point out the tights, but it's pretty much impossible to miss them. She could be wearing a puppy for a hat and you'd still be staring at her legs, shaking your head in disapproval.

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Britney Spears has a mystery man

2007-11-21T12:06:00.042-08:00

Britney Spears was photographed recently with a strange new man holding her baby. I'm speculating she's either cheating with him or he's the new nanny. Although I'm leaning towards the adultery theory, since my understanding of nannies is based entirely on Hollywood stereotypes. And I'm about 70% sure he isn't a fat Mexican woman.

One more shot of Kevin Federline's new competition after the jump.

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Tara Reid is transforming

2007-11-21T12:06:00.041-08:00

This is supposedly Tara Reid, but I just can't see it. Besides looking like a completely different person, she's missing the signature Tara Reid signs. No drunken stumbling around the floor, no boobs flying out of her top, and no complete strangers with their hands on her ass. If she keeps this up she might actually become a functioning member of society as opposed to a living example parents use when warning their children about the dangers of drinking while pregnant.

Some more of Tara Reid not looking like Tara Reid after the jump.

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Britney Spears still trying to kill her baby

2007-11-21T12:06:00.040-08:00

Britney Spears is up to her crazy baby-killing antics again, and has been photographed with an improperly installed child safety seat facing forward instead of backwards.

"It's far safer if the seat is facing backwards to avoid head-on injuries and whiplash in case of a collision," said California Highway Patrol spokesman Tom Marshall. Spears, 24, "could be" cited for violating Section 27360 of the California Vehicle Code, which says child safety seats must be installed to comply with the federal standard. "We would have to witness the violation. We can't issue a citation from a photograph," Marshall said. "It's a bit of a gray area," he added, because state code doesn't specify the backward installation - a federal regulation does. Spears' rep did not return calls for comment yesterday. "We strongly urge anyone who is uncertain of how to install a car seat to come down to one of our headquarters and get help. We offer that service free of charge," said Marshall.

You'd think Britney Spears would have done a little research on how to raise a baby, but it really looks like she's just winging the whole thing. At this rate the baby will end up tied to the hood of the car with rope, taped to the door, and possibly just placed in the trunk. Because hey, people can't yell at you about your baby if they can't actually see it.

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Pete Doherty sprays his blood

2007-11-21T12:06:00.039-08:00

In an interview this week, Pete Doherty lived up to his 'stupid bastard' title and squirted a cameraman with a syringe filled with his own blood. The interview was being conducted with Doherty's band wihtout him, and halfway through he showed up with the syringe and squirted the camera with his blood.

Apparently pleased at his handiwork, the convicted drug addict said "that was a wicked shot, that's going to make a cracking link that is", before leaving the room. The rest of the group were not so impressed, however, McConnell apologising to MTV for his lead singer's behaviour, saying: "I think the interview is over my friend. I'm really sorry about that mate." The Sun also alleges that Doherty injected himself with heroin in full view of onlookers prior to the gig. A source told the newspaper: "He seemed to be injecting heroin and didn't care who saw him. "The camera guys were worried they might have picked something up from the blood."

Getting squirted with Pete Doherty's blood has to be the most frightening experience in the world. Second only to being exposed to Ebola or accidentally falling on a pile of Paris Hilton's underwear.

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Kate Hudson is very well endowed

2007-11-21T12:06:00.038-08:00

Kate Hudson went out for a stroll in New York City yesterday, but it looks like she's missing something. I can't quite put my finger on it. It's something I usually look for in a woman. Personality? No, that can't be it. In fact I'm pretty sure I just made that word up. It's almost like there should be two objects in her general chest vicinity. And, in an ideal world, those objects should almost suffocate Kate when she jogs. Man, what are those things called?

Britney Spears has a breakdown

2007-11-21T12:06:00.037-08:00

After Thursday's incident where Britney Spears almost dropped her baby and made a weird comment about owning a gun, she went into a restaurant with an unidentified friend and broke down into tears, trying to cover up her crying by shielding her face with Sean Preston. I'd feel bad for her, but crying doesn't make up for being a horrible parent. If the only way she'll own up to her mistakes is from pressure by the press then so be it. I can sympathize with Britney, but her happiness means nothing when compared to the well being of her child. Now cue some dramatic music and a shot of a guy looking somber.

Some more images of Britney crying after the jump. Make sure you note the outfit, because it's totally appropriate for a parent. And by parent I mean prostitute.

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The Superficial Ketchup

2007-11-21T12:06:00.036-08:00

â€¢ Madonna kicked off her new tour by crucifying herself on a giant mirrored cross and wearing a crown of thorns. The difference between Madonna and Jesus? When Jesus did it everybody in the world didn't want to punch him in the face.

â€¢ Michelle Rodriguez is heading back to jail after violating her probation. If the system really wants to keep people out maybe they should make the experience less like magical fairy camp and more like the hellish nightmare it's supposed to be.

â€¢ Die Hard 4 is coming, despite Bruce Willis being old, fat, and possibly in need of adult diapers.

â€¢ Nicole Ritchie and DJ AM allegedy broke up last week because of Nicole's weight problems. Although most guys usually break things off when their girlfriend no longer fits through the door, not because they're starting to look like models.

Geri Halliwell and Penn Jillette are idiots

2007-11-21T12:06:00.035-08:00

Geri Halliwell and Penn Jillette are apparently competing in an unofficial contest to see who can come up with the worse baby name. Jillette and his wife named their baby boy Zolten Penn Jillette, saying in a statement: "Zolten is a common Hungarian name, it's my wife's maiden name and most importantly, it's the name of Dracula's dog." Not to be outdone, Geri Halliwell announced that she named her daughter Bluebell Madonna Halliwell after a rare flower and, well, Madonna.

"But what really clinched it for me was my mother telling me that the bluebell is increasingly rare--so it's [a] precious flower, which seems just right for my daughter," Halliwell said. "As she came out of my tummy, Bluebell had both arms flung wide in the air as if announcing to the world, 'Hi! I'm here!' She was screaming her head off, as though she was shouting, 'Hello, Wembley!' No one else has that name, apart from the Virgin Madonna and the singer, whom I love."

They should make it a prerequisite for pregnancy that you not be stupid enough to name your child after Dracula's dog or some dumb flower. They take kids away for being abused by their parents, but being named Zolten or Bluebell has to be way worse than a smack across the face. There's pretty much zero chance of Bluebell going through life without adopting the nickname "Blue Balls." Just typing this post I almost typed "Blue Balls" by accident like eight times.

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Jessica Simpson regrets stuff

2007-11-21T12:06:00.034-08:00

Life & Style Weekly claims Jessica Simpson regrets breaking up with Nick Lachey and is "struggling with loneliness." Friends are pushing her to get back with Nick, and when she found out her TV pilot wouldn't be picked up she allegedly sent him an orchid and a basket of his favorite cookies.

â€œIâ€™m tired of being alone,â€ Simpson told a friend, according to the mag. â€œI have no one to come home to, no one to call at the end of the night. Iâ€™m traveling all over the place by myself. When I was with Nick, I had someone who understood what I was going through.â€ The divorce lawyers are close to finalizing a deal, but some close to Simpson say that she hopes theyâ€™ll reconcile before the split is a done deal. â€œIt would be explosive,â€ a â€œpalâ€ told the mag, â€œand theyâ€™re both attracted to fireworks.â€

I bet Jessica realized how hot she was on Newlyweds and jumped to the conclusion that Nick was the source of her sexy powers. It's stupid thinking, but who can blame her. Considering God gave her a walnut for a brain, it's a wonder she's not covered in burns from trying to shower in the oven.

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Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe divorcing

2007-11-21T12:06:00.033-08:00

Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe announced in January they were separating but had hopes of working through their troubles. Well apparently they've given up on that and have decided to just go ahead and divorce. Their lawyer tells People magazine:

"Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe have jointly decided to divorce," the couple's lawyer, Jeffrey A. Bernstein, tells PEOPLE. "They continue to be friends and have the utmost respect for one another."

If you're anything like me you probably already thought they were divorced. Up until a couple hours ago I didn't even know there was a difference between separating and divorcing and have been using the words interchangeably. So, uh, if I made any wild allegations before about people being divorced who aren't actually divorced that's my bad.

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Gwen Stefani gives birth to Kingston James McGregor Rossdale

2007-11-21T12:06:00.032-08:00

Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale gave birth to their first child together last Friday at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles, naming him Kingston James McGregor Rossdale. Her rep said over the weekend: "Gwen's doing great! She looks amazing and she's doing real good."

After other celebrities have gone with Zolten, Bluebell Madonna, and Shiloh, Kingston James McGregor Rossdale actually sounds like a really solid name. Although it's a shame they didn't keep up the tradition of celebrity baby naming and call him something like Hagar the Horrible.

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Anna Nicole Smith still might be pregnant

2007-11-21T12:06:00.031-08:00

Despite her lawyer's denial that she's not pregnant, Anna Nicole Smith was spotted at Los Angeles baby boutique Petit Tresor and a source says: "She and a female friend were looking at mostly pink onesies, pajamas and blankets. The kind of things you get when you first find out." Additionally, Smith allegedly looked "very pregnant" during a recent visit to Myrtle Beach where she's said to have rented a beachfront home.

"She was trying to conceal her stomach," says the source. "[But] there was no doubt!" Also in Myrtle Beach, according to the tipster, is Birkhead. His mere presence would put the lie to reports that he's going to make money and/or custody demands on Anna. But Birkhead has denied he's the father of the denied baby. So, unless those denials are denied, nobody should have a problem.

I'm really hoping Anna Nicole Smith isn't pregnant. Sure, she might inherit a bazillion dollars from the old dead guy she was humping, but all the money in the world can't save an infant from being accidentally stuffed into the toaster because it resembled a giant loaf of cheese bread.

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Anna Nicole Smith confirms pregnancy

2007-11-21T12:06:00.030-08:00

Anna Nicole Smith has confirmed on her official site that she is indeed pregnant. She says in her first video diary entry:

"Well, let me stop all the rumors. Yes. I am pregnant. I'm happy, I'm very, very happy about it. Things are goin' really, really good, and I'll be checking in and out periodically on the Web, and I'll let you see me as I'm growing."

I don't know if it's because she's pregnant or what, but Anna Nicole Smith actually sounds coherent here. I'm assuming this was take twelve or something, and in the first eleven takes she pulled off her top, screamed out TrimSpa, and tried to eat the camera because she had the munchies.

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Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are paranoid

2007-11-21T12:06:00.029-08:00

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are so worried about the paparazzi that they're staging their June 25 Sydney, Australia wedding at sunset so it'll be nearly impossible for photographers to get overhead helicopter shots that are decent and marketable.

It's a good idea, but I doubt anybody cares enough about either of these two to go through the trouble. I can't remember the last movie Nicole Kidman's been in and I've never known who Keith Urban is. It'd be like telling me there's no way I can get shots of Screech's wedding. Yeah. Great. Real shame. I'll console my sorrow in ice cream. Although I am curious as to why Nicole is marrying somebody even shorter than Tom Cruise. Maybe she's trying to live out her childhood dream of one day marrying a Cabbage Patch Kid.

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Brandon Davis' grandma is a dirty liar

2007-11-21T12:06:00.028-08:00

The grandma of Brandon Davis - the guy who called Lindsay Lohan a firecrotch - is telling her friends that Brandon Davis is now dating Lindsay Lohan. At Kenny G's birthday party over the weekend she was overheard telling guests, "Brandon is dating Lindsay now!" A rep for Barbara confirmed her story and said that Brandon took Lindsay out to dinner last weekend, although a rep for Lohan denies everything, saying:

"It is unfortunate that Barbara Davis is desperate enough to make up a lie about Lindsay dating her grandson. Lindsay took the high road and accepted Brandon's apology last week, but they are not dating and they did not go to dinner together. Lindsay is dating several men who live overseas."

I'm not entirely sure replacing a small rumor she had dinner with some guy by telling everybody she's a whore is a good idea. "My client doesn't have dinner with billionaires! She's far too busy sleeping with multiple foreign men for that kind of nonsense. A slut. A slut she is!"

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Lindsay Lohan enjoys "powdering" her nose

2007-11-21T12:06:00.027-08:00

Lindsay Lohan annoyed Vogue editor Anna Wintour Monday night when she was a guest at Wintour's table for the CFDA awards by continuing to get up to use the bathroom to powder her nose, doing it six times in two hours.

During the last trip, Wintour leaned over and whispered to a Vogue staffer: "Tell her, if she gets up one more time, she will never be invited to one of my events again." Lohan's date, Karl Lagerfeld, was then told, "Karl, this is your guest, control her!" A rep for Wintour said, "Anna was definitely surprised at how busy Lindsay was, but she offered no threat."

I'm trying really hard not to make a cocaine reference, but powdering your nose every 20 minutes is excessive even for an egomaniac like Lindsay. By the end of the day it's just a half-inch layer of cake covering her nose. Which is probably the point, but if she wanted to save some time she could've just taped a sponge to her face.

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James Blunt has magic powers

2007-11-21T12:06:00.026-08:00

There were rumors that James Blunt and Petra Nemcova were getting it on, but those rumors have been turned into rock hard depressing fact after they were photographed together in Ibiza. It's this kind of nonsense that makes me want to quit my day job and write a hit single so supermodels will overlook my physical inadequacies and fall madly in love with me. And by "physical inadequacies" I mean a freakishly large penis and the chiseled good looks of a Greek God.

If you look at the last picture after the jump you'll see James Blunt looking like Petra's smaller, way less attractive brother. But he's not. He's her boyfriend. And that makes me want to smash myself in the head with a toaster.

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Mariah Carey thinks people want to look at her

2007-11-21T12:06:00.025-08:00

Mariah Carey is extremely serious about her bathroom privacy. She had a few too many drinks at VH1's Music Cares event and took her bodyguards to the bathroom. Here's what happened, according to NY Daily News:

Two women already there say her security tried to evict them, but they refused to leave. Says one: "One of the bodyguards said to us, 'If you're going to stay, you better not watch Mariah pee.'"

Wait, wait, let's repeat that one more time. Ã¢â‚¬Å“If you're going to stay, you better not watch Mariah pee.Ã¢â‚¬Â Hilarious! There's no way I can follow a line like that. I'm packing this one in. Bam, sealed, run it. That bodyguard should do stand up. He would kill. Who wants to see Mariah Carey pee? No, actually, don't answer that. I don't want to know how many of you are out there. I like to think I'm unique.

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