ماه شب اول

god

2008-10-20T17:14:00.000-07:00

b: khodafez
b: bye
b:salut
b: ciao
b: bonne nuit
b: shab beh kheir
Helaleh: yesterday something wierd happened
b: hahahahahaha
Helaleh: wait
b: to mesleh filmaieh alfred h. mimouni
Helaleh: i was standing in line in a place called applehill
Helaleh: with my mom
Helaleh: an african/indian crazy looking woman came close
Helaleh: smiling
Helaleh: she hugged me and touched my hair
Helaleh: and said God loves you
b: rast migeh
b: albatteh gheib nagofteh chon god loves anybody
b: vali in ieh signe eh khoshgel va ieh cadeau boudeh baraieh to.....
Helaleh: and i thought to myself,
b: manam in eteghad ro daram va hamisheh in hes ro az to gereftam
Helaleh: but i don't love him!.......................
b: oun aashegheh
b: cheh to doust dashteh bashi cheh nadashteh bashi cheh bekhai cheh nakhai, cheh bedouni cheh nadouni, ....
Helaleh: well,...
Helaleh: it was wierd
Helaleh: hala boro bekhab
b: tajrobeh kardam har vaght in nazaraamo bi pardeh migam zoud tamoumesh mikoni : )
b: to khodeto doust nadari na khoda ro.... fekr kon rajeh behesh...
b: shabet beh kheir MOUKHER
Helaleh: bye
Helaleh: i like moukher too
Helaleh: ok raje behesh fekr miknoam

Role Model

2008-08-04T15:47:00.000-07:00

My female generation has no role models. We get to do try and error and define our own paths. We started as we did not know what it takes or how hard it is. In the middle of the way we did not know if there is light at the end of the tunnel. We had to once again question everything, and do not take anything as a clear answer. Our mothers were devoted. But did not prepare us for what we were supposed to go through, to immigrate and live a fully independent life with completely different standards and applicable strategies. We had to find out for ourselves, whether it works or not. We are just the first generation doing it at a more dominant scale. Going out of the cave. We talk and laugh at our mistakes. And talk about the journey, the exploration.

What it took American and European female generation to go through in at least forty years, happened to us over night and it had to only take us a few years to adopt. From outside it looks like watching a movie in an accelerated mode. We had to learn it all and pretend we know where we are heading at until we do. But as it goes, it feels better and better, it‘s something you built up for yourself from scratch with no prototypes. It’s something rooted and original, something that only we could do.

And that all reminds me of Kamran Afshar Naderi and a groomy late afternoon, in his class of contemporary architecture critics, “Renzo Piano says, In design process, if you know already what the project will look like, the ultimate outcome, that is not worth designing, it’s only when you do not know where the process will end up at, that it’s worth going through the process.”

* One of the world's most unconventional architects, the architect of Sydney Opera House.

Those who ...

2008-08-03T15:30:00.000-07:00

I love the company of people who are not superficial. Who do not keep telling you that everything is absolutely wonderful and great! Who do not sugar wrap. Who are real. Who are not insecure and who are not afraid to be just like themselves, and describe things just as they are. Those who know better that this world is not a perfect place, that there is not such a thing as perfect. Who laugh at their problems in front of others. Who are not artificially and constantly making up an image. Who truly believe that this life is just too short to be any one other than this!

2008-07-24T15:06:00.000-07:00

Life means,…
One bird flew!
What are you missing?
There aren’t too few hopes,
Such as this sun,
The baby of the day after tomorrow,
Someone died last night,
But still wheat bread is good.

The Sunken Ship

2008-06-12T21:04:00.000-07:00

Today, she is totally confused. She feels like whatever step she is taking only makes whatever situation worse. She almost wants to run to the street, to the park to find an illiterate gypsy to tell her what to do. It feels like all she has learnt so far, all she has experienced do not seem to help her at all. She sits in the dark and thinks and stares at the monitor light. Her mind wanders from the project team, to friends, to family to her. Her mind resembles a cross section of an ocean. Filled with tidal waves on the surface. She tries to dive down. She knows there is a sunken ship on the floor of the ocean that is silent and motionless, that is not sailing anywhere anymore, that is stably anchored to the ground, that has found its peace and destiny and that is not prone to change or time. She stays in her solitude ship for a while knowing she has to let herself float back to the surface again. Where all the tidal waves are.

Fran

2008-05-23T15:26:00.000-07:00

Her name is Fran. Seventy year old. A very good friend of mine. She has been a well known marketer and project hunter for architectural companies throughout the State.
We go out after work sometimes and she tells me I remind her of when she was young. How she used to run in San Francisco streets with high heels and would leave her heels in Downtown streets holes. She still has the shine in her eyes. Never been married.
Today she tells me about the fiance she lost in Vietnam War. "He was a pilot but he never got back!" And the sparkle in her eyes gets doubled. But she doesn't cry. "I went wild after him. And could not commit. Did crazy things. Did drunk driving. Did para shooting. It didn't kill me, I don't know why. Friends keep telling me, "How could you live this long?"...

PS._ There is something between me and older women. There has always been.

2008-05-21T17:13:00.000-07:00

لیست آدمها

2008-05-19T19:52:00.000-07:00

این روزها آدمها لیست دارند. لیست آدمها. از شماره ۱ تا شماره ۳۰و ...بدون رعایت ترتیب حروف الفبا. آدمها با ترتیب لیستشان به هم زنگ می زنند. قرار می گذارند. دور هم جمع می شوند. هر چند وقت یکبار این لیست را بالا و پایین میکنند. به هم می ریزند. مثل برزدن ورقها در شروع بازی. گاهی بعضی شماره ها را حذف میکنند. گاهی اضافه می کنند. این لیست آدمها گاهی هر شماره اش یک لیست دارد. مثل شماره یک الف شماره یک ب. شماره یک پ....این لیست گاهی حد نصاب دارد. آدمی به لیستی اضافه می شود چون کس دیگری حذف شده. حذف می شود چون جا برای اضافه کردن کسی نیست. شماره آدمها در لیستهای مختلف فرق می کند. این می شود که خیلی وقتها دامنه مشترک اسامی در لیست آدمهای مختلف کافی نیست. طول این لیست معمولا رابطه مستقیم دارد با خوشحالی آدمها. گاهی لیست آدمها صفحه هایش گم می شود. جا می ماند. منقضی میشود. فراموش می شود. به هم می خورد. سر و ته می شود. لیست آدمها را می شود مدیریت کرد. می شود در کامپیوتر ذخیره کرد. به روز کرد. می شود گروه بندی کرد. جمع زد. تفریق کرد. می شود چاپش کرد. می شود با پونز به دیوار زد یا به در یخچال چسباند و هر وقت که از تاریخ گذشت به درون سطل بازیافت کاغذ پرتاب کرد.

Re-Orient

2008-05-11T13:50:00.000-07:00

Today, Sunday, life is as good as omelette with orange juice. And it's the first time I'm enjoying decluttering my home. Without having the biggest guilt feeling of me wasting my time. Today I want to slow down, and know what I am running so hard for! And if all of that is worth my peace of mind. And make sure life does not pass by too fast that precious moments get lost on the go. Today I'm just trying to act like myself, and not per the corporate designed life plan at a public scale. And sip my fine espresso trying to smell it first instead of making it a single gulp! Today I will try to practice that speed sometimes sacrifices quality. And that sometimes you need to stop and reorient yourself.

2008-05-05T20:56:00.000-07:00

بهش که زنگ می زنم میگه هلاله دیر زنگ زدی وقت ندارم... ولی بیا. کار تو راه میندازم
میره بیرون. تند و تند سیگار می کشه. میگه: یا بیرون تو افتاب رنگشو ببین! کنار فویلو میزنه کنار می گه: خوبه؟ میگم اره. میگه: روشن تر نمی خواهی؟ میگم نه. نگاهم میکنه .میگه: با امریکایی ازدواج نکن. میگم: باشه! می گه: همیشه ته دلت یه چیزی خالیه! هر چقدر هم می گذره اون چیزی که خالیه بزرگتر میشه
معمولا موزیک باخ گوش می ده. نگاهم از کنار اینه می افته به یک عکس. عکس فریدون فروغی. می دونم برادرش بوده. می گه: من کوپهام معمولیه. رنگهام اما نه. میدونم. قلمو را که در رنگ میزنه انگار که داره روی سر ادمها نقاشی می کنه
این بار که زنگ می زنم خانمی با لهجه افغانی گوشی را برمیداره. میگم می خوام با فروغ صحبت کنم می گه: اااااااااا...... فروغ مریضه. حالش خوب نیست. مثل اینکه سرطانه. تا تصمیم گرفت بازنشست بشه استراحت کنه این جوری شد

به خونه اش زنگ می زنم. اقایی با لهجه کاملا امریکایی گوشی را بر می داره. می پرسم:سوزی کجاست؟ می گه سوزی با بچه هاش رفته هاوایی. که اون جا استراحت کنه

In the End

2008-04-29T22:04:00.000-07:00

These days some are starting to invest in senior living centers. Simply because people live longer, kids become less loyal!

In one of the meetings of a senior housing project, one of the managers of these centers who has been hired as a consultant for this project looks at me and says, "Try to come up with as much as entertainment spaces as possible, such as bars, bowling, movie theaters, coffee shops" and continues, "If you don't, their kids and family won't come and visit them."
I look down to hide my wondering eyes and scribble something on my notepad.
He emphasizes, "No, I mean it! They won't!".

I tell myself, in my culture you don't put your parents in a warehouse just because they are old!

Strength

2008-04-29T21:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you feel weak, not because you are weak, but just because the routes that you pick are not the easy ones.

Rules

2008-04-27T02:03:00.000-07:00

They say belly dancing has one thousand rules. But they also say a professional belly dancer is the one who breaks all the rules and just goes by the moment.

Anniversary

2008-01-15T17:53:00.000-08:00

January 10th, it became the total of six years I'm staying here in America. I tell my Amercian friends that I need to celebrate. They say, oh, you should!!!! They think I celebrate becasue I think I am privileged to live here for six years, I think I celebrate because I survived!!!!!!!!!!!! .....

O'ma

2007-11-18T20:24:00.000-08:00

Last night, as I was putting some eye shadow on to go to a birthday party, I get this call, O'ma is sick, she is in I.C.U., she might not survive the night! ...
I go and see her, she smiles, the first thing she asks, how is your mom? I say she is good, we talked this morning. I look at her. There are all kinds of needles poked into her skin.
The first grand kid was born in Vienna. He called her O'ma, which means grandmother in German and following him all the rest of the grandchildren, but now he does not speak a word of German. He has forgotten.
She says please put my plants on auto sprinkler. I'm afraid they die. Some need more, water them more frequently by hand. She is worried about that orange tree along with her favorite pomegranate. Everyone knows how she loves her plants. She has a green thumb too. She can make almost anything grow green.
She says you loved pepsi when you were a baby, you would follow me everywhere saying O'ma, biz biz! Her house is a photo gallery of my mom's childhood, my parents wedding, my photo with funky permed hair when I was thirteen and my aunt when she looked like a model, Ali when he was in diapers, my grandfather when he was young .... Her dining table is where my democrat aunt argues with my republican uncle over many colorful and authentic Persian dishes.
She makes the most beautiful 7seens full of Sombols and I always rush to her house to get my last minute red fish and sabzeh one hour before new year's...I'm thinking I want my mother to see her one more time, one more Eid.

The doctor steps in, he says she is more stable now, and the only thing that can help her right now is that her family gets some sleep, assign one person to stay with her and go home and take some rest.

نماینده مردم

2007-11-13T20:00:00.000-08:00

بسیار با این گفته ابراهیم نبوی موافقم که: اینکه رییس جمهور کشوری -احمدی نژاد- نماینده واقعی ملتی باشد فضیلتی محسوب نمیشود. چرا که جرج بوش هم بسیار به مردم آمریکا شبیه تر است تا کلینتون
یادمه کانال فاکس نیوز بلافاصله بعد از اعلام نتایج آخرین دوره ریاست جمهوری با فرماندار نبراسکا مصاحبه کرد و از او پرسید فکر می کنید چرا جرج بوش برنده شد؟ او هم جواب داد
چون جرج بوش آدمیه که مردم فکر می کنند می توانند بشینند با او آبجو بخورند و فوتبال تماشا کنند
احساس کردم تا آن زمان مردم آمریکا را نمی شناخته ام

god bless america!

2007-11-13T13:53:00.000-08:00

You wanna break up with your girl friend do it on the radio, dial 1-800-good bye! jack fm radio, do it now!

What da hell! This is a radio ad. They want more listeners, regardless! Oh, you haven't heard from him, Just listen to your local radio! or watch tv, bcb will reveal it all! after news 11. :), crazy world! This is human feelings we are talking about. And I tell you there is enough people to do that, because they think it's cool! and they give the audience some U.S. instant gratification! while driving their mega size chevy which is almost as big as a bedroom thinking they own the road! Spreading public/personal insensitivity or what!...
And why not boyfriend, because girls know better?

Now it's, Stop by at your local Raley’s and Belair, blah blah....... Just like that! They can even merge these two, and say "Break up and stop by at Raley's, get some fresh discounted orange juice 2 for $3.99!" Make it a whole festive evening! -Who cares if we are killing people in eyeran/eyeraq, whatever!

In America ads speak a thousand words! "Great cheese comes from happy cow, happy cow comes from California" got into a lawsuit by these animal advocate organizations saying, How do you know if the cow is happy! You can not speak for a cow! In a country who is getting ready to attack the third country in four years! ...why doesn't that bring about much sensitivity?

PS._ I made up the 1-800-good-bye because I could not remember the exact number!

Lifestyle

2007-11-11T11:41:00.000-08:00

Why when you are single and you live by yourself you always run out of clean mugs and knives no matter how many you have?...

got persian blues?

2007-11-06T21:46:00.000-08:00

Saturday night, Rana Farhan had a concert in San Francisco singing Rumi poems in American Jazz and Blues for the 800th birthday of Molana. I have to admit it was the first time I enjoyed jazz! I remember when I last went to a live jazz performance I was ordering sushi over and over because I was bored, discussing the details of their sushi ingredients while the show was on! and giggling with my old classmates in between. But Rana's was different. Quite enchanting! She has the kind of voice that can make your soul fly and also she has done a very smart job incorporating Rumi poems into American jazz. Listen to some of her music by clicking at the title, also you can visit http://www.ranafarhan.com/

گه می افتد از این سو
گه می افتد از آن سو
وان کس که مست گردد
خود این بود نشانش

چندین هزاران سال شد
تا من به گفتار آمدم
It took several thousand years
till I came to words!

چون مصلحت اندیشی دور است ز درویشی
هم سینه پر از آتش هم دیده پر از آب اولی
since conservativeness is away from spirituality
better be heart full of fire, eye full of water!

سهراب

2007-11-05T22:25:00.000-08:00

سهراب چنان می گفت اهل کاشانم من. روزگارم بد نیست که من همیشه فرض می کردم تمام عمرش در کاشان یا تهران زندگی کرده است. بعد از مهاجرتم هر وقت می خواندم

هر كجا هستم ، باشم،آسمان مال من است

پنجره، فكر ، هوا ، عشق ، زمين مال من است

چه اهميت داردگاه اگر مي رويندقارچهاي غربت؟

فکر میکردم که سهراب نابغه است که انقدر خوب می تواند حس غربت را درک کند بدون اینکه آن را تجربه کرده باشد. تا اینکه یکروز به متن نامه های سهراب به احمدرضا احمدی برخوردم در طی سالهایی که سهراب در منهتان نیویورک زندگی میکرده است. در این نامه ها مینویسد که اگر شستن ظرفها و تمیزی خانه و آشپزی و خرید و مرتب کردن لباسها و...و....و.....به او مجالی بدهد شعر می گوید یا نقاشی می کند! بعد فهمیدم که او چندین سال هم در ژاپن زندگی می کرده است. در آنجا نقاشی می کرده و اشعار ژاپنی را ترجمه می کرده است. تاثیر هنر ژاپن در آثار سهراب به خوبی حس می شود. عناصر طبیعت در الهام بخشی به هنر ژاپنی نقش به سزایی دارند. تا جایی که معماری ژاپنی با ارتباط بین فضاهای داخلی و طبیعت بیرون تعریف می شود. نمونه اش درهای بزرگ کشویی هستند که مثل دیوارهای متحرک عمل می کنند و می توانند فاصله بین فضای داخل و طبیعت بیرون را به صفر برسانند. این تصویرسازی ها از طبیعت در اشعار سهراب گاه محور اصلی است. مثل شعر صدای پای آب. او با عناصر طبیعت ارتباط پیدا می کند تا احساسات درونیش را ابراز کند. همین طور پایه مینی مالیستی هنر ژاپنی که مثلا در نقاشیهای آبرنگ با چند حرکت قلمو تصویر یک گل یا درخت تکمیل می شود. مثل حرکتهای ظریف و دقیق سامورایی که در آن کار باید با یک ضربه تمام شود. نه بیشتر. سهراب توضیح واضحات نمی دهد و بدون طول و تفصیل که یکی از گرایشات فرهنگ ایرانی است میرود سر اصل مطلب. اشاره ای می کند و بقیه را به دست هوش و تخیل مخاطبش رها میکند.

..شاید سهراب اگر تمام عمرش در کاشان یا تهران زندگی کرده بود سهراب نبود

پ.ن. عکس بالا دست نوشته سهراب - متعلق به سایت سهراب سپهری دات کام.

I've got to go tonight.

Tonight I've got to take the suitcase

that only has room for my solitude shirt

and go

towards where the legendary trees appear,

towards the wordless extent

that always calls me

someone called again,

Sohrab!

Where are my shoes?...

PS._my 2 am translation

2007-11-02T19:32:00.000-07:00

خاله ام بچه بوده که از ایران اومده بیرون. پونزده سالش بوده. میگه من نمیدونم که ایرونیها چی می گن! ... بابام که مرده بود همه میومدن جلو می گفتن غم آخرتون باشه! منظورشون چیه؟‌ یعنی نفر بعدی که می میره من باشم؟ می گم:‌ نه خاله!... تعارفه. تعارف ایرونیه! به معنی اش فکر نکنین

no subject

2007-11-02T16:30:00.000-07:00

he sips his drink and says, there are not too many beautiful, intelligent and humble girls out there! ...
an hour later he says it's all about the challenge, you know, to make it interesting! and she thinks to herself how one can challenge in a humble way?! ...

Yogis

2007-10-28T13:52:00.000-07:00

Tonight I'm going to a Halloween party. I'm going to wear the only costume that I own, the Flamenco Dancer's which my mom has made out of a then-existing black velvet dress that I had with adding red and black lace ruffles in an oblique way and a red flower on the belt. I usually get compliments for the dress, I think because it has been designed and made out of motherly passion. I'm not a big fan of Halloween, just don't relate to pretend being someone else. But here I am, a Flamenco dancer without knowing a move! I'm going there with a gay friend of mine. His name is Gilles. Born in Monterey, CA and had lived in Paris for quite a while. Been in hi-tec industry successfully, now is working towards getting his yoga certification. Sometimes women miss socializing freely with men without getting right hit on. He satisfies that need for sure! We are going to Affi's house first. Affi is my friend and inspiring yoga instructor. She is Iranian (Afsaneh), has studied architecture but never practiced it, instead she is a professional dancer, mostly Flamenco and Tango I guess, and the best yoga teacher I have seen. Affi says I'm her only student that is not thinking about quitting her day job and becoming a yoga teacher and she laughs. The party is at Robin's house. Robin is a stay-at-home mom raising two beautiful little girls with a passion for yoga. We all share a power yoga Thursday night class.

بند ۲۰۹ : هاروارد ایران

2007-10-10T19:52:00.000-07:00

.... زنگ زدم خونه. علی گوشی و برداشت

با همون صدای همیشگی. بهش گفتم صدات فرق نکرده! گفت بهم میگن قیافه اتم فرق نکرده! نمی دونم

گفتم بابا روزهای اول که رفته بودی می گفت من به داشتن پسری مثل علی افتخار می کنم. می گفت اگه کوچکترین خطایی از علی سرزده بود براش هیچ تلاشی

نمی کردم. می گذاشتم تا مدت محکومیتش سر بیاد

گفت: هلاله. پدر مادرمون خیلی قویند. گفتم آره من همیشه می دونستم. ولی نه تا این حد

گفت:مرسی از اینکه فراموشم نکردین. من آدمهایی و دیدم تو زندان که فراموش شده بودند

.پرسیدم میانگین تحصیلات تو بند ۲۰۹ چیه علی؟ گفت بالاست خیلی. ولی جدا از اون هر کسی که اونجاست در یک زمینه ای یک قابلیت و توانایی خاص و منحصر به فردی داره. هیچ کس آدم معمولی نیست و به طرز تصادفی هم اونجا نیومده! بند ۲۰۹ شده هاروارد ایران

آزادی علی فرح بخش -رادیو زمانه

2007-10-10T17:51:00.000-07:00