Cleared for Access

Mind Monkey is now up and running.

2005-03-19T14:19:00.000-06:00

The new site, Mind Monkey, is now up and running. It's not perfect, but it's at a point where I'm going to start using it instead of Cleared for Access for my posts. I may or may not eventually move these posts over; for now, it's linked as the Archive. So come on over to Mind Monkey, and let me monkey with your brain meats.

Fnord.

New site is coming along.

2005-03-16T15:54:00.000-06:00

Just a quick note: the new site is slowly taking form. Once I'm satisfied with the basic layout, I'll switch over to there. Still haven't decided whether to archive all the old posts there or leave them here, but I'm leaning toward leaving them here. The new site will be a new blog, although it really won't cover anything different. Just a different name. Stay tuned.

Fnord.

Hatred and depression all wrapped into one

2005-03-16T15:42:00.000-06:00

The US Senate today did something that the oil industry has been trying to do for twenty years...they voted to open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR) to oil drilling. Words can not express the hatred and contempt I feel for those who voted for this shameful, despicable act, nor can they do justice to the feeling that the Bush administration really does want to rape this planet for all it's worth before it drags this country screaming into Hell.

This is just the latest assault against the environment in a string of attacks that started the day that asshole took office. From scientists being gagged for daring to speak out against the president's environmental policies, to producing shoddy environmental documenation, and capping it with the laughable "Clear Skies" initiative...gah. I just can't express how much I despise the man and his supporters. ANWR is salt in the wound.

Eisenhower (who created ANWR) and Roosevelt (arguably one of the most conservation-minded presidents of the twentieth century) must be rolling in their graves. If I were a Republican, I'd be ashamed of how the party had raped the memory of past Republican presidents. No wonder my father became a Democrat. What the hell is this country coming to?

Fnord.

New domain coming

2005-03-14T16:39:00.000-06:00

Because blogger.com is Teh Suck, I have registered my own domain finally and will soon be moving over there. Details to follow. Most likely I'll just provide a link to this site once the new one goes live instead of trying to recreate posts there.

Stay tuned, same time and same bat channel...for now.

Fnord.

California edges closer to the Massachusetts model

2005-03-14T16:27:00.000-06:00

A San Fransisco County superior court judge today ruled California's ban on gay marriage violates the state constitution. The case will be appealed and the state supreme court will have to rule, if they choose to take up the case. This mirrors the situation in Massachusetts over a year ago when that state's supreme court ruled that the state constitution, as written, protected gay marriage.

This is good news, of course. There is a proposed constitutional amendment pending in the state legislature that would ban gay marriage, making the court case moot, but I hope the state's voters are progressive enough to reject it if it actually winds up on the ballot. It's far from a sure thing, though. California is pretty blue, but the voters can be surprising. The same state that was the first to legalize medical marijuana also voted to deny illegal immigrants education and health benefits (since stalled in court) and voted in the notorious "3 Strikes" law (currently being reworked, if memory serves).

Still, this is a positive sign. While it gives the fundies more ammo against "activist judges," it also provides another much-needed chance for people to see that gay marriage won't bring about the Apocalyse. This is the new civil rights battle, and it's interesting to bear witness to these moments in history.

Fnord.

Just thought I'd throw this out there...

2005-03-09T12:00:00.000-06:00

As if we didn't need more proof that the White House is in the hands of people who just should not be making speeches, I give you this bit from DailyKos. Enjoy.

Fnord.

The brains of the Insurance Institute seem to be missing

2005-03-07T09:25:00.000-06:00

You may have seen the report on Friday that Consumer Reports, based on tests conducted by the Insurance Institute, named the Ford Focus the best small car of the year. Today, CR rescinded that honor in light of the II's side-impact crash test results, which gave all small cars a rating of poor unless they were retested with optional equipment, at the request and expense of the manufacturer.

I have a couple observations about this. For one, no small car is going to do well when t-boned by an SUV. Small object hit by large object = small object suffers. Even with safety features like side-impact airbags, you're probably going to get a couple bruises (or worse) if you're in said small car. In that sense, yes, they are "poor" choices when it comes to accidents.

However, if you look at how the II tested the cars, you'll see their tests are bubkus compared to the indusry-standard governmental crash tests. They take a big, 3100 lb weight, and smash it into the car at 31 mph. That's it. Guess what? I don't think any car would do well if run over by a boulder, do you? Contrast this to the government method, which takes a block of similar weight but lower to the ground to (get this) simulate an actual vehicle. Boulder simulation vs. vehicle simulation...hmm.

Anyway, the Ford Focus (to use the example from the article) gets an "Acceptable" rating, or 3 stars, in the government crash tests. Maybe it would be nice to know that, if I were in a Focus and a huge rock rolled down a hill and smashed into the car, I'd be likely to survive. But I don't think this is a vital point when most people go car shopping. Personally, I'll take the knowledge that I'd likely survive a t-bone in said car over the boulder.

Bottom line? I think II is dumb, and CR is over-reacting. And no, I don't drive a Focus.

Fnord.

Martha, Martha, Martha!

2005-03-04T13:13:00.000-06:00

I periodically check CNN.com during the day to keep up on what's going on in the world. I only actually read one or two articles, since most don't interest me, but it's nice at least having a hint of things happening outside of my office.

But today...ever since I got in this morning, the only thing CNN has been covering as their headline news item is Martha Stewart getting out of jail. Oh look, Martha's out! Look, now she's driving home! Aw, she's feeding her horses, how sweet! And now she's baked a cake! We love Martha, she's so fascinating and important!

Good god, people. She's a convicted felon who just got out of jail after serving a pansy term. She's richer than she was before she went in, and her financial prospects look good. She's got a talk show and a reality show coming out, and the merger of K-Mart and Sears will probably put more of her crap into people's homes than ever before. Her magazine will undoubtedly take off because of the "new, softer Martha."

I just don't understand this insanity that seems to have all the media outlets in its ironclad grip. I can understand covering her release, but to continue making it the main story for half the day? Give it a rest, people...there are far more important things going on in the world than Martha Stewart.

Fnord.

Holy crap this is awesome!

2005-03-04T10:07:00.000-06:00

This video was forwarded to me by Sam over at The Escapist. You should go watch it. Now.

I especially like the parade of rabbits with various numbers on their chests.

Fnord.

Three cats

2005-03-03T09:24:00.000-06:00

A friend came across this image while doing a Google image search on tattoos. I honestly don't want to know how it came up, but it's damn funny. A shame I don't get images like this attached to the mass of porn spam that's been finding its way into my work email box the past few weeks.

Fnord.

Sometimes I love Republicans

2005-03-01T13:14:00.000-06:00

I was going to rant about this teenage turnip twaddler who cut me off today at lunch (two turn lanes, moron, means you don't swing into the other one while turning), but then a friend sent me this link.

Hahahahahahaha!

Seriously, this kind of stuff makes me bust a gut. As my friend said, "Rioting...there would be rioting." I can't believe this fruit seriously thinks he could bring this about. For one thing, broadcast TV is completely different from cable. Broadcast is over public airwaves, thus the government technically can regulate it "for the common good." Cable is limited access, however, meaning unless you break the law, the only way you gain access to it is through subscription. Which brings us to satellites. Yes, they're broadcast in a sense, but it's not over public airwaves; once again, you need a subscription to (legally) gain access.

Not to mention, of course, that going after cable would be going after the cash cow of the media companies. You think you've got a powerful lobby on your side, composed of a bunch of fundies with sticks up their asses? See what happens when you go after the media's pocketbooks. Even your Republican friends will jump ship faster than you can say "indecent" when their financial backing suddenly vanishes.

Oh man...anyway, thanks, Senator Stevens. You gave me a good laugh.

Fnord.

Sex in the news

2005-02-25T11:11:00.000-06:00

Two amusing sex stories in the news, and they both involve court! First up, we have the story of a man suing over his ex's pregnancy. Not so special, until you get to the part about how she got pregnant. Apparently she saved his seed after oral sex, and then used it to impregnate herself. He can sue based on the fact that he engaged in an act that would not normally lead to pregnancy, and thus is "traumatized." But wait, it gets better! The court did decide, however that he can not sue the woman for theft of his sperm because it was considered "a gift." That's right, a gift.

While that sinks in, I'll move on to the next story which is equally entertaining and has even dumber actors. A few years ago, a 17 year old girl visiting South Padre (TX) on spring break got it into her head that she wanted to participate in a contest happening nearby. The prize was appearing in a video game, and all you had to do was flash your boobies. Since Mommy and Daddy had recently given her a boob job for Christmas, she decided this would be the perfect outlet to show off her new assets. So, she took her fake ID, filled out the consent form, told the producers she was legally of age, flashed her boobies, and was eventually put into the game. Flash forward a few years. Said teen, now 20, feel remorse that thousands of guys are now staring at her surgically enhanced 17 year old chest. So, she does what every good, moral, upstanding citizen does: she sues. Claiming the game is child pornography and that it humiliates and degrades her, she's suing for emotional distress.

So let me get this straight. She's 17 at the time, with a fake ID. The game producers made absolutely no secret about what they were doing. She filled out a consent form, lied about her age, gleefully shook her goods, and then three years later complains? God I love America. The game company rightly claims that the above facts invalidate all her claims of being trapped in a contract, since she willingly and knowingly committed fraud prior to and upon entering it. Hopefully the judge will see the light and throw this case out, but you never know.

Fnord.

Delusional in Deutchland

2005-02-23T17:45:00.000-06:00

As reported in Der Spiegel, Bush's much ballyhooed "town hall" meeting with everyday Germans has been quietly nixed by those involved. The official explanation is scheduling conflicts, which is polite diplomatic talk for "we didn't want to deal with it, but neither side wants to take responsibility." The talk, though, is that the Administration insisted on dropping it because the Germans refused to host a scripted, controlled event. They felt that an open forum should be just that, and stated, "Don't get upset with us if they [audience members] ask angry questions."

Since Bush just couldn't have it on public record that people were *gasp* angry about his policies, he just does what he does here in the States: sticks his head in the sand, convinced that everything is hunky-dory. After all, if he doesn't hear about it, it didn't really happen, right?

Fnord.

Humor break

2005-02-23T11:15:00.000-06:00

A friend introduced me to Craig's List today and the "Best of..." section. This one still has me laughing. I don't recommend reading it in an environment where you need to keep your composure.

Fnord.

My home state, she washes away

2005-02-23T08:56:00.000-06:00

Poor California. Especially SoCal. An area that normally gets maybe 15 inches of rain a year has been deluged with over twice that in the first half. They now stand less than 4 inches away from the all-time record set in the 1880s, and the current storms still haven't finished having their way with the state. I honestly expect the record to be broken this year, and I wonder what the outcome of all this will be (aside from the obvious monetary value of the damage). Some possible predictions:

1. People who built in floodplains will howl for every single drainage channel in the state to be sealed with concrete. Sadly I see this as a serious possibility, since stupid people who build in floodplains also tend to be very vocal.

2. Cities will put a moratorium on building in foothills. This would be good, since the housing creep into the hills has not only created unstable hillsides, but intruded upon the territory of wildlife. Coyotes and mountain lions do not mix well with suburbanites, and its the wildlife that generally loses in the end.

3. The frenzy of brush clearing on the hillsides to prevent fires will slow. Some of the damage is probably due to the fires of the past few years denuding the hillsides, but I also think some people overreacted to the danger and, by eliminating the fire danger, opened themselves up to mudslides. Brush is on the hillside for a reason, people, and in a dry environment like SoCal, it's all that stands between you and tons of earth crashing down on your house.

Those are my predictions. We'll see what happens.

Fnord.

Don't stop here, this is bat country!

2005-02-21T11:14:00.000-06:00

In case you missed the news, writer and journalist Hunter S. Thompson committed suicide yesterday in his fortified compound near Aspen. Personally, I think this is a cover-up for the real cause of death.

So long, Dr. Thompson. Journalism wouldn't be the same without you.

Fnord.

Heh.

2005-02-16T13:16:00.000-06:00

Although I'm 99% certain the headline was intentional, it's still pretty funny.

Fnord.

Art as terrorism...

2005-02-16T10:28:00.000-06:00

I just don't get this. Well, ok, I do on some weird conservative, what-if mindset. One would think, however, that the items would be promptly returned once the situation was explained. Then again, this is the Federal government we're dealing with. Obviously fake passports just can't be tolerated.

Fnord.

I have been pwned.

2005-02-15T15:52:00.000-06:00

Never let it be said that the Internet can not change someone's opinion.

My rant on Valentine's Day has been tried in the court of public opinion, both in comments and off-line commentary, and judged to be quite lacking. A straw man I have created, a false target for my disappointment. It also seems that when people sense you attacking something sacred, no matter how said attack is directed, they take it personally. At any rate, my peers have judged me lacking in foresight and wisdom in my assaults against V-Day, unjustly accusing those who partake of it as unromantic, and being an ass about the whole deal in general. I submit to the decision, and raise the white flag.

Perhaps I was too harsh on the holiday. I don't enjoy hating it; indeed, I look forward to the day when I can actually enjoy it. But, as has been pointed out to me several times in the past 24 hours, it seems my current outlook on this holiday is detrimental to my well-being, filling me with anger, hate, and tempting me to the dark side. So never again will I say anything bad about Valentine's Day. Never again shall I be publicly bitter about this holiday, regardless of my reasons. I shall keep my rants to myself, and stoically soldier on as I do the other 364 days of the year. That which does not kill me only makes me stronger.

Fnord.

It's St. Harlequinn's Day!

2005-02-15T09:41:00.000-06:00

Go fill yourself with bitterness and hate! And perhaps read this rant before you do, so you realize what it's all about.

Fnord.

A cheap card and two wilted roses.

2005-02-14T17:54:00.000-06:00

This evening, while picking up some groceries at the neighborhood supermarket, I saw what passes for romance in this tawdry day and age. A middle-aged man, not unsuccessful from his dress, was in line ahead of me buying a cheap card and two wilted roses for his wife. I know it was for his wife, as this is what the card told me. If it wasn't for Valentine's Day, I'd bet my left nut this guy wouldn't have been in the store at all.

This is but one of many reasons why I detest Valentine's Day, and why today has been hell for me. Everywhere I looked, I saw reminders of the holiday. The radio played Valentine-themed 80s music for the retro lunch hour. Even Google had a cutsie heart made of roses replacing one of the o's. This "holiday" is a sham, a claptrap celebration, a carefully contrived piece of malarky and an excuse for people who otherwise wouldn't give a rat's ass to be "romantic." I hate it. It's the antithesis of romance and love; a vile candy covered with chocolate, delivered by a plush gorilla wearing a shirt that reads "I love you a bunch," and shoved down your throat.

There are other reasons I hate V-Day. For one, I have never had a good Valentine's Day. I've completely forgettable ones, and ones I only wish I could forget. Bad memories abound with this holiday, and it serves them up to me on a tarnished platter. For another, it's just a crappy holiday. Seriously, think about it; it's only purpose is to make Hallmark rich and to stress out every guy in the western world. It also serves to remind women that many guys are only interested in getting in their pants (why else would places like Victoria's Secret do so much business this time of year?)

Here's an idea. Instead of giving in to the sordid debacle that is Valentine's Day, boycott it. Refuse to enrich the card and flower companies on this day, and instead do something romantic on different day. My god, what a concept; romance that occurs on day other than February 14th. I know, it's a radical idea. You'll be surprised, however, how popular it is.

Fnord.

Sweet art day, or at least morning

2005-02-11T09:13:00.000-06:00

I blogged about this woman's art before (somewhere in the archives, I'm too lazy to link the blog entry right now). Here's a new work in progress, which I will channel Napoleon Dynamite in describing as "sweet." Go look.

Fnord.

Dear god...

2005-02-10T10:50:00.000-06:00

What I've been talking about regarding "Jeff Gannon" is just the tip of the iceberg, apparently. For some detailed digging into his background and the controversy surrounding this guy, go see DailyKos. Yes, it's a pretty partisan website, but their info here looks good. You can also go read the Salon article.

Yikes...I mean Fnord.

This just keeps getting better.

2005-02-10T09:10:00.000-06:00

In the continuing saga of Bush-friendly reporters doing fluff pieces on the President, we now learn that a man with questionable journalistic credentials was/is a member of the prestigious White House press pool. The "reporter" in question, James Gluckert, operated under the assumed name of "Jeff Gannon," and repeadedly lobs softballs at Bush during his press conferences.

But wait, it gets better!

In 2003, Gluckert was denied press passes for both the House and Senate, because he couldn't provide any viable journalistic credentials. Apparently the White House is willing to accept diplomas filled out with crayon, though, because he's been a member of the WHPP for years.

Think it couldn't get worse? Think again!

The final kicker is that Gluckert works for a news agency wholly owned by a GOP activist, who also runs a GOP consulting group, GOPUSA. (Funny side note: Talon News bills itself as "spin free" and "unbiased," but proudly proclaims "Read our news on GOPUSA." Even FoxNews covers their biases better than that.) So, we've got a man with questionable credentials and motives who has access to the most prestigious press pool in the nation, taking up a spot that could have been filled by someone a) more qualified, and b) far more impartial. Hell, impartial period. This is the guy who asked Bush, after the inauguration, "how he could deal with Democratic congressional leaders "who seem to have divorced themselves from reality."" Scott McClellan must love this guy.

Fnord.

The Cookie Caper continued...

2005-02-09T13:51:00.000-06:00

The two teen girls who were taken to court by their stick-up-her-ass neighbor won't have to pay anything out of their own pockets. A local radio station raised more than enough money to cover their fines, with the extra going to charity. This in and of itself is good news. What's funnier, however, is that the woman has made herself such a target that she constantly gets calls and doesn't have a moment's peace, and "may have to move out of town." Hey lady, here's a free clue: if you hadn't made such a stink about this in the first place, you could be living in peace and quiet. I hope you learned your lesson.

Fnord.