Mrs. Dub

With love, Mrs. Dub

2008-12-24T00:01:00.003-06:00

So this is it.

As you may have sensed, I've grown weary of blogging. It's not you; it's me. After three long years of being Mrs. Dub, I'm ready to move on to a different medium. I'm hoping to use the time I spent blogging on other writing projects and/or professional thumb wrestling.

I've been overwhelmed, touched, inspired and supported by all of you. I am truly humbled that any of you, particularly strangers, have wanted to read my nonsensical ramblings. Thanks for all your comments, emails and packages. The latter two are still encouraged.

I don't know if this is goodbye forever; I'm too fickle to commit to that. But I do need a break and it could be a long one. I already contribute to a private family blog and may consider creating a private one for friends with photos and occasional updates. We'll see. I just know that it's not that fun for me any more, and that's all that matters.

I've found a lot of joy and creative release from blogging. It helped me through some hard times, improved my writing and allowed me to chronicle my motherhood experience. But I'd be lying if it's all positive. I have an increasing feeling that there is too much noise on the Internet, and I've made the decision to be one less sound. There are scores of wittier writers out there, and I'd rather see you spend your time there. Better yet, I'd like to see us outside or on the floor with our kids.

Good luck to all of you with your lives and endeavors. I'll be checking your blogs on occasion, though I'm hoping to distance myself from my computer in general in the coming year. Time to work on my shorthand.

Merry Christmas, Happy Easter and good luck with that one thing!

p.s. I'm 10 weeks pregnant. Maybe it's the hormones?

p.p.s. No, you can't talk me out of it.

HTT - Your Christmas lights are ugly

2008-12-23T05:38:00.002-06:00

via someone in England

From Cooey's Mom: "How 'bout flashing Christmas lights vs. constant? And what about yard ornaments? Are they fun or tacky? My husband and I debate over these every Dec."

This one is easy for me. First, no flashing lights. It can cause seizures and reindeer are already prone to them. Also, they can look tacky, especially when there are multiple strands flashing out of synch. I don't mind some of the more modern light options, like ball ornaments for trees or snowflakes along the porch, but ditch those icicle lights. They scream "1995" to me, but that's a personal issue. I also prefer large lights to small lights and colored lights to white ones, unless you are totally decking your house out, in which case a bold, white display is charming. I also love to drive by super-lit homes, but I have a funny feeling there is something a little bit off with the owners. Maybe a troubled childhood or repressed joy? I'll call Dr. Phil later and get back to you on that one.

Second, I'm not a huge fan of yard ornaments. If it is done well, it works, but usually it's overdone. I particularly loathe blow-up ornaments (no offense to any friends, family or neighbors who own them, as Miss Dub lives to see them), but that's mostly because they are in EVERY yard in certain parts of Wisconsin; the same parts of Wisconsin where you can register for your wedding at a gas station. Seriously. I'm going to make a poor taste correlation there. You should, too.

What do you think?

What is your favorite kind of Christmas display?

Yea or nay to flashing lights?

What about yard ornaments?

Also, should there be a law saying Christmas lights must turned off after January 4th or what? Because I get all ragey when I see them in February.

HTM - Jessica Simpson is dirty

2008-12-22T05:20:00.002-06:00

From (my lovely, cute, witty SIL) Steph: "To wash hair daily or not to wash hair daily... This is something I struggle with."

OK, I'm putting this one out there for the blog peeps, because I don't know the answer. I've always been a daily hair washer, except for those rare days that I don't shower, in which case I'm usually ponytailing it and void of any beauty efforts. However, I did read a little snippet in Marie Claire recently about Jessica Simpson, where stylist, bestie and chihuaha descendant Ken Paves said that she only washes her hair "two or three times a month." I'd give you the exact quote, but that's the point where I accidentally dropped my magazine into the toilet. Because that seems blatantly digusting. And, yet, the body ... the shine ... the Texas-ness of her golden locks. He did emphasize that you have to RINSE your hair daily, but what exactly does that entail? Because after reading his claim, I boldly went one day without shampooing my hair but styled it as normal ... and about three hours later I felt like I had been in a snowstorm. My hair was a flat, greasy mess. So now I'm wondering if this is another "chicken of the sea" issue, because Jessica might think that "rinsing" means using a clarifying shampoo daily, while "washing" her hair means using a conditioning, fancy-pants shampoo. Because there is NO WAY that her hair looks like that after bimonthly washings. Unless ... she means she only washes it herself two or three times a month, because her stylists, assistants and dad wash it for her every other time. That's probably the explanation. Silly Jess!

What about you?

Do you wash your hair daily?

Do you shower daily?

Do you brush your teeth daily?

Just checking.

HTF - Friends without benefits

2008-12-19T07:29:00.003-06:00

From Janaya: Is it kosher to have good friends of the opposite sex after you're married?

This is a loaded question with a loaded answer, because there are a lot of variables and possibilities. On the surface, yes, you can have good friends of the opposite sex after you're married. I mean, I had lots of guy friends growing up and in college, so it's a little weird if I swear off the gender now that I'm married. Plus, it's only natural to want to maintain friendships with any of your good friends.

But what does a friendship entail? The occasional email or phone call? Meeting up for lunch along with your spouse or the guy's spouse? Because all of that is kosher in my opinion. The more alone time and more secrecy involved, the more likely you are putting your friendship and marriage in jeopardy, or at least ticking off someone's spouse. So, as Miss Dub says, "Don't do dat!"

And who is this guy? A former friend or a former flame? Because if he's your former boyfriend of 15 years, who tried to persuade you to break of your engagement with your husband and likes to chat online EVERY DAY, then you are probably better off restricting communications to the annual Christmas letter. (We are clear on how those work, right?)

As for making new guy friends after marriage ... that's a little stranger to me. You are naturally going to become friends with coworkers and other important men in your life, but pursuing good guy buds after marriage is a little weird to me, mostly because I find myself gravitating more towards women now that I'm married. I get plenty of guy time at home and just don't feel comfortable chatting it up with men beyond basic conversation.

Finally, just think of your husband. Mr. Dub has a few old gal pals that he keeps in touch with, but all of them have become my friends, so there's no secrecy. He also has lots of female coworkers, but he doesn't have lunch alone with ONE of them every day, which is a recipe for disaster in my opinion. The thought of him spending large amounts of time with any woman besides me can get me a little hot 'n bothered. I don't want him to do it, so I don't do it myself.

What do you think?

Is it OK to have friends of the opposite sex after marriage?

What is/isn't appropriate? (I'm thinking kissing might be a no-no.)

HTT - Christmas cash

2008-12-18T06:45:00.001-06:00

This is Miss Dub's big gift this year.

From Joey and Megan: How about how much to spend on Christmas? How much is too much? What about the re-gift?

It's hard for me to say since we only have one little'un, and she won't be getting much this Christmas, because, like us, she doesn't need much. But I was talking to an acquaintance recently who told me that she was telling friends they spend about $2,500 a year on Christmas and her friends were SHOCKED ... because they all spend waaaay more. Yeah, we've never gotten close to the $1,000 mark, but we're a family of three. Personally, I think lots of people overdo it at Christmas. If you're going for quantity, the gifts should be inexpensive and simple. If you are going for quality, you should have a few nice things. No one needs that much. Personally, I think one large gift and a few small ones are adequate. (Totaling $150-$350ish a person.) After all, there is always next Christmas (and the next and the next). As for the re-gift, I think it's best to avoid them. At the least, take back the sweater you loathe for something a friend will actually love, not just like. Oh, but homemade goodies are fair game. Just re-plate them and don't say you made them yourself if you didn't. It gets complicated when people ask for recipes.

But what do you think?

How much do you spend on Christmas? (Yes, you can comment anonymously.)

How much is too much?

And what about the re-gift?

p.s. For extra credit, help out Cichelli: Can I please get some advice on Christmas presents? Do I have to give gifts to karate teachers, little gym instructors, and preschool teachers? What? and how much should it cost? And what do I give my nanny?! coworkers? neighbors?

I don't have a lot of parental experience with karate instructors yet, but I think all of the above (minus the nanny) qualify for a plate of homemade/store-bought goodies. I make salsa, but you really aren't obligated to give them anything. The nanny, however, expects a bonus. Trust me.

HTW - PC or Mac?

2008-12-17T07:10:00.004-06:00

To increase your holiday spunk, I've decided to gift you with an entire week of Hot Topics suggested by you, culminating on Wednesday with a special post of my own. Yeah, I'm giggling, too.

I don't have time to address all of your hot topic suggestions this week, but I will go for the most requested and/or interesting and/or easiest and/or most fragrant. Unlike our Christmas tree, which does NOT smell very strong. I'm going to kick it in the shins.

From Julie: "It's not juicy, but I'd like to hear people's views on PC vs. Mac. We're trying to decide!"

This one is easy, interesting and possibly fragrant. Go with the Mac, Julie, and never look back.

I mean, are there PC people out there any more? We own one, but it's merely an economic issue. I feel like we have come together as a nation to agree that Macs are prettier, smarter, cooler, faster and better. (Next up, political unity!)

As a career lass, I always worked on a Mac, mostly because publishing software is way more compatible with the creative-minded Mac. There were times I lamented this - like when I would go to CTRL-C something after a night at home, only to remember those functions must be tweaked on a Mac - but that was about the extent of my frustration.

There was also a time when popular programs like Microsoft Office were only available for PCs. That sucked. But now everything is available for Mac and compatible with either, so emails and attachments are no longer a big issue.

It's kind of like owning a Zune when you could have an iPod. Seriously?

But I want to hear what other people say. Are there PC lovers left out there, or have you all been swayed by Apple's youthful, musical advertising? I know I have.

Is your house a PC or Mac household?

Which do you prefer/want/covet?

p.s. Please do email Apple and let them know that I just gave them some blatant advertising and will humbly accept a small token of appreciation. (By small token, I mean an iPhone, iMac, MacBook Pro and Apple TV.)

p.p.s. Some of you requested Hot Topics that have already been vented on me olde blog:
For circumcision, go here.
For immunizations, go here.
For potty training, go here.
For working moms, go here.

HTT - Christmas Card Etiquette

2008-12-16T07:18:00.004-06:00

I love this Christmas photo via Flickr.

First, Mr. Dub and I don't do Christmas cards. I could say it's an ethical issue, but it's really more about laziness. Plus, we've been moving or pregnant (or fat) several Christmases past, so we just aren't in the habit. Maybe next year. (You know, when I'm a best-selling novelist, and we have fifteen kids and really hot bods.)

Second, thanks to all of you who have sent Christmas cards to me, because I love 'em. You are currently brightening my fridge, because I'm too (you guessed it) lazy to come up with a more clever way to display them.

* Look, should laziness ever become an Olympic sport, as I've suggested in many letters to the IOC, I am in competitive shape*

Third, I'm no Christmas card expert, but I have been reading them for years. As a wee lass, I loved to devour the Christmas update letters, and I still head for them as soon as I walk into my parent's home. That said, I think I can make some suggestions about whether you should brag or not about your life and kids. Short answer: Yes ... and no. Long answer: It depends on three things - tone, length and content.

TONE - Please make your Christmas card funny. Please do not take yourself too seriously or intentionally try to impress us. Please do not write about your son's fourth grade spelling bee as if it was an international event. It's not. I personally prefer a little sarcasm, but that's me. Did I mention it should be funny?

LENGTH - Number of kids, pets and accomplishments aside, do not exceed two pages (front and back preferred). Any longer and you are boring everyone, even your grandma. She told me. Plus, length and bragginess are in direct proportion. A few key accomplishments and family highlights are one thing; a detailed trip itinerary is another. If we cared, we would call you. No offense.

CONTENT - Year-end highlights include things like births, moves, major accomplishments, life updates, etc. That does not include your menu for Christmas dinner. That does not include an excerpt from your recent public address. That does not include a paragraph about your appliance woes. And, yes, I have read all these things in letters, and I am still mocking them years later. Be warned.

Other things that bug me - people who write in a quirky third person, like the baby wrote it, or devote an entire page to the dog. Oh, and if you are going to the trouble to write a letter, please include a picture.

What about you?

Do you think it's OK to brag about your family in a Christmas card?

What's the best/worst letter you've ever read?

Alright, who slipped me their meds?

2008-12-15T07:36:00.000-06:00

Oh my, where to start? I have so many thoughts in my head lately. It could be brilliance, or it could be madness. I never know with myself. I almost started this post with, "This is going to be the best work of my life." Because then whatever I said would seem deeper, wouldn't it? But I flatter myself a humble blogger, so I'm settling for this:

I'm going through a mid(ish)-life crisis.

Blame childbirth, blame infant loss - whatever the cause, I'm am no longer invincible. I no longer think that my bad physical luck + parasailing = big owie. No, it would be my death. (Mark my words.) Because we are all marching to our deaths. I know, it sounds morbid. I almost didn't leave the house for a few days, because I really, really want to live to kiss my great-grandlings at their weddings, but then we needed milk, and I realized my clock was still ticking, even inside. Yeah, there's no hiding. Death will find us all and sometimes we won't see it coming. At some point you have to come to grips with that and then get over it.

In a way, it's terribly depressing. I mean, this life seemed so limitless for my younger years. All the boys to crush on, all the books to read, all the countries to see. But now I've accomplished many of my major life milestones - college, marriage, children - and I realize that reading can be too consuming for me and traveling costs a lot of cash. So really life is just about the day-to-day monotony.

When I recognized that most of my life, most of my mortal existence, is going to be simple, I had some regrets. Not that my life won't be the whirlwind mixture of adventure, success, fame and spontaneity that I once assumed it would be, but that I haven't been glorying in the simplicity; that I've taken steps down my hallway each day when I could have leaped. After all, how many steps do I have left in this life? Why not dance? Why not add panache to my mundane tasks?

I also felt bad that I don't cry more. That when it's time to hurt - whether major loss or small upset - that I don't really, really let myself feel it. I think if someone were to take away my emotions, I would almost miss sadness as much as happiness. And really, isn't joy a combination of the two? A recognition that hard times makes good times even sweeter? That's true joy, in my opinion. So next time I'm hurting, I'm going to feel it to its gut-wrenching core. And when I start to feel better, I'm going to laugh until it hurts. Why not?

Finally, isn't it great that this life - our imperfect sojourns on earth - isn't eternal? That there is an end? That we all go out in a dramatic puff, whether it's unexpectedly or after long descent? Isn't there some dramatic flourish to that? I think it's poetic. (Even though I kind of think poets are narcissists - and that's OK. I choose not to like a lot of poetry! The freedom!)

I also think I'm starting to sound like someone who might have a fridge magnet that boasts, "Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt." (Or worse, a Garfield poster that says, "Hang in there.")

And that, my friends, is the scariest part of this whole post.

p.s. Not my best work.

p.p.s. Not even close.

p.p.p.s. We put up our tree.

Cindy Brady would be proud

2008-12-12T09:23:00.007-06:00

What is it with characters with lisps on children's television?

I mean, are they trying to teach tolerance for kids who have them? Or is it propaganda for speech impediments?

Bugs me.

What is it with Chicago politics?

2008-12-11T05:51:00.000-06:00

My governor is an idiot.

No worries, I'm sure the next one will be corrupt, too.

It's just how we roll in Chicago.

I blame the pizza.

It was permanent marker

2008-12-10T06:47:00.001-06:00

Pardon my blog funk, but my once indomitably cute daughter has embraced her toddlerhood with full force. Her once quirky stories are just not as funny when they involve defacing our property or whining until my eardrums explode. Seriously, that just happened.

The other day, Miss Dub was coloring with some markers when she said, "Mommy, come see!" She was holding the market in her hand, so I assumed the worst. She brought me to the glider in her room and said, "Look!" And there was nothing. Not a mark. Until she started to draw giant circles ALL OVER THE OTTOMAN. Right in front of me - the audacity!

In any event, I know that 90 percent of you tune in to see and hear about the quirky and affable Miss Dub, so I apologize for the recent lack of Miss-centric posts. I'll try to find some humor in the incessant warnings and timeouts. (Maybe the fact that she comes out and says, "Ta-da!"??)

The other 10 percent of you should take heart, however, because I believe you tune in to revel in my mothering disasters and give me detailed parenting advice. Sounds like I'm going to need it.

Good thing she is so unbelievably cute and funny.

HTT - You tell me!

2008-12-09T10:45:00.004-06:00

I got nothing.

I just got back from some important early morning errands, it's heaving snow outside and my child just told me she's sad that I don't have any cute jeans like her. Seriously, sister.

So I'm going to use this opportunity to generate ideas for future Hot Topics. Dish out the dirt in your comments below.

And make 'em juicy.

** For vintage HTTs, go here.

** For MTTs, go here.

Where I tell the truth about eggnog

2008-12-08T06:56:00.001-06:00

I think I'm growing dreads.

While my bout with the "Suck it" flu is graciously subsiding, Mr. Dub's went into overdrive Saturday. I haven't put on makeup in a few days. Also, I haven't brushed my hair, hence the clumped pieces that could be worked into dreads by neglect or drizzling car oil. (Is that how you do it? Spill your secrets, Lisa Bonet!)

Dreads are actually a good look for me. As much as I flatter myself to be someone who looks decently cute/fashionable/presentable at any weight, or with any hair color or jean rise, I am really good at looking frumpy. I have that "my husband loves me, so who cares?" look down pat.

In fact, in college, when I was feeling particularly blah, I would wear a vintage ring that could pass as an engagement ring on my ring finger. (Three rings in one sentence? I boweth.) That way if someone was thinking, "That girl's outfit is so awkward," they would look at my ring and think, "Well, shoot, she's cute enough to be engaged at 19." Because all 19-year-old brides are super hot. Just ask them.

But I don't just want this blog to be a place where I rant about my hard life and health woes. Although, let me be clear, I have a hard life and some health woes. However, there are many other things going on in my life. Like, the fact that we don't have a Christmas tree yet, and how I'm just not feeling the seasonal love this year. Yes, I drank some eggnog; didn't help. I just kept think, "Oh, egg and nog. That means there are eggs in this." It was a real epiphany and not a good one.

Also, I am going to Arizona for Christmas. And while it used to tick me off when people would say it doesn't feel like Christmas in Arizona because there is no snow or cold weather and a dominant Jewish population, I have to say I hope it doesn't this year. Because I'd like to go and pretend it's summer. And go swimming. And walk around in a sundress. But - newsflash - it's actually not that hot in Arizona in the winter. It's actually warmer in California. I know.

Finally, is it so wrong that I love Yo Gabba Gabba? I just feel like there are a lot of haters out there, and I don't get it. Cool graphics, indie music and kitschy characters? What don't you like?

Oh, and about my recent lack of photos - it's a privacy thing. (It's not. I just takes a lot of energy to upload those bad boys. And Miss Dub is so photoungenic these days.)

BYOU: Bring your own umbrella

2008-12-05T07:01:00.004-06:00

When it rains, it pours at the Dub house. (I tried to seasonally update that idiom, but "When it snows, it snozzles," just sounded weird.)

We still aren't sure where we are going to live next month, and we only have 5 days upon our return from Christmas vacay to pack up and move. Ru-roh. Additionally, Mr. Dub is swamped with his quarterly project at work that requires a good month of waking up at ridiculous hours that only truckers know and working from home into the wee hours of the night. On top of that, I was called last month to serve with the girl's youth group at our church, but still had to do all the food and gifts for our women's organization's Christmas party last night. Then, just to make things super awesome, Miss Dub started to throw-up the other day. Her issues have traveled to another portal, which is actually much more disgusting to clean out of the carpet. I thought she was doing better yesterday and even agreed to let her go solo to a playdate, but she returned in a new pair of clothes. Oops! (Mental note: When life gets less crazy, call said friend and offer to lick her toilets in penance.)

Now, I've got a bad case of the pukes - oh, and our heater broke yesterday. No worries, it's 7 degrees outside. Could be worse, right?

So when Miss Dub woke up at 5 a.m. this morning screaming BLOODY MURDER, there were a lot of possible issues: soiled peejers, freezing temps, sympathetic nausea. Except, when I got to her room, she was all, "I WANT ONE MORE SHOW!" On TV. At 5 a.m.

And there was nothing that was going to stop that wailing, short of a whooping, but you know I don't roll like that. (Though I'd be lying if I said I didn't hit myself yesterday just to release a little frustration. There may be a bruise.)

I told her that the TV doesn't work until 6:30, but she wasn't totally believing me. And then Mr. Dub goes to leave for work a few minutes later, which really blew my ruse. I mean, if the car works, the TV has to work, riiiiighhht, mama?

So now I have to wait at home for the heater dude to give us some warm fuzzies. Which means I'll miss the cookie exchange. And it would take a good 15 posts to describe the rigid intensity that is my local cookie exchange. Just know that seven dozen cookies were required, and I was the jerk who asked if I could just go to the brunch. (Who can eat seven dozen cookies?)

I hope sunshine is in the forecast soon.

(Count your blessings, blah, blah, I know. But it's still early, so my child's cuteness, my amazing life and my "could-be-worse" butt aren't cheering me up quite yet. Give me an hour, and I'll regret this post.)

Would you love me more if I had granite countertops?

2008-12-03T06:33:00.002-06:00

Remember that time we were going to move into a tiny apartment to save money to pay off The Man, a.k.a. student loans, a.k.a. "Why didn't you go to a cheaper grad school because it's not like your diploma is made of gold?"

Yeah, well that ambition quickly morphed into a greedy attempt to talk realtors into lowering their prices on high-end rentals. I composed a snappy little email touting our best tenant traits ("rarely clog toilets due to high fiber intake") and reminding the realtors of the glut of overprized housing and the economic advantages of renting low instead of staying empty in the winter ("Don't call me when your pipes freeze!"). Then, I emailed it to about ONE HUNDRED people. FIVE people responded. THREE told me I was crazy. ONE said maybe.

On Saturday, we met the other one. He showed us a place typically rented for $1,250 more a month than we are offering. Needless to say, I'm in love. It's an updated vintage home with charming features like a mud room and modern features like a bidet. It has 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, an office and a basement for storage.

Pros: Everything. (Especially the kitchen.)

Cons: Higher utility bills. No garage. Rent is the exact same as 2 bed/1 bath apartment we are currently renting. (That one is also a pro.) Landlord and wife live in a guest house behind the rental house because they are renovating it, so that's slightly awkward.

In any event, we won't be saving a cent compared to our current rental, but we will be getting more for our money, which is a form of frugality, right?

For the record, this post isn't because I need your help making a decision. Decision made, my friends. I want to live in that house. (Did I mention that it is fully furnished with antique shabby chic pieces that can be left per our request? And that, yes, I already pinched myself to see if I'm dreaming?)

I'm writing this post to see if you would be more likely to read my blog, tell your friends to read my blog or click on my ads if I lived in a cute house. I promise I would take lots of pictures. And maybe try to bake more.

Well, would you? Because I could really use a couple (hundred) extra bucks a month if you wouldn't mind. Did I mention there's a guest room ... which I'm not above renting out?

Start clicking.

Like, now.

HTT - Twilight Edition

2008-12-02T06:47:00.001-06:00

Time to talk bloodsuckers.

Specifically, time to review the movie version of "Twilight." Haven't heard of it? Um, welcome to 2008. Barack Obama is going to be the next president and sunglass lanyards are officially out.

If you haven't read or seen the movie, you might want to leave now, because (SPOILER ALERT!) Edward is a vampire. And Bella is one of the most pathetic protagonists to ever capture the youthful hearts of America. But we all want them to make sweet pasty love, so we love them regardless.

I went with a friend to see "Twilight" last week. Both my sisters had already seen it and dubbed it cringe-worthy, so I went with very low expectations. And I still couldn't stop feeling embarrassed. It was so uncomfortable for me. The dialogue seemed cryptic, the scenes seemed redundant, the pace seemed choppy and the special effects were weak. I actually liked the cinematography, but I kept wishing a new story would take place in Forks. One where the characters don't fall desperately in love for no other reason than one is hot and the other smells good. (No offense, Bells, but the hotness gets old after a few years. Hope you have some good conversation to fall back on.)

Kristen Stewart did a better job than I expected. Robert Pattinson's "I love you so much, it hurts, like, really, really bad" faces made my audience laugh a few times. And his hair? I mean, shouldn't vampires try to keep a lower profile?

Some of the other casting felt off, along with the white makeup that appeared to be stuck in actors' hair at times. And Jacob's wig was really bugging me, as well as the inexplicably diverse and accepting student body at Forks High.

So here's my review: Awkward.

It wasn't bad, just not good. And while I've tried and tried to peg the problem on the film's indie budget, I think it boils down to a thin plot.

I like Stephenie Meyer. She seems like a nice person. I like that she loves her characters and seems centered despite her explosive fame. But I didn't loooove her books - haven't brought myself to read the last one yet - and I think that's why I didn't like the movie. Because it's just like the books, and the books were a little awkward for me, too.

But if you are a Twilight lover, feel no shame. You're not alone. People loved the movie and the books. Shoot, grown women are throwing themselves at Bobby "Big Hair" Pattinson. And that's just creepy.

Did you/will you see "Twilight"?

If yes, did you like it or loathe it?

Spare no gory detail, my friends.

p.s. Head over here for more hot stuff.

I made a pie, so there!

2008-12-01T06:45:00.004-06:00

Not my pie, but basically my pie, minus the hole, because I guess this gal on Flickr knows something I don't about the advantages of the hole thingy, besides sneaking a few apples out before dessert time.

Yeah, yeah, I know, you had a perfect Thanksgiving. I've been making the blog rounds and everyone looks super skinny in their special holiday outfits with their oodles of family and/or friends. Your turkey does appear to be perfectly moist. And, yes, your Aunt Glenda's rolls are truly the best recipe out there, take that Paula Deen. Your kids are obviously cute as evidenced by all 20 pictures of them holding their over-piled plates with oversized hairbows. And that "I'm grateful for ..." list left me with a slight tear in my left eye, though it tends to water when I'm in bright sunlight, and I admittedly stopped reading after number 50.

But enough about you, did I tell you I MADE A PIE FROM SCRATCH? For the first time in my 29 years on earth? Never mind that I was forced to do it with the young gals from church; I made the freaking C-R-U-S-T myself. And I must say that it was perfectly thick, flaky and rich. The apples were a little too tart and crisp, and there was a touch too much cinnamon, but I'm not going to complain. I made a pie. And if I took a picture you would be like, "Holy Crisco, that pie is huge and looks delicious, give me some of that!" ... followed by a few eating/moaning sounds. Yeah, it would be weird.

Anyway, needless to say, our Thanksgiving was off the hizzy. We kept it cozy with one other family, but it was still a feast, complete with cornbread dressing/stuffing/good mush that I MADE MYSELF. No recipe, even. I'm that good.

Aw, man. Looks like everyone ends up bragging after a holiday.

Blogs!

HTT - Organic Edition

2008-11-25T06:10:00.000-06:00

Some guy's tofurkey on Flickr

Things have felt a little dull around here lately. I'd be lying if I said I'm not contemplating quitting blogging. I mean, who doesn't every three months? After a certain point, it's all been said and usually better by someone else. There's some good noise out here, but it's still loud, you know? It's nothing we couldn't live without and replace with too much crafting. But, alas, what would I do with all these thoughts in my head? ("Why do the Duggars have a Johanna and a Joy-Anna? It's the same name!")

So I thought I'd get a little controversial to wake my blog up. Let's talk euthanasia. OK, not that controversial, because the more intellectual topics tend to get less comments. I'm not saying you're not smart, I'm just saying ... look, the Duggars!

In light of the Thanksgiving holiday that is upon us, I thought I'd talk a bit about food. Specifically, vegetarianism and organic food.

Will your turkey be free-range or subbed with tofurkey? Mine will be replaced with mashed potatoes, but only because I'm not a huge fan of turkey or meat as starches taste better. It's nothing ethical; it's just that turkey can taste like barf sometimes.

I like fresh and healthy food. I will never eat a Slim Jim. But I'm not particularly particular about where my food comes from, sometimes out of laziness and sometimes out of ignorance, but mostly because I don't have that personality (or budget) that can obsess about my foods' origins. Lots of my friends and family do, and I love them. I'll eat their organic bananas with glee, but it will taste the same as my regular banana, and I won't feel like my life is being extended. I won't feel smarter. I won't feel safer.

I'll even suggest this: lots of people eat or don't eat certain foods to be cool. I mean, Whole Foods makes me feel hip, too. Other people do it because they are paranoid about death, and I'm, like, your tofu patty will not save you in a car crash. The rest are just trying to make a good decision for themselves and their families, and I respect that. In some cases and foods, I even agree. But as a whole, I'm not totally convinced. I've read enough research to know that more people get sick from eating easily spoiled organic food than ingesting pesticides. And I know that there is not a high level of control in labeling organic food.

As for vegetarianism ... just not my thing. I don't eat a lot of meat by taste preference, but I'm not against it as a whole. I think animals should be treated humanely, but I am not of the mindset that animals are the same as humans. I wish. Then maybe the dumb geese around here would fly somewhere for winter.

Reference all the great books you want that will open my eyes about how my food is raised, sprayed and slaughtered, but it probably won't help. First, those books rarely have a love interest. Second, they are boring. Third, I don't have time to read all the books that would open my eyes. Fourth, bug eyes are ugly.

But what about you?

Do you eat meat?

Do you buy organic?

Why?

And why should (or shouldn't) I?

p.s. I'm taking the Turkey weekend off, so try to generate some sort of comment fight if you can to keep yourselves occupied. May I suggest veal?

p.p.s. I am quitting blogging ... on those days when I don't have anything to say. I think quality always trumps quantity, except when it's costume jewelry. Plus, I have a novel to write. Stephenie who?

Mmm ... pasta with refried beans

2008-11-24T05:51:00.001-06:00

via Flickr

My staple grocery list:
* Pine nuts
* Craisins
* Feta cheese
* Parmesan cheese
* Apples
* Tortillas
* Refried beans
* Cheddar cheese
* Sour cream
* Chicken tenderloins
* Marinara sauce
* Pasta
* Green onions
* Garlic
* Pizza crust
* Popcorn
* Fiber One bars
* Lemons
* Limes
* Yogurt
*Hummus
*Carrots

I don't even know why I make elaborate menus with new fandangled recipes. I wear myself out after about three and spend the rest of the week making pasta, burritos and snobby salads.

p.s. Please don't judge me for my cheese obsession.

p.p.s. What's always on your grocery list?

The SFG

2008-11-21T07:19:00.005-06:00

He's baaaaack!

The seasonal fashion genie came to me in a dream last night, and promised to grant three fabulous fashion wishes to my readers today.

As you know, the SFG is a bit slow when granting wishes, so it's probably best you just order your wishes yourself. (He just sent me a pair of Flojos if that's any indication of his procrastination.)

Here are his selection guidelines:

1. A winter coat

2. A pair of winter shoes

3. A winter accessory

Here are my selections:

1. Soia & Kyo Betina-C wool coat - I'm leaning towards the white, but all colors are lovely.

2. Pink Studio Delila bootie - I originally loathed the ankle boot, but its seasonal persistence has worn me down. I'm in love with several pairs, including one - sit down, quick! - by Crocs. Yeah, weird. Of course, all must be paired with opaque tights. I'm not brave enough for bare legs in Chicago.

3. Sweater Floral Earwarmer by Urban Outfitters - An earwarmer that is cute? Sold.

Now, it's your turn. Share your wishes below, or link to your blog in the comments so we can see their beautificousness. (That's a word. Trust me, I wished for it years ago.)

Is it random if I put it in a list?

2008-11-20T07:04:00.005-06:00

1. Go here. Remember how I said that I wasn't cool enough to take gorgeous pictures of my breakfast on Monday? Well, apparently my bro-in-law is. He also took a sweet picture of "The Bean." You don't know what The Bean is? Let's just say you probably don't take cool pictures of your food either.

2. TV update: Miss Dub responded with a unparalleled level of obedience to my TV restrictions the very day I posted about it. She now watches three shows - after waking, before nap, before bedtime. You can say that's too much TV, but until she has any siblings, lives in a better climate and abides in a space larger than 900 square feet, that's my bad ear, and I can't hear you. I am wondering, however, what you think are the most educational shows on TV. She's in a Diego phase - like, calls me Alicia and counts exclusively in Spanish - but I'm more partial to "Super Why" for its phonetic power. What about you?

3. Did you hear about the Motrin Moms? A lot of hype or justified drama? I'd wait for Hot Topic Tuesday, but then I'd have to rename it Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, We've-Already-Talked-about-This Tuesday, and that's a really long acronym. For the record, I try to limit my protests to ads that are more blatantly offensive, like a dog shooting a grandma. Was is the best ad campaign? No. Was it offensive? For me, not so much, because my back does hurt from lugging Miss Dub's 35 pounds around when she's feeling lazy.

4. The SFG is coming tomorrow. Just in time for Christmas!

5. I like pears.

Chili anyone?

2008-11-19T07:51:00.004-06:00

Oct. 24 - Bring chili to the church Halloween party. (Note: Last year, I whipped up a gourmet white bean chili. I not only didn't win the cook-off contest, but also no one ate it. This year, I put two large cans of Hormel chili in a crock pot and added a few green peppers to make it look homemade. There was no cook-off contest, but someone did email me for the recipe. Point made.)

Nov. 8 - Receive call that there is an unclaimed crock pot in the church kitchen. We put our name on the bottom, but whatever. I make a mental note to pick it up that day, but my mind is distracted by news that the drop-crotch pant is making a comeback.

Nov. 15 - Forget it. Again.

Nov. 17 - Finally remember to pick up the crock pot, which is in the fridge, because THERE IS STILL CHILI IN IT. I contemplate tossing the crock pot, but decide to open the lid and deal with the moldy stench. Except ... there is none. The chili smells like I made it yesterday. I throw it away, despite a temptation to serve it to sweaty teenage boys playing basketball at the church.

Nov. 18 - Still a little freaked out about the super-preservatives used by Hormel. If you hear someone on the phone, it's probably them. They're clearly taking over the world one crock pot at a time. Also, beware of any envelopes that smell like chili powder.

HTT - School Time!

2008-11-18T07:00:00.005-06:00

Like most youngsters, Miss Dub is fairly obsessed with school buses:

"Look, Mommy, a school bus!"
"Look, Mama, a baby bus!"
"Look, mother, gas prices are low enough that I might go to college now."

Stuff like that.

Every time we see a school bus, she says, "I ride a school bus all by myself when I get big ... but you come with me, 'kay?"

And I always respond, "I'll probably drive you, because I'm a weird, obsessive mom like that."

But will I?

That got me thinking for the second time this month. Will I be the mom who drives her kids out of kindness and/or safety concerns? I mean, kids on the back of my middle school bus used to smoke, drink and go to various bases without any intervention. And there aren't any seat belts to keep those naughty hands safe.

At the same time, convenience is my friend. If I ever reach my goal of 20 children, I might not have time to personally transport each kid to school. (Unless I get that reality show I'm after, in which case, we'll hire a driver on TLC's tab.)

Same goes for school lunches. I fancy myself a brown sacker, but will I really have the energy to put together a cohesive lunch with food that kids actually like, or will Miss Dub be the only one pulling out cold refried beans and a spoon? Besides, aren't school lunches, like, all healthy these days? And is it cool to buy your lunch now? (It wasn't when I was younger, so I pretended to be put out, but I secretly loved the french bread pizza and ice-cream scooped mashed potatoes.)

So, tell me, dear friends and (more) seasoned mothers -

School bus: yea or nay?

School lunch: pack it or purchase it?

Dish.

Banana bread french toast

2008-11-17T06:22:00.000-06:00

It is real, my friends, and available at our favorite brunch spot. Everything they have is good. So good that my bro-in-law is insisting we go there right now and get some before he catches his morning flight back to Japan.

I'm going to order the apple cinnamon oatmeal. Just kidding, if you ordered that I wouldn't be your friend. Just kidding, I would be your friend, but I would think in my mind, "Uh, live a little. You can eat oatmeal at home." Just kidding, I would probably say something out loud like, "Wow, you're adventurous." But I'd be sarcastic, and if you didn't get it, I wouldn't be your friend. Just kidding.

I think I'm going to order the Fresca omelet today, or maybe the Southern Benedict. (Please don't read the description, or you might not want to be my friend any more, because you'll know how clogged my arteries are, and you won't want to get into a doomed relationship.)

What would you order?

If I was a fancy blogger - er, flogger? - I would take a picture of it and it would look so cute, with just the right amount of my floral skirt and mustard yellow shoes peeking through. But my food might get cold, plus I'll probably go in too-tight lounge pants with a greasy ponytail. And no one wants to look at that when discussing food. I know, Mr. Dub tells me all the time. Just kidding, he doesn't, but he probably thinks it. Just kidding, I can't read his mind all the time, just most of it.

p.s. What's your favorite breakfast food? Mine is Eggs Benedict. I bought it a friendship charm, I love it so much.

p.p.s. I actually wrote the "just kidding" riff without realizing I stole it from here. Is it plagiarism when its unintentional?

I'm suddenly afraid of heights

2008-11-14T21:18:00.003-06:00

Mr. Dub is on the phone with me right now! (Take that Twitter.)

His brother is in town from Japan, so he was looking up things to do downtown. He found information about visiting the Hancock Tower and ...

Mr. Dub: Guess who does the narration for the audio tour of the Hancock Tower? I'll give you two guesses.

Me: Is it going to be someone you don't expect, who is funny?

Mr. Dub: No, this person is not funny.

Me: Christopher Walken?

Mr. Dub: No, that would be funny.

Me: I don't know, who?

Mr. Dub: David Schwimmer.

Me: What??

Mr. Dub: Could you think of someone more annoying to listen to for 45 minutes?

Me: I really couldn't.

Mr. Dub: Maybe he's a civil servant for Chicago.