Imagination Is The Key To Freedom

It is time.......

2008-07-04T13:19:00.006+08:00

Blogging no longer means the same to me as it did when I first started out four years ago. It has become somewhat lost and without direction. Bkworm needs to take a long break; perhaps one she will not return from.

Take care, you guys. It has been a good run.

A Vision of Happiness

2008-06-30T21:59:00.003+08:00

Have you ever seen a vision of happiness?

Jomel was the perfect picture of that vision last Saturday evening.

We, the Bkworms were honored to be able to share in the joy of her wedding to Mr. D as they celebrated their union together with friends and loved ones at a poolside reception that evening.

As both the bride and groom came down the red carpeted walkway that was strewn with rose petals, I felt overwhelmed as I recalled the many ups and downs that Jomel had been through in these last few years. And there she was, beaming in happiness as she walked beside the man who has made things all right again for her. Dressed in soft flowing pink, she smiled shyly at those who began to gather around her, reaching out to touch and hug her; all wanting to let her know that we all share her joy of finding love again.

The decor was simple yet elegant and the choice of food excellent, with lovely carvings of both the bride and groom’s names engraved on the fruit display. It was a buffet set up and that allowed guests to move about freely, giving the whole gathering a more relaxed atmosphere. Instead of the usual three tiered wedding cake, they thrilled us with a unique presentation of beautifully decorated cupcakes in the shape of a tiered wedding cake. I was delighted that the little flower sitting atop each cupcake was as purple in color as my Barney hued dress!

(oops....who's that in purple??)

But what struck me most that night were two things. Firstly, it was the heartfelt speech that Jomel’s new sister-in-law gave as a toast to the new couple. It was touching to hear how her family welcome Jomel into the family with open hearts and open arms and the tribute that they paid to Jomel as a woman of strength and integrity. Jomel has surely emerged a stronger person through the many tests and trials that she has been through from a very young age. A lesser woman would have buckled in defeat.

Maybe those are the qualities that have won Mr. D’s heart. I didn’t have much opportunity to talk to Mr. D who is ‘ying chun, siew sa’ – charming, to say the least. When he dedicated a poem to his wife, (this being the second thing), he was so choked with emotion that, I am sure all of us present that night, felt his immense love for the object of his affection. Later, he got everyone’s attention when he serenaded his bride with Ronan Keating’s ‘In This Life’ and he sang it acapella! I bet he brought more than a tear to Jomel’s eyes. A perfect dedication for a woman who has always longed for romantic fairy tale endings.

If there was only one thing that I took away with me that night, it must be the picture of bliss that was on Jomel’s face. It lit up her entire visage and it is a testimony that God never forgets those that He loves for He has encircled Jomel and her two little girls with the love of a husband and a father in Mr. D.

God bless you, Jomel & Mr. D. May you live long and happy together!

Barney at the wedding?

2008-06-26T13:20:00.007+08:00

After such pleasant memories of my own wedding, I am brought down to earth by the little purple thingy that is now hanging in my cupboard. (Yes, Jomel, if you are reading this, it's purple in color.) The formerly svelte figure in ivory five years ago is going to try and look (a lot) less fat in this purple dress which will be gracing a dear friend's wedding reception this Saturday.
I have scoured the lengths and breaths of several malls these last two week, dropped in unashamedly to boutiques for larger women but couldn't find the perfect dress. Not that the dress is not perfect but the figure isn't! The covered ones make me look frumpy and 'ah-soh' (read, old) and the revealing ones will be showing so much extra and unwanted flesh that I am sure Papa Bkworm will refuse to be seen in public with me.

When I finally walked into Zara with legs that were so numbed from dress hunting, I was ready to just take anything that will ...... fit. Little Bkworm came into the fitting room with me and with a choice of two different designs, she sighed away her approval for one of them, if only to stop me from going into another boutique after that. Do you think they put magic mirrors in fitting rooms because when I came home and tried on my purchase, I looked much bigger! Uh-oh!!

Tonight, I am going to ransack my cupboard for that shawl that may just be my saving grace when I show up at the reception on Saturday night, looking like an oversized Barney!

Or worse, Miss Piggy in purple.

Some Wonderful Memories

2008-06-25T10:43:00.006+08:00

Jomel is feeling the jitters about her upcoming wedding. And reading about it in her blog, reminded me of my big day not so long ago. I was short of a month from my fortieth birthday when Papa Bkworm and I tied the knot on a sunny Saturday morning.

We had only four months to prepare. From the proposal to the altar. It wasn't the altar, really. BUT we had a great time anyway, feeling both excited and nervous at the same time, standing before the Registrar at the Jabatan Pendaftaran in our full wedding regalia. Not many brides would turn up at the Registration Department wearing a wedding gown complete with flowers and all for a civil ceremony! Talk about being the centre of attention. There were two other couples who went in before us and each couple only went into the room with their two witnesses. We went in with our entourage of ten! And picture this..... two of them who were supposed to videotape and take photos of the signing ceremony were moving about so much trying to get the best shot that the Registrar had to request that pictures should only be taken from behind her because she doesn't want to be photographed! Thank God that she didn't chase all of us out!

The preparation was a far cry from the one that took place twenty years before that. My parents organized everything, right up to the kind of nightie that I would be wearing on my wedding night. It looked more like a pink cotton housecoat with buttons right up to the neck! All I had to do was to wake up on the morning of the wedding, put on my wedding gown and do what the tai kam che' tells me to do for the rest of the day.

Twenty years later, I took charge of the planning. And Papa Bkworm took charge of the finances. We came up with a role sheet, delegated different tasks to our close friends who had volunteered to help out, booked the restaurant, designed the invitations, arranged for the wedding photography and planned the honeymoon together. Amidst the flurry of activity, there was a constant nagging thought at the back of our minds. Would Papa Bkworm's parents relent and come to the wedding?

My in-laws and I get on fine now but it wasn't always like that. Being a parent, I understand their initial objections and disdain for a relationship which they saw as unbalanced and wrong. Their eldest son was going to take an older, single parent as his wife. A woman with a teenage son and a young daughter. Nothing short of a miracle could have turned their animosity to the acceptance and love that his parents and I share today.

They didn't come for the wedding. But Papa Bkworm's siblings were present and I think that almost completed our joy. Jomel's entry 'Striving For Perfection', again made me think of how disappointed I was when Lara couldn't attend the wedding because SARS struck this part of Asia during that period in 2003. Singapore was also quite seriously affected by the epidemic and Lara kept having a fever that wouldn't go away just before the wedding. There was no way she would have made it past the stringent health check at the Immigration checkpoint. Despite this hiccup, we were totally but pleasantly taken aback when one of Papa Bkworm's closest friend flew back from Hong Kong to attend our lunch reception. He was unable to confirm his attendance earlier because Hong Kong was also badly hit by SARS but he turned up in the end, hale and hearty. We were grateful for his presence just as we were overjoyed at the support of friends and family who celebrated together with us that day.

It wasn't perfect. We still cringe thinking about some of the boo-boos that happened despite our best efforts to keep things according to plan. Perhaps there were things we could have done better. I should have done a music video - imagine for a moment, Bkworm doing a version of Shania Twain's Gonna Getcha and dedicating it to Papa Bkworm at the lunch reception! (Haha, maybe I will do a grandma version at our anniversary years from now!) We would have loved a church wedding, complete with a dreamy walk down the aisle as Papa Bkworm awaits at the altar in a white tux but that was not to be. Instead, we had a pastor friend pray a blessing over us at our reception.

The wonderful and warm memories from the time of preparation until we sent off our last guest with hugs and kisses - these shall stay with us for the rest of our lives. And to us, perfection has been achieved.

When He Plays, She Prays

2008-06-19T18:11:00.005+08:00

Parenthood comes with a price. Not only does one get a replica of oneself but also a life long responsibility of being emotionally attached to one’s offspring. It’s not something you buy off the shelf and then have it shelved if doesn't work according to your specifications. But the hurts can go deep.

I love my children. I still have albums of photographs taken when they were babies and just about every milestone in their young lives. And I often wonder how I had managed to bring them up. It had seemed effortless at first but then, for that, I have my parents to thank. They were there for the children when I was working. They were there for them when I was going through my own emotional roller coaster. It was only when I became a stay at home mum, that I took back the reins. By then, like a young sapling that has become a big tree, changes become twice as hard, if not, almost impossible.

Why am I being so melancholic today? I am just reflecting on the heartache of not being able to get through to their little heads. Am I being too much of a queen control? Is it wrong to want your children to do well in life; to do better than me in life? Have I forgotten my own uncertainties when I was at their age and yet I seemed to have turned out quite all right in the end; albeit a little late in life and not discounting the fact that there were a lot of life’s lessons to learn along the way.

The words, “When I was at your age…..” are perpetually at the tip of my tongue but I have to remind myself time and again that when I was at their age, there were no handphones and no iPods. When I was at their age, there were no video games and life was simpler in more ways than one. We never dare to talk back to our elders. We didn’t question their instructions; obeying was the ONLY option. Well, at least, it was like that in my own life. I try to understand my children. I want to understand them – what makes them tick, what makes them do the things they do. It’s a terrible thing when you see them walking towards a pothole in life and you yell out to them to look out and all you get is, “Leave me alone!”. If only they know that I feel every tear that roll down their cheeks when things go wrong and I feel every frustration that they go through when things don't turn out the way they want.

I know they are individuals in their own right. They are not me. They have their own path, a journey already written by God when He created them. But like me, they must make their own choices which will influence the direction they shall be taking along that path. I know. I know. But it’s much harder to live that knowledge and let go.

A friend told me a story about a woman and her son who seemed wayward and unteachable. The woman had only one response.

When he plays, she prays.

Will you pray along with me?

Lonely, I am SO lonely....

2008-06-18T21:46:00.003+08:00

Do you know how many times I have typed this line? (All 50 characters including the spaces and the question mark!) I guess it doesn’t matter since you are obviously reading it already. Yes, I am getting a little weird here, perhaps from having too much of loneliness.

Are you ever lonely? I think that is happening to me today. Big time. I switched on the PC to blog but not a word of inspiration came. I checked my Yahoo Messenger, MSN and Skype and they stared back at me in a silence, so loud, that I decided to quit the applications and move on. Who would be online in the middle of the afternoon, anyway. Even the pokes from Facebook are not forthcoming. So much for social networking. Little Bkworm’s not back from her school activities and Papa Bkworm’s entertaining his big boss from Hong Kong until late, so no chance of disturbing him either. The little key pad on my mobile has gone all shiny from continuous scrolling through the address book looking for a friend, any friend to call. I badly need someone to talk to. Anyone. I am not into afternoon soaps on the telly and the books that I have mostly half read are as dry as the weather has been lately.

I avoid the kitchen unless it’s compulsory. Like making dinner. The housework’s mostly done except for the little cobwebs that never seem to go away. I spied the Bible sitting in its usual corner. I flipped it open and wait for a word of exhortation, very much like how a lightning would strike the ground just before an oncoming storm. But nothing. Drier than the book of Ezekiel, they say. And before I could go from a prayer of confession to thanksgiving, my mind was already thinking about a friend’s poolside wedding reception next Saturday and I have nothing to wear! Forgive the diversion, Lord.

I must have measured the length and breath of my little apartment, moved from the sofa to the bed and then back to the sofa again but yet unable to find that something that is missing from my day. Purpose.

The pains were not helping either, so I just popped a painkiller and hope to get some sleep. Maybe I will find it tomorrow.

By the way, have you ever been lonely?

Sweet Reflection

2008-06-17T07:46:00.007+08:00

Papa Bkworm just left for work and I have another hour before I make my way to the office. I was watching him tie his shoe laces and suddenly a flash of the past came to my mind.

We met almost fifteen years ago. We started out as friends. And fast friends we became. I found him funny yet profoundly intelligent. Gentle and caring in his ways. Mind you, he has his idiosyncracies. But don't we all, to some degree or another? He was so young then. I was much older but never really felt the age difference though most people would naturally assume him to be younger due to his (very) youthful disposition. Baby face, they call it.

When we eventually ended up together, some poked fun and said I was cradle snatching. Little did they know how much his strength has carried me through dark days. And the bond is uncanny. We could actually finish each other's sentences. We agree on most things though we are entire opposites when it comes to money. In a toast at our wedding, someone said that Papa Bkworm will be making the money and I will be spending it! He IS prudence personified and I..... I am just more generous with money. LOL!!

As he was tying his shoe laces this morning, I thought of the times when we had enjoyed countless lunches at the lane opposite our office and the many evenings when he would send me for Bible Study classes in church even though he did not know Christ then. And how we would hide behind the giant pillars outside our office because inevitably some 'sibuk' colleagues from other departments would come out for lunch at the same time and snigger at the odd couple...us. Though we were like two peas in a pod, seemingly inseparable, never, never did I imagine that years later, he would become my husband. We were supposed to be just best friends and kindred spirits separated by time and circumstances.

Sometimes in the midst of being married, we forget the special moments that bring us together. Simple gestures, ordinary events. But they paved the way to where we are today.

He got up from the little stool which we placed at the door. A kiss and a hug and he was off to work. And this reflection will carry me through another day.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy

2008-06-15T14:47:00.000+08:00

I don't remember much of my relationship with my dad in my younger days. My mind sees a larger than life picture of my mother and my sisters in the family but dad's always somewhere in the background. He was the man of the house, someone we revered and to a degree, feared but we knew who ruled the roost.

Yet, it was Dad that brought home the bread, diligently month after month until he retired at 60. He fixed whatever that needed fixing around the house. He was the driver that took us anywhere we needed to go. Silent support through the years. Strangely, it was after Mum died, that he became, well, sort of real. We actually hold real conversations whenever I go back home to visit. We talk about my uncles and aunts. About politics. About the price hike in petrol. Just about anything under the sun. Just yesterday, he even expressed concern that my niece, his granddaughter has yet to conceive after six years of marriage and that he wanted to give them some 'advice' on the matter!

After forty five years of carrying the family name, it was only recently that I found out what my grandparents (whom I have never met) did for a living when they were alive and a little bit more about my great grandparents who came from Guongzhou, China. Somehow, I needed to play catch up with my Dad; to know him and to know my roots.

Dad (the eldest son) in his dark shorts with some of his siblings (5 out of 12) together with my Yeh-Yeh (Grandpa) about 75 years ago.

My Dad is gentle in person, yet strong in spirit. A poem which was read out by my church pastor this morning couldn't have expressed it better about my father.

Daddy, Happy Father's Day. I love you.

What Makes a Dad

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it ... Dad

Author Unknown

And to all the fathers, stepfathers, fathers-to-be and spiritual fathers out there, Happy Father's Day!

Eight Days Ago

2008-06-14T13:45:00.004+08:00

I had wanted a grand birthday celebration when I turned 45. Five more years to the big five zero. Maybe do the Macarena and dance till the cows come home. I refuse to grow old or rather, one year older.

But what you want is not necessarily what you will get. My birthday slipped in quietly on the morning of the 6th and left equally incognito 24 hours later. Well, almost. A handful of birthday messages came in through SMS and Facebook. There were no bundles of presents to open and it passed just like any other day. As I had taken leave from work for my birthday, my colleague had presented me with a lovely gift pack from Crabtree & Evelyn a few days earlier and THAT had already been opened before the actual day. I couldn't wait! Of course, the gift delighted me to bits and helped to soothe the worries of an upcoming appointment with my gynae. (which I may write about later).

Papa Bkworm didn't let the day go by without a touch of pomp and fanfare so he dropped a hint with the servers at Italiannies where we had my birthday dinner and that brought a group of servers to our table just before dessert was served. They sang. With tambourines and gusto, they make it known that Bkworm was celebrating her birthday and I even got to blow a candle which sat on top of a slice of bread and butter pudding, compliments of the restaurant. Awww.....the Filipino server and leader of the pack is so cute! *feels like a teenager all over again*

I felt the heat rise to my face as they sang on top of their voices. Make no mistake. It was not a case of the hot flushes but really, Bkworm was blushing! That, sort of made up for the lack of a real birthday cake this year, though no fault of anyone since I had specifically requested that none should be bought as the last one we got for Little Bkworm's birthday took up a lot of fridge space when nobody took more than a slice each from the 1kg cake.

The next evening, as we were standing outside GSC waiting for the Prince Caspian movie to start, Papa Bkworm handed me a plastic bag. Inside was this - a hardcover volume of Sex And The City : The Movie.

It was a lovely surprise because I didn't even know that this book was already available in the bookstores. I've watched the entire six seasons of SATC and I am really looking forward to watch the movie, though not necessarily at the cinema, if you know what I mean. Will Carrie really marry Mr. Big in the end? And can Smith Jerrod finally tame Samantha Jones and make her a one man woman at last? Eeee.....I can't wait.

God willing, if I get to my fiftieth year, I shall have that grand celebration with a grandkid in tow, huh?? *laughs out loud*

A Very Short Break at Nipah Bay

2008-06-13T21:34:00.002+08:00

About two weeks ago as the Bkworms were frolicking about in the not-as-clear-as-Redang waters of Pangkor Island, I was drafting a blog entry in my head. We were trigger happy with the camera and I had so many thoughts lined up, I figured it would take me days to post them all up. In the end, I just posted an album of photos on Facebook. Done. No need to rack my brains further.

Several years ago when I was still in my thirties (ok, it was more than several years ago!) AND single, I had gone on budget holidays to Redang and Phuket; staying at one star hotels/chalets and surely not soaking in luxury of any form. As long as the toilets were clean, the rest didn't really matter. After all, where would one spend the bulk of one's time at the beach, if not at the beach!

Fast forward a few years and I am almost ashamed at my initial reaction when I reached our hotel of destination in Pangkor. I was horrified at the size of the chalet (though I have stayed in smaller ones), turned my nose up on the simple (but working) shower head and a toilet that won't flush. Little Bkworm was more vocal and made it quite clear that she would not be showering for the next three days in such a bare looking toilet/bath and a sink that have seen better days. Never mind that she had it worse when she was at her KRS youth camp two months ago. I swallowed the rising complaints that were already at the tip of my tongue and tried to help her see the positive side of things i.e. a beach that is a street walk away, packed to the brim with holiday makers and no semi naked Caucasian men resembling Matthew McConaughey at the beach!

But as the sun began to set and we spied the many road side stalls selling souvenirs and snorkels with the smell of barbequed seafood wafting through the air, I felt life seeping back into my tired body. The four hour journey from home to this island off the state of Perak had been long and arduous; the wait for the ferry ride was torturous! After the initial disappointment at our dismal quarters, the simple life of hornbills and barefooted children running around dripping wet from a swim in the sea was a nice change indeed. The next morning, we went further away from the crowds and spent a leisurely first half of the day in a quieter section of the beach. I bravely put on my teeny weeny bikini top but hidden under a short singlet and was mostly hiding in the water, lest I should be hauled up for indecent exposure since we didn't see any other females (no, not one person) in sight that had a swimsuit on. No, they were not naked. Rather, most of the holiday makers were covered up right up to their heads and they were clad the same way when they went into the waters. T-shirts, sarongs, track suits and head scarves! Yes, they all went a swimming along with screaming kids and rubber tubes.

My little gray singlet and blue swimming shorts would have been an abomination to them, not to mention the layers of fat that, I swear, were never there before I turned 40 just five years ago!

The holiday was short. Three days and two nights. Given more time, perhaps I would have summoned up enough courage to go on the banana boat ride or whiz around on a water scooter. I vaguely remembered saying something similar after I returned from a holiday to Phuket some years back. That would have been a nice feather in my cap before I turned 45 just a few days after I returned to KL.

Thank God for Astro and mobile coverage, we were still in touch with our movies and handphones. Just goes to show how spoilt, us city rats have become. Having stayed all our lives in the hustle bustle of a big city, lounging at the beach is indeed a nice break but give us a week more, I think I would be missing the malls, expensive coffee and of course, Wifi!

On the last day of our holiday, Little Bkworm asked if we could return and stay at the Havana Beach Resort again next year. Sort of like an annual pilgrimage. It looked like the young lady has gotten over her early disdain for the simpler things in life, hasn't she?

p.s. The Resort's not bad, actually. The place is quite popular with families and is located along one of the nicer beaches in Pangkor. Staff were friendly and helpful and if you don't mind the bare necessities, you will find the price affordable and a nice place to just relax for a few carefree days. Apart from that flush that wasn't working properly, they even had Star Movies playing on Astro (for entertainment when there is nothing else to do at night after a delicious dinner of barbequed seafood!) and most of their chalets are also fully airconditioned for additional comfort.

Why I Have No Time

2008-05-23T20:46:00.005+08:00

A friend has been lending me DVDs of the newer TVB Chinese series and I always tell her that I won’t be able to give them back to her quickly. She’s ok with that but simply cannot accept my reasons when I tell her that “I have no time!”

Fifteen years ago, I didn’t even know how to use a mouse. Ten years ago, I was intrigued with this thing called the Internet. I opened my first email account and learned how to chat on ICQ.

A month ago, I taught this same friend how to use Skype and just today, Facebook! Talk about evolving with the times. But I was only too glad to help. One more friend to chat on Skype and connect via Facebook, eh? *wink*

Yet what I can impart to her is so little compared to the knowledge of the young ones. Little Bkworm’s Friendster page is so colorful and full of blinking pictures with music to boot. She learnt it from her friends and I, in turn, am learning from her! Who says, the young cannot teach the old?

There is still so much to learn. And so much to do on the Internet. Don't know something? Check the Net. What's that thing again? Let's Google it! On top of that, I hardly have time to blog, go through my blogroll or check my Facebook. In short, barely scratching the surface of cyberspace. At this age?? Yep, I am no spunky youngster with the hots for computer games and neither am I some computer whiz that reads computer language like how one would read Shakespeare, but I AM addicted. That quite explains why “I have no time”.

Oh, did I ever mention that sometimes Papa Bkworm and I skype each other in the same room (ok, we were mainly sharing files which is faster than sending it by email) and buzz Little Bkworm who’s chatting online in the next room, to tell her that it’s time to shut down the PC and go to bed!

In case you think we can getting a little dysfunctional here, human related activities are still very much alive in this household…..when we are not busy at the PC. LOL!!

Have a great weekend, ya’ll!

Vision Vs. Vanity

2008-05-22T07:53:00.000+08:00

I love to read. But I don't read as much nowadays for the simple reason that I can't see the words clearly anymore. They have large print Bibles and Reader's Digest but I have yet to find books that have print big enough for me to read without my glasses on. I am not talking about myopia - short sighted but hyperopia - long sightedness.

Two years ago, I finally conceded defeat and went to make a pair of multi-focals. It was akin to admitting that I am now OLD! Only old people need reading glasses, no? My parents' bifocals came to mind. Lenses with a line in the middle; the top part for far vision and the bottom, for near. Multi-focals nowadays are just like your normal pair of glasses anyway.

But still, I got over my vanity and was thrilled that I didn't have to strain to read the text messages on my mobile or the fine print in the newspapers. Never mind that I couldn't wear the normal type of contact lens anymore because I would need to use a separate pair of reading glasses for, well, reading. But lately, the problem has resurfaced. According to my optician, while my short sightedness has stabilized, my long sightedness will worsen as I age! Reading is becoming such a bane and my eyes are usually so tired at the end of the day that getting out of bed the next day was sheer torture!

Last week, I had a brainwave. Actually, I had discovered by accident that I could wear my contact lens and still read reasonably well at the same time. I had put on one side of the lens and as I was searching for the other side in the disposable pack, I saw that I could read the tiny print on the top of the box! I remembered my boss telling me that she had gone for Lasik surgery to correct the vision on one eye as her ophthalmologist had advised that both her eyes would adjust eventually and she wouldn't need reading glasses after the surgery; depending on one good eye and the other still uncorrected to focus both near and far. So I cheated a little and went out with only one contact lens. It worked. And no, I didn't miss a step and fell into the drain.

I popped by my optician just to make sure that walking around with only one lens won't worsen my eyesight. Apparently, I am not the only one and it's all right to do so as long as I don't mind a less than perfect vision with only one lens. Although they do have multi-focal contact lens, I heard that they are relatively new technology and therefore, still very expensive.

The downside is, while looking better with my contact lens, I would still need to wear my reading glasses when using the computer. The distance is too far for sharp focus. So what's the point, huh? At the end of the day, my eyes still feel tired, I guess, from the strain of both eyes trying to focus with only one contact lens.

I may be vain but not entirely stupid, so I guess it's back to my multi-focals until I can afford to get those expensive contact lens I talked about earlier.

Anyone of you out there have the same problem as I do?

Mother And Friend?

2008-05-20T08:43:00.001+08:00

I once read in one of those parental guidance books where the author said that a mother IS a parent and therefore, can never be a friend. The author also went on to say that a mother who wants to be a friend cannot exert her authority as a parent fully and no child, especially teens would see their parent as a friend because friends and parents are, well, different.

I never thought of my own mother as a friend. She was my mother. Period. She took care of my needs, cooked for me, sewed my clothes, fed me medicine when I was sick and even helped me with my homework. I remembered how she would painstakingly helped me do my maps for geography and we would both be coloring those maps into the deep of the night! But we never discussed personal stuff and definitely nothing about boys. That was a taboo subject and very unbecoming of a young lady to be talking about the opposite sex. Any lessons on staying pure before marriage and warnings on premarital sex were given through veiled references to the Chinese movies we would watch together sometimes.

Years late, now with a teenage daughter of my own, I discover that it is not an easy thing to stay 'communicated' with the young lady. It's like walking on a tight rope. A balancing act - not to hold on too much, lest she should suffocate and yet having to stay firm so that she remains on the straight road. With so much more exposure to the world via different kinds of media, not to mention peer influence, Little Bkworm is a lot more street smart than I ever was when I was at her age.

My mother would never have allowed me to gush over Jason Castro (of American Idol fame) or even the cute school captain, as in the case with Little Bkworm now, whose vocabulary has been restricted to only three words - "He is SO hot!", something I hear almost every day. But I don't berate her immediately because if she cannot talk to me about something that is important enough for her to want to share, she certainly will not want to share anything else in her life later on. And as she faces more challenges in life, I would want to be there for her; not only to guide her but also to be family that she can turn to, in times of need.

While I want to keep a friendly ear and open mind before her, I also remind her that all this is part of growing up. Her feelings of love which seem so real now IS real to her but in actual fact would eventually fade because they are rooted in fantasy. How can you fall in love with someone without actually knowing them?

Having said all that, Little Bkworm is not all sugar and spice. There are times when I feel I am hitting a wall with her. Young people are strange. I should know. I was young once. She comes crying about a tiff with her friends but on the other hand still want to hang on to the 'friendship' because they are all she has. I want to tell her that all is not lost; that real friends don't treat each other like that but when you are thirteen and you want to fit in, reality advice like this don't really mean anything. So I just tell her like it is, hug her and let her know that no matter what, her family is still solidly behind her. I can almost hear her tell herself, "Mum doesn't really understand my problem", though I wish I can make her believe that I have gone through it and I really know how she feels.

While she is learning to grapple with adolescence, so I, too am learning to become a mother of a teenage daughter. And it's going to be a challenging task.

Taking A Break Too Far

2008-05-19T16:34:00.008+08:00

Too much walking from all that shopping? Need a place to rest your tired feet? What better way to enjoy a cup of coffee and relax than to find a comfortable sofa at Starbucks and put your feet up to 'recuperate'!

I was appalled at the lack of civic mindedness when I spotted this customer taking a break while sipping her iced drink and chatting on her mobile phone with her legs stretched out in front of her onto the other sofa chair placed directly across her. The middle aged woman was well dressed in a white colored pantsuit and judging from the shopping bags placed on the other sofa, money's not an issue either. She was oblivious to the din around her and it was quite a sight watching her twiddling her stockinged toes in public.

It was all the more shocking because the Starbucks outlet was very crowded at that time of day and I even overheard a customer asking another if she may share a table because there were no other available seats.

When I left an hour later, she was still enjoying the great Starbucks hospitality with her feet still off the ground.

From One Airport To Another

2008-05-18T00:40:00.001+08:00

My 83 year old father boarded a flight to Singapore yesterday evening. It was his first flight alone and a first, using budget airline, Tiger Airways. Though I was worried about him being alone on the fifty five minute flight, I was more than happy to see him take a short vacation with Lara, away from some rather unpleasant events that have taken place recently; that I shall get into, in another entry.

Tiger Airways operates from the LCCT - our Low Cost Carrier Terminal which is located approximately 20km from the KL International Airport Main Terminal. Since AirAsia's inception in 2001, I have never taken a flight on AirAsia. And when its operations were moved to the LCCT, I have never set foot in this budget terminal until today. I shouldn't be surprised at the hustle and bustle at the airport;the noise and crowds remind me of the market! Its' CEO, Tony Fernandes surely had his vision realised when he said "Now Everyone Can Fly". But Dad didn't fly AirAsia yesterday. Lara booked him on Tiger Airways from Singapore as it worked out to be about RM100 cheaper.

A few shots of the LCCT from the outside. Couldn't take any inside. Much too crowded.

My colleague took a flight from LCCT when she went on holiday last year and she told me that the terminal looks like a warehouse. I thought she was joking but it wasn't too far from the truth. Everything looked haphazard and the place was so crowded, there was no place to sit! People were almost running into each other with baggage trolleys and all the eateries there were spilling over with people. But then again, what more can we expect when the fare's so cheap, huh? At least, they still have McDonald's and Coffee Bean there, neither of which I can do without. *wink*

Can you spot Coffee Bean??

On the upside, I was quite impressed with Tiger Airways when I requested for assistance for my Dad; that the crew will look out for him and make sure he doesn't end up waiting at the wrong gate or boarding the wrong flight since I won't be able to stay with him until he is safely in the plane. The stewardess at the check in counter accompanied my dad through the immigration check and walked with him to the boarding gate. I supposed everything went well because he arrived safely at Changi Airport an hour later.

My handsome Dad happy to be spending the next few days with his other daughter!

After we left the LCCT, we drove towards Subang Airport Terminal 3, which is about 50 km away. Hence the title "From one airport to another"!

It was a little early for dinner but it was an opportunity to have my favorite crabs at Lala Chong which is situated just opposite Terminal 3. I have blogged about Lala Chong before here and here. It was pure bliss soaking the steamed buns into the crab gravy and slurping every bit of it, wishing that the magical eating fest would never end. In case, you too, are a Lala Chong fan, the proprietor mentioned that they may be moving to their other branch which is currently already operating at No. 31, Jalan PJU 1A/5A, Ara Damansara, PJ.

I thought that was a fitting end to a long day out....mostly driving on the long, long road to the LCCT and back. But those crabs were worth it.

Chasing The Alphabets

2008-05-17T07:14:00.000+08:00

They used to have Scrabble. Now they have Scramble.

And that's exactly what Papa Bkworm has been scrambling for almost every night before he goes to bed. His version of a night cap!

Scramble requires its' players to make as many words from the alphabets given on the game board. The trick is these words must be in order and they must be connected. The competitive streak in Papa Bkworm has got him chasing game after game every night, trying to beat his last best score. There's an ambitious Capricorn for you.

He could have his office work all laid out on the desk but his fingers would be tapping away on the keyboard; not doing his project paper or spreadsheets but trying to beat the clock, trying to find those elusive words from the alphabets on the screen.

So until the addiction dies, he only has eyes for those sixteen alphabets on the game board, I'm afraid.

Do you think a nice new negligee will do the trick?

Returned To Sender

2008-05-16T08:49:00.001+08:00

This entry is about lost chances; ones that can never be found again, leaving one too late for regrets.

I knew Nori since my early working years more than twenty years ago. We didn't talk much with each other at first. She had a very fierce countenance especially if she wasn't smiling but once you get to her funny side, her laughter literally boomed across the office. She was garrulous, at the same time, open hearted with those who know her.

Sometimes similar circumstances bring people together. We found solace in each other as we went through difficult times in our respective marriages. We both came out of it, seemingly unscathed at first but in the end, still could not salvage what went wrong in the first place.

After I left the company, I continued to stay in touch with her. Come each September, I would send her a birthday card. She was still with the same company but as she worked shifts in the Call Center and since I didn't have her home contact number or address, the annual birthday card was all we had. I didn't know how much the cards meant to her until a mutual friend told me that Nori had quoted this as an example during a company training session on how much she had appreciated my efforts to stay in touch with her through the years.

Last September, as in past years, I mailed out a birthday card to her. Two weeks later, the card was returned with the reason that she was no longer with the company. I put it aside, meaning to get in touch with another mutual friend to find out where Nori had moved away to. The weeks passed. The school holidays came and then there was all that Christmas festivities. School reopened in January and more hustle and bustle, trying to settle Little Bkworm into secondary school. The returned card got pushed further and further into my pile of things to do.

In February this year, as I was browsing along the aisles of a supermarket in Singapore, I received an SMS. It carried sad news. Nori had passed away suddenly. Nori who wasn't much older than me had died of a stroke.

I still remember the wave of cold that swept over me as I read that sms. A million 'should haves' ran through my mind. I wasn't much a friend, was I? All those years of card sending amounted to nothing because I didn't actively pursue that friendship when a 'Returned To Sender' was stamped over a card, foolishly believing that all those earlier cards I sent were sufficient to 'keep in touch'. I should have tried to contact her earlier. I should have made that effort. I should have but I didn't and now all that are left are regrets.

And that is a difficult thing to live with.

Of Mommies Blogs and Blogging

2008-05-15T20:31:00.002+08:00

I've had this blog for about more than 3 1/2 years now. It started with a need to write down my thoughts, especially after my mother's death. Also, that period coincided with my stay-at-home phase where I actually thought the writer in me was going to burst forth and I was going to make my millions selling my first book. Of course, I know better now. Sigh!

Then there came a phase where I pushed myself to update my blog everyday. A new entry must somehow be birthed to let my readers know what was going on in my life. New day, new entry. I still remember the intensity and the intense pressure I put on myself when I couldn't come up with anything by the end of the day.

The pressure has not exactly eased that much since then. It just comes in waves. LOL!! The recent one got me off the blog radar for more than three weeks. Then the Man With The Hammer came yesterday and it broke the silence.

This morning as I was going through my blog feeds, I felt so overwhelmed by BP's entry. She writes so beautifully and with such ease. The words just flow one after another. I really believe it is her love for her family that oils every sentence, gushing out of her words to reach and bless her readers. Her pictures paint a thousand words and more. Each frame tells its' own story and the ones about her two young sons endear her family even more to her readers. She may be thousands of miles away from where I live but her blog brings her closer than a neighbour, dearer than a friend. Having singled her out, I don't think any less of all the other mommy blogs that I read - Stay-At-Home Mum, MamaBok, Peep-a-Peek, Gargies just to name a few. All special in their own ways. All with their own unique stories to tell.

Their children are still so young. I feel old just reading about them *wink* ....... stories of milk bottles and diapers. Kids in kindy. Trips to dentists and doctors. Every day is a new experience. I reminisce and smile at the pride of each mommy as they regale excitedly over every milestone in their youngsters' journey in life. Because, I too have been there. My little boy is now a man. My Little Bkworm has just officially became a teenager. She turned 13 this past Monday. Due to their nine year age gap and also the many things that have happened when Phoenix was in his teens, I believe my experience as a mother of a teenage daughter will be a new one all over again.

And that's going to be a lot of blog material to work on, don't you think?

The Man With The Hammer

2008-05-14T14:35:00.004+08:00

I usually don't blog about office stuff but this.....I got to share.

Aside from my two bosses, there is only one other staff working together with me. This morning both my bosses were away for a convention in town, leaving me to man the fort until my colleague arrives later in the morning. But she called in later to say that she was still stuck in the doctor's office and would be late.

So there I was, enjoying the solitude and the liberty to do my work without being disturbed when a man came to the office door. He knocked on the glass panel and I went to see what he wanted. You see, we just moved to a new office, so contractors and suppliers are still coming around to put in the finishing touches. This guy is middle aged and he waved a delivery order at me from the other side of the glass door. He was supposed to come and fix some chairs in the meeting room. I know I always teach my kids never to open the door to strangers but I opened the door to let him in.

I showed him to the meeting room and he proceeded to repair those new chairs. After a while, he turned and asked for my boss. I told him that she was not in. His next question - "You are ALL alone then?"

I, immediately went on red alert.

The office space is not very big - just the size of one shop office. He could very well see that I was alone at that moment. I told him that my colleague has just stepped out for a while and will be back soon.

He walked towards me, his hammer swinging beside him. I tell you, he could have hammered me with it and no one would find my body until much later!

(Yeah, that was how it looked like!)

"Okay, the job's done. Sign on the D/O and give me back the last two copies".

I went back to my desk, signed the D/O and had it stamped before handing it back to him. From the corner of my eye, I could see that that his eyes were darting around. I quickly gave him back his copies and ushered him out the door!

Then only could I breathe a sigh of relief!

The Olympic Torch Relay

2008-04-21T16:55:00.004+08:00

Today was our country's turn to host the Olympic torch relay; a part of the flame's journey through 23 cities in five continents, arriving in Beijing for the 2008 Olympic Games in August. A 130-day, 85,000 mile journey from Olympia, Greece to China.

The relay was to kick off from Dataran Merdeka at 2.15 pm. The torch would then be passed to the torchbearers, making its way through the streets of Kuala Lumpur, passing several landmarks before ending at the KLCC about 6 pm. This is only the second time Malaysians will get to witness the historic event up close. She last hosted a leg of the torch relay in 1964 when Japan became the first Asian country to host the Olympics.

As Papa Bkworm's office is in the city centre, he managed to record a short video of the run. Since it took 44 years for the torch relay to be hosted here in Malaysia after the first time in 1964, I doubt I will live to see it happen a third time. I'll just have to make do with this instead......

A Most Fitting Illustration

2008-04-20T01:01:00.005+08:00

It's Sunday today.

Friday and Saturday whizzed by so fast, I barely knew what happened.

What happened, ah?? *blur*

And tomorrow.....let's not talk about tomorrow, please?

I think this penguin and his friend demonstrated my sentiments perfectly ........

Daffodils

2008-04-19T14:21:00.000+08:00

One of my all time favourites..........

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed - and gazed - but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

Poem by William Wordsworth

**************

One wish in my heart is birthed within,
The bliss of the poet, will I share,
In a field of dancing golden daffodils,
A solitude, blissful; with not a care.

Dancing with these golden daffodils,
Their heads blowing with the wind,
I shall soar higher, higher and higher,
In my mind's eye; to places I've never been.

So now you may just understand,
How much this poem speaks to me,
More than some lines about golden daffodils,
But that my imagination shall set me free.

- Bkworm -

Can't sleep without you.....

2008-04-18T16:13:00.000+08:00

There are two reasons that can render me sleepless at night. One is having too much to think and the other, not having my other 'love' on my bed - my bolster!

Yes, I am a middle aged woman and I still need my bolster. My bolster is affectionately referred to as 'lap cheong' (meaning sausage because it's long and straight in shape) in our family. I have had this 'lap cheong' with me for about five years now. It's no longer as 'solid' as before and in fact, pretty much out of shape but who cares - I still need my bolster as much as I did from the time I was born!

I usually sleep on my side and with my arms around the bolster, I feel comforted and relaxed. I guess that's how babies must feel when they have a bolster between their legs and their arms wrapped around one, eh? I am so used to sleeping with a bolster that whenever I have to sleep in a hotel, I always need an extra pillow as a subsitute for a bolster, just so that I can fall asleep!

A few days ago, my colleague was telling me that her sister who was returning to Australia after a holiday here, had to pack a bolster home because it's not something that is sold over there. And she, like me, is one of those who cannot sleep without a bolster at night. Her old one at home has to be replaced and hence, she's flying a new one back with her.

Does anyone else have this same need for a bolster just like us?