Chocolate Covered Ants

Blessed are those...

2006-05-26T12:37:00.000-07:00

I have always loved the Beatitudes, Matthew 5:3-10, the simple messages of hope and consolation offered in The Sermon on the Mount:

Blessed are the poor in sprit: for theirs in the kingdom of Heaven.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they who mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice: for they shall have their fill.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.

Indeed, one of the central tenets of my whole religious concept is the seventh one listed, Matthew 5:9. Friends, meaning members of the Religious Society of Friends, wholly embrace the idea of peacemaking, obviously, and are willing to work towards that end.

The simple comfort offered by these passages is what I cherish in them. Frequently, non-religious friends and acquaintances will tell me that religion is just a crutch to deal with mortality and a host of social ills and that a truly strong mind and person doesn’t need it. They may be right. Probably are, to an extent. These same friends claim that my strong attraction to this passage probably stems from a desire for justice and parity and my deeply-seated lack of faith in humanity that precludes achieving it through anything other than divine means.

When friends try and psychoanalyze me this closely, I tend to lose their numbers.

Anyway, there is a ton of textual criticism on the exact meaning and relevance of the Beatitudes, but I've never really been satisfied with all the conclusions they draw. I think they make it too hard. I prefer to take the passage at face value, as a prescription for a better way to approach the world and its inherent hardships, with the knowledge that hardship can lead to improvement.

All of this is just a long and meandering way of saying I'm moving my blog to a new server and a new domain, www.forgottenbeatitudes.com. I'll keep this one going, because it's free, and maybe even post here occasionally, but it will no longer be my main. A friend who's blog-savvy I deeply respect convinced me that if I want people to read my blog, there are steps I need to take and, in order to take them, I've decided to basically start from scratch. FB will be more personal in nature, although I'm sure politics will creep in.

So, for all five of you who read this, check out www.forgottenbeatitudes.com.

It's Bird Flu Season.

2006-05-25T11:13:00.000-07:00

Do you have your paranoia ready?

More and more I'm hearing about people stockpiling water and tuna in an effort to outlast the 6-18 months of projected vital service interruptions that might happen should we have another flu pandemic. This could be due to the nature of website I visit and people I talk to and a general sense of distrust about everything at the moment. It could also be put down to blatant fear mongering from the media and some scientists hoping to cash in as well as government officials who have a vested interest in hyping the H5N1 virus as the Next Big Thing. For example, did you know that Rumsfeld holds between $5 and $25 million in biopharmaceutical producers Gilead Science. He even served as the Research Chairman prior between 1997 and 2001, when he joined BushCo. This is interesting because Gilead Science holds the production rights on Tamiflu, the leading influenza-treatment drug. While fears of an avian flu pandemic have sent Gilead's stocks on a rocket rise from $35/share to $47/share, Rumsfeld has quietly raked it in.

Okay, now, I'm not suggesting that Rumsfeld is necessarily creating panic in order to boost his stock's value. However, he and the rest of the administration are doing very little to rationally address a possible flu pandemic or assert rational science into the process of preparedness.

There are a couple of reasons I'm not hugely worried at this point about H5N1 and the lastest cluster outbreak in Indonesia.

1. H5N1 is currently it's own worst enemy. The virus, for an influenza virus, kills quickly if it kills. In order for a virus to work it's way through a population, it must effectively spread beyond it's inital host before it stops that host's ability to spread it. If you're dead, you're not going to be going places where you can infect others. Thus, at the moment, H5N1 is its own best limiting agent, by taking infected individuals down very quickly, thus making it hard for a H2H transmissable variant of H5N1 to reach a large population area. Now, this could change. One of the viral development theories put forth is that, as the virus undergoes further iterations of it's structure (generations), the genetic change in a generation that would provide the virus with easy H2H transmission would also attenuate the virus, making it not so deadly or more easily treatable. While there is some speculation that this is, in fact, not happening, it is still a possibility as easy H2H transmission mutations still have not occured. Furthermore, the worst case scenario would be that the killer generation would possess all the lethality of the prime generation, but would take longer to present symptoms and kill the host, thus increasing the chances of a carrier coming into contact with a fertile host pool and triggering a pandemic.

2. Clusters are, at the moment, found in family environments. Currently, people who come into contact with body fluids of infected poultry and birds are at risk for developing H5N1 flu. However, clusters of infections have been limited to families. A cluster of infection is important because it may represent a generation of H5N1 that can easily pass between humans. However, the confinement of possible H2H transmissions to immediate families is important. There is a compelling theory that a certain portion of humans are subsceptible to this particular flu strain because of genetic predisposition. This would, for the moment, certainly preclude this from being a true pandemic. Clutering has noted that family units tend to show a pattern of blood relative infection, meaning that a father and the children are infected, while the mother isn't, or vice versa. This argues strongly for a genetic determinate coming into play at some point in the infection process, although is not by any means proof. Furthermore, the fact that cases remain isolated gives more support to the idea that only a subset of world population can be infected by this strain, as it is now, because they have the genetic trait required. Now, current situations don't necessarily rule out future behavior. While the virus may currently be tied to a genetic trait, mutation or genetic hybridization with other flu strains may remove that component of infection, thus opening a gateway for a true pandemic. It is also little comfort to people who possess the genetic marker that makes the subsceptible to H5N1. Finally, while this is a compelling argument, it is by no means assured. The family grouping clusters could be due to shared exposure to an infectious agent, such as a chicken or a person who has become ill (it is possible currently to transmit H5N1 from person to person, it is just very difficult to do) and that could be the limiting factor, rather than genetic makeup.

3. Again, H5N1 works against itself in it's pathology. Currently, H5N1 resides very low in the lungs when it infects a host. Death from H5N1 occurs not beacause of the virus itself, exactly, but from the body's own auto-immune system basically drowning the infected person in blood and mucus in the lungs in an attempt to flush out the H5N1 virus. It's deadly pathology, however, works against it's easy spread. It's prime infection site makes it hard for it to get out of an infected host. H2H transmission must currently happen the same way as avian to human transmission: direct contact with infectious bodily liquids, preferably blood and mucus. For the virus to be a true pandemic threat, it needs to obtain a more readily dispersable infection mechanism. Just coughing or breathing is not enough to cause infection.

So while the latest cluter in Indonesia is interesting in the sense it comprises the larges family cluster seen to date, it is not exactly the clarion call of doom that the media are making it out to be. WHO has wisely decided that this incident should be looked at closely, but it does not necessitate an increase in the pandemic threat level. Ultimately, from what I know at the moment, the only difference in this cluster is it's size in comparisson to other clusters, not it methodology. If it was an entire village rather than one extended family that, I believe, shares the same family tree branch, it would be cause for more worry. Even then, though, depending on the relative isolation/remoteness of the area, genetics may still be the determining factor because more isolated areas experience more common genetic traits due to a certain level of inbreeding.

At the moment, I'm far more worried about Bush giving Negroponte the power to keep government contractor assets on the downlow.

Mr Rogers And The 20 Million Dollar Grant

2006-05-24T14:27:00.000-07:00

This is how things should work.

Mr. Rogers Goes To The Heart.

God bless you, Mr. Rogers, wherever you are.

Muscles make you gay...

2006-05-24T13:09:00.000-07:00

Finally, there's an explanation for why so many gay men are so much more muscular than straight men. CNN's Deborah Feyerick brings us the answer and, according to unliscensed therapist Richard Cohen (lol, don't forget his "M.A." that he proudly displays on his book jacket cover), ex-gay and ex-slut (apparently), they're just carrying around a lot of "gay" in their muscles.

As usual, it's mother's fault.

Cohen says "breaking out of the gay lifestyle" is as simple as picking up a tennis raquet and beating the hell out of a pillow while screaming about how your mom made you want to suck dick by committing "emotional incest" (which just has buzzterm written all over it).

Of course, it could also be because of your "cold, distant" father. The way to remedy this is to have another man hug you. A lot. On a couch. Like a baby.

I'm fairly sure Cohen's next "theraputic technique" will involve slathering his penis in tabasco sauce and then barebacking with his clients, making them not crave the anal invasions so much. Or possibly there will be aggression therapy where he takes the prospective Not-Really-Ex-Gay-But-Much-Happier-Through-Repression gay out to a special gun range where they shoot at popup targets of Barbara Streissand, Judy Garland, Cher and Madonna to counteract the gay-ifying influence of show tunes and dance music.

Seriously, this is just some messed up shit right here.

Well, we've got "checks" covered....

2006-05-24T12:46:00.000-07:00

To bad we are in serious want of some balances.

Bush tells Negroponte that he can get companies off the hook from reporting laws because the knowledge that the CEO raided the corporate funds to build a beach house in the Bahamas might threaten national security.

Now, as the article points out, sitting Presidents have had the ability to do this since the late 70s. However, given this administration's close ties to corporations like Halliburton and their "reconstruction" efforts in Iraq, as well as the wiretapping scandal and it's relation to the big telecom companies, this is interesting. Now, not only can the Department of Justice not investigate the wiretaps because they can't get clearance, future programs by the big telecoms to provide governmental traces on citizen's phone lines can't even be traced by the large and mysterious paper trail left by the telecoms spending huge sums of money.

Nice. So, exactly, what separates the CIA/NSA from the Soviet-era KGB again?

You know, real Republicans should be in an uproar over this because it represents another broadening of governmental powers, restrictions and control that the Republican party was initially created to work against (an ideology which has been tacitly handed to the Libertarians). However, the Religio-Licans and RepubCo will probably support it because it has the words "national security" and promises that companies might be able to get away with asset-reporting murder if they play along with the Bush administration.

Disgraceful what they've done to this country. Disgraceful.

Go To Hell, Olmert.

2006-05-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, really, at the blatant hypocracy of Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert. Even as he claimed Israel would be a "willing partner in peace", a highly dubious and historically inaccurate claim, with the Palestinians, he threatened that it was willing to go it alone.

Well, not really alone, mind you, because the United States is pretty much Israel's bitch.

Before I get into this, I want to be completely clear. I am not anti-semetic, but I am rabidly anti-Zionist. Frequently these two different positions are lumped into one by people who then turn around and accuse governmental bodies of oversimplification of issues. I wish no harm to jewish people (I wish no harm to anyone), however there is absolutely no sane reason on the face of the planet that Israel, as a nation, should exist or that we as the United States should support it's existance.

Since it's horribly misguided and shockingly unfair creation in the 1940s on the basis of a nightmarish decision by the United Nations (which for me serves as one of the strongest arguments against the existance of the United Nations as well, an organization who's ideals and aims I tend to support), Israel has done nothing but agitate and anger it's region the entire Middle East, secure in the knowledge that it had the full support of the United States.

It continues that policy of agitation and aggression to this day. Olmert and his recent press junket tour of the U.S. is little more than an excuse for syncophants to come oozing out of the woodwork like blood pouring down the walls of the Amityville Horror house. It's also a blatant attempt to ramp up to a military action in Iran. The fact alone that Israel is pushing for such action should be enough for us to be against it.

Olmert's latest salvo was his address to Congress where he said choice bits of propoganda like, "We will not yield to terror." Israel, however, hasn't the slightest problem with using terror tactics to achieve it's ends. After all, it's only terror if it's not government-sponsored. Since it's inception, Israel has been guilty of blatant acts of terror and atrocity, but those go unconsidered because there are so many money links between the U.S. and Israel that it would be too inconvenient to own up to sponsoring a nation as guilty of "terrorism" as Palestine, Iraq, Afghanistan and Iran.

Israeli military historian, Aryeh Yitzahki, former Director of the Israeli Defense Force archives and lecturer at Bar Ilan University in Tel Aviv, has documented the shopping list of Israeli atrocities against Arabs during the War of Independence. Speaking about the battling around Arab villages between May and July of 1948:

Sometimes the report tells about blatant massacres which were committed after the battle, sometimes the massacres are committed in the heat of battle and while the villages are ‘cleansed’.

For example, author Nafeez Mosaddeq Ahmed points to a massacre that occured at al-Dawayima village on the 29th of October in 1948. A soldier present at the incident testified that, after the 89th Battalion entered the village without a fight, the killings commenced:

“The first wave of conquerors killed about 80 to 100 Arabs, women and children. The children they killed by breaking their heads with sticks. There was not a house without dead. One woman, with a newborn baby in her arms was employed to clean the courtyard.... (they) shot her and the baby.... This was not in the heat of battle.... but a system of expulsion and destruction”.--From Benny Morris' The Birth of the Palestinian Refugee Problem 1947-1949.

Israel was born in terror and has not renounced it's practice since, preferring to call it "self-defense" by moving it to a state-sponsored level.

This makes Olmert's claims of peace and willingness to work with Palestinians not only false, but particularly disgusting in that he still forget's Israel's own terrorist activities while attacking and punishing random Palestinian civilians for the same acts carried out on a smaller scale.

But he's getting what he wants. Olmert has secured a Yee-Haw backing from Bush, who has said unequivocably that if Israel is attacked, we will side with them. Olmert urges action against Iran, saying, "If we don't take Iran's bellicose rhetoric seriously now, we will be forced to take its nuclear aggression seriously later." Whereas, Israel's bellicose rhetoric and their confirmed possession of nuclear weapons (as well as their continuing unwillingness to officially disclose that information) is all right. And what action would be appropriate? A UN resolution? A laughable suggestion coming from Israel, as it frequently ignores UN resolutions passed against it. For 35 years, the U.N. has been calling on Israel to withdraw unconditionally from Palestinian territories, yet Israel willfully ignores these resolutions when it wishes . Thus, Israel continues to violate international law, secure in the knowledge that the U.S. will protect them from any U.N. fallout. This undermines the authority of the international body that gave them the supposed right to exist in the first place.

So, Olmert, go home. Never come back. If Israel wishes to play such hard ball, then it should do so by itself, and we, the United States, who are the purported leaders in the worldwide fight against terrorism, should dissolve all contact with this terrorist rogue nation.

Mind you, I know this will never happen. Still, it would be nice for us to be clean at least once in the past ten years or so.

Don't Make Me Pull This Quagmire Over!

2006-05-24T10:27:00.000-07:00

In a pathetic attempt to try and convince...well, just about everyone, that he hasn't sold out faster than tickets to Jenna Jameson replacing Julia Roberts on Broadway and doing the show nude AND on a pogo stick, Senator John McCain recently made some "off the cuff" remarks to the rich and powerful in New York.

Leaked examples intended to show us, the peons, that McCain only addresses those who have cashed in their souls and isn't souless himself.

I think my favorite bit is where, when asked what he would do in Iraq, McCain said,

"One of the things I would do if I were President would be to sit the Shiites and the Sunnis down and say, ‘Stop the bullshit.’”

Golly. What's next? Making Osama bin Laden go to his room and just think about what he's done? A vicious round of spankings for Saddam Hussein which are guaranteed to hurt you more than they do him? If only someone would have thought of that in Viet Nam. Of course, it might have been hard to find just two parties to sit down and force to make nice in that situation. Luckily Iraq is so much more clear cut, eh, John?

When you get schooled by a student young enough to be either your daughter or the sexual indiscretion that ends your political career and then have to set your Chief of Staff on her like an attack dog because you lack either the balls or the off-the-cuff wit to address her immediately and personally, then some vaguely "intergrity-esque" comments to rich and powerful New Yorkers are just not going to cut it.

However, I'm sure there are a lot of women and gay men out there with a daddy complex that would love for you to take them across your lap and paddle out some campaign contributions. At least that would be an honest exchange. Remember honesty, John? It's something you lost when you climbed into bed with BushCo.

I Choose You, NYC!

2006-05-22T19:30:00.000-07:00

I can't help but think the giant Pikachu balloon that attacked NYC today is somehow related to the negative response to Nintendo's changing the Revolution to the Wii.

Of course, he might have just wanted to see "The Color Purple: A New Musical."

OMG, I SOOOOO WANT HER!!!

2006-05-20T16:23:00.000-07:00

I had no idea before today that Michelle Malkin was possessed of all the TVQ of a junior high school student.

LIGHTS, CAMERA, MALKIN!

Now, I understand that she's bent out of shape by Jodi Foster's recent...well, pretty much Foster's mere existence is enough to get Michelle's dander up, but her recent Bush Bash commencement address at the University of Pennsylvania's graduation seems to have inspired Michelle to try and go all Saturday Night Live.

Unfortunately, she chose 80s SNL over 70s.

While no one is more surprised than me that Jodi was bashing bush, it truly hurt to see my exotic conservative cupcake all in over her head with her attempts at "humor" and "political satire" and "delivery" and "trying to sound human and natural."

Don't get me wrong. Even with a delivery that's more dead than pan, I'd still lay her down in the tall grass and slip my ballot into her box until she screamed the key points of the Democratic platform in exstacy. I just wouldn't ask her to jazz up my speech for the White House Press Correspondant's Dinner.

Senate Makes English "Common and Unifying", not "National", Language: 11 Million Illiterate Americans Don't Know The Difference

2006-05-19T10:01:00.000-07:00

An interesting point. According to the National Assessment of Adult Literacy, 11 million adult Americans are nonliterate in English. These numbers exclude adults who do not speak English living in the United States or who suffer from mental disabilities. NAAL's analysis of the state of adult literacy in the United States goes on to state that 30 million adults function at a "below basic" level of literacy in prose literacy, with 55% of these not graduating from high school, 20% being black, 26% being over 65 and 39% being hispanic.

Yet, the Senate has decided that the most important issue facing our country at the moment is that English be voted the official "common and unifying" language. Initially the bill called for English to be named the "national" language, but was later softened to "common and unifying".

Perhaps not all that common, though, since out of almost 300 million Americans, 11 million aren't literate and a total of 30 million Americans possess only the most basic level of literacy. That's 14%. But those people are black or hispanic (the new black) or in prison or didn't finish high school or all of the above, so we can ignore them.

I guess this is the rationale the President and Congress are using to completely ignore these numbers and support this garbage. Bush just sent a request to Congress for $1.6 billion to fund the 6,000 National Guard troops that will make all the difference in securing the Mexico/U.S. border.

I would think that money might be better spent in programs that serve to teach American citizens how to speak and read our "common and unifying" language, but I obviously don't understand the big picture.

Tony Snow gently hugs 150 years of American Culture

2006-05-19T09:35:00.000-07:00

One media briefing into his tenure as White House Press Secretary, Tony Snow already has a verbal scandal to his name. For those of you who don't know, back on Tuesday, during his press conference, Snow frequently...well, twice, anyway, used the phrase "hugging the tar baby" or a varient thereof.

Now, speaking as a member of the theoretical South, we all know damn good and well what the phrase "tar baby" refers to. It's a phrase used to refer to black people, particularly black women and girls. It is also common in some literary theory to give the Tar Baby, probably the most famous of the Uncle Remus stories, the place of the lowest plantation worker.

So, for Snow (and how ironically funny is THAT name in this context?) to start tossing out stories of the Tar Baby and how he doesn't want to get caught like Brer Rabbit is just crashingly wrong.

Not that Snow would admit it. After his huge mess of a press gaggle last Friday, he figures actually admitting screwing up would be an even bigger mistake. Thus, we have the, "Well, slavery and degredation of black people is a part of American culture, but since people are obviously so touchy about it, I'll remove it from my stock of verbal bon mots, but I'll do it with bad grace." Scroll down for all the racist goodness from the new thin white lips of the White House.

You just have to love someone who can come up with a response like this when asked about his use of the term:

"Well, apparently, what's happened is, apparently some people are unfamiliar with the pathways of American culture, and don't realize the old Uncle Remus story where somebody hugs a tar baby."

No, Snowy, we're familiar with the "pathways of American culture" whereas you are sadly unfamiliar with the Uncle Remus tale that you claim gave you the term. Given, the it can be used to convey what you were going for, an inextricable problem or situation. However, as a Press Secretary, we would expect you to choose your words with more care.

Although, after the 6 years of this administration and it's nightmare parade of idiots prancing behind the podium, I guess there really is no reason to feel this way.

Enjoy the country club (maybe), you slimeball.

2006-05-15T10:37:00.000-07:00

At a previous place of employment which shall remain nameless, when my supervisor had a mental breakdowns shortly after I joined the organization and had to take several weeks off to mend the shattered pieces of her psyche, we referred to it as "visiting the country club."

This phrase grew to encompass any embarrassing or potentially scandalous leave of absence someone might take, up to and including prison time.

So, Karl, I truly hope you enjoy your time at the country club and, once you're finished be nationally embarrassed, I sincerely hope that, if there's a God in Heaven, you'll suffer a massive coronary and die painfully and alone and then your spirit will be whisked straight to hell where you can finally start paying for what you've done to this country.

Karl Rove gets indicted, maybe, so Bush mobilizes National Guard to distract people.

Now, while this would be a great day, indeed, let's take a moment and realize a couple of things. First, while you can't get more radically, zealously, fanatically liberal than truthout.org, where this story was first "broken", they are not what you would call a touchstone of journalistic honesty. So this is probably wishful thinking. Second, I'm leaning towards wishful thinking because by noon Monday, there has been no main line news source pick-up or coverage. Methinks somewhere along the line, someone fibbed. Of course, there is a huge part of me that hopes this is just another example of the Cover Bush's Ass mentality of the current media gaggle and they're specifically not covering this because Snow sent out another nasty gram saying if they did, it would be a cold day in hell before they ever got to politely fire preapproved questions at him. Even I have a hard time, though, seriously believing they could get away with something like that.

So until there's an official announcement, this is the purest of speculation. It is interesting to note, however, that everyone pretty much immediately accepted it as not only possible, but probable, when it was announced. That is perhaps just as damning for the administration as an actual idictment.

Looks like he's gonna love them with his fist...

2006-05-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

In a sign that the disturbingly disfunctional relationship between the Bush White House and the media may be starting to crank (and hopefully the media will pull a Farah Fawcett, Burning Bed moment), Tony Snow slaped aroundThe New York Times, USA Today and CBS News. The shocking part is that they sort of slapped back.

It's not much, but it's something.

Of course, it would have been better if Axelrod said something like, "It is ludicrous for a Press Secretary to send out memos of a combative and critical nature before he has even held his first press conference. Furthermore, it is shockingly appalling that this secretary would think they have the power to control or even suggest what the journalistic institutions of this country print or cover. As members of a free media, we serve an important role as a watch dog on governmental operations and ensure that an administration does not run out of control and become a threat to not only the country itself, but the world at large. Our journalistic integrity demands that we continue to publish the truth and if Mr. Snow would rather we publish happy shiny facts then we suggest his administration starts producing more of them and less scandal, deceit and bad policy."

Axelrod might have gotten all the way to "journalistic integrity" before he burst out laughing and said, "No, no, I'm just kidding, Tony, please don't kick us out of the White House Press Slops Trough. Please! I'll blow you for coverage!"

Addition: Looks like Snow's not only mean, but an idiot.

So, after a week of bitching out the papers, Snow admits he's, "the new kid on the block," and he's, "not fully briefed on the issue." So he turns it over to Dana Perino, who hits like a girl, so he takes it back with the attitude that talking points read in a loud, aggressive voice are much more satisfactory than real answers.

Don't worry, Tony. I'm sure no one will ask you any questions that are too hard for you to give a bright rosy answer to at your first offical press briefing on Monday. After all, in any abusive relationship, there are two people involved.

And the next ball to be dropped by the Dems

2006-05-11T14:45:00.000-07:00

Since Dean has decided to become the DNC's whore in exchange for a title and his soul, saying that impeaching Bush would be a bad idea during "wartime" and constantly misquoting the Demcratic platform on the issue of same-sex marriage, I'm sure he'll be more than willing to let the fact that the Bush wiretapping extends to TENS OF MILLIONS OF AMERICAN CITIZENS.

Wow, who knew those sleeper cells were so widespread?

Dodging a new round of criticism, he claims the wiretapping was legal and, frankly, we'll have to take is word on it because the NSA decided NOT TO GIVE THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE PROBE THE SECURITY CLEARANCE TO INVESTIGATE IT.

Effective, I must admit, if politically abhorent and a slap in the face of everything this country is supposed to stand for.

I'm sure WatergateGate will also blow over or be dropped/ignored by the Dems and even the continuing flood of idictments of standing Republicans, like Kentucky Governor Ernie Fletcher for conspiracy to hire/fire both personal staff and government workers on the basis of political affiliations, will slip through the enormous cracks in the Democratic party causing them to not capitalize on public opinion and lose 2006 elections as well as the 2008.

In a time when even conservative Republicans are getting fed up with Bush, it seems his only support is coming from Democrats who have proved themselves so spineless as to be unable to mount an offensive when God himself seems to be handing it to them on a silver platter. I mean, really, what does it take for people to stand up to this administration? Will Bush have to actually broadcast a live television special where he sodomizes an Iranian child while performing a Satanic ritual, drinking a 40 and wearing a T-shirt saying "Fuck Poor People, My Daddy's Rich"? Even then, I'm sure Dean would caution against precipitous action.

The whole thing just makes me sick.

Pitt slaps Cohen: Wheeee!

2006-05-11T09:21:00.000-07:00

See, Richard Cohen has managed to get a vague infamy out of the whole complaining about Colbert business. I'm not sure I would want this sort of press, though.

William Rivers Pitt tells Dick where the anger comes from...and exactly where he can go...

Best run-on sentece ever written:

Why the anger? It can be summed up in one run-on sentence: We have lost two towers in New York, a part of the Pentagon, an important American city called New Orleans, our economic solvency, our global reputation, our moral authority, our children's future, we have lost tens of thousands of American soldiers to death and grievous injury, we must endure the Abramoffs and the Cunninghams and the Libbys and the whores and the bribes and the utter corruption, we must contemplate the staggering depth of the hole we have been hurled down into, and we expect little to no help from the mainstream DC press, whose lazy go-along-to-get-along cocktail-circuit mentality allowed so much of this to happen because they failed comprehensively to do their job.

The Fugitive II: Richard Cohen runs away crying like a little girl.

2006-05-09T11:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, Stephen Colbert did a journalist's job by drawing attention to the shortcomings of both the presidency and those who cover it at the WHCD. We all know this. Many of us have seen the videos. In response, some of the chided press responded by basically saying, "Well, that's not funny," forgetting that the denial defence didn't prevent them from getting their asses kicked in junior high, either. Leading the vanguard of the self-appointed humor elite was Richard Cohen.

In order to be taken seriously, Cohen informed his readership that he's known as "a funny guy" in "certain circles" , frequently being demanded to produce chuckle product on the spot by cruel elementary teachers who had no idea that their merciless tactics would backfire and convince Richard As A Boy he was actually funny. Cohen then responds to Colbert's address with a critique so unfunny that Lenny Bruce immediately took control of every medium in the country and demanded that someone slap the hell out of him.

Needless to say, the blogosphere (I'm never sure if that word has the second "O" or not) reacted. They were already hoisting Colbert on their digital shoulders and parading him around the Intraweb's equivalent of the town square. Colbert accepts the adulation and acrimony with equal grace. He can afford to, when the blogosphere and, evidently, anyone with email capability was forming a "digital lynch mob" to deal with Cohen and his ilk.

Now, as a funny guy, you would think Cohen would be used to jokes going bad and the tide of the room turning against him and know how to deal with it. Perhaps this is just more proof that Cohen is about as funny as an AIDS patient with Avian Flu and a firm belief in the Bush Medicaid plan.

Cohen was overwhelmed with nearly 3,500 emails. As Cohen is obviously capable of huge generalizations, he admits he only looked into a few of the emails, saw they were less than congratulatory and promptly decided that the Intraweb was out to string him from the limb of the nearest logic tree. Still, you can understand how upset Cohen was and probably excuse his fear of the email swarm (over 2,000 more than he got for an article on Gore a week before) since, every time he opened an email, he got "a bucket of raw, untreated and disease-laden verbal sewage right in the face." Sewage like "You wouldn't know funny if it slapped you in the face," from Patrick Manley or "Colbert ROCKS, you MURDER" from the mononomic Ron.

Wow, that, um...stings?

Now Cohen is hunted like an animal through the twists and turns of cyberspace, hiding out in rarely visted websites, just hoping to find an electronic equivalent of the Underground Railroad which will take him to safety where if people disagree with you they have the decency to not tell you about it.

Which, come to think of it, would have been pretty good advice for Cohen in the first place.

There was a time when people could take the heat. If you wanted to say something critical about someone, you did with the understanding that others could say something critical back and there was no need to go around flagrantly using words like "vituperation". Cohen was critical of a critique and, somehow, thinks that it should end with him, that no one then has a right to be critical of him in turn.

Actually, you know what? That IS pretty funny.

Even better, Cohen then uses the imagined cybermob calling for his head as an indictment of the Democratic party, warning that the anger so obviously felt by the entire party will lead to their demise in 2008. Indeed, his own flame fest is merely the pyre of the martyred seer, barbequed for simply telling the world of Colbert's "unfunniness" and "irrelevance".

This is, of course, the second funny point in Cohen's post, the idea of a WP columnist calling ANYONE else out on their numbers...

In the end, Richard, I am unconvinced. Unconvinced that 3500 emails expressing varying degrees of agreement and disagreement with your opinion of Colbert proves that a simmering hatered lurks just below the surface of the Democratic Left. Unconvinced that the blogosphere and emailers really care about you enough to invest the sort of time it takes to find a rope and a convenient tree limb. And yes, at the end, still utterly unconvinced you are funny.

See, Dick, someone who was funny would have said something snappy in response to all this vitriolic electricity. Something like, "I may not know funny, but since I've accepted Bush as my personal saviour, I do know your address and your movement patterns, so watch your ass." Instead, you chose to whine about it in a flustered attempt to retain your relevance and composure. Basically, you proved Colbert's point.

So, really, I guess the joke's on you.

Ready to blow who?

2006-05-04T11:01:00.000-07:00

Apparently, George W. Bush, who fights crime in his superhero persona The Decider, was just so mad over Stephen Colbert's WHCD evisceration of both him and the media that, according to an article by Paul Bedard on US News and World Reports, "He's ready to blow."

Well, he's blown for the last six years, really, so this is nothing knew. Still, I'm not sure if Colbert's patriotic act will be big enough for Bush to somehow twist into justification for invading Iran. However, I'm sure the CIA will shortly manage to produce evidence that not only is Colbert helping the Iranians build nuclear weapons, he's also teaching them how to hide their WMD stockpiles so effectively that, three years after an invasion, they still can't be found.

You know, I've never been comfortable with the idea of roasts. It seems to me that, if you truly respect a person, the best way to convey that respect isn't to tell a group of peers that their penis is so small a female flea would question if it's in yet. I understand it, in a sense, that respect is earned and roasts are a way to show that the person being roasted has survived in a business that is both cruel and uncaring at the same time. Still, it just seems mean to me, and it's supposed to be, but mean in a loving way, like kissing your wife with your belt.

That's perhaps the problem with Colbert, though. He gave a roast but no one expected to be roasted. At most, everyone was ready for yet another evening of ego felating in the ivory tower that is Washington. Colbert, however, bit it off and this caused some surprise.

Of course, there was the surprise that he was actually doing it. More to the point, though, people new they didn't deserve a roast. Let me be clear, they didn't deserve a roast because they hadn't earned it. It's a fine line and they were aware they were on the wrong side of it. Instead of being able to laugh at himself, The Decider, in the spirit of the dry drunk, got angry because what was being said was true. The media has dismissed Colbert as unfunny, trying to pathetically spin the fact that once again they were skewered by some guy from Comedy Central.

They're right, in a way, though. It wasn't funny. It was just sad, sad that journalism in this country had fallen so far. A friend asked me, "Isn't it great how only Stewart and Colbert have the balls journalists are supposed to have?" I thought about it a whole moment before I said, "No, it's depressing and upsetting."

Still, I have to say that while the media and the blogosphere fight about Colbert's success, eveyone's missing the truly amazing story: Bush actually understood that he was the butt of the joke. Up till now, I had thought the subtle arts of parody and satire were beyond his ken. Maybe he's not as dumb as I thought he was? Don't get me wrong, he's still dumb, just not, "tape yourself having sex" dumb.

Thank God Stephen Colbert is coming up in the world...

2006-05-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

because Janeane Garofalo apparently can't go down on Tom Cruise and Scientology fast enough.

The New York Rescue Workers Detoxification Project...Let Go, Let Xenu.

Frankly, the fun of Janeane wore off for me awhile ago. There are much more astute and interesting left-wing commentators. However, when a noted pundit makes such an abrupt and unexpected 180, it always gives one pause.

Don't get me wrong. It's a very noble and necessary thing, to develop programs to help firemen and rescue workers who have been ill since 9/11. However, the NYRWDP is sort of like having Fred Phelps run an AIDS prevention program. Or, rather, asking Jack Abramoff to oversee a commission on lobby reform.

NYRWPD is little more than a front for Scientology to get government money for proselytization. There's a nice little "follow the links" article at Cult News that traces the connections. If you need any more proof, that is, other than a gushing Leah Remini, "Actress" and Scientology drone, who was basically given an open pulpit on Garofalo's show, "Majority Report".

So, wtf, Janeane? Not only are you endorsing an organization with clear ties to one of the most encompassing religious hoaxes of our times, but you are also throwing your valued rational thinking out the window by complementing a medical program that experts say has absolutely no scientific proof of success and may in fact be harmful. Maybe we can just chalk this one up to the madness that possessed New York upon the visit of Scientology scion, Tom Cruise. Maybe you'll get back to your usual critical thinking and examination of issues rather than turning your program into an infomercial for the people fighting against the spirits of dead space aliens.

Or maybe you've finally cracked under the weight of your own cynicism and we'll be reading in The Times about how you had to be pulled from your apartment, your hair a badly colored blonde, screaming about how Ann Coulter is sex on a stick and Rush Limbaugh was framed.

I have a new hero...well, a bit of a crush, actually.

2006-05-01T11:20:00.000-07:00

First, he was part of the creative team that gave us "Strangers With Candy". Now, from the pulpit of the WHCD, he has proven that he has the biggest set of brass balls in the country at the moment. Ladies and Gentlemen: Stephen Colbert

http://thankyoustephencolbert.org/

Ironically, she's actually a very petite woman.

2006-03-23T16:02:00.000-08:00

Apparently, St. Louis ex-shock jock is an accidental racist. You know the kind, sort of a bigot for the Tourettes set. They can be walking down the street on a sunny afternoon and just suddenly start whipping a passing black man. They'll be accepting an Image award and, forgetting their speech entirely, shout out, "Thanks, niggers!"

They'll also piss off people who listen to too much radio and get fired.

Now, given, it was an unfortunate misspeak. I'm certainly no fan of Condi and I wouldn't call her a "coon", then repeating it, even accidentally...well, I might call her a uber-butch bull dyke who most likely rolls her own tampons, but that has nothing to do with her race, just her inexplicable love of football and bombing people.

But getting fired for it when it was an obvious mistake? I think that's a bit too far. PC speak and "cultural sensitivity" issues are getting way out of hand, anymore. Sure, he should be repremanded. Sure, he should have to apologize formally both to the listeners and Condi The Bull Dyke. Sure, he should probably do some sort of community service to improve his image with the community he insulted. But calling in to complain about it to the point where the station manager has to fire the guy eight days after he started his "dream job" seems over the top. There's equal rights and cultural sensetivity, and then there's just silliness.

Mind you, it's not as weird as the strange British in Oxfordshire, England, who want to rewrite the nursery rhyme "Bah, bah, black sheep" to "Bah, bah, rainbow sheep" because the word black is now offensive in any context. Period. Whatsoever. Any time.

Of course, I'm not sure how turning the sheep from black into a wool-providing pride parade is less offensive. Honestly, I'm not sure how it was offensive to begin with. But aside from being a horrible scan-buster, it just goes to show: it's okay to be black, because we can all make fun of the gays. Or, since the teachers at these nursery schools are worried that calling the sheep "black" could be alienating, calling them "rainbow" means everyone is offended equally.

Or something like that. Frankly, it's all just too confusing anymore.

Should we all seek a level of cultural sensitivity? Of course we should. Issues of race, ethnicity and bigotry still plague not only the United States, but the entire world, in some form or other. Incidents like these, though, do nothing to lessen those issues. Indeed, they only serve to increase the frustration, resentment and general mistrust that causes them in the first place while trivializing very real concerns.

He learned it at his momma's knee.

2006-03-23T15:39:00.000-08:00

Nature vs. Nurture. It's a constant debate. Do kids go wrong because they had bad parents or are some people just born wrongheaded? Can a person's actions later in life be traced back solely to their parents?

Well, nurture just got a shot in the arm today.

Mammy Bush provides well for little Niel...because, as she said, everyone else actually improved their lot in Katrina.

While I approve of the Bush Oil Barrens wanting to "do something specifically for education", particularly since "No Child Left Behind" has been such an abysmal failure, to give money with the proviso that it specifically be used to buy software from BushChild Niel's company seems a bit...what's the word I'm looking for here...cronyish? I mean, not to call a Halliburton here, but c'mon.

Now, I'm sure everyone will counter with, "Maybe Ignite is the best educational software marketer out there and you're just being a crazy raving liberal who hates God, America and our troops by suggesting that Mammy Bush did wrong!" I have to admit, I don't know. Well, I don't know about the successfulness of Ignite's product.

What I do know is that Neil Bush, just like George W., has a long track record of spectacularly destroying businesses he comes into contact with. Not too mention the marriages. He also is completely used to having huge sums of money handed to him for no other real reason than his Daddy was President and now his brother is President. Let's not forget the great fun that was the Silverado Savings and Loan. $1 billion in taxpayer dollars gone and who had his hand in the pie?

So, no, I can't conclusively say that Ignite isn't the best educational software company on the market today and that Mammy Bush's desire to see her "generous" "donation" go directly into her son's pocket wasn't simply good business sense for the children and schools affected by Hurricane Katrina. It's completely possible that Neil has finally turned a corner, stopped having sex with asian women who just mysteriously show up at his hotel room door and throw their vaginas at him, ended his shady business dealings that cost both investors and taxpayers billions of dollars and become a model business man.

I mean, Roger Clinton got his...wait, bad example.

Billy Carter cleaned up his...er, no he didn't.

Well, there's always Donald Nixon who...was a complete and utter embaressment.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's a first time for everything.

This, probably, isn't it.

Vernon Robinson: An Uncle Tom for the new Millenium

2006-03-22T14:02:00.000-08:00

Yah, it's really the gays who are a threat to this country...

Now, as he's obviously a "man of color"...frankly, it doesn't matter what color because he's certainly not white, or even "white enough"...so one must assume that those "traditional American values" he's so eager to embrace and even harken to in his ad would have him drinking at separate water fountains, attending separate schools and using separate facilities in general, right? Ideally, they would have him doing all this while he was busy picking cotton on Master's plantation. Although, I guess with his amazing ability to sell out and kiss as much white ass as possible, he'd be a house servant of some sort.

Not sure exactly what sort of politicians you people in North Carolina go for, but if this is it, feel free to secede.

Yeasty Fermenting Sour Grapes

2006-03-15T15:03:00.000-08:00

I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain. I have no desire to see it. I've seen Brokeback Mountain done in 30 seconds (and starring bunnies) and that's really as close to it as I'm compelled to get.

However, I do find Annie Proulx swipe at the Academy delightfully bitchy and the quintessential definition of "bad loser".

I've seen Crash. It's crap. Really, astoundingly self-important, Hollywood trite crap. Still, having to complain about it winning over a movie about gay cowboys strikes me as unnessecary as taking out a full page ad in the New York Times proclaiming your heterosexuality.

Annie "Get Your Poison Pen" Proulx's Guardian column.

Okay, I understand you're upset, but let's be honest here. It's not like this movie cured cancer. It's not like it made peace in the Middle East. Hell, it's not like it even advanced equal rights for homosexuals in the United States. It's a movie. It's apparently good, but it lost. Get over it.

It strikes me as funny that someone who can use the descriptive passage, "out of touch not only with the shifting larger culture and the yeasty ferment that is America these days," in a piece complaining because someone didn't reward her writing. Come one, Annie. Did you just call America beer? Or maybe bread?

It takes a certain kind of chuztpah to be a vocally sore loser. A part of me salutes that vigor. However, the rest of me just laughs and laughs, saying, "Bitch, you didn't win, get over it."

NASA championing science...finally

2006-03-13T11:30:00.000-08:00

NASA goes on record as supporting global warming.

It's refreshing that the organization that has embodied many of the scientific advancements in our country for the last 50 years or so has finally remembered that, at the very core, it's the science that matters, not the governmental pandering. Mind you, I'm sure BushCo still rejects the implications and possibly even the mechanism, but when we're all living at the bottom of the new and expanded ocean, at least some of us will be able to do so with their integrity intact.

Another hero falls...

2006-03-11T15:05:00.000-08:00

Truly sad.

People always ask me, when I tell them about being a member of the Religious Society of Friends, about pacifism. In the face of the gross injustices in this world, the rampant violence and the sheer bloody brutality of some human beings towards others, how can one follow a path of non-violence and expect to not only stay alive, but to prosper and help others to prosper as well?

I believe the answer is now and always will be simply choice.

Choice is what elevates us, makes us unique and individual. We have instincts, natural reactions, inborn desires and reflex responses. It is by being able to evaluate them, the roots of their impulses, their outcomes, and then choose to override them that we become, and stay, human.

For myself, I must admit, that choice is made by me in not joining Christian Peacemaker Teams (although I have considered it) and going into areas like Iraq where their sort of support is desperately needed. By not doing this, I choose to not put myself in harm's way and, perhaps, this somewhat lessens the power of my individual choice. My preference is to stay at home and work to help those around me, be it with prison reform or more popular charities like literacy programs and homeless concerns.

However, when something like this happens, when a Friend falls, it hurts and the first reaction is always to hurt back, to unleash one's natural anger at the misguided people who killed him. Failing to find them, though, the next impulse is to hurt anyone who sort of resembles them in either form or deed. Then, you want to hurt everyone, who with casual stupidity an disrespect for human life, from Saddam to Osama to Bush, created the situation that put him in harms way in the first place. Then you want to hurt everyone who allowed those leaders to get away with these horrible decisions because we're all responsible for all these deaths and they will all weigh on us in whatever judgement awaits after this life. Finally, you want to hurt yourself for not working harder to raise the awareness of the people and get rid of the leaders who guide us down these dark paths. Or hurt yourself because you are uncertain if you would be as firm in your beliefs as someone like Tom Fox was, even to the end.

The trouble is, now that you've hurt everyone in the world, it doesn't make anything better and Tom Fox is still dead. Only now, everyone is hurt and everyone is nursing a grievance just like yours and everyone wants to hurt everyone else that much more and it just grows unchecked like a cancer, eating away at what makes us human beings.

So there has to be a choice. There has to be a conscious decision to disconnect at some point in the chain, and forcefully choose not to wander down that path. The support is there, both spiritually and rationally, but that doesn't make it any easier of a choice. It's a choice that must be made, however, if any good is to come from any of this. It's a choice that always must be made if any good is to come from anything. You can't choose for others, only for yourself. You can hope that your choice calls out to that of God in others, though, and makes them at least consider what choices they make. But that's as good as it gets. You make your choice with no guarantees other than the knowledge that your choice is right by humanity, although it may not always be acknowledged or appreciated.

Frequently, I reject the questions people ask me about pacifism and being a Friend. I charge them with stacking the deck. They give me some scenario like, "What if a killer had a gun up to your mother's/aunt's/lover's/wife's/child's/your head? I bet you wouldn't believe in pacifism then." I say they've created a lifeboat situation and that I refuse to allow the metric of my everyday morality to be based on a case so extreme that I will most likely never have to deal with it. After all, extreme situations are by their very definition not normal, so do normal rules of behavior, belief and morality even apply? I also refuse to play the game as they've set up the rules. The situation isn't designed to test my choices, or even to try and understand them. It is specifically created to break them. Indeed, it seems as if they seek to bring my own choice into question in order to somehow further validate their own moral code. It's as hostile as using a gun.

This is, however, just so much rhetoric. It sounds nice as I get ready to go volunteer at a homeless shelter or teach an adult how to read or scramble for freelance writing jobs or study to get into pharmacy school or whatever I do to fill the individual moments of my daily life. When compared to Tom Fox's practice of his faith, however, it seems useless. As useless as people debating the virtues of pacifism who will most likely never have to deal with a real world "lifeboating" of their beliefs.

Although it's tragic, in a way Fox's death is also heartening. It shows that, even when in those lifeboat situations, even when one is past all hope of rescue or return and all one has left is a choice between the principles one holds dear and one's own life, in the middle of an ocean of grief and regret and loss, people can still make a choice. A positive choice. People can still choose to be something better than circumstances and instinct would make of them.

It's also, in a very selfish way, deeply troubling because who knows if I could have made the same choice as he did.