Home is Where You Hang your Fannypack

dearjohnletter.tumblr.com

2009-08-01T13:18:00.000-04:00

Dear alliemyers.blogspot.com,

I’m sure by now, you’ve talked to my Xanga. Maybe you knew this was coming? Maybe it comes as a terrible shock? Either way, I think it’s time I start seeing other blogging sites, namely tumblr. It’s been great sharing the past few years with you, from Supreme Court nominee speculations to the youtube video of that Asian lady on Big Brother who really wanted cookies.

We can always stay great friends for about a year, then after an uncomfortable late-night encounter fizzle off and stop talking forever. Right?

Previously yours,

Allie 3.0 (prettyngritty.tumblr.com)

Passive Aggression

2009-07-24T12:46:00.005-04:00

Your gchat status is not your diary. Stop using it as such.

Whew.

My birthday is Sunday!

Now, back to abstracts and Powerpoint(s?).

Passive aggressively yours,
Allie

and by "Powerpoint" I mean, wasting time with MS Paint. Here is an accurate rendering of what I'll look like on my twenty-first birthday:

Bahahahahahah

2009-07-20T22:20:00.004-04:00

...you know, in case you're having a bad day or something.

I bet you $5 it was the girl who stole my purse

2009-07-08T11:44:00.002-04:00

Dear whoever broke into my car and stole a handful of change:

Hope you enjoyed looking at all the sweet costumes in my trunk! If I were you, I totally would've taken the sparkly lime green leotard, but as they say, "To each his own."
Also, thanks for rooting through my trash and leaving it on the seats. It finally motivated me to clean out my car!

Love, Allie

(And by "Love" I mean "Fuck you". And by "Fuck you" I mean, "A handful of change? Really?")

General note to the felons of Newark:
I'm really not worth robbing.

Worst and Best Things of the Day

2009-07-06T14:26:00.002-04:00

Worst:

Best:

Really?

2009-07-03T17:05:00.003-04:00

Nothing makes my day quite like happening upon Facebook pictures of my ex-bee-eff looking like a major tool.

I totally AM immature.

xoxo,
Allie Girl

post-script: If you're reading this, take me off your RSSfeed, bitch!

Things 'n' Things

2009-07-02T21:01:00.002-04:00

My name is Allie. I am in 16th grade. My favorite animal is the octopus and I like to make lists:

-Famous people keep dying. I love/hate the fact that freak celebrity deaths are the only thing that keep my sense of mortality in check.

-Studying for the LSATs is arduous (especially when you are majorly second-guessing your future in the legal profession. It's just so practical! Which is not my style. I'm saying this is parenthesis because then it's not real.)

-The octopus is still my favorite animal.

-I met the love of my life: his name is Alejandro and he works on a cruise ship. He doesn't know that he's the love of my life though, because I don't know how to say anything very sexy in Spanish.

-Bermuda is Bermudiful.

-I ran out of things already.

-Wait, not yet. My dream job is to be the script-writer for Secret Life of the American Teenager.

S'all.

Love 'n' things,

Allie

You know how you know I'm white?

2009-06-22T14:29:00.002-04:00

I'm about to blog about Farmer's Markets.

I just went to the Newark Farmer's Market for the first time, and I'm too excited about it. I got ALL THESE THINGS for $24.34:

-chick peas
-tortillas
-paprika
-blueberries
-blackberries
-shredded cheese
-bunch o' carrots
-cilantro
-an eggplant
-bunch o' bananas
-pair o' jalapenos
-tomatoes
-bag o' potatoes
-giant onion
-pair o' green peppers
-bag o' limes
-sack o' pinto beans
-bag o' rice

UNREAL. I'm too overwhelmed to even cook anything right now.

SCOTUS Drama Alert!

2009-05-04T21:54:00.007-04:00

So, seeing as I lose the ability to do meaningful work while it's raining, I decided to catch up on my Supreme Court gossip. AND, seeing as Justice Souter has recently announced his retirement, effective at the end of the term, Supreme Court gossip is all OVER the place! It's a rare and exciting day for me.

What makes it all the more exciting is that most all of the names for possible nominations being thrown around are sounding a lot less like "David" and a lot more like "Diane." (Get it? Obama totally wants to nominate a girl! And preferably a non-white one. And probably one from Chicago. Sweet.)

Here are some of the front runners:

1. Diane Pamela Wood

Meets the criteria of: not a man, Chicago-ties (Professor a UChicago)

Fun fact: She plays the oboe and the English horn. I'm not sure what the English horn is or how it differs from the French horn, but it sounds badass.

2. Elena Kagan

Meets the critera of: not a man, Chicago-ties (former UChicago law professor)

Fun fact: Kagan had never argued a case at trial before Obama nominated her for the position of Solicitor General. Such a wild card.

3. Kim Wardlaw

Meets the criteria: not a man, not white (Surprise! Her mother is Mexican-American.)

Fun fact: Basically, she's a secret latina.

There's also Leah Ward Sears. She's not quite front-runner status, but I had to include her for obvious reasons:

My suggestions for President Obama include:

- the late Albus Dumbledore

- Cass Sunstein + Samantha Power

- Ruth Bader Ginsburg 2.0 (a clone of RBG, naturally)

- RuPaul or maybe Tyra Banks

- Michelle Obama (That wouldn't be nepotism, right?)

- Someone who is real enough to get all up in Scalia's face (again, RuPaul?)

- Me? I'm pretty done with this school thing.

Well, this has been an extensive and enjoyable waste of time!

xoxo,

SCOTUS gossip girl

Fuck Twitter

2009-03-23T09:32:00.002-04:00

Really though! Twitter is only okay if you're famous...or want to have a blog but have nothing to say (which basically includes me, but I'm going to ignore that fact.)

MORE IMPORTANTLY, Anderson "Silver Fox" Cooper is coming to UD on April 15th. Maybe I'll present him with some of my Barack Obama/Rahm Emanuel fanfiction. In fact, I think an episode in which Anderson Cooper visits the White House for a homoerotic 3-way interview should be in the works.

Think about it:

Things to do While Drunk (a list by Allie and Alexis from circa 2007):

2009-03-19T09:19:00.002-04:00

1. Moonbounce?
2. Write Songs
3. tell Dave he posts too many bulletins
4. Make friends
5. Choreograph a tap daance to "Dog Problems"
5a. acquire sequins, top hats, canes
6. Roller/Ice Skating
7. DANCE!
8. Drunk Photo Shoots
9. Not kiss ugly boys!!!
10. Language-creating
11. Play cups filled with water song

My personal favorites are 4 and 11; especially since I have no idea what "cups filled with water song" means. Also, I'm pretty sure 9 was directed towards me.

Oh, hey blog.

Real World: Peguche

2009-01-14T16:17:00.002-05:00

Hi friends (amigos, mejor dicho):

Because now I have lots of Spanish speaking fans.

So I´m in an indigenous village in Ecuador! Aaaand there are lots of chickens and cows in the street. I eat lots of white rice and papas fritas every day (because I think Ecuadorians are confused by the idea of vegtarians). I´ve had 2 warm showers since I´ve been here. However, it´s incredibly beautiful and mountainous. And I get to drink puro (more juice and cane liquor) and visit holy waterfalls.

Next week, I´ll be in Quito and have wireless and therefore more time to relay my South American adventures.

Ciao bitches
AMOR,
ALLIE

Hey Upper East Siders

2009-01-04T13:17:00.002-05:00

Spotted: A packing her bags in preparation for her departure to Quito tomorrow morning. Is she looking to get into the Columbian drug business? Or fleeing rumors that she slept with Chuck Bass? Either way, looks like this bird's flying south for the winter.

xoxo,
Gossip Girl

I'm Spending Way Too Long Deciding on a Title

2008-12-26T18:38:00.002-05:00

I'm not going to whine about being a bad blogger because I don't do many interesting things anyway. Usually my good stories involve either falling down, being drunk or both, so I figure that I'm doing a service to the blogosphere by withholding them.

But, speaking of interesting things(!), I'm leaving for Ecuador in 10 days. Whenever I leave the country, I tend to accumulate good stories, and being that South America is the homeland of magical realism, I'm hoping it won't let me down. Maybe I'll post some words and/or a picture while I'm down there. I hope I get a tan and see a giant turtle.

I just realized that there's a photo of Antonin Scalia (and our history sem class) on my desk in my room at home. I really am a creep when it comes to Supreme Court Justices.

Time to buy yarn! Grammy taught me how to crochet. How grandmotherly, right?

LUFF,
ALLIE

VOTE!

2008-11-04T11:48:00.003-05:00

Today I voted for Barack Obama! I hope you get out and do the same.

This is my 90-year-old great aunt Melba; she knows what's up.

Attn: UD FOLK! (Part 2)

2008-10-11T16:55:00.003-04:00

So, you know the gig tonight that you were clearly dying to attend? I regret to say that it's been cancelled. It turns out that the Cleftomaniacs are a bunch of flakes. Yeah, I said it.

There might be an America's Next Top Model marathon on tonight, if that's any consolation.

I think I'm going to ride my bike then eat food, all while I contemplate what to do with the rest of my life/where to go to law school/which city to live in. Suggestions?

Attn: UD FOLK!

2008-10-06T14:41:00.005-04:00

Want to hang out with a bunch of really sexy people this Saturday night?! Want these aforementioned sexy people to serenade you in the lobby of Memorial Hall?!

You are in luck, friend.

Because the Deltones are performing for FREE with the William & Mary Cleftomaniacs (who are also pretty sexy) this Saturday night at 8pm in Memorial Hall!

Note how physically attractive and saucy we are. Really!

Oh No She Didn't!

2008-10-03T11:08:00.001-04:00

Oh man... yes, she did.

My Life = Complete

2008-10-02T11:00:00.003-04:00

Last night I rode one of these*:

*The bike, not the guy.

I Really Love Jamie Lidell

2008-09-28T18:11:00.002-04:00

It's a-raining, which means I get to use my sweet umbrella that I bought at the Seattle airport. It also means that I have the opportunity to update the general public on my current (tentative) list of potential Halloween costumes:

-Sexy Lumberjack
-Sexy Octopus
-Sexy Sarah Palin
-(Extremely Un-sexy) Amy Winehouse
-Tobias Funke*
-Hugh Hefner*

*denotes costumes in which I'd need a/three female(s) in blonde wig(s) to accompany me.

I think that's about it for now.

Also, I really really love Jamie Lidell.

My Friends Just Got Engaged!

2008-09-17T17:54:00.002-04:00

and by "friends" I mean, people I recognize from watching too much reality TV.

So, it turns out that Jennifer Hudson is engaged to "Punk" from I Love New York 2. He was the one with the scary curl (like jerry curl, but terrifying). Also, it happens that Punk really IS a graduate of Harvard Law. Really! I'm pretty mindblown.

At least J. Huds is a step up. Go get 'em, Punk.

Blogs Away!

2008-09-16T23:04:00.002-04:00

I would say that I feel dead right now, but I don't think that dead people feel hunger. I don't think they feel the urge to play tetris either.

But, srsly. School, man. I think I'm going to describe the beginning of my fall semester using incoherent sentence fragments because: A) I don't feel like exerting effort and B) It's probably more interesting that way: Hot English professor. Endless attempts to make him laugh in class. Also eye sex. Fruitless. Will ask him out in spring. Obnoxious French detectives. Spanish = fiesta fantastica para todos. Gigantic-ass drama class. Beautiful lighting director: southern accent or speech impediment? Writing center madness. Kidnapped/sucked in by 18 crazy individuals. Shameless plug. Boys. Beers. COLLEGEEEEWOOOahsotiredsomuchworkandfunandsweetharmonizinandalsotomfoolery.

This is completely digressing. Also, I just really want a McFlurry right now... and that's saying something.

Hirarious

2008-08-31T09:58:00.002-04:00

I just made up a joke! Ready?

Q:What instrument did Sigmund Freud play in the marching band?
A: The phallic cymbals!!!!

I may just be the funniest person in the world. Or the most insane.

Happy back2skool time, friends.
-Alz

Post Number 69!!! + 1

2008-08-30T13:10:00.003-04:00

I'm such a letdown (for 2 reasons). Firstly, the last post was number 69 and I didn't celebrate appropriately... or INappropriately! hurrhurrhurr. Alright, I think that took care of it, that and, Sixtyyyyy-Niiiiiine!
It will never get old.

Secondly, August is over tomorrow and I've only blogged ONCE! Here's what I've been busy doing:
-Making up drinking games to 90's teen boardgames
-Creating my annual list of potential Halloween costumes
-Planning elaborate theme parties with Alexis that may or may not ever happen
-Working
-Buying stuff
-Realizing that the V.I.P Party Boys are daytime TV whores.
-Learning things from Tyra
-Jetsetting
-Playing "Nope/Week/Month/Year" with Alexis
-Being wild and sexy(? Nevermind, I just wanted to see how that one sounded)
-Swearing off boys forever
-Having crushes on boys
-Having nightmares about the LSAT being ruined by abusive, leg-less people

Yeah, I don't even know where to go after that.
It's time for fall, right?
LURVE,
ALLIE

Bear Eating Salmon or Bear-Eating Salmon?

2008-08-18T17:20:00.002-04:00

Vacation Notes:
Alaska was pretty cold, but also insanely beautiful.
British Columbia has been hoarding hot guys and preventing them from finding me here in the US.
Seattle is the coolest city ever and I intend to move there post-graduation.
Families are crazy.
The Princess Cruise Singers and Dancers are a bunch of hot tranny messes.
Rich old people love to buy diamonds in Alaska.

Also, I think all the rich, old people on the cruise rubbed off on me because I just bought Jean Paul Gaultier perfume on eBay. Who am I?!

If I were a drag queen, my name would be Karaoke LovesIt. Amy would be Tranny SparklePanties.

END