Sharkblog!

Pandora's Tax

2008-08-18T09:26:00.004-05:00

(not very clever, I know...)

The following is a letter I was inspired to write this morning after reading that Pandora is on the verge of shutting down. This is ridiculous. I would encourage you to read up on the situation, and if you agree, please send this letter to your own Senators and Representatives. I'll post a template in the comments that you can copy and paste. [EDIT: make sure you stick something in there about supporting the Internet Radio Equality Act, H.R. 2060 and S. 1353.]

Dear Rep. Cooper:

I am writing to voice my concern about the recent increase in royalty rates for internet radio broadcasters. As I understand it, the new rates are so high that many broadcasters will be forced to shut down before the first payment can even be made.

Let me say that I am not involved in internet broadcasting in any way. However, I am affected by this situation on many levels.

On a professional level, I am a musician about to release my first record. With the demise of internet broadcasting, that is one less outlet I can use to promote my music, which means my chances for success (and my bottom line) are significantly reduced. I am not a rich record company - I am paying for all of my expenses out of my own pocket, like a lot of independent musicians in Nashville. If I lose money, I don't have the option of "restructuring" or "downsizing" or squeezing money out of someone who is lower in the hierarchy. If I lose money, it's game over and my career is finished before it even had a chance to get started.

On a personal level, one of my favorite websites is about to fall victim to the rate increase. Pandora (http://www.pandora.com/) is a very unique website that is designed to introduce people to new music. It does what terrestrial radio used to do, and it does it better - because it can ask users what kind of music they already like, and make suggestions based on that.

I would recommend that you try this service out, Rep. Cooper. It's free and I guarantee you will be introduced to something new that you like. I have purchased a lot of music based on Pandora's recommendations.

Pandora can't be blamed for the problems the music industry is facing. They have always played by the "rules" that the copyright owners have imposed on them. Users are not allowed to listen on demand, and they can only skip past a limited number of songs per hour. And now Pandora, along with its extensive network of users, is being punished for their willingness to comply.

The new rates enacted by the Copyright Review Board at the request of SoundExchange would require Pandora to pay over 70% of their gross revenue in royalties - an amount of 2.91 cents per listener, per hour.

AT THE SAME TIME, satellite radio - which is not nearly as useful and on its way out as evidenced by the terms of the recent Sirius/XM merger - is only forced to pay 1.6 cents per listener, per hour. That is nearly an 82% increase from one type of radio to another.

I won't even go into the fact that these kinds of fees shouldn't exist. The CRB is essentially mandating that internet broadcasters pay mechanical royalties on top of the licensing fees that they already pay to the PRO's. It's sad that the music industry sees a need to cannibalize itself like this. Radio was a big part of my life growing up, as I'm sure it was for you, too, and if these changes are allowed to stand it will all but die out completely. And then where am I supposed to turn to for new music? 30-second preview clips on iTunes? I don't find that acceptable.

A good solution to this mess would be to move the burden from the broadcasters to the user - not something I would normally support, but hear me out. A small tax on internet service - no more than fifty cents to a dollar per month - would generate a lot of revenue for copyright owners in the music, film, and print industries. Allow the people to do what they want, listen to, watch, read, and download what they want - and allow them to pay for the right to do so. Negotiate with the companies involved to determine how to pay out the revenues, and in turn stop harassing the content providers that are trying to give us valuable services.

I'm afraid I waited too long to write you about this. It may be too late to stop anything from happening, but I want to make sure that you know that I am very concerned about this type of behavior from a government agency (the Copyright Review Board) acting in the best interest of a select group of greedy corporations - who, in fact, don't even know what's best for themselves.

Please take the time to investigate this matter and join together with other Representatives and Senators in Congress to fight against this injustice. It would cost a lot less in time and money than the proposed bailout of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and you would be helping out countless small business owners who have been more prudent and responsible than those two companies have been.

Thank you for your time. I hope you are able to find a way to address this problem.

Sincerely,
Brandon de la Cruz

cc: Sen. Alexander, Sen. Corker

What's on my sonic plate?

2008-07-23T00:12:00.004-05:00

...I'll tell you.

It all started tonight when I was trying to figure out what song was playing during an episode of House. I discovered that it was called "Kicked Out" by Pussy Galore, and I went in search of it.

Well, iTunes didn't have it.
Amazon didn't, either.

In fact, the only place that did was eMusic. So away I went to sign up. 50 free downloads, you say? Yes, please. I purchased the cheapest plan ($11.99) and started grabbing some songs.

---->rewind

I take that back. This whole thing actually started when I heard about Paul Westerberg's new 49-cent record. What a great thing to do - at that price, who cares if it sucks? The part that did suck slightly was having to sign up for Amazon's MP3 service and download their little program. I guess it wasn't so bad. eMusic has one too. Eh.

---->back to present

So now here we are, in the present, and I can tell you about all the great music I downloaded today and will probably listen to sometime soon:

Paul Westerberg - 49:00
Pussy Galore - Dial 'M' for Motherfucker
The Hold Steady - Stay Positive
Deastro - Keeper's
Fugazi - Red Medicine (on the recommendation of David Bazan)
Neutral Milk Hotel - Everything Is (because the preview sounded wicked)
The Dark Romantics - Heartbreaker (imported the CD I got on pre-order)
Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend
Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago (also found this through House)
Crystal Castles - Crystal Castles
The Field - From Here We Go Sublime
Spoon - Telephono, Love Ways, Soft Effects, 30 Gallon Tank

Mahler - Symphonies 5, 6, 8, 9 (I had two of these already, and found good recordings of the other two)

There you have it. I'm sure I'll rave about whatever jumps out at me.

2008-07-15T01:02:00.002-05:00

What I got:

not a lot

What I need:

some arrangements, pronto

What I am:

surrounded by cats

Studio - Day 3

2008-07-06T14:47:00.002-05:00

Saturday has been the most exciting work to date. We took on the challenge of the newest songs, working and re-working the sections until we had drum parts that we were satisfied with. That's sort of an understatement - during the final takes, I couldn't believe the sounds I was hearing.

I don't want to hype this project into the ground, so I'll just say it's going well and there are some incredible sounds on it.

6 drum tracks down, 4 or 5 to go.

Studio - Day 2

2008-07-04T23:29:00.003-05:00

We hit the ground running at about 11 AM on Friday. Caleb was running late because a dog wouldn't get into his car. Eventually he got there and we started kicking out jams.

We had some problems with a scratch track I recorded too slow. I fixed it while everyone else got lunch. We ended up finishing drums for two songs in about 5 hours. Not bad at all.

I'm hoping that we can do 3 or 4 songs tomorrow and the same on Sunday. If that works out, we'll be ahead of the game.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Studio - Day 1

2008-07-04T23:14:00.003-05:00

There's no time for anything. I don't have time to think, much less sleep or eat. After a couple of weeks of false starts, we are finally go for the Fourth of July weekend.

I don't know what to expect, because I've never done a real record before. What I have done mostly involves layering part after part in the safety of my own room.

Working with actual people is something else entirely.

Meanwhile, I put off preparations because we hadn't really nailed down a specific time to start, so when I get the word about July 3rd, I only have about two days to get everything ready. That means cutting scratch demos at my house, and it's not very pleasant. But it goes quickly and I'm able to squeeze out 5 or 6 songs. The quality is terrible, but all they have to do is keep time so the drummer knows where to play. I'm so rusty at playing and singing my own songs to a click - I hope I can get my act together when it comes time for me to track.

Thursday - the first night of tracking - went very well. We nailed down a solid drum part and worked together to get it done. There was plenty of open discussions about things, and I felt like it was a good process. I spend so much time thinking about what to do with my own songs that it makes it difficult to accept anything except the track that's already in my head. Fortunately, we came out on top and in the end we will have something to be genuinely proud of. I don't feel like it's too much to ask.

All I want to do is make the best record that anyone has ever heard.

Fallout 3: Survival Edition

2008-06-06T13:31:00.006-05:00

It sounds stupid, I know, but I'm hooked. I don't even have a PS3 yet. (Also, consider this on my wishlist for any upcoming occasions. If I break down and buy it for fear of it selling out, I'll let you know.)

As far as I'm concerned, Fallout 3 has progressed from a dubious Oblivion clone to a magnificent tour-de-force of mutants and guns and humor. I've spent many an hour at the official site combing through pictures, blogs, and interviews.

Whatever happens, I'm convinced it can't be as bad as Van Halen 3 was. That's a collector's edition I should have gone without, even though I bought it used for like 8 bucks.

cruddy guitar pick != an actual freaking PIP BOY

So, Facebook...

2008-05-07T11:25:00.003-05:00

Facebook used to be the cleaner, faster, more socially acceptable version of MySpace. Now, they're pretty much even. I'm not gonna lie. I enjoy posing random crap as much as anybody. But do we really need so many useless apps?

2008-04-21T08:11:00.002-05:00

I would hereby like to thank my local auto shop for the following:

Using an oil filter that is smaller than usual and very smooth, so that my filter wrench was too big and the strap wrench could not get any traction.
Employing the very hand of God to tighten said filter to the point where it took 45 minutes to loosen it.

The only true cookie you'll ever get

2008-04-15T23:48:00.001-05:00

I hope I don't need to explain why this is very funny, indeed.

Shine a Light

2008-04-05T11:25:00.006-05:00

I'll start this review off by establishing my identity as a critic: I love to hate stuff. Anything that deserves to be hated on, I will most definitely hate.

Here are some recent things that I've hated.

The Velvet Underground reunion DVD from 1992
Rude Boy (the performances are pretty good)
The Smiths' video collection (they hated making videos; what was I expecting?)
The Police reunion tour (everything was too slow and Adult Contemporary)

With that out of the way, I'm ready to tackle the new Rolling Stones film, Shine a Light. Lovingly directed by Martin Scorsese, it's the tale of Travis Bickle - a lonely NYC cab driver with a heart of gold - and his friends, the Rolling Stones.

Inevitable comparisons will be made to The Last Waltz, which is often referred to as "the best rock performance film of all time". So let's get that out of the way: Shine a Light holds up. It can lay claim to being a modern version of The Band's final concert. That's not the whole story though, as TLW was more than just a concert - it told tales of mythological proportions about the group through interludes and special guest appearances. SAL does not do that, but instead it reflects an odd trend in Scorsese's films: as he's gotten older, rather than slowing down, his films have gotten quicker. Much quicker. Watch The Departed and let me know when your head stops spinning. Everything extraneous is cut out.

And so it is here. The first few minutes set the scene and the tone, with everyone involved in the film apparently scattered across the globe, trying to figure out how in the heck are we gonna do this and oh no, will the guys like it and we have to build the set now and they haven't given us any feedback yet! Mick Jagger's biggest complaint is about cameras; he doesn't want a bunch of them new-fangled movin' picture boxes floatin' around, ruining the show for the audience. (Has he even seen The Last Waltz? Maybe Mick should have asked Ron Wood how it went, since he was freaking there.)

Anyway, they go on like this for a little while, setting up a frantic tone - but what nobody mentions is the fact that there are two shows, and thus two nights of filming with two days in between. But I guess it's not as legendary if they have time to reshoot and correct mistakes.

After all this hullabaloo (and some photo shoots with various important guests), somebody runs up to the control room and slaps down a setlist - the Holy Grail that Scorsese has been whining about getting since the very first scene - and the band immediately starts to play. Once again, nice storytelling. A very dramatic moment that isn't quite believable, but who cares? It's rock and roll.

Speaking of which, the film begins to rock (and roll) at this point. I was ready to be underwhelmed by a band that by all accounts have dodged more than a few bullets in their career, but this topped all of my expectations and then kept on going. It was a full-on assault and I don't think Mick Jagger stopped moving the entire time. He was throwing down mad moves. Any up-and-coming frontman who doesn't take his cues at least partly from Jagger is just treading water and wasting time.

The performance was solid. Everybody can play, everybody can sing. Nobody has "lost it", and if you want to criticize Jagger for not going for a lot of high notes, keep in mind that 1) HE WAS MOVING THE ENTIRE TIME (did I mention this already?), and 2) about 2/3 of the way through I realized that every single note he sang was calculated in terms of the line and building the songs up at the right times, perhaps while preserving energy because of point 1. But don't let this fool you. He gave 100% and it was impressive. The way he sang was effective and he also proved that he still does have the high notes, which I guess is him saying that he's gonna do what he damn well pleases, and we're gonna like it.

This brings me to my final point: I liked it. It's tough and it's brutal, and it hits you right where you live. The clips between songs don't do anything except present sound bites of various Stones being irritated with the media and alternately saying that they do and/or don't think that they'll still be playing when they're 60. The one interview clip that was fascinating was an interview with Dick Cavett, because you can tell Mick is engaged and interested in the questions that are being asked. I think this has to do with the fact that the vast majority of reporters and talk show hosts had no idea what was going on, and always asked the dumbest, least intellectual questions ("What's the question that people ask you the most?" Keith: "That one.") but Cavett sets his questions up with genuine, thoughtful insights. I don't know anybody that does this today. The trend among interviewers right now is sarcasm and so-called satire (not naming any names here, Comedy Central), but it's too easy to mask ignorance with it - you don't always have to know what you're talking about to be sarcastic.

I won't spoil anything else for you, except to say that Buddy Guy at 71 can play and sing anybody off the stage. I hate the blues and I thought I would never like it, but this made me think that maybe it has something to do with witnessing the performance rather than just hearing the music through some tiny speakers at home. They should have never released the soundtrack on CD. It's a rock and roll movie! Go see it - don't even preview the songs on iTunes because they are nothing without the visuals. Shine a Light isn't supposed to be listened to. It's supposed to be experienced.

2008-04-04T20:34:00.002-05:00

From the Urban Dictionary:

acoustic shave, n.
: the act of shaving with a manual razor; not an electric shave

"Hey man, do you use Norelco?"
"No way, I shave acoustic!"

bear stearn, v.
: to crash, collapse, plummet, fail

I can't believe it. I completely bear stearned that test.

2008-04-02T09:05:00.005-05:00

I know a lot of people hate Fox News, and I'm not here to polarize anything one way or the other. I'm just very interested in analyzing what I saw while flipping through channels.

Things that Shepard Smith reported on last night in the space of about five minutes:

Some kids in a rural town in the South had planned a violent attack on a teacher, but were caught before they could carry it out. There were about six of them, and old Shep asks the field reporter, "Are they going to let these kids back in school?" as if to say that they should just be turned out onto the street.
Drug violence in Mexico is escalating, specifically in the border town of Juarez (where I spent a week building a house once). Some people have been brutally killed and the Mexican government has sent military troops to try and restore order. Shep asks the field reporter if the violence will "spill over" into the U.S. and the guy actually says, "We're worried about that because if the Mexicans drive these drug dealers out, they are going to need a place to go, and it could get ugly," as if masked gunmen were going to invade every single house in San Antonio looking for snitches and narcs and shooting everyone they see.
Some guy was standing on a building in New York City and throwing molotov cocktails onto cars. Shep's comment: "What a freakshow."

I guess what it comes down to is if you prefer your news to be loaded upfront with commentary or not. It was weird because I knew exactly the kind of responses they were going for, and I have responded to those things in the past - I think the best word for it is "pandering" (thanks, Calvin & Hobbes).

But then again, a news source that strives to be objective is also pandering, isn't it? Just to a different set of criteria, one that certain people have rated as "better" than another set. I probably feel as good when I read a complex news story about a difficult problem with no obvious solution as other people do when a talking head calls somebody a freakshow or talks loudly over what someone else is trying to say.

2008-03-28T23:49:00.004-05:00

The saddest thing about Eliot Spitzer is that he had a genuine chance to be a force for positive change. Very early in his career, he began to target corruption, and he had a knack for it. He took on the Gambino family. He busted the hell out of white-collar criminals and did everything in his power to keep corporate America in check. He was a puritan and a zealot when it came to the law. His methods were questionable, but he got results.

It's too bad that he couldn't have been more judicious (ironically) in both his pursuit of justice and his personal life. I don't even really care about the moral aspect; it's just stupid to be caught like that. Although he might have been set up by one or more of his numerous enemies, it doesn't really matter. If he had played his cards right and gone the decent and upstanding route, he could have done a lot of good and brought a lot of respect to his office.

But as Snoop Dogg so eloquently put it, "It’s too late for advice now. If he’d seen me before, it would have been real discreet and would not have exposed his game. He would still be able to be client number nine."

(On an unrelated note: Why do people have such a hard time with the words "discreet" and "discrete"? They mean such different things. Also, a "sneak peak" is not a preview. It's a ninja mountain.)

(On a related note: What is Snoop doing on The View? Singing instead of rapping? There's some kind of powerful and hilarious forces at work here. I think he does it for the audience, which is at least 90% twentysomething girls and soccer moms.)

2008-03-27T21:22:00.004-05:00

From the "So that's why I like it so much" department:

Love is Hell is by far my favorite Ryan Adams record in terms of songwriting and atmosphere. So imagine my surprise when I found out today that it was produced by the one and only John Porter. The same guy who did all those magical early Smiths tunes.

So that's (maybe) why I like it so much.

2008-03-27T19:55:00.005-05:00

Dear New TV Shows:

Stop trying to imitate The Office by including "candid" interview segments with the main characters. It will never work for you. (It almost works in that Life show...but it will never work for you.)

2008-03-27T17:56:00.005-05:00

I don't have much time to write because I am sizzling, smoking, burning at both ends and I want to do something creative/productive before the same old blah sets back in. You gotta take what you can get.

I thought I was going to start blogging exclusively on my band's myspace, but it turns out that this space still has a use. Especially after reading Ryan Adams's new blog. It's inspiring. Maybe I'll start making little videos, although I don't know who would want to watch them. (Besides my mom - hi Mom, I know you're reading! Isn't the internet great?) Not that it matters who watches them, really.

I am listening to lots of new stuff, or at least receptive to hearing new things. For a while I wasn't having any of it. I went back to The Replacements and found some great things. Same with, uh, Wham!

...yeah.

It's a little pointless to write a blog in such a guarded manner. But what can I say, that's what I do. I'm not going to divulge any deep, dark secrets just to turn a few heads. Even if that kind of stuff is a heck of a good read.

I leave you with some excellent first-wave ska. Skank your hearts out.

The Skatalites - Beardsman Ska

I HATE BUGS

2008-03-17T20:37:00.002-05:00

...all of them. The creepy ones, the crawly ones. The ones that make you spew liquid out of every conceivable orifice until you just wish it would end.

I would probably like the techno-organic virus, though. The kind that Cable has. Keep that one, and get rid of all the others.

nerd alert

2008-01-03T22:12:00.000-06:00

Ok, I'm watching the Orange Bowl right now. And I've been trying to figure out what looks odd about it.

All the numbers on the field, instead of being solid white, are white outlined with orange. Against the green background of the field, this looks pretty odd.

In fact, it looks just like the original Dragon Warrior when your fighter gets low on hit points. All the white borders on the screen turn into an orangey red color.

(I warned you this post would be nerdy.)

The first sign of trouble

2008-01-03T09:34:00.002-06:00

I knew things were heading south about two minutes into the West Virginia/Oklahoma game last night. The announcers kept talking about how big the Oklahoma offensive line was - how they were all above 300 lbs. except one guy, and how they expected to manhandle the smaller WV line.

I immediately thought of my idea - if I were ever a college football coach - to stack the line with smaller, faster guys to facilitate the pass rush.

And that's exactly what WV did. They whooped some serious ass by just running around those huge slow guys.

I hope the trend towards the quicker spread offense results in slimmer, faster linemen. It's not healthy to be that big, and it's not exciting to watch what basically amounts to sumo wrestling at the line.

And with that, my perfect record for bowl game picks in the new year is ruined. That's what I get for not giving West Virginia enough credit. Congratulations to Bill Stewart for the win and permanent promotion to head coach.

Remaining games (my picks underlined):

Virginia Tech vs. Kansas
Rutgers vs. Ball State
Bowling Green vs. Tulsa (partly because of how they played against UCF, and partly because of the Rufus Wainwright song "Tulsa")
LSU vs. Ohio State (I'm calling it right now, Michigan took Florida and OSU can take LSU. At the very least, I don't think Jim Tressel will let himself be embarrassed again after what happened last year.)

Some easy fixes for 'I Am Legend'

2007-12-17T13:33:00.000-06:00

(This is very long and contains spoilers. It was also pretty much written for my own amusement, so I apologize in advance if it's not worth reading. In fact, you should probably just quit while you're ahead.)

Most of you know me as a hater. I love to hate things. This isn't entirely true - I love to love things, too - but it's probably a side of me you're familiar with. When things suck, I tend to say so.

'I Am Legend' sucks - in a subtle way. On the surface, they did many things right with this movie. The setting and feel of the environment matches the book's and maybe even surpasses it. In fact, just about everything up until the third act is perfect, except for a few major details:

1) The disease is supposed to mimic vampirism, not transform people into animalistic beasts. This may seem like splitting hairs, but the infected in the book were incredibly scary because they retained virtually all of their humanity while being changed physiologically by the disease. Many of the "monsters" were Neville's former friends and neighbors and they would stand outside his house at night, talking and screaming for him to come out.

2) Neville is interested in a scientific explanation for the disease in the book, and does not know how it originated. He does not concern himself with a cure. During the day, he explores the city systematically (like in the movie), except with the express purpose of finding and killing infected people (who fall into a deep coma during the day). These people are immune to bullets and can only be reliably killed by stakes, something Neville attempts to analyze scientifically.

These first two points taken together set up the entire purpose of the book. When you change them, for whatever reason - maybe Will Smith didn't want to be portrayed as a killer? - it changes the whole story and you might as well call it something else. The lame voice-over at the end is hardly a match for the original ending.

So let's compare the endings, shall we?

Movie: The third act is ridiculous. Neville sees one of his mannequins somewhere else in the city, and gets really mad for some strange reason. He shoots it up and goes to investigate, when he is captured by a snare trap. He passes out and wakes up near sunset, cuts himself down, and crawls to his car right before some infected dogs can get to him. His dog Sam is bitten up and eventually has to be put down. This is sad, but it's never explained who set the trap and why. You can make the case that the infected set it, but as Neville himself explains in one of his video journals, they have lost all semblance of human behavior and would therefore be incapable of the higher thought processes necessary to set a trap for him.

So ok, that's fine. Whatever. The dog dies. Neville goes crazy and lures a bunch of the infected out to the dock at night with a decoy of himself. He then waits in his car to run them down. They jump all over, beat up the car and basically throw it around (hooray for inexplicable super strength) until it flips and crashes, leaving Neville vulnerable. At the last minute someone rescues him.

**This is where it gets really stupid.**

There is a woman and a boy (Anna and Ethan) who have come all the way from Sao Paolo in search of a survivors' colony. They drive the exact same type of SUV as Neville, outfitted the same way. They rescue him and ask him where he lives so they can patch him up.

Neville wakes up at his house and confronts them, and Anna tries to convince him that God helped her rescue him and is telling her to go to the survivors' colony in Vermont. (She has not heard about this from anyone, I mean Neville even says, "How do you know?" and she says "God told me.") The whole scene has no point. It's just her saying "God told me" and him going "there is no God". It was weak. They could have argued that point better, or better yet, avoided it completely.

Neville explains why he likes Bob Marley so much, which actually was a nice touch and added to the depth of his character. (The reggae soundtrack did a great job of enhancing the mood at the beginning.)

Then the infected come to his house. He yells at Anna for letting them follow her. (Are we seriously supposed to believe that they are smart enough to set a trap, but not smart enough to figure out where he lives?) Fortunately, Neville has rigged up all kinds of lights and explosives that are apparently designed to attract even more of them and blow open his house. What a scientist this guy is.

So the infected get in - pretty darn easily. They fight, and fight, and fight and fight and fight. Neville manages to blow up his kitchen in the process. On purpose. Then he runs upstairs to see if the others are safe. He gets them and everyone goes down to the secret lab in the basement. They barricade themselves behind some serious glass and wait. The monsters come, of course, and OH NO - they are starting to break the glass!

Just then Anna notices that the infected woman that was chained to a bed is getting better. Yay! Neville's experiments have produced a cure! So he draws some blood, gives the vial to Anna, and stuffs her in a cubbyhole with the kid, telling her to wait until dawn. (Because while the infected are smart enough to set a trap, they will not open the door of a cubbyhole to see if anyone is inside.) Neville then grabs a conveniently placed grenade, pulls the pin, and rushes at the horde just as they break the glass, blasting them all to hell - or wherever monster souls are sent to. Probably Cleveland.

The movie ends with the woman and kid driving up to the survivors' colony and being let in. "Robert Neville found a cure and that is his legend," the voice-over says.

Give me a break.

Book: Ok, here we go. I'll start with the dog as well. Neville has a dog, just like in the movie, but in the book he captures it in the wild and trains it, only to have it die of the vampire infection. Bummer.

Neville is getting pretty tired of his life, which is hunting and killing vampires by day, and drinking whiskey and listening to music at night.

Then - bada bing! - out of nowhere, he finds a woman during the day. She is pretty messed up and scared of him, so he knocks her out to take her home and try and help her. She wakes up and is all nervous and jittery. Plus, Neville is suspicious, so he makes her eat garlic, which he knows the infected are repelled by. She ends up eating it (he kind of crams it in her mouth) and satisfies Neville's suspicions.

It goes on for a little while, until Neville does a blood test on her. (He has identified the so-called bacteria that are present in the infected.) She tests positive but manages to knock him out before he can do anything.

Neville wakes up and she is gone. She leaves a note that says that some of the infected people have figured out how to slow down the disease, but they still pretty much have to go comatose during the day and drink blood and stuff. She was sent as a spy to watch Neville because he is a threat to them - a mysterious man who can kill them while they sleep.

**This is kind of where the whole point of the book is made.**

The note warns Neville that he is in danger and should leave, and that if he were to leave that he would not be pursued. The people trying to live with the infection have formed a rudimentary society and are attempting to re-establish some semblance of a normal life. Neville, as we know, has been killing since the beginning of the book, and apparently some of the people he killed were "survivors" or not entirely wasted by the disease.

Neville decides to disregard the note and continue on like he always has. A few months later, the society has advanced enough to send a force to capture him. They take him alive before the new society and execute him. Just as vampires were regarded as legendary monsters that preyed on the vulnerable humans in their beds, Neville has become the last of a dead breed - the mythical figure that kills people while they are sleeping.*

He's the legend now, get it?

Look - I'm not some purist who thinks that movies based on books should always stick to the source material. What they should do is effectively translate the spirit of the book into another medium.

One of the points the movie made was that the disease was created by an effort to cure cancer. That's an interesting twist and I think it's in keeping with the spirit of the book.

However, they changed just a few key details and the whole mess got stupid. I bet somebody could even edit the movie at home and fix most of it. Now that might be something worth watching.

*thanks, wikipedia!

I Kind of Watched it for 5 Minutes

2007-11-02T21:00:00.000-05:00

Here's some sporadic, completely uninformed notes from stumbling into the middle of The Next Great American Band:

The host has a weird eye and a shitty accent - worse than Chase's, for crying out loud
This kid band is pretty awesome. Hair metal Hanson.
Hmmm, a goth band. Aight.
Wow, a real redneck version of "Honky Cat". Nice.
The Muggs freaking blow ass. They must be the token sucky artist.
The Aussie judge is a poor man's Simon Cowell, which means yes, there are 2 Australians on this show
Johnny Rzezeneizeenk is lying through his teeth right now to the Muggs
Now we're talking. When a commercial for House is more interesting than the show, that's trouble.
It's nice that they get to do originals, but...sheesh. Can ANYONE do an Elton John song with some class here? It's not hard, unless you ignore everything about the original recording.
It really doesn't work when the judges are super nice and the band goes, "Yeah, well your comment sucks." Nobody is listening.
THE AUSSIE JUDGE JUST SAID JOE STRUMMER WAS A GREAT SINGER. And then he said, "Good on ya". That guy is my new best friend.
If Denver doesn't even get to play this week, I'm gonna be pissed. I just started watching. Come on!
Before I even knew about this, I was thinking about doing a version of "The Bitch is Back". I stand by this idea. The producers would have let me do that, right? It's Fox.
Thank goodness, Denver is on. Let's see what they do.
Wow. Hatch is a bunch of sissy bitches.
Hey, it's a band that sounds like a real band!
Not really digging the original, it sounds kind of ordinary. The Elton John cover sounds rushed, the horns are nice and flashy, but where is the grit? The heart? Show your balls guys, I know there has to be at least one set up there. :P
Oh my goodness, it's Paul Shearer. Way to kill that shit.

Camp Fritos

2007-08-22T14:19:00.000-05:00

On my break today, I ventured across the street to the gas station. I found a lovely bag of Fritos brand Honey BBQ Flavor Twists (highly recommended). As I was finishing them off, I noticed something about a "Camp Fritos" contest on the back. Your usual product-related promotional stunt - but instead of lots of money, or a big car, it wasn't exactly clear what they were giving away. (A trip to camp? Who wants that?) So I dove into the fine print, and this is what I found:

Prizes: Grand Prize (1): The ultimate camping prize pack. Approximate Retail Value (ARV): $602.87.

Are they serious? Not only is this "prize" still completely unknown, it's not even worth my effort to try and find out, much less actually enter the contest. I'd even go so far as to say it wasn't even worth the effort for Frito-Lay to organize it and print the bags and have the website redesigned and so on. Nobody is going to buy any more Fritos because of this. There is no positive effect whatsoever. You can't even win the grand prize directly - it's a drawing. The actual prizes you can win with the stupid code on the bag are as follows:

Instant-Win Prizes: 1st Prize (4): RoadTrip Grill Sport LE, ARV $141.99. 2nd Prize (49): 30" Round Stainless Steel Fireplace, ARV $99.99. 3rd Prize (99): PackAway Table Set for four, ARV $90.99. 4th Prize (199): 7'x5' Sundome Family Tent, ARV $40.99. 5th Prize (316): Cambridge 30-degree Sleeping Bag, ARV $37.99. 6th Prize (319): 48-quart Chest Cooler, ARV $24.99. 7th Prize (1,016): 4D Camp Lantern, ARV $12.99.

It's like Frito-Lay's brother or mom got them a Wal-Mart gift card and they decided to share the windfall with everyone. Seriously - they couldn't spring for some remote-controlled cars or Fritos hats? A Fritos iPod case - this is just off the top of my head here. A bag of fake Fritos that tastes like lemons. At least I could fool somebody with that and get some laughs. I'm not going to go waste 20 minutes wading through a Flash-encrusted website just to punch a code in and be informed that I've won a freaking tent. (I will, however, spend much more time blogging about not doing it.)

Winning something cheap and useless is worse than not winning at all. I feel like the scratch-off ticket I bought at the same time was actually a better investment, and I already know I didn't win anything from it. I can't view Flash at work (thank goodness) so whoever wants to try this code is more than welcome, but if you win a lantern you have to let me borrow it. (Good job to the code writers, by the way, for not only using both "S" and "5", but putting them right next to each other.)

KTP 112 S5 82

Fortune cookie says...

2007-08-08T13:24:00.000-05:00

"Have a beautiful day."

Lottery Numbers: 84 57 4 75 3 84

How to make a great cover

2007-08-05T22:46:00.000-05:00

Step 1: Find some good source material.

"I Hope it Rains at my Funeral" - Tom T. Hall

Your typical 70's country song, right? Maybe it's a little more insightful than most.

Step 2: Do what these guys did.

"I Hope it Rains at my Funeral" - Whiskeytown

Arguably the best track they ever cut, it somehow tacks on 4 minutes to the original, slows the tempo down, and makes the magic happen. You can pick it apart and say it was this or that, but really what it comes down to is Ryan Adams in his prime, hungry and desperate and still not quite sure if he's ever going to make it.

(What? Whiskeytown did a cover of "Blank Generation"? I have to put the final verdict on hold until I hear that.)