A Whole Lotta' Nothin.

Double Vision

2006-07-12T10:39:00.000-05:00

So we're having TWINS! Holy hell - what did I get myself into?

We currently have a little circus monkey at home - jumping and pulling up and rocking. I tell ya, once that kid becomes fully mobile, he's never going to sit. And then we're having freaking TWINS. Speaking of which, my little circus monkey turned 8 months yesterday! Happy month-day baby. =)

My due date is 2/11/07, although we're hoping to have 2 on 2/2. That would be just about appropriate considering the family history of notable numbers. The dr is talking c-section, I'm thinking there isn't any way I'm going to consent to someone slicing into my stomach to dig out two babies. No thanks. I think this time I'll just opt for the much more popular 'stork brings 'em' option. That sounds much less painful and worrysome anyway.

The family's excited (ha! The family doesn't have to take CARE of them!), and we're still excited as long as we turn off the logical part of our brains. (Would that be the LEFT brain?) Anyway, I tried to think logically the other day about it but quickly found that instead of being logical I was hyperventilating and bargaining with god, so I decided to stop doing that. Nope, happy is definitely where I want to be.

Have started trying to put together a birthday party plan for my almost-7-year-old. I've decided that we'll do a 'friends' party Friday night and a 'family' party on Saturday. Put them both together and the results could be disasterous. So we're trying to come up with ideas on what to do with 20 7-year-olds. The options are fairly dim...bowling? Laser tag? Rent a hall and let them go nuts? (That sounds like the best option...) We're definitely not playing the 'Hey! Let's see how many things we can break in Alec's house!' game, as much fun as that really sounds.

'Cheeseburger in Paradise' was just on the radio. Now I want a big fat cheeseburger. Yep. I'm pregnant.

Chasing the dream of being a 'Martha Mom'

2006-06-23T09:07:00.000-05:00

Sitting at a stoplight on the way to work this morning, I looked over in the residential area and caught a 'Martha Mom'. She was wearing cute little white capris, a pressed bright yellow polo, with perfectly-coiffed hair and manicured nails. She was out in her yard sprinkling plant food on her flower beds. It was barely 7:00 a.m. I'm not sure if it was my wistful-ness or my jealousy that made me decide that she was probably a closet bullemic and in therapy for her failing marriage twice a week.

Ever since my first son was born I've had this obsession with being the 'Martha Mom'. I so badly want to be that mom that has everything in order. The one that can help her kids build a perfect replica of the Brooklyn Bridge - to scale - using a clothes hanger, a square of saran-wrap, and some leftover Christmas tinsel. I want to be the mom with the perfect house and the gorgeous flower beds that I designed, planted, and upkeep myself. The mom that can effortlessly wrangle a 6-year-old and a baby, on Saturday afternoon, in the mall, at 'Toy Paradise', after the two ice-cream sundaes grandma let them have, with no nap...without breaking a sweat. I want to be the 'hostess with the mostest', whipping up a batch of delicious hors de vours in a moment's notice using only things I currently have in the fridge. The mom that gets in two hours at the gym daily and has a rockin' body to show for it. The mom that can cook and sew and sing and organize a never-to-be-forgotten birthday party for thirty 3-year-olds. I want to be a mom like the ones I see in 'Pottery Barn Kids' or 'Parents' who always has cute, crafty projects for the kiddos to immerse themselves in to 'let their creativity emerge'. The mom that does all that...in cute little kitten-heels.

Not to mention that I also want to be winning 'Wife of the Year' awards in the interim.

I wonder what the obsession with the 'Martha Mom' is? I know a few people like this, and I'm wildly jealous. I see moms at t-ball games that have impeccable lawn chairs and finger-sandwiches and apple wedges for the kids. Moms that carry cute little drink coolers that match their outfits and big sunhats that I thought only moms at the yacht club wore. And after I'm finished thinking 'Geesh, loosen up!', I'm secretly thinking 'I wish I had it all together.'

I keep thinking that if we won the lottery, I could be a Martha Mom. But I don't really know who I'm kidding. We'd spend the $ on bills, then stocking up on 'essentials' like Hamburger Helper and pre-made pudding cups. Then we'd take the kids to Disneyland.

Hey, I may not ever be a Martha Mom, but at least I can be fun.

Pass the Donuts.

2006-06-16T14:27:00.000-05:00

I'm a major stress-eater, I've come to find out. Food is like my crack-cocaine...my release from the world...a haven from the harsh reality that is my life. You wouldn't believe how much better a big greasy cheeseburger can make me feel, or how much more harmonious the world seems after a few deep-fried mozzerella sticks. And it's never good food that I crave. It's always the greasy, cheesy, artery-terrorizing crap that I definitely shouldn't be eating. It's the stuff that makes me avoid a mirror or - worse - a scale, like the plague. It's the main ingredient in my very own self-destruction cocktail. And my god...it hurts sooo good.

That's not the worst of it though. The worst of it is times like this. Times when I'm stressed out to the max. Times when I'm faced with a new job and a move and a new town and a new life and the alarmingly good possibility that I'm going to lose custody of my son because I was trying to make good a few years ago and agreed to joint custody. Times when I feel like all my friends are a million miles away, and I just need a hug. Times when I feel so completely, achingly helpless that I can't stand it anymore. Times that are so rough that I can no longer indulge in my addiction. THESE times are tough.

I'm stressed. My normal response to stress is pizza or ice cream or soda. I can't afford pizza or ice cream or soda. In fact, we have 1/2 lb. of hamburger, 1/2 a watermelon, and shredded cheese in the fridge right now. And Worchestershire sauce. It's hugely depressing to even open the fridge door anymore. I've got the addict-shakes, like when one's gone too long between shooting up. I drive myself crazy with thoughts of a steak and baked potato.

I have a serious problem.

And the best way to cure a problem behavior is to just stop behaving in that way, right? I mean, that's what I tell my kids when they're being mean to each other. That's what I preach when they're being naughty...you need to just stop! I guess I never realized how hard stopping really is. And that, piled on top of the 100 other things crowded on my plate right now, is the most depressing. It's the most intimidating. It's hard to change a habit. I've heard that if a person starts a habit (ie eating better), it will take like 2 weeks to sink in. Wrong.

I think I just need a donut, and I'll feel much better.

Just one more...

Long weekend...

2006-06-13T10:48:00.000-05:00

...and not in the good sense. I really wish I could say it was a good weekend, as some things about it were genuinely good. But it seems life just doesn't like to make things easy for me very often. Got some loose ends/bad feelings cleared up over the weekend on one end, and really added to the loose ends/bad feelings on the other. Maybe that's just my balance in life. Maybe it's 'mediator training' or something. Maybe my role in life is to understudy people like Ghandi, and this is just serious training for what's ahead.

Doubtful.

Here's to a better week (hopefully!)

Kiwi Fruit

2006-06-06T09:44:00.000-05:00

Yet another blog all about a suggested topic on the messageboard - albeit a bit late. I've been busy, what can I say?

Kiwi fruit is a small, brown, round-ish, fuzzy fruit that bears an uncanny resemblence to a certain male body part that I don't think I have to mention. Inside, the fruit is green with lots of little black seeds. Kiwi fruit is sweet, and a bit grainy to eat. Alternate names are Chinese gooseberry (gooseberry being a slang term for said male body part) and Yang-Tao - which is kind of like the sound a male murmers from his fetal position on the floor when his Chinese gooseberries are injured.

Kiwi plants grow in vines and are often supported on a trellis-system. The plants bloom white or cream colored flowers and are dioecious, meaning they bear either male or female flowers - thus needing plants of both sexes to produce fruit. Self-fruiting males are known to exist, but produce less desirable fruit. (Anyone here want to argue the merits of male/female breeding vs. breeding by oneself? Anyone...? Didn't think so.)

Kiwi fruit makes an excellent addition to fruit salads and fruity drinks. A slice of kiwi goes well with a big strawberry margarita (as does the SALT from the potato chips...see below.) Kiwi is an excellent source of dietary fiber - 1C = over 6 grams. Strawberry margaritas are an excellent source of water (crushed ice), dietary fiber, potassium, and Vitamin C (strawberries). So really, a strawberry margarita (or 6) with a slice of kiwi fruit is a great, refreshing, healthy addition to your reduced-calorie diet and will promote weight loss, as we all know fiber tends to speed things along.

I'm relieved I can finally drink, guilt-free. ;)

WARNING: Objects in mirror are closer than they appear...

2006-05-24T11:29:00.000-05:00

It's been brought to my attention (which is the nice way of saying I've been pounded over the head with the fact) recently that some people are not who I thought they were. What a startling revelation (honestly). It's so weird to think you know someone and realize that person is not who you thought s/he was. It's hard to not feel 'duped' in a situation like that. It's hard to not feel violated. Even though I know it has nothing to do with me.

I've also learned that no matter where you go, no matter how old you get, the incessant drama of high school will follow you. Actually, I think high school was just this big training camp for 'life' as an adult. I think the bitchy head cheerleader with closet insecurity issues was really covert-training us on the bitchy know-it-all boss in our lives. I think the 'popular' clique that none of us was really a part of was in-depth battlezone experience on the friends we think we have, but don't. Seriously - any relationships you have in life can relate to the stereotypical relationships you had in high school. And in the end, you always end up with that same, tight group of people you started out with.

So really... high school is life on steriods.

What a comforting thought.

On a better note - HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHADLY! The Big 2-9 today! ;)

Oh, so it's THAT kind of Monday...

2006-05-22T07:53:00.000-05:00

When your day doesn't start until you have a huge frosting-covered sweet roll and 32 oz. of soda in your gullet, it's going to be a long day.

I don't know what's with me today. I'm super tired, even though I got a lot of sleep this weekend. I just feel like a zombie. And it's freaking freezing in here today. That doesn't help. I guess it's better than keeping the building at a nice, balmy 82. At least if it's cold, I might stay awake shivering.

Have a big week at work and at home planned this week. Tons to do. So I'm hoping I can wake up a little bit to actually DO all of it. Father's day is coming up, so I have a few ideas to put into play for the amazing, AMAZING father in my/our life. He deserves so much more than I could ever afford to give him. And, seriously...what do you give the guy who's got everything (ie a fantastic wife and wonderful kids??) ;)

Getting ready to hibernate, obviously.

2006-05-10T11:20:00.000-05:00

Well I obviously resisted the urge, once again, to take off in the donut truck. One of these days...I'm telling ya. You're gonna see me on the news.

After screwing off on the board for 3 hours this morning, I decided to put my schnoz to the grindstone and get this To-Do list (sitting ever-so-casually out of the way on my desk) done. SO - I put my nose to the grindstone 2 hours ago, and here're the results:
Of the 23 items on my list:

9 are finished.
6 are pending on other matters out of my control.
1 is a huge do-anytime project.
2 are copying and filing - neither of which I feel like doing right now.
2 go together into one HUGE project - part of which I have to have done soon, but that part feeds into a bigger part that there's no way I'm going to have done by the June meeting.
3 are quick projects that I'll finish up later today.

Brought chick food for lunch today again. I really need to stop doing that - I always dread the 1/2 cup of food I'm allowed. But, I guess, if I ate Lazarri's pizza everyday, that wouldn't be such a good thing either. Mike and I watched videos from my family's trip to Alaska (in 2000) last night. While hard (lots of dad footage), it was also disgusting to see myself, as I was a LOT smaller back then. I have more baby weight hanging around from Alec NOW than I did THEN.

Ick.

My fool-proof plan

2006-05-09T13:52:00.000-05:00

I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but every morning on my way into the building I seriously consider hijacking the donut guy's truck and driving off into the sunrise. It's always parked right outside the building...full of donuts...and just waiting. He jumps out and takes a box of donuts in to the cafeteria and, I swear, every morning I have to fight to not jump in the van and zoom off. I swear, I can't lose in the deal! I get pulled over, all I have to do is offer the nice police officer a donut! (Who's not going to take a free donut? I mean, come on!) I think the only thing stopping me from donut hijacking at this point is seeing the reflection of my already enormous ass in the side window. *Sigh.* Someday...

I get to spend an entire Saturday at the spa this weekend. I can't wait. The gift certificate was a Christmas/Birthday/Valentine's Day/Anniversary/Mother's Day/any other gift-giving holiday occuring in the next year - gift. And it's totally going to be worth it. I'm so excited to go! Sometimes it rocks to be a mom.

I think the weather's finally turning nice, so I can finally dust off my old spring/summer excuses for not exercising. FINALLY. The whole 'it's too cold outside' thing was getting old. I honestly do need to get out and walk/jog/run (ha!!) again though (and various other good intentions including gardening and painting the house.)

I think it sounds much better to hijack a donut truck.

Hail Mary full of grace...

2006-05-02T09:44:00.000-05:00

May 2. Gawd where has this year gone? Baby's almost 6 months old at this point, and I can't help thinking that we'll be working on his 1st birthday party before we know it. I can't believe how fast he's growing up.

Gave him his first bites of cereal Friday night. He kind of looked at me like I had two heads, but seemed to take it pretty well. Before the bowl was half gone, I feared the kid was going to impale himself on the spoon. He could not possibly have lunged for the cereal any harder. Then, 4 whole bites later, he was done and ready to move on.

FORTUNATELY he very clearly has his mother's patience level. (I'm rolling my eyes, you just can't see it.)

Writing today as I'll be gone W-F this week. We don't have daycare, so I'm staying home with the kids. Most people are telling me that it's nice to have time off like that. I'm just thinking of all the laundry and vacuuming and housecleaning that awaits, and I'd almost rather be at work. It sucks to have to burn vacation time when I'm not actually going on VACATION, but whatever. Don't really have an option right now.

Going home for a rousing weekend with the fam this weekend. 7 kids 6-and-under for a full weekend of family fun. Now watch, it's going to rain. I'll bet you a dollar. So weekend of family fun is going to end up being weekend of hair-pulling-eye-clawing-biting-screaming-yelling-good-time.

Pray for me.

Potato Chips.

2006-04-27T09:20:00.000-05:00

Potato chips were, surprisingly enough, invented in 1853 in Sarasota Springs, NY, as a practical joke. A chef by the name of George Crum (get it? CRUM? hahaha...moving on...) was cooking a batch of french-fried potatoes, as had become a very popular dinner fare in those times, at the request of one of his diners. Upon serving the french fries, they were sent back to him, as they were sliced too thick, so he sliced a batch thinner and took it back out to the table. Those fries as well were sent back, and Chef Crum (haha) got pissed so he decided to slice the potatoes and fry them so thinly that they couldn't be skewered by a fork. His plan backfired, and thus potato chips were born.

Potato chips are seasoned many different ways in the 21st century, but still one of the most favored seasonings is salt. Which reminds me of some of the other things salt goes good with. Like margaritas. And tequila shots. Speaking of tequila shots, there was this one time - July 4th of '01 I believe, that my friend Amanda and I decided that we were going to do some tequila shots. So we bought a large bottle of Cuervo for the occasion, 5 limes, and (as you guessed it) salt. The 'proper' way to do a tequila shot is as follows:

Lick the back of the hand you will be using to hold the shot glass.
Sprinkle salt on the back of said hand - so it sticks to the wetness.
Grab a slice of lime in your opposite hand, fleshy inside facing you.
Grab the shot glass full of tequila in your first (salty) hand.
Lick the salt off the back of your hand.
Shoot (gulp/slam/guzzle/swig/toss down/slug/knock back) the tequila.
Slam your shot glass on the table, and suck the fleshy goodness out of the lime.
Squeeze your eyelids together as to prevent your eyeballs from bulging out.
Throw the lime rind on the table, shake your head a few times, yell something like 'Yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiy!'.
Smile, grab the bottle, and pour another shot. Repeat process.

So anyway, Amanda and I got so wrapped up in the process of shooting tequila that, 45 minutes later our vision was a little (a LOT) blurry - at which time we realized we'd finished nearly the entire bottle of Cuervo. Thinking that was more hillarious than George Carlin live, we laughed, somewhat incontrollably, and finished off the bottle in short order.

A short while later, we (I) got to see that tequila again. Not the most fun time ever, I assure you. But had there been an absense of salt - which is still the most popular seasoning in potato chips - I'm confident, the night would have been much worse.

So there you go - an entire (entertaining) post about potato chips. =)

***NOTE: To suggest your own topic, please see the message board forum on the right top of my blog.***

Ba ba da baaaa daaaa da da ba......

2006-04-26T12:36:00.000-05:00

My son has discovered the miracle of consonant sounds. Prior to Monday, his only consonant was 'G' as in gooooooooooooooooooooooo. But, miracle of miracles, he started babbling on Monday night. And he's so serious. And it's *SO* cute. I thank god for video cameras at times like that.

This is the perfect baby age, I think. He's not mobile yet - no worry of him drinking bleach or pine sol. He's not putting words together enough to talk back. He's not throwing temper tantrums. When he cries, he's genuinelly sad or hurt or upset, and when that upset is fixed, he's all smiles again. I LOVE this age!

My husband can't wait until he's up and running around, but I keep telling him...as soon as baby's doing that, I'm going to want another one. ;) (At least it shuts him up for a few minutes...)

The pictures last night went AWESOME. I'm going to have a good time trying to choose which ones to buy - which in reality won't be many, as we don't really have the $ for it anyway. And once again I say...what a pleasure it would be to be independently wealthy. I really need to buy one of those Powerball tickets. (Preferably the winning one...)

On another good note, I got my 'job' back as cl on the board. The support on the board for me to be reinstated was overwhelming - and my inbox was flooded for 4 days straight. I absolutely couldn't believe it. And then Monday morning the CM's emailed me and said they were willing to give me one more chance. I about started crying right then and there. I'd never realized how much I love that board, those women, or cl'ing in general until then.

And even better, my husband got an awesome job! Yay him! He's really excited about it, and said he loves it already. (He started Monday.)

So it's just been a pretty kick-ass week. Although I'm busy as hell at work, so I'd better get going...

Sick to my stomach.

2006-04-21T07:00:00.000-05:00

So I spent a good portion of my night last night in tears, and they're threatning to start again. I just can't even stand this.

I was informed yesterday by the CM's on my board that I've been 'relieved of my position' as cl. It totally knocked the wind out of me, to be honest. And it's all over something SO stupid and idiotic and juvenile, it's silly. It's a long story, but basically there's been a civil war of sorts on our board since November when a certain group of people branched off into a different board. Well, there have been problems with this since it's inception back in November, and I've pleaded with the CM's to help get this issue straightened out, with minimal results. Well, some of the other board's members came and posted some really nasty things yesterday, and I'd finally had enough and took a stand. That, apparently, was my downfall.

Basically, I named the offending parties, and told them to keep their crap off the board. I asked them to come to me with any problems they had, but to keep it off the board. And, apparently, that violated the Terms of Service I signed upon becoming a cl. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but I have bitten my tongue on that board so many times, my tongue has holes in it. I just couldn't stand the fight breaking out again, as it ALWAYS does.

I am just absolutely sick over this whole deal. Yeah, I hated dealing with all the crap from the 'other' board, but I LOVED my cl job. I LOVE that board and all of the girls there. I would have done anything to protect that board, and apparently my 'mama claws' came out a little too much.

Anyway, I have a second donut waiting for me. If I get to 300 lbs, I'm suing iVillage for making me fat. (I'm totally kidding! Jesus! Don't want that to be taken out of context! Seriously.)

The creamy baby chicken...

2006-04-19T12:27:00.000-05:00

My husband just brought me a Cadbury egg. I love him. Seriously. I'm a Cadbury egg nut - which is why, incidentally, I also love Easter. He found it for $0.25 at Walgreens. I might go buy them out totally. And the best part? The creamy baby chicken part in the middle. They just need to box that goop and sell it by itself.

Next week we're getting baby's pics taken for free at a professional photographer's place. The photographer (in Omaha) is doing some artistic thing with babies, so we'll get some prints for free as well. I wish we could do it next month, 'cause baby will be 6 months in May, but we had to take what we could get. They'll be black and whites wearing only a diaper - I think they'll be great pics. Can't wait to go! (Screw all that 'he'll be a doctor or a lawyer' crap - we'll just make him a baby model and make TONS more money!)

It's frickin' freezing in here today! I spent my morning huddled over a hot chocolate, and I'm about to go buy another one. I don't know what it is about the state, but I think one-armed monkeys could control the temp in here better than some of these yokels.

Brrr!

A moment of silence...

2006-04-18T12:30:00.000-05:00

...thinking of Chad and his family today. He is at his grandfather's funeral, and I'm sure it's hard for him. Please keep his family in your thoughts today.

Monday, Monday...

2006-04-17T11:59:00.000-05:00

I've always hated shopping. It just sucks. Especially when you're not the size you want to be. (Or, incidentally, a size within the same stratosphere as the size you want to be.)

BUT I had the BEST time shopping on Saturday. Know why? 'Cause I was shopping for the kids. And I've now purchased complete (for the most part) Spring/Summer '06 wardrobes for all three.

It's so fun to shop for them - there are so many cute kids clothes out there! You should SEE some of the cute-sy baby girl outfits I found. (Those were the ones that I'd pick up, finger delicately, show mom, go 'awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww', sniff, sigh, and place back on the rack.) My husband has learned quite quickly that if he needs birth control, he makes me get up with Breckin all 4+ times during the night he's been getting up...and if he wants another chance for a little girl, send me shopping for the kids.

It's storm season! We had another round of thunderstorms/tornadoes in the south-eastern part of the state this last weekend. Had we not had baby, we would definitely have headed in that direction. We're thunderstorm freaks. As it is, we rarely get hit with a bad thunderstorm here - we have to chase them down to see the worst of it. And we've definitely had fun doing so the past two springs. I'm going to miss that.

I have a raging alcoholic of an old friend trying to get back in touch with me. I'm debating on whether or not to call her back. If I was at all convinced that things have changed in her life, I'd call her back in a flash, but I'm not. She seems to be the same ol' selfish, negative, dillusional person she always was, and while I was up for babysitting her three years ago, I'm not sure I can put myself in that position again. I realize that makes me sound bad, but I have a family and a new baby to protect at this point, and she was just getting waaaay too irresponsible. I really wish she would clean up...we used to be really good friends. I think she just has a co-dependent nature, though...so if it wasn't alcohol, it'd be something else. It's really too bad. I've heard a million times that you can't help someone that doesn't want help, and it's still hard to listen to.

And so it goes...

Livid.

2006-04-13T13:02:00.000-05:00

Do you know what I hate?

Two-faced people.

Do you know what pisses me off?

People that act all sweet to your face, then talk shit behind your back.

It's just crap when someone doesn't have the balls to say the nasty things they're saying about you to you.

And you know what else I hate?

When people say and do certain things just to provoke a reaction. I mean seriously, grow up. That rarely ever turns out the way you want it to turn out.

In case you can't tell, I'm having an issue. A serious issue. And I'm about ready to just blow and take some people out. I am so sick and tired of people just plain being nasty to me, but not ever saying anything but good things to my face. I mean, what is

wrong with people? How old must one be before one is considered 'grown up'? That's a rhetorical question. Some people are, apparently, never truly grown up.

You know, it's just sad to me that in the crappy state the world is in today, some people go out of their way to be mean, spiteful, and downright negative. I'm not a positive, uppity kind of person. I'm not cheery all the time (god knows). I don't like everyone I meet. Hell, I don't like everyone I know. That doesn't change the fact that I do, in others' lives and my own, try to be positive. I do try to keep the outlook good. I do try to be kind to everyone, even if I don't like them very much. I do try to keep a good heart.

But there are just SOME TIMES....

I honestly don't see why I'm so bothered in the first place. I should have known something of this proportion was going to blow up. I should have known what was coming. I should have known the infamous cycle had been in the good too long. We couldn't possibly be nice for more than 10 minutes at a time.

F'ing people.

Gawd, it's Wednesday already

2006-04-12T07:53:00.000-05:00

They say you have a better chance of getting struck by lightning than winning the lottery.

There was a girl in Omaha last night, that was killed being struck by lightning while playing soccer. 3 other kids were sent to the hospital. Isn't that unreal?

I also have an acquaintance who (at 27) died in his sleep the other night. They think it may have been sleep apnea, but no one really knows.

Craziness.

This weekend is Easter. Next weekend is my wedding anniversary. I can't believe it's been a whole year already. I can tell you one thing, I'm a hell of a lot less stressed out THIS year. I had a perfect wedding day, but I'm so glad all of that's over now.

Don't know what we're doing for our anniversary. We're fo-sho watching our wedding video. And who knows? Maybe we'll get crazy and get our wedding photos ordered. It's sick how long we've procrastinated on that.

Maybe we'll just wait until our 5th anniversary...

Yeah, so it's been awhile.

2006-04-10T11:49:00.000-05:00

I realize I haven't been here in awhile, I really do. But life's been crazy, and I've got all kinds of excuses.

Well, we HAVE A BABY! In case you haven't figured that out. We have a baby who will be 5 months old tomorrow. Gawd...5 months. And he's so fun...'talking' and laughing and rolling over and scooting his butt around in a circle (well, that's just funny.) He's a perfect baby, and incredibly loved.

He was born on 11/11 - surprise considering our family has a thing with numbers and all. And he was 7'15 at birth. In fact, when the nurse put him on my belly, I'm sitting there thinking...'Well where's the rest of him?'

So it's been a whirlwind 5 months, and he's still rarely sleeping through the night, but we're here and I'm sooo-ooo enjoying beer again. I think we even have a 6-pk. of Red Stripe in the fridge, as a matter of fact. It's wonderful. (As a sidenote, when I was in the peak of my 'sooo-ooo enjoying beer' days, being up UNTIL 3-4-5 a.m. wasn't a problem nor an abnormality, so I don't know why I'm bitching about it now...)

I've started a list of what 'Motherhood is...', and will be adding to it as I go along. For starters...

Motherhood Is...

...exhaustion
...forgetfulness
...making a dozen cookies to make up for the forgetfulness
...regarding makeup as a luxury
...decades of the 'same old hairstyle'
...socks/shoes that don't match b/c you're too tired to realize what you're wearing
...snotty noses and scraped knees and batman bandaids
...hiring a sitter so you can sit in a bookstore and listen to what quiet sounds like
...going to bed at 9:30
...spitup stains on every single piece of clothing you own
...an onboard guilt dispenser handy for any time you go 10 seconds without your kids...like to go to a wedding, or to work, or to take a shower
...instant authority displayed in the phrase 'because I'm your mother, that's why...'
...cupcakes with Oreo's hidden in the middle
...making a second batch of Oreo cupcakes 'cause you ate the entire 1st batch while up with baby three times in the middle of the night.

2006-01-17T07:47:00.000-06:00

Little Miracles.

2005-11-07T07:18:00.000-06:00

I received this email from my mother-in-law, and had to post.

A picture began circulating in November. It should be "The Picture of the Year," or perhaps, "Picture of the Decade." It won't be. In fact, unless you obtained a copy of the US paper which published it, you probably would never have seen it. The picture is that of a 21-week-old unborn baby named Samuel Alexander Armas, who is being operated on by surgeon named Joseph Bruner. The baby was diagnosed with spina bifida and would not survive if removed from his mother's womb. Little Samuel's mother, Julie Armas, is an obstetrics nurse in Atlanta. She knew of Dr. Bruner's remarkable surgical procedure. Practicing at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, he performs these special operations while the baby is still in the womb.

During the procedure, the doctor removes the uterus via C-section and makes a small incision to operate on the baby. As Dr. Bruner completed the surgery on Samuel, the little guy reached his tiny, but fully developed hand through the incision and firmly grasped the surgeon's finger. Dr. Bruner was reported as saying that when his finger was grasped, it was the most emotional moment of his life, and that for an instant during the procedure he was just frozen, totally immobile. The photograph captures this amazing event with perfect clarity. The editors titled the picture, "Hand of Hope." The text explaining the picture begins, "The tiny hand of 21-week-old fetus Samuel Alexander Armas emerges from the mother's uterus to grasp the finger of Dr. Joseph Bruner as if thanking the doctor for the gift of life." Little Samuel's mother said they "wept for days" when they saw the picture. She said, "The photo reminds us pregnancy isn't about disability or an illness, it's about a little person" Samuel was born in perfect health, the operation 100 percent successful. Now see the actual picture.

Just an Update.

2005-11-04T08:10:00.000-06:00

I pretend like I can complain, but I really can't. I'm tired. I'm achy. I can't sleep. I can't walk. I have heartburn. Etc. Etc. But really - honestly - I'm just excited that we've come this far and baby's happy and healthy as far as we can tell.

Got an ultrasound on Wednesday to determine fetal weight. Doc said the estimate for right now is about 6 pounds 12 ounces. Crazy. I can not have a 6 pound baby. I will break a 6 pound baby. Seriously.

At least that means I won't be getting induced...

Things, in general, are going well. Baby's moving less and less each day - I'd imagine it's getting pretty cramped in there. We're trying to get the house put together, scrubbed, and organized, so I don't go crazy at the hospital worrying about the hall closet. The kids' rooms just need a bulldozer, there's no way around that. They're a mess! (And we have both kids this weekend, so cleaning them won't really be an option until Monday.)

Mom's coming up tonight to stay the weekend with us, in case I do get lucky and go into labor. That way we don't have to worry about where to take the kids at 3 a.m. (or, rather, my husband doesn't have to worry about a hurting, screaming, leaking, in-labor wife and two six-year-olds...) Seems we're getting everything in place, we're just waiting for baby. And baby's taking it's sweet-ass time, too. (Must get that from uncle Ryan.)

Halloween is over - the kids had a good time. Alec was Batman, Ashley was an angel, and baby was a jack 'o lantern. Actually, mom was wearing an orange sweatshirt that dad decided he needed to decorate. So really - mom's tummy...or baby's house...was a jack 'o lantern. It was cute. We took pictures. =)

Well that's all for now. Had a girl on the board predict that I was going to have baby today, so I'd better get to that whole labor thing... ;) I'll keep ya posted.

Who are you?

2005-10-20T14:31:00.000-05:00

This was a thread posted on my message board. It started out with a woman telling 'who' she was, and then posed the question 'Who are you?' I think it's really an amazing question, and wanted to post my response on here. I hope this prompts everyone to stop and think about 'who' they are, and provides for a little introspection. I think we all need that from time to time.

I AM Kasey. Not cl, not Avinity, not av. But I love 'Avinity' and have always used it as my screen name, so it's weird to say 'Kasey' online. (Now you all know my secret...)

I am the daughter to a man that can never be matched (but am married to a man that's DAMN close...) My father was my rock, my friend, my hero, and I miss him dearly every single day. I held his hand while he passed away on 2-22-02, and there hasn't been a day since that I haven't thought of him.

I am the sister to two of the greatest brothers I could ever ask for. They make me LAUGH, they make me think, they make me want to do better in my own life. I would never have gotten through half of the hard times in my life without them. And I envy their storytelling skills.

I am too much like my mother sometimes - whom I love dearly, but haven't always had the best relationship with. And I'm thankful that our relationship is changing for the better.

I am better for having been a single mother. It was WORK, and there were days when I just wanted out (I hate admitting that because it makes me feel like a bad mom), but I love that little boy more than my own life, and the times we shared together will be with me forever. I do what I can now to support all single moms, 'cause I've been there, and I KNOW what it's like. I think single moms are amazing.

I'm a total friggin' scatterbrain, and forget things as soon as I learn them.

I could use a lesson in patience. I get that from my mother. I'm forever a cynic - but only in my own life. I go out of my way to help others see the bright side of their own lives, but I can't take my own advice. I drive my optimistic husband crazy with my 'glass half empty' approach to life, but it's all a bunch of crap. I'm a closet optimist...I just don't like to show it. I'm scared that if I start looking on the bright side, something terrible will happen. Better to plan for the worst, IMO.

I'm a loyal friend, and one that can always be counted on to make you laugh. I'm a writer - even though I haven't written anything significant in probably a year. I'm sarcastic and have a very dry sense of humor. My friends and family know to never take me too seriously because I'm full of sh*t about 98% of the time. I love to argue, and have a very open mind. I play Devil's Advocate a lot, just to get a fully-rounded view of everything. I love to learn, and if I could spend the rest of my life in college, I would. Instead, I work at the Dept. of Education and help ensure our teacher quality. I think being a teacher is an occupation just below being a mom. I think teachers should be paid more than CEO's and Presidents and Doctors and Lawyers. Without teachers, we wouldn't have CEO's and Presidents and Doctors and Lawyers.

I like to pretend that I'm outgoing, but I'm really pretty shy and reserved. I like to pretend that I don't care and I'm kind of a badass, but I really DO care - A LOT about what people think of me.

I hate that about myself.

I have a husband who drives me crazy a lot of the time. I've learned to let go of my pride with him. I've learned to let myself open up with him. I've learned that it's ok to be vulnerable with him. And I love him more than life, itself. He treats me like a queen, and I admit that I may take that for granted a little too much, but I try to stay grounded and I try to make sure he always knows that my life wouldn't be the same without him. I would do anything in the world for him, and I hurt when he hurts. I don't tell him enough how much he means to me, but he's truly the most important man in my life. He's my rock, my comfort, and my spirit. He's an amazing, amazing man, and I truly feel blessed to have found him.

I love my children to death, but I'm not into Attached Parenting. My children will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, unless there's a special exception (like a big scary thunderstorm). I will allow my children to cry themselves to sleep, although my husband may have to hold me down to do so. I DO spank sometimes, but it's very rare when I have to use that tactic. I haven't spanked Alec in years. I want to breastfeed, and am going to give it a real shot, but I won't hate myself if after 6 months I want to be done with it. I don't believe in using tactics to self-induce, and think that this baby will come out when s/he's damn good and ready. I'm not going to force him/her out just because I'm uncomfortable. I can handle 40 weeks of this. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. I have my own opinions and my own views, and do not want to be flamed or ridiculed for them. In the same vein, I do like to hear others' opinions and views, and respect them as I want others to respect mine. I think everyone is their own person and responsible for their own outcomes - good or bad - and I like to talk about alternatives to my own thinking.

I'm a cl here. And I love it. And threads like this really make my day.

So...'Who' are you?

10 weeks left.

2005-09-08T12:24:00.000-05:00

Baby's gotta be an even 10 lbs. now.

10 weeks left and getting incredibly fat and uncomfortable. Not to mention that a month ago I was measuring big - which basically means my due date is off or I have a big baby on my hands. I'll be anxious to see how I measure next week.

10 weeks left and we have so much to do! We haven't even started on the nursery yet. We spent all Labor Day weekend painting the upstairs, and I'm not even sure I'm in love with the color yet. Such is life. My husband would seriously murder me if I even suggested that the color wasn't right. And I don't blame him - I'm very indecisive - but what I lack is the ability to visualize color like that. And I can't 'see' how something is going to look until it's done. I hate that.

10 weeks left and we haven't bought a thing! Ok I take that back, we've bought a soft little plushy toy that, when you press on its tummy, lights up and plays 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'. No diapers, no onesies, no crib bedding, no carseat, no blankets. Just a toy. (But it was a damn cute toy.)

10 weeks left and I don't think my stomach can stretch any farther! I feel so huge right now, and I can literally feel my skin stretching. It's so uncomfortable, because most of the time I can't get rid of that feeling - the weight in there tugs at me, no matter what position I'm in. And my left hip has taken to being really achy lately.

10 weeks left, and I haven't even made the important decisions yet! Epidural or Natural? Breast or Bottle? Luvs or Pampers? Pacifier or not? And let's not get started on name choices. (Actually, I think I've secretly come up with just a couple that we're going to choose from - and gotten Mike's approval - but the final decision remains up in the air...)

On yet another depressing note - my 'baby' Alec turns 6 tomorrow.

Talk about depressing.

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Memory Lane

2005-08-25T09:01:00.000-05:00

My two best friends are in Colorado Springs together right now, and I would give my right arm to be there with them. Totally bummed today. =(

It's not like I haven't seen them in awhile - we got together for Beeker's wedding in February, and then for our wedding in April. But weddings are different and everyone's stressed out, and there's so much to do and so many people to see that you never really have the time to spend with the people that are so important to you. And I'm missin' those two - BADLY.

You know, when I was 15, all of life's problems and worries could be solved by a fountain Dr. Pepper and a Sunday roadtrip with those two. We'd go all over the damn state in Beeker's little car - stopping when we wanted, but really just having fun and hangin' out. Mondays sucked, but they did anyway. God I wish life were that simple again.

But instead I'm here, doing 'grown up' things - working, getting ready to paint the house, buying school supplies for my almost-6 year old. And sometimes it just sucks. Not that I'm not glad that we're painting or I don't want to get my baby ready to go to school - but sometimes I just don't want to be a grownup for a day and go back to the times where we could roadtrip all day without worrying about wear on the car or gas prices.

Or even to be able to meet up with my two best friends and have a beer. Ah well, that's life.