Mission of Fatherhood

Here's a Great Message

2009-10-20T05:39:00.003-05:00

The Centrality of the Home in the Evangelism and Discipleship of the Next Generation - Voddie Baucham

Take 30 minutes or so to listen to this and you will hear Voddie talk about this mission.

CLICK HERE

Oof.

2009-10-01T20:53:00.004-05:00

This is going to sound a bit like a rant... and it may be... but I must share it as it is the single most important event in my life in a long time.

I have come to a place in my life where I realized things about myself that have caused me to completely put a halt on myself and who I am. Let me explain, a little.

There was a situation this past weekend where it was mentioned to me (by someone very close me to that I love dearly) that I was lacking some integrity. This is not an easy thing to hear. But in this situation, I realized it was absolutely true. Then I began to take assessment of my life and I realized that in almost every area of my life I had issues.

I had no problems being a little dishonest to make a situation better or easier. I had no problems setting my goals based on what I wanted and thinking very little of anyone else. I had no problems putting those things I wanted ahead of God and my family. My priorities are just completely off. Things I had promised my wife that I would come through with, I didn't. Things I promised the kids I would do with/for them, I didn't. Things I promised God I would do, I didn't.

So Saturday night I was awake most of the night sick to my stomach about my life and how I was living it. I prayed so much that night and lamented to God and begged forgiveness.

I have continued to think about what I have done with myself and why. I have considered that I have spent all of my time filling my head with things that do not necessarily glorify God. I put watching movies or sports above God. I put hobbies above God. I put work above God. I put everything above God and everything above family.

I try to pretend to myself (and convinced myself most of the time) that I am a Godly father who is following God's will in my life with my kids. I have been a tourist, a pretender, a faker. And I am heart-sick over it.

I have let my wife and my family down so much and I can never get that back. I can never fix it to be gone. I have had my own desires and my own agenda and my joy was supposedly at the end of the road when I get to where I want doing what I want. That means that anything along the way that got in the way of my agenda and my road, was an obstacle... a nuisance. So when my wife asked me to do something for her and I did it, but with a bad attitude rolling my eyes or with a face of disapproval. All the while thinking I am a good husband because I did it... a lie I told myself. I grumped at my kids because they were obstacles to my desires to do my own things. I neglected to do things that may not be the most fun but would help my wife or my family in lieu of doing what I wanted that was more fun, more entertaining. Basically I found no joy in the journey. In the things that should be the real joy. Things like giving my babies a bath, playing catch with the boys, helping my wife with anything she could need or want me to help with, spending time with anyone in my family. That's where the real joy should be... not at the end of the road but all along the journey. I have been missing the true joy of life that God intended us to have.

This may sound like I am being overly dramatic or maybe too hard on myself... I can assure you I am not. I have been a bad husband, a bad father, a bad person for a while now. I don't rob banks or kill people or hurt people physically or commit violent crimes, etc. But I have been a liar, a faker, a man without integrity, selfish as I could be.

Here's the good part... It is very heavy on my heart. So heavy that I couldn't carry it after it was shown to me. So, after much lamenting and prayer, I decided to give it to God. He can carry it where I can't. I decided to give up everything that was in the way of being the Godly husband, father, man that I needed to be. I have purposed myself to be honest in all things. I have purposed myself to spend my free-time (what very little of that there is) not on watching movies/tv/listening to music but on study of God's word or following through with the things I said I would do. Not that entertainment is all bad but where it falls in the priority list is what decides how bad it is. Since I put those things before God and family, I have decided it needed to be put way back on the back burner until I have more of a grip on my selfishness. I have purposed myself to do what I say I will do. I promised my wife I would not let her teach our high school freshman his Worldviews curriculum alone, that I would be there with her and do it with her, together, and help carry the load. As of Saturday, I am ashamed to say I had not read one single thing or done one little bit. I have started it now and am trying to catch up with them. I have purposed myself to strive for purity in my life. I have purposed myself to speak gently to my children and not be angry and grumpy all the time. I have purposed myself to actually be a help to my wife and do it joyfully.

This is not easy as I have a long time's worth of bad habits to break. But after giving it to God I am absolutely amazed at how this week has gone so far. I am not perfect but God has given me the strength and resolve to keep with this. I have found joy for the first time in my adult life in the little things that don't focus on ME. I am enjoying trying to serve the people around me.

My montra that I keep saying over and over are the fruits of the spirit:

Galatians 5:22-23 (New King James Version)
²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness, self-control...

I have not been bearing good fruit. There are many levels of discussion in that but that is the bottom line.

I have damaged my relationships all around my life with my choices... including my wife. I cannot imagine the disappointment she feels in me as I have let her down in so much. I cannot even ask for forgiveness because I do not feel she has a reason to forgive because I have said I would do better so many times and then don't. My prayer is that, with God's help and strength, the changes in my life and my attitude and my fruit show and eventually I can find favor again.

If you read this and feel the urging... please pray for me in this. I thank you.

It's a Girl

2009-07-29T07:13:00.005-05:00

We had the mid-term sonogram this past week and we are officially going to be the Brady Bunch... it's girl #3. So that's three boys and three girls for those keeping score at home.

Everyone except the two oldest boys was happy about the results... the boys wanted another boy, of course.

A Banner Day

2009-07-02T21:05:00.004-05:00

My 3 year-old son, Henry, has had this fear of pooping for a very long time now. It's not that he was constipated or anything... he just didn't want to poop. He actually would hold it in for a week at a time. We called it the Stinker Shuffle because of the dance he did while trying to hold it in with all his might. During these times he was extremely loud with crying and moaning and sometimes outright screaming. We all hate the Stinker Shuffle around here.

When it happened in public, people would really wonder what in the world those crazy people with all the kids are doing.

A few weeks ago, Henry decided (all at once pretty much) that he was going to pee on the potty and wear big boy underwear. That's how he put it. I gotta say, when the boy decides something, he does it. I honestly don't believe we've had one accident, even at night, since the very first day. Dry underwear every day and morning and after naps. We don't even ask if he has to go... he just does when he needs to. It's been the greatest potty training experience ever because he trained himself. He just decided to do it on his own without us pushing. Maybe that's the key.

BUT... we still have the Stinker Shuffle problem. He might be going on the potty, but the stinkers are still an issue as he still didn't want them to come out. THAT IS UNTIL NOW. Tonight, I was getting him ready for bed and he said he needed to go potty. That is totally normal and part of the schedule. We went in and he asked me not to peek, again his words. I said OK and turned my back and looked at the fishtank and my desk and whatever else was going on around me. After a minute or so I asked if he was done and he said, "Yup." Then he looked up at me and said, "I made my stinkers." I was stunned. I had no response but, "You did?" Well, God bless us all, he did. Not even a peep. I am thinking maybe the switch on his brain flipped tonight and the Stinker Shuffle is like the twist, or the mash potato... a thing of the past.

I can say that I felt very blessed and my wife was expressing the exact same sentiment. In fact, her exact words were, "It's a good day at the Beard's." Amen, Becca, Amen.

Proverbs 16:25 (New King James Version)

2009-06-24T23:44:00.002-05:00

There is a way that seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.

Rededication

2009-06-11T23:52:00.003-05:00

I know, I know... I am maybe not the world's worst blogger as far as getting posts out here, but I am up there the slakerest of them. I am officially going to try to do a post a week. Why you ask? Why take the time out of the insanely busy schedule to post on your blog that maybe three people read and two are my wife and mother (who I am not even sure she reads it, but I guess she'll let me know if she reads this post)? Well, my original thought with this whole thing was that I would write about the struggles and successes and failures of my mission as a father. In doing this I was hoping to maybe understand it and get a clearer picture of my mission and my path within that. It would make me think about what I am doing and hold me accountable for what I say here, in a way. Also, maybe my struggles and triumphs could be inspiration for others on this same path. That's why I am purposing myself to get here and write it down. I even spent a little time and gave this thing a new look. I kind of like it. Anyway, I will see you soon, constant reader. No, really, I will.

Proverbs 16:33 (New King James Version)

2009-05-18T14:24:00.002-05:00

³³ The lot is cast into the lap,
But its every decision is from the LORD.

Pregnant

2009-05-05T07:13:00.002-05:00

My wife is pregnant with #6. At the same time I have a friend at work whose wife is pregnant with their first. We found out at the same time and he (jokingly) said I stole his thunder with my announcement of #6. I told him that #1 carried much more weight in the announcement category than #6 to most people. People just stare at me and I can hear them saying in their heads, "What's wrong with these people?" Then they say out loud, "Don't you know what causes that?" or "How many is that, twenty?" Yeah, I have heard them all. It's funny how most people can't comprehend more than two or three kids in a family. Heh, I used to be one of those who couldn't comprehend it. Remember, I am the guy who would've just gone on without any kids or would've just stopped after one or maybe two when they did come. But I would've missed out on the blessings that I have received from all of my kids. As my wife says the more kids we have, the holier we get. Sanctification through parenting... who knew? :)

Change

2009-02-20T23:59:00.002-06:00

My wife said something to me the other day... Valentines day to be exact. We were just turning off the light and getting settled in to go to sleep and a discussion broke out. I won't go into details but something she said has been on mind ever since. She said that I should not try to live my life to please her or do what she wants from me... But I should live my life to please God and do what He wants from me. It may sound like an obvious thing, but it most definitely feels like a revelation to me. It makes sense, really. Pleasing her will trickle down from pleasing God. It sounds so much like a no-brainer saying it here, but it has really affected me since that night.

Valentines Day

2009-02-17T21:44:00.003-06:00

I have a little tradition on Valentines day that started a couple of years ago. I take pictures of characters in movies or whatever that my kids like and I take their faces and do a little Photoshop magic and make the characters have their faces. This year my three oldest are very much into The Lord of The Rings (they all have the audiobooks on their iPods and listen to them constantly) and my oldest has watched the movies just this year and loves them. So I asked who their favorite characters were and that's who I made them this year. My two year old son prefers Toy Story and Buzz Lightyear, so that was his fun. They tend to look a little strange but they can see themselves in them and it's good fun every year.

Aragorn (Ben)

Legolas (Lydia)

Gandalf (Jack)

Buzz Lightyear (Henry)

Quality Entertainment

2009-01-27T18:55:00.004-06:00

My dad and I used to call movies "Quality Entertainment." It was just kind of a joke we had for whatever reason. I don't remember how it started or even when. When it comes to movies, "quality" is a word that doesn't apply in some cases.

I am a big movie lover. I own a bunch and we rent some and guys at work trade movies to view. Some are good, entertaining... Some are not so much. Some are violent, profane... ah, there's issue. Langauge.

My wife and I have always been very picky about what we let our kids watch. We get the usual comments and looks when people hear that Brother Bear has never been watched at our house. Neither have many other titles, Disney or not. We also pre-watch anything the kids are going to watch. In some cases, the movies are excellent movies with great stories but the only real problem is the language. I am not exactly sure why they feel the need to put so much profanity into movies these days. Maybe that's how they talk, but I don't and most of the people I know don't, either. But my kids have missed out on some fun movies due to language issues with them.

Well... here enters the geek in me. I knew there were companies out there that edited movies for content and sold "clean" copies of them. I kind of checked into it and they do exist and seem to have a limited selection of things. There is also the "ClearPlay" DVD player that edits movies as you watch. It's relatively cheap and the monthly subscription fee is only about $7 I think. It looks to be a very cool deal. BUT, being on the short end of the cash machine right now and being a total geek that loves a good challenge, I decided to try and edit them myself.

This whole thing started with my wife and I saying that our 13 year old son, Ben, would probably enjoy Jurassic Park without being too scared of it now that he is a "big boy." So, I watched it again to make sure it was alright for him and was surprised at the langauge used in it. It's funny how you see things differently when looking through the eyes of your children. There were about 15 places in the movie that had language I considered offensive, minor or otherwise. A few were what I would consider pretty harsh. Well, my kids aren't going to watch that.

At that point I got to wondering if I could edit a movie and how I would go about it. I took Jurassic Park, which I own on DVD, and ripped the video and audio of the movie into files and imported those files into a video editing software. That one sentence does not exactly express the trouble I went through to get this done. I tried several different software packages for video ripping and audio ripping and finally found the ones I liked and tried many ways to get the quality I wanted and finally got the settings for all parts. The actual editing is just a matter of watching through the movie in the editor and marking each place I want to edit in the timeline of the editor. Then I go back to each marked place and take the audio volume down on the center channel for the offensive words. (Note: while editing Apollo 13, I had to edit the front surround channels for some of the words as the voices came through on those channels, too).

After editing it all, I just use a DVD authoring software to put it back onto a DVD. It really sounds like it could be a total pain to do, and I won't say it's easy, but it's not that bad, really. And I enjoy doing it. My wife calls it my new hobby. Maybe, but the kids got to watch Jurassic Park, which scared my 8 and 10 year olds to death. Neither of them made it through. The 13 year old loved it.

After Jurassic Park, I did the next two Jurrasic Park movies, The Lost World and Jurassic Park III. Right now I am working on Apollo 13 and The Incredibles. What's that you say? What could I be editing out of The Incredibles? Ya, I know this is super picky, but that scene where Mr. Incredible and Mirage sit at a table and chit chat with a little harmless flirting. I know, it's a ticky-tack thing to have a problem with but we felt uncomfortable enough when we saw it that it kept us from showing the kids the movie. But I cut it out and now it's watchable.

I am not sure what will hit the editor next, but we'll see when we get there. As a note for anyone wondering about copyright and piracy... I own the actual, real DVDs of all the movies I have edited. And I don't sell the clean copies of the movies to anyone else.

Proverbs 26: 24-26 (NKJV)

2008-11-26T21:27:00.001-06:00

"He who hates, disguises it with his lips,
And lays up deceit within himself;
When he speaks kindly, do not believe him,
For there are seven abominations in his heart;
Though his hatred is covered by deceit,
His wickedness will be revealed before the assembly."

No-Lidders

2008-11-25T22:07:00.003-06:00

This is a short clip they did where I work. I thought this was funny. If you know me, see if you can find me in this clip.

Focus

2008-11-24T20:45:00.003-06:00

One thing I struggle with is being too focused on me. What I mean by that is I am very caught up in my thinking and my actions in me. I think of me, I do things I want or think I need. I get so into me that I get myself depressed when things don't work out like I want. It's really kind of childish. I see the same traits in my children. I scold them for it and then turn around and do the same sort of junk myself only on an "adult" level... whatever that really means. I spend so much time and energy pleasing myself (or trying to, anyway) that my service to those around me, including my God, suffers greatly.

This blog is about what I consider my God-given mission at this point in my life... fatherhood. I can absolutely guarantee that being focused on myself is a sure and absolute way to not be performing up to my full potential as a father. A mission is about service... to God, to others. At least the kind of mission I am talking about here. I cannot possibly serve God or others while trying to make sure I am doing all I want to do. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME. That is a theme that I've tried to remember for the past four years or so that started this entire thing. I am an insignificant part of the greater plan. Not that God can't use me significantly in any way that He chooses... It's that what I am or what I can do or what I want is infinitesimal compared to the greater plan. It's what God can use me for, what He can do through me that is significant.

I believe we were not put here to enjoy things. Not that finding joy in our work or even play is bad. But I believe that there is no promise that we will be happy. There is no promise we will not suffer. In fact, I believe that suffering is sort of a big part of it all. Christ suffered greatly for something He didn't even do... He suffered for us. He died for us. That's torture and death... And I can't even find the strength to think of others during my selfish day.

This stream of consciousness blabbering is not something I've sat and thought about... it's just something I am thinking about. I literally just sat down and started typing. Basically, I struggle with selfishness and I believe that limits my effectiveness as a father, husband, employee, Christian, etc. I also believe it contributes to my inability to find joy in my days. That is something else I struggle with. I want so badly to find joy in the everyday, mundane, God-given tasks... in all that I do. I know it's there. I just have to forget about me and make the focus on those I am serving. I believe that might be a good start. Well, pray for me if you care to. Thanks.

Ambushed On My Birthday... Again

2008-08-28T21:06:00.003-05:00

My birthday, 41, came upon us recently. On my 40th my family ambushed me with water balloons and completely surprised me with it. I thought I was more on my guard this year but they got me with silly string and again, completely surprised me. I can assure you, it won't happen again.

My wife always makes me an angel food cake with chocolate icing, my favorite. She even makes the icing. This year Henry, 2+, helped ice the cake. She said he really did help. It looks like he enjoyed it quite a bit. I wonder what the ratio of how much went on the cake and how much went in Henry is?

My oldest, Ben - 13, made a pinata for the festivities. Paper mache and streamers and the well place fin and eye and we have a fish pinata. He was convinced that it was too weak and we'd break it way too fast. We pounded it pretty hard and it took quite a bit to finally break it. Inside were Rolos (which you cannot roll to your friend any more because they are now tapered at the top and just roll in a circle right back to you... I was wondering if that is some sort of candy-commentary on the state of our greedy, self-centered culture), Twix (mmmm), Snickers, Tootsie-Pops, Starbursts, Jolly Ranchers, M&Ms, and those little party popper things that you pull the string and it pops and shoots a little bit of confetti out of it.

The fish theme carried through out the day as the balloons my kids blew up had fish drawn on them and the phrase, "Have a fishy bday" was written on them. There were various hand-drawn signs hanging around the house that sported the same message and same fish drawings. The cake had little candy fishy things on top, too.

We also went to Fuddruckers for hamburgers at lunch. That's my favorite burger place around here. Between the big, fat burger for lunch, the french toast at breakfast and cake and ice cream along the way... I was stuffed and ready for a nap.

All in all we had a good time and it was a good day. Maybe I'll have another one next year.

Dead And In The Ground

2008-08-20T14:13:00.005-05:00

The company/ministry I work for produces video of several different kinds. One kind is short video illustrations usually meant for supporting sermons or leaders in teaching small (or large) groups. They are anywhere from 30 seconds to a few minutes long and support a subject or point in a dramatic or humorous manner.

I say that to give a little background to the beginning of this story. I had my son, Jack, out at a local cemetery for a video shoot for work. I am not a video producer, I am a web developer but I have several kids of various ages so they come to me occassionally and say they have the need for a specific aged child and ask if they can use one of mine. The kids love it because it makes them feel like a star for a bit and they get to take part in what dad does at work. Anyway, there we were in the cemetery while they had Jack dressed up in a suit from the 1940s staging dramtic slow motion shots for a flashback scene in a clip they were working on. While this was going on I got to looking at the tombstones around the area where I was standing. Obviously this cemetery had been there for a while as there were some old stones there. Some that were very worn and difficult to read. Some that were next to trees where the roots had caused the stone to go crocked.

There was one that was for a three year old child that had died way back in 1906. At the top of the stone it said, "Gone but not forgotten." As I looked at this particular stone and how worn it was and how it was leaning a little and the little marble decorative pieces on the ground in front were not straight as they had been intended to be over 100 years ago, I wondered if there was anyone around who still had interest in this particular grave. The parents would obviously be gone by now. Most likely, any siblings would also be gone. There were no flowers, or any sign of any flowers. I wondered if anyone had come to look at this stone within a decade or more. I looked around and saw many such stones. I was a little sad thinking about the abandoned dead. Then I thought that all that cemetary, headstone, engravings, flowers, american flags on the graves, stuffed animals, figurings and all such stuff is not really for the dead at all. It is for the living. The dead don't care about all that because, well, they are dead.

I am not sure what the point here is.. maybe we feel the need to hang on to something. The memories and pain fade and maybe that bothers us all. That seems wrong to us. So, we try to remember in the cemetary. I don't know... it just made me think a little.

Boy's Games

2008-08-10T23:42:00.006-05:00

Boys love to compete. Whether it is a board game, sporting event, wrestling... whatever can be a competition, boys will do it with all their might. Boys also love things like... guns and battle and playing war. Even grown boys like me.

My oldest son, Ben, got an airsoft pistol awhile back. Just a cheap springer that doesn't shoot very fast or very accurately. He and his buddies run around and shoot each other, competing of course. Well, his birthday came this summer and he wanted a better airsoft gun, and being the "boy" that I am, I was all into trying to make that happen. So I bought him an electric powered, fully-automated MP5 tactical rifle. It's what is called a Mid-level gun. Entry level are the springers that you cock and shoot one plastic BB at a time and mid-level are the next step up in both quality and price. Mid level guns run anywhere from $60 or so up to $200. A high-end gun runs from about $200 up to $1000, which is insane and rare. Most of the high-end are around $300 to $350. After he got his, my birthday was coming up and he wanted me to have one, too, so we could battle each other, I guess. I was kind of having fun with the whole thing so I got one just like his.

This past Saturday I took Ben and Jack, my next youngest son, out to a gathering of boys in a home school association to battle in a field set with barricades and barrels and trees and things to crouch behind and try to eliminate their opponents with a well placed plastic BB shot before being eliminated themselves. Even the dads got out there and involved in the battle. I took turns with Jack, sharing my gun with him, so he could get some battle time. It was hot, being August in Texas usually is, but we all had a pretty good time. There were a wide range of guns and some were the cheap ones and some were very fast and accurate. Those are the guys you wanted on your own team.

Well, now I am hooked, much to the jubilation of Ben who is thouroughly enjoying a common interest with his dad. This group gets together once a month and I am pretty sure we will be there ready for battle.

I love the fact that it is a common interest and we boys can share this and enjoy it together. I am a noob to the airsoft world and have been sort of reading and gathering info online about caring for the guns to keep them in good condition and what guns are good and what are not and the ins and outs of upgrading parts in the guns to make them shoot faster and straighter. There's a whole bunch of people out there completely into this stuff. To the point that they put on full combat gear when they go battle. We're not quite there yet but we are enjoying learning this together and I cherish the boy time with my boys as we can compete and play war and be boys. I hope it will be memories they will have their entire lives and can tell their grandkids about how they used to go out with their dad and shoot each other on the battlefield in the hot Texas summer.

I Hate Wasps

2008-07-26T15:57:00.009-05:00

I've only been stung once in my life by a wasp but it made enough of an impression to create a hatred of the little beasts. That and they are just creepy and evil looking anyway. But I am still the resident defender against bugs here at our house and have killed many a wasp.

Just as a side note here, I have learned that a solution of soapy water sprayed on a wasp or bee will kill it almost instantly without any nasty, toxic chemicals. Something to do with the little creep not being able to breathe through the soapy water since they breathe through pores. I believe that is right.

Anyway, we've had this little wasp's nest sitting on a shelf for months. I don't even remember where it came from but it was knocked down from somewhere and put aside as something to dissect and see what's inside. We are always on the lookout for examples of what they learn in good old science. Well, it has sat and sat and been forgotten for literally months. Finally, my wife was studying natural science with my 8 year old son. When I got home from Lowes after a trip to get some drywall supplies and some mulch for new landscaping stuff, she told me now would be a great time to cut that thing open and see what's inside. She and I had debated a little over if we waited long enough if wasps might hatch out of it. I said "no" and she was thinking it was possible.

None ever did, but upon cutting into it, there were five baby wasps in it that never hatched out. They were very dead and dry but intact. They were fully formed and not in the larval stage but looked like they were ready to hatch. There was also one "tube" of the nest that had no wasp (I am guessing the larva never made it or something like that) but there was a dried up and dead baby caterpillar, which is what the paper wasp puts in for the larva to feed on.

We got the magnifying glass out and took close looks at the eyes and stingers and compared them to pictures in the books. I saw my son applying what he just learned to what he was seeing. It was fun for him to see it up close and it was fun for me to see him having fun with it. I wish we would've had a microscope to really look close. We used to have a little, cheesy one but it has gone the way of broken and forsaken toys.

Anyway, we enjoyed the adventure of it together. Something so simple and I was thinking that the kids will probably remember that little chunk of time for the rest of their lives. They might tell their kids about the time they cut open a wasp's nest with dad to see what was inside and saw dead, baby wasps in there. That's how easy it is to create good times and memories with them, I guess. Sometimes I forget that.

The Nest

Opening the nest

Caterpillar

Wasp

Emerging wasp (nice photo from external unknown source)

Love Brings Discipline

2008-04-07T22:20:00.005-05:00

We have a friend and neighbor who was being baptized this past weekend and invited us to come and celebrate that occasion with her. We had not been to the church she attends before (The Village Church) but I know a few people who attend there and I have a friend that knows their pastor (Matt Chandler) very well and has nothing but good things to say about him. So we loaded up all the kids Saturday night and headed up there.

There were four people being baptized that night and each gave their testimonies, which was really nice to hear, and then Pastor Matt spoke for a bit. He basically ran through some of their core values that they started the church with about four years ago. He ran through them pretty quickly as his time was limited by the baptisms and they were having communion that night, also. But he said something that caught my attention and the more I've thought about it, the more I realize that this one comment may change my entire being forever. He said, "Love brings discipline, but discipline never brings love."

I have come to realize that everything about me that I do not really like, besides all that corruption from a fallen world, can be summed up in that sentence. I focus on doing the right things because I am supposed to instead of doing the right things because I love Jesus. I discipline my children to "force" righteousness on them, so to speak. Do it my way whether you want to or not because I said to do it that way. But I believe that is the wrong approach and will end in failure of a kind. I need to discipline them in a way that is correction in love so that they will WANT to be obedient because they love me and want to please me, and they love God and want to please Him. I have not completely hashed this all out in my head but it has made an impact on me and is working on me.

When I mentioned this to my friend who knows Pastor Matt, he said that Matt would be there in the office (we work in a ministry) the next day and I should tell him this story.

Well, Pastor Matt came and my friend brought him to me and introduced us and told Matt that I had a story. I told it by stating that one sentence he said that night changed the foundation of who I am. He responded with, "Since Saturday?" Well, it's a work in progress. He was very gracious and accessible as far as standing there talking to me, someone he doesn't know at all who happened to attend his church one time to see a friend get baptized. He talked and listened and I appreciated him and his willingness to do so. I've known (and know) pastors of larger congregations that are not accessible at all. I understand that somewhat as they would be suffocated by their (fans) flock if they didn't put the cushion between them and the (fans) flock that they do. But I appreciate a pastor who is accessible and Pastor Matt was. Have I beat that horse enough?

Anyway, it is a work in progress but I am praying for it to be a permanent change in my character and a new direction in thinking for me. I like the idea and want to repeat my thanks to Pastor Matt for sharing it with me. I will try to share my progress/struggles/experiences of this attempted life-change as it goes.

Trip to the Zoo, My Darling

2008-01-22T13:48:00.000-06:00

The kids (oldest four) and I took a trip to the Ft. Worth zoo recently. We left mom and the baby at home to have a much needed restful (and quiet) day. I love the zoo. This was Henry's (21 months) first trip to the zoo so that was fun to watch.

The kids and I enjoyed the orangutans, who always seem to steal the show. They were begging for grapes that someone was throwing to them. They even offered a trade of some little bit of stick or something to the holder of the grapes.

I think Ben (12) enjoyed the big cats as much as anything. The jaguar was up and pacing and he enjoyed see that.

We got to the otter exhibit just in time for feeding and that was a big attraction for them.

The lions could be heard roaring pretty much all throughout the day, except for when we were actually at the lion exhibit at which time they seemed to be sleeping heavily.

Our timing was perfect at the elephant exhibit, too. This was, by far, one of the best pictures I took all day. :) They were eating so they weren't too concerned about showing us that side of themselves.

The gibbons were very playful, as is usual, and the kids stayed there a long time to watch them wrestle and swing and climb.

Last time we went to this particular zoo, which was several years ago, Lydia (now 9) lost me in the reptile house. I totally panic when that happens in a crowd and I was in a praying frenzy as I looked for her that day. This trip we made it two for two when Jack (7) lost me in that same reptile house. I just about wanted to shake the boogers right out of him when I did find him because that praying frenzy takes a year or two off my life every time. He had found this little cave you could climb into near the bat exhibit to show the habitat of bats. I guess he should've told me first, huh? That's what I told him anyway.

When I tried to get a straw for my not quite two year old for his milk at lunch, I was informed by the zoo staff member running the cash register in the lunch stop of our choice that they do not allow straws for the safety of the animals. I am not exactly sure what threat a straw is to the animals but we had to find an alternative. They actually had those little stir-sticks for coffee that are sort of little straws and we just used one of those. Is that not the same threat as a regular straw? Again, I am apparently ignorant of the reasoning there but I am sure there was good reason in there somewhere. I just didn't weather the challenge well at that point in my day as I was trying to wrangle everyone (who all wanted different things for lunch and changed their minds frequently and wanted to go everywhere and touch everything while in line and hang on the rope things that separate the lines like the monkeys we'd just seen recently). I probably didn't have the kind and smooth tones of someone in total control of his situation as I questioned what I would use in place of a straw for my ~2 year old since they would not give me one. Another failed opportunity to show Christ-like character in a tough spot. I wish I could go back and try that one again.

What trip to the zoo would be complete without the stinky garbage can with the bees circling around it?

I am a little disappointed that the Ft. Worth Zoo doesn't have the aquarium with all the big fish in it. Fish are my favorite attraction so I miss them there. I think our next trip will be to the aquarium.

The weather was very nice for it being January, and we all really enjoyed the day. I hope we are building some happy memories for all the kids because I know I am for me.

Another Picture

2007-12-09T23:42:00.002-06:00

My beautiful new baby girl.

Our Newest Blessing

2007-12-07T11:24:00.001-06:00

After a very quick labor and even quicker delivery, our 5th (and 2nd daughter) has arrived at 10:47am December 7th. She weighs in at 8lbs. 14oz. and is not overly happy to be removed from her previous locale. Mom and baby are healthy and things went so very well. We just thank God for the newest blessing and for the perfect delivery for both mom and her.

Baby Day

2007-12-06T23:17:00.001-06:00

I am a total blog slacker. Too much to do and not nearly enough time to do it all.

Case in point... Friday, December 7th, 2007, we are going to the hospital at 5am to deliver our 5th baby and 2nd daughter. As I type this it is 11:20pm the night before that. I have to get up in about 4 hours and I am getting a cold. But we are, right now, making sure we have everything ready to go because at 0-dark-30 we won't be in any mental shape to remember all those little things. I am only popping out this quick little entry because I wanted to make sure the laptop was ready and the brand new digital camera I bought my wife for Christmas (early for the birth) was setup and ready to upload pictures to post and email around to all interested.

Singing Dad

2007-09-02T08:43:00.001-05:00

I enjoyed this video and thought I'd share.

Small Victories

2007-08-02T22:00:00.001-05:00

There is something I have done recently, nothing that was wrong as far as what the actual deed was. I am not going to go into any details at all about what that deed was but it was not something for which I would have to get on my knees and ask forgiveness. At least not the deed itself.

My issue came in the attitude with which I did said deed. I did this harmless deed with malice in my heart against a Christian brother. He would not have ever known that it was done that way. No one would... except God and myself. The deed itself may have been completely harmless, but my attitude about why I did it was not and that is what I have need of forgiveness about.

Well, today I was presented with the exact same circumstances to do this totally harmless deed again... and I didn't. Even though there would be nothing wrong with it (technically), I knew that it would be done with the same malice and I refrained from doing it again.

I praised and thanked God for the small victory. Externally no one would ever know the internal battle over this small, insignificant, silly deed. But I defeated the malice and avoided acting with hatred toward my Christian brother and it was simply because "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13