Guy Fawkes' blog of parliamentary plots, rumours and conspiracy

Who's Laughing Now Quentin?

2008-07-26T07:26:00.000+01:00

Spare a moment once again for Quentin Davies, the man who last year had the sense of judgement to leave the Conservatives for the socialists, simultaneously accusing Dave of "unreliability and an apparent lack of any clear convictions". Praising at the same time Gordon "a leader I have always greatly admired, who I believe is entirely straightforward, and who has a towering record, and a clear vision for the future of our country which I fully share." You share his fate now Quentin...

Emily Keeps Straight Face

2008-07-25T15:38:00.008+01:00

Guido and a few others were just watching BBC News when they repeated the Gordon speech from this morning - job to do, listening, blah, blah, high fuel prices, blah, global economic etc. After it finished Emily Maitlis deadpanned to camera "That was Gordon Brown, getting on with the job". We all burst out laughing.

The state broadcaster keeps repeating the clip of Gordon shaking hands with a line of smiling supporters in Warwick (who are according to a Labour source all party staffers) instructed to get out there in front of the cameras. Very Ceauşescu...

New York Times Mediasaur Downgraded to Junk

2008-07-25T13:53:00.003+01:00

Warren Buffet famously said the internet was good for capitalism, not capitalists. The New York Times is supposedly the world's premier newspaper and is learning the meaning of that truth. The internet will kill newspapers, Guido has been telling sceptical dead tree hacks this for years. The Guardian's expensive shiny new HQ being built in Kings Cross will be a museum eventually. This affirmation has come across the wire

NEW YORK (Standard & Poor's)-- Standard & Poor's Ratings Services today placed its ratings for The New York Times Co., including the 'BBB-' corporate credit rating, on CreditWatch with negative implications.

Just in case some old hacks from the non-profit sector of journalism don't understand what that means, Guido will spell it out slowly - the "Gray Lady" is going to non-investment "junk" status. J - U - N - K. 98 Pulitzer prizes, "All the news that's fit to print" and they are trying to cut costs to survive. Blogalypse.

The Dead Tree Press is a dead industry walking. It is not a twenty first century business model: slaughter half a forest of trees, pay NUJ rates for news gathering, sub-editing, laying out, employing friend's children, transferring ink onto aforesaid trees, then pay people to work all night sending the slices of dead trees around the country in the dark on lorries. Finally when you get to the point of collecting some money, split the sales revenue with the people who take the money. It is laughable.

Last year the Guardian, Independent and Telegraph all lost money, there is a good chance they will repeat the feat again this year. That is not business, that is vanity publishing.

Shocking Pictures : Tory MP Intimately Embracing Nanny

2008-07-25T13:13:00.005+01:00

Rozzer has "slammed" Guido and his conspirators for our caption contest vulgarity in the Romford Recorder. So can co-conspirators show him the respect he deserves in this competition. Will dig out a book prize for the winner...

Co-Conspirators Need to Gloat a Bit More

2008-07-25T11:53:00.006+01:00

Guido has this morning dropped his wallet after filling it up at an ATM, received a congestion charge penalty incurred by Mrs Fawkes, waited to let the cleaner in who didn't show up (nanny is on honeymoon), and lost a few bets on the result last night.

Still smiling though...

Best gloat so far today from Fraser Nelson on Sky:

"When Gordon hits rock bottom he will start drilling"

"It' enough to bring a tear to a glass eye" from co-conspirator Dave Spike in the comments was pretty good.

The Prime Mentalist brushed off and repeated the same speech he gave after Crewe and Nantwich, which he must have written himself. You know the one - job, getting on, listening, global economic turbulence, high oil prices, high food prices etc.

Now is not the time for measured comment, now is the time for mockery and joy throughout the land. The accursed one-eyed, son of the manse is universally despised...

UPDATE : Wallet returned, old lady pensioner called. Guido had to beg her to take a reward. Faith in humanity restored - this is a good day.

Election Losses Blur

2008-07-25T10:06:00.002+01:00

The former Blur drummer has failed to drum up support to become a London councillor.

Dave Rowntree, who is according to reports back from last year's Labour Party conference, perceived as something of a sex god by some Labour ladies, saw a 14.1% per cent swing to the Tories in a Westminster City Council by-election last night. Modern life is rubbish...

An Apology

2008-07-25T07:57:00.006+01:00

Guido would like to apologise for calling "the Brown bottom" and doubting Labour would lose Glasgow East. The SNP won a fantastic 22.5% swing against Labour in what was a rock solid safe seat. Gordon Brown remains in free fall...

John Mason(SNP): 11,277 votes (43%) Majority: 365

Margaret Curran(Labour): 10,912 (41.6%)

Davena Rankin (Conservative): 1,639 (6.3%)

Ian Robertson(Liberal Democrat): 915 (3.5%)

Gordon has no mandate, he is the most hated PM in polling history, dragging Labour to electoral destruction. Gordon goes to Coventry today, he really needs either to go to the country or his own party needs to change leader. Guido knows not a single Labour supporter who wants Brown to remain in charge, plenty of Tories however want Brown to lead Labour to annihilation.

UPDATE : Pundits last night showed their worth again:

+++ Punters Desert Labour - SNP Sources Elated +++

2008-07-25T00:35:00.005+01:00

Glasgow Herald newspaper claiming Labour has conceded.

+++ Glasgow East Too Close Too Call +++ +++ Punters Back SNP Favourite +++

2008-07-25T00:28:00.001+01:00

Betfair punters have just slashed odds on SNP victory...

Obama's Empty 14 Moments?

2008-07-24T23:01:00.007+01:00

Guido has watched his first Obama speech tonight and is not that impressed with the vacuous platitudes in Berlin. It might play well with his domestic liberal media fan club and our own swooning BBC - Guardian - Indy axis of anti-Americanism. He came close to saying sorry for America - would not think that would play well at home in middle-America.

14 times Obama repeated the phrase "this is the moment" -

when our nations − and all nations − must summon that spirit [of the Berlin airlift] anew.

when we must defeat terror and dry up the well of extremism that supports it.

when we must renew our resolve to rout the terrorists who threaten our security in Afghanistan, and the traffickers who sell drugs on your streets.

when we must renew the goal of a world without nuclear weapons.

to begin the work of seeking the peace of a world without nuclear weapons.

when every nation in Europe must have the chance to choose its own tomorrow free from the shadows of yesterday.

when we must build on the wealth that open markets have created, and share its benefits more equitably.

for trade that is free and fair for all.

we must help answer the call for a new dawn in the Middle East.

when the world should support the millions of Iraqis who seek to rebuild their lives, even as we pass responsibility to the Iraqi government and finally bring this war to a close.

when we must come together to save this planet.

to give our children back their future.

to stand as one.

when we must give hope to those left behind in a globalized world.

Using the tried and tested speech negation method simply put "this is not the moment" in front of all 14 of those lines. It is pretty obvious nobody would oppose his speech. It was as empty as a Kinnock speech.

Snobby Guardianista Blogger Thrown Out After Calling Glasgow East Cafe "Greasy Spoon"

2008-07-24T18:35:00.009+01:00

Guardianista Helene Mulholland is live blogging Glasgow East today (yawn), there is one good entry in the otherwise tedious reportage:

12.45pm I'm in a greasy spoon in Shettleston Road. The woman serving chides one of the customers who fesses up to not having voted.

2pm An important note Apologies to Daddyo's (the cafe I mentioned earlier). The owner is very upset to hear that I referred to it as a "greasy spoon" - so much so that he kicked me out!

Wireless connections mean that one can blog and make yourself unwelcome anywhere. Well done Daddyo...

Who Nicked Dave's Bike?

2008-07-24T17:18:00.004+01:00

Dave has had his locked bike nicked.

Guido is currently travelling by bicycle far more. In the past in London the bike would get nicked once or twice a year. Since Guido has put a baby seat on the back the bike thieving has been much reduced. Though some toe-rag nicked a wheel while Guido was in a shop. So Dave, put a child seat on the back and see if that acts as a deterrent.

(Last month Guido did a radio show on the "politics of bicycles" - we cycled around various London sites of political interest and talked about bikes. "So here we are at Buckingham Palace, we don't have a cycling monarchy, do you think that would be a good idea Guido?" Most of the answers where given when Guido was out of breath.)

Charity Commission Attacks Sith for Spinning Report

2008-07-24T13:38:00.008+01:00

According to charity sector specialist magazine Third Sector, Andrew Hind, chief executive of the Charity Commission, has said he is "extremely concerned" that the Smith Institute is misrepresenting the contents of the regulator's report into the think tank.

The commission reprimanded trustees of the think tank this week for failing to protect the charity from claims that it is supporting the Labour Party.

Paul Myners, deputy chair of the institute, responded by saying the commission was asking trustees to ensure that all speakers were politically neutral and that the regulator had "shown a fundamental lack of understanding of the work that all think tanks undertake".

But Hind responded: "We are not saying we expect trustees to guarantee that no party political statements will be made. What we are saying is that if you want to have politicians at your event, as a think tank charity you have to ensure that there is balance.

"The trustees are disputing some of the clauses of the report and are alleging that the Charity Commission is naive and doesn't understand how think tanks operate. But we have had extraordinarily in-depth discussions with them over the past few months."

At the commission's open board meeting in Liverpool yesterday, Hind again defended the report and said it would be "a reference point for the future" for other think tanks.

He said: "Not only are there some important findings about the Smith Institute, but there are also some important points of principle for all charity think tanks."

Dame Suzi Leather, chair of the Charity Commission, said the enquiry had produced "an exemplary report from an independent regulator".

Guido has been pleasantly surprised with the thoroughness of the Charity Commission report - the way the Sith's trustees have tried to spin it has demonstrated their unsuitability to be a charity. Paul Myners really ought to resign.

The Centre for Open Politics has summarised the web of close links to Gordon Brown in a single document to go with this graphic:

click to enlarge

Westmonster R.I.P.

2008-07-24T08:56:00.001+01:00

Westmonster is no more and has gone the way of the now forgotten Honourable Fiend. It won't be missed.

Traffic was small and they were losing money despite the low costs of blog publishing. The owners couldn't make it work and honestly admit that they just couldn't find the talent. Once Sadie Smith* left they did it themselves and then had young, cheap writers - the last of which was dire. They also made the classic mistake of commenting on comment too much and just rounding up other peoples stories instead of getting original news stories. It was a car crash.

*She has her own blog here.

Sub-Standard

2008-07-24T00:01:00.000+01:00

As sent to Times sub-editors:

From : Giles Coren

Chaps,

I am mightily pissed off. I have addressed this to Owen, Amanda and Ben because I don't know who i am supposed to be pissed off with (i'm assuming owen, but i filed to amanda and ben so it's only fair), and also to Tony, who wasn't here - if he had been I'm guessing it wouldn't have happened.

I don't really like people tinkering with my copy for the sake of tinkering. I do not enjoy the suggestion that you have a better ear or eye for how I want my words to read than I do. Owen, we discussed your turning three of my long sentences into six short ones in a single piece, and how that wasn't going to happen anymore, so I'm really hoping it wasn't you that fucked up my review on saturday.

It was the final sentence. Final sentences are very, very important. A piece builds to them, they are the little jingle that the reader takes with him into the weekend.

I wrote: "I can't think of a nicer place to sit this spring over a glass of rosé and watch the boys and girls in the street outside smiling gaily to each other, and wondering where to go for a nosh."
it appeared as: "I can't think of a nicer place to sit this spring over a glass of rosé and watch the boys and girls in the street outside smiling gaily to each other, and wondering where to go for nosh."

There is no length issue. This is someone thinking "I'll just remove this indefinite article because Coren is an illiterate cunt and i know best".

Well, you fucking don't.

This was shit, shit sub-editing for three reasons.

1) 'Nosh', as I'm sure you fluent Yiddish speakers know, is a noun formed from a bastardisation of the German 'naschen'. It is a verb, and can be construed into two distinct nouns. One, 'nosh', means simply 'food'. You have decided that this is what i meant and removed the 'a'. I am insulted enough that you think you have a better ear for English than me. But a better ear for Yiddish? I doubt it. Because the other noun, 'nosh' means "a session of eating" - in this sense you might think of its dual valency as being similar to that of 'scoff'. you can go for a scoff. or you can buy some scoff. the sentence you left me with is shit, and is not what i meant. Why would you change a sentnece aso that it meant something i didn't mean? I don't know, but you risk doing it every time you change something. And the way you avoid this kind of fuck up is by not changing a word of my copy without asking me, okay? it's easy. Not. A. Word. Ever.
2) I will now explain why your error is even more shit than it looks. You see, i was making a joke. I do that sometimes. I have set up the street as "sexually-charged". I have described the shenanigans across the road at G.A.Y.. I have used the word 'gaily' as a gentle nudge. And "looking for a nosh" has a secondary meaning of looking for a blowjob. Not specifically gay, for this is soho, and there are plenty of girls there who take money for noshing boys. "looking for nosh" does not have that ambiguity. the joke is gone. I only wrote that sodding paragraph to make that joke. And you've fucking stripped it out like a pissed Irish plasterer restoring a renaissance fresco and thinking jesus looks shit with a bear so plastering over it. You might as well have removed the whole paragraph. I mean, fucking christ, don't you read the copy?
3) And worst of all. Dumbest, deafest, shittest of all, you have removed the unstressed 'a' so that the stress that should have fallen on "nosh" is lost, and my piece ends on an unstressed syllable. When you're winding up a piece of prose, metre is crucial. Can't you hear? Can't you hear that it is wrong? It's not fucking rocket science. It's fucking pre-GCSE scansion. I have written 350 restaurant reviews for The Times and i have never ended on an unstressed syllable. Fuck. fuck, fuck, fuck.

I am sorry if this looks petty (last time i mailed a Times sub about the change of a single word i got in all sorts of trouble) but i care deeply about my work and i hate to have it fucked up by shit subbing.

New Statesman Owner Buys LabourHome

2008-07-23T17:03:00.013+01:00

Guido has been hearing rumours that LabourHome was "in play" and that two bidders were after the site. Tom Miller's Newer Labour has the exclusive confirming that LabourHome has been bought by Mike Danson, the new owner of the New Statesman.

Newer Labour reports that it went for a "high five figure sum... with some of the existing editors, like Alex Hilton, one of the foremost Labour bloggers and co-founder, Jag Singh, staying on board." PoliticsHome had also shown an interest in bringing the site into the "home" network - Freddie Sayers had been in negotiations with the site but got gazumped.

Guido called Alex Hilton, LabourHome's chief commissar, to commiserate with him for not getting a six-figure valuation. (Guardian Media Group just bought PaidContent for $30 million, the Gawker group of blogs is valued at over $100 million.) Alex would only say "We are very pleased to have the support of the New Statesman" from his yacht in the Caribbean.

Guido reckons that if the valuations being achieved in the U.S. were reflected here, the leading blogs would be worth seven figure sums. Mrs Fawkes has become noticeably less intolerant of Guido's blogging of late...

Vote to See Sky's Miranda Semi-Naked

2008-07-23T12:16:00.004+01:00

Iain is doing his annual blog guide, compiling a list of the top 100 political blogs in the UK.

Miranda from the Boulton & Co. blog is canvassing for votes with the promise that if they get into the top 10 there will be "semi-naked photos of all our political correspondents made available on the blog."

So if you want to see Miranda, Adam Boulton, Jon Craig, Cheryl Smith and Niall Paterson semi-naked vote for Boulton & Co in your list of top 10 favourite political blogs.

Email your top 10 list to toptenblogs@totalpolitics.com

How Will MPs Cope With 76 Days of Unsubsidised Booze?

2008-07-22T12:50:00.004+01:00

As they slip off this afternoon to face a tough 12-weeks holiday in the real world without subsidised drink, Guido wonders how will MPs cope?

The House of Commons Refreshment Department operated on a subsidy of £5.5 million of taxpayers’ money in the 2007/08 financial year, which is equivalent to the total annual tax receipts from 35 pubs. The subsidy is equivalent to £8,500 per MP - that is approximately £50 per diem on top of the £30 per diem they voted to award themselves every working day in cash.

The subsidy, which for some inexplicable reason was not published in the House of Commons’ Annual Accounts, was £693,000 higher than in 2006/07 - a 15% increase. No belt tightening for MPs despite the Chancellor's warnings.

It accounted for 43% of the operating costs, meaning that the taxpayer coughs up £4.30 for every £10 spent refreshing our politicians: even before they claim back their outgoings without receipts through the expenses system. These figures don't include the multi-million pound re-fit of the wine cellar.
MPs are members of the best London club with a dozen bars on the parliamentary estate, plenty of dining rooms, brasseries and banqueting suites all operating without a licence and no restrictions on hours - you can even smoke in some.

A pint in the Stranger’s Bar costs £2.10, outside parliament in the West End you pay £3.50 to £4.00. An 8-year-old Scotch costs £1.35, while our politicians can enjoy a Pimm’s on the pleasant Thames-side terrace for just £1.65 - which is a third to a half of prices a mile down the road. Do you really think they need to pay politicians more to attract people?

*Not including all the additional expense claims for essential new kitchens, appliances, window cleaning, garden pergolas, plasma TVs....

[Incidentally to all PRs who send Guido press releases - the AMLR press release was the best Guido has seen in years. Clever, on a relevant subject, well aimed and timed.]

Shanghai Surprise Just Chinese Takeaway

2008-07-22T08:30:00.007+01:00

The spin from Downing Street is that an unnamed aide was the "victim of honeytrap operation by Chinese agents." The incident occurred in Shanghai on the second day of the China tour. That night a crowd of Downing Street staffers and Lobby hacks went to a packed hotel disco, Michael Jacobs was approached by an attractive Chinese woman. The couple fooled around on the dance-floor and later disappeared together back to his hotel room to further Anglo-Sino relations.

Anyone who has spent time in Asia will laugh at the honey-trap-spy media spin, far more likely that it was just a good time girl who pinched his Blackberry and wallet. Why on earth would Chinese intelligence agents care what Michael Jacobs, the right-on former secretary-general of the Fabians, hero of Hampstead, fully paid-up Guardianista and now Gordon's environmental adviser, had on his Blackberry? Laughable.

Why are the newspapers being so coy about reporting the name? After all, Guido understands that the political editors of the Sun (George Pascoe-Watson), Mail (Ben Brogan) and Telegraph (Andrew Porter) were at the same disco. "What goes on tour, stays on tour", eh boys?

Right's Think Tanks Enjoying Revival

2008-07-22T00:03:00.002+01:00

Propeller-Head Wonk Watch: James Purnell's "workfare" proposals are being warmly welcomed by Chris Grayling his Tory welfare shadow. “Much of today’s package is a straight lift from our Green Paper in January... Because these are Conservative proposals we will support them. We will help him get them through this House."

The Government's Green Paper may be lifted from the Tory Green Paper from January which itself bears a remarkable similarity to the Adam Smith Institute report from November 2007 - "Working Welfare". The ideas in that were were first expounded by the former MP for North Norfolk, Sir Ralph Howell. A resolute free-marketeer, Howell was the author of the ASI report "Why Work?" in the mid-1990s. The ASI's Madsen Pirie says "this idea has taken longer than we would have wanted to become government policy". The ideas were theoretical at that time in the 1990s before they were implemented in Wisconsin.

Michael Gove's advocacy of the Swedish model of "free schools" may owe a little to another recent ASI report - Open Access for UK Schools: What Britain can learn from Swedish Education Reform. Over at the new look Centre for Policy Studies things are getting more lively after a quiet period, Policy Exchange is becoming something of a powerhouse (incidentally, it was cleared by the Charity Commission of tit-for-tat allegations of partisanship).

Alas only the venerable Institute of Economic Affairs has yet to join the renaissance of right-of-centre think tanks in Westminster's wonkland...

Will He Make Another Illegal Donation?

2008-07-21T20:24:00.008+01:00

As Barack heads to Europe the Washington Post asked yesterday of Obama, “Surely a man who has said he would talk with U.S. adversaries such as Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad can spend a few moments with journalists from friendlier countries.” After all, McCain spares a moment for foreign press questions - probably because he is comfortable with foreign affairs issues.

Hold on a second, which sleazy lobbyist currently under police investigation was spinning to the local Welsh press that he was in charge of foreign media relations for Obama's campaign?

Steve Morgan will hopefully do for Barack Obama what he did for Peter Hain.

+++ Policy Exchange Boss Joins Team Boris +++

2008-07-21T20:11:00.003+01:00

So what is arguably currently the top job in wonkland is now up for grabs...

Via CoffeeHouse

Waning Warm-Up Act

2008-07-21T15:25:00.004+01:00

Despite having promised Palestinians mortgages (Eastern Rock?) he is not getting much coverage in Israel. The coverage he is getting is not exactly warm:

Brown's arrival is also in the shadow of the recent visit by French President Nicolas Sarkozy. Sarah Brown may be a founding partner in a public relations firm and a supporter of charities, but she's no Carla Bruni.

But that isn't the only reason for the lack of coverage of Brown's visit. Former U.K. prime ministers Margaret Thatcher and Tony Blair were considered great statesmen but while Brown may hold the same title, he lacks their political clout.

A member of Brown's entourage says his weakness on the international stage stems from troubles at home. Last month Brown celebrated his first year in office after taking over from Blair.

For a decade, he was Chancellor of the Exchequer, presiding over a period of prosperity for Britain. But when his time finally came to take charge, the New Labour magic disappeared and widely became known as an irascible but tired figure.

Poor Gordon, pitied in the promised land...

Hat-tip : Croydonian

Gordon's Undeclared Donations During the Long Campaign

2008-07-21T13:45:00.008+01:00

Last week's Charity Commission report ruled the Smith Institute was in breach of the laws on political impartiality. Paul Myners whines that the Charity Commission "have shown a fundamental lack of understanding of the work that all think tanks undertake."* It is Myners and his fellow trustees who have clearly shown a fundamental disregard or lack of understanding for Charity law. A "think tank" is not a legally defined entity, legally the Smith Institute is a registered charity. Other think tanks, such as the similarly named but rather more illustrious Adam Smith Institute think tank, do not seek charitable status. Partisan think tanks should not be able to abuse the tax exemptions available to charities, because charities can reclaim taxes on donations they are legally obliged not to stray in partisan politics.

In the years leading up to Brown seizing the premiership the Smith Institute was functioning as his political secretariat. Whenever he needed something done outside the party structures, the Smith Institute was used. Photo-opportunity with Al Gore needed? Get the Smith Institute to invite him. Want to get the line out to Toynbee and the media fan base? Have the Smith Institute invite them. Want private polling advice? Get Deborah Mattinson to do it for the Institute (didn't she do well as a result). Gordon wants expensive strategic advice from Bob Shrum? Put Bob on the payroll and slush the money through the Smith Institute...

Herein lies a very difficult problem for Gordon Brown - the Charity Commission has found that the Institute's Senior Research Fellow, the expensive pollster and strategist Bob Shrum, was unsupervised. The Inquiry could only identify him leading two events in 2006, both of which did not further the Institute’s charitable purpose. So what was he doing for his money between September 2005 - April 2007? He was advising Gordon Brown on strategy and tactics. This service was undeclared to the Electoral Commission and is a breach of Section 50 (2) (f) of the Political Parties, Elections and Referendums Act 2000. Following the publication of the Charity Commission report a formal complaint has been put in to the Electoral Commission. Although he has so far refused to respond to questions from the Charity Commission about the Smith Institute, this is not yet over for Gordon Brown. He may have thought the issue closed, but it has opened up a new front.

See also : Flashback : The Smith Institute Exposé

*Faithfully reported, without critical comment, in the Guardian. Paul Myners is also the chairman of the Guardian Media Group.

Dave's Euroscepticism

2008-07-21T11:57:00.005+01:00

If Dave's commitment to fight the Lisbon treaty as outlined on Marr is true, UKIP should shut up shop and return to the fold. The problem is Dave has broken his only firm promise made during his leadership election. He promised to take the Tories out of the federalist EPP grouping and form an international grouping which respected national interests ~~"by Christmas"~~ "in weeks not months". Nothing achieved years later...

Guido cynically wonders if this issue might be like fox hunting was for Blair. Blair didn't really care about it, but the rank and file really, really did. Every now and then when the grassroots got restless he'd find time for a fox hunting debate. Dave can cheer up the Tory grassroots by talking tough on Brussels...