They call me T

random stuff

2009-11-12T12:23:00.002-05:00

Lots of things going on lately...

Saturday night I went to the Celtic woman concert with Nicks mom and dad...omg, it was so freaking AMAZING!!!!!! I have never seen a concert that was so good. So full of energy, and such beautiful voices! The woman that plays the violin was so energetic..she ran and jumped around the stage while playing the whole time...I was in Awe for sure! check them out! http://www.celticwoman.com/

nick took the boys bowling while i was at the concert. they had a great time. they are still talking about it today..I cant wait till i can go and watch them bowl. i miss them being on a league. i enjoyed watching them.

Nick went to a Metallica concert Monday night. He yelled and screamed so much that he lost his voice. tuesday it was just gone, a little scratchy, then yesterday it really hurt him..he was miserable. He missed class last night :( Today seemed a bit better, but he still mostly has to whisper. its a little funny, but i feel bad that it hurts him. He had a good time though. i would like to have gone, but i dont think the loud stuff would agree with me for too long. it never has . not even when i was younger.

This week has gone by pretty fast. the boys are loving boy scouts. Michael didnt join, but the others are really enjoying it. they get excited every Monday, and i think its so good for them to be in it. i remember being in girl scouts, i loved it so much. I am hoping they can do the camping this summer. we will see.

dominic has been sick all week long. It started monday night with a cough. it seemed like just a cold because there was no fever, so he stayed home tuesday and wednesday. then today i was gonna send him to school, and he started crying and saying his chest hurt. i called to doctor, and they got him in this morning. He has bronchitis, and really bad winter allergies. so right now he is on 3 different medications..one for allergies that he will be taking for the next 4 months. i have to keep the house free of fur and dust..which will be difficult with the animals, but its for the best..lol...

this Saturday we are gonna have a date night. Dinner at outback (one of my favorite places). Not sure if we are doing anything else. they have the Holiday parade in kalamazoo, but i dont know what time that is set for. if its early im not sure if i want to get up for it..lol then sunday dinner with Nicks family. always love that!

On the 21st i have my first appointment for wedding dress alterations. i am pretty excited about it. it brings us one step closer to the wedding. the closer it gets, the more i cant wait for it! i get to marry my best friend. a man who loves me for who i already am, not who he thinks he can make me into.

the twins are learning how to read...and they are picking up on it so fast..i am so very proud of them. steven can sound things out really well, and dominic is doing small words. reading has been such a struggle for logan, and michael just gets bored with it. steven thinks its pretty cool that all those letters mean something..lol he reads signs, and all that stuff when we are out and about!

Veterans Day

2009-11-11T20:05:00.002-05:00

Happy Veterans Day to all those past, and current military...I am so proud of all of you..Thank you for keeping us safe. Thank you for putting your lives on the line to protect us. And thank you Military families for being the ones left behind when they head off to serve..I am praying for you all today..

i am especially proud of my veteran :) he is my own personal hero. i love you Nick

lunch date!

2009-11-05T08:36:00.002-05:00

It is so good to be able to say "i have a lunch date with Nick"...I waited so long for life to be like that. to have him home, and not have to say the long goodbyes anymore. he has been home since spring, and already sometimes i forget to appreciate it. I am sorry for that. life sometimes gets in the way, and we get so busy. but i promise to remember every day that my man came home, safe. I have this chance to be with him. we are not thousands of miles away anymore. we can go on a date if we want, or sit and snuggle on the couch. we can lay with each other every night, no more hugging a pillow instead. Now that i have him home, i often forget what it took to get here. the internet dates, the long hours on the phone, the worrying and wondering. I will NEVER forget what it feels like to have him deployed. It sucked. but here we are, where we belong. as a family. i will be eternally greatful for this time, and i will make a point not to take it for granted.

It makes my heart so happy to know that i get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. I wish everyone could be so lucky!

So, im off to get ready for my lunch date with my man!!!! a first for us...i love life :)

Halloween and other things

2009-11-04T11:31:00.003-05:00

Last weekend was great...Out party was a success...Lots of people showed up...I drank way too much...Something I havent done in a very long time...I recovered quickly thank goodness...I dont have any pictures of me in my costume, im kinda disappointed...this is the first time i had dressed up since i was a teenager...Our decorations turned out great too...people loved them...Nicks costume was the best

It is definitely fall now...all the leaves around here are off the trees...everything looks so bare...And its getting pretty chilly...I dont mind though...i hate being hot...i like the summer months for all the sunshine, but i just cant ever be outside for long periods of time without feeling sick...

I had an interview last week for a leasing agent, but i havent heard back yet...i am getting so frustrated, and pretty deflated...I need a job, i want a job...I like to work, and im tired of feeling like im not doing anything to contribute :( I dont like feeling this way..im still plugging away at job hunting...I check every site i possibly can most days...and anything i might be slightly qualified for i send out a resume...someone has to hire me right?

Nick is in his 2nd week of his job...he seems to like it ok...not his dream job of course, but he can get that when he graduates most likely...School seems to be going ok for him too...he is getting pretty worn out, but he is doing well with it...

I have an appointment for Logan to see the neurologist...they set it for February...kinda rediculous for it to be so far away...he needs help now...he needs to be able to do well in school...most of the year will be over by the time they find out whats going on with him...i explained the situation, but it didnt seem to matter at all...

Is it Friday yet?

2009-10-28T13:46:00.002-04:00

this week is kind of creeping by. im trying to stay busy, but for some reason im still exhausted from being sick. I guess its just hanging on :(

Nick started his new job Monday. he seems to like it ok. its tiring him pretty bad. he isnt use to being on a schedule. i wake he does, so im waking about an hour earlier then im use to also. no biggie really. this morning i got up and read for a bit before i woke the kids. it felt nice to do that. it is really strange not having him here during the day. Mondays and tuesdays arent so bad. but the rest of the week he is gone from 7am, till 11pm or so..this will be the first day like that for us. not too bad i dont think, but strange, and different..

The boys had no school last Friday because of the flu going around. they were well, so they were glad to have a 3 day weekend. Saturday we woke up to Nick having a flat tire. his brother Al came to help fix it. The lugnuts stripped so that he couldnt get them off without power tools..Then we went to Barns and nobles for a bit, and sams club, then pizza hut...it was a good day.

sunday we went to nicks parents house for our weekly sunday dinner. Its always nice being there. i wish my mom and i would get together more often. It is frustrating that she dosnt seem to have the time.

I had an interview as a leasing agent on monday. im not sure how it went. the lady was really nice. and she seemed to like me, but im not sure if she liked my resume, or my answers. she talked and asked alot of questions, then said she had a few more interviews to do, then she would start the process of picking. I hope i hear back from her...it sounds perfect. part time, and the kids would only need a babysitter for a couple hours a week.

the sun is trying to shine today. i am loving it. its about time. there has been alot of rain, which i dont mind, but i was ready for sun too. im gonna take advantage of it, and do some walking.

Saturday is our halloween party! im pretty excited about it. ive never had a custume party before, even when i was younger i dont remember having one. the kids will be with their dad this weekend. im not sure if i get to go trick or treating with them, or if he is taking them out of town to do it. either way, i know they will have fun.

a few updates

2009-10-22T19:07:00.003-04:00

Logan seen the doctor last Friday. Seems the doctor is worried too, so they are gonna contact the Neurologist in Kalamazoo again and set up an appointment for him. They dont really know what is wrong with him. So we start the process again. I am anxious to find out what is going on.

Last weekend as Al and Cyndi's wedding. It was an amazing night to witness! The men looked so handsome, and Cyndi looked amazing! They are a beautiful couple, and this picture says it all!
Dominic is sick, and now im getting it too. Headache, stomach cramps, body aches, sore throat and fever. I took him to the doctor today, and they tested him for H1N1, and strep. Both tests came back negative, thank goodness. But the doctor also said its not 100%, so now i have to keep him somewhat isolated. I havent felt this bad in about 2 years. Mostly I am just tired. I hope it dosnt last too long. I have a family to take care of.

Nick got a job. I am so happy for him. He seems to be pretty excited about it. I think he will like it. At least i hope he will. I am still searching. I havent given up hope yet.

My mom is looking to move out of state again. I didnt figure she would stay here long, im surprised it was this long. She dosnt really like Michigan. I hope she finds the type of place she is looking for. a place to be happy.

Gene the Pumpkin Man

2009-10-09T20:35:00.003-04:00

Today we went to get our pumpkins...growing up my mom almost always took me to gene the pumpkin man, and i loved that place...Through the years since i became a mom i often took my boys there also...We had a great time...The experience was great...Gene is great with kids, and he talked to us for a good amount of time...You always leave there feeling as if you might be a part of their family...Thank you Gene and family for giving us such great memories...

It makes me excited for next year...Thank you for showing my family such kindness today...

i am so glad for these memories...Ive always been grateful for them, having Nick home makes them even better :)

conferences and stuff

2009-10-08T21:45:00.002-04:00

We had the boys conferences today. Dominics was great. I really like his teacher. She said he is doing really well. She said he is above average in reading and math. There are some speech issues, but she isnt concerned enough to suggest speech therapy. She said he is really helpful in class.

Steven had a good review. He is doing well with his homework. She loves having him in her class. He is always willing to learn. He needs some help writing his numbers. The goal is to write numbers up to 100 by the end of the year. To be able to recognize and write them. He is in speech therepy and doing well. He has a hard time pronouncing certain sounds. He dosnt read well, but is improving.

Logan...I dont know what to say. The kid cant seem to catch much of a break. He had a seizure almost 2 years ago, and since then things with him just havent been right. He was learning at a decent pace, and now he isnt. You teach him something, and he forgets by the next day. His handwriting is really bad, and he often spells his name wrong. Mentally he is declining. Within the last 2 years his writing and reading abilities have gone back to as if he were a 1st grader. I am calling tomorrow to make him an appointment with his regular doctor, to see if I can schedule him for a referral to a specialist of some kind. I am scared that there is something very seriously wrong with him. His dad tried to make me feel like I was over-reacting, so I started to believe that. now i feel like that was a huge mistake. I feel like i let him down. I am scared for him. I see lots more testing in the future.

Michael is doing as he should. His teachers just love him. He is a joy to have in class, and is always polite. He follows all the rules, and does what he is told to the best of his abilities. They have cut back on his work load a bit because he was getting overwhelmed. He is on a credit/no credit status instead of grading. That is the way special ed works. I think it works out well for him. He has been great this year about bringing home his homework. I am really proud of him for getting as far as he has. I remember how hard it was for him at first. He is such a light in this life.

Nick got 100% on his first test..just had to throw that in there!

Tomorrow we are going to the pumpkin place tomorrow to pick out pumpkins, and have some fun. Saturday we have Logans football game, then coming home to carve our pumpkins, make pizza, and maybe some rootbeer floats or something. Then sunday its off to dinner at Nick's parents.

I signed the boys up for cub scouts on Monday. They will go to meetings every monday night. They are pretty excited. Michael didnt want to join. Logan can start going to the meetings after he is done with football is over for the season.

Al and Cyndi's wedding is only a little over a week away. i am so excited for them!

A personal blog..(reflections of me)

2009-10-05T13:23:00.002-04:00

its been a while since i wrote a really personal blog..Ive done venting, bragging, wedding stuff, and updates...but once in a while i feel the need to really throw myself out there..

There are times when i feel so left behind and jealous...and times i feel like i have really failed at things...Im getting better at understanding we cant change our past...its just not possible...But if i had stuck with school i would have a really good job, a decent car, and a life outside of my home...I envy those in school, people who are sticking with it...i am often mad at myself for being bullied into stopping my education...being made to feel that it just wasn't as important as the things others wanted in life...I realize now that just because it wasn't important to them, didnt mean it couldn't be important to me..I want so badly to go back to school...but in order to do that, my default loans have to be paid off...but to do that i need a job, to get a job i need a flexible schedule, and an education...see my dilemma here? my loans are huge, but big enough that i cant even make a dent in them...while others are moving on, im still living with the mistakes i made 10 years ago by not following my instincts to go further with school...and here i sit, not knowing how to make it right...how to turn it around...

i feel like a failure...i need a job so bad...i feel like im failing my children by not being able to get one...its such a frustration...i have a vehicle now...but between mine and Nicks schedule, its just been impossible...they want me to have open availability...and i just cant do that...and no place i apply to is willing to work with my schedule...there are others out there that can do what they want...i have gotten so many replies to my resume's telling me im overqualified...whats that about? im beginning to think its just a nice way for them to say im not what they need...and that just sucks...

I want to feel like i am contributing...financially...i want to be looked at as a strong independant woman...one that doesn't need so much help...i want that education i always thought i would have..

I am proud of myself though...i think ive done a damn good job with these boys...in the last 4 years i have turned their attitudes around 100%...and when face to face with the woman my ex husband left me for, i smiled instead of beating the crap out of her like i wanted to...I have made a life...I am stronger, and more pushy for the things i believe in then i ever was...I am confident in areas that lacked for a very long time...

I am happy in love...more secure in it then i ever thought possible...and, IM GETTING MARRIED TO MY BESTEST FRIEND...

i try very hard not to get frustrated with my failings, but sometimes its hard...i want to be someone who makes a difference in the future of our world...i want to be someone that people can look up to...

sorry for the typos...i dont feel like changing them :)

just blogging

2009-09-30T18:42:00.002-04:00

Nick and I are both sick. The kids are passing it around too. I didnt get hardly any sleep last night. dominic kept waking up crying because he just didnt feel good. But when he woke up this morning, he was fine. He went to school. Lots of people are getting sick right now. I hope it dosnt last too long. I dont want to be sick most of the winter.

The fall season has definitely gotten here. It is chilly. I dont mind it except the cold air is making me cough. I love this time of year. I cant wait to see the leaves change. And i am excited to use my camera to catch the colors this year!!! im having way too much fun with it already!

I am also excited because we are getting closer to the holidays. this will be the first time Nick and I get to spend them all together. That is such a wonderful feeling. No Hawaii, no Iraq! Just us as a family. It will make these upcoming holidays even better. No goodbyes so close to Christmas!

Logan is suppose to be at football practice tonight. But with me being sick, and some of the others being sick, i just cant walk there to take him. I had borrowed a van, but the battery keeps dying, so right now I am stuck without a vehicle again. I feel bad for him having to miss practice. I feel like I am letting him down.

So there is a job opening at Subway. I want to apply, but i keep telling myself not to. I want a job, and im willing to take just about anything. Bt im not sure i could do that one. its not that i dont think i would like it. But i just dont know. i guess maybe pride is stopping me a little. I am still putting in 2-4 resumes a day. I have gotten alot of denials. It is very frustrating. i know the right one has to come along soon. It just has to.

So this last week was pretty scary. My grandma went in on Wednesday to have her surgery for her cancer. She came through it ok, or so we thought. About 1am Wednesday morning her bloodpressure started to drop, and they couldnt keep it up. She ended up having 2 blood transfusions, and that didnt help. they transfered her to the ICU for a couple of days. Finally it started to steady. i was pretty scared for a couple of days. I dont know how i would handle her passing. She has always been my 2nd parent. It wouldnt be like losing a grandparent, it would be more like losing a dad or something. she is home now, and healing. I just hope it stays that way.

Nick has his first test tonight at ITT Tech. I think he will do great on it. I am so proud of him.

I have all the boys Halloween costumes...we took them to pick them out on Saturday. It is all they can talk about now..lol...they are excited already. We are having a Halloween party this year. Its a costume party. it will be fun

2009-09-25T21:08:00.002-04:00

My grandma had her surgery yesterday...the surgery went well...they got most of the tumors, and the rest they are confident the chemo will take care of...she was suppose to go home today, but is too anemic so she ended up having a blood transfusion...so hopefully tomorrow she will be able to go home...

Logan has another game tomorrow morning in South Haven...he is pretty excited about it..I am too...i am really proud of him for sticking with it...the amount of homework he has lately is insane! it takes him all night to do it...sometimes it feels like he has no play time lately..

the other boys are doing good...Michael hardly ever has homework...dominic has some once in a while...steven once a week...

Nick has been getting most of his work done during lab time at school...

tomorow we are gonna go looking at halloween stuff...we are having a party this year...my first halloween party! i have part of my costume already...it will be the first time i dressed up since i was a teen...we are gonna look at costumes for the kids too...not sure what else we are doing..

i didnt really have much to say i guess...i thought there was more

emotional mess

2009-09-21T13:07:00.002-04:00

I dont know why, but i am an emotional mess today...its probably a good thing Nick is with his dad for the day...i feel like there is so much going on right now, and maybe i just needed a day to let it all out...i feel like ive cried all day :(

a friend of mine told me its the time of year, and i think i have to agree..but today is just bad...

My grandma has surgery for her cancer on Thursday...im trying very hard to be ok with it, but i guess im not as ok with it as i thought...every once in a while that hard shell of an exterior i have put up gets little cracks in it, and it all comes out...i dont have a good feeling about this surgery...i dont know why, i just dont..So Thursday i will be spending the day at the hospital with my mom...i want to make sure i get to see her when she come out of it..i have to see with my own eyes that she is ok...

i feel like i have recently been deceived...not by Nick, but by someone else...it doesn't make sense to me, but whatever...there is nothing i can do about it but be nice...if i don't, i will come out looking like an insecure nag...so, i will keep my mouth shut till it just fades away...im use to that...no one else sees anything wrong with it, so why should i right?

trust is a huge issue for me at this point in my life....but i have valid reasons...nothing i will get into on here, because its really nobody's business but my own, and whoever i chose to confide in...but it is valid, and i dont really care if anyone else agrees with me...especially when it comes to a mans point of view...they normally stick together on that subject..why cant people just be honest...it would save a whole lot of trouble in the end...i would rather know the truth in the beginning then find out a lie later, and feel as though i have been hurt twice as much..why dont people get that?

things really are going good...my emotions are just crap lately...

I am still job hunting...been sending out resumes like crazy...most people dont want to hire me, because i cant work most nights...sooner or later i will find the perfect job...i know its out there, it has to be...

no more planning has really been done on the wedding...i have to start making a list of people for invites, so i can start pricing out invitations, and things like that...we have alot done already...we have accomplished alot...i cant say "im not scared"...i am...not of getting married to Nick, but of being a failure again...

Nick and i haven't been able to spend much time together lately..with school, and kids sports, and lots of other things, we just barely see each other...i cant wait till things slow down a bit..i need some time with him..Last weekend he went to a "bachelor" party for his brother...i put parentheses around that because in my eyes it wasn't much of a bachelor party with females there too...but that's another subject im not getting into...so, it was a party...he had a good time, and im glad for it...im sure he needed some time away from life...we all do sometimes...im sure certain people will think less of me after posting that part..but i don't care anymore...im tired of people thinking they can walk all over me and get away with it..

to a few others, i don't need an internet babysitter...really i don't...i can handle myself quite well...and i don't need people who read my stuff, to go crying to others about my life...its my life...i choose to live it how i see fit...if you want to know what i write, or whats on my profiles, ask...don't spy...that makes me unhappy...very....oh, and yes, i am a Pagan....stop saying the word like its something dirty coming out of your mouth...and every time you hear that i am a pagan, stop acting surprised...its not a surprise every time you hear it, and its not a dirty thing...i don't worship anything EVIL...in fact, i worship something that is pure goodness, thank you very much...so just stop, because its getting on my nerves...you don't see me trying to convert you...so just leave it be...i am at a good and peaceful place with my spirituality, whether anyone else likes it or not...

music in my soul

2009-09-19T22:36:00.003-04:00

im sitting here tonight...alone..Nick is with his brothers, so im forced to entertain myself...not so bad really...there was a Bob Seger tribute band playing in town tonight, and i could hear it from my front porch...music is memories to me...i love it..all kinds...but music from Seger, and the eagles takes me back to my childhood...my family is full of the hippie types, and we use to have bon fires, and spend a good amount of time together...what i remember most is the bonfires, and parties where this genre of music was played...listening to it tonight brings tears to my eyes...it reminds me of my uncle Dan mostly..he has been gone for 3 years now...He was my favorite..a wild child or sorts...didnt care what others thought...a little bit crazy...and alot loveable...he was well known in Lawton as "animal"...

i know i just did a blog like this one, but for some reason lately, im really feeling the lose of the ones who have passed in the last 3 years...there have been alot...people i was very close to....some very important things are about to happen in my life, and they wont be here for it...it makes me sad...but mostly i think im sad for the way some parts of my family have become...i know they had their fights, but i want us to be close...its important to me...i just dont know where to begin to find that again...

im emotional tonight anyway, im dealing with a fear, and that never sits well with me

logans first game is coming up!

2009-09-18T21:58:00.002-04:00

Logans first game is tomorrow, and i am so excited!!! he is too...lots of people will be there to watch him for his first game, and i am very glad for that...its really important to him...he is really proud of himself! i will take lots of pictures..

my morning cup

2009-09-16T08:09:00.002-04:00

When my great grandmother died, they had the sad task of sorting through her things...i received a framed picture of my mom and dad, and a picture of me as a baby...

then, my family gave me a coffee cup that had been hers..on the cup it says worlds greatest mom...every time i drink out of that cup, i think of her...i think of how she was the pillar of this family...the glue that held it all together...she was a strong little lady...i miss her...but im so glad to be able to have something that i can use every day, that makes me think of her...

crazy busy

2009-09-14T22:17:00.002-04:00

things have been so busy lately...the kids are loving school....logan is loving football...he looks so darn cute in his uniform...he just got the rest of it today, and i didnt have my camera with me at practice, so wednesday i will take a picture to post..all those pads make him look so tiny..there are some kids on the team that are so much bigger then him!

nicks dad and neice were in a motorcycle accident almost 2 weeks ago...his dad has lots of healing to do, but will be ok..his neice was able to leave the hospital that day with only some miner issues...headache and body ache...im so greatful that it wasnt more serious...i absolutely love his family, and i cant even think about anything worse happening :(

nick seems to like his classes...he has to drive all the way up to grand rapids 3 nights a week, but he does ok with it...

My grandma goes in for surgery soon for her cancer..the 24th...im hoping everything turns out ok...

i should be getting a van soon...this is a very good thing! we need a 2nd vehicle...something a bit bigger...

im sad to hear that Patrick Swayze has passed away...he was one of my favorites..

im terrible at keeping touch with people lately...its not that im not thinking of you, things are just so crazy right now...ive been putting in about 10 resumes a week, sometimes more...for a while i wasnt getting any responses...now i keep getting told that im overqualified...i dont care, i just want a dang job! im tired of not having money in savings for an emergency...the holidays are fast approaching, and im pretty sure its gonna be another rough holiday...better that nick is home, but financially rough...but its ok, im greatful for what we can do anyway...life is good..

a friend of mine lost his wife recently...it makes you really take a look at the things and people you have in your life...remember to give them that extra kiss, and hug...dont forget to tell them you love them...its one of the most important things...

I love you :) thats all

wedding blog 9/14/09

2009-09-14T21:46:00.002-04:00

This is where we are getting married...kindelberger park...i cant wait, im so excited!!!! we came upon it by chance! its perfect...now lets hope for perfect weather!
we changed the date to June 26th, because the 19th just wasnt working out for us...but its ok...we also picked out my ring and put it on layaway..im not posting it though...you will just have to wait till the wedding :)

we rented out the moose lodge for the reception...its a big place, and it will give us space to move around...it has a great dancefloor, and a space for the DJ...we still havent picked out a dj, or photographer..its all coming together, and it is so wonderful...i get to marry my best friend..

i have my next fitting in November....

Almost the end of summer

2009-08-28T15:47:00.002-04:00

The end of summer is getting closer...i am not sure with this weather we really had much of one anyway..lol...this weather is crazy..right now its about 66 degrees, and raining...it has been a cold summer...cooler then normal anyway...i dont think i ever remember a summer being so chilly...we have only had a few hot days...we only got to swim a few times...i wonder is this is warning of a harsh, cold winter...i have a feeling this year we will have an abnormally cold winter...

This is the last week that the boys go to their dads this summer...I am glad for things to get back to normal...I miss them, and i dont like for them to be gone so often...in fact i cant stand it...at least during the school year they are only there every other weekend...

Logan has decided to play football this year...i am excited for him! i think he will be great at sports...he was a little scared about the idea of it at first, but then he got excited about it...we sign him up for that in the 3rd..

the boys have their open house next week, and we find out who their teachers are...find their classrooms, and all that good stuff...i still need to get the boys haircuts and shoes..I got them backpacks about a month ago when they were on sale...they still need some school clothes also...but i think that part is just gonna have to wait...i cant afford to do it all at once...

Nick starts classes the same day as the boys..i have to admit, im kinda jealous..i want to go back to school so bad...but previous school loans make that impossible at this point..but im happy for him..

i have put in so many applications, and so many resumes, and i am getting so discouraged...the only callbacks i have gotten are from jobs i cant really take, or arent realistic for our schedules...i have to have a job..i cant do this anymore...it almost feels impossible to find a job...i just want to work...

The twins birthday was yesterday...i cant believe my babies are 7 already..i didnt get to spend the day with them...but at least they got to be with their dad...im sure they were excited about that..

the family

2009-08-04T15:09:00.005-04:00

We had some pictures done shortly after Nick came home...I think they turned out great!

things around here

2009-07-27T08:31:00.002-04:00

We have 1 more month of summer break, and the boys are getting soooooo bored! im trying to think of some things that will keep them busy...i have a few projects i want them to do...i thought i would have the chance to make them study this summer, but it seems like that is lost :( my intentions were good...I had Logan read to me the other day while i was folding laundry, and he did alot better then he was doing at the end of the school year...I am nervous for him to start the next grade...Hopefully they can get him some extra help...

I have taken up an old hobby again...i started making necklaces...My cousin Jen got me back into it...i havent done anything too complicated yet, but im getting ready to start a 4 strand necklace...i would love to take a class on it...i think it would be fun...or at least have some friends that are into the same thing...

speaking of friends....I havent seen any of mine in a long time...havent even heard from them...i dont know what is going on with that...sometimes i just get tired of trying...especially when it seems there is only one way communication...friendship is a 2 way street...

My grandma had her 2nd round of Chemo last wednesday...it hit her harder this time then last time...the first round she took pretty well...im worried about her...i cant stop thinking about it...this is a woman who rarely gets sick...a woman who has been my 2nd mom...im not use to her being sick...i try to keep my mind off the fact that it might not work...a life without her in it is just not right...

I am working through some emotions right now...on several things, but mainly one...there are some feelings i havent overcome...how do you get past something that came from the person you trust most in this world...how do you get trust back? i know it takes time, but i hurt...i dont want to hurt anymore...i want this to be a really happy time...i never thought i would have to deal with something like this from that person...

We havent done any recent wedding planning...Money is just too tight, and with the kids home so much, its just impossible...of course, i would be happy getting married in the back yard.lol...but then no one would get to see my pretty dress my mom bought me...we have the dress, and a few small things already...

first before we spend money on wedding, i have to find a way to transport my children more safely then we do now...my van is dead...its going to cost too much to fix it, and im not putting that kind of money into something that will die again in 2 months...now all we have is Nicks car...a compact car...its great on gas, and wonderful to drive...its just not big enough...and makes for a stressful drive cuz the kids are always whining about space...not fun at all...so somehow i have to come up with a vehicle...

I am waiting to hear about a job...its an office manager job...something that i think would be perfect for me...im scared though...its been a while since i have been out there working for someone else...its an overwhelming feeling

Nick and the boys all start school around the same time...its gonna be strange...

hi there

2009-07-08T20:23:00.002-04:00

we have been so freakin busy lately!! between birthdays, dental visits, college visits, and family stuff, we have been gone most of the time...

so a little update...

Nick is enrolled in ITT Tech...he starts in September...i think it is the right choice...in the long run it will be better..

we have both been job hunting..mostly online, but both of us have uploaded resumes to many different sites...and i have been searching the Michigan works sight...i sent out my resume to several different companies...

My Uncle Fred is in town with my cousin Jennifer and her daughter Shelby...it has been so great spending time with them...you never realize how much you miss somone till they come back to visit...ive been having a wonderful time with them...i dont want them to leave :(

the 4th of july we spend with Nicks family...it was alot of fun...spent by the pool just hanging out...then we walked to the fireworks....

the 5th we went to my moms house...we had a family reunion...omg, there were so many people there...people i hadnt seen in a while..it was great to catch up with everyone...it was a great turnout!

My grandma's chemotherapy has started...she seems to be taking it well so far...her stomach has been a little upset, but other then that she seems to be doing well...

Logan has had some detal work done...he had one silver cap, and 3 white fillings...i dont understand why his teeth are so bad..i blame genetics...lol....next week he is having a tooth pulled...i hope they give him some good drugs so he isnt in pain...

this week hasnt been as busy as last week...its been nice having some down time...i needed it...i have been doing laundry for 3 days straight...im seriously tired of laundry..and im still not done..

Feels like its been forever..

2009-06-23T13:47:00.002-04:00

My blog is majorly slacking! ive been trying to find the time to get on here and update, but i always seem to forget...

things have been going ok...It is so great having Nick home for good...i think it is finally sinking in that he dosnt have to leave again...

The kids are at their dads this week...we are doing the every other week thing...i hate it...i dont like them being gone that much..but it looks like i have no choice...im sure its good for me to have a break...but most of the time it dosnt feel good for me at all! i just miss them..

I took logan to the dentist last week..he ended up with 2 fillings, and has to go back next week to get one pulled..i feel bad for him, i had such great teeth when i was little, and his are sooo bad..

The boys are loving summer...they love that they dont have to be on so much of a schedule, and i have been more flexible about bed times and stuff...im learning to let go a little more..

Nick got me a camera for my bday! its so awesome! ive probably taken about 300-400 pictures since June 10th..lol...im learning how to use it..its been fun...there are alot of picture up on myspace...i will post some here when i get a chance...

Nick and i are doing well...we havent done much about the wedding planning, but we are getting to that...we have looked into some venues, but it really hasnt gone much further then that..we have to make some money first..

nick is looking into attending ITT Tech....i think its a good idea for him..ive been looking for a job, but now that summer is here i have slacked on it a bit..i dont have a vehicle anyway..all we have is Nicks car...I am still hoping to get a job at the school in the fall..

well im off to get some things done, i know i had more to say, but as soon as i sat down here to type it, i forgot!

June 10, 1009

2009-06-10T08:21:00.001-04:00

Today feels like Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nick is no longer in the Army...this was officially his last day!!!!!!!!!!! its so exciting...i am relieved...

9 days

2009-05-28T21:10:00.002-04:00

Its been 9 days since i last blogged...

Things are going ok...I am dealing with some stuff, but part of it just cant be talked about here...emotionally im just spent...

Good news to start things out...Nick has been home for a week now..Things are great...we have just been enjoying our time together as a family...i know i dont have to send him back, but sometimes it seems as if i need to cram a bunch of stuff into his visit...it just hasnt completely hit me yet that he is home for good...no more army, no more deployment...now its time for us...i wonder when that will sink in?

The boys are so happy to have him home...they cant seem to get enough of him..

Last sunday we had his family reunion..it was really great...i love his family...they are so wonderful and accepting...we had a blast...the boys got to play outside all day, it was perfect weather for it...nice and sunny...so sunny in fact i got a sunburn that still hurts in some spots...after the reunion we went to his aunt and uncles farm, and spent the evening out there...fun stuff!!

yesterday we went and did some shopping around...we looked at tuxes and invitations...just to see what we needed to plan for...

today we went to his parents house for dinner...thats always nice...i enjoy being there..

So onto some stuff that isnt so fun...I talked to my mom today...it seems my grandma has stage 4 cancer...not sure what they are gonna do about it yet...so we will see what more they have to say...i dont really know yet how to handle it emotionally, but at least i have Nick here...that helps

A little update

2009-05-19T20:35:00.002-04:00

This is me keeping my fingers crossed that there will be no more delay..At this point we are expecting Nick to leave Hawaii Wednesday night...This will bring him into town on Thursday night..I am trying hard to be excited, but im afraid once i do, his homecoming will be delayed again...

I cant wait to have him home..I am an emotional mess, on a rollercoaster of every emotion you can imagine...its been up and down for weeks now..i need for this to be done...

so hopefully we will get him home Thursday..