...and they lived happily ever after

I Thank You.

2008-07-25T21:24:00.003-05:00

Tonight I had one of those conversations that leave you feeling so helpless. It has been wonderful, sad, eye-opening, and humbling to learn more about Gadese everyday. When we first got back from Africa, she was a stranger more or less living in my house. A stranger that I didn't understand and that didn't understand me. We communicated more through charades and facial expressions than through words. Even without language in common, I knew she was honest, sweet and strong. What I didn't know was how beautifully tragic her life really was.
We were talking tonight about Ethiopia, her relationship with her husband and her Olympic career. She started running when she was 13. I looked at Jace and thought how small and young that really is. She was, "bought" to run. They paid her family and off she went to live in the city. She was 13. She didn't see her family for 2 years. As she told this story, I couldn't help but to again think of Jace. I told her (almost out of judgment of her family)"If someone came knocking on my door to, "buy" Jace, I would show them the exit." She looked at me astonished. She said, "I was 13, my parents were going to marry me off, I was fortunate to leave. Look at Faith(7), she would most likely already have been married off. And McKayley(9) definitely." I sat there my heart was pierced. I knew child brides are a reality. You hear of it in a lot of countries. I guess I am completely unaware of how rampant child marriage(rape)really is. Then it occurred to me, I was judging her parents for selling her to run when in fact it saved her from something much worse. Again, I'm left thinking,"What can be done?"

Philippians 4:6-7
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Lord, I thank you for opening my eyes. I thank you for Gadese. I thank you.

And the Waiting is Over

2008-07-23T18:25:00.002-05:00

Faith looks adorable in her hot pink cast that she'll be wearing for 4 weeks. She continues to amaze me with her strength and attitude. I could learn a lot from her:)

Waiting..

2008-07-22T22:46:00.002-05:00

I'm waiting to hear from Adam. He took Faith to the ER. She hurt her wrist at gymnastics. It might be broken. Waiting.....
On an extremely cool positive note; How awesome is it that daddy was home to take her.

Baby News

2008-07-22T20:41:00.002-05:00

I sold my van today. I listed it on Sunday. Two days to sell. Wahoooo. Now I have 4k towards Gadese's medical fund. It feels really good to have that accomplished. We also went to Gadese's doctor today. Still have no idea if she's having a boy or girl. We were hoping to find out so we could share the news with Alex. I think it would help her family in Ethiopia to know the sex and to feel more apart of what's going on. The doctor said the baby was breach. We still have time for the baby to shift, but the news brought tears to Gadese's eyes. She is still so sad from the loss of their baby last year. Tomorrow is the day. I'm going to talk to the three hospitals and the birthing center about helping Gadese. If you think about it, please send prayers our way.

Yes, I Admit it

2008-07-21T21:06:00.003-05:00

I am a tree hugging, granola eating, earth loving girl. I have been and always will be. I have always believed we are all connected to each other and to this amazing place God created called Earth. We are all His creation made for Him and by Him. Five days to create such amazing beauty. Each day had it's purpose. Each day completed the previous. Earth! Beautiful! Perfect! Then came the sixth day. Filled with beauty and promise. Man and beast came. Awesome. Now it's complete. Earth! Everything on Earth! Beautiful! Perfect! Complete!

I always believed that all God created was meant for each other. For us to take care of the earth and for the earth to take care of us. ( Yes, I know God is our ultimate provider). What we do to the Earth, our land, our water, will have an impact on us. It is impossible for it not to. Do floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes not effect us? Then how is it we can not believe how we choose to live our lives will effect the earth, then in turn effect us. I see a big circle.

For those of you who are actually still reading this past the 2nd sentence, I am going somewhere with this I promise. It wasn't until I went to Africa that I saw first hand how important this relationship really is.

Here is what should be one of the most beautiful places on earth. Natural rock bridge, plants, monkeys, a stream. Until you get close enough to smell and see. The water is filled with trash, carcasses of all living beasts, poop, and disease.
In this picture you can see the trash literally avalanching into the water.

I love the locals gathering on the bridge watching the crazy woman examine the water. You can't see them but down the stream were two men. They were rummaging through the water to find trash or fish that they could take home to their family. Next to them was someone going to the bathroom and down a little more people were bathing. On top of the hill kids were playing. My heart was screaming, "STOP, YOU'RE KILLING YOURSELVES." You are throwing trash into the same water you drink from, bathe from, and fish from. I wondered do they know? Do they care? But more importantly in such poverty is there a choice? Here in America, I can, I have the luxury of knowing, of caring, of choosing. I can tell my kids wash your hands, pee in the toilet, have my trash collected and be totally ignorant of where it goes, clean my dishes, and buy filtered water even though I probably don't need it, I can bury my dead relatives, call the city to dispose of my road kill, file a complaint about the driver in front of me who tossed their latte out the window. While I was there it crossed my mind to start cleaning up all the crappola, but then what? Where will I put it? In the trash can? Are you kidding me? Poverty, deforestation, wealth, plunder of our natural resources are all connected. Don't get me wrong I know our God is a God of abundance, the great multiplier. Just look at the apple, one apple, tons of seeds, each with the promise of more apples. But I also believe to whom much is given, much is required. Much has been given and what are we or more accurately me, myself and I, What am I doing? I don't even know where to start, do you?

This is one of those posts that I'm attaching my "disclaimer" to.

*Dear reader of my blog, these are my thoughts and my opinions. If you find me selfish, irritating, too far left, too far right, too open, too shallow, non politically correct, too politically correct, too Christian, not Christian enough, have too many children, not enough children, too fat, too thin, pissed that I don't homeschool, worried if I do homeschool, can't believe I eat meat, think I'm starving my children if we are vegetarians, hate me that I like Obama, curse me if I vote McCain, accuse me of polluting the environment if I don't drive a hybrid, call me granola that I buy organic or don't like me at all, then may I suggest you give yourself a tree loving, oil coveting, athestistic hug in the name of Christ and quietly read someone else's blog.*

This post is dedicated to my dad. A man who has spent the majority of his life in the pursuit of an answer.

I Miss My ...

2008-07-21T12:40:00.002-05:00

I miss my camera. A month ago it was Diezelized (our term for all things Diezel). He drug it through the sand, threw it in the ocean and had the best time of his life trying to take it apart. Where was I when all of this took place? I have no idea.

I have missed so many cute photo moments with all the kids. This weekend Faith caught the biggest bullfrog I've ever seen. Mckayley caught tons of crayfish. Lukas painted himself with mud, Xia bathed in the creek, Diezel threw rapid fire rocks, and Jace he counted down the moments that he would no longer be tortured in nature.

I miss my camera.

Inadequate

2008-07-19T21:58:00.004-05:00

I have so much to do. Yet, I feel like I'm standing still, lost and inadequate. I don't regret for one moment our decision to bring Gadese here(the pregnant Ethiopian woman). She has blessed our family beyond words. I just feel like God called me to something that is so beyond my gifting it is scary. When we met her and Alex in Ethiopia we thought things would go differently than they have. We being completely naive thought that Alex would already be granted a visa, would be working for our company, would be on our company medical insurance, and he and Gadese would be anxiously awaiting their baby together, here in America. Instead we are no closer to a Visa for Alex and Gadese's is going to expire 3 weeks before the baby is born. Alex is unemployed in Ethiopia. Since Gadese is here on a tourist Visa, we can't get her state help for medical expenses and forget company insurance she isn't allowed to "work". Her and Alex have now been apart for over three months with no end in sight. The baby is due in less than three months. The medical bills are piling up. I need to start fund raising to cover her medical care. The doctor said if everything goes great we are looking at 20K if she has complications possibly 100-250k. Okay that shakes me a little. So next week I need to start, 1. Fundraising 2. Go to the three hospitals in town and see if any of them will help. 3. Since things are going well, go to the birthing center and talk to the midwifes about helping. 4. apply to extend Gadese's Visa and send in $300 with the application. 5. Forget trying to get Alex a permanent Visa and apply for a tourist one so at least he can be here for the birth. This will also take money for the Application and 2k for airfare.
We also at this time completely support Gadese and her family financially on our own.
Like I said, I wouldn't change any of it. She has become my sister and my best friend. I just feel so inadequate. And to be honest this is just one of the areas of my life right now that I feel this way.

Picture!

2008-07-14T21:13:00.002-05:00

I came across this online. I have no idea who took it, but thanks! This is the only picture I have right now.

Tonight is the Night

2008-07-11T09:54:00.003-05:00

We are having a wonderful time so far. We arrived yesterday afternnoon. We haven't see much of Adam:( but will see him tonight at the premiere. Stephanie and Laura thank you for the penny advice. What happens if it drops while I'm walking?
The best so far was meeting Crispy.

Oh my goodness! what a wonderful woman. Wow. She was so easy to talk with, enjoy her company and love. She has such a heart for her family, and it is eveident in her girls. They were as beautiful as they were sweet, and gracious. I was truly blessed to meet them. Thank you for coming Crispy.

On a side but luming note. When I got here yesterday I started with a fever and chills and now I'm bleeding a lot with a lot of cramping and it's not my time of the month yet. I just want to be able to make it through tonight and enjoy the evening. Good thing my dress is red.

I am Filled With...

2008-07-09T21:32:00.002-05:00

I feel like we just got home and already it is time to leave again. Tonight at 3am, Adam, myself and our three oldest kiddos fly to Florida to walk the red carpet of my man's first feature length film. I am filled with so much emotion.

I am filled with gratefulness. I am so grateful the film is finally over. It was the longest 9 months of my life without my man. I am also grateful that my man was able to fulfill a life long dream. He made a movie and recorded music!

I am filled with excitement. I have no idea what the next year holds for our family, but I'm ready.
I'm excited to see my three oldest as they watch their daddy celebrate the culmination of a life long dream.

I am filled with relief. I would be lying if I didn't say that I was looking forward to a break from the three toddlers. I am also relieved that the movie actually got completed. It's one thing to start such a project, but another to actually finish it.

I'm filled with nervousness. As much as I need a break I'm nervous about the impact three days away from the twins will do. I have worked so hard to get to where I'm at with their trust. I'm also nervous to be in the"limelight". I know the film has nothing to do with me and people probably won't notice, but the thought of cameras and eyeballs freak me out a little.

I am filled with fear. Holy crapola! I have to wear heels. What if I trip? What if I walk like I'm being poked in the rear?

I'm filled with girliness. Is that even a word? I kind of missed out on the prom thing and I kind of missed out on the traditional wedding thing. So, this will be the first time in 35 years, that I will get dressed in a gown, nails done, hair fixed and get to feel like a princess. My man tells me that he is more excited to see me walk the red carpet than he is about the movie.

BTW- I found an awesome dress. It is all red. Very classy in a simple way. Some pretty cool shoes and a killer pedicure. Please just pray I don't fall on my face.

Keeping it Real

2008-07-08T21:38:00.005-05:00

Raise your hand and say,"Aye" if you get tired of the anonymous cloak. A while back I got a really nasty comment. I thought it didn't affect me, but it did. It haunted me in a weird way. I found myself censoring everything I thought about blogging. I wanted to share so much about our new life PA (post-adoption) but I didn't. I let anon's pitiful comment stop me. Which excuse my french, but really pisses me off that I allowed a coward that, likes to throw a punch and run, stop me from opening up. Especially when I went out on a limb to keep by blog public awhile back when all the weirdness was happening. I even stayed public despite the fact I was a little in the middle of the reason people were shutting down. I really hope anon's around the world don't force me to put a disclaimer on all my posts.

*Dear reader of my blog, these are my thoughts and my opinions. If you find me selfish, irritating, too far left, too far right, too open, too shallow, non politically correct, too politically correct, too Christian, not Christian enough, have too many children, not enough children, too fat, too thin, pissed that I don't homeschool, worried if I do homeschool, can't believe I eat meat, think I'm starving my children if we are vegetarians, hate me that I like Obama, curse me if I vote McCain, accuse me of polluting the environment if I don't drive a hybrid, call me granola that I buy organic or don't like me at all, then may I suggest you give yourself a tree loving, oil coveting, athestistic hug in the name of Christ and quietly read someone else's blog.*

Peace.

Now I really don't want to add a disclaimer to every blog and I don't want to censor my writing. So what's a blogger to do?

Keep it real.

So what was the comment?
Not worth mentioning or keeping. It was deleted as soon as it was received. If it were constructive I would have kept it, but anything destructive that could hurt my children who read this is out of here.

Lyme Education

2008-07-06T22:54:00.002-05:00

I found this article interesting. http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/07/06/lymedisease.treatment/index.html

My sister died two years ago after a long battle with Lyme disease. I only now can understand the frustration she must have felt to be constantly misdiagnosed, told it was in her head, and that it couldn't be that bad. I'm so glad it is finally getting the attention it deserves.

Leaving for Home

2008-07-04T00:36:00.002-05:00

We leave tomorrow on July 4th to start the journey back home. I can't wait. Adam is coming home with us:) It has been quite the adventure here in California for the last 6 weeks. We will be home for 4 days before we head out to Florida for the premiere of the movie. I miss reading everyone's blogs and keeping up.

Changes

2008-06-21T15:53:00.003-05:00

About a month ago I had a dream. It was one of those amazingly clear dreams. It had purpose and direction. I heard a voice. When I first knew I was going to change the twins names, God gave us Diezel. There was no question. no matter the negative stuff we got we knew he was a Diezel. It was kaku's name that I struggled with. I finally settled on Daizey. It sounded cute, but I never felt that feeling. You know the one that say's this is it. Then I had THE DREAM. I heard a voice and it said" She shall be called Ziah. I asked the voice," Ziah as in I can spell it Zya". The voice said, "No. It is to be spelled X-I-A". I told Adam about the dream. He of course made fun of it. Saying "okay we'll call Diezel,Xylophone." Ha-ha. So I dismissed the dream, but it followed me everyday. "Her name is to be Xia". I finally couldn't deny it anymore. Daizey is a Xia. It means the glow of the morning sun. And that is her. My Xia.

Technology Woes

2008-06-13T08:59:00.005-05:00

My laptop broke just when I was starting to blog again:(
I only have use of my hubby's when he is home from 3:00am-7:30am. Needless to say I won't be using it much.

I also am a little isolated here. It's rare to find a bar of signal on my phone. I spend much of my time searching going from one room to the next saying, "Are you there? Can you hear me? and man I can't stand Sprint." I have a great signal away from the house, but with 6 kids (3 toddlers) when I am away from the house all my attention is always on head counting and chaos management. So on those rare moments that I am alone and away from my house I am dialing.

I'm also reminded why we don't have television. I have been really tempted lately to give into the pleas of my oldest son who wants cable. The house we are staying at has it. And man it's really lame. For the first week we had it on a lot. I noticed so much more fighting between the 3 oldest. Then last week Aunt Leah sent megablocks to the twins for their birthday. Which was awesome we are really low on toys here. Those of you who know me know I pride myself on the ability to pack light. Sometimes too light. Toys were left out. Hey we are at the beach. Who needs toys, right? Anyway,this week the tv has been off the majority of the time and they have set up store, a game they created using the blocks. They create robots and animals then sell them to eachother for the green blocks. They have banking and give donations to eachother when in need. It is really fun to watch especially when Gadese starts playing. The fighting is much better. I know tv works in some houses just not ours. So Aunt Leah and Uncle Lex thanks again for the wonderful gift.

Diezel and His Tongue

2008-06-10T21:30:00.001-05:00

My boy and his tongue are best buddies. His tongue is never in his mouth for long.

Results are in...

2008-06-10T19:26:00.002-05:00

Doctor here in Los Angeles just called. For two months I fought Typhoid Fever, Reiter's syndrome, Giardia, Bronchitis and the new find of Hep A. My doctor in Missouri didn't think I could have Hep A, so he never ran a test for that. Okay now having just one of those is bad enough but ALL of them. WHEW!!!! BUT........

I'm finally feeling much better. I feel a dance coming on:)

Cardboard Box Fun 101

2008-06-09T20:41:00.002-05:00

Trip to the Beach

2008-06-06T01:21:00.002-05:00

Diezel was not to fond of his first beach experience. Might have been that it was freezing or the enormous amount of sand that was dumped on his head.

Daizey had fun dumping the sand on Diezel's head.

NuNu and his cape.

Yes, they did eventually brave the elements and hop in.

My Last Complaint for the Year.

2008-06-04T22:57:00.003-05:00

So, I' m still sick. I know this topic is getting old. I had another trip to urgent care here on my vacation in sunny California. This time I walked out after more blood work, chest xray, urine sample and 4 prescriptions. I don't know whether to be irritated with my current situation or worried. It has now been two months of doctors and meds. I sure hope my body conquers this stuff fast. I know my physical state is adding to the feeling of being in a hole. And get this I'm not allowed in the sun for two weeks. I'm in California at the beach with my kiddos. MAN! And since this is my last complaint for the year may I add This really bites!!!!!!!! Okay, I'm done.

Thanks.

Are You There?

2008-06-03T23:40:00.002-05:00

So what happened to the 'ol blog? Well, you do remember that I am and will always be a self proclaimed dork, right? Let's just say, I've had a funky week. Okay honestly I've had a funky two months. So funky that I've been completely not myself. It's like I'm shoved in a deep hole and in this deep hole I'm confused and gasping. I want out of the hole and I know if I just stop looking at the hole I'll notice God is extending a hand down to me. No better yet, He is in the hole with me and telling me exactly what I need to do to get out, but it's so dark and so loud. I sense Him, I know He's there, but There I am. Struggling, fighting, crying. It's so lonely in the hole. I want to tell someone, but no. I just wallow in it. After all this is my hole. In my hole I want to bury anything and everything. I dug a spot for my family. Next to my family I buried my relationships. Since I was burying my relationships , I might as well throw my spiritual growth in there, heck why not toss in my health, well being and while I'm at it, my blog as well. The more I dug, the wider the hole got, the wider the hole got, the more exhausted I became. The more exhausted I became, the more apparent it was that I was not alone. The Hand, the voice, my family, my relationships, my blog, everyone was in the hole with me. In the dark and confusion of the hole I failed to recognize that when I am weak He is strong and greater is He who is IN ME, than he who is in the world. So now I'm working hard on digging everything up again and restoring it. Unfortunately my blog address no longer exits. So, I have no idea who will even be reading this. But here I am. Transparent.

Westward Bound

2008-05-22T22:25:00.003-05:00

We are heading on the highway. It will surely be an adventure. Packing up our crew. Driving across the country. Oh yeah baby - We were born to be Wild.

We leave this Saturday morning to drive from Missouri to California. The kids, Gadese and I will be joining my man for the next month in LA to finish the last part of the film. SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can not wait to smell the ocean air. I'm praying it will melt all our germs away. But more importantly I can't wait to be a daily support to my husband and to feel his arms around me every night. I can't wait for our kids to experience their dad in action and to witness first hand the power of a dream. I can't wait to see some old friends back home in LA and to hopefully make new ones. I can't wait to see all my kiddos toes in the sand and to watch Diezel and Daizey's eyes when they see the ocean for the first time.

*If there is anyone on our route to California, we are taking the Kansas, Denver, Utah, Nevada route and if it works out time wise. Maybe we could meet up for a leg stretch, decompress drive break.

Imagine

2008-05-21T21:08:00.002-05:00

Imagine loving two children so much you pray for them every night; only to dream of their tiny bodies wrapped around you. Imagine loving two children so much you travel half way around the world to hug them; only to have to leave them there alone. Imagine loving two children so much you prepare their room in faith; only to wonder if you'll ever see them in it. Imagine loving two children so much you work tirelessly raising money to bring them home; only to be told that might not happen. Now imagine doing this for over a year because You love them so much.

Please pray for Jody's family. They have been trying to bring their twins home for so long. This is such a hard week for them. She has such a beautiful family with such faith in the Lord. Won't you join me in prayer for them. Pray for strength, peace, and understanding. And please pray for their twins in Sierra Leone.

The Red Canvas Trailer 01

2008-05-20T14:41:00.002-05:00

My hubby's movie. I'm so proud of him.

Power of Prayer

2008-05-16T14:06:00.004-05:00

NuNu had a fever of 103.7-104.8 for 8 straight days. He had pneumonia with possible tick borne illness tularemia or ehrlichia. I sent out a prayer request at 10am. He was admitted at that time. He was lethargic, flaming red eyes, and high fever. One hour later his fever was gone. One hour after that he was sitting up. Each hour he grew stronger and stronger. During that time I had many of you praying for him. He is now home and doing great. Thank you so much for your prayers and good thoughts.

And oh yeah satan is getting his butt kicked.