just stuff

cold day in february...

2008-11-11T16:04:00.004-05:00

one of the last things i did before leaving college park...i ran across the photos today. it was the coldest day ever and the longest line ever, but hey, it was worth it!

what can i say...

2008-11-05T09:00:00.002-05:00

what a night. what a night. such excitement. i've been mourning hillary for months, but it was a natural choice when i was standing in the booth. i felt good about it too. it was a monumental night, and it's a monumental day here in the office. all smiles.

mineral bath/i wanna get out of here...

2008-10-30T13:14:00.004-04:00

i spent a quick couple of days in saratoga springs new york this week/weekend for a conference with my co-workers. we were all really excited about the prospect of our adventure...we found out it was being hosted by a "resort and spa." we checked out the spa menu months ago and scheduled our treatments excitedly, each of us deciding to have a mineral bath. the website says, "Discover the Roosevelt Baths' hydrotherapy spa-one of the only places on Earth where gravity can be lifted away from you, taking with it your worries, aches and pains." awesome, right?

i was transported to my "bath room" by jackie. the room was closet-like with a large, deep, brown stained tub in the corner. the room was covered in sterile white subway tile. there was a pillow/towel on the back of the tub and a white robe on the chair. she added lavender oil to my bath and told me i had 20 minutes. at the end of 20 minutes, she would return with a warm towel. she rattled off a bunch of other incomprehensible directions then asked me if i had any questions. i said, "ok. so i get in there (pointing at the brown water) and then in 20 minutes, you come back, right?" "right." i hesitantly plunged my feet into the 3 foot deep brown water, hoping nothing was going to bite me. the water was hot, though, i remembered her saying something about 97 degrees. once my whole body was in, i rested my head on the pillow and thought, "this isn't so bad for brown water." effervescent bubbles swirled around my limbs and up my back. about five minutes or less went by.

suddenly, at the end of the five minutes, i completely started to lose it. i sat up and down, up and down sweating profusely. then i started standing up and down, up and down trying to cool off. i felt faint...the stars were coming. i had a talk with myself, "seriously, are you so stressed out that you can't even relax in a bath of warm water and lavender for 20 minutes?! what the hell is wrong with you (me)?!" i talked myself down for oh, about 2 more minutes. all the while i'm thinking, "why the hell didn't jackie just leave me a fucking towel so that i could get out when i wanted to?" then, i started looking around the room more, speculating as to the "spas" former life. rehabilitation center? old person home? psycho ward? ahhhh! i was freaking out!

i started counting to see how much longer i had before jackie showed up with my warm (ew) towel. right as i was on the brink, she came in. i lept out of the tub to dry myself off. i started to stumble, but caught myself on the wall before i went down. i dried myself off as fast as i could and wrapped up in the robe. i sat on the chair still questioning myself, wondering what was wrong with me.

i met my co-workers at the end of a very long hall. "did you love it?" one of them said? i told her i was really overheated so i wasn't sure yet. she told me she was going to take a trip into the steam room. "where's mary?" i asked. they told me that she had gone for a walk outside. i was surprised b/c outside it was roughly 40 degrees.

when we finally found mary, she asked what i thought. i told her i was really hot and didn't enjoy it very much. i just left it at that. but then, what was this? she disclosed her entire experience back to me and it was EXACTLY the same as mine. we swapped "crazy" thoughts..."i though, am i really such a stressed, put upon woman that i can't relax in a tub for a half an hour?" i told her that was my EXACT thought.

needless to say, we found out later that the hotel and grounds were haunted. odd smells appeared out of nowhere and the presence in the hallways was uncanny. i got on the elevator with a woman the next morning who said to me, "can i ask you an odd question? do you think this place is haunted?" ummmm, YEAH.

chicago...

2008-09-23T17:27:00.003-04:00

chicago was absolutely incredible this time around. i've really enjoyed it the other handful of times i've been there, but this time, this time was amazing.

it's incredible to me that women feel safe jogging through the park and on the streets alone. even at dusk. i can't even fathom that feeling as a jaded baltimoron. at the football game, i was completely shocked when 1. our new friends asked if we needed anything when they went to make a bathroom run and 2. left their purse and purchased merchandise in the seat. i figured maybe they just wanted us to watch it for them, but then later in the game, discovered that the neighbors behind us left their purse and bags and the people in front of us did the same! really!? i don't even leave my purse alone at my desk! the amazing mid-west. crazy.

everyone we encountered was so nice and friendly too. i had to ask the woman at the gate at least 10 times "do you agree to the pat down policy?" i finally said, "i am so sorry. i have no idea what you're saying to me." it sounded more like "meah deawn" spoken through the nose. so thick of an accent, i was lost. she laughed though! in baltimore, i would have been given a pat down alright!

the streets are spotless too. you could eat off of them, honestly. i would feel totally comfortable walking around barefooted. there wasn't a single item of litter to be found. and the planters...my god! huge planters up and down every few feet of michigan avenue. just amazing. walking home late one night, there were city employees pruning the planters. they said they always work at night so that the planters always look good during the day. just incredible.

so how do they do it? well, i'm guessing it has a lot to do with taxes. here we were a few moths ago bitching about an increase from 5.5% to 6%. get a load of this. state tax is 11.9%. if you're within city limits, tack on an additional 4%. as if nearly 16% tax isn't enough, think twice about that beer. it's going to cost you an EXTRA $.10 on the dollar in liquor tax. wow. what a way of life though. i'd pay more for comfort, freedom and beauty. doubt the rest of the state would though!

priorities...

2008-09-17T12:54:00.002-04:00

i need to get my priorities straight. though i need the money from the freelancing, i'm finding that it's truly taking a toll on me. there's work, there's teaching and there's freelance. three separate entities.

work is work. i come in, i do my job. i love doing this job and am taking every opportunity i can get my hands on here.

i love teaching as well. i have such a great time by myself working on my planning for class. it's so easy for me to get into and i really take the planning and organizing overboard, perfecting every element. it makes me feel like a kid again. honestly, i played teacher and grading constantly when i was little. while my students are no longer stuffed, i still get the same rush.

freelancing. i enjoy freelancing for theatre. it's funny how i can come home and turn on the computer and dive right into a theatre postcard, but anything outside of that is very hard to get into. but, again, the money. i really really want to pay these bills off. i feel like i'm struggling right now, but who isn't? maybe i'll give it until january 1. though, my resolution last january 1 was to quit freelancing and here i am, still bitching about freelancing. maybe i'll raise my rates and see who stays. for as long as i've been doing this, i still feel totally new at it.

and this doesn't even address how i've been neglecting my family (and their graphics needs) or my body and mind.

as i said, i need to get my priorities straight.

cubicle life...

2008-07-23T09:17:00.002-04:00

yesterday celebrated the 40th anniversary of the inventor of the cubicle. the announcer stated that you either love or loathe yours. here are my thoughts...

when i had a desk that was out in the middle of the open room, i though, "if i could only have a cubicle, what a wonderful life it would be."

then i got a cubicle. it was a cubicle with a window. not a window to the outside world, a window where people could look in on me! i was on display, like some kind of animatronic robot at christmas. people would mime at me (it was in the theatre department), swim up to me and ask me for "10 on pump 5." i hated it. i had not door so people would knock on the file cabinet on the edge of the "room" or simply walk up to the opening and say "knock knock." AHHHHAAHHH!!!!

then i got my first real office. with a door. i decorated it and made it a home away from home. it was comfortable. if i needed to make a call, i closed the door. if i had a meeting, i could have people over to my place. too bad it was 40 miles away from home.

now i'm back in a cubicle. i smell what my neighbors eat for breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner. i hear their music. i hear their telephone conversations. i hear their meetings. i hear them make doctors appointments. i hear their arguments with their husbands and wives. there's no escape. people say "knock knock" to me again. i can't make personal calls. i can't have meetings, which is really challenging as a supervisor!

i'd say i'm on the loathe side of the fence.

huge geek...

2008-06-12T11:31:00.003-04:00

i'm constantly wondering what it is i'm a pro at...i feel like i'm good at a few things, but a real pro, only maybe one or two things. we went to see the breeders last night. i will go to pretty much any and all lengths to see kim deal, my (music) idol since the 9th grade. the show was one day after the deal twin's 47th birthday. the 9:30 club was full of balding men and women who looked like me complete with pig tails and rimmed glasses. the very first time i saw kim perform live was at the American University in DC with nirvana. that dates me right there. but, holy shit, what an amazing time to be an angst ridden teenager. in any case, my friends an i pushed our way up to the stage to be closer to her, braving "the pit" and hanging on to each other for dear life. after that first time, i saw her with the pixies (reunion only) three times and with both the breeders and the amps at the 9:30 club, rise, fletcher's in baltimore, the ottobar, lolapaloza in west virginia, and a couple of other random DC locations.

i've only met her once, which was at the baltimore show at fletcher's. a group of friends an i were (again) hanging on for dear life at the front of the stage. she leaned over to us and said, "when was the last time you were able to make it to the bar?" we told her we hadn't moved all night. she said, "give me a second," and came back with a case of beer. she distributed them to the front row, handing me one and apologizing that we had to wait so long to get a drink. who does that?! honestly?! i think that's something extra that makes her so special. she's totally and completely unaware that people idolize her. a few years after that, my band, five gold stars, did a tour of boston. we played at the middle east with frank black and i had the pleasure(?) of meeting him after the shows were over. he was a very odd man. again, totally unaware that people worship him. at least, when he told me and my bandmate, Pat, about how he had to take his shirt off to mow his lawn earlier that day because of the heat (ew) i assumed it. either that or he was trying to gross us out.

in any case, back to my original point, i am a total kim deal geek. i was able to tell eric what year each song came out, titles, albums, what kim and kelley were doing at that point in their lives, what i was doing at the time the song came out, who wrote the song, what each of their pedals and microphones do, i've never felt so geeky! why do i have this useless knowledge? and why can't i apply it to something that will make me money? ha!

it was a great night, nonetheless. even despite the fact that i felt like only about 10 of our 30+ year old bodies were moving...and most of the people there brought their kids with them.

here's a photo from the 2002 show at the ottobar which was a few days before my birthday!

what's a little death...

2008-06-03T15:43:00.002-04:00

check it out...

evil under one roof...

2008-06-03T15:37:00.003-04:00

here in catonsville resides a walmart with a mcdonald's in it. now, i never go into walmart, so maybe it's a long living partnership, but ew, how much more gross can you get. i've spent a total of $1.87 at walmart over the past five years. i feel awful about it, but, i really needed tissues today and it was the closest store.

last night we went to an awesome event held by share our strength at the AVAM. very cool. wish i had some money to donate. in any case, i had some much better cupcakes made by "karma's cupcakes." they kicked balto. cupcake co.'s wrappers off. yummy! i essentially had chocolate and cheese for dinner last night at the event so tonight i'm making black bean burgers with broiled zucchini and avocado. mmmmmmmm.

etsy adict...

2008-05-27T19:53:00.003-04:00

so, i sold a bunch of stuff on ebay and held the credits in paypal so that i could shop (semi) endlessly on etsy. i cannot stop buying things. i have way more wall vinyl than anyone needs and i really, really need to stop buying jewelry because 1. i don't need any more junk and 2. i won't even wear it. i instead need to focus on what i can SELL on etsy so that i can buy a new computer not on credit. i think that's more important right now.

stimulus check, oh stimulus check, where are thou stimulus check? i'm trying my hardest not to pre-spend my check.

today i bought 5 mega millions tickets. so unlike me, but i had "a feeling." well, either that or it was the huge honking billboard i passed on the way home that said, "jackpot $12 million."

rip vacation...

2008-05-27T09:06:00.002-04:00

oh. my. god. four whole days off. it was fantastic. i read and napped and cleaned and cooked (i love cleaning and cooking). the kitties were so happy that i was home too. i watched martha real time and lounged around. the house was quiet for the most part. we got a wii fit so i did a lot of exercising too. i'm feeling good so far. i have a follow up appointment scheduled with the doctor for next week. can't wait to see what he has to say about the mono. i think it's pretty much gone for the most part.

i picked up a new freelance job...this one will be really fun. i love designing for theatre. a friend of mine from towson is starting an ensemble and they have written a play that has already been accepted to several fringe festivals. it's a follow up to hamlet, written in complete iambic pentameter. quite amazing. she's really into funky things so i get a lot of creative freedom from a job like this. nice and refreshing. i'll also be starting in on the infamous aerospace engineering newsletter in a few days here. woo. hoo.

too old...

2008-05-18T20:56:00.002-04:00

there comes a time when "stopping by" someones house is unacceptable. especially when they don't answer the house phone, the cell phone or the text you send them asking them if they're home! easy, right?

i haven't had a day home alone uninterrupted, without school work in literally months. this was supposed to be my day, but someone decided to stop by. not for 15 minutes. not for 30 minutes. for 5 hours. through dinner, through bedtime.

grow. up.

4 day weekend...

2008-05-16T13:10:00.002-04:00

it's going to be fantastic next weekend. i'm not going to know what to do with myself.

who am i kidding, of course i am!

1. clean my neglected house and office
2. drink a margarita
3. wash the curtains i took down 7 weeks ago
4. drink a margarita
5. catch up on magazines
6. drink a margarita
7. sit on the deck
8. drink a margarita

perfect.

da bears...

2008-05-14T13:32:00.003-04:00

i know i just blogged, but i left a piece out and it's not really relevant anyway.

last night, we were watching the NFL films 2006 bears season. we got so excited about our trip to chicago in the fall. so far, here's what we'll be doing in chicago: touring soldier field, attending a bears practice, we have 200 level seats to the home opener, we're eating at ditka's and peyton's, and we're staying in the official bears hotel. we tallied up our bears clothing last night and decided we need to get a few more key pieces before going. i also need an additional memory card for my camera.

i had all of these ideas about going to the museums and shopping, etc. but, you know, i did that the last few times i was in chicago and i think it's good to shut down from art once in a while. this trip is for eric's birthday, so, bears all the way it is!

people with passion...

2008-05-14T13:03:00.002-04:00

i love listening to people talk about their passion. i don't even care what the passion is. there's just something about watching or listening to someone talk about how deeply and why they love something. i nearly switched off NPR today because the guest was talking about business and MBA this and that, but this guy was REALLY into it. he was rambling on and on and on about all of these tiny little segments of business that he's into. i'm glad i kept listening though because the conversation morphed into a discussion about UB, a place that i too am passionate about.

i ran over to the little farmer's market near my office for lunch. i bought a loaf of sunflower bread, a large bag of spinach and a basket of strawberries (grown by "strawberries from seniors"). all for under $10. what a deal! dinner will be excellent and extremely fresh tonight. i could have stayed outside all day. besides the fact that it's gorgeous out, i make up one of the three people who are actually here at work today. rrrrrr.

class comes to an end on saturday, but grading goes on. i'm really going to miss this class...i'm not being sarcastic either.

worth the $3...

2008-05-05T09:33:00.002-04:00

i was absolutely shocked and amazed to see that 1. it was actually sunny on a sunday!!!! and 2. i didn't feel like total shit on a sunday!!! i literally jumped out of bed at 8am and got started on all of the things i've been wanting to do. this involved drinking coffee out of a mug (not a travel mug) on the deck, reading 8 magazines and planting my containers. just a tiny little preview of summer. relaxation and nothing involving the computer. i'm getting very excited!

anyway, i changed my containers up a little this year. i'm still going with a monochromatic plant scheme, but i've added vines to the grasses and they look awesome. i made three trips to poor boys yesterday to buy more and more plants. i was totally addicted to buying plants yesterday.

i began my plant addiction by going to home depot. i couldn't find a parking spot, then i couldn't find a cart, then i couldn't find someone to help me lift soil bags, (eric was at home working on his finals) then the line was huge. i gave up and left and headed straight to poor boys. i knew i was going there anyway, but wanted to save a few dollars by getting the basics from home depot. whatever. it was worth every extra cent i had to spend. when i arrived, i parked right in front of the gates. i grabbed a little box (free) and picked out my herbs. when i started working on my containers, the owner came over and chatted with me about what i was planting and how my winter was. i thanked him for the $10 gift card they had sent me in the mail for my birthday. he excused himself and pulled an employee to the side, gave her his credit card and said, "can you do me a favor? go ahead and order pizza for everyone. my only request is that it doesn't come from a chain. we need to keep the local guys in business." then i watched him move around to everyone else in the garden center, introducing himself and chatting.

wonder where the owner of home depot was? probably in the bahamas or something.

engineers...

2008-05-02T12:48:00.002-04:00

well, my final newsletter from my last job just came in the mail. apparently, the engineers had their way with it, unannounced to me. let's start with the cover. they saw some white space so they decided to slap on a lower than low res image from the web that isn't even framed properly. they also changed text in several articles, leaving widows and orphans all over the damn place. ok. so, i guess it isn't so bad and most people wouldn't see widows screaming off the page in their face, but still, it's my work and they didn't even tell me they changed anything. i got an email from the printer (thank god for printers) telling me they were messing around with the files. unbelievably annoying. well, you know what they say, engineers have no style. (they don't actually say that, i just made it up.)

i need a margarita.

i should rename this "mono blog"...

2008-04-28T09:03:00.002-04:00

today marks a month and 10 days with mono, so about half way. i feel absolutely awful on sundays. awful awful awful. i pretty much spend sundays sleeping/napping on an off the entire day. which is fine since there's some new mother nature rule about it raining on my one day off. maybe that's how i'm being forced to take one day of rest a week. i actually feel pretty awful today too. i kind of pushed it this saturday by drinking ONE glass of wine (gasp!) and staying up until midnight (double gasp!). these are the piddly little things my body can't handle at this point and constantly reminds me of on sundays.

my roots are showing now. i was at the salon the day the mono hit me full force. lauren said to me, "man, you've gotten really congested just since you sat down." little did she know...

i want to be well so bad. i wish there was something more i could do. sadly, i really don't think i'll be completely well until i have my weekends back. even after class is over, i'll still have to work a saturday or two for work.

the mono...

2008-04-01T16:05:00.002-04:00

i hate to jinx myself, but i either feel pretty good today or i'm getting used to feeling tired all the time. well, one more possibility is that i've had too much coffee. i've been sleeping 12 hours a night at this point and still having trouble getting out of bed. under normal circumstances, if i sleep more than 7 1/2 or 8 hours, i get a huge headache. it's been really hard, but i've been canceling all of my unnecessary obligations for evenings and weekends. i'm going to try and give myself off until may-ish if i can help it. just wrapped up the college park newsletter job and my taxes are in so outside of that (work and teaching of course), i'm pretty free.

there was a commercial out a few years ago either for the army or nursing school that went something like, "i do more before 8am than most people do all day." that's me...though i'm not a nurse or in the army.

everyone should check out "color correction" on hgtv. the host is mildly annoying, but it's great for learning about color palettes and correcting tones in palettes. she actually speaks on color theory and why colors work.

sick...

2008-03-19T09:56:00.002-04:00

ugh. i'm so sick...i can't believe this. and right before my spring break. no fair. it would be nice if i had a sick day or two i could actually use.

blogging for bucks...

2008-03-09T20:25:00.002-04:00

our house served as the meeting place for eric's old buddies from high school this weekend. thankfully, they are four of the sweetest, nicest and most fun guys ever. their wives/girlfriends are all incredible too. i was shocked/amazed/intrigued to find out one of their wives makes, hello, $40,000 a year off of her blog! oh my god! what a second job, right?!

i've been thinking a lot about what i'm best at. i feel like i have a few things i can say i'm good at, but i can't really say i'm "the master" of. i think if i had to pick something it would be planning. i plan everything...when i teach i plan the entire semester out before class even begins. i plan parties, class schedules, kid delivery to practice schedules, vacations, errands, even grocery lists and meals. one of my favorite things to do is make lists. i have so many list making notepads, it's not funny. and the amount of list making notepads i've gone through is even less funny! so, maybe planning is it?

i really want to stop using the word really when i write. at first i just gave in and filed it under tone, but now i go back and edit it out 95% of the time and i'm sick of deleting r e a l l y. so i want to stop, dammit!

does anyone miss football? i think the thing i like the most about sunday football is that it stops me from turnning my computer on on sundays. maybe i should just make that a rule.

the perfect job...

2008-02-14T09:07:00.003-05:00

i'm totally convinced that the perfect job is a tastykake truck driver. first of all, drivers are not only drivers, but they own their own business. no one tells you what to do or how to do it or when to do it. when you're done your route, you're off of work. so if you start at 5am, you're done when you're done. prefect. second, who ever said, "god dammit! here comes the damn tastykake truck." everyone's happy to see you coming! you might even be able to work a trade with say, the vitamin water guy or the doritos lady. you won't get fat either b/c you'll be exercising all day long. amazing! lastly, you can enjoy the weather everyday. if it's cold out, you lock up and keep warm. if it's a warm spring day, they have a way to just drive around with the screen door type doors open, allowing you to bask in the sun and breathe the spring air. it's a perfect job. i've been thinking about it since i was 4 or 5 years old. seriously!

and, hello, who doesn't want to spell cake with a k?

house lust...

2008-02-08T12:57:00.000-05:00

i most certainly have it. i never knew there was a name for it, but when i heard about it on morning edition this morning, i knew it was true. it can be lumped right there with my magazine addiction though. i find home shows and interior decorating completely relevant to my design career. i derive inspiration sometimes more so from home magazines and shows than from design magazines. so i need it, right?

i remember when i was about 7 my parents had an interior designer come in to help design our formal living room. apparently it was something my mother always wanted to have done so my father gave it to her as a gift. she looked like absolute perfection and carried a transparent purple clipboard where she frantically jotted down notes as my mother told her all of her hopes and dreams for the room. after she left, i begged my mother for a clipboard just like hers, thinking i could transform into designer lady with that one magical accessory. i think that's what started my house lust.

it's pretty extreme now. i subscribe to at least 10 home magazines and the thought of cutting off cable and not getting HGTV seriously gives me a panic attack.

sucked in...

2008-02-06T15:40:00.000-05:00

i just subscribed to another magazine. this one is called "house beautiful" and i've subscribed to it pretty much sight unseen. ina garten (the barefoot contessa of the food network) is kind of a friend of mine and writing a column for them now. i got an email updating me of the news and what do i do? subscribe immediately. good news though. readymade, blueprint, martha stewart newsletter and golf for women are all expiring so i'm just swapping it out, essentially. i'm still subscribed to: print, body + soul, living, rachael ray, real simple, domino and a few others.

right?

somebody validate me!

roadkill...

2008-02-06T11:03:00.000-05:00

ok. i have to add something horrifying to the roadkill list. yesterday as i was coming to work, there was a police officer stopping traffic and setting up flares. on the ground was a BABY HORSE, a.k.a. a friggin' PONY mangled on the ground. i totally had a nightmare about it. it made me totally ill.

god, i cannot wait to stop driving so far.