tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8178035081627826420.post-6335533036719413572008-05-22T09:49:00.012-05:002008-07-18T11:03:32.389-05:00<a href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_8QLmZHqhajA/SDWIrVa-3uI/AAAAAAAAAFU/JctXWHJEvms/s1600-h/KittyAfterHaircut.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5203215222562545378" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" height="216" alt="" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_8QLmZHqhajA/SDWIrVa-3uI/AAAAAAAAAFU/JctXWHJEvms/s320/KittyAfterHaircut.jpg" width="307" border="0" /></a><br /><div><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">So it's a rather huge deal when I cut my hair. </span></div><div><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><br />I haven't *<em>really</em>* cut my hair since I was 16 years old...which we'll just say has been almost 20 years. In the interim I've occasionally trimmed 1 to 3 inches off of the bottom to keep it from getting completely ragged. </span></div><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><div><br />Sunday, in a manic state, I decided to trim my hair. It's always interesting to me when my simple acts of maintenance turn into cries for major transformation. I've always been teetering on the line between reality and fantasy, so much so that as a child I had the very distinct impression that I had similar properties as the dolls whose hair one can cut, but then pull out again later. To this day, I have to have mental arguments with myself about what is possible in this physical world prior to acting upon some impulses. </div><div><br />I have been wanting a hairstyle change for about a year now. I spoke seriously of and had discussions about it last June and even bought fashion magazines (again, something I haven't done since I was 16) so that I could more accurately indicate to a hair stylist what I was looking for in a 'new do'. Ultimately I'm a chicken when it comes to changing my physical appearance. I like to have as much to work with on the outside as possible so that I can be the chameleon I actually am on the inside. Having lots of hair is exceptionally conducive to changing one's appearance instantly. Shelly can leave his hair down and stop NYC traffic, but once he pulls it back in a braid, the same people who were creating traffic jams can walk past Shelly without ever even noticing him. </div><div></div><div><br />All of that being said, my hair is only about 6 or 7 inches shorter than before. Although, when you only have 22 inches of torso, 6 or 7 inches does actually seem like more than it really is. I feel that my hair is at least healthier now than 5 days ago, but there's something dramatic about a length of hair that covers one's entire back and I and I <em>feel</em> differently now for it.<br /><br />"I <em>feel</em> differently for it", that would be the subtle, subconscious cry for transformation. My Mom used to say the only thing she had control over changing was the arrangement of the furniture. I think what she should have said was, "the only thing I have control over that won't be an obvious, glaring change to the rest of the world, is the arrangement of the furniture." I'm always so impressed when others can change, on a dime, in front of the entire world. I've known and still know people who change, at least their appearance, on a seasonal if not monthly basis; although, I've yet to meet anyone who changes that frequently on the outside in order to reflect some personal, internal, life change.<br /><br />I am not yet a master (even at the age of 34 and 3/4's) of the chrysalis process, but it is my preferred choice of change. Perhaps that is why I love and long for Dancemeditation retreats - the workspace itself is like one giant chrysalis holding many bodies in varying states of development and transformation. Coming out on the other side is perceivably different, both on the inside and out, to myself, the others in chrysalis with me and the rest of the world. Maybe my longing for transformation is the manic realization that I have not had the opportunity to spend any real length of time in a chrysalis removed from the everyday world in almost a year.<br /><br />In summary, hair cuts = instant change = sharp intakes of breath and brief instances of panic.<br /><br />Now how about another vision quest to wrap it all up?<br /><br />I think it might be time.</span></div>Girlie-Queuenoreply@blogger.com