Cry Diary

A whiny voice still has something to say.

2009-07-04T13:10:00.003-05:00

I've been avoiding the cry diary for awhile. Aside from it's effeminate connotations, and it's difficult emotional toll, I've just been tired of crying. Tired of feeling so empathetic with every sorry jackass with a hard-luck story. Sorry of feeling sorry for myself. I have what could be described as a difficult life, and I think I just got tired of dwelling on it.

Today, though, I was noodling with Netflix and found that I could stream Season 2 of the This American Life TV show. I've been a TAL fan since 2000 when my wife and I first discovered it while out shopping and driving from store to store one Saturday morning in the Chicago suburbs. It was the show where Ira Glass was in Paris hanging around with David Sedaris and talking about Sedaris' poor french. We were captivated. Over the years I've slowly found the time to listen to every single TAL episode that was in their website archive (all but 2 or 3 of the earliest shows) and I have become an admirer of Ira Glass and his team of producers. they've consistently educated and moved me - often simultaneously.

Recently, I saw a tweet from a webcomic artist I like saying something like, "I know everybody loves TAL, but I've never been able to listen to it because of Ira Glass' whiny voice." Soon, there were a couple other peeps from folks saying essentially, "Ha, ha, yeah. He talks funny. That show sucks." How fucking shallow is that? Here Ira Glass is telling compelling tales of note and substantial emotional weight and they don't like the way he speaks?

Back to today. Today I was watching the first episode of TAL season 2 and was just struck dumb by the power of what they did in the process of documenting the life of a young man with a terrible disabling affliction. He can't move his limbs and is limited only to slight finger movement and some facial movement and eye movement. He needs assistance with eating and even breathing. His only communication is via a joystick input on a MacBook. He uses the joystick to select letters and write out his communication. He's written extensively about himself and now is wanting to try to become independent from his mother, who's been his life-long caretaker. Early in the show they ask him who he's like to play him in a movie about his life and he says either Johnny Depp or Edward Norton.

At about this time, I'm preparing lunch for the kids so I walk out of the room for a few minutes, and when I come back I hear a very pleasant and sort of familiar voice now reading this young man's writings about himself over footage of the young man leading his life. The voice talks about hopes and desires and the dream of independence - at least from his childhood trappings if nothing else. It's a moving story and interesting and slowly, as I'm watching, I realize that the familiar, pleasant voice reading the narration is actually Johnny Depp's.

It just floored me. The story was already compelling, it was already moving, but the fact that they went out and actually contacted Mr. Depp on this young man's behalf, and that Mr. Depp actually responded and agreed just moved me more than I can describe. I very much am a person who thinks that the greatest hero is the person who comforts the afflicted, and I was moved to find out that this is the type of person Johnny Depp is.

This fact, mashed up in my mind with the recent "I can't be bothered to learn anything from Ira Glass because I don't like his voice" meme and suddenly I was in tears. I was touched and moved by the actions of the TAL people and simultaneously furious at all the people who would simply close their minds to something so touching and amazing over something so trivial as to be irrelevant.

I repeat; How fucking shallow is that?

Daily Show - Mar 4, 2009 - CNBC

2009-03-05T13:10:00.001-06:00

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

Inauguration

2009-01-20T09:01:00.003-06:00

I'm watching MSNBC and I'm just a wreck. Such a historic day. I doubt the nation will ever be apathetic enough to allow somebody like George W. Bush to weasel his way into power again in my lifetime. As disastrous as his administration has been, he's at least united and galvanized us. Here's to putting the adults back in charge. 4 hankies.

1549

2009-01-16T10:05:00.004-06:00

I'm sure we've all heard this amazing story. I have to admit it has me pretty choked up. The amazing captain who stayed calm and competent and thinking of others as he faced what could have been his final moments. The amazing crew who was right there with him helping him get those passengers to safety. The first responders who sped to the scene despite potential danger to help. And the passengers for staying calm and helping each other as they quickly evacuated the plane. This was not some hand-picked group chosen for their talents or special abilities, but rather a sample of regular people. These are some fantastic people and I'm glad I live in a culture that allows people to be the best of what they can be.

4 hankies

Delivery

2009-01-06T11:34:00.003-06:00

Since there's no Apple Store within 600 miles of me, I do most of my shopping online, and have used all sorts of different package carriers to deliver things for me. DHL was a nightmare, and the post office is a little slow but extremely reliable, and the big two - FedEx and UPS - were always about the same.

Except that I just got a call from my mom relating a story to me that has me totally floored. My dad is a Vietnam Veteran and also a Registered Nurse. Years ago, he was exposed to Hepatitis from a needle stick and now is on medication to treat some liver problems. The VA ships him his medicine every week via FedEx. The scheduling is a bit tight and typically it arrives exactly when he's going to be needing it, and delays in shipping would be disastrous. Until recently, the young man that drove the route through our town for FedEx understood that my parents both work during the day and might not be home to accept delivery and was perfectly happy to grant their request to simply leave the package at their front door so they could have it the day it was delivered instead of delaying arrival until one of them happened to be home.

Around Thanksgiving, a new person started driving the FedEx truck that services my parents area, and despite repeated requests and explanations, refused to simply leave the package. Technically, the package required a signature and she simply wasn't going to deliver the medicine without one. This lead to many days of my parents scrambling to try to be home on the day of delivery despite the fact that they couldn't get a precise time of arrival from FedEx and had to sometimes wait hours simply to be available when the FedEx truck arrived. My dad called the VA and got them to drop the signature requirement hopefully to facilitate an easier delivery.

The next week (the week of Christmas), the new driver didn't arrive at all despite the tracking page on FedEx's website saying that the package was on the truck to be delivered. My dad called FedEx and was finally able to convince them that he desperatly needed to have that medicine and to have her come back. It was nearly 6 p.m. by the time she arrived, well after the she was supposed to be done for the day. When she arrived she was angry and told my dad, "I don't care what sort of problems you have, I'm not leaving the package without a signature." This got my dad angry and he told her that he wanted the name of her supervisor and that he didn't want her to be the person delivering to them, anymore. She refused to give her supervisor's name or even her own first name so my dad wrote a letter to the CEO of the company explaining the incident and why, if they didn't fire her, they should at least have another person deliver to his house.

The finishing touch on the story? Today my dad received a letter from FedEx explaining that they're not going to deliver anything to his house, anymore.

After failing to deliver critical medicine to a veteran, they've decided to fire my dad as a customer. Amazing.

Bedtime

2009-01-03T01:21:00.003-06:00

There are days when, despite all the peculiarities of my kids, I do a great job as dad and I take care of and teach my children. I finish the day feeling good about them and our lives as a family. On those days I feel like I've won.

And then there are days when I feel like I've been soundly defeated.

My daughter is severely autistic. She can't speak. My parents and her teachers will argue with me on this point, but, despite knowing a handful of words, she simply can't use them in any meaningful context. This makes taking care of her remarkably difficult. She doesn't really like to go to bed because the time between laying down and falling asleep is a time where she gets very little stimulation and she leads a life devoted to stimulation. From her sense of touch to her sense of taste to her sight, she is always sampling her small world. The dark softness of her bedroom is the opposite of interesting and therefore a form of torture for her. Since she hates sitting still and falling asleep, I have to sit with her every night in her bedroom diligently watching over her and making sure she actually stays in bed. She has to have this time of no stimuli or she'll simply never fall asleep. If I were to let her decide her own bedtime, she'd simply go on sampling the world well into the wee hours of the morning, only falling asleep at four or five in the morning when she's completely exhausted herself.

I, on the other hand, am not so resilient and tend to run out of steam not too much past midnight.

Tonight, as has happened a few times before, I drifted off to sleep before she had and woke up, bleary eyed and panicky, to find her bed empty. Tonight she'd merely gone to the unlocked master bathroom and unspooled the roll of toilet paper and shredded it and taken the bottle of talcum powder and spread it all over the counter and floor. On other occasions, though, she's found much more horrible and frightening messes to make. She once decided to draw herself a bath of nothing but cold water on a cold November night and I found her standing in an overflowing bathtub shivering and blue.

So on most days I do things right and I anticipate her and leave the bathrooms locked and make sure she's sound asleep before I go to bed. Those days I win, but tonight, as I'm damn near crying with frustration at battling with a child who seems determined to hurt herself, I feel like I'll never really win.

Springfield Victory Mission

2008-12-10T08:46:00.006-06:00

This isn't a post about something that made my weepy. This is about something that made me furious. I was watching the very touching Monday night (12/8/08) Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on my computer via my Dish Network DVR. Craig's mother passed away the prior week, and he was eulogizing her on his first show back from attending her funeral in Scotland.

I was weepy through much of that. Both my parents are still alive, but I do understand loss and it's very easy to empathize.

Toward the end of the show, though, I was skipping through the commercials and I happened across a local commercial for "Springfield Victory Mission" in Springfield Missouri. The commercial showed a man very solemnly stating that he'd had a difficult life, but that Springfield Victory Mission had helped him turn his life around. That's great, as far as it goes, but the infuriating part was that the end of the commercial had a narrator saying the tag line; "Springfield Victory Mission... eliminating poverty from the inside out."

My jaw dropped. I couldn't help myself. I jumped up from my chair, fists clenched, and roared at my computer screen, "Oh, FUCK YOU!" I was floored that they would say something so horrible and insidious. There's a lot of injustice in the world, and a lot to make me angry, but I'm not the type who typically yells at their TV. This made me completely lose control, though. The insinuation that religion (or the lack thereof) determines whether some kid goes to bed hungry, or even has a bed to sleep in, for that matter, is just evil. The idea that people earn poverty by choosing (or having been indoctrinated with) the wrong beliefs is simply vile. And it's subtle hinting that poverty is a result of internal lack rather than external forces - especially forces that might be completely out of a person's control - is beyond wrong.

So a great big, "Up yours!" for Springfield Victory Mission. Whatever good work you've done by helping those in need you've undone with your insinuations that, until they drank your kool-aid, it was really what they deserved.

Community of Veterans (iava.org)

2008-11-11T21:19:00.002-06:00

I saw this mentioned on The Rachel Maddow Show. 3 hankies

Obama's acceptance speech.

2008-11-04T23:00:00.001-06:00

Beautiful, wonderful, moving and amazing. He's done it. We've done it. 3 hankies

Obama wins (part II)

2008-11-04T22:40:00.003-06:00

So many teary faces. Even the talking heads on the networks are crying. It's keeping me weeping. 2 hankies

Obama wins.

2008-11-04T22:28:00.002-06:00

Tonight we saved the country. 4 hankies

Obama's Grandmother

2008-11-03T15:56:00.003-06:00

Barack Obama's Grandmother, one of the larger influences in who he has become, has passed away. I cry for Senator Obama, for his daughters and family, because of the loss of somebody so important, but I also cry for Madelyn Dunham for not being able to witness this historical election in which her grandson plays such an important role. I don't yet have grandchildren, but because of my children I understand that our descendants are the vessels that we pour ourselves into. They are what carry us into the future that reaches beyond our lifespan. She will live in history as an important American for who she helped Senator Obama to become. 3 hankies

Shenanigans

2008-11-03T14:50:00.003-06:00

This little video alternately boils and chills my blood. These slimy tactics of disenfranchisement have been nearly perfected by Republicans and are going to be used to try to avert a Democratic victory. I only hope we can avoid the trap.

As always, though, it's at the very end of the movie, when the man himself speaks, that my eyes fill up with tears of hope and joy at the idea that we might actually pull it off and save the country...

2 hankies

Mars Phoenix

2008-10-30T08:49:00.003-05:00

I've been emotionally attached to the Mars Phoenix mission from the beginning. My son and I watched it's landing live and cheered. Also, I tend to anthropomorphize things, which means I end up empathizing with them. Add in the fact that the mission team also has a Twitter profile for the lander and it's even harder not to feel for that little machine. Then this comes across Twitter:

Hard not to feel some pride and sadness. 2 hankies

Barack Obama Half-Hour TV Special

2008-10-30T01:11:00.003-05:00

I'm watching this Obama special, and he's sharing some hard-luck stories of everyday Americans, and I have to tell you, it's tearing me apart. He's right. We have to do something, and he's the guy for the job, but this show is really hitting me hard. There are many, many people who need help. 3 hankies

Ezra Phoenix Chatterton 1996-2008

2008-10-28T23:36:00.002-05:00

I've written about Ezra, before. He's the young man who went to Blizzard Entertainment and made a World of Warcraft Non Player Character in Bloodhoof Village through the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

I just saw that Ezra has passed away. www.ezrachatterton.org

My thoughts are with his father and the rest of his family. 4 hankies

Charles Meets Barack

2008-10-28T22:30:00.001-05:00

3 hankies

Wasssup for 2008

2008-10-28T10:25:00.002-05:00

This one made me laugh and cry. I was roaring with laughter as tears were almost shooting out of my eyes. And they were tears for the sadness buried under the humor, not just from laughing. Overall, a fantastic little piece. 3 hankies

5th Grade Reporter Interviews Senator Joe Biden

2008-10-26T18:30:00.002-05:00

I thought this was cute, but the part that got to me was toward the middle when Biden was speaking to the audience about his granddaughters and Obama's daughters having a sleep-over. He said he was reluctant to be VP, but he knew it was important for his kids and grandkids and all the people who are hoping for a future for this nation that he help Obama pull the country back from the precipice. Well, that's not exactly what he said, but that's what I think it means. 2 hankies

2008-10-20T11:40:00.002-05:00

Obama '08 - Vote For Hope from MC Yogi on Vimeo.

I like this video, but it's not the video, per se, that brought a tear to my eye. It's the audio of Barack Obama quoting the Declaration of Independence, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness."

Those powerful, prophetic words that marked the beginning of our nation always bring a tear to my eye. 2 hankies

Tom Udall Ad

2008-10-16T17:32:00.002-05:00

3 hankies

Rachel Maddow Show 10/9/08

2008-10-10T10:43:00.003-05:00

At 1:51 into this clip, Rachel talks bout Cook County Illinois Sheriff Tom Dart suspending evictions of renters who's landlords are in foreclosure. These tenants aren't part of the mortgage, but they're still being tossed into the street. He's risking contempt charges but still is doing the right thing for the people he serves. 2 hankies

Craig Ferguson - 10/7/08

2008-10-09T19:24:00.003-05:00

At about 7:24 into the monologue, Craig starts talking about Solidarity, and when he spoke about the image of democracy being "one American armed with a ballot," tears immediately sprang to my eyes. 3 hankies

Death of Hellscream

2008-10-07T10:03:00.004-05:00

I've written about this, before, but I was playing some Warcraft III, today, while the WoW servers were down, and I got to this cutscene and it made me weepy all over again. 3 hankies

Craig Ferguson - 10/2/08

2008-10-03T09:40:00.003-05:00

This one's a two-parter:

I thought it was pretty touching that Craig would meet this kid, see how remarkable and fantastic he was, and then get him on the show, right away. (2 hankies) Then came the whammy, at the end of the show:

This was just really touching. I've always liked his humor, but now I have a lot of respect for the man, too. 3 hankies