Trichloroethane

FML - grad school edition

2009-07-10T22:01:00.003-04:00

My problems are not like normal people problems.

Right now my most pressing, keeps-me-awake-at-night problem is how to find and maintain a particular species of parasitoid fly in the laboratory. There are many random subproblems that I won't bore you with. Also, how do I best spend $1933.61 on lab supplies before the end of August.

But on the other hand, I can't really complain when another pressing concern I have is "which of the Hawaiian islands will I visit when I go collecting this December?"

Win some, lose some.

Haiku

2009-07-09T21:35:00.002-04:00

Sweet Georgia peaches
The Platonic ideal of
Fruit, you are summer.

The future is now

2009-07-09T20:55:00.002-04:00

I welcome our Google overlords.

As a grad student who does grad student type things I've been thinking about getting a net book, I can't wait to get one with Google's operating system. It better not suck, if I have to wait until 2010.

True Facts

2009-07-07T21:08:00.017-04:00

My neighborhood is both awesome and frustrating.

I interact with pretty much the same ten people or so every day. Adviser, lab tech, post docs, office mate, undergrads, roommates, bus driver. I see more new and attractive people in the ten minute walk from my bus stop to my apartment than I do in the other 23 hrs and 50 minutes of my day. And they are all, most definitely, gay.

Let us now pause to consider the wise words of Jonny "The Gay Pimp" McGovern.

Speaking of beautiful, (allegedly) gay men can we all agree that this is basically sex in jpg form?

And while we're on the topic of Spock, you should probably check out Leonard Nimoy's photography here. Because he is my childhood hero and the original BAMF. And I love him even more since he's been rocking the old man jacket/khakis combo while doing the whole red carpet thing for the new Star Trek movie. Because he's Leonard Mother Fucking Nimoy and he's too old for this fancy pants bullshit god dammit.

That is all.

Open Letter

2009-07-06T20:18:00.004-04:00

To the gentleman on the elliptical next to mine at the gym today:

It's cardio not labor. I'm trying to watch MTV's finest reality programming and your Lamaze breathing is really distracting.

Secret

2009-07-03T21:09:00.004-04:00

I kind of wish Sir David Attenborough was my grandfather and Sir Ian McKellen was my great uncle. They could be total douche bags in reality, but in my pretend world they'd be totally awesome relatives.

I'm psychic

2009-07-02T19:54:00.003-04:00

My adviser shares space with another faculty member and I am friends with that faculty member's grad student.

Tuesday around noon I was suddenly filled with the certainty that my friend's adviser was pregnant, and I told him that while we were waiting for our yoga class to start Tuesday evening.

Today in lab meeting, his adviser announced that she is about 3 months pregnant.

I don't actually think I'm psychic but more likely, I subconsciously picked up on some subtle cues. But I do think it's a sign I should go to medical school.

Funniest damn thing I've heard all week

2009-06-30T22:01:00.001-04:00

Me: Hold on, I forgot my hat.
Friend: Oh no, you might have to walk across campus without getting complimented on your hat!

Open Letter

2009-06-24T19:33:00.003-04:00

Dear US politicians,

I don't care if you cheat on your wife, no really. I mean, it kind of sucks for your wife but I am not she. I am of the philosophy that, as long as the work gets done (and done well) your off hours are none of my business.

What I do care if that you persist in this charade of getting up on stage and talking about how very, very, truly sorry you are that you put your penis in somebody other than your wife. Sorry for getting caught, maybe. With the apologizing and the stepping down from positions and whatnot you are making me aware of your penis, and I do not want to be aware of your penis.

So next time you get caught sneaking off to Argentina with your mistress or whatever how about you keep it between your family and you, and leave me out of it.

Thx,

EDS

No regrets

2009-06-20T18:18:00.003-04:00

I saw Star Trek again. Equally entertaining as the first time, probably because the plot is so irrelevant to ones viewing pleasure.

Houndstooth

2009-06-07T20:20:00.004-04:00

So fucking classy it hurts.

Short movie reviews

2009-05-31T21:39:00.002-04:00

Night at the Smithsonian: like somebody dropped acid and watched the history channel.

Star Trek: awesome. Awesome like ZQ's sneakers.

Picky

2009-05-10T00:31:00.002-04:00

Had my annual physical yesterday. The NP I saw told me I have OCD tendencies because I pick at my skin. It actually makes a lot of sense, now that I think about it. I wash my hands often, as soon as I get home, after I tie my shoe laces, after touching any kind of animal. If I don't, I can't focus and I feel uncomfortable. I assumed it was just really good hygiene practices instilled at an early age by my parents but even my mom is baffled by some of my quirks, like having to shower before getting into bed every night. I also wonder if it explains the amount of water I drink.

Either way, I think it's an asset in my line of work, and my adviser also admits to a history of OCD tendencies.

Summer

2009-05-08T23:09:00.004-04:00

Here is the most temperate region I have ever lived in, and it has indicated to me that I can never live further north. I don't know if it's the increased day light or the warm weather and it certainly is aided by my recent academic success, but these past few weeks have been bursting with joy, it permeates my body. I am alive and the sun is shining and life is not full of every possibility it once was, but there are still plenty more doors ajar.

Minor details

2009-04-28T21:42:00.001-04:00

Oh yeah, also..

PhD candidate in the hizzouse.

I've been one for a week today and I have to say, damn it feels good.

Open Letter

2009-04-28T21:32:00.003-04:00

Hey you dirty hippies,

Are you really going to let Iowa be a shining beacon of progressiveness compared to California?

Get your shit together, pronto.

EDS

Secret

2009-04-23T20:06:00.004-04:00

Hey y'all, I think I have a thing for Tim Roth.

I mean, what the hell right? There's just something strangely compelling about that aggressively awkward little man. Maybe it's a sign that I need to start dating again.

Open Letter

2009-04-19T23:20:00.008-04:00

Hey fuckwad,

I'm sure being the Sunday night trivia dude at some grotty bar in Atlanta was totally your life dream so maybe learn how to do it right.

First of all, nobody is here to listen to you being clever. So shut the fuck up, read the questions clearly and give us the fucking answer in a timely manner.

Second of all Lolita's real name is Dolores. There is both a Lolita, TX and a Dolores, TX. Therefore, when you ask "what Texas town has the same name as the title character in a Vladimir Nabokov novel?" Be prepared to give points to people who write "Lolita/Dolores".

Third of all, do not fucking argue with me motherfucker. Have you ever prepared for qualifying exams? Yeah, didn't think so. Have you ever had PMS? No? Well let me tell you. It sucks. Multiply it by 150 and that's an approximation of how I feel ALL THE FUCKING TIME right now. So even if you're going to be a totally illiterate douchenozzle who doesn't know a Vladimir Nabokov novel from his asshole, don't be a dick about it. I am not an idiot, in fact I am probably 2 to 3 times smarter than you (and even if an Oscar worthy performance has cleverly disguised some MENSA shit, I am clearly better read than you), so do not repeat "I asked for the MAIN character" in that condescending little prickass voice at me, motherfucker. Dolores = Lolita. They are the same motherfucking person. I understand the meaning of the words "title character" however since Lolita = Dolores, you are not allowed to withhold points for people who provide both names as the answer.

In summary, suck a big fat one you stain of week old monkey jizz.

Fuck you,

Me

P.S. I firmly believe that the country is currently in the shitter due to exactly your kind of ignorant, pig headed, close minded, assholery.

Observed

2009-04-09T21:44:00.002-04:00

No less than 5 cop cars on the side of I-75 with a nice, late model car pulled over. Two black men handcuffed on the hood of one of the cop cars. Traffic starts to move and about 100 feet further down are two cop cars, connected by jump cables.

There's nothing quite like cops from the bedroom communities adjacent to a big city. Bless their hearts.

(And no, I wasn't driving so I was absolutely free to rubberneck).

Today...

2009-03-31T20:02:00.005-04:00

...is a good day to contemplate our species' capacity for evil. And to consider how we might, in our small ways, act against it.

Mmm.....

2009-03-29T20:47:00.000-04:00

90slicious

6 months

2009-03-27T21:46:00.005-04:00

It's been six months since you were an asshole. September 23rd, 2008. I know because I wrote it down, where I write down all the secret, hurtful things.

It's been six months that I've thought why bother meeting anybody new? They're just going to be an asshole eventually. It's like gravity or the second law of thermodynamics.

Everything falls, everything falls apart.

Black out

2009-03-26T00:02:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I fainted in my adviser's office.

It was the strangest thing, one minute we were standing in front of the white board talking about statistics and then all of a sudden my vision goes black and the next thing I know I'm on the floor with a very concerned adviser propping me up.

I was pale as a ghost with sweats and shakes for a while but once I got my blood sugar up I was okay. Felt a bit hung over this morning but with none of the fun times last night. Fellow students were in awe that I worked so hard I literally passed out, but to be fair I'd given blood 6 hours before. Although I'm sure stress contributed, since I've never so much as felt light headed after donating before.

What I did today

2009-03-14T19:53:00.004-04:00

Studied for qualifying exams.

Ate lunch alone.

Took the dog for a long walk in the rain.

Did laundry.

Cleaned my room.

Income taxes.

You wish you had my life.

Open Letter

2009-03-10T21:34:00.005-04:00

Dear Jake,

You know I think you're the cat's pajamas. I mean, Bubble Boy? Sheer brilliance.. I laughed, I cried, I learned to love a little more.

I would give my left kidney to be in a Heath and Jake sandwich, if you know what I mean. Also, I lost my virginity after watching Donnie Darko so you know, thanks?

But dear boy, why? And where have your nipples gone?