If I were President

My Alternative To The Bailout Plan

2008-10-01T08:10:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I wrote anything on this blog, but the current political landscape has forced me to revise my Presidential platform. There wasn't anything wrong with my old platform, but since I recently was made aware of the fact that money grows on trees I have decided a new platform is in order.

What do you mean money grows on Trees?

What? You haven't heard? According to Republicans and Democrats money grows on trees!

Case in point...

The legislative branch of government (who I still think should be replaced by monkeys) wants to give 700 BILLION (not million, BILLION) dollars to bailout banks in this country.

According to the IRS about 110 million people in the US filed their taxes last year. Sure, everyone in the US pays sales tax, but for the sake of argument let's divide the 700 billion dollars across the 110 million reported taxpayers. This results in each of us paying around 10,000 dollars in taxes on the bailout. Hmmm... I don't have 10,000 dollars to hand over to the government do you? I guess it will come from the magic money trees they have in Washington.

What, that's not enough proof that Republicans and Democrats think money grows on trees?

Well, did you know that both Presidential candidates want to spend more money on new projects if they become President? According to a study I recently read, John McCain wants to spend about $92 billion more dollars then we currently are spending and Barak Obama wants to spend about $292 billion more than we are currently spending. But both candidates say that they won't increase our taxes. The evidence speaks for itself:

Money Grows On Trees!

In light of this news, I have decided to change my platform.

From this point on, I am replacing my plan to give every voter a free ipod and in it's place I will create a new better plan called the "No Child Shall Have To Work" plan.

Under this plan, I will give every US citizen 1 million dollars... no wait a second... since money grows on trees let's make that 20 million dollars.

Yes, you heard me right. Vote for me and every man, women and child in the United States (even illegal immigrants) will get 20 million dollars a piece.

I will create the first country where everyone is a millionaire. No resident of the United States will ever have to work another day in their lives. I will completely eliminate poverty in this country once and for all. The founding fathers would be so proud. Additionally, I will set up posh country clubs with golf courses in every neighborhood in the US. And we will never have another housing crisis in this country, because everyone will have plenty of money to pay their loans. In fact, since money grows on trees I am going to throw in a free mansion complete with maid service and a butler for every man and woman and child in this country.

This will be the greatest country EVER. If this doesn't get me elected I don't know what will!

So, remember when you go to the polls this November vote "George Brian Manty" for President.

Since I don't have a running mate yet, for now you can just write in Mickey Mouse as my running mate. I figure Mickey can sit around doing nothing as well as any other Vice President...

It's official - I am running for President in 2008

2008-07-15T18:38:00.000-07:00

I thought I wouldn't run for President in 2008, but I changed my mind. I am tired of this country being controlled by special interest groups that don't care about the welfare of this country!

So....

It's official I am running for President in 2008.

I will be running on the same platform I mentioned here before.

Watch the video below to see for yourself:

Yep, This is Why We Homeschool

2007-10-12T09:49:00.000-07:00

One of the many reasons we homeschool, is incidents like this.

If I were president the education system would change dramatically... no more creating sheep.

6 Steps to Happiness

2007-04-18T06:45:00.000-07:00

1. Go over to Google Maps at http://maps.google.com/.

2. Click on "Get Directions".

3. Type in "New York" for starting place.

4. Type in "London" for ending place.

5. Click "Get Directions".

6. You can either read the directions (which can be fun by itself) or if you just can't wait then scroll down to direction #23 and read it.

Pretty fun trip, eh?

Grassroots

2007-03-16T13:46:00.000-07:00

I just found this interesting site that encourages regular citizens, like you and me, to run for office. They have an interesting campaign platform reform that they are pushing.

Click here to check it out.

So maybe I should do this, eh?

Maybe I should ask them about their position on ants first...

Congress Doesn't Really Care About You

2007-01-12T18:01:00.000-08:00

How crazy is this...

I just read here that Congress has proposed a bill to help prevent people from contacting them through the many grassroots online campaigns that have started up over the past few years. They are tired of hearing from you. They don't care about what we really think.

That is just so wrong, it's not even funny!

Well, it might be funny if they were monkeys...

Top Ten Reasons to Elect me as President in 2008

2006-12-29T22:47:00.000-08:00

People are starting to position themselves to run in 2008. So I figure that if any of you were planning on starting a grass roots campaign to get me elected, now is the time to do so.

Therefore, I thought I would go ahead and list the top ten reasons you should elect me as your President in 2008.

So here goes:

10. I will make the day after the Super Bowl a natinonal holiday.

9. I would reduce poverty by closing down all the Walmarts around the country.

8. Every person around the world will get a 20 dollar gift certificate from the US. This will help improve the likeability of the US on an International level. (Thanks to David Letterman for this suggestion).

7. I will lead the US to victory over terrorism with my ant teleportation plan.

6. I will create a new government agency dedicated to the eradication of SPAM. The Anti-Spam Agency would start by instituting the National NO-SPAM week.

5. I will veto all silly/stupid laws that only benefit special interests and not the people.

4. I will institute Daylight Savings Time Year Round.

3. I will elminate ants from US soil!

2. *All US citizens will get a free ipod. Those of you voting more than once in the election will only recieve extra free ipods if your additional votes were cast for me.

1. I will Blog the Presidency!

So, there you go. If you need any more reasons just refer people to my unbeatable platform.

*If it will help get me elected we might even give out free ipods to people whose pets vote for me.

I Need to Learn How To Draw Cartoons

2006-12-21T07:12:00.000-08:00

Apparently, I need to learn how to draw cartoons in 2007. Because cartoonists will be taking over the world in 2007.

Maybe I can just convice one of them to let me run the US anyway...

No Child Left Behind - Football Version!

2006-11-17T12:35:00.000-08:00

My wife just emailed this to me. The author is unknown. It sums up how many teachers feel about the "No Child Left Behind" program. If you aren't a teacher and/or do not know much about athletics, especially football, then this might not make sense.

NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND ---The Football Version

1. All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If after two years they have not won the championship their footballs and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the championship.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents.

ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!

3. Talented players will be asked to work out on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in football, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like football.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th game.

It will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child gets left behind.

If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can screen out the non-athletes and prevent their children from having to go to school with bad football players.

PS. If I were elected President, the "No Child Left Behind" program would get left behind...

Democrat and Rebublicans take two years off?

2006-11-17T11:07:00.000-08:00

My brother just sent me this article on Yahoo. How funny!

If only it were true...

Candidate Wants to use Textbooks to Protect Against Bullets???

2006-10-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

I just had to write about this story. A candidate for state superintendent of schools in Oklahoma wants schools to buy THICK used textbooks for students to put under the desks. If there is a potential shooting situation, they could pull out those thick textbooks and use them as sheilds to protect against the bullets.

I could see a whole industry being created for this:

Bob's Used Books - the best shields in town!

Keep your kids safe - buy the strongest, widest, used books in town!

John's second hand books - when you want to make sure your kids make it home!

Our used books are reinforced with kevlar for extra protection!

I guess books aren't just for learning anymore. Uggh!

The smart way to keep people passive and obedient

2006-09-30T21:16:00.000-07:00

My wife just sent me a very interesting quote:

"The smart way to keep people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable opinion, but allow very lively debate within that spectrum." – Noam Chomsky, American linguist and U.S. media and foreign policy critic.

Isn't that American today? (Political correctness, etc...)

What do you think?

New York City is Crazy

2006-09-28T07:48:00.000-07:00

You may recall that I believe "Texas is better than New York", well I just saw further proof that this is true.

Apparently, New York City is considering banning trans fats. My wife Jill and her friend Laura have a blog that covers Natural Family News. So I am all for supporting and promoting better health. However...

What the heck???

Do the people in New York City's government not know that this is a FREE country?

I am so glad to be a Texan, because as long as we have our shotguns nobody will try to take away our french fries...

President of Three Countries at Once?

2006-09-27T10:32:00.000-07:00

Hey, I just read this article about a shadow government being created between the US, Mexico and Canada. It kind of makes sense to me. We should definitely consider improving our relationships with our two border countries. However, I am not sure that the methods being used don't violate our constitution (not that we pay much attention to the constitution anymore).

Anyway, the official government website is SPP.GOV. It's fairly interesting.

I wonder if I could just head up the SPP instead of becoming president of the US? Then I would be in charge of three countries!

Imagine that, the United States, Canada, and Mexico all would become...

Ant Free Countries!

Phew!

2006-09-25T13:22:00.000-07:00

Last month I mentioned that some of Oprah's fans want her to run for President.

Well, I just read some good news...

Oprah is not running for President! Phew, I still have a chance in 2008.

Big Brother All-Stars Fun

2006-09-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

My wife and I have a tv blog and I just wanted to let you know that if you watch Big Brother All Stars you are going to want to go see my latest post by clicking here. My wife came up with the idea for the post and I filled in the blanks and wrote it.

Hope you enjoy it...

Syria to enforce arms embargo - My official response

2006-09-01T07:27:00.000-07:00

I just read that UN president Annan says that Syria is going to enforce the arms embargo for Hezbollah, so that arms won't cross the Syria-Lebanon border into Hezbollah hands.

Ummmm...

Doesn't Syria want to arm Hezbollah? Don't they hate Israel?

It's like something you would see in a comic strip. I can hardly believe they are actually proposing this as if it is a good idea. Wow!

If I were President, I would have to blog about this proposal, because it's so ridiculous. I think my post might go something like this:

This morning my chief of staff woke me up a little early to let me know about this new proposal from the UN and Syria. About half way through the proposal I fell out of my bed laughing hysterically.

I guess since I have a blog they must think I am a freaking idiot. I mean come on...

You want Syria to stop Hezbollah from re-arming. Might as well put Iran in charge of it.

In fact, after hearing the proposal I was so fed up with Syria I called up the Secretary of Defense to see if we could come up with a good execuse to bomb the heck out of Damascus. He said no.

Anyway, Annan if you are reading this why don't you... Oh nevermind, I am going to go get my coffee now. I will let my press secretary handle our response.

Oh, wait a second, I get it. Annan is this a UN April's fool joke? I bet that's what it is. You got me, you silly man.

Yep, if I were President I would have written about this on my blog, no doubt about it.

My Wife Jill's Counter Theory on Spontaneous Combustion

2006-08-28T22:22:00.000-07:00

Last night, I told you about my theory on spontaneous combustion. Well, my wife Jill has a separate theory that describes what causes spontaneous human combustion.

Her first step for producing spontaneous human combustion is the same as my first step:

1. Person creates static electricity in their body. This can be done in a number of ways, but for the sake of argument let's say that said person rubs their feet around on a carpet (probably the most well known method of creating static electricity).

However, with Jill's theory in the second step the person holds in their gas and builds up massive amounts of internal gas. The combination of the person's growing levels of internal gas and static electricity causes the person to spontaneously combust.

In other words, Jill's theory looks like this:

Static electricity + held gas = spontaneous combustion

The problem with our theories is that if you try to prevent spontaneous combustion using my theory, you are going to hold your gas in. However, if Jill is correct that will cause you to spontaneously combust.

On the other hand, if you try to prevent spontaneous combustion using Jill's theory you would pass gas. Then if my theory is correct, you would spontaneously combust.

Hopefully, we will never find out which one of us is correct. I would hate to spontaneously combust because I didn't agree with my wife.

I strongly suggest that you never, ever, test out our theories. In fact, I will leave you with this...

WARNING: DO NOT TEST THESE THEORIES OUT AT HOME! NEITHER JILL MANTY OR GEORGE MANTY CAN BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RESULTS.

My Theory on Spontaneous Combustion

2006-08-28T20:49:00.000-07:00

I have been a little stressed at work lately, in order to de-stress I thought I would reveal my long held theory on the cause of spontaneous combustion.

Spontaneous combustion is this strange phenomenon where a person spontaneously bursts into flames. Nobody knows how spontaneous combustion works. However, I have a theory and now it's time to reveal my theory to the world.

In my theory, there are two steps needed to cause spontaneous combustion:

Step 1. Person creates static electricity in their body. This can be done in a number of ways, but for the sake of argument let's say that said person rubs their feet around on a carpet (probably the most well known method of creating static electricity).

Now, the person has stored up a lot of static electricity but has not released it yet.

Step 2. Prior to releasing the static electricity person passes gas.

At this point person spontaneously combusts.

Pretty simple:

Static electricity + passed gas = spontaneous combustion

I know what you are thinking:

A person with such a brilliant theory should definitely be elected President (or something like that)...

Hezbollah Won

2006-08-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

I have been very busy lately, but today I a took a look at the cease fire agreement and the bottom line is that Israel signed yet another unenforceable agreement. The language is very weak and the bottom line is...

Hezbollah won and Israel lost!

Long term this probably means more bloodshed and loss of life when the next war takes place. If I were President, I would never have agreed to this cease fire. You don't have to be a lawyer to see that the agreement is a waste of paper.

It's time to send the ants to Tehran...

Hope this doesn't Happen

2006-08-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

It would be hard enough to run against a politician, but a star like Oprah...

Yikes! No way will I run for President if it's against Oprah.

See details here.

Truth in Media Part 2

2006-08-14T20:54:00.000-07:00

Ok, I just finished writing about the way the media twists the truth and then I see this headline from the AP:

Rockets hit Lebanon despite cease-fire

And I think to myself, "Oh my goodness why did Israel start bombing Lebanon again."

So I open up the report and lo and behold it's not Israel that is bombing Lebanon, but Hezbollah! Hezbollah fired 10 rockets into souther Lebanon, but Israel didn't respond because they didn't hit Israel.

How freaking decieving was that headline? It did get me to read the story though...

David Letterman's Solution To World Politics

2006-08-14T20:50:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here watching David Letterman, and he just revealed his plan to change world opinion about the United States. I think it's brilliant!

Dave said that we should send everyone a 20 dollar gift certificate to Target.

Pretty good plan, I wonder if it would work? I may have to add it to my platform...

Photo Fraud - Media Spin - Where's the Truth?

2006-08-14T08:52:00.000-07:00

This video is an interesting look into some of the journalistic fraud in the war in Lebanon. It just makes me wonder how much of this kind of thing happens on a daily basis when the media isn't reporting about wars?

It reminds me a little bit of how my wife was misquoted by the Washington Post in an interview she did. A while back Jill was interviewed by the Washington Post for an article on blogging (click here to see article). The article made her out to be a sports fanatic. While that did make the story slightly more interesting, Jill is in no way, shape or form a sports fanatic.

Can you really believe what you read?

If I were President, I would want to pass a law that required the media to spin everything in a positive direction for me. If I misspell a word, I don't want the media to turn me into that guy who couldn't spell tomato. Instead I prefer that the media mention how I won my elementary school spelling bee two years in a row and my spelling is truly phenomenal.

Some Lebanese - Just Say No to Hezbollah

2006-08-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

From the media accounts I have seen of the war in Lebanon, it seems like most of the Lebanese citizens support Hezbollah. This is clearly not the case.

Something I have not heard about on the news are the people in Lebanon that DON'T want to have anything to do with Hezbollah.

Just the other day, I read an email from someone on one of my homeschooling lists that sheds some light on the circumstances from the non-Hezbollah supporters in Lebanon. In the email, the person was talking about her sister-in-law who lives in Lebanon.

They are doing a lot of work to help others in their town. Their town is taking in many people displaced from the fighting, who are seeking refuge.

The really interesting thing about this town is that they have taken up arms. This town has armed themselves in order to drive off Hezbollah should Hezbollah guerrillas attempt to move into positions in their town to launch missiles at the Israelis.

Their town does not want to be used as a human shield.

They have no intention of being caught in the crossfire and have decided to stand up to Hezbollah should Hezbollah coming a knocking.

I wonder if the International media will ever talk about towns like this one, that have decided to "Just Say No" to Hezbollah?