neurotic Iraqi wife

A Heavenly Peace...

2009-09-12T11:35:00.003+03:00

Yes its been long. Very long. But tragedy has hit home. When I was in my twenties, I had vowed to never go to a funeral or a gathering of women mourning. NEVER. My heart couldnt take it after witnessing my fifty year old cousin pass away. Yet 3 weeks ago I see myself in the middle of it all. Three weeks ago, I was the one wailing. The one pulling my hair. Three weeks ago, I was the one falling to the ground begging people to bring my father back. Back to me. On the 21st of Aug my father passed. Passed to the other world.

As I write these words, my heart wrenches for him. My heart aches for him. Aches for his touch, for his beautiful luminous smile. Aches for his soothing words. My heart aches for his eyes, his deep blue sea eyes. The love of my life is gone. GONE. Yet my mind still doesnt want to believe it. I honestly dont believe that I will never see him again. I dont believe that his index finger will never circle my swelling belly again. I dont believe that he will never hug me, will never squish me between his arms. I dont believe that he wont meet my babies. The babies that he was so eager to meet, to hold, to touch, to play with. My dad left us but I know he fought really hard to stay for us.

Till this day we dont know what exactly happened. He was diagnosed with advanced cancer back in late June. And in less than 2 months he was gone. Some doctors said he was doing very well, others said he only had a few weeks. A FEW WEEKS starting from end of Aug. WHERE THE HELL ARE THE FEW WEEKS!!!WHERE??? We know something went wrong somewhere. We know it in our hearts. They did a mistake, and my dad was the victim. I have so much anger inside, so much hatred towards these ignorant doctors. But whats the point. It will never bring my father back. It will never heal our bleeding hearts. NEVER.

Yes I vowed a long time ago, yet here I am, in the middle of all of this, wailing, begging strangers to bring my dad back. We visited him a few times, and every time I go, I cant believe how can such a strong man end up under the ground, under the ground with the scorching sun above him, and the ants crawling all over. HOW?How and Why?It was his birthday on the 9th. We took a cake, sang for him Happy Birthday, but as I started to say the words Happy, my voice cracked and my tears kept flowing over the dirt. I couldnt continue. I just couldnt. I so wanted my dad to be the one singing with us, I so wanted him to blow his own candles.

At night I stay awake thinking, if only he waited. If only he waited a few more weeks. If only he waited to see my babies. My babies that are due soon. If Only...Who is gonna pamper them now? Who is gonna tease them? Oh how much I miss my dad. How much I crave for his tenderness. For his vision. His vision of a better Iraq. A unified Iraq. As we were going through his papers, we found so many charities he was giving to, so many donations he had made, yet he never ever uttered a word. So many families he helped, so many children he fed and paid for their education. How can we live upto such a man. How can we be like him? But I know that its our duty to continue his legacy. Its our responsibility to continue in his footsteps.

Dad, you are always here, here with us. Here in our hearts, our hearts and minds. I know you will be there smiling over me, smiling over me, when Im having your grandsons. I know you will bless them with your kindness. Yes dad, I will be waiting for you. Waiting for your scent to pass by me, by us just like it did the other day. I know you are here. And I know you are in heaven. Rest in Peace...A Heavenly Peace...

The Neurotic Iraqi Mom...

2009-05-08T14:40:00.005+03:00

The cries of that lady startled me. I so wanted to go and talk to her. Talk to her and tell her all is gonna be ok. All is gonna be fine, but I just couldnt. I couldnt move. I was stuck. Stuck on that hard bed wired to that heavy IV drip. I couldnt muster the energy. I looked around me and I too began to cry. I was lying there immobile, in that morbid place, ALONE. Separating us was a curtain. A dull patterned curtain. Everything in that place smelt sterile, felt sterile. How many cries did these walls witness. How many whimpers did these curtains see.

I touched my belly ever so softly, "tell me youre gonna be just fine" I whispered. I repeated the words but this time with urgency, "Please tell me youre gonna be fine" I begged. But I know theyre fighters. Theyre my fighters. Theyre fighters just like their mom. I prayed for I dont know how long until I guess I dozed off. Then the mobile rang. I woke up with a jolt, Its HUBBY. Oh how I wished he was here with me, with us.

I wanted time to pass. I wanted to get out of there. Whenever they brought in those food trays I just pushed it away. I didnt feel like eating. But then I remembered. Its not just me now. I have 2 more mouths to feed. Theyve probably been traumatized as well. So I picked on those boiled carrots and shoved them in my mouth. Then I took a bite from that piece of broiled fish. I wanted to spit it out so badly, but I chewed it so fast and gulped it down. Its not just me now. I have two more mouths to feed, I reminded myself.

They day I was released was like a dream. Wow, I can actually see the daylight. I can see the sun. No more pale dull curtains isolating me from the world. No more painful IV tubes stuck in my veins. No more lonely cries. The relief, the relief I tell you is beyond any I have known. At the same time, the worry is still there. "You have a high risk pregnancy" Words that keep resonating in my ears. "You can lose them anytime" Ughhh I so despise these words. I so despise the constant fear Im in. But again, I know. I know theyre fighters. I know that God is watching over them. God is guarding them.

And no this isnt just a story Im telling, nor a dream. Nor is it a nightmare that my subconsious mind has made up. This is a reality. Here I am sitting typing this post, and looking at my cute rounded belly. And yes it is cute, for I never thought EVER after all these years of dreaming, of hoping, that I will finally have my own children. My own beautiful kids. And yes, inside there is not just one, but two. Two little munchkins waiting for their time to come to be released into this world, into my arms. And my arms are so ready to have them, to hold them, to embrace them.

Im no longer just a wife. The Neurotic Iraqi Wife. Im now a Mom. The Neurotic Iraqi Mom....

The Best All Around Soldier...

2009-03-26T16:02:00.003+02:00

Wow, its been ages hasn’t it!!! I do apologize to all my loyal readers, never thought I’d find so many comments, cant even catch up. Did not think I would be missed, its nice to know, thank you! Don’t worry I havent died yet, lol.

Well I did get my eye back, and managed to squirm away from an operation that the Dr wanted to carry out on me. There was no way in hell I would allow a scalpel near my eye. I know Im crazy, but umm not THAT crazy. So here I am disobeying doctor’s orders and wearing my lenses again. I think the infection or whatever I had subsided and I no longer have the valkyrie eye, yaaaaaaaaaaay.

So what happened in the last 2 months. Lets see, nothing too interesting. People mentioned the octo mum, and actually I was enthralled with that story. Not sure how I feel about it but I was shocked to see how she was attacked by the public. Cmon, if someone wants a big family then let it be. Whats the big deal? I have read so much about IVF, and the chances of all embryos implanted turning into babies is really slim, she took the chance, and she was lucky enough to have what she wanted. So don’t give her slack.

I don’t remember anyone giving our forefathers slack when they had 10 or 11 kids. Almost all the old families in Iraq had over 10 or 11 children, never once did I hear my mom tell me that authorities got involved with them, or people were angered, so why this? Is it because much of the money will come from tax payers money? Hell, its better to pay for new lives, than paying for all the darn wars and the millions of children that got killed in them, don’t you agree? That’s just my 2 pence on this.

As for my own personal life, going to Doctors has become the norm. Having blood tests done and check ups became part of my daily life, isn’t it fun? Ofcourse everytime I go in to have my blood drawn, I have my cliché words ready “Hi, Im scared from needles, can you please be gentle and use the butterfly needle” One guy, just didn’t seem to understand these words, he simply threw the needle like a dart right in my vein. OH MY GOD. I was soooooooo going to kill him. I still remember his name, marlow. Thank god HUBBY was with me, or else I would have stuck that needle in his eye! I felt my eyes welling up, the a******. Ughhhh

Apart from my medical issues which aren’t really life threatening, Im doing fine. Needed to take a break from many things including blogging. I felt I was sounding like an old broken record with all my ailments taking place, infact I sounded like an old hag and Im only 34!!! As for Iraqi news, I stopped watching it and reading about it. Ever since I saw the result of the elections which were so predictable, I gave up. I dislike the govt, and will never change my mind. But a new phenomena is taking place due to the improved security.

Many Iraqis from all over the world, who havent been to Iraq yet, have started this strange exodus back. I don’t mean moving back there, but just going and visiting. A few relatives of mine have gone back and thought Baghdad was just amazing. They loved every minute of their 2 week stay. A woman who lived in California for almost all her life visited Najaf and called it the Paris of the Middle east. Umm, not sure how can Najaf one of the holiest cities in the world be compared to Paris, but those were her own words. How can women in abbayas be compared to women in mini joup? Maybe too much excitement just disillusioned her.

Many of those who are going back have been suffering from the horrid economical crisis and are there to sell off whatever they have there. You can still get millions of dollars for land and properties, so it’s a good savior if you are in desperate need. My own father refuses to sell anything. He says he wants to keep his ties in his country. Umm, what ties dad? We barely have anyone left there. But I guess for my dad it’s a different story. His land was inherited from his own father, and I think by selling he feels he is betraying that trust.

The economic crisis has finally hit AD. Ofcourse no media is allowed to mention it, and the govt keeps calming people down by telling them everything is ok. Everything is NOT ok. In Dubai they already have let go of so many expats, and from what my friend tells me, the streets aren’t as busy as they used to be. The malls are empty and real estate prices have gone so low, people who have cash to play with are taking the opportunity, while those who were caught up with the buying fever last year, are stuck with no means of repaying back and have no choice but to sell real low or just wait it out. Others have left long ago, leaving behind their newly purchased cars that they cant payback at the airport parking. Its so so sad.

As for AD, its catching up. Many are being let go and are waiting for the schools to end so they can leave. Property prices are still high in AD, and everyone is waiting for the summer, rumour has it rents will also go down drastically so everyone is waiting for that moment. I thank god that I still have my job. My boss did me an amazing favour, and I am ever so grateful.

I did get an email from one of my bosses in Baghdad asking me to go over there for a few weeks, but I refused. Maybe if this was back in Dec or Jan I would have gone, but now things have changed, and with all my medical mishaps Id rather be in a place where they can tend to me, there is no way Im taking that chance. What a pity though, would have loved to go back and see my friends and coworkers for I still do miss a few of them. But major changes are also taking place over there.

The buildings we are in which are based in the GZ are now going back to the Iraqi Govt. Everyone needs to be evacuated and gone to some base by the next coming months. I got an email saying that many will be forced to stay in trailers shared with 2 others, plus there isn’t going to be the luxury of having ones bathroom, instead its going to be a communal one. YUCK. Thank god I left when I did. First off, there is no way Id share a room with anyone, secondly, there is no way in hell Id use a bathroom that’s been used by 30 or 50 others. NO WAY! Yeah call me spoilt, but that’s just me.

On a final note, do you guys remember the “vibrator” girl I once wrote about? (Sorry have to find the link of that post) Well, she has been in the States for over a year now after getting her special immigration visa. I got an email from a frined of mine that said : Hey guys...remember L??? She has joined the Army and will be going back to Iraq as an interpreter. I heard she graduated from Advanced Individual Training at Ft. Jackson, SC and was awarded as "The Best All Around Soldier."

Wow, isn’t that great news? She used to be one of those lost souls who just couldn’t feel free in her own country. Was harassed by her countrymen and threatened by the militia. Her family boycotted her because she was working in the GZ, yet harassed her with phonecalls to pay them money. Ughhh. Im so happy for her. Here’s to L, L, The Best All Around Soldier!

The Valkyrie Eye…

2009-01-26T15:18:00.002+02:00

Im taking a break from politics, hence look elsewhere for juicy stuff. Right now Im typing and reading with one eye. Yup one eye. I feel like Im taking Tom Cruise’s part in his latest movie Valkyrie sans the black eye patch. I still don’t know what the optician called it, but umm the minute he stared at my eyes through his machine, the first words he uttered were “OH SHIT” I mean how professional can one be.

I sat there with my chin sticking out flickering my eyes. “What is it Dr? Is it THAT bad?” He didn’t even bother replying, instead he ushered my HUBBY and asked him to take a look. Hmmm, is this some kinda male conspiracy? HELLOOOOO this is my eye youre staring at, and I need to know. My HUBBY was far more polite and instead of the “Oh shit” he was like “Oh wow”. Ok great, thanks for making me feel at ease.

After that fiasco I was told that I had an extreme phase of some kinda contact lens infection, had I waited one more day, I woulda gone blind (Doctor’s exact words). Hmmm, that’s extremely re-assuring Dr. That’s what I love about Middle Eastern Doctors, they have such a way with words, it truly amazes me.

So yeah right now Im on killer antibiotics and some weird gel that I have to stick in my eye every five hours. Wooohoooo. Oh and to top it all off, I cant wear my contacts for weeks to come, thank god I have trendy glasses on. All this got me thinking. Ever since I left Baghdad things have gone down hill. Hmmm, maybe I should think of going back. Actually there’s something that is kinda worrying me, and relaying it here will probably make people think Im crazy. Did I say Crazy? Whats new, I am Neurotic after all. So here goes.

Ever since I was young and even now, everytime I had my coffee cup read, I was told I had evil eyes (il 3ain) on me. Hence my obsession with wearing the evil eye to ward off any evil. I wear a bunch of bracelates with cute coloured eye crystals, I wear a choker like necklace that my eldest sister gave me on my birthday, I have a blue stone along with the word Allah dangling from my watch, everything I can find with the eye on it, I just use it. On our last trip to Turkey, I bought a cute ceramic fridge magnet, yup an eye. It lasted on the fridge four months, UNTIL. Until the day before I traveled to Amman. Out of the blue without even touching the fridge, the eye fell and broke in two halves!!! Can you believe this shit? I just stood there, my mouth agape, staring at the broken pieces in disbelief.

I freaked out. Freaked out big time and called both my mom and my sister. You see, evil eyes and envy is written in our Quran and some hadiths and I really do believe in it. My mom and sis freaked out as well, lol. Didn’t really make things easier on me, as I wanted them to say positive stuff. My mom, the pious woman she is, asked me to recite a specific verse many times and hope for the best. This is exactly what I did and I forgot about the whole thing.

But with all the mis-haps that’s taking place with me right now, my operation (long story, some other time), my blasting headaches, my eye infection, my hair going all weird on me, all within a month from the eye breaking, I do believe that someone, somewhere is casting the evil eye spell on me. My question is, why? Why me? Theres nothing to envy me about. Nothing to be jealous from. A BIG FAT NOTHING. Ughhhhh

Sorry, just needed to vent as HUBBY doesn’t believe in this stuff. He thinks Im crazy and that I take things into extremes. Umm HUBBY, Im sorry, but an eye breaking out of the blue is no joke. I did google it though second it happened (Don’t you just love Google). Some articles said that an eye breaking means it did all it can do to ward off the evil. Oh great. What about the rest of the evil? Now what?

Oh well, evil or no evil, for now, I just have one functioning eye :(, The Valkyrie Eye…

An Obama Day...

2009-01-20T21:29:00.003+02:00

Yes, Im watching it. Isnt it amazing. I was bummed out when he stammered on his oath. Funny enough just before he started repeating the oath, I turned to HUBBY and said, watch how perfect he will say the words, he probably trained for this day a million times. Ummm, I guess I was wrong and HUBBY just rolled his eyes... :)

The speech though was just amazing. I liked it and dont really care what others might think. Im sure today many Americans are really proud to be Americans. About time too. On my personal facebook, many of my Iraqi ex-Coworkers who got their special Immigration Visas and have long been settled in the US, set their statuses a few days ago by thanking Bush for the life changing opportunity. Others though had "Hoping Obama will bring sunshine back to Iraq" on theirs.

Yeah I guess many are hopeful while others arent too optimistic. Im just keeping my fingers crossed. Lets see what he will bring on. I chatted with a few of my work colleagues back in Iraq. I was told many changes are taking place at work, and there are plans for many to leave and work on reachback just like me with one exception, they will have an office to work from and not imprisoned in a flat 24/7. Im not so sure how long they will keep me doing what Im doing. I think my time will be up pretty soon. Are the changes a direct result of Obama winning?

Oh and me being the financial analyst that I am, decided to give HUBBY some advice and said, "hey HUBBY, why dont you buy some shares, I bet you on inaugaration day everything will go green" Umm, just an hour ago he told me he is down big time. Oooooops, hehe. I guess I may have to take my masters degree again. Atleast he was smiling when he said it, someone else would have probably strangled me. But it did seem logical for shares to go up wonder why it didnt...Does anyone know?

I better get going, I dont feel like writing a long post today. I wanna continue watching Obama and just enjoy the scenes afore me. Today is a nice day. An Obama Day...

Children of Shoes...

2009-01-12T11:12:00.004+02:00

HUBBY has gone back to Iraq. I asked him about the sentiments there of whats going on in Gaza. “The Iraqis here can care less” He said. Although I did see on the news some protests were held there due to the Israeli offensive, I doubt that the average Iraqi is moved by all this. They have their own problems to deal with.

A few days ago I had to attend some family lunch that my parents were hosting. I wasn’t really up to it but I had to go. As we sat down chitchatting, a few mobile phones beeped simultaneously. “Please donate to Gaza at such and such banks” One of the ladies read the message out loud. She then threw her phone in dismay at the table. “Why should I care about Gaza” She said “While my own country is suffering. What did the Palestinians do for us Iraqis when my people were getting killed by the hundreds” She continued. “Let them go to hell”

I was in shock. “But Khala (Aunti), these are humans dying, not animals. Surely you can be more compassionate” She had a very hard look on her face. She took out a cigarette, lit it, inhaled, then exhaled and shook her head and said “Neurotica, Iraqis are humans too. Do you know what they (Palestinians) did in Iraq? Do you know how the preyed on us when Saddam was in power. I don’t give a damn about these people. They elected their government so let them suffer the consequences”

Another woman joined in and said “She is right Neurotica. You know where the money is going? Its not going to the victims, it will end up in Hamas’s hands, and surely Hamas will buy weapons. All this is propaganda. No, not a single penny from MY own hard earned money is going there, Id rather spend it on the Orphans of Iraq. Half the millionaires in the Emirates are Palestinians, why don’t THEY help their OWN people?” Then she said, “Hamas don’t even care about their own people, theyre sitting comfortably in Syria and Lebanon while their people burn”

As I was about to voice my own opinion another lady said “You forgot what they did to our country Neurotica? To our People? They sent suicide bombers, they joined so called “Jihad” groups and killed hundreds even thousands of our people. They backed Zarqawi, that criminal man” Again as I tried to say something, a few teenage girls (daughters of another woman) announced they were leaving to join the protests. “What protests?” we asked. “There is a protest here in AD” They answered while they fixed their Palestinian scarves around their necks. The women rolled their eyes and shot the girls’ mother an evil look.

“How can you let them go?” The mother shrugged and said, its their choice, and I wont stop them. I just got up and left the table for I knew that the poor mom was going to be lectured. The conversation was already draining me. I went into the kitchen instead and stole a few of the yummy spring rolls my mom prepared and munched away.

To be honest the Palestinian cause was never something of a priority to me or my family. Ever since I was a child I knew of their war, of their suffering, but it was Iraq that I yearned for and not Palestine. Afterall it is Iraq that I was born in. Its Iraqi blood that I have running through my veins. And umm I dont believe in the so called "Arab Nationalism" shit. Anyone who says THEY are, are to me nothing but a bunch of hypocrites and liars.

Nonetheless, I dislike violence. I still think that the massacres in Gaza must stop. And stop NOW. This is probably going to be the last post I write on this subject. On another note, what happened to Iraq? The media has completely forgotten about Iraq. Maybe we should call back Al Zaidi to organize a shoe marathon. That will probably get their attention once again. Aaaaaah yes, atfal il hijara (children of stones) will soon be substituted by a completely different phenomena. A different group of children. Children of Shoes…

The 21st Century Murderers...

2009-01-05T21:50:00.003+02:00

I just found out about the death of a school friend of mine in Gaza. This post is for everyone who thinks the Gaza massacre is justifiable. This is for everyone who believes human life, especially the Arab human life is cheap. CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP.

NO, human life is NOT cheap. The Gazans have every right to live. Every right to live just like you and me. Had the situation been reversed and it was Israelis that were bombarded with rockets, with images of Israeli childrens’ brains gutted out on the TV, WILL YOU THINK THE SAME??? Will you fucking say that this war is fucking justified??? I don’t think so. Every human life is as valuable as the other. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Be it an Arab, a Muslim, a Christian A Jew. Be it Palestinian, be it Iraqi, be it Israeli. EVERY SINGLE ONE.

Millions of people all over the world have been protesting the massacres in Gaza. Are all these people WRONG? They have gone out of their way, in blistery cold weather to make their voices heard, are these people wrong??? You, whoever you are, YOU, yes YOU who think all people in Gaza are Hamas, should go there and see who is it being killed, Who is it being slaughtered. Who is it being murdered!!!

The images I see day in day out is not part of a sci fi movie. Oh no. I wish it was. I swear to god I wish it was just a movie. I wish the brains that was splattered on that hospital bed was just some playdo stuck on a dummy’s head for special effects. BUT GOD DAMN IT IT ISNT. OK!!! IT ISNT.

Im not saying Hamas is right. Im not a supporter of Hamas or any organization that deals with violence. But at the same time THIS SHOULD STOP. IT SHOULD STOP NOW. What did my school friend do? What was his fault? Why did he die? He died as a result of this inhumane war. BOTH SIDES ARE WRONG.

I don’t give a damn why this war started in the first place. Nothing, nothing whatsoever justifies kids dying. NOTHING. This post is for every single ignorant person who supports Israel’s current actions. And then you sit and wonder why do people hate us? Why do people dislike us. This is exactly why. You sit and wonder why people want to kill us? All these kids, the kids that have been orphaned, the kids who woke up having no family around will grow up thinking of ways to take revenge. And you wonder why suicide bombers do what they do in your part of the world. Bloody hell even people in other countries are asking to go fight in Gaza...This is exactly what happens as a result of unjustifiable violence.

The images that the Arab world are watching on their TV will move every single person to do something. I doubt you see what we are watching, so stop wondering why this hatred. Why this anger.

Im sorry, but violence can only give birth to more hatred. More violence. More innocent lives gone. Gone just like that. Even my belief in Obama has disappeared. I cant believe he continued playing god damn golf, so calmly, when the rest of the world was boiling with anger. When women and children were being bombarded and getting killed. Yeah I know he isn’t officially the president yet. But why didn’t he atleast comment. Atleast condemn the actions. Ok forget condemning, why didn’t he say he atleast “feels bad” with whats going on in Gaza???????But no, Scoring that hole was by far more important.

Shame on you. Shame on everyone who thinks this is right. Everyone who thinks Israel or any country can do this and get away with it. Whats funny is I know that Israel will get away with it. Like they always do. They have proved to be as bad as all these extremists who don’t believe in human life. Who don’t believe in the right of others to live. They might as well kill us all and have the world to themselves. Right now, to me they are as bad as Hamas as bad as Muqtada, as bad as Al Qaeda.

They say this is to protect them from further aggression from Hamas. Alas, that’s what I used to hear in Baghdad. Muqtada firing mortars and rockets to protect Iraqis from Americans, when in reality nearly a million Iraqis were killed in the war. Al Qaeda said and did the same. They wanted to get the so called occupier out, yet they bombed street markets, and schools. Yeah to me, theyre all the same. ALL are MURDERERS! The 21st Century Murderers!!!

Chaotic Mayhem of the Middle East...

2008-12-31T15:35:00.003+02:00

We have been travelling hence the lack of posts. Our travel coincided with the atrocities in Gaza. As we got into the cab from the airport to our way to the hotel, we heard the news on the radio that was blasted so high with the latest news. I only realized how bad things were in Gaza when I immediately switched the TV on in our room. WOW.

The images only reminded me of Iraq. Of Lebanon. The graphic pictures of bloodied corpses of children shrouded in white being paraded in the streets made my tears stream down my cheeks. I am not a mother, yet I could feel their pain. I could feel their outrage. WHY, WHY I kept asking. Why do this. Im definitely not a Hamas supporter, but why this. Why innocent people?

Every cab we got into, the popular Quranic verses were substituted by the news. Every shop we entered had the TV's on with the same images over and over again. I came here to try and relax, yet I feel my blood boiling. HUBBY wanted to go to some Iraqi place to celebrate the New Years, we had already gotten the tickets, but to be honest I wasnt really upto going anywhere. I just wanted to stay in the room, watch TV and sleep.

As we were sitting in the Lobby killing some time, an American reporter asked if it was ok to interview us. "I saw you guys reading an English Newspaper, can I ask you a few questions about the New Years?" She asked. HUBBY was reluctant, he doesnt like to do the talking. As for me, I didnt mind one bit. And so when asked what we thought about celebrations being cancelled here because of the Gaza news, I immediately answered that its only appropriate. How can people especially here in the Middle East feel happy when their fellow Arabs are suffering. When their fellow Arabs are being slaughtered in daylight. No, definitely its not a time to be joyous.

Coincidently as we were talking to her, the restaurant we were supposed to go to, called us and said the New Years do was cancelled. Yes thats the best way. The mood is somber everywhere. Even in the malls, all you hear people talk about is whats going on in Gaza. Many have the Palestinian scarves wrapped around them showing solidarity. We even witnessed some protests, but to me protests mean nothing. Nothing at all. Ive seen it before the Iraq war almost 6 years ago. I was one of them. Yet what did it achieve? It achieved nothing. Nothing at all.

Im not gonna say Im disgusted with the Arab governments response, or the lack of it. For Im not surprised. Not surprised at all. As one cab driver put it, Arabs are traitors, and rightly so. Arab jarab. Really. They stopped caring long time ago. Why cant people live in peace? Why cant they just move on. Why keep battling over a piece of land, kill hundreds of thousands of people, devastate families when both can live together on it. Im not even gonna play the blame game. Both sides are wrong. Violence will only harbour more violence, more deaths. More corpses.

Im gonna keep it at that for Im sick. Sick and tired of the Middle East. The Chaotic Mayhem of the Middle East...

The SuShi Stomach...

2008-12-22T15:48:00.003+02:00

One of the very first questions HUBBY asked me before we even got married was “Do you know how to cook Neurotica?” Sure I do was my answer. And I wasn’t lying either. He didn’t specify what he meant by “cooking” nor did I, Lol.

This past Eid had a different flavour to it. It coincided with my birthday and so HUBBY decided to fly from Iraq and spend it with me. Every morning he wakes up and says “so what you cooking for me today?” I just go all frantic and say “Umm we are actually going to my parents” hehe. For I later discovered that frying an egg, or slapping a few frozen burgers on the grill or even boiling pasta does NOT count as “cooking” from his perspective. To cook for him is to do everything from scratch. Yup, EVERYTHING. Unfortunately the parents trick didnt last for long :(

I used to be a vegetarian for over 7 years, and the only thing I cooked while I lived in London, was this vegetarian lasagna dish which I learnt from one of the many cook books I had bought. But umm vegetarian and HUBBY do not go along. HUBBY wants REAL cooking. Real Iraqi food. Food that his mom used to prepare for him.

My own mom was a fussy cook (Still is), she never allowed us in the kitchen (Sounds too familiar, eh) hence we never were able to learn anything from her. Come today, and if HUBBY craves for anything, I just get it over the net, or ask my mom for it. Now mind you, even though Iraqi food is all the same, every house hold differs in the way they cook things. And theres a huge difference between Shia cooking and Sunni cooking (depending on the area). Yup, some have their broths in red sauce, others have it mostly in a whitish sauce. Some look brown, others look green. And that’s where my dilemma starts. Im a Shia and HUBBY is a Sunni…

So pleasing HUBBY’s palate has become a major challenge and the source of our daily conversations. “Neurotica, that’s not the way my mom used to do it” He would say after I have attempted following my OWN mother’s way. “HUBBY, sweety, Im NOT your mom, besides that’s how MY mom does it and that’s the taste Im used to since I was a kid” And the war of the Sunni Shia debates begins, lol.

I have to admit, its like a learning curve for me and HUBBY is my little guinea pig. I have discovered amazing recipe websites, mimicooks.com. The website really helped especially its video part. So now, whenever HUBBY asks me for a specific dish, I tell him “Hold on, lemme check it on Mimi’s” So far I have succeeded in 2 dishes., thanks Mimi!!! Another website that I absolutely love is this Desert Candy It taught me how to prepare a typical wintery neutral (not Shiaa, not Sunni ie SuShi in my own terms) Iraqi dish (Shalgham) And wow, for the first time, HUBBY’s belly was extremely pleased. Pleased with me and the Sunni/Shia debate was forgotten. Yaaaaaaaaaaay.

So yeah, as you can see I have been extremely busy. Juggling between work and learning to cook. Three successful dishes is not bad for someone who has been married for almost 5 years and still feels like a new bride ;) I guess this is all preparation for whats yet to come, IF HUBBY ever decides to leave Iraq and live with me that is. In the meantime, Im gonna try and learn more “SuShi” recipes, hoping, maybe just maybe he will have a change of heart. Its true what they say, the way to a Man’s Heart is through his stomach. And in this instance its through HUBBY’s stomach. The SuShi Stomach…

Their Days of Fear...

2008-12-18T09:35:00.003+02:00

Lets forget about shoes for now, cause honestly I have really Od’d on the whole shoe throwing subject. Now on to something completely different. I received an email from an ex colleague of mine, she is a little ol lady from South Carolina that used to work with me in Baghdad 2 years ago. We always kept intouch, and she always used to send me emails checking up on my safety when the whooshes galore were taking place earlier this year in the GZ. There wasn’t a single day that she didn’t send an email requiring a short reply of “Im ok, Im alive”

She left our previous employer because of the whole bureaucracy issue. She just couldn’t handle it, and now she is back in the States. M is 65 and reminded me so much of the character in the Arabic cartoon I used to watch as a kid, Mrs Spoon (sayyida mil3a8a). And because of her age, no matter how much she used to curse, and God, did that woman curse, no one really got upset, LOL.

A little excerpt from her email:
"Now...on to good news. X is coming to my house tonight for dinner and an overnight....than my husband and I will put him on a plane to go home to California. He is now in the US Army as a language interpreter! He has not told his family for their safety, so keep this info between you and hubby.

Y is also in the same program. She has had a rough time of it so I am especially proud of her for coming through all of this and working hard. She told me that you left the previous employer because you defended one of the Iraqi kids and how they were being treated so badly. Thanks for doing that. I should have been stronger and stayed to try to help. I am glad you are out of there, and readjusting. Wish I was coming to AD."

Many of the Iraqis who left on the Special immigration visa program to the States, were highly educated engineers. And for them to end up as interpreters for the Army is just too sad. Im not belittling interpreter’s jobs, on the contrary, I think they are true heroes for taking that kind of responsibility and putting themselves in grave danger. I raise my hat to them. But I would have rather seen those who left learn new fresh skills, instead of using the ones they already have. I can safely say about 90% of them ended up in that program as a last resort after losing all hope in finding a job that can feed their families.

Im not knowledgeable enough about the perks and the benefits they’d get as interpreters in the Army, hopefully its well worth it. Because honestly leaving behind everything, everything from families, to houses, to friends, and most importantly ones own country is NOT something you do so easily. But they had to leave. They had to, for their own survival and their own sanity.

I hooked up with many of them on facebook. And wow, the transformations were just amazing especially among the single young guys. Id sit for hours on end browsing their photos, and their new found life. Some even look more American than Americans themselves which makes me chuckle. Chuckle in a good way. Finally, finally gone are the days. Their Days of Fear...

The Flying Iraqi Shoes...

2008-12-15T17:36:00.003+02:00

I was gonna post something completely different but after the news, I have to write about this. Yup with freedom comes shoes. I didn’t even know of the incident until my sister called me up this afternoon and told me “you saw what happened last night” I was clueless, I had no idea what she was on about. “WHAT” I kept on asking. “What happened, tell me” She said “Neurotica, you must be joking. I cant believe you don’t know. Bush was hurled with shoes from a journalist” WTH!!! At first the words didn’t register.

“Please repeat what you just said sis, Bush who?” “Whats wrong with you Neurotica? Bush, Bush was in Iraq and was hurled with shoes” OMG. I couldn’t believe my ears. I ran to the TV and switched to al Jazeera. Lo and behold, the scenes were repeated infront of my eyes! OH MY GOD. I was in total shock. Darn, I slept early last night and missed out…

To say I wasn’t amused would be a total lie. For I was. That guy has balls. HUBBY on the other hand, yup he is here, wasn’t amused by the whole thing. He took it personally and said, “that journalist just tainted all Iraqis. He is stupid and low. He could have done it in another way, like maybe embarrass Bush with questions etc, but NOT hurl shoes at him”. Im sorry HUBBY but I think its funny. Im not laughing at Bush nor at the icy cold Maliki but am laughing at the whole situation. For never ever in the history of Iraq, did this happen to a world leader. NEVER. Good ducking reaction though I have to admit. But for Bush to say this is just proof of freedom makes me laugh even more. Yup with freedom comes shoes…

This immediately took me down to memory lane back to when I was a child. Although I wasn’t really one of those loud kids, but I dunno why my play time ALWAYS started the minute my dad steps into his bedroom for his afternoon siesta. This was way back when we were still living in Baghdad. I was about 4 or 5 and believe me I remember these incidents as if it were yesterday.

Every afternoon, the minute my father goes in that bedroom of his, I decide to jump and run in the corridor and ofcourse scream my lungs off pretending to chase some bad evil witches (watched too many cartoons I think). And out of the blue I would see flying slippers hurled at me by my mom, LOL. Oh and I tell you these slippers NEVER missed no matter how hard I tried to duck down. My mom had really good eyes :)

Yes those were the days. Im smiling now while Im writing this, for I dunno why almost all of us Iraqis have memories that involve slippers or shoes being hurled at us. I guess it’s an Iraqi tradition, and so for Bush’s farewell, he was bestowed with one of a kind tradition. The Shoes. The Flying Iraqi Shoes…

My Own Body Of Lies...

2008-12-05T12:49:00.005+02:00

Everyone was raving about the movie “Body of Lies”, so I decided to go watch it last week. Great movie I have to admit. After we finished, I told my younger sister that Id rather go home in a taxi than her dropping me. So there I was standing in the Taxi line outside the mall, with about 20 people infront of me. This is just great I thought to myself. With the rate the taxis are coming in (One every 20 mins), I will probably reach home at 1 or 2 am. This was about midnight.

As I was standing there, an excruciating pain jolted me. It felt like a knife carving out my insides. I didn’t know what to do. I hugged myself with my right arm trying to put pressure on the pain so it stops. But that didn’t work. I couldn’t go and sit on the bench cause then my turn will go, so I just stood there praying to god for the pain to disappear. Ripples of sweat started forming on my forehead, I looked behind me, and there were about 30 more people standing. God. I tried calling HUBBY, thinking maybe if I talk to him I will feel fine. But the lines wouldn’t go through. Damn those Iraq phones.

All of a sudden I felt my pressure going lower. Uhoh. Not here Neurotica. Not here. As I turned to warn the guy behind me, it was too late. I fell unconscious right then and there. When I regained my consciousness I found myself on the bench with women holding me up at each side. What happened I asked. You fainted one woman answered. I was gasping for breath. I thought I was gonna die. Call my brother I kept whispering. Call my brother.

As they took my phone out, I could hear them saying “we don’t know how to operate this” Shit. Its my darn iphone. I heard another calling the ambulance. No, no don’t call them I kept saying. Please don’t call them. Some American man was standing there, I could see the panic on his face. Are you ok? He kept asking. Are you ok? Yes, I nodded. But I need oxygen. Please help me, please, I pleaded. He ran and got me some water. The women behind me kept massaging my back.

There I was, all alone, surrounded with complete strangers who left their taxi line just to help me. Wow. I was shocked. Those good Samaritans. Really. Im ever so grateful to them. I dunno why but I kept thanking them and apologizing. I felt like a kid who just committed something naughty. I finally managed to unlock my iphone and dial my brother’s mobile. Poor thing he was in a deep sleep. This was about quarter to 1 in the morning. Imagine your sister on the other end of the phone, gasping for breath asking for help. Wouldn’t that give you a heart attack? I really felt bad but he was my only choice. The one person I trust with my life. The American guy took the phone from me and told my brother where I was and that the ambulance is on its way.

As the ambulance came and took me on a stretcher I was falling back into oblivion. The Dr kept asking me questions to keep me awake. Whats your name he asked. Where are you from? Minute I mustered the words Iraqi he started talking to me in Arabic. How is Iraq he asked. WTH? Here I am lying on a stretcher fighting for life and this guy is asking me about Iraq? OH MY DEAR GOD. Stay with me he kept saying. Stay with me. So how is Iraq. Cmon, don’t go away. Keep your eyes open. He kept insisting.

By the time we reached the emergency ward, I was ok. Infact, I remember apologizing to them too. My brother on the other hand looked like someone from a horror movie. His face was paler than mine. You scared the shit out of me Neurotica. I just lost 30 years of my life, he said. Poor brother. Well I guess that’s the price you pay for having a sister like me.

I have no idea why I fainted. I really don’t. I was stressed out, yes. But that isn’t an enough excuse for my body to give up on me. I have been through worse and I never fainted before. Never, except ofcourse a few weeks ago at the Dr’s office. And no Im not pregnant.

After that incident Im just too scared to go out. Now, whenever I do leave the house, I say a little prayer “Please god, let this day be not it”. Im scared that it will happen out of the blue. Imagine it happens while I drive. God what an eerie feeling. So I decided to create an instructions paper and keep it with me at all times incase it happens again:

Hi, Im prone to fainting so don’t be scared. Get my iphone out. Press the lower button, place your thumb and move to right to unlock. Go to contacts icon, find the words BROTHER, and call. Don’t panic, I will be fine.

As I recalled the events to HUBBY he was horrified. I will be coming soon Neurotica, he said. I will never let this happen to you again. I will also buy you a new phone, he added jokingly. Lol. Umm yeah HUBBY. My body will just wait for you. I guess its ironic to have watched the movie Body of Lies that day. Right now Im pissed off at my OWN Body. My Own Body of Lies…

The HUBBY Countdown...

2008-11-25T09:36:00.002+02:00

Wow, didn’t realize its been that long since I have last posted. I guess when you’re having so much fun, you don’t really take note of the time. It was so wonderful having HUBBY around. I loved every minute of it. I finally tasted the real meaning of being a wife. A real wife. For 2 weeks I was no longer a single wife. No longer lonely.

I cooked, washed, cleaned. And loved every second. I felt like a real couple, doing real things together. Before he actually came here, I wasn’t feeling well. I had passed out in the Doctor’s office after having been subjected to routine blood tests 2 days consecutively. I guess being petite and already possessing a phobia from needles, played a big role. I remember waking up finding myself drenched in water. I looked and saw worried faces staring at me. I didn’t know what had happened until the nurse told me.

I was shaken. I cant even remember the last time I fainted. I tried getting up from the bed, but my knees felt shaky and I couldn’t move. I waited for about half an hour until I was able to get up. I just wanted to leave that place. Leave and never see it AGAIN. I HATE NEEDLES! I don’t even know how I ended up in my parents house. I didn’t want them to know what happened, so I just pretended all is good. But the minute I left them, I cried. I cried like no tomorrow. I was scared. Scared that my body gave up on me. Scared that there was a part of me I actually couldn’t control. I felt weak.

I called HUBBY who was in Iraq at the time and he calmed me down and told me that everything is ok, and that I shouldn’t really get worried. People faint, it happens. Especially people who don’t eat much and are scared from needles, like me. I felt much better after our conversation. A few days later, he was right by my side. And this time it wasn’t just for a few hours. This time it was longer, much longer. Although it wasn’t as long as I desired, it was still great.

We had worked a routine so we can both work AND have fun. We would wake up early every day, work for a few hours, cook lunch, go back to work, then go out in the afternoon. It was relaxing. Relaxing and mellow. We both respected each other’s time. Shockingly, I didn’t nag much. I was surprised at my own behavior. What happened? What happened to the neurotic wife that I was? Where did she go? Id enter the study and see empty coke cans upon coke cans littering the table, together with ashtrays filled to the top with cig butts. If this was me before, Id be uncontrollable with me complaining and nagging him to clean up. But now, now it was simple. I would just toss everything in the trash myself, without uttering a word.

If he wanted to cook or assist me, I never said no. Previously, I would have panic attacks the minute he enters the kitchen. LOL. Simply because I knew that the shiny clean kitchen would end up something like a scene from a war zone. But this time, this time I didn’t care. I just wanted HUBBY to be happy. Happy being with me.

I cant stand wet floors. Infact I go crazy if the bathroom floor is drenched with water. Or maybe I should say, I USED to go crazy. Im a very precise washer. I pull the shower curtains so tight so as not to have a single water drop on the floor. HUBBY on the other hand, doesn’t really care. “It’s the bathroom, it has to get wet”, he usually says when I used to nag him. But now, now I don’t complain. You know why? Cause by some miracle, he became careful and made sure the curtain is pulled well. LOL.

I guess learning each other’s perks comes with time, time and actually living together. Yeah time did pass by fast. It usually does when you are having so much fun. And fun, it definitely was. But now, now he is gone again. Gone back to his mistress. The mistress that I’d love to hate. And Im back. Back to being a single wife :(

As for the political situation in Iraq, Im not moved by it at all. The SOFA is going to be passed in parliament whether the Sadrists are against it or not. But Muqtada’s threats should be taken seriously. Maliki should put a stop to this crazy man. Just yesterday another poor disabled woman was strapped with explosives infront of the GZ gate. This probably is Al Qaeda’s doing. Using humans like that is just beyond me. Hell is definitely their destiny. I seriously cannot fathom how can these people utter Allah’s name on their tongues. I seriously cant. Disgusted is an understatement. That’s all Im gonna say on that subject, because honestly, I don’t want to fume. Not right now, anyways.

Did I ever mention that I finally received pictures of my orphans? I was so over the moon when Generation Iraq sent me an email with photos of the children. Although my heart did get constricted for a few seconds. How many more are out there? How many more have no homes and are left fending for themselves? Even though I never gave birth to these kids, I love them as my own. Maybe one day I will get to meet them in person. As for now, I have started my countdown again, Yaaaaaaaaaaay. The HUBBY countdown...

The Obama Change Glow...

2008-11-07T11:10:00.007+02:00

Reading what the guys at IBC wrote about me, does not really make a difference to my thoughts, nor my joy at Obama winning. Infact it added a small smile to my face this Friday morning. Thank you!!!

I just don’t understand though, the dismay of many people to Obama being elected president. I don’t understand why so many people are angry. IBC, it was YOUR people that voted for him, not I. It was YOUR people that came out in large numbers and selected him, umm not I. It was YOUR people that partied in the streets with joy, not I. So maybe, you should write a post about how the American people were soo sooo wrong in your opinion.

Those millions who voted for Obama must have seen something worthwhile in him to want a change, don’t you think? Or am I just too delusional? It wasn’t the American people who voted. Oh I get it, it was some fleet of aliens that landed secretly on American soil and casted their votes. Yeah that’s it. Those hungry for change people weren’t people afterall.

Its shameful to see educated people like yourselves denounce your new government. Oh and please correct your post, it was just I who wanted Obama, HUBBY, who if you recall from my posts “the males in my family wanted McCain” wanted McCain. So please take him out of the equation since he isn’t here to read the BS. As for the Pay cheques you so eloquently put it, yes I did get paid. Like any hardworking person who does their job in the best of their ability. But umm, let me remind you something, the money that all of us in Iraq got paid, including the Americans who were getting four to three times more than I was, was NOT from Bush’s pocket. Correct me if Im wrong, did Bush himself pay our cheques? Was it his hard earned money? Hmmm, maybe I’M REALLY DELUSIONAL NOW.

All the money that was spent in Iraq or Afghanistan, came from YOUR pockets. The Tax Payers pockets. The same tax payers that voted for Obama. And if you weren’t as superficial as you turned out to be, you should have read my posts and UNDERSTOOD them. My choice for Obama is solely for a selfish reason. Like any Iraqi, I want a solution to the mayhem in my country. Had you read my previous posts, Blatant Neurotic Iraqi Truth you would know that I don’t blame the Americans anymore, I infact put the chaos to what Iraq has become on the shoulders of the Iraqi government. So again get YOUR facts straight.

And yes I still go for Obama. I read a few posts about what a bad choice Obama is for Iraq, especially knowing what Biden suggested awhile back for dividing Iraq. YES AND SO? If that’s the only solution that will save Iraq from further bloodshed, then be it. Iraq is already divided if you havent noticed. What kind of country has replicas of ministries and ministers governing? You did know that right?

Im sure you are so knowledgeable about my country that you know in the Northern part they have their own ministries. They make their own decisions. Umm, not sure what you call that? A beautiful cooperation? As for the South, now that’s a different story. Although there are no ministries, but they have representative offices. Which is fine right? Only natural. BUT its not so NATURAL, if the individual that manages these offices makes his own decisions, backed NOT by the government, but by his own PARTY. So umm, again I dunno what you call this. In hindsight Iraq IS divided.

The Bush administration had given so much to the Iraqi govt on a gold plate. And Im sure you will not argue with me on this point. And I hope you will agree with me, that the Iraqi govt didn’t do much. I will give you a simple example. Something that although shocked me, but didn’t surprise me. A few days ago, I was chatting with HUBBY. I felt something was wrong. I asked him why the bad mood. He said: Neurotica you wont believe this. We did the site check, and the final walk through, for the project to be handed over. The DG, Director General, refused to sign the handover papers”

A few days later, that same DG, came to my HUBBY and said, I will only sign this paper, if you give me money. WHAT THE HELL!!! HUBBY ofcourse replied as calmly as he can and said “Listen, this millions of dollars project is FOR YOU. FOR YOUR PEOPLE. For YOUR COUNTRY. If you don’t want to sign for it, then be it, but don’t expect one dime” And he left it at that. But while HUBBY was recalling the story to me, he was fuming. No, fuming is an understatement. He was appalled and disgusted and vowed that he will bring this man down.

I tried calming him down, and told him, to let it go, and NOT do anything stupid. Afterall he is in a country that’s governed by the law of the jungle. If he does try doing anything and telling anyone, that DG, will definitely try and harm him. But HUBBY wouldn’t have it. He went on by saying how hard people work to try and lend a hand to these people, yet in the end, they get ungrateful grunts. He finally is reaching the point that I have reached. He finally is realizing, that the dream of “Taking part in Iraq’s reconstruction” does no longer have a sweet taste. Infact, it leaves bitterness in your mouth.

Had McCain won, that same comfort cushion would have still been there for the ignorant govt we have. Don’t you see it? But I guess since you are too blinded by the hatred you have towards change, you will be too blind to see what a catastrophe McCain would have been for Iraq. Im gonna keep it at that. And hey thanks again for adding a smile to my face this Friday morning. Oh and by the way, since you are soooooo interested in my shoe state, I bought a whole new shoe rack. Thanks for asking. And Im so chuffed that you have dedicated one whole post on me. :)

Anyhow, I still have that after glow. That amazing after glow, from the results of YOUR people voting. Yeah my face is glowing believe it or not. Its glowing that glow. The Obama Change Glow…

The Obama Era...

2008-11-05T07:26:00.005+02:00

OBAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!woooohooooo. Wow!!! I just watched the speech!!!OMG. America, History has just been made! I dunno what to say really, Im over the moon. Its as if he is MY president. As an Iraqi I have my hopes on this man.

Change, change, change. Change is on its way. Change to the vicious Bush administration. The Bush administration that lied, tricked, conned the world, and most of all conned the Iraqis.

Today is a different day. A brighter day. A brighter day for everyone who wanted and believed in change. For me, this is not just about history, this is about someone who was able to bring down the very people that broke my country. It’s a great punch to the very people that destroyed the individual Iraqi. And that to me is an enough victory.

I will only have to say to Mr Obama, don’t let us down. You came thus far, and as an Iraqi Im depending on you. Don’t let dirty politics break your promises. There are a few Iraqis who I have asked whether they’re happy at the outcome. Surprisingly, I heard tones filled with fear, fear and confusion. “Whats gonna happen to us, Neurotica?” They asked. “Will America leave us? What will happen to Iraq”

I didn’t really reply, all I said was “Change is on its way”. “Bad change or good change?” They asked. “Inshallah a good one” I said and left it at that. As for the males in my family, too bad your man didn’t win! Although its strange, its strange because we all want peace for Iraq, we all want the same end, a happy ending, yet the means is different. And for me Obama is the means. The perfect Means that justifies the end. Yes this time it does justify the end.

I learnt a few lessons in life, and that is to never ever over expect things from individuals, but in this instance I am. I am expecting many things from Obama. And disappointment is NOT one of them. As for all the red neck extremists out there, for all you people who cannot fathom how a black American can be your president, Tough luck. Live with it.

I wonder how the Iraqi government reacted to the news. Must be a blow to them. A great blow. Yaaaaaaaaaaay. Yeah about time. About time, for five years they got what they wanted. They got what they wanted on the Iraqi individual’s account. They preyed on my people. They tore them apart. For five years they slept soundly knowing that Bush is there. Bush is there to protect these vultures. But change is on its way. I pray to god, I pray that Obama will have the balls to say NO to them. NO and ENOUGH.

It’s a beautiful clear sky today. A BLUE sky. The start of a new era. The Obama Era…

Invisible Tranquility...

2008-11-03T20:18:00.002+02:00

Just a few hours left and hopefully, history will be made. Although many people said they don’t really care who the next president of the US is going to be, and I was one of them, NOW they should. I have read so many articles, watched too many shows, and although Im one of those pessimists who think neither will really make a difference, at the end of the day I do want Obama to win for the explanations I have given in previous posts. So Best of luck to you Mr Obama. I know many Iraqis share my views.

As for those who still think and believe in the red, then Im sorry to say, that even though red is the colour of fire, the colour of vibrancy, hell I even painted my own study room red, all it actually symbolizes in reality is BLOOD. So enough red. We have had enough of BLOOD. And lets give a chance to the blue. Yeah I like blue. It symbolizes tranquility. It symbolizes, PEACE.

Like with any issue, even as a family, my family, there are different opinions, different outlooks. If I look at it from a statistic point of view, all of us females are with Obama. And that’s a fact that I have just realized while writing this post. As for the males in the family, majority are with McCain. Strange isn’t it? I guess its because us women think more with our emotions. And emotions kinda takes precedence right now.

Wonder what will it be? Red for more BLOOD and delusional Dreams? or Blue for TRANQUILITY? Invisible Tranquility…

La vie d'une femme névrotique...

2008-11-01T10:54:00.004+02:00

After Thursday’s fiasco with the accident, I wasn’t really upto doing anything. I felt like a zombie with all energy drained from me. I was even more upset because of HUBBY’s lack of empathy. I skyped him and told him what happened, thinking he would atleast call me. But no, he never did. All he typed on skype was, "its ok habeebty, don’t get upset, these things happen. If I was there, I would have taught that guy a lesson". But no phonecall to calm me down, which added to my disdain.

Woke up next morning about noon. Its Friday, not much work going on in Baghdad. I checked a few emails then went and slouched down on the sofa. I saw a missed call from HUBBY, called him back, and as usual, his reply was “Cant talk to you right now, Im in the middle of a site check”. Oh but ofcourse, why aren’t I surprised. His mistress always takes precedence over me. I hung up feeling more down than ever. I continued searching for something worthwhile to watch on TV until I came upon an old Arabic Movie. I love old movies, the hero always ended up with his heroine. Yeah very la la landish kinda thing.

As I immersed myself in the movie, I realized I was extremely hungry. But as lazy as I was, I didn’t even want to make the few steps to the kitchen. I looked around and saw a bag of crisps I had opened the night before. I took it and started munching the remaining contents.

After about 30 minutes, I hear a key being turned in the front door. I didn’t move one bit. I just sat there. Hmmm, who can it be? My mom and my brother are the only ones who have the keys to my place. Why would they come here without telling me? But again I didn’t even flinch. I just sat there waiting. The door made that squeaky sound and was opened. A few seconds later, I see someone who resembled HUBBY standing right there infront of me!!! OMG!!!

I jumped with joy. I ran to him then I realized, shit, my legs havent been waxed for ages!!!I immediately covered myself with a blanket and looked at him sheepishly. "HUBBBBBBBBBBBBY!!!", I screamed. What a nice sight for sore eyes. I hugged him so hard I nearly strangled him. He tried to unwrap the blankie, and I tried to keep it on. It was like a competition, who would succeed in keeping the blanket. “What are you hiding?” he kept asking. “Umm nothing, Im not hiding anything” Take it off he said. No No, please HUBBY. I didn’t know you were coming. He eyed me suspiciously and said “Hmm, ok, shall I leave?” he was turning towards the door. "Nooo Noooo, I just didn’t expect you. I was angry with you".

“Its all part of the surprise” He said smiling, happy with himself that his plan succeeded. Show me Neurotica, show me what you are hiding, he insisted. And why didn’t you come and see who is at the door? What if it was a thief? And why havent you locked the door? You usually do. HUBBY, I was upset. I didn’t bother doing anything yesterday after the accident. I just got into the apartment, threw my bag and keys on the floor and just zombied out.

Come here, give me a kiss he says. I smiled. Wow, I missed him so much. But there are things to be taken care of first. I need to go I said. Where? He asked surprised. Umm I need to take a shower. I have to take a shower. You don’t want to kiss a dirty woman do you? He smiled and said “Oh I don’t care, come here you” I wriggled from his embrace, tucking really hard on my blankie and ran.

I ran to the bathroom, and although I hate shaving, I had no other choice. I shaved my legs in no time and appeared infront of HUBBY nice and clean. WHATS THAT he shouted with a look of horror on his face. I looked down and I can see blood seeping from my ankle. Ooooops, my secret is out. I laughed so much and said, Umm I guess I cut myself shaving. The cat is out of its bag. Theres nothing I can do.

My happiness didn’t really last though. He got a phone call from Iraq asking him to be back immediately. I couldn’t believe it, nor did he. But he had to go. His mistress is going through a major milestone and he had to be there. He tried postponing, but it was now or never. So you can imagine us rushing trying to find flights out. Its Friday and not a single agent is open. I made a few phone calls, he made a few calls, my dad made some too and so did my brother. It took us the whole afternoon and evening trying to figure a way to Iraq. Until my dad managed to speak to someone who said that HUBBY should be in Dubai airport by 5 am.

And that my friends was the sour end to my Friday. HUBBY took a cab at 330am to Dubai and off he went to be on his mistress’s side in her hour of need. Shaving or no shaving, it didn’t make a difference :( Yeah this is the famous life of me. Im not gonna complain, I atleast managed to see him for a few hours and that to me just made my day. “How come you aren’t upset that I have to leave? How come you aren’t being bitchy with me?” He asked shocked at my calm demeanor. I smiled and said “HUBBY, why spoil the short time we have together? Besides, me being bitchy wont change the fact that work is work”. Yeah I too was taken aback with my calm attitude. But c’est la vie. La vie d'une femme névrotique...

The Fading Pearl of the Emirates...

2008-10-30T18:10:00.003+03:00

I was gonna write about Iraq, but I changed my mind after today’s car accident. Yes I was in one, and no, no one was injured. But I need the world to know how contradictory this place is. Advertising freedom and democracy to the whole world. Advertising equality and humanity. Its all Bull. I have many Emarati friends, and I hope they don’t get offended but the truth has to be told because this is getting way out of hand.

I will start with today’s incident. My sister was dropping me off since I refuse taking my car out of the parking space. A four wheel drive car was behind us, RIGHT behind us. I mean stuck to my sister’s car. The whole way she was driving, they didnt keep a distance, and started flashing the headlights, and mind you she wasn’t even on the fast lane. She took a turn, right next to my place, the guy kept flashing her with the headlights. She cant move forward cuz there are cars infront. People usually flash the lights for intimidation, and easily enough, my sister lost her cool and was intimidated. As she was waiting for the car infront of her to move, the 4 wheeler drive passed on her side, skidded, dented her car on the side and moved away! I couldn’t believe it. SHE couldn’t believe it!

I ran out of the car chasing after it, if they think they can get away with it then theyre wrong. I scream at the top of my lungs for him to stop. I called the 999 police number and reported the accident. I approached the car, knocked on the window, not knowing what or who to expect. A young local, in his 20’s, pulls down the window. Looks at me with disgust. I said, why did you do that? Why did you harass us all the way, and then hit the car? He got out of his car, pointed his finger at me and started saying profanities. Every curse word he knows I guess.

Just because he is a local does NOT give him the right! He continued by saying things like, I will smash your face with a rope, I will smash your face to pulp, etc. I stood there shocked. Then I went off “Who the hell you think you are? Just because you are Emarati doesn’t give you the right to treat people like animals. Do you know who you are talking to?” I don’t even know why I said the last statement, but I was angry.

Police arrived, meanwhile I called my bro, cuz sometimes they take advantage if they see women alone. And ofcourse the whole neighbourhood was standing out watching. Atleast we have witnesses. But that wasn’t needed, as it was obvious it was his fault. I could see the police were sniggering with the guys at us. Aaaaaaah how much I wanted to scream, scream and punch their faces! Thank God his insurance will pay for the damages he incurred on my poor sister’s new car. Its her first one, and she always took care of it. It’s the only thing she owns, and worked hard to get.

The Emirates, the land of the free. Yeah right. No one is free unless you are an Emarati. I have seen incidents were Indians were mal treated. Pushed at, insulted, slapped, just because he is an Indian. Spoken down to, just because he is an Indian. There are no human rights here. No one has rights unless you are an Emarati. Im sorry, I do apologize for all the friends that I have, but you have to wake up. Wake up and educate your people. Other people’s lives are not worthless. Be it an Indian, an Iraqi, a Brit, etc.

We are all humans and you have to respect us. You cant just go on like that. Even if this is your land, it’s the Indians, the Pakistanis, the Filipinos, the Palestinians, the Iraqis, the Lebanese, the Brits, the Americans, etc who made it what it is today. Yes your money, but their effort. Even animals have more rights than us here.

No this cant go on. I don’t care anymore. Im fed up. This was considered my home away from home. I grew up here, I went to school here. But now, now I don’t know if I wanna call this home anymore. I dunno if it fits to be my home.

Just 2 days ago I witnessed 2 men fighting for a parking space. One got out and strangled the other. One was Arab and the other a Pakistani. He literally strangled him and punched him! People gathered and tried breaking them out. I saw it from my window and I started screaming. I should have taken a video, but was too worried about the victim. No, this definitely isn’t the place it says it is. Yes it may be paradise relative to other places, but how can you live if you have no rights. How can you survive, if you know, that one day, any day, you can get in trouble with the law because you pissed off a local.

No I will not keep my mouth shut. Not anymore. I know that none of the media here will not talk about anything that happens in this place. I know that the media keeps everything hushhush, because they don’t have the guts, but no I will not be silent. I cant be silent. Im disappointed. Disappointed in the country I grew to love. I grew to admire. I used to use the Emirates as the dream that I want Iraq to be one day. That’s how much I loved it. Its with Sheikh Zayed’s (May he rest in peace) vision and ambition that this place became the pearl of the gulf. I loved that man. I mourned him for weeks upon weeks. And it is unfortunate that his Pearl, my pearl is fading. The Fading Pearl of the Emirates...

Inspector General Report

2008-10-28T22:04:00.001+03:00

This is a public report by SIGIR about the reconstruction of Iraq. Please read so we can discuss further...

http://www.sigir.mil/reports/pdf/audits/09-004.pdf

The Thundery Baghdadi Weather...

2008-10-25T23:24:00.003+03:00

The weather in Baghdad reflected my mood today. Apparently it was thundery and very rainy. Exactly how I felt when I first woke up. It infact surprised me when I received emails from five different people telling me all about it. I found myself laughing, for each one of them had a different style in telling me all about the rain and thunder. Some, just hated it, and only one loved it. It was funny, funny to me, and added a little smile to my somewhat moody attitude.

I havent read much news in the past few days. Ok, Im lying, yes I read and watched news on tv and this security deal is bugging the hell out of me. I was also conversing with HUBBY on skype. Looks like Obama will win, he said. What do you think Neurotica? Wow, I was actually impressed he asked my opinion, for in the past few days he has been pretty sick and not really conversive. I wish Obama wins, I typed. I wish he wins and withdraws all the troops by end of the year. HUBBY was shocked at my answer. How come Neurotica? If the US leaves there will be chaos and Iran will jump in. We cant let that happen.

I Lol’ed so much, for Iran is ALREADY in. The government of Iraq is nothing but Iran’s puppet. “Neighbouring countries should respect the sovereignty of Iraq” is ALL BS. I really really want the troops to leave, and Im serious. Ive said it before. And Im repeating it again. I think the max they should stay if any is beginning of next year. That’s the ultimate maximum.

I want chaos to break. YES. I DO. This is the only solution. The only solution to the current Iraqi govt. They are useless, and will continue to be so because even though they say they want the forces to leave, they know it wont happen, and so every night when they go to bed, they're confident that a soft cushion awaits their empty heads. They depend on the forces. I get really angry when I talk about this subject. I get really upset, that such a rich, resourceful country has ended up in such filthy hands. Filthy, corrupt and no loyalty. No loyalty to the earth they are walking on. I want them to suffer.

Yes chaos will break from all directions. Qaeda will come back. Mahdi Militias will restart their hideous murders, awakening members will start their revenge killings on the militias, and the government. WOW. And best of all Iran will just take over. I want to see how the hell will the so called “sovereign” Iraqi govt take control? I really wanna see it.

Youre gonna tell me but it’s the average Iraqi that will become the victim. YES. Unfortunately its always been the average Iraqi. All those who were able to leave, left. And that BS of refugees coming back to their country is just that, BULSHIT!

You know why they’re going back? They are going back Because they ran out of money. Theyre living in the most dire conditions. They have been treated like trash. They have BECOME trash everywhere. Oh where are you from? People ask with a smile. When you say Iraq, they immediately frown and have that distinctive disgusted look on their faces. You know why these people are going back? Theyre going back because they have no other choice. Their bloody govt failed them! They didn’t aid them. And if they did, its peanuts compared to what they could have done. Westerners are more EMPATHETIC than the so called SOVEREIGN GOVERNMENT! GOD!!! It just pisses me off. I swear it does.

Yes, Obama, please win. Win and withdraw the troops. Personally I believe the US is wasting its time. Its time, money and effort. Try and save the fallen economy instead with the money you will be wasting on Iraq. Iraq has enough money. Iraq is rich. Unfortunately the wealth is going into Ammar al Hakeem’s pockets, and his repulsive likes. Do you know that he bought properties here in the Emirates worth millions of dollars? No you don’t know that fact. He spends millions while the children of Iraq die of starvation, cholera, typhoid, abuse, rape and torture. WELL DONE Ammar!!! Lets see what happens to you when the forces leave? I want to see you torn apart, exactly the same way a lion preys on his victim. Is what Im saying vicious? I really hope so.

I hope the security deal wont be signed, and I hope the US will carry out their threats. Its wishful thinking I know.But its good to hope. Its healthy. Right? My mood is just like a candle. A candle flickering with the weather. The Thundery Baghdadi Weather…

My Rundown Hurriya Visitor...

2008-10-22T23:35:00.002+03:00

Woke up pretty early to catch my ride to Dubai. We didn’t wanna be stuck in their horrible morning rush hour. The trip took me back to when HUBBY and I used to travel through Dubai back to Baghdad. I looked outside the window and saw all those skyscrapers one after the other. Then I smiled. I smiled for I also remembered Mohannad.

Mohannad is a simple 20 something year old guy living in the rundown Hurriya district. He is one of those that I miss very much cause his stories never bored me.

Neurotica, is it true there are those really tall buildings, that you can even see clouds through its windows? He once asked. I remember that day so well. As always I was sitting in the courtyard smoking, while he kept me company. Ofcourse I said with a soft smile. So all these things we see on TV are real, right? He asked for confirmation. I nodded my head. Aha Mohannad. Yes.

Do you have them in London and Abu Dhabi as well? No, not really in London, and not in Abu Dhabi but in Dubai yes. You see a lot of them. Have you ever been in one? He asked. Yes. Did you ever open the window and feel the clouds? Wow that question took me aback. Made me think, have I ever been in one and did that? What a pity I thought to myself. You always take the things you have for granted. I laughed, No Mohannad, I was never smart enough like you to think of doing it. But I promise, next time Im in one, I will try and touch the clouds and will make sure to tell you all about it.

For that hour and 20 minutes, I wished Mohannad was sitting right next to me. I could easily imagine the amazed look on his face. I could easily see his goofy smile lighten his features while he probably stared in shock at the images afore me. I could easily feel his happiness coming through his dark brown eyes and his bushy eyebrows raised up with excitement.

What have these people seen in their lives? Really now. Millions of them have never been on a plane. Millions of them don’t even know whats going on in the rest of the world. Yet here we are, the rest of the so called civilization waking up every day, going about our business as if its normal. Is it really normal? Whats normal? Our life or theirs? No Im not gonna allow myself to fall into that trap. That horrid depression trap. But seriously what have the Iraqis seen in their lives. What have they gained?

I sit here now, this moment, writing these words, and my heart is truly filled with sadness. Yet Im smiling at the same time, for I remembered his words. You know Neurotica, once the Americans leave, I would have saved a fair amount of money. You know what I will do with this money Neurotica? I said, open a bakery? He shook his head. I said, Ummm open a car repair shop? For in Iraq, its either a bakery or a car repair shop, Lol. He shook his head again. What are you gonna do Mohannad? I asked curiously

Im going to get myself a passport and travel. Travel the world. I want to be just like those people I see on TV. Those people who go from one place to the other, carrying bags behind their backs, just like school children and hop on and off planes, trains, cars, busses. This is what I wanna do Neurotica. And ofcourse, I want to go to one of those tall buildings and touch the clouds. Touch them with my own hands, feel them with my fingers and he gestured high up with his rugged rough hands.

Yes I thought to myself. Inshallah you will. You definitely will Mohannad. One day. The car then suddenly took a swerve and I woke up from my sad, yet lovely daydream. We finally reached our destination. And yes, it was great seeing Mike, and meeting up with him in a so called "normal place" after nearly a month of leaving them. I only hope, that Mohannad, that 20 something year old guy will also be a visitor. My Visitor. My rundown Hurriya Visitor...

HUBBY's Iraqi Mistress Project...

2008-10-20T22:27:00.000+03:00

I cant make my mind up on what to write anymore. I have so much to talk about, but don’t know where to start. Shall I write about my outrage on the Iraqi govt’s slow reaction to what happened to my fellow Iraqi Christians in Mosul? Shall I write about life in Abu Dhabi as a single Wife? Or maybe complain about the soaring prices? How about my anxiety attacks that I keep getting whenever I go out? Hmmm or maybe I should talk about my insomnia? I dunno.

Im still trying to adjust to the “real” world. Im getting much better though. I have yet to train myself to be abit more patient and understanding. Baghdad spoiled me. Spoiled me BIG TIME.

I gave up the idea of finding a bigger place and stuck to the one Im renting at the moment. I was shocked at how much everything costs here. It wasn’t like this a year ago. Or even 6 months ago. Everyone is complaining, and I joined that statistic. Then comes the parking dilemma. OH MY GOD. That by itself is a huge factor of me staying at home. I did the mistake one night and stayed out late at my parents. It took me an hour and a half, LITERALLY to be able to find parking, and it wasn’t even a legal spot! It was a challenge and I didn’t care if it took me to the early hours of the morning to find a darn place to park!!!!

I am also realizing the sexist attitude men have towards a woman! Its either “Aaaaaaah, it’s a woman” and he drools, or “Oh, it’s a woman” and he curses! I asked one of the mirror shops to send over someone to take measurements so I can put some mirrors up. They sent this young guy. It was going fine UNTIL, until he asked me to hold the measure to help him out. This was in the bedroom mind you. He closed the door so he can measure the whole wall. I didn’t think much of it, although I did feel uncomfortable. He made me hold the measure, then all of a sudden, he came closer and friggin BRUSHED my body with his hand!!!!It took a few seconds for me to register what happened.

I immediately let go of the measure tape and stepped back! I would have thrown him out, but with his kind you never know what would have happened. Needless to say I started cursing HUBBY for not being here with me. Infact its becoming part of my daily ritual to curse, especially when I end up working on things HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING! UGHHHHH

Then ofcourse there’s the rude man. I was driving to go to the bank. All of a sudden the car infront stops. The man gets out, locks his door and goes into the building right then and there. I couldn’t believe it! He left me stranded in the middle of the road!!! I beeped and beeped. He came back, looked at me and started ushering angrily to leave. Roohee he kept saying. Roohee. (Go in Arabic)

LEAVE??? How the hell can I move my car? I gestured with my hand. I couldn’t bloody reverse because there were cars behind me! I couldn’t go forward because he was blocking me! He cursed me out, and went back inside!!! OH……MY….GOD….I sooooooooooo wanted to get out of the car and beat the shit out of him. But I needed to catch the bank before it closed! I managed to find a small space between 2 parked cars were I was able to squeeze through.To my shock, I see a police car with a police man in it witnessing the whole scene without doing ANYTHING!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR….

Yeah welcome to the real world I keep saying to myself. I infact laugh, laugh and shake my head. How did civilization change so much? Or maybe it was like that all the time but its only now that Im taking note of it? I dunno. Many things keep me up till the early hours of the morning. And when I cant sleep, I just go and move furniture around. Sofas that are triple my size! I guess its my way of therapy.

In 2 days a coworker of mine is stopping over on his way to his R&R, and I cant wait to meet up with him and the other Baghdadi friends. It would be fun and strange at the same time to be united in a place other than Baghdad. To be able to sit in a normal place void of any Twalls and stupid regulations. To be able to gossip about everything and everyone without having to look over our shoulder ten times incase someone close by is eavesdropping and turns the whispers into meaningless rumours!!! A few other friends are also planning to stop by in the coming months, which is great. Im so looking forward to seeing everyone again.

Infact, HUBBY suggested I go visit him some time soon. Im really contemplating the idea. It would be interesting to also squeeze a little trip on my way, to visit work and surprise everyone. At the same time I would love to go and meet HUBBY’s mistress. The mistress project he chose over me. HUBBY's Iraqi Mistress Project...

My Baghdadi Trance...

2008-10-06T11:46:00.003+03:00

I don’t wanna leave, I told HUBBY. Then don’t leave Neurotica. I don’t even know why you took that decision in the first place. I stared at him real hard, and shook my head. HUBBBBBBBBBBY, you are supposed to tell me LEAVE. Youre supposed to make it easier on me. Then it was his turn to shake his head. “Neurotica”, he said with a sigh, “I know you, you will never be satisfied with any answer I give you. Just do what YOU, feel is right for you.”

I made my way to the Big Boss to bid him farewell, “Umm, if I decide not to leave, will you be ok with it?” He laughed, which is a rare thing, and said, “Neurotica, all of us wanted you to stay, but its your choice, and your choice alone. I cant force you”

Next morning, I climbed into the car and waved goodbye to my beloved Iraq. I managed to pull off the quiet exit I always wanted. I cant describe the rush of emotions I had at that moment. All I can say that my heart ached. Literally ached. And just like a kid, I kept waving to the outside. Waving to houses. Waving goodbye to the beautiful palm trees. I even waved good bye to those ugly Twalls!!!

I spent a few days in Amman with HUBBY (that by itself will require a post on its own, never ever Amman AGAIN), before he returned back to Iraq and I made my way to AD. To say that I have been relaxing ever since then will be a huge LIE. I resumed work the minute we arrived in Amman. And ever since then its been just work work work. Worse than when I was actually in Baghdad. Some of you did comment that it’s a bad idea : ) I guess now I agree with you.

Although I havent spent much time with my family, I did see them a few times. They ofcourse started complaining about my “hermit” status. “You left Baghdad didn’t you? Why are you stuck in the flat?” My dad even called me yesterday and asked me in a sarcastic way “Neurotica, where are you? Still stuck in the Baghdad Trance?” LOL. Yup I guess I need to organize myself in a better way. Besides, Im working more than the 40 hours Im supposed to be putting in. So, definitely a re organization of priorities is in need. Not only for my sanity, if any is left, but for my health. My smoke intake has tripled!!! I go through three packs a day EASSSSSY!!!

Talking of which, yesterday I was having lunch at my parents, with only my sister and mom, my dad was invited out. And what a better way to end lunch than lighting a cig with my coffee. There I was smoking away enjoying every breath UNTIL. Until my dad appeared out of the blue amidst the smoky air. OH MY GOD. To say I wanted the floor to open up and devour me, is an understatement!!! I didn’t even bother turning towards him. It was sufficient to look at my sisters ashen face, LOL. I threw the cig in the sink, tossed my pack on the floor, stood up, and smiled. An uneasy smile, that of a kid who had just spilled milk all over the place.

Naturally, the smile wasn’t reciprocated back : ) I know my dad is aware of us smoking, but in our family its extremely rude and unheard of to smoke or even smell of smoke when our father is around. My sister keeps a bottle of perfume handy just for that occasion, lol. My mom ofcourse loved every minute of it, she sat there sniggering at me, cause she hates us smoking with a vengeance. Not funny MOM!!! Oh well, an episode I definitely will not repeat AGAIN.

I better get back to work and back to my trance. My Baghdadi Trance…

The Painful Present...

2008-09-23T21:16:00.002+03:00

I absolutely hate it when people come to work when theyre terribly sick. Why spread the germs???Im NOT catching a cold NOW!!! I repeat, I AM NOT!!! Ughhh...Almost all the office is sick, and Im about to leave in less than a week! To top it all off, I have this nasty cruel zit that just popped up on my chin yesterday. Out of all places, its right there in everyones face! Things like that happen to me all the time especially around the time I travel. I blame it on stress.

Work has been especially hectic. One report after the other, and its non stop. I guess its all because of the new General. Its funny, every time a new Gen takes command, reports have to be done to explain every single reconstruction effort from 2003 upto now. Then ofcourse you have to brief them of the problem childs and the path forward. With every new person, they have a new vision.

They come here with big ideas, thinking that they will be able to fix everything, lol. We give them about a few weeks until they settle in and realize the sad reality. But in the meantime, its reports and information galore. I have also been offered to stay working for the same company, doing the same thing from home. It kinda took me aback when the Big Boss suggested it.

Im not complaining at all, but it sure will be a challenge simply because Im used to the fast pace here and I always tend to nag people to get the information I need. Whereas Im away, people will probably think they can get away, but I warned them, if I don’t get what I need on time, then I will be calling them up every 5 mins. Yeah HUBBY sorry, you will have to pay for these phone bills, hehe. I called my parents up to tell them of the good news and to warn them of any expectations they have of me once I get back.

But Umm dad, theres something I need to tell you
Dad: What is it?
Me: Ummm, well, although I will be coming back home, I just want to let you know, that I am NOT, and I repeat, I am NOT going to be attending any family obligations. No weddings, no funerals, no lunches, no dinners. NOTHING
(There was silence)
Me: Hello? Dad? You still there?
Dad: Yes, so tell me whats new? You never liked going out in the first place. You never do.
Me laughing: I know I know, but I just wanted to make sure and reiterate the point. I will spend time with YOU, my immediate family, but don’t expect me to see relatives, cousins etc. I am in no mood for small talk, or for smiling pretending to be happy all the time, its just not in me.
Dad: Just come here and don’t worry.

His words put a large smile on my face. Yes dad, I will come soon, I thought to myself. In fact you will probably get so fed up of me that you probably will pack my bags for me yourself and send me back here, hehe.

Although Im looking forward to going back to AD, Im certainly not happy that HUBBY will remain here. YES. Im leaving ALONE. He is staying!!!I know right? It doesn’t make sense. But I just cant hack it anymore. I really cant. Two days ago, I was clearing a few papers in my room, when it hit me. It hit me that I wont be here next week. Everyday now is my last day in Iraq. So I sat on my bed hopeless. I placed my hand under my chin and started thinking. Thinking of whether I can stay here until the end of the year. OMG. Just the thought, the thought itself felt like a huge Twall just dumped on my shoulder. Yup, THAT heavy. I just cant.

And I know, Im gonna go back to 4 years ago, when Id stress out about the whereabouts of HUBBY if I don’t hear from him. I cant imagine reliving those moments AGAIN!!! Thats what started this blog in the first place!!! At the same time, I don’t have any energy left in me to nag him. I seriously don’t. Im kinda fed up with this whole situation. And you know whats worse? Whats worse is he says he is fed up too, but he has to stay. Stay and see the end of his project. Im doing it for the people, Neurotica, You have to understand.

Yeah I guess I have to, but I never will. But, life goes on. That’s what I learnt. I refuse to live in the past, nor live in the future. But, I will live in the present. The Painful Present…

Generation Iraq

2008-09-20T21:11:00.002+03:00

I received the email below (I took the names out for security reasons) today from the rep in baghdad of Generation Iraq. Please, anyone who is willing to help and lend a hand, contact them. Once I go back to AD, I will make it my personal project to get as many people as I can interested in sponsoring these kids.

EMAIL:
Thanks for your sponsorship of the orphans, I'm sure all the seeds you plant will come fruits.
XXXX told me about you and my pleasure to know you and work with you to help the Iraqi Orphans. My name is xxx I'm the Director of G.I. ORG. Baghdad Office, Iraq

As you know the continuing wars & terrorism in Iraq have left deep and painful scars in the memory of the Iraqi People, there is not a body or soul untouched in Iraq, the wars made deep wounds that have been part of our soul, so they can never be forgotten and women, Children are the victims, we decided to help our people and our nation, through out helping the widows and the children.

I'm working with G.I. Org. in this program of sponsoring the orphans at the orphanges supported by G.I. Org. I'm working with 3 orphanges the first one is Bait Al-Toufil orphanage at Karada District we have 50 boys Ages from 7-up to 18 years old. The other orphanage for girls is St. Hanna Orphanage at Karada District we have 64 girls Ages from7-20, also we have Zafaraniya District we help the orphans and displaced widows immigrated from south of Iraq owing to the hard situation of Security and the sectarian wars they lost the parents, Families, homes and they were in bad situation, each widow have 6 or 7 kids without money and home. I.G.Org. works hard to support them.

Also G.I. Org. extending the assistance for ( Dar Annyah) Karada District, this house have 40 disabled ladies we providing them with medicial care, clothing, and other supplies. I hope our work will be avery positive and very helpful, I have 2 Orphans for you to sponsor:
The first Orphan: Ahmad 9- years old ( Bait Al-Toufil Orphanage) he had lost his parents in the explosion in Dora District last year and had 3 sisters : Zainab 6 years old, Fatima 12 years old and Maryam 8 years ol, She lives with her 2 sisters in the Garage very old and narrow with her grandmother at Abou Nawas Street and they have nothing, so I want you to sponser Maryam.

She asked me to take her with her sisters to St.Hanna Orphanage but the problem is with the grandmother she is very old and they connot leave her alone in the street, I'm planning to take Maryam to St.Hanna Orphanage, though it is very hard to seperate the girls. Maryam 8 years old she is nice with full smile on her face always she is happy.. and have hope for the future...!!
On the day of the explosion she was with her family and she survived and founded by the Iraqi Police she had serious burns on her legs & arms and she stayed one month at the hospital with her grandmother. Now she is in great need of help,

Thanks again for your assistance and may the Al-Mighty God bless you.

~End of Email~
So please make their life worthwhile. Let them taste the true meaning of the word. I dont want to ever see this image again.

We may not be able to alter the political situation, but at least, we can alter some lives. Maybe not all, but a few. This cause is very very close to my heart, I hope it is to yours. Please spread the word...