Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me

EmpoweringGirls(dot)com

2008-07-07T07:00:00.000-05:00

So, of course I wanted to know, who owns the domain empoweringgirls(dot)com? I went there and it seemed to be parked. I wanted to contact the owner to see about acquiring the web address, so I scrolled to the bottom and clicked.

I was redirected to wildpartygirls(dot)com.

Porn, of course.

Girl is a 4 letter word.

APA Reports Sexualization of Girls Devastating

Sorry, no pictures today.

Empowering Girls: Attitude Boot Camp

2008-07-03T07:00:00.000-05:00

Whatever the cause of Ainsley's recent attitude problem, I was talking to my friend Jen from Jlogged.com.

She's got 3 boys, and I was telling her how FED UP I am and that I don't really know the most effective thing to do.

She suggested Boot Camp.

Hard labor she said. When they start acting up and getting out of control like that we sit them down for a family meeting and tell them we're not putting up with their attitude anymore and we're going to make them work.

But, she already has to do chores, I said.

Chores. No. I make them scrub toilets with a toothbrush. I make them rake leaves and do yard work. I make them do really hard and dirty jobs for really long periods of time. I ride them really hard for about 3 weeks and it seems to do the trick.

And the list of things that no one wants to do around here started adding up in my head. And I remembered my parents used to make us work too. And their parents before them. And who the heck cares if Supernanny has never featured the Hard Labor Attitude Boot Camp as a parenting method? It's worth a shot.

We sat down at the family meeting and took her to task for her attitude towards me and outlined the new rules.

Didn't she do a nice job on those weeds?

And the whole time she was out there it was blessed silence and peace. I just tell her she has one warning until she does more hard labor. I almost can't wait until she talks back so I can get the rest of the yard work done and the toilets . . .

Is there a downside to Attitude Boot Camp?

Empowering Girls: Attitude Problem

2008-07-02T07:00:00.000-05:00

So, you can tell from my Hannah Ban that my 6-year-old daughter's been having an attitude problem lately.

I dealt with one of the causes, but I'm not crazy enough to think the banning of Hannah will be enough to cure her attitude and the constant crossing of my boundaries.

Here's what's really upsetting me about Ainsley's attitude.

It's directed at me. And only me.

Her entire bratty dialogue, talking back, rudeness, fit throwing, defiance is directed to a single person on the entire planet and that person is ME.

Her dad says "go clean your room" and she obediently goes to clean her room.

Her dad says "stop doing that" and she immediately stops.

At church and school and over at friends and neighbors and grandparents the child is a "perfect angel."

I say "go clean your room" and it's 30 minutes of arguing, whining, fit throwing and negotiating her way out of it.

I say "stop doing that, please," and she ignores me.

"Please, don't do that," she keeps doing it and make up an excuse for continuing her behavior.

"I said top doing that," and there is angry fit throwing outburst, negotiating and whining and crying.

I SAID STOP DOING THAT RIGHT NOW! NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM CAUSE I'M NOT PUTING UP WITH THIS!

Jeez. You don't have to scream at me, she says all hurt.

Oh really? It appears to be the only way you listen to me, I think.

What I say is, I'm sorry I yelled.

Here's what I want to know - what is different about my "go clean your room" and her fathers? What is different about my "stop doing that" and the neighbors or the teachers or the church lady's?

I have 3 theories.

The first is that my own mother put a traditional daughter curse on me, "I hope you get a daughter exactly like you."

One theory is that this is growing/mother/daughter pains that comes with puberty - only it's lightyears early.

Another theory is that I'm projecting all my daughter issues from my own relationship with my mother on my relationship with my daughter. Put another way, that my feelings about how my own mother disciplined me is preventing me from being an effective disciplinarian for my daughter. In other words, when I say, "Go clean your room," I hear myself as a rebellious teenager say, No. I don't want to! Try to make me! It's MY room. And my daughter is picking up on this inner-conflict via osmosis or emotional consciousness.

Do any other mothers notice their children treating them in a distinctly different way than they they treat the other parent or other adults? How do you explain it?

Come back tomorrow to find out about Attitude Boot Camp.

Empowering Girls: Consuming Kids

2008-07-01T07:00:00.000-05:00

What's the #1 thing we should teach our kids? Marketing Resistance. They're really gonna need it.

Empowering Girls: Goodbye Hannah

2008-06-30T07:00:00.000-05:00

Goodbye Hannah Montana.

I'm sick and tired of hearing your bratty little attitude and disrespect come out of my daughter's mouth.

Months ago I tried to blame ME for my daughter's snotty tone and disrespectful banter. I tried to ban my "tone" and keep you, Hannah, as harmless entertainment.

But, here's the thing: I add quality to my daughter's life whether I take a tone or not. I'm her mother and she's definitely better off with me than she is without me. There's no question that the benefit of me outweighs the cost of my tone.

It's unfortunate, but I can't say the same about you.

It has nothing to do with your back-exposure Miley, which I felt was a trumped up way for the media to call yet another girl a Whore, as we know that's their hobby. I feel bad about that.

It's Hannah's mouth and Hannah's attitude. That mouth and that dialogue is being used against ME.

My daughter thinks it's funny to imitate.

And I agree. It's funny to imitate.

But, if it's a choice between YOU and ME in my daughter's life. Well, I pick ME. Because I add quality and you, well, you don't. When your snotty, bratty, disrespectful banter comes out of my daughter's mouth - well, to be completely truthful, I feel like slapping her. I don't. But, really, it shouldn't take so much effort to stop the impulse.

Also, you're not really age-appropriate no matter how small you make the t-shirts or commando market to Kindergarteners and pre-schoolers.

She's listening to you talk about your "needs" and how your super-protective body guard is getting in the way of those needs.

Now I feel you're" needs" are probably to be kissed and to hold hands, though you left it vague.

But, that's too much information, and too vague, for my 6-year-old daughter. And again. I didn't really like your tone when you discussed your "needs" up with your dad. In fact, I thought your dad handled it poorly - like a shmuck. (While we're speaking of your parents I have to wonder - why exactly has Disney killed off all the girls' mothers, including yours?)

So, I took control of the remote. I couldn't figure out how to just block Hannah Montana so I blocked the entire Disney Channel. Truth be told I'm not a huge fan of your other influences Disney, what with the snotty attitude from Zack and Cody and the Princess Culture nightmare I've had to wade through with my daughter. Christine Fugate of Mothering Heights is banning you too.

So, there you are Disney Channel.

Blocked - Along with the Pay-Per-View Porn.

Read Tone Turtle.

"Tone Control"

Hannah Branding

Empowering Girls: Miley's Photo

Empowering Girls: Princess Culture Examined

Empowering Girls: Nerd Girls

2008-06-27T07:00:00.000-05:00

Check out these stats from a Newsweek story on Nerd Girls:

Forty years ago women made up just 3 percent of science and engineering jobs; now they make up about 20 percent. That sounds promising, until you consider that women earn 56 percent of the degrees in those fields. A recent Center for Work-Life Policy study found that 52 percent of women leave those jobs, with 63 percent saying they experienced workplace harassment and more than half believing they needed to "act like a man" in order to succeed. In the past, women dealt with that reality in two ways: some buried their femininity, while others simply gave up their techie interests to appear more feminine.

Read Newsweek's story, Revenge of the Nerdette, to find out about THIS generations' Nerd Girls strategy for staying in their science professions.

Here's a hint - they aren't quitting and they aren't dressing like their male counterparts. They are calling themselves "Nerd-a-licious."

Send your brainy daughter over to join nerdgirls.com

Empowering Girls: Early Puberty

2008-06-26T07:00:00.000-05:00

Please click on this link to see a CNN news story about Body of Knowledge: Puberty.

Girls today are reaching puberty around three years earlier than in previous generations. The average age of menstruation was 15 years, it is now 12. Many girls are menstruating at 9 years old, outward signs of puberty, such as pubic hair, as early as 6 years old.

The cause is unknown, so there is little parents can do to prevent it.

Some suspects include environmental toxicity, eating from estrogen-filled plastic products, medicinal hormones in the water supply, hormones in milk and estrogen-like chemicals in soy milk, inundating girls with sexualized images in the media, even rising obesity rates in today's children. Read more about these causes (with relevant source links) in my earlier article: Precocious Puberty.

Concerns of early and prolonged estrogen include higher risk of various cancers. So I wonder if the danger of estrogen-related birth control increases as well?

I have some concerns about fertility that I have yet to see addressed: If a girl's puberty process is on fast forward what does that mean for her future fertility? Will she reach menopause at the traditional time or will that also occur earlier? Can she still expect to be fertile in her late 20s and early 30s? Is there any way to answer that question before this generation of girls reach that milestone?

Here is an interview with Dr. Sherrill Sellman from iHealthTube.com where she calls it a public health disaster effecting one out of six people worldwide in this generation of children.

This news cast is saying they've identified a new factor - stress in the home.

Lest you think boys are in the clear and unaffected, think about who needs an overdose in estrogen, or phytoestrogens, even less than girls? Boys.

At this point, I have far more questions than I do answers for you. Bookmark and subscribe to Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me, as I research the issues, I'll keep you informed.

Empowering Girls: Bike Riding

2008-06-25T07:00:00.000-05:00

Ding Dong. Ding Dong.

Hi! What can I do for you?

Did you know your daughter is out riding her bike on the street?

Kids DO ride bikes in their neighborhoods. They have, for like, generations.

Well, I almost ran her over when she shot out in front of me and I was wondering if anyone was watching her.

Thank you for not running her over. I appreciate that.

I just wondered if anyone is watching her.

Well, thanks for letting me know. Thanks for not running her over. I'll talk to her about bike safety again.

Next Day.

Mommy can I go ride my bike?

Yes. Watch for cars. Pull over to the side if a car is coming. Never, ever shoot out in front of one. Look both ways. Don't cross if a car is coming. Be very careful please.

Perhaps I should petition the city council for a sign: Kids play here. Don't run them over.

Read how I taught her to ride her bike in B-R-A-V-E!

Visit Free Range Kids if you need support for letting your kids go outside and play.

Empowering Girls: Bossy Girls

2008-06-24T07:00:00.000-05:00

Kathleen Deveny has a great article in Newsweek titled In Praise of Bossy Girls, about how we hear girls, but never boys, called Bossy when they take charge.

We ask girls to walk a fine line between being strong and being likable. It's a line we typically allow boys to trample.

What's next?

Well, you KNOW what's next, because it's either happened to you or you've used all your powers of "nice" to avoid it.

As little girls they call us bossy. As women they call us BITCHY.

Praise your bossy daughter today! She's showing signs of being a leader.

Empowering Girls: Mud Fight

2008-06-23T09:50:00.001-05:00

It started to rain. The kids wanted to play in it. I went to make sure there was no lightening.

Come out in the rain with us Mommy.

I did. It felt lovely.

Then the little one came at me with a mud clod and threw it at me.

Laugh or lecture?

Before 3, everything they do is so adorable, I couldn't help but laugh.

I remembered a multitude of mud fights out at my grandmother's house in Utah. We would have the best time, my brothers and cousin and I, hurling mud at each other.

I do like mud.

It stopped raining so we turned on the sprinkler.

This is how Daddy found us when he came home from work.

Covered in mud.

We ran to a group shower to hose ourselves down and wash our hair.

I don't know if Ainsley's white shirt will ever come clean - it's been soaking in Oxyclean for a few days.

Empowering Girls: It's Just Not About Them

2008-06-19T07:00:00.000-05:00

By Tracee Sioux

As I pull crayoned notes out of your Kindergarten backpack and read, Ainsley loves Brayden, my heart longs to make you understand that it’s just not about them.

At the dawn of my 34th year, having given birth to my second and last child and knowing my childbearing years were over, I felt a wave of liberation wash over me sitting in yoga class.

It was, I think, the decision to have no more children that set me free. Or perhaps it was the vasectomy, which finally liberated me from the love chase I’ve been on my whole life.

This liberation feels like finally taking possession of my own brain. I look back at my own history and think of all the disrespectful positions with men that I’ve been in and wonder how I ever let myself be so compromised. I look back and wonder what on earth could have been wrong with me to have chased those particular men. Why would I put up with abusive, disrespectful or negative behavior? What the hell was I thinking?

It’s all so droll and disgusting. I can gloss it over and make it feel more respectable than it was, but it feels like my entire existence was controlled by my biological clock and my need to create these two perfect and wonderful children for 33 years.

Now that I have, now that I’ve accomplished my mission, I feel a sense of liberation that will allow me to demand more respect for myself than I ever felt worthy of before.

It feels like coming into my self.

Like a birthing of me.

My children are like the culmination of a struggle that I am allowed to leave behind now.

I am mother. Already. Done. Finished. Mission Accomplished.

It’s like I’m giving myself permission to move on. And in the moving on I notice that how I think and feel about my self in relation to men is vastly different.

My biological clock is off and now my real life can begin. My life, my existence, my soul, my wellbeing, my identity, my womanhood, my femininity isn’t about men. I no longer feel relational to them, not even your father. I don’t feel my life is about what I can offer them, give them or get from them.

Romantic love and sex no longer hold the same attraction or urgency for me anymore. It’s hard for me to even fathom why it was ever so important to me. It’s not my main purpose as it was for all those dating years that I look back on my wanting with a sense of regret.

What if I could have avoided all that desperation, longing and wanting? Maybe that wasn’t necessary to create these wonderful children. What if that was just a complete waste of my emotional energy?

What if I inherited my desperation from my mother and she from hers? What if that longing, that allowing men to define my worth by whether they wanted me, desired me, loved me or claimed me was passed from one generation to the next.

"Why does Brayden like Cat instead of me?"

"Brayden said I was cute today."

As I listen to these precocious words fall from your six-year-old mouth I wonder, have I done this to you? Have I passed on my desperation and longing?

How I wish I would have learned that it’s just not about them before I brought you into this world.

As I imagine your future of crushes, dating and heart breaks I want to pass my post-mother, post-birth, mid-life, newly discovered knowledge on to you in an effort to save you some drama and pain:
The process of being You, Ainsley, is just not about them.

Empowering Girls: No Name Calling

2008-06-18T07:00:00.000-05:00

This article was originally published on Body Impolitic.

by Tracee Sioux

It's effective to make some rules when children are still very young to ensure a healthy self-image, including body image.

Most parents forbid name calling when it comes to siblings or friends.

It's appropriate to make the same rule for name calling against themselves.

I punish my children for saying "I'm stupid" and "My legs are fat" the same as I would punish them if they said, "You are stupid" or "Your legs are fat."

Children learn to respect, accept and appreciate their bodies and skills or they learn to self-deprecate.

Respect, acceptance and appreciation doesn't lead to anorexia, self-mutilation or other self-destructive behaviors.

Self-deprecation has been shown lead to self-destructive behavior, depression, low self-worth, drug use and suicide.

Children learn from a Do As I Do as opposed to Do As I Say. Obviously mothers (and fathers) will have to forgo self-deprecation as a form of humor or bonding with other women.

Naomi Wolf said, "The mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem."

A woman can not stand in front of the mirror annihilating her body and her reflection and expect her children to have a positive self esteem. That's just not likely to happen.

My daughter holds me to this standard. I've spoken with her about my own accountability in this area. If I cut loose with an, "I am so stupid!" she will call me on it and has actually sent me to "time out."

I did go to time out, because I want her to know that what I did by calling myself a name was very, very wrong. If I refuse to live up to the standard I set for her then essentially, the message is that it's "not really that important."

When I read the statistics about teenage girls that declare that 13% of girls are depressed, 10 million women have an eating disorder, 81% of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat, 42% of 1st-3rd grade girls want to be thinner.

All because girls never learned to be kind to oneself?

I know I must vigilantly teach my daughter how to take care of emotional self and accept and appreciate her body from a very early age.

More on Body Image at Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me

Self-Loathing Sin Bank

Empowering Girls: Sexualization of Infants

2008-06-17T07:00:00.000-05:00

Participate in this writing exercise by finishing this sentence:

People should not buy high heels for infant girls because . . .

The company, Heelarious, thinks dressing infant girls in their first high heels "is hilarious."

I think it comes dangerously close to sexualizing infant girls and certainly it crosses the line in genderizing baby girls.

Please, don't start giving this at Baby Showers - what, really, is the mother supposed to say when she opens it? Wow, I'm sure she'll really learn to walk in these!

Read all the great reasons why parents shouldn't buy this exagerated genderization for their baby girls on Menstrual Poetry, Feministing, , Cynical-C Blog The Tomb of the Unknown Fan Girl, sunluvr, Shoewawa, The Star.

To be perfectly candid I allowed Ainsley play high heels that she received for her 2nd birthday and would even allow her to wear them in public on occasion - for fun.

I have also purchased for her these tacky little 1" heels that she wore every day for about a year. She wore one pair out and I bought her another. We handed them down to another girl. It made her happy. People thought it was adorable.

If infant high heels are over the line, did I cross it myself with those tacky plastic 1" heels? Or is the line somewhere in between the two shoes?

My personal hope is that heelarious goes out of business for lack of consumer interest. In other words, Don't buy them.

Another instance of sexualization of infants I saw this week was on an E*Trade commercial.

The computer generated baby boy says, "What a bad girl."
I hit pause - and questioned my reality,

"Did I hear that right? Did that B-A-B-Y boy just make a P-O-R-N reference?"

Nice E*Trade. Real Classy.

What do you think? Are heelarious and E*Trade sexualizing infants and is that fine with you?

Image Sources: You Tube, heelarious, and Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me.

Empowering Girls: Chore Chart

2008-06-16T07:00:00.000-05:00

Can we go out for Chinese?

No.

I want to we go out for Chinese?

No.

How come we can't go out for Chinese?

Because I just took a trip and we're going on vacation in a month and we need to save our money.

I think I need a job. I could do stuff around the house and you could pay me money for my jobs and then I could help you and Daddy pay for Chinese.

So you want to do chores for money to help us pay for stuff?

Right. I could clean mine and Zack's room and wipe off the table and help you with laundry.

I'm not paying you to clean your own room. It's your room, it's your responsibility.

Right. But I could do the other stuff.

Okay, we'll make a chart when we get home.

I think you should pay me $1 or $5 or $10.

A week?

No, a day.

Yeah. Well. I'll pay you $5 for a whole weeks worth of chores - IF you do them ALL. We'll put a check by your name when you do them.

Ainsley's Chores, $5 Week. 
Kitchen Table (7)
Dusting (1)
Windex (1)
Clean Z's Room (3)
My Bathroom (1)
Pick up Stuff (7)

Visit Casual Keystrokes for fancy Chore Chart instructions.

Empowering Girls: Great Dads

2008-06-15T09:05:00.001-05:00

by Tracee Sioux

When considering things that go into raising a confident, strong daughter having the benefit of a great dad ranks right up there.

As I watched my husband twirl Ainsley around a dance floor Friday night - and even flip her around just like her Dancing With the Stars fantasy - I thought, She's so lucky to have an exceptionally good dad.

Ainsley was an only child for 4 years and he never shied away from the traditionally "boy things" with her. Now that she has a brother, he does these things with both of them.

He wrestles with her nearly every day. He took her to Yankees and Mets games when we lived in NYC. He watched sports with her on TV. He takes her golfing with him. He supports her participation in athletics like soccer, t-ball and karate.

At the same time he always responds positively when she fishes for compliments about her beauty and fashion sense.

He will expect her to go to college and he will expect her to get good grades. He will expect her to expand her intellect over her appearance.

He never tells her she can't accomplish anything because she is a girl.

He does dishes and helps cleans up around the house. He's such a good example for what she can and should expect from a husband in her future.

He is gentle and loving with our son as well. Secure enough in his own masculinity to allow Zack to wear Mommy's red pumps, carry his money around in his sister's purse, or cuddle with a baby doll, without hysteria about turning him gay.

He prays with both kids most nights, teaching them how to access God and gives them a spiritual foundation.

He's home with us most nights and weekends, so regularly that Ainsley almost experiences his occasional working late as a rejection or trauma. I miss Daddy, she'll cry if he has to work late several days in a row. Often he'll come home for the evening and return to work once they've gone to bed.

He is patient and firm, in a way I can't seem to manage. They never question his authority, which makes me jealous and a little mad because it seems her hobby is to question mine.

I have very rarely seen him lose his cool, while I lose mine semi-regularly (see above paragraph for a simple explanation).

He grounds us.

I have never once seen him raise his hand to her or speak an insulting or belittling word to her.

Happy Father's Day, Honey. The kids and I nominate you Father of the Year.

Empowering Girls: Clean Your Room!

2008-06-13T07:24:00.001-05:00

EIGHT hours later we emerged with a giant garbage bag full of trash - kindergarten papers, church papers, artwork, broken toys, mucked up play makeup, pieces of jewelry, rocks and sea shells.

We also had a giant bag of clothes - clothes she's grown out of, pants that show her panties when she sits, and the ones she thinks are too ugly to wear.

She can now close her drawers and she'll be able to find her stuff for about a week.

In 6 months we'll go excavate again.

I wish the church would stop handing out loads of paper every time we walk through the door. She never looks at it again, but feels emotionally attached to it.

It wouldn't have taken so long if she hadn't gone through every single paper to remark, This was some of my best coloring." She was emotionally attached to every piece of scrap paper she ever scribbled on.

We can't keep everything Ainsley. If we want new things, we have to make room for them by getting rid of old things. (Said the mother who keeps more than one ugly sweater, lots of old notebooks, parts to who knows what, and pants that don't fit "just in case.)"

Empowering Girls: Young Women Vote

2008-06-11T15:11:00.001-05:00

by Tracee Sioux

Over drinks, after the convention, I spoke to young college-aged single women who voted for Obama and tried to see where they were coming from.

What I saw was that they haven't experienced sexism because they aren't mothers yet.

In the same conversation they told me about their dreams of a sexual Utopia in which they get to have sex with whoever they want and still reap the rewards and intimacy that comes from commitment. They told me all about their ultimate goal of bisexual polyamoury and truly believe it will work out for them.

One told me about her undying love and insanely romantic feelings for her perfect new husband, in the same sentence she professed her frustration at not finding the right BFF+sex.

Which just goes to show they still believe in fairy tales, be they ones from porn magazines or Disney.

In my head I kept thinking of that old Ronald Reagan line, I will forgive you your youth.

I sure felt conservative. I was wild in my youth, but experience makes one more realistic, I guess.

They seemed profoundly ungrateful for all the women/mothers who fought for their rights and autonomy. Maybe they were just oblivious?

How can take such new found and hard won rights for granted so easily? I guess if you are born to them it's easier.

It was as if they believed men had generously offered our rights up, rather than women having to viciously fight for them.

Don't you realize that you aren't guaranteed to have maternity leave? That most maternity leave is unpaid and you don't get it if you work for a small company? They are still allowed to fire pregnant women for being pregnant? That they are letting more men and single women work from home than mothers? Can't you see a few years into the future when you'll have children? Fight for it now so it will be there when you have children. You can't understand how painful it is to "choose," I told them.

They evidently haven't really heard enough about motherhood discrimination or how women are being subtly pushed out of the workforce. I don't think they had even heard what it was.

I had an academic understanding of my "choices" when I was their age too. My problem was that I believed a lot more choices would be available to me than there were when I got there. I suppose that's what those young women believe too.

The good news is that we've done our job so well in education that they don't experience sexism until they go get a job and get pregnant.

The bad news is that we've haven't rallied them to their own future causes.

I suppose every generation of feminists have felt this way. I'm quite positive I felt this way about my mother and her choices.

"I didn't want to vote for her just because she's a woman," they told me.

Wait, isn't that Rush Limbaugh's line? God knows I've been denied plenty of opportunities "just because I'm a woman." Isn't turn-about fair play? Evidently, not for them.

One young woman said at first she saw no hope for either Obama or Hillary and was prepared to support John Edwards. It wasn't until they started gaining momentum and coming to Texas that she chose sides.

They said they did a ton of research on Obama's site and I believe them. They said they made an educated decision. I believe that too.

She said that she wasn't anti-Hillary. What did it for her was the idea that Obama wouldn't take Political Action Committee or lobbyist money.

But, I also saw these same young women fight tooth and nail and take "Obama-sides" on issues that weren't between Obama and Hillary.

I hope those young women are right about Barack Obama. I really, really do.

With every passing generation there will - God Willing - be fewer and fewer issues for feminists. Eventually, the goal is that every young woman will have every reason to look at a feminist grandmother and not be able to relate to a word she's saying. That's success.

We're just not there yet.
(But, maybe a little gratitude wouldn't kill us.)

Check out my story on Blog Fabulous tomorrow to find out about the women I met who say those young women are foolish. They say they won't vote for Obama no matter what.

Empowering Girls: Mourning Hillary

2008-06-10T15:05:00.001-05:00

Upon my return from the Texas Democratic Convention I'm experiencing grief.

I'm mourning the death of a dream.

Prone to weeping. While doing my make up, driving the car, working out. I'm just quietly weeping. I haven't wanted to write. I'm depressed and emotional.

I talked to lots of people this weekend and some of it made me excited and some of it made me sad, angry or depressed.

I bought the I heart Obama shirt for my daughter, but my heart wasn't in it. My heart is broken.

I don't want that shirt. I don't heart Obama, she said. I heart Hillary.

She helped me put the Obama stickers on my car. We're resigned. Defeated.

I'm trying desperately not to be angry or feel betrayed by other women. Not to be angry at my husband. Not to be angry. But that only leaves me with the emotions of defeat and sadness and hurt.

Why?

I have yet to see a man champion any woman's issues, personal or political, as if they were his own.

My father has not. My brothers have not. My husband has not. My ex-boyfriends have not. My church leaders have not. My bosses have not. My elected officials have not.

Not. One. Single. Time.

Apathy is no better than misogyny.

Where there was a light at the end of the tunnel that seemed to get nearer, it has receded again at least 4 and possibly 8 years away.

Ainsley will be 14 years old before the light comes close again, unless the next president is a total failure. Which do I hope for?

I didn't realize how much I wanted Hillary to win. It's not really surprising. But, I regret not doing more. I should've donated more money. I should have wrote more about her. Made phone calls. I was too afraid of criticism.

Right now I'm just going about my business weeping and mourning.

Presidential Score: Men 44. Women ZERO.

Empowering Girls: Body Impolitic

2008-06-09T08:21:00.001-05:00

Laurie Toby Edison of Body Impolitic asked me to guest blog. I submitted Body Image: No Name Calling about how I try to teach Ainsley that the habit of self-deprecation is wrong and carries a real cost to the self-esteem.

Thanks to Laurie for the opportunity. Laurie will be sitting on the BlogHer panel about body image with me in San Francisco in July.

Please stop by and read it while I decompress from my political trip and spend extra time with my kids - they missed me.

There's another reason to leave the kids every once in a while - you can't beat the experience of seeing them run towards you with pure joy to see you. Who else is that happy when they see me?

Empowering Girls: Chelsea Clinton

2008-06-07T08:03:00.005-05:00

Don't miss my story on how Chelsea Clinton can compete with Miley Cyrus as a hero for girls. I saw her last night at the Texas Democratic Convention and wrote about it on Blog Fabulous.

Empowering Girls: Hillary Bus

2008-06-05T16:38:00.001-05:00

I am in downtown Austin at the Texas Democratic Convention. Sitting in a hotel lobby waiting for my ride.

I rode the Hillary Bus.

I left my suitcase on the bus, or it pulled away while I was looking at the other Democrats and spacing off. It's coming back.

I would post a picture of my bus-mates but I forgot my card reader. I need that to download photos.

I shot off an email yesterday to the other delegates and asked for a room cancellation or a roommate or a free room.

All the nice Democrats were super-helpful.

I will be staying in a 4 story house in the college area. I have a Hillary training meeting today (I don't know why, I watch the same news as you, but I love her so I have to wear the "Hillary 08" t-shirt and ride the Hillary bus to the end). I have a backup plan if it turns out too sketchy.

Then I'll go to the opening reception, though I have heard that I've wasted my money on it. A flat coke and a bag of chips will be served.

Then, and I'm most excited about this, is the Bloggers Caucus. I've got to pick up my blogger credentials (Does this get me into secret back rooms? Maybe, I don't know yet.) I will get to meet all my other contemporaries. Cool.

Empowering Girls: Daddy Weekend

2008-06-05T07:10:00.000-05:00

by Tracee Sioux

I'm on a bus with other political activists going to the Texas Democratic Convention in Austin. I'll be blogging from there. I won't go home until Sunday. A whole weekend when I can set aside my role as Mommy.

It's a Daddy Weekend. The kids will hang out with Daddy. He'll do things his way.

No, I did not cook them meals for 3 days. My man knows how to use a stove and a microwave and even my two-year-old can scavenge for an apple or cup of yogurt when he is hungry.

No, I am not the least bit nervous about leaving them. He's their father, not an axe murderer. He will get them to bed, feed them food, put clothes on them. He's perfectly competent.

No, I did not leave instructions. He can figure out how to manage our two children as well as, or sometimes better than I can.

Yes, the house will be likely clean when I return. It might be cleaner than I left it, in my mad rush to pack and not forget anything. If it's not, well my house usually pretty messy by Monday.

Yes, I think he invited his friends over to play cards, watch football and drink beer. I'm not sad about missing that party.

No, I don't feel guilty. Why should I? Being all Mommy all the time makes me feel disconnected from myself. I need to hear myself think without having someone demand a drink of me. The physical liberation I feel from not carrying around a 32 pound baby is startling. I feel more competent and confident when I feel like I have some power outside my own house.

Yes, I leave my children several times a year. Even if it's only overnight.

Yes, I always come back a better mother because I've filled my own cup, if you will. My soul will be refreshed, I'll have more confidence, I'll feel more competent, I'll be happier. I'll have more patience and energy as a mother.

Yes, the kids miss me. But, they also get a lot out of their Daddy Time. They feel a deeper connection and bonding with Daddy. It's healthy.

Empowering Girls: Political Power

2008-06-04T09:36:00.001-05:00

by Tracee Sioux

Guess where I am going to be tomorrow?

I'm going to the Texas Democratic Convention!

How many of you still feel disconnected to the political process?

Perhaps this is because you've never attempted to get involved? Never attended a school board or city council meeting? Never gone to a caucus or a Party meeting?

Here's the thing. We live in a Democracy. You have a right to get involved. The doors are wide open for you.

Those politicians - they work for you!

You don't like paying that tax? You think your public school sucks? You want healthcare for everyone?

Hello! It's election season! There's a 1,000 ways to be the change you want to see in the world!

Vote, Blog, Contribute Money, Write Letters to the Editor, Signage, Talk to Friends and Family, Go Door to Door, Write Representatives, Read & Research Bills - that's EMPOWERING.

Lucky you, I'll be blogging about how easy it is to get involved.

I couldn't believe how simple it was for me to be elected a delegate at my local party meeting. Do you know they said they have faced such voter apathy in the last 8 years that they haven't been able to send enough people to the convention as delegates? No one volunteered to go. What a shame.

I can't wait to sift through the process of the Texas Democratic Convention.

Perhaps, like me, you've been watching the Democratic Party's convoluted complicated system and thought, Who came up with that stupid idea?

No idea is set in stone in a democracy and I'm going to find out who has the power to make this motion:

One nation-wide primary election on the same day - winner of the popular vote becomes the party's candidate.

If a delegate has that power I'm going to make that motion. If an elected party leader has that power I'm going to petition them to make it.

We are not powerless in a Democracy. We can have as much power as we use.

My daughter will grow up around this empowering political attitude and she will know she has access to political power too.

Empowering Girls (& Boys): Reading and Math

2008-06-03T09:35:00.001-05:00

By Tracee Sioux

Girls suck at math and boys can't read.

Studies prove there is a gender gap in reading and math. But a new study tells us it's not a biological fact, but one of social conditioning based in gender inequality.

This matters because we have limited control over biological factors, but we can seriously effect our childrens' social conditioning.

The Organization for Economic Co-Operation and Development conducted a Programme for Internatinal Student Assessment (PISA) performance study of 400,000 15 year olds in math, science, reading, and problem solving. Their main intent was to discover science aptitude, which we discussed here on So Sioux Me yesterday.

The most significant part of the findings for me was that girls are performing on par with boys, but experience much lower confidence in their science abilities to male counterparts. As a parent that encourages me to build confidence in the scientific area.

In the areas of reading and math however, boys and girls had significantly different scores.

Girls Suck at Math

However, the study indicates a sociological disparity in math scores as opposed to a genetic one.

The gap between how girls and boys performed in math was less in countries with high scores in gender equality, like Sweden. In countries where gender inequality is significant, such as Korea, the gap between girls scores and boys scores was more extreme.

The more gender equity we achieve, the better our girls do at math.

Peggy from Women in Science explored the implications of the math gender gap.

There is also an article in Arse Technica about the math gap.

An article in The Boston Globe says Girls Don't Want to Do Science.

Girls don't want to do science though they're capable? The article says it's because girls like people and boys like things.

Perhaps this is because girls receive toys as babies that encourage their interaction with people and their focus is almost entirely on seeking the approval of people through beauty and dress and manners. Gifts to my daughter before even turing two were books about relationships and dress up clothes, and household caretaking items like kitchens.

While boys are exclusively given action toys like tools and cars and trucks and actively forbidden interaction with relationship toys like dolls and play kitchens?

By the time they turn two the gender scripting is complete, unless parents actively challenge gender roles.

Boys Can't Read

We should note, however, gender differences in mathematics were less than one-third as large as for reading, 11 points on average across OECD countries. This statistic hasn't changed since the study was performed in 2003.

Perhaps it's safe to assume that since the women's movement and the focus on gender equity in education that girls are making significant strides in math, but we're not doing so hot in engaging boys in language.

Our gender expectations from the second a child is born explains both gender gaps for me.

Last week, on Blog Fabulous, I wrote about the unenlightened idea that we disallow care-taking and nurturing behaviors by forbidding boys to play with dolls. Thus creating emotionally unattached and unempathetic husbands and fathers for future generations of women and children.

I would take that argument a step further and say we're disallowing boys full access to language.

How can we expect them to be great readers when we have a minefield of rules regarding how we allow them to express their feelings using their language skills?

Much of reading is about empathy and compassion regarding characters, yet we disallow outward learning activities - like playing with dolls - that teach compassion and empathy in boys. We forbid expression of such "feminine feelings" of sadness or affection even.

No wonder they are disconnected from the reading experience.

My hypothesis is that when we allow boys the same emotional and relationship vocabulary as we allow girls we're going to see boys engage in reading on par with their sisters.

Empowering Girls: Girls & Science

2008-06-02T12:38:00.001-05:00