West Side Slant

Shameful

2008-06-12T20:48:00.000-07:00

Pathetic Disgusting Collapse

That's all I can stomach writing at this point.

Palpable Hatred

2008-06-03T18:50:00.000-07:00

Go To Hell Already Cornbread

Meet the jackass responsible for being the first professional athlete to cause me to lose my mind while watching a sporting event, kicking off a lifetime of swearing blue streaks at ballers clad in kelly green. Many Lakers fans over the age of thirty will pinpoint Kevin Mchale's attempted murder of Kurt Rambis in game 4 of the '84 finals, as the moment that their hatred for the everything Boston was cemented forever. As much as I despise Kevin for his overall "McHaleness", at least he was man enough to deliver a clothesline during the heat of battle. Then you have Cedric Maxwell, the original choke-sign flash artist--taunting James Worthy between free-throws during overtime of that same game. I still wonder what would have happened to "Big Game" had he responded by trying to strangle Cornbread with the strap of his goggles--or maybe I'm just still wishing that he had. By now, it must be glaringly obvious that I lack the capacity to objectively comment on the upcoming NBA Finals. Neither can anyone who ever rooted or played for either franchise. That being said...Lakers in five. I'm just hoping that a Lakers title will finally convince Bill Simmons to pack up his act to head back home, so he can be with his own kind. I'm perfectly capable of ignoring his columns, and changing the channel when he appears on ESPN no matter where he lives. For more (and better) Celtics bashing please visit The Hater Nation as they chronicle the most contemptible Celtics of all time, beating us to the punch yet again.

Who Needs Noise?

Too much is being made of the fact that the Staples Center crowd isn't loud enough to provide an intimidating enough atmosphere for opposing teams. Some say it's because Lakers fans lack passion, but I know better. Staples is quiet because fans are either stoned, famous, or just too cool for school. But mostly just stoned. Don't believe me? All you have to do is visit the Staples Center outdoor patio during halftime of any Lakers game to get a breath of fresh air. Not only will you be treated to the usual metropolitan pollutants found in other cities, you'll get a killer contact high. You might also get lucky and spot a washed up B-list rapper hitting a joint fatter than your middle finger, then passing the roach to a punk-ass white kid before ducking back into the arena. So much for the days of getting your favorite player's autograph.

I love L.A.

Why Does Roscoe Tanner Still Have A Checkbook?

2008-05-28T17:36:00.000-07:00

Old Habits Die Hard

For those unfamiliar with the story of Roscoe Tanner, here's our unauthorized abridged version. Roscoe was a professional tennis player waaaay back in the seventies. As a southpaw with a strange but deadly serve, he captured sixteen titles including one Grand Slam event. He's also currently accused of capturing two Toyota Highlanders from a Knoxville dealership, by bouncing a check for 72K and change. According to the dealership, Tanner refused to return the vehicles when he was notified that his check had bounced. Something tells me that Roscoe wasn't too surprised to get that phone call. One could also speculate that Roscoe knew that the phone was going to ring back in 2000 as well, when he kited a check for a boat worth thirty-five grand. The intriguing thing about this story is the fact that in 2005 Tanner co-authored his autobiography, Double Fault: My Rise And Fall, And My Road Back. As much as I appreciate the opportunity to hammer someone for their hypocrisy and stupidity, I'm giving Roscoe a pass on this one. The blame here goes to the dealership, and someone should get fired over this fiasco. As someone who has been in sales for well over 20-years, I can't wrap my brain around how this happened. Apparently the practice of verifying funds in this day and age hasn't caught on in Tennessee. Insert your own 'neither has not bagnin' kinfolk' joke here. All hillbilly jokes aside, I know people in Tennessee--and have empirical evidence that they do in fact have Internet access. Check out poor Roscoe's Wikipedia page and tell me if you'd accept a check from him. I wouldn't take a $20-dollar bill from him without checking it with one of those counterfeit markers. The person who truly deserves some sympathy here is the poor salesman who thought he had covered his nut for the entire month with one test drive. It had to hurt when that number got wiped off the board.

Cry Me A River Walk

After nearly 24-hours filled with commentary, replays and talk-show banter the NBA has officially weighed in on Tuesday Night's "non-call" which lead to the Lakers taking a commanding 3-1 lead in the Western Conference Finals over the defending champs. Upon further review, the league has admitted that a foul should have been called on Derek Fisher. As a lifelong uber-Lakers fan, and someone who agrees that Brent Barry was fouled and should have been sent to the line for two free throws--it pisses me off that the league would even make such a statement. But I've only been watching hoops my entire life, what the hell do I know? I know that Tim Duncan took four steps through the lane on the way to an uncontested dunk. I know that Kobe was mugged on at least a half-dozen drives to the rim without getting to the line once. I'm also fairly certain there were more than several calls throughout the game that could have gone either way. One thing is certain, this entire controversy would've never happened if Pau Gasol could have managed to bury at least one out of two free-throws when the game was on the line. The Lakers are 11-3 for the 2008 playoffs, and every one of those three (road) losses can be attributed to poor free-throw shooting, and second chance points given up on the defensive end. I'm just glad that David Stern and the league are pulling out all the stops in order to fix the post-season for our beloved Lakers. It must really take a helluva lot of effort and coordination to get everyone on the same page in order to pull off such a caper. Thanks.

Welcome To Car Flag Country

2008-05-20T18:51:00.000-07:00

Enough Already, It's Silly

I'll spare all 17 of my loyal readers an explanation regarding my whereabouts over the last six months. Life happens and sometimes you have to get your house in order before partaking in frivolous activities, like commenting on the world of sports via the blogernet. That being said--People of Southern California, please cease and desist all purchasing and display of Lakers car flags immediately. Seriously, I'm the 2nd biggest Lakers fan I know so you need to hear me out on this one. You all look like a fools. There, I said it. I appreciate your enthusiasm, honestly I do. Every single 7-Eleven location in the state appreciates it too--especially at at nine bucks a pop. It doesn't make your '02 Camry look any cooler than the sexy whip that it already is, and makes me less reluctant to jerk with you on the road when you exhibit your vehicular stupidity. It inhibits the beauty that is my inner rage. Knock it off already.

Speaking Of Stupidity

As much as I would like to preview the NBA Western Conference Finals (Lakers in six), I feel the need to revisit my utter disdain for Utahns. Yes, it's Utahns...not Utahians--or so the natives claim. Screw the natives right? It's the American way. The important thing is that the Jazz were obviously unwitting pawns in David Stern's yearly master plan to guarantee a Lakers/Celtics match-up in The NBA Finals. When was the last time that happened? Oh, that's right--21 years ago! All kidding aside, I'm willing to compromise with Utahns. OK, here's the deal. I'll agree to admit that every victory that leads to a Finals appearance for the Lakers is an NBA based conspiracy. So long as they concede that the "religion" dominating their culture is based on grooming their female offspring for a lifetime of sexual servitude though fear tactics, isolation, and intimidation. At least Islam makes it's fanatics wait for the afterlife to become Virgin Surgeons.

All kidding aside, it's good to be back. There's plenty more venom to follow soon. Stay tuned.

Big Mouth Strikes Again

2007-11-23T13:09:00.000-08:00

Floyd's Bringing Sexy Back

You can't blame Floyd Mayweather of not respecting the legends who came before him. Why else would he mimic Ali by slapping the GOAT label on himself , leading up to his December showdown with Ricky Hatton? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...isn't it? Maybe he's run out of original material, which is entirely possible considering his mouth has been in overdrive since it formed its first word. Not only did Mayweather rip a page from Ali's playbook, he also dusted off an old Mike Tyson classic. Tyson was a master at getting into his opponent's heads, by talking about getting into their asses. Leave it to Mayweather to take it a step further, by telling Hatton, "I wish I was in prison with you. I'd make you my bitch." The telling part of that statement is Floyd's use of "I wish" as opposed to "If"...not that there's anything wrong with wishing for prison time with Ricky Hatton. Hey, to each his own. The best part of the exchange was Hatton's response, which was priceless. Click this Deadspin link to read what Ricky had to say.

Kobe Booed, TNT Blows Coverage

2007-10-30T22:19:00.000-07:00

A Smattering or a Chorus?

It's been twenty-six years since a Laker was booed during player introductions before a home game. We all knew Kobe was going to hear it last night, but we didn't expect TNT to drop the ball on us like they did. It's bad enough that we were deprived of local coverage because TNT had rights to the game, so we missed player intro's while they wrapped up coverage of the early game. Kevin Harlan reported that Bryant was received by a smattering of boos, while "Craig Sager and the Technicolor Dreamblazer" went with a chorus of boos. Which was it? A smattering or a chorus? I was riveted. I waited patiently for the kind folks at TNT to roll some tape during a break in the action so I could hear it for myself. I'm still waiting. Nice job TNT. Thanks for nothing. Luckily, I have a source who was at Staples Center for the season opener, and reported that about half of the capacity crowd jeered Kobe when he was introduced.

Update

Jose Offerman received an early Christmas present from a kind-hearted Superior Court Judge in Bridgeport, CT yesterday...two years probation. The two felony assault charges will be dropped provided he follows the terms of his probation. I'd love to see the actual terms of his probation on paper, just to see if the phrase "charge the mound" exists. Here's the full story.

People Bet On Tennis? Really?

2007-10-30T19:53:00.000-07:00

Either I'm completely naive, or I just don't pay enough attention to my surroundings. I guess it's a little of both, which is why I learn something new every day. CBS Sportsline reported today that some French tennis player who you've never heard of, was offered cash to take a dive in a match you never even knew took place. Aurand Clement revealed that he was approached, and refused "without a fraction of a seconds hesitation" to bleaux a match. Check out the full story if you care about European tennis scandals. I'm still having a hard time wrapping my pea-brain around the concept of gambling on tennis. Has any human being ever gone to Vegas, got too loaded on a Saturday night, and missed the Sunday morning wake-up call to place bets on the big tennis match? Doubtful. But who am I to judge? I haven't hit an NFL parlay all year and my fantasy teams stink, (Drew Brees can rot in Hell) so what do I know? Suddenly, betting on tennis doesn't seem so ridiculous. So long as it's Wii Tennis, and the money is on yours truly. No joke. I'm a holy terror at that game. Undefeated...you don't want none of this.

New And Improved Hazing

2007-09-29T14:51:00.000-07:00

Now With Sodomy!

Why is it no surprise to me that the following, and rather disturbing item comes to us courtesy the state of Utah? I don't know, it just seems to fit...no pun intended.

Three high school football players in Salt Lake City have been arrested and charged with multiple first-degree felonies including, forcible sodomy, attempted forcible sodomy, and forcible sexual abuse. This from the Desert Morning News:

In one incident, a student said that after East's football game against American Fork on Aug. 30 and before the game against Highland on Sept. 6, he was jumped by two students in the locker room, according to court documents. The two juveniles held the victim down while a third attempted forcible sodomy, court documents state. The boy was able to escape by fighting off his attackers.

First off, that kid is a bad-ass for getting himself out of that pickle. Second, thanks to the Desert Morning News, and court documents for showing some discretion by not letting us know which end that sick little punk was trying to forcibly sodomize. Some things are better left unknown. You can check out the full story by clicking here.

Best Sports Month--Ever

Hell, we had a hard enough time getting through September without our heads spinning clean off of our necks. Watching eight football games at once, while monitoring two fantasy leagues and multiple parlay tickets can be rather exhausting. Having Drew Brees as our FFB QB hasn't helped matters much either. You have no idea how much I hate that man right now.

October offers no let up, as the first quarter of the NFL season wraps up this weekend. This is typically the week that the picture tends to become a little bit clearer, as four teams usually separate themselves from the rest from the rest of the pack and are considered "elite". The Pats, Colts, and Steelers are already there. If Dallas handles the Rams like everyone expects they will, the 'Boys will round out the top four. Damn, the NFC is worse than ever before.

The MLB playoffs get underway next week with our beloved Halos going up against the one team no Angels fan is looking forward to seeing. Boston has historically owned the Angels in post-season play, so you'll have to excuse me if I'm not exactly fired up for the best-of-five series that gets underway next week in Boston.

The NHL is underway. WSS doesn't care all that much unless the Kings are good, and even then we don't pay much attention untill the playoffs. I'm sure there will be a sweet on-ice brawl or two we may highlight over the next several months, but that's about it. There's your NHL update for the year, unless NBC figures out how to handle the playoff coverage a little bit, no...much better this season. If you like puck, go here.

UPDATE

Norv Turner is still the head coach of the San Diego Chargers.

Juice Facing Multiple Felony Counts

2007-09-16T19:51:00.000-07:00

While the rest of the country was busy "televisiphonernetting" during the early games on Sunday, America's favorite human scourge was being arrested in Vegas for his casino "sting operation." For frequent updates, and everything else O.J. related visit the Drudge Report. Matt Drudge almost has a bigger hard-on for that creep than Fred Goldman. Thanks to our good friend and omnipotent FFB commissioner Ed Lotwis, for lending his photoshop expertise to this post.

***UPDATE***

This just in. I've always wanted to say/write that. O.J. Simpson is being held without bail. He will likely be charged with seven felonies, and one gross misdemeanor according to the Clark County District Attorney.

Fantastic, another trial and subsequent media circus as O.J. fights for his freedom. Here's the first noteworthy item--a brand new mugshot...Yaay! A softer, gentler O.J. Let's see what Time Magazine does with this one.

More Breaking News

Somehow TMZ managed to get their hands on an actaul audio tape of the alleged robbery as it took place. Click here to listen to that audio.

Chowdergate

2007-09-11T20:21:00.000-07:00

Busted

Finally, a story about cheating in professional sports that has nothing to do with a player giving himself a pharmaceutical edge. This is good old fashioned cheating, albeit with a technological twist. By now everyone knows that the NFL has evidence that the New England Patriots have violated league rules, and are about to have their day with a commissioner whose trigger finer is itchier than Lindsay Lo...nah, too easy. I'm not going to get into the argument of whether stealing signs is right or wrong, or if it's cheating. I'll leave that for the people who still call in to radio programs, which is like so 1998. Hey, we all did stupid things in our twenties. The thing that cracks me up about the Pats getting nailed, is the fact that they were apparently caught red-handed, recording the Jets coaching staff from their own sideline! C'mon, that's got "stupid criminal" show on Spike TV written all over it. Who's the bigger dunce? A) The guy who gave a stick-up note to the bank teller on the back of his personal check, or B) The moron who tried to break into a hotel room with his own credit card, and broke half of it off in the door? I'll go with C) The idiot caller I heard on the radio on my way home from work, who suggested that the league shouldn't dock the Patriots draft picks, and just suspend Belichick for a few games instead. Yeah right, Bill could coach that team to the playoffs from a cave in Afghanistan with nothing but a cell phone and a notepad. From the looks of it, Roger Goodell is going to come down hard on New England and hit them where it really hurts...on the roster.

I still can't figure out why the Pats were so brazen in their crooked ways. Wouldn't it be easier to just plant someone in the stands? But then again, what the hell do I know? I don't even get paid for writing this drivel. Hindsight...she sure is a bitch, isn't she?

The Final Countdown

2007-09-05T23:10:00.000-07:00

The fantasy drafts are over, the nine-millionth report from training camp has been filed, and it's finally time for NFL regular season action. Leave it to our proclivity for procrastination to wait until the eleventh hour to file an official season preview. Better yet, we farmed it out to our favorite (and only) guest columnist; Timothy Bartolini. Tim's a weird dude, and after reading his preview I'm thoroughly convinced that he is tip-toeing along society's lunatic fringe. The guy's got the Broncos facing the Rams in the Super Bowl! Whatever. Although I despise both teams and think the prediction is laughable, I'm kind of rooting for Tim on this one just so can I re-post this in January.

NFL Season Preview

by Timothy Bartolini--Guest Columnist

Football is upon us ladies and gentleman (yeah, like any women read this blog). Soon your Sundays will be chock-full of commercials for Viagra, Cialis, Bud and Coors...and of course Ford and Chevy. There will be game breakdowns from ex-athletes that speak poorly, and plenty of second-guessing from Philadelphia Eagles fans (ie: ME). There will be cute "C's" with stars on the chests of some players that are designated "Captains" and more ugly throwback uniforms than you can shake a stick at. Somewhere between all of this horseshit, there will actually be a football game or two. It'll take you a while to find it but here is a tip; when the game is about to start back...up there will be animated robots stretching and warming up next to sponsors and score overlays. What are these robots warming up for? You saw Terminator... you know what's coming. Anyway, I won't get into how terrible the presentation has become, how bad the announcers are or how lame the product is these days. That's all great stuff for another time, this week it's a celebration. I'll admit, I don't even watch football anymore but I pay some attention, so without further ado; this is my 2007 "I Don't Give a Shit, I am Riddled with Apathy Toward Modern Football" NFL Preview. Now on to the genius.

NFC East (The only division this Jersey boy really cares about)

COWBOYS - There isn't a ton funny to say about the Cowboys. They seem like a legitimate contender. Wait? Who is their coach? Seriously? The guy from Buffalo? Hmmm... Rob "I get sacked more than Elton John's Taint" Johnson isn't playing is he? Whew... That's a 9-6 season for Dallas.

EAGLES - This is my team so I have plenty to say. A coach who is desperately trying to figure out how to get the Bucs to sign his sons, a run-stopping leader on a run-suspect defense was let go, a new punter that can't hold onto the snap and an old return man that has been basically out of the NFL for a couple years after hopping a fence and screwing up nerves in his leg. Thank God the Giants and Redskins are in this division! 8-8 for the Eagles.

REDSKINS - They looked good at the end of last year and they should be better. Lets face it though, we expect them to be good every year and it just doesn't happen. Portis will be injured, Gibbs will still coach like it's 1992 and The Skins WILL finish 8-8 (losing twice to the Eagles.)

GIANTS - Eli is hot for the first few games and starts to suck. Shockey hurts something. Barber left because his back hurt from carrying the offense for the last 6 years, and the team hates their coach. They are still not sure how giving up on Coughlin two years straight didn't get him fired, but here he is sitting at 6-10.(TIM NOTE: From here on out this is gonna be short and sweet. I don't know anything about the rest of the league, and no one cares about most of these teams anyway. You just want to know who is taking the division and why so I'm just doing you a solid and truncating it. I'm not a saint but I'm pretty damn close

NFC NORTH

VIKINGS come into their own and take it. Think about it, the BEARS lost some key guys on D and can't be expected to win in spite of Grossman two years in a row. The PACKERS are better than expected but just not good enough and The LIONS are still the same joke they have been for the last 8 years... no need to rehash. Wait, I think Matt Millen just drafted another wide-receiver, ZING!

NFC SOUTH

SAINTS take it. I didn't "fantasy" draft anyone on their team, so they will be injury free and ready to rock (which is the exact opposite thing I said at work, everything I say officially means nothing). And "you know", the FALCONS "you know" play better than if they "you know" had a retarded felon at the wheel. The BUCS have Trot now and I wish them well but it's not happening this year. In Carolina, Steve Smith is looking to pull a hammy while trying desperately to keep making Delhomme look decent... again.

NFC WEST

The RAMS are the big winners here followed closely by the (we can't sneak up on teams two years in a row) 49ers. The SEAHAWKS are right there until the two guy I "fantasy" drafted (Hasselbeck and Branch) replace their ACL's with wet napkins and get into a "let's hit each other in the knees with bats, and screw Tim's fantasy team" contest. If you think this is far-fetched you have not witnessed my fantasy sports past. Oh yeah, I forgot about the Cardinals--I'll get to them next year, I swear!

So what's that? COWBOYS, VIKINGS, SAINTS and RAMS with The EAGLES and 49ers in the Wild Card spot. Somehow the Rams go to the Superbowl. You wanted me to say The Saints but I'm just not feeling it, sorry. Quick, to the AFC!

AFC EAST

PATRIOTS...duh. The JETS have will have a nice year and the BILLS and DOLPHINS will get really good draft picks in 2008. Don't you dare think I'm getting predictable because I picked the Patriots though. I don't think they are going to the Super Bowl or anything... I'll explain later. "Just a little patience... yeahhhhhhh...."

AFC NORTH

This one is tough. I really have no idea and no opinion here. The one thing I do know is that the BROWNS are not the ones making this division tough to call. Let's give this division to the RAVENS. I'm going to say the BENGALS are in second just because I feel like it, and the STEELERS finally start to realize that Rothlisberger was a product of a superior rushing game, and not Dan Marino's pavement eating little brother. Oh shut up, those jokes will never get old!

AFC SOUTH

COLTS. All done. Must be nice playing in a division that rivals the colon in shit retention, but here it is. And yes, I'm looking at you TEXANS.

AFC WEST

The BRONCOS followed by a LT-less CHARGERS team. Right now I would like to apologize to all of Southern California for drafting LT number one in this year's fantasy league. It's a curse I have to live with, I really am sorry. The CHIEFS lost too many key guys the last two years for Larry Johnson to be truly effective and the RAIDERS are kinda cute, like that dirty kid in the peanuts cartoons but like Pigpen. Oakland is a mess, and nobody wants to be associated with these turds...not even the number one pick in the draft.

That leaves us with the PATRIOTS, RAVENS, COLTS and BRONCOS with the CHARGERS and JETS in the wild card spots. The Patriots just look too perfect this off season. Every year we see a team make "perfect" moves and expect the best and it just doesn't work out (think Lakers with Malone and Payton). I see that happening this year for the Patriots. Moss and Stallworth will be dinged up all year, and they will never reach the potential everyone sees. I am giving the Super Bowl nod to the Broncos who play lights out with a ton of heart in a season where they honor some fallen teammates. I know it sounds sappy but Jake the Snake is gone, and I think they are going to do really well this year.

The big reveal, BRONCOS over RAMS in the Superbowl. Let's face it folks, say whatever you want because this league is totally unpredictable, which seems to be what everyone loves about the league. I personally don't like it. Honestly, I just like to write and spout nonsense because I'm a loser, and I have no friends. Consider reading this a huge waste of time...unless I am right. Then you may worship me because I obviously knew exactly what I was doing...and girls think I'm sexy.

Editor's note: Told ya' he was "special"

Supinate The Wrist?

2007-08-27T19:16:00.000-07:00

Professor Jaworski's Weekly Jewel

It looks like this is going to be a season-long feature, as Jaws delivered another gem last night during MNF. I certainly hope Jaworski isn't using all of his best material during the preseason, nah...he's too smart for that. Naturally, Jaws is at his best when he is commenting on the action(s) of a QB during a replay. Monday night was no exception. Early in the third-quarter, Joey Harrington had the Falcons just outside of the red zone as he hit a wide open Roddy White in the corner of the end zone with a beautiful pass--which White dropped. Here's what Jaworski had to say during the iso-cam replay of Harrington,

"See, right here...look at this--nice. Supinated the wrist Tony, as we like to say in the quarterback profession...laid it right in the bread basket."

"Soup-in-eight-ed" the wrist? I damn near busted a finger as I scrambled over to dictionary.com for the definition of supinate.

Vick Finds Jeebus

What a shock. Somebody gets in trouble, and *poof*...they find Jesus. Jesus, the all powerful crime cleanser! Look, I have no problem with religion and deities, I'm just tired of criminals telling us how they "found" Jesus in some lame attempt to be forgiven by the public, and garner leniency from the courts. How about this...find Jesus, and keep it to yourself. Seriously, Jesus probably doesn't want the rest of creation thinking that he and Vick are "boys" whether he forgave him or not, for...having...dogs...killed.

Along with the announcement of his new friendship with the son of God, Vick took some time out of his post-plea press conference to throw down some apologies. He apologized to Roger Goodell, Arthur Blank, his Falcons teammates, and of course...the kids. Yes, the kids. All of those fresh-faced wide-eyed dreamers who aspire to be a herpes-spreading, run first, pass second QB with no pocket presence, that has...dogs...killed.

Hump Day Brain Delay

2007-08-22T19:25:00.000-07:00

Greed Is Good

Look kids! Another wonderful, semi-regular feature from West Side Slant, aimed at staying current without having to do any real work. Wednesdays are tough enough as it is without having to come up with what we like to call "material" around here. Therefore, we'll rely on the rest of the Internet for content and shamelessly promote blogs that we like. Speaking of shameless, stay tuned for the seamless segue mentioning our new sponsor later in the post. We're not selling out, we're buying in baby! Bud Fox was a puss.

Money Players, a site dedicated to the facts and figures of big money ballplayers weighs in on the Michael Vick situation.

So which is worse, killing dogs or betting on dogs? Uh, we'll go with spreading herpes.

Is there a worse bet than on a dog fight? Probably not, but preseason NFL football comes awfully close. But hey, if there's a buck to be made (or lost) we're all for it...so long as no animals are harmed in the process. Visit our friends at BetUS.com for current NFL preseason lines. Damn I'm good.

Speaking of greed, Garret Anderson was hording RBI like they were going out of style the other night. Our friends at The Hater Nation had something to say about his detractor(s). THN is a pretty cool site, and the post comments are always worth checking out.

Switching from greed to desperation, America's least favorite tomato can, Peter McNeeley has announced his intention to return to the ring. Apparently, his 'boys' are better swimmers than he was a fighter. Similac ain't exactly cheap, so it looks like it's time for Pete to get his face smashed in for cash...again. Being a human body-bag has got to suck on so many different levels. Maybe all of the frontal lobe damage makes it tolerable. Check out The Sweet Science for the full story.

Does anybody care what the Ottawa Senators new sweater will look like? I didn't think so. But The Universal Cynic sure the hell does. Hey, we all have our crosses to bear. TUC is a top-rate commentator stuck in a one-horse town. Bookmark it, and check back when the NHL and NFL are in full swing.

Chavez Ravine En Fuego

2007-08-21T14:20:00.000-07:00

We love ESPN's The Bronx Is Burning for many reasons, but overall have to grade the mini-series a shaky B-, teetering on a C+ so far. Cut the 'Son of Sam' nonsense, slap this baby on HBO, and we've got an A+. Going into the series, I was primed and ready to be disappointed. After all, an actor I had never heard of was going to portray my boyhood idol. Yes, I was a weird kid growing up here in So Cal. Mr. October was my guy. Try going to grade school in La Puente with a Yankee cap on during the fall in the late '70s. At age 7, the 1977 World Series was the first sporting event that I vividly remember caring about, and Reggie Jackson made an impression on me that lasts to this day. That being said, Daniel Sunjata has done a remarkable job in portraying Jackson, and John (Jesus) Turturro deserves an emmy or three as Billy Martin.

Enjoy this in-game audio clip we found on You Tube while searching; 1977 World Series. Whoever decided to mic-up Tommy Lasorda was a genius. It's the top of the 2nd inning, game 4 with the Yanks holding a 2-1 series lead. Lefty Doug Rau had just given up one earned run on three consecutive hits, resulting in runners at 2nd and 3rd with Craig Nettles coming to the plate. That's all Tommy needed to see, as he headed out to the mound to yank Rau and stall for time while Rick Rhoden warmed up. Turn up your speakers and enjoy, as Lasorda and Rau get into it on the mound in front of the entire Dodger infield. As with all manager rants, make sure the room is free of children and bosses. Count the F-blasts for fun.

"Ookie Ice" Rocks The Mic

2007-08-20T20:36:00.000-07:00

Some people say that every cloud has a silver lining. Well "some" people are just plain stupid. Try living by that philosophy when a real tragedy happens upon you, or a loved one. But in the case of the Federal Government vs. Ron Mexico...silver linings out the arse baby! Yes, I feel bad for the dogs mainly because they were tortured and bred into a hellish existence of depravity, squalor, and blood lust. Just watching HBO's Real Sports investigative report of the dog fighting culture down south made me physically angrier than anything I've seen on television in my entire life, well except for that BS "tuck rule" abomination back in '02. Where was I? Oh yeah, the silver linings. First of all, these are Pit Bulls were talking about. A breed of dog that has absolutely no business being a domesticated pet...anywhere. People should have to go to a zoo to even view those hounds from hell, and no it's not the owner...it's the breed. Sadist rednecks just add a hair trigger to an already ferocious killing machine. Silver lining #2; a herpes spreading superstar athlete will be out of the "groupie banging" business for a while. Now all we need is for Derek Jeter to change his name to Tony Puertorico, and get brought up on gerbil fighting charges. Yeah I know, that was wrong...but it felt so right.

Silver lining #3; all of the funny stuff on You Tube relating to this entire ordeal. Or so we thought. Don't even bother searching. It's the same 2 or 3 lame jokes, with crappy video or animation everywhere you look. Hurry back SNL! But there was one gem that stood out amidst a sea of unwatchable garbage. Ever wonder what it would sound like if Michael Vick responded to the world by rapping? Me neither. Thank God we have this. This is a cut from a rapper pretending to be Vick. The only thing that would make this better is if it really was Vick laying down the vocals. "Making it rain in the kennel" is the line that got me. The sad thing is, it wouldn't even shock me if it was really him. Whatever happened to simple crimes like double homicide, forcible rape, and defecating in someones laundry? Ahhh, the good old days.

This is NOT Michael Vick Rapping. Just Pretend It Is, Like I Do.

Rotate The Spheroid

2007-08-13T20:20:00.000-07:00

Jabber Jaws

We love Jaws, the film and the former QB turned telestrator guru. Ron Jaworski made his MNF debut this week, and didn't disappoint as he threw out an absolute gem. Commenting on Jay Cutler during a slo-mo replay of a pass completion, Jaws said that Cutler really knows how to, "rotate the spheroid." Rotate the spheroid? I always thought that's what my doctor is going to do to me when I hit 40. Hey, don't blame me for a cheap prostate, uh...crack. Blame it on the brilliance of one Mr. Ronald Vincent Jaworski. In one breath he emphasized the beauty of a tight spiral, and reminded me that I'm only two and a half years away from being finger diddled by some pill-pushing HMO Nazi in a Blue Shield smock. Thanks Jaws. Kudos to ESPN for putting him in the booth next to Tirico who does a decent job at best, and Kornheiser who's the kind of guy you go out of your way to avoid in public, or in a social setting. I understand that it's tough to put together a solid booth crew for any televised sporting event, let alone Monday Night Football. But I have a solution. This solution is by no means a short term fix. Give me some credit here people...I'm a visionary. My vision will make every televised sporting event a pleasure to listen to as well as watch. There is a solution...

Clone Gus Johnson!

It may take 30 years or so, but if we start now we could have a play-by-play master race of Guses. Imagine March Madness with Gus manning the desk, throwing coverage to all of the other Guses calling the regional action. Same thing with everything else, from the Super Bowl to the X-Games, and PA recordings at international airports. Forget the fact that Gus hasn't signed off on this himself...we know people.

Gallery Goons

Here's something that has been annoying the bat-guana out of me for a very long time, idiots in the gallery. I was all set to enjoy Tiger's quest for his 13th major on Sunday. Jim Nantz was calling the action and I was armed with my fluffiest pillow. I knew I was in for some great napping before I had to "come to" for the final few holes. Then the inevitable happened. It took exactly one split-second for some inbred hayseed to holler, "IN THE HOLE!" during Tiger's follow through on his first shot of the day! Thanks a lot you chromosomal challenged yokel. I sincerely hope you got your jollies by playing it over and over again for your wife/cousin when you got back to your Tulsa adjacent trailer park, "Lookee here Crystal, I'm on national teeeveee!" Seriously, DVR's and Tivo should come with an IQ test. Individuals with low scores, and those living below the Mason-Dixon line should not be allowed to record live sporting events for that kind of behavior alone. Like I said, I have a vision.

Hiatus Terminus

2007-08-04T14:17:00.000-07:00

Well, it was fun while it lasted. After completely ignoring the sports world for two months to enjoy the summer, and move the WSS command post a few miles down the road, we're back. And to be quite honest, we're a little disappointed with you sports world. We go away for a little while, and all hell breaks loose while we're gone. Dog fighting? Point shaving/inflating? Seriously, these kind of stories need to break when everyone is paying attention. Be a little more considerate next time, okay?

755**

The picture pretty much says it all. We gave Barry a second asterisk just for coming off as complete jerk for the better part of the last twenty years. Bonds took a Clay Hensley letter-high fastball the other way, over Petco's left field wall to tie Hank Aaron for the all-time home run record. As expected, Bonds rounded the bases to a mixed reaction from the San Diego crowd.

The best shot of the night was the iso-cam action of Bud Selig's stoic non-reaction to the historic moment. Bud looked like a hillbilly groom at a shotgun wedding. He clearly didn't want to be there, but sadly there was nothing he could do about it. After the game Selig offered his official, prefabricated, counsel approved statement.

"No matter what anybody thinks of the controversy surrounding this event, Mr. Bonds' achievement is noteworthy and remarkable."

Selig went on to say that either himself or a league representative will be in attendance until Bonds breaks Aaron's record,

"out of respect for the tradition of the game, the magnitude of the record and the fact that all citizens in this country are innocent until proven guilty."

This guy hasn't learned a thing from Roger Goodell.

Must Read

In light of the NBA referee scandal involving Tim Donaghy, Ric Bucher of ESPN The Magazine offers an in depth look at the state of officiating in the NBA. After reading this, throwing a chain-link fence around the court and letting the players call their own fouls doesn't sound like too bad of an idea. Hell, it would do wonders for the ratings alone.

Dog Days = Guest Columnist

2007-06-12T20:20:00.000-07:00

Well, we're finally at the time of year when we can't find anything sports related to get excited about, let alone comment on. I imagine that'll change the second anything new develops with Kobe and his supporting cast full of D-leaguers. We can't talk about the Angels just yet, as thirty-plus years of watching that team has taught us not to get excited about the Halos until at least September, mid August at the earliest. So it's time to do what any other blogger in a summertime haze, who cares more about golf and girls in half-shirts this time of year would do; bring in a guest columnist for the sake of a fresh post.

Meet Tim Bartolini, our first guest columnist. Tim's an interesting young man who fell off of the cheesesteak truck several months back, and is now trapped behind our Orange Curtain. Tim has three passions: Philadelphia sports, misogyny, and cinema. Not necessarily in that order. A couple of weeks back, Tim wrote a review of the Rambo trailer when it first hit the internets. So, I sandbagged it for a rainy day. You'll see more from Tim in the future, especially when I feel like phoning it in. The views expressed by our angry little friend do not reflect the views of WSS, we just like his style. After the review, check out the carnage for yourself.

Prevue Revue
by Tim Bartolini

John Rambo (Rambo IV)

Sly Stallone has directed and will release an all new installment in his First Blood/Rambo franchise. Sly's career hit a decade-long skid after the under appreciated Cop Land. Many failures followed; Get Carter, Eye See You, Detox, Burn Hollywood Burn. As a life-long fan of Stallone I'm sad to say the list goes on and on... and on. Is Sly giving another nod toward his fans like he did with his recent Rocky movie or is this just a cash grab? I'm a huge fan but it really chaps my ass when celebs put a death grip on fame and never let it go. Say it ain't so Sly

We have all seen when celebrities just can't let go of their fame with dignity. Grasping desperately for some last bit of relevancy. Madonna kissing Britney Spears (*gasp* that 50 year old Madonna is still so edgy!), Aerosmith doing the Superbowl halftime show with Kid Rock and Nelly (yawn), or when Sting did a duet with the artist formerly known as Puff Daddy. How about when Sting sold his Desert Rose song to ummm... every company that offered him 30 seconds of airtime between laugh tracks? Or when he got back together with band members he; A: Hates and B: Knows hate him. Okay I hate Sting, I admit it. Anyway, somehow Sly made a good Rocky movie 15 years later than he should have. A new Rambo movie makes me think he's just pushing his luck and pulling a "Sting." Just grasping for the aforementioned "last bit of relevancy" and yes, it makes me worry.

Did I say "makes"? My bad, I meant MADE me worry. You know why? Because I just saw three minutes of the movie and ummm... IT KICKS TITS! Now seriously... people say "kicks tits" all the time and never really mean it, but this movie trailer takes "tits" and physically boots them like there is candy inside. Okay skeptics, go on and say it. I'm biased, I'm an idiot, I'm gay for Stallone. Whatever... I just miss REAL action movies. Call me a purist.

Everyone has been blindly accepting anything that comes out in this multiplex world of entertainment that's getting "safer" every god damned day. Look at Live Free or Die Hard, (wow... such a bad title) the fourth in the Die Hard franchise which opens this summer. Die hard, one of the baddest-assed action movies of all time has been vagina-fied into a PG-13 sequel so it will appeal to a wider audience. I want my reaction to be seen by an all ages audience so to this I will declare; WHAT THE HECK?! Are you kidding me?

Whether people are ready for it or not, John Rambo doesn't give a safe Hollywood HOOT about demographics and target audiences. He doesn't care about America's delicate sensibilities, and he sure as hell doesn't care about the enemy's preference of NOT being mutilated by a 60 year-old former green beret. Go check it out on You Tube, I'll be here in three minutes.

Did you see it? Sicker than plague right!? I don't know about you but I swear, my testicles grew biceps after watching that shit!

This movie is going to pull ZERO punches as long as the MPAA doesn't get in the way. Sly is killing and running better than a man half his age. Here's the thing though; beyond all of the ass kicking there is a sense that Stallone is putting the same kind of "What would fans of this franchise want?" line of thinking into this, as he did with his last Rocky movie. What a novel idea; giving the people that made you successful what they want rather than trying to make something for 15 year-old kids that don't give a shit. That doesn't happen often, so if you did enjoy the Rambo movies at some point, take time to appreciate what Sly is making FOR YOU. This type of thing just doesn't happen anymore, and might not again for quite a while. Besides, who am I to accuse John Rambo of a cash grab? Did you see what he did to those people?

Some People Wanna' Fill The World With Silly Love Songs

2007-06-04T21:41:00.000-07:00

What's wrong with that? Well nothing, unless they're about Robert Horry. Not that there's anything wrong with 'Big-Shot' Bob, he'll always have a special place in hearts that pump purple and gold. But writing a Gin Blossom-ish pop diddy, dripping with affection seems a bit much. I came across this while searching You Tube for great moments in Lakers playoff history. Yeah I know, pretty pathetic. But with what's going on right now, can you blame me? Thank God for You Tube, the sports fan's personal flux capacitor. This song does have one line that elicited a chuckle at about the 1:20 mark: "He doesn't get commercial spots, he just hits game winning shots." Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go write a break-up tune about Mitch Kupchack. Good luck in the quest for your seventh ring Robert.

Just Another Day In Lakerland

2007-05-29T18:51:00.000-07:00

A Tale Of Two Jerrys

ESPN is reporting that according to team insiders, Jerry West will rejoin the Los Angeles Lakers on July 1st as a "consultant." In a related story, Kobe Bryant has refuted a report by Ric Bucher that Bryant gave the organization an ultimatum, leading to West's return:

"I would love for him to be a part of this," Bryant said. "But it's not something where I demand he comes here. All I can do is offer my thoughts. I love being a Laker. I want to retire a Laker. I want to fix this thing, or at least help any way I can."

There are a lot of people, like Adam of The Hater Nation, who are of the opinion that Kobe calls the shots when it comes to front office decisions. They're the same people who mistakenly believe that Kobe ran Shaq out of town. Jerry Buss is the one who sent O'neal packing, for having a fat gut and an even fatter mouth. There's no doubt that Kobe is consulted when it comes to the direction of the organization, it just seems a little far-fetched that he is throwing down ultimatums. I think it's safe to assume that most organizations usually consult their franchise player before making a big move, especially if he is one of the league's best. For example, if you think that Randy Moss was signed by the Patriots without Tom Brady's blessing--you're out of your mind. Besides, it's not like bringing back Jerry West is an original concept. The rumor of his return started the very second that it was announced he was leaving Memphis, it has nothing to do with Kobe Bryant.

It's just too bad that West's duties won't include showing Mitch Kupchack the door. Most Lakers fans debate which is worse; Kupchak's knees, or his ability as a GM. Believe it or not, there are a few Kupchack apologists out there. They like to bring up the fact that other organizations aren't willing to deal with the Lakers. They remind us that half of the league's general managers are former players who were getting their asses handed to them by the 'Showtime' Lakers of the 80's. I'm not buying any of that garbage. It's not like the rest of the teams in the league were lining up to help out West and the Lakers back in the 80's and 90's. But somehow, West always managed to reload the team. Say what you want about the Van Exel/Vlade years, that team would have beaten the hell out of the 06-07 Lakers. Let's just hope that Mitch Kupchack keeps his mouth shut, and does exactly what Jerry West says. There's a very slim chance that West will have a real impact at this point, but it's definitely worth a shot. West is pushing 70 and has been unsuccessfully trying to retire for at least fifteen years, so his tenure as consigliere will be short. Hopefully he has one last trick up his sleeve.

Buss Picked Up On DUI Charges

In other Lakers/Jerry news, owner Jerry Buss was arrested by the CHP in Carlsbad on a DUI chage. According to officers, Buss was spotted cruising in his Benz on the wrong side of the road. It's alleged that he failed a road side sobriety test, and blew at least a .08 on the breathalyzer. But the best part of this story is the fact that Buss had a 23 year-old female passenger with him who was not arrested. God bless money. Money: the one and only reason on the planet that any woman under the age of 50 would be rolling around town with a sauced-up 74 year-old man. Rock on Jerry.

**UPDATE**

Kobe Demands Trade

There's nothing like defending Kobe Bryant, only to have it come back to haunt you a day later. So much for all that 'wanting to retire a Laker' crap he was shoveling all over the AM dial here in So Cal on Tuesday.

Profiles In Courage: "Death Row Raider"

2007-05-22T18:45:00.000-07:00

Meet Robert Charles Comer. The use of his middle name in published reports indicates that he likes to kill people. The tear-drop tats and orange onesie are dead give-aways that he is a Raiders fan--or maybe it's the other way around. Either way, one thing is certain; Comer is one evil SOB with a PSL in the real black hole. Most felons who pull for the 'Silver and Black' usually commit their assaults in public. They either beat someone down in the parking lot while tailgating, or try to 'box-cut' an opposing fan during the game. But Comer was a little bit smarter than your average Raiders fan, and a helluva lot sicker. He took his game on the road. Back in 1987 he went on a rampage in a campground at Apache Lake, east of Phoenix. He fatally shot a man in the head, and then went on to attack a young couple at a nearby campsite. After tying the male half of the couple to the fender of a car, well...you can guess the rest. If gory details are your thing, here's the full story.

Comer was put to death by the state of Arizona on Tuesday. Before he was administered a hot dose of sodium pentathol, he had his last meal--fried okra and banana bread. What kind of last meal is that for a Raiders fan? Two 99-cent hot dogs from AM PM sounds more like it, a last 'lunner' if you will. After wolfing down his feast, Comer was strapped to the gurney and asked if he had any last words. Witnesses to the execution reported that Comer smiled and said, "Yes...Go Raiders!"

I'll bet that little quip gave the victims' families a real sense of closure. Being a non inked-up, law abiding Raiders fan, like yours truly is a tough enough existence as it is. A story like this could make one seriously question his allegiance. Who wants to be affiliated with murderers, rapists, and thugs? Well, besides the NFL. Wait, did somebody say Jamarcus? Never mind...Go Raiders!

Kyle Farnsworth Has A Problem With The Rocket's Flex-Time Schedule

2007-05-17T19:43:00.000-07:00

Yanks' Clubhouse Back To Business As Usual

Kyle Farnsworth has officially earned his pin stripes, becoming a true Yankee by criticizing one of his teammates. Although this isn't exactly Billy Martin vs Reggie vs Munson, it's interesting nonetheless. It's always interesting when a professional athlete makes negative comments regarding a teammate. Especially when it's a decent (at best) middle reliever calling out one of the game's best pitchers to ever toe the rubber. It's even better when the reliever has an affinity for body slamming opponents, and the Hall of Famer won't think twice about trying spear a batter with a broken bat--for having the audacity to let his bat break and harmlessly dribble towards him. There's only one problem, Clemens won't even be around for there to be any tension. What a ballsy move by Farnsworth, calling out a teammate who he probably won't be within 10 feet of all season. That's the problem as far as Kyle is concerned. He is of the opinion that Roger should have to be with the team all season, and attend every game. Kyle Farnsworth is certainly entitled to his opinion on what Roger Clemens should or shouldn't be doing. Try as I might, there is no way I could read that last sentence aloud with a straight face. Here's what Kyle had to say:

“As far as a teammate and a player, I think everybody should be here whether they’re pitching or not.”

“You don’t see guys who are hurt not sit on the bench. They’re always there.”

“It’s just an opinion of mine. I don’t think it’s a concern at all,” he said. “You guys asked my opinion about it and I gave it.”

“Whether it’s going to cause a problem, we’ll see,” Farnsworth said. “I don’t think it will. We’re all professionals here and we know how to go about our jobs. As far as friction, he’s going to be here to help this team win. That’s the only thing that everybody is worried about.”

Isn't contradiction a wonderful thing? Whatever deal Roger Clemens' agent hammered out between his client and the Yankees is no concern of Kyle Farnsworth. Until he knows what it's like to be a Cooperstown-bound 44 year-old flame-throwing mercenary, he may want to shut the hell up.

Side Note

Apologies to The Slant's 5 or 6 loyal readers for the lack of posts lately. Your trusty editor has been crippled lately, due to a serious Wii addiction. It got to the point where the sleep deprivation was too much to bear. I had to lend the system to a friend for a few days, just to regain a sense of normalcy. That damn thing is the video game equivalent to crack, especially the tennis. I've lost six pounds in the last two weeks, and I have no idea what the hell is going on in the world.

Kentucky Steakhouse 86's O.J.

2007-05-08T22:14:00.000-07:00

What's A Pariah Gotta' Do To Get A Rib-Eye?

This is great. Better than the inset photo of 'The Juice' doing his best impersonation of 'The Cos'. O.J. Simpson was tossed out of an 'upscale' steakhouse by the joint's owner, on the eve of the Kentucky Derby. Jeff Ruby, who owns restaurants in several states said that he walked up to Simpon's party of 12 seated in the back, and told the artist formerly known as Nordberg, "I'm not serving you." Ruby said that he was upset that a customer was 'giddy' over spotting Simpson. “I didn’t want that experience in my restaurant,” Ruby said, and added that the attention he was getting made him sick to his stomach. Here are some more comments by Ruby during a phone interview:

“I didn’t want to serve him because of my convictions of what he’s done to those families.”

“The way he continues to torture the lives of those families ... with his behavior, attitude and conduct.”

“It was the first time since 1994 he has ever shown any class, he showed it that night in the restaurant by leaving quietly."

O.J.'s attorney, Yale Galanter was unavailable to comment on the incident. Yale Galanter? I'll bet he knows Harvard Nobler.

I get where Jeff Ruby is coming from, but there was a better way he could have gone about things, and still made his point. Well, a funnier way. He should have served O.J. his steak, all pre-cut like his mommy did it--and a plastic spork, no knife.

Floyd Wins Gum Flapping Rights

2007-05-06T13:16:00.000-07:00

De La Hoya Abandons Jab, Loses Split Decision

In what many critics are calling the end of big time boxing, Floyd Mayweather Jr. earned a split decision victory over Oscar De La Hoya. Mayweather is still maintaining that this was his last fight...sure it was. Without boxing, where the hell is Mayweather going to find a camera to flip hundred dollar bills at? Without the fight game, who is going to listen to his bombastic rants? Well besides HBO, who will stick a mic into the hands on anybody who ever laced up a pair of gloves. In fact that's not a bad idea at all. I'd tune in eight days a week if HBO stuck Floyd right in between Lampley and Larry Merchant.

It looked like Oscar was going to have his way with Floyd early in the fight. He was cutting off the ring, and walking Floyd down with jabs before going to the body. Then the fifth round came, Floyd flipped the switch and Oscar put away his jab. Game over. After the fight, Larry Merchant asked Oscar why he abandoned his jab mid-way through the bout:

"For some reason, it wasn't the night of the jab. For some reason, I don't know--every time I would throw it, it would snap his head back and I could see his nose bleeding just from the jab alone. But for some reason it was just one of those nights."

Huh? You lost me Oscar. You were snapping his head back, and bloodying his nose but it wasn't the night of the jab? Maybe it is rocket science, and I'm the stupid one.

The pro De La Hoya crowd at the MGM Grand was none too pleased with the judges decisions, as a chorus of boos rained down when the decision was announced. The crowd seamlessly segued from booing to the ever popular B.S. chant. I guess they weren't watching the same fight as the rest of us. Neither was judge Tom Kaczmarek, who had the bout scored 115-113 for De La Hoya. WSS unofficially scored the fight 115-114 in favor of Mayweather. Six rounds to five, with the first round as a draw.

Pre-Fight Prediction

2007-05-05T16:24:00.000-07:00

We'll Take This Hombre

At the moment, the WSS command post is buzzing with activity. Plenty of preparation goes into getting ready to host a bunch of heathens for fight night. So this post will be short and sweet, and is only being published so we can be on record before this thing goes down. WSS is going with Oscar, by way of a 9th round KO/TKO. I like Oscar's size and power over Floyd's speed and elusiveness. If Oscar commits to digging Floyd to the body early and often, he should be able to put him away. Either way, it should be a very entertaining fight. For 65 bucks, it better be.