A stitch in time

Old friends

2008-06-26T11:09:00.002+01:00

It's funny, over the past few years I would look every so often for my friends from home on the internet, never finding them and finally giving up on looking.

Now over the past month so many of them have turned up on facebook, that I now have more non-work friends on there than work friends. Previously my facebook account was just a way to keep in touch with my friends from work.

I've found that finding everyone shows how much we all move on; I mean there are people now that I grew up with, one who I have known all my life, another who was my best friend through my teens, another who I went out with and each one of us are distant.

I have put my years on the Whitton behind me, moved on from those days and those friends, only keeping in touch with one person from there who moved there in later years, yet these people are part of my life and it is nice to have the limited contact with them.

Late night ramble

2008-06-21T01:46:00.003+01:00

Well I haven't handed in my notice, stupid as it sounds I don't have enough money to move out so another month will go by with my things in one place and me in another, paying rent for somewhere that I don't live.

I'm in this situation because I won't ask him for help and I have to help my mum. Life is *%$* sometimes.

Tonight I find myself alone at 1:45am as he's gone to do a spot check on the night staff, see how tight my Trust is. Mind I'm laughing as my ward is as good as gold, none of our permanent staff would get caught out.

Things are happening at work as well, I have to have a meeting with the head of the unit on Monday about a new role, my other half tells me it's a tough job, meetings with consultants, data input, planning, chasing and not getting things wrong ... Scares me to death.

Happiness overcast

2008-05-27T22:27:00.003+01:00

I fell asleep last night thinking how lucky I was yet at the same time I silently cried myself to sleep. It's difficult to be happy when there is a big shadow looming over that happiness.

This past weekend it was decided that I would hand my notice in on my flat within the next month and officially move in with the father of my baby, we spoke about the babies room (it's currently blue) and that it could be left blue if we have a girl it would just need lots of girly accessories added. We did some spring cleaning together and laughed and fooled around as we did, it's like we've always been together.

Then speaking to mum yesterday she was feeling ill and sounding as though she has given up. Normally when I speak about the birth she's so positive that she will be about to see it, yet last night it was "if I'm well enough".

It really is a thought that I can not deal with but at the same time I can not block, the thought that I will be giving birth to her grandchild yet she hasn't been able to fight the cancer long enough to see it.

Today I am home with her and she has been in bed with me only spending an hour with her, the coughing makes me cringe, the phlegm makes me gag and looking at her hurts so much as she does not look like my mum anymore.

Age and relationships

2008-05-13T21:33:00.003+01:00

I was told when I first got with my new fella that "he's an old man, why would an old man want to be with a young woman like you?" this from my ex without him know that there was only 5 years difference between them.

Today I was left thinking about how my mother felt when I was 14 years old seeing someone who was 7 years older than me, well there's obvious reasons there anyway.

Something came up about a 21 year old with a 40 year old, I wondered how I would feel about my daughter at 21 being with someone 20 years older than her. Frankly I would be concerned. At 21 you still have a whole life of experiences ahead of you, yet someone 20 years older has been there and done that, therefore the chances of older holding the younger back are considerably larger.

At the same time someone in there 30's with an older partner is not so concerning, you expect them to be mature and have their life already planned and in full motion (not always the case but you get what I mean), they are their own person by their 30's.

I also think what I was thinking when I was 20, someone who was 40 is an old man, why would I want to go out with an old man?

Anti-spam Post - Updated

2008-05-07T07:30:00.003+01:00

Okay just a few days ago I posted about my blog being spammed, well this is my pay back post to past and future spammers.

I'll begin by explaining about spam bots; they are much like web crawlers, the bots we rely on to get our blogs on the search engines, spambots however collect email addresses for the spammers to send you unsolicited email, the main reason you show your email address as an image on your page rather than regular text.

Mister Linky tells me that if the Mister Linky widget is getting spammed it is most likely by a real person not by a bot as bots can't handle java script very well, that real person and their website/company has an email address.

So this post will be updated when I get spammed, it will contain a list of email address simply typed into the post for all spambots to read. The email addresses will be those of companies who think that by spamming us they will get business, now they can think again, because when they spam this blog they in turn will get spammed via email.

You should also note that your IP address is being recorded.

The list so far ...

Last update:

17th June 2007

24th August 2007

6th May 2008

17th May 2008

Mum has cancer again

2008-05-04T09:55:00.004+01:00

This past few weeks I realise how very lucky I am, a week ago Wednesday my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer having had a full mastectomy last year to remove a lump and a second operation a couple of months later to remove a second lump in the same place. Also going through both Chemotherapy and radiotherapy.

Since hearing the news I have been distraught and depressed, something she tells me will make my baby come out crying for now reason all the time, yes her sense of humour is still there.

My partner has been there for me all the time, on Friday he drove me to mums, meeting her for the first time and being wonderful by meeting my dad as well. He will cuddle me whilst I cry myself to sleep and calm me down when I get angry.

I guess many people reading this will say that that is how it should be, for me however this is the first time in my life I have been felt able to show vulnerability to this degree in front of anyone who is not close family, even then I'm often not able to show my feelings fully.

New home for my dog

2008-04-08T11:55:00.003+01:00

What do you do when you have a pet and you know that pet won't be able to handle life with a baby?

That is the problem I face, at the moment my dog Bouncer is staying at my mums, he's been there since last year when I split with my ex and was forced to move into the nurses home next to work. He has since I got him been my baby, so maybe the problem I face is my own fault.

Now I find myself pregnant and I know Bounce will get jealous, and more than that he is unpredictable at the best of times, easily excited and full of bounce. In the past few months he has settled somewhat, he's fairly well behaved yet he still knocks me to the floor when I go home to mums.

Speaking to her today she told me that my youngest uncle's (he's more like my brother) dog is dying, his dog means the world to him since it was his wife's dog and he himself is loosing his sight and lives alone.

She has spoken to him and told him all about my dog, all his strangeness and intelligence. Now you may think it strange my uncles dog is not yet dead and te pain of the dying dog must be great for my uncle, only he told mum that he would get another dog after a few weeks.

The family has always looked after it's own and so mum just told him he could meet Bounce, he's one dog that you fall in love with when you first meet him, he's loving and giving as dogs go.

The best thing for me is I get to keep Bounce close (well when I'm at mums), I know he'll be well cared for and spoilt. My uncle is home most of the time and has a big garden, more than that he lives by the beach. Both of them will look after each other.

One thing though, my uncle has to be more than alpha, Bounce thinks men are push overs and only toys to be played with.

Just for a laugh

2008-03-19T08:26:00.003Z

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always. . .

Best, Wendi Aarons Austin , TX

Forced Marriages

2008-03-11T22:39:00.003Z

This deserves a more detailed post, at the moment though I just want to make a short post that I will come back to at a later date.

Before college this morning I heard that over 2000 children were missing from school registers in the UK, the government is looking into these missing children and suspect they have been shipped off abroad and into forced marriages.

This morning there was a young lady who had been in this exact predicament herself, she spoke about children as young as 10 years old having this happen.

Another interview with a second young girl who was 12 when she was told she was to get married and eventually married at 15 in Pakistan said

When I was there I did still secretly think that the British police would come looking for me - because I had already complained to them.

I thought the school in Britain might search for me - I obviously wasn't coming to school any more. But nobody looked for me. I had to go through all that alone. It was horrific.

I found this so disturbing, how can children vanish from school yet the authorities appear to do nothing.

The second young girl had even been to the police and seen a social worker, yet her story was ignored.

I question how the authorities appear to do so little when it comes to forced marriages and honer killings, you could almost say this is political correctness gone too far.

These things are illegal in this country they have to be stopped, children should be protected.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-03-05T00:00:00.002Z

Mermaids purse by chronicdoodler

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Click here for an explanation of this weeks choice

Wordless Wednesday Participants

1. SandyCarlson
2. maryt/the teach
3. jams o donnell

4. ellen b
5. jenn in holland
6. Sreisaat

7. eastcoastlife
8. poor man\'s nicole richie

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New blog

2008-02-23T11:28:00.003Z

It may be short lived, it may not be, but for the time being I am posting more on my new blog from conception to beyond.

I will still post here from time to time, but time is limited what with my life suddenly beginning to spiral out of my control and into something new.

Work is difficult as I'm am dodging trouble and violent patients with only two members of staff watching out for me as I don't want to declare anything too early. I am also still attending University and in general I'm tired more often than not, I have certainly slowed down my pace.

Love

2008-02-15T00:47:00.003Z

Months ago I was asked if I had ever really been in love, my answer after some thought was "no, I thought that I had been but if I had I wouldn't be able to turn it off so quickly. The only time I would say I had been was when I was in my teens, but he died so it's questionable as to how I really felt due to the emotions of death and loosing someone".

Now every so often I find myself going back to sites that belong top my ex, I feel noting seeing photos of another woman that he has taken besides an eerie feeling that she resembles an older version of me, that thought being backed up by a friend.

If I was to be asked the same question again now my answer would be that I am in love.

Everyday my emotions go crazy, when he's having a bad day I'm in pain as there's nothing I can do and the frustration of it drives me mad to the point that I run away for the night to my own flat to give us both space.
I find myself staring at him and smiling most of the time thinking how strange the last five months have been, how this is the man I've watched and admired for the past two years yet never did think in a million years I would be sat on his sofa or lying in his bed curled up in his arms.
I get scared, especially at the moment that he will give up here and go back home, that he'll just leave me. Then that thought is met with the fact that if I love him I'd have to let him go.
When we kiss I melt, even now after five months and that's something amazing for me, as we are almost living together with me spending very little time in my own flat, normally I would be bored by now and find intimacy a routine.

Have I told him how I feel? Well no, it all sticks in my throat every time I try and if we get anywhere near the subject of strong feelings he goes very quiet. He however and I don't know if he realises he did this (as sometimes he doesn't realise he thinks out loud), muttered "I love this girl", I should add that at the time he was (well should've been) very focused on me. Due to the circumstances it doesn't hold much water with me.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-02-13T00:35:00.001Z

poisoned kisses by Princess of Shadows

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Wordless Wednesday Participants

1. Chris
2. SandyCarlson

3. Nissa\'s Niceties
4. maryt/theteach

5. Living well

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All fixed now ???

2008-02-11T12:37:00.000Z

Well the guys have been back three times now, they say that the tiles were coming away in the shower upstairs hence my leaky ceiling and electrics.

They've fixed his tiles and are letting him know not to use his shower today. Tomorrow morning we'll see how well they repaired things upstairs.

I now have a brand new mattress to replace the water damaged one of 10 days ago, the bed is half made but not being a trusting person it's all leaning against the wall away from any leaks.

They tell me they will be back in a couple of days to paint the ceiling, put the light fittings back together and replace the smoke detector.

10 days later

2008-02-11T11:31:00.001Z

I've just come home again to find serious water marks all over the ceiling and a half full bowl.

Thankfully I hadn't put the bed back so that's dry along with my bedding. I reported it all over an hour ago and still they haven't come to even look at it. I've taken more photos of the water marks.

I think this was possible the last thing I needed today, I'm supposed to stay here tonight, guess I'll be on the floor.

Wet again

2008-02-01T10:42:00.001Z

My bed was almost dry, I could curl up at the top end stay dry and warm, this was about half seven this morning.

I must have drifted off when suddenly I was woken by a deafening screaming noise, as I came round I realised it was the fire alarm.

Water was pouring through it again and within minutes the near empty bowl was half full and the bed was wet again.

It was half eight at this time and the alarm was too much to handle, I got my keys and headed for reception, the same security guard was there and he called for maintenance whilst I stood there. You could hear the alarm from the reception it was so loud.

Forty minutes later after calling my manager to explain why I wasn't at work and ensure I was given some paid leave, I called reception again with the alarm still going off.

An hour later the maintenance guy arrives and takes my alarm off line, the silence was deafening. He still has to come back and take my light apart to empty the water that has accumulated in there as well.

As you can see from the photo the bed is wet, very wet. It was like someone had turned a tap on. Obviously I still need to sleep, as soon as this guy comes back down from upstairs (I can hear him working up there now) I'm off to my nice dry bed and my partners flat.

I know I should put the bed linen in to wash while I'm waiting but moving is too much effort.

Rain drops keep falling on my bed

2008-02-01T03:58:00.000Z

I'm sitting here awake at 4am because I can't go to bed, can't even make a bed up on the floor as my covers are all soaked.

No, not because I had an accident and lost bladder control but because there's water dripping from the smoke alarm right above my bed.

It's so typical, I hardly ever stay here, in fact it's the first time I've been here for weeks, I normally stay at my boyfriends even when I work night shift nowadays.

This has caused me to see far more of a work mate than I ever wanted to and he doesn't even live in the flat. I have also cleaned having not a lot else to do at the present time.

Whilst cleaning I have found a print out of an email from my ex, I almost sent him one back having read it again after so many months. I stopped myself though as there's just no point.

I really wanted to ask if after what he confesses in the email how he would have reacted if that had been me. He had two young ladies stay at his flat one night and although he says nothing happened he does admit that both had admitted to having feelings for him.

Of course I know what his reaction would have been if the situation was reversed and that's why he hid it from me and lied when I confronted him about the girls.

Stupidly Annoyed

2008-01-27T02:06:00.000Z

Whilst sitting here feeling a little bored I was browsing the net and found a comment that made my blood boil. It's sad because I shouldn't let things like this bother me but I've taken it as a dig towards me.

Memorable Moment:
A long time ago when all the grown ups were still alive and we were innocents waking up to a new world every day; learning about life through play with very little care for anything other than our immediate world. To me, this is the most important memory that anyone can ever have. If you have this memory then spare a thought for those who had it taken away from them too soon.

I know that the person who wrote the above quote thinks that I am a person who had these memories taken away from me too soon. Only it all depends on how you view it and life.

I am a well adjusted adult, yes I suffered abuse as a child and yes that abuse had a knock on effect on my teenage life. The only thing is I have come to terms with everything that happened and it has helped to form who I am today.

Okay I'm as 'normal' as the next person and as everyone else I do sometimes have funny little things, quirks that make me, me an individual.

Guess the thing that gets me is that the person who said the above believes I haven't dealt with the issues from my childhood, they do not want to except that I have and that any problems are part of me, that maybe I just wasn't happy being part of their life and not being allowed to be me.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-01-23T00:00:00.000Z

Rebirth of Hope by Iribel

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This is my Tuesday/Wednesday edition for WW, guess this is the easiest way to do this now.

I'm now using auto-links, this means you have to comment to have a link left in the Mister Linky links, when you comment just ensure the little box is checked at the bottom of the main comment box and that you are using the comment link and not the Blogger comment link.

Wordless Wednesday Participants

1. maryt/theteach
2. Indonesian WAHM
3. The Paranormal Blog
4. Comedy Plus
5. SandyCarlson

6. CK Go Places
7. Natalie
8. eastcoastlife
9. MamaWise
10. Onward Christian Woman

11. Not Afraid To Use It
12. Bobbie
13. Jientje/Heaveninbelgium
14. D. Renee Bagby

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2008-01-18T13:26:00.000Z

Back at home after just one night away. The travel (an hour and a half train journey) really seems to have taken it out of me.

Yesterday when mum was having yet more blood tests done as she developed blood clots during the Chemo (she is actually really lucky as she had had some of the milder symptoms for a while before it was discovered that she had bilateral Pulmonary Embolisms), I stayed home waiting for a delivery that I knew was coming. My other half had given me money when he left for work to get her some flowers so I cheated and ordered them on interflora to save carrying them on the train.

It's always hard leaving mum now, I see her more often as there's no pressure on me to be here and no panic from my beloved that I'm going to do the dirty on him, at least he doesn't show it if there is. There's not just mum that I'm leaving though, there's my dog, and he sulks as soon as he sees my bags packed again. Mum uses the dog as an excuse not to come to the train station when really it's because she's too tired.

Even at the age of 31 I find myself feeling like a little girl again, obviously mum is indestructible and nothing will hurt her then the thoughts of the worst happening hit me again and I wonder how the hell I will cope if the worst does happen. It's not even the long term that bothers me when these thoughts come, just how do I organise the funeral, I don't have a clue. She tells me that she has a plan in place so it will ease the burden for her partner and myself, only he doesn't want to face any possibilities like that.

For the time being I find myself wanting to put it all to the back of my mind, I mean we just had positive results, she has no more cancer left. The problem is however positive I want to be I know that there is always a chance that it will come back and it's still early days.

Happy News

2008-01-16T22:38:00.000Z

At the moment I'm home with my mum, she was discharged from hospital on Monday after having aggressive surgery to remove a second cancerous lump that developed at rapid speed during the first week of her radiotherapy (was there a link? I don't know.)

Today we all went back to the hospital to get her results; the tissue tests on the removed mass showed the the cancer tissue was surrounded by health tissue, so it would suggest that they removed all the cancer, the scans do not show any more masses hiding inside.

Now she's healing well, they cannot use certain tapes on her as she has what amounts to third degree burns from the surgical tape, all the same she's healing.

Only time will tell now.

Geeky type post about video games

2008-01-10T12:23:00.000Z

Years ago when I had my Dreamcast I had the game Ecco the Dolphin, so that must've been around 2000.

It had to be the hardest game I had ever tried to play and it made no sense to me, seemingly with no clear objectives.

The graphics were really pretty though. Anyone who had a DC back then will know that the graphics were pretty amazing on most games, Soul Calibur for example was released on the Play Station under a slightly different title (Soul Edge or Blade) just a couple of years before and you could see the difference, with the PS graphics still being blocky, but as reviewed on ign.com Soul Calibur on the DC was ...

The first game in memory to look better on a console than it did in the arcade, Soulcalibur offered amazing visuals as a Dreamcast launch title, and still remains one of the best-looking and best-playing fighting games years later.

So anyway getting back to Ecco, for Christmas my new fella bought me a PSP, oh I had a choice of consoles but I wanted something I could play round his when he's out so portable was the only option. I bought myself the Sega Megadrive Collection, being the big Sega fan that I am (I used to hang out with the DC chat room administrators).

On the Sega Megadrive Collection there's a whole host of what would now be classed as retro games including Ecco the Dolphin, Ecco: The Tides of Time and Ecco Jr.

I get it now and I am managing to progress through the levels. Okay, it's not the action packed game that I normally play but as frustrating and annoying as it is I am enjoying it.

For anyone who is stuck on games try GameFAQs for walkthroughs and help, and for everything Tomb Raider it has to be Tomb Raider Chronicles even if the typos are chronic on their walkthroughs.

Frustration and news

2008-01-09T09:41:00.000Z

I'm so frustrated, my mum went into hospital on Sunday afternoon, she had her operation to remove more cancer on Monday.

I'm not allowed to talk to her and I can't even send her flowers as they are not allowed on the ward.

Yesterday I called her mobile and a nurse answered, for starters that is out of order, fine tell the patient they need to turn it off but DO NOT answer it for them !!!

Over the weekend while I was working we had an incident where a bank staff (temporary staff) started shouting at the shift coordinator when she was told she would be called from her break in one hour (that's all the break any of us are allowed), since I have had to write a statement about the incident and the staff in question has been baned not just from my ward but from the whole unit, and the unit immediately attached to us.

Monday was my first day at University, it's not scary like last time, only thing I can see that is going to be a problem is the level that some of the others are, I am going to have to bite my tongue and remind myself that I have already done most of this course and they haven't. In would be nice if I used this and helped those who struggle, and I will but only to the point that I do not end up falling behind myself, one of my many downfalls in the past.

One thing that amazed me on Monday was how people can work in the NHS as support workers for so many years and not know who the NMC are, okay the NMC (Nursing and Midwifery Council, the governing body for nurses and midwives) do not govern support staff but a lot of the NMC Code of Conduct is used for support staff as well. I'll not rant about that subject now though as it could be another blogosode.

Going back to Uni this time supported by work I am now only on the ward three days a week with Uni being two days, and I'm still on full time wages. This has to be the best upside next to the final qualification there is, especially at the moment with the worst patient in the trust on my ward.

2007 summed up

2008-01-06T01:53:00.000Z

Thought I would do a bit of reflection over the last year and more so the last few months of the year as that is when major changes happened in my life, so here goes with a summary to begin.

The beginning of 2007:
My now past long term partner and I took a break, I was heartbroken and cried my way through it, communicating via email we managed to get back together. We go to the Lakes and to Paris.

Mid 2007:
We decided to buy a house in the Lakes, well near the Lakes anyway. We began house hunting and found somewhere.

My mum is diagnosed with breast cancer, she has a full mastectomy and begins chemo therapy.

The pressure is showing but we put it down to the house hunting/buying. Finally we manage to get a mortgage, I move into his flat and the deeds are sent to us.

Courses at work appeal to me and I want to do them before I move, job hunting before having moved was proving difficult and not only because of our distance at the the time but because although I have years of experience I was kicked out of Uni.

Now we both use our get out clause and decide that due to some issues within the deeds of the house we won't buy it.

Towards the end of 2007:
I find I have to move out of his flat, after only six weeks. Neither of us were talking properly by this time and things were hard.

I take Bounce to my mums and move into the nurses accommodation. By the end of the week we have broken up and an ugly show is given to all who live in the nurses accommodation.

I begin seeing someone else, we take it all one day at a time. Christmas comes and goes, my birthday and new years. Still one day at a time although we may as well be living together.

Mum starts radiotherapy and another lump appears and grows within a week. She has another biopsy and all treatment is stopped, she is booked in for major surgery to remove the cancer with no further plans for any other therapy.

So that was a round up of 2007, some days I find it hard with stray thoughts flying around my head, how could things have been different? Why didn't I see stuff before? Why do I become so accommodating?

Over the recent holiday period I had the blame game thrust upon me via email, as I sat reading it I shouted at the screen, as a friend sat reading it she asked "has he forgotten this/that". I never responded and still I have no energy to do so, I can not continue to go round in circles.

I take responsibility for my faults, I fight now not to do the same things again, this time I have help and I'm forced to make my own choices, speak my mind and do whatever I want within reason. When talking about simple things like eating meat I'm reminded that it is my fault that things were the way they were and that if I wasn't so submissive then it would not have been an issue for so long (okay admittedly we may have broken up sooner but it's true).

A follow-up note on hacks

2008-01-03T16:53:00.000Z

I have had to remove most of the hacks mentioned in previous posts as they just weren't working after Ramani had problems with hosting his scripts, I tried to fix all of the problems months ago but loads of personal issues meant I didn't have the time to sit and work with the html.

The blog is still using some of the hacks and I will get around to adding the others eventually.

Hacks currently used on this blog include:

There are now tabs at the top of the page, these show the 5 most frequent tags that I use. The hack for this can be found at Hoctro's Place Showing your Blogger Labels as Tabs with Ramani's Tweak your label tabs from Hackosphere giving the 5 most frequent.
A table of contents by Hans at Beautiful Beta.
Adding a wider-sidebar to your blog by Vivek Sanghi at Stubborn Fanatic.